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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On July 13 2010 10:06 Orome wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 10:00 Roffles wrote:On July 13 2010 09:54 Orome wrote: roffles, you honestly believe his sister will have it worse? jesus, there are worse things than no college money. Yes, if you think about it logically, his sister will be living off government shit for the next 8 years, as opposed to YPang, who is 19 and in college on loans and debt. One is old enough to understand what is going on, one is not. She might not even have the chance to go to college, simply due to the lack of funding that her mother can provide her. How is her life going to be better than YPangs? Tbh I'm just really confused now. You really find having college money in 8 years more important than stopping abuse that's happening right now? I guess we've just got uh... different priorities... Sadly, I believe that the future success of his sister is worth 8 years of hellish suffering. Who knows what will happen if she gets placed into government care. 8 years of guaranteed suffering vs maybe a lifetime of suffering?
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On July 13 2010 09:37 Chairman Ray wrote: To make things better, firstly you shouldn't lash back at him or call social services. That makes things much worse for you father and much worse for your family. What you need to do is to demonstrate to your father in some way that you understand everything that he goes through in order to put a roof over your heads and food in your stomachs, and you will try your best to make him proud. This may be one of the hardest things to do in your life. I for one, did not pull the courage to do such a thing to a man I was afraid of. I just tried a bit harder in school just so my father was a bit more content and also to grind it out until I moved out. You also have a sister on the line as well, maybe that's something to consider. Whatever you do, I would advise against calling social services or lashing back at him, unless it's the absolute last thing.
this imo
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girls are weaker than men, both phsyically and psychologically. if you dad continues she's gonna end up pretty messed up.
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On July 13 2010 08:48 zulu_nation8 wrote: If you're not exaggerating then please at least contact the counselors at your school.
WTF LOL. I fucking hate suggestions like these; please make yourself sound more oblivious and ignorant to the person's situation. Do you really fucking think those counselors will do SHIT? Not trying to attack you and be bm, but there are so many reasons why you can't just "tell on the counselors" regarding family issues.
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To the poster:
Damn... I understand completely what you're talking about. My dad goes into unreasonable rage modes every once in a while that just breaks the whole family apart.
I won't QQ about my dad since it won't do any good but I hope that you'll be able to keep a clean conscience and a good heart even when he rages again.
Some words of advice? Idk. I'm still a noob at this too hahaha:
1. Know that he is being unreasonable, BUT understand that he must be stressed because of ____ or ____.
2. HATE him for his stupid actions, but love and forgive him because he's your father.
3. Whenever it's your sister or mother who is afflicted by your father's rages, remember to always stay by their sides and comfort them. They need you.
4. Whenever you're afflicted, don't do anything reckless. Just swallow the anger or take it out on an inanimate object -- you're a better person. (Unless the dad does COMPLETELY unreasonable, like idk actually physically HURTING your mom or sister brutally, then which I don't think I could even hold myself back from attacking him.)
And that's it I think. I don't know if this'll help much, but I really have been (and still continue to be) in your situation before so... stay strong
Gooooood luck.
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On July 13 2010 09:50 Roffles wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 09:43 sob3k wrote:On July 13 2010 09:19 FragKrag wrote:
Assuming you call Child Services, you're still stuck. If anything I would suggest you to tell your mother to act like the perfect obedient Asian woman and do whatever he wants at least until you are out of college. You're not being a pussy. You're taking the only logical way out of this while securing yourself a source of income you can use to take your sister out. Sorry, but this is an absolutely disastrous idea...Its not possible for a human to "just stick it out and shut up" and avoid conflict for four years while you are at college. It sounds like a great compromise but jesus, I have seen this tried so many times. 1. It sounds like the situation is already deteriorating between the parents, it is not physically or emotionally possible to just ignore this for 4 years, if it has escalated over 10 years, it will continue to escalate. 2. Acting like "the perfect obedient Asian woman" will not pacify or avoid conflict, I guarantee your dad will find something to complain and become enraged about, and even if your mother COMPLETELY avoids any reponse to it, the atmosphere and relationship will become like a fucking toxic gas. 3. IT WILL FUCK YOUR SISTER UP. FUCK HER UP MAJORLY. Living with two parents who are constantly in conflict and hate and disrespect each other will cause your sister to develop serious emotional and relational problems. No matter how much you think people can just "tough it out" and be unaffected, its just not true. I have seen SO MANY people who are unable to live happy lives and are stuck with all kinds of terrible relationship problems because of living in environments like this. I'm sure your sister is a strong person, but she isn't magic. If you leave her in this deteriorating situation for (at minimum) 4 years, she will be effected. Haven't you heard LoveLine for gods sake? EVERY SINGLE PERSON calling up with major psychological problems grew up in an abusive home like this. Its not a fucking coincidence. Yes, money IS a serious concern, but there are thing more important. One of them is not potentially ruining the rest of your sisters life with emotional issues. Everyone in contact with this situation is negatively effected, your mom is effected, your dad is effected, your sister is effected, YOU are effected. Nobody escapes. Now you need to do you best to minimize further harm. Money is one factor, PLEASE weigh the others just as importantly. While you're right that money is one factor, you really have to consider the entire situation as a whole. Sure, YPang can care for himself now that's he's old enough to care for himself, but he's got a 10 year old sister. TEN YEAR OLD SISTER. What's going to happen to her if he calls Child Services? His sister doesn't stand to gain ANYTHING. No college, living off government shit for the next 8 years. Chances at college? Very minimal. Think about her life. I'm not saying she should get beat for the next 8 years, but I really do think that if he makes that call, somehow breaks the family apart, his sister loses the most. Her life is most likely going to shit if he makes that call.
I still don't know why people are operating under the idea that you call Child Services and they instantly take the kids to an orphanage and set up a restraining order between the parents.
Please take some time to google how DHS responds to these situations. They interview all the family members and the kids, then they come up with a counseling plan/program and potentially some progress visits. Taking kids away and breaking up families is THE ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT in cases of extreme neglect or risk of serious physical injury. They NEVER want to have to do this because they KNOW it destroys families and makes the situation worse.
Unless your dad is carrying around a baseball bat or hasn't fed your sister in weeks you really don't have anything NEAR that to worry about....again, I encourage you to read how they assess and react to different situations...its all online.
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On July 13 2010 10:19 johnlee wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 08:48 zulu_nation8 wrote: If you're not exaggerating then please at least contact the counselors at your school. WTF LOL. I fucking hate suggestions like these; please make yourself sound more oblivious and ignorant to the person's situation. Do you really fucking think those counselors will do SHIT? Not trying to attack you and be bm, but there are so many reasons why you can't just "tell on the counselors" regarding family issues. ------------- To the poster: Damn... I understand completely what you're talking about. My dad goes into unreasonable rage modes every once in a while that just breaks the whole family apart. I won't QQ about my dad since it won't do any good but I hope that you'll be able to keep a clean conscience and a good heart even when he rages again. Some words of advice? Idk. I'm still a noob at this too hahaha: 1. Know that he is being unreasonable, BUT understand that he must be stressed because of ____ or ____. 2. HATE him for his stupid actions, but love and forgive him because he's your father. 3. Whenever it's your sister or mother who is afflicted by your father's rages, remember to always stay by their sides and comfort them. They need you. 4. Whenever you're afflicted, don't do anything reckless. Just swallow the anger or take it out on an inanimate object -- you're a better person. (Unless the dad does COMPLETELY unreasonable, like idk actually physically HURTING your mom or sister brutally, then which I don't think I could even hold myself back from attacking him.) And that's it I think. I don't know if this'll help much, but I really have been (and still continue to be) in your situation before so... stay strong Gooooood luck.
Counselors provide an ear and a different perspective, i don't know what the fuck your problem is.
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Man, I don't even know anymore. Maybe you guys don't have a little sister, but I've never had an abuse parent so I guess I don't know. I've always thought if anyone hit her I'd beat the shit out of them somehow and reading that about the 10 yr old betting bruises on her face and shit is so enraging.
So I guess I'll ask you guys who have experience, what is the last straw? I mean, there's got to be a line before serious hospitalizing injury where doctors step in right? I mean, you guys all talk about it. You all say don't call Child Services except as a last resort but no one really explains what triggers that.
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so i finally read this, and you need to do something about your sister, if your mom is too.. dellusional? i guess to do something, then YOU need to help your sister out, it seems like you're doing alright in terms of emotional status. the part where he puts your sister in the basement and locks her down there, and you having to sneak food in there? what the fuck is that man please have micronesia do something about this. you seriously need to punch your father in the face multiple times btw.
edit: i don't know how but you NEED to find a way to take care of your sister, it seriously hurts me that a 10 year old kid is growing up with this bullshit
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On July 13 2010 10:26 zulu_nation8 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 10:19 johnlee wrote:On July 13 2010 08:48 zulu_nation8 wrote: If you're not exaggerating then please at least contact the counselors at your school. WTF LOL. I fucking hate suggestions like these; please make yourself sound more oblivious and ignorant to the person's situation. Do you really fucking think those counselors will do SHIT? Not trying to attack you and be bm, but there are so many reasons why you can't just "tell on the counselors" regarding family issues. ------------- To the poster: Damn... I understand completely what you're talking about. My dad goes into unreasonable rage modes every once in a while that just breaks the whole family apart. I won't QQ about my dad since it won't do any good but I hope that you'll be able to keep a clean conscience and a good heart even when he rages again. Some words of advice? Idk. I'm still a noob at this too hahaha: 1. Know that he is being unreasonable, BUT understand that he must be stressed because of ____ or ____. 2. HATE him for his stupid actions, but love and forgive him because he's your father. 3. Whenever it's your sister or mother who is afflicted by your father's rages, remember to always stay by their sides and comfort them. They need you. 4. Whenever you're afflicted, don't do anything reckless. Just swallow the anger or take it out on an inanimate object -- you're a better person. (Unless the dad does COMPLETELY unreasonable, like idk actually physically HURTING your mom or sister brutally, then which I don't think I could even hold myself back from attacking him.) And that's it I think. I don't know if this'll help much, but I really have been (and still continue to be) in your situation before so... stay strong Gooooood luck. Counselors provide an ear and a different perspective, i don't know what the fuck your problem is.
My problem is that I experience things that YPang experiences, while you clearly don't if you write a one sentence reply suggesting counselors.
Counselors won't do shit. Period. We don't need their fucking ears or different perspectives for $$$. End of story. Like I said, I wasn't trying to be BM, sorry if I offended you.
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On July 13 2010 10:26 sob3k wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 09:50 Roffles wrote:On July 13 2010 09:43 sob3k wrote:On July 13 2010 09:19 FragKrag wrote:
Assuming you call Child Services, you're still stuck. If anything I would suggest you to tell your mother to act like the perfect obedient Asian woman and do whatever he wants at least until you are out of college. You're not being a pussy. You're taking the only logical way out of this while securing yourself a source of income you can use to take your sister out. Sorry, but this is an absolutely disastrous idea...Its not possible for a human to "just stick it out and shut up" and avoid conflict for four years while you are at college. It sounds like a great compromise but jesus, I have seen this tried so many times. 1. It sounds like the situation is already deteriorating between the parents, it is not physically or emotionally possible to just ignore this for 4 years, if it has escalated over 10 years, it will continue to escalate. 2. Acting like "the perfect obedient Asian woman" will not pacify or avoid conflict, I guarantee your dad will find something to complain and become enraged about, and even if your mother COMPLETELY avoids any reponse to it, the atmosphere and relationship will become like a fucking toxic gas. 3. IT WILL FUCK YOUR SISTER UP. FUCK HER UP MAJORLY. Living with two parents who are constantly in conflict and hate and disrespect each other will cause your sister to develop serious emotional and relational problems. No matter how much you think people can just "tough it out" and be unaffected, its just not true. I have seen SO MANY people who are unable to live happy lives and are stuck with all kinds of terrible relationship problems because of living in environments like this. I'm sure your sister is a strong person, but she isn't magic. If you leave her in this deteriorating situation for (at minimum) 4 years, she will be effected. Haven't you heard LoveLine for gods sake? EVERY SINGLE PERSON calling up with major psychological problems grew up in an abusive home like this. Its not a fucking coincidence. Yes, money IS a serious concern, but there are thing more important. One of them is not potentially ruining the rest of your sisters life with emotional issues. Everyone in contact with this situation is negatively effected, your mom is effected, your dad is effected, your sister is effected, YOU are effected. Nobody escapes. Now you need to do you best to minimize further harm. Money is one factor, PLEASE weigh the others just as importantly. While you're right that money is one factor, you really have to consider the entire situation as a whole. Sure, YPang can care for himself now that's he's old enough to care for himself, but he's got a 10 year old sister. TEN YEAR OLD SISTER. What's going to happen to her if he calls Child Services? His sister doesn't stand to gain ANYTHING. No college, living off government shit for the next 8 years. Chances at college? Very minimal. Think about her life. I'm not saying she should get beat for the next 8 years, but I really do think that if he makes that call, somehow breaks the family apart, his sister loses the most. Her life is most likely going to shit if he makes that call. I still don't know why people are operating under the idea that you call Child Services and they instantly take the kids to an orphanage and set up a restraining order between the parents. Please take some time to google how DHS responds to these situations. They interview all the family members and the kids, then they come up with a counseling plan/program and potentially some progress visits. Taking kids away and breaking up families is THE ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT in cases of extreme neglect or risk of serious physical injury. They NEVER want to have to do this because they KNOW it destroys families and makes the situation worse. Unless your dad is carrying around a baseball bat or hasn't fed your sister in weeks you really don't have anything NEAR that to worry about....again, I encourage you to read how they assess and react to different situations...its all online. I've had a first hand experience. Yes, it's not just a call --> take him away thing, but you do have to realize that once you make that phone call, he's gonna be fucking pissed. And the more pissed he is, the more his family is going to suffer. He might not show it when social workers come to inspect the house, but his family is going to fucking get it sooner or later.
There's little chance that his sister lives away from his mother, but you realize that in a situation like this, I don't see how his dad is going to react in a good way to him calling social services.
I might be speaking from a biased cultural perspective though.
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do not call soical services unless someone is in danger. you do not want those people in your life unless you abosultey need them. good luck. Id say more but ChairmanRay hit the nail on the head
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Your father is a coward.
I can offer no advice other than to do what feels right.
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
I'm not saying he shouldn't call CPS, but rather he should talk to his mother first, then make that phone call if needed. CPS can help if both parties are willing to cooperate and shit. From the sounds of this situation, I don't know if his father is going to be willing to take part in any cooperation whatsoever.
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On July 13 2010 09:44 whitelynx wrote: My mom and dad have been living in the same house and haven't said a word to each other in like 2 years. I just kind of ignore it, lol.
My household was like this for 2 years 3 months..except for the occasional fight..it was awful .
Also, why do yall assume that having the sister leave and living with her mother means no college money? If anything financial aid will pay boatloads (my little sis lives my mom thats how I know) of money, not counting academic scholarships and whatnot. There is always a way to pay for college...
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Canada2480 Posts
I am quite amazed at the number of assholes dads from reading this thread.
I feel lucky.
I honestly have no idea what the correct option is. Are social services really the lesser of two evil? I wish I could help but I can't, sorry T_T
Edit: anyone would want to make a poll to contain all the data...I'd do it but I don't think I can think of all the options for said Poll
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On July 13 2010 10:32 johnlee wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 10:26 zulu_nation8 wrote:On July 13 2010 10:19 johnlee wrote:On July 13 2010 08:48 zulu_nation8 wrote: If you're not exaggerating then please at least contact the counselors at your school. WTF LOL. I fucking hate suggestions like these; please make yourself sound more oblivious and ignorant to the person's situation. Do you really fucking think those counselors will do SHIT? Not trying to attack you and be bm, but there are so many reasons why you can't just "tell on the counselors" regarding family issues. ------------- To the poster: Damn... I understand completely what you're talking about. My dad goes into unreasonable rage modes every once in a while that just breaks the whole family apart. I won't QQ about my dad since it won't do any good but I hope that you'll be able to keep a clean conscience and a good heart even when he rages again. Some words of advice? Idk. I'm still a noob at this too hahaha: 1. Know that he is being unreasonable, BUT understand that he must be stressed because of ____ or ____. 2. HATE him for his stupid actions, but love and forgive him because he's your father. 3. Whenever it's your sister or mother who is afflicted by your father's rages, remember to always stay by their sides and comfort them. They need you. 4. Whenever you're afflicted, don't do anything reckless. Just swallow the anger or take it out on an inanimate object -- you're a better person. (Unless the dad does COMPLETELY unreasonable, like idk actually physically HURTING your mom or sister brutally, then which I don't think I could even hold myself back from attacking him.) And that's it I think. I don't know if this'll help much, but I really have been (and still continue to be) in your situation before so... stay strong Gooooood luck. Counselors provide an ear and a different perspective, i don't know what the fuck your problem is. My problem is that I experience things that YPang experiences, while you clearly don't if you write a one sentence reply suggesting counselors. Counselors won't do shit. Period. We don't need their fucking ears or different perspectives for $$$. End of story. Like I said, I wasn't trying to be BM, sorry if I offended you.
Yeah, I've never heard of counseling or psychiatric help every being of assistance to anyone in this situation....I hear the best route is to just pull yourself up by your own bootstraps....
+ Show Spoiler +
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I haven't read every single post in this thread but my advice is to get outside/government protection ASAP before one day you realise your dad has beaten your sister or mother to death. Abuse like this shit always end up with a murder. Here are just some examples from my own country that started with beatings, slappings, then eventually weapons and torture. And who knows, maybe one day it'll be your mum who breaks and stabs your dad through the heart. Or your sister might commit suicide. Sorry to be harsh but if any of this shit happens your dad is guilty but you are also responsible by omission:
+ Show Spoiler +13D Frank St was a mess when police began their investigation.
Bourbon boxes, pizza cartons and kids' shoes had been chucked through a hole in a broken ponga fence where the Rotorua rental property backed on to a reserve.
Empty bottles littered the ground inside the fence, and out the back of the small three-bedroom house in the low-income neighbourhood of Koutu was a table with broken legs and a baseball bat leaning against the wall.
Inside, a bowl of half-eaten noodles was on a table.
This was the scene of the crime; the mess the aftermath of a 21st party which raged one Saturday afternoon and night with loud music and brawls while a battered, malnourished little girl lay dying.
You'd need a Big Brother camera to get across the horror of the last days of Nia Glassie's miserably short life.
Failing Big Brother, child witnesses in the trial of who killed Nia, who assaulted her and who neglected her the most, probably told it best.
The children's identities were suppressed but what they said in court was hard to listen to.
They sometimes mixed up what happened when and ran incidents of abuse together. It didn't matter. What came out loud and clear was the nature of the abuse that went on and on, usually when Nia's mother was at work, but sometimes when she was there.
What was done to Nia was callous and violent, perpetrated by a group of no-hopers who lived and partied together, who smoked pot together and who for one reason or another didn't like the little girl they failed to protect.
Nia Maria Glassie was three. They thought she was ugly.
In court, via a television screen, a little girl says: They were kicking her to the couch.
Who?
Wiremu and Michael.
What with?
With their feet.
They kicked Nia in the head, and she points to the front of her head.
How many times?
Three times.
Then what happened?
She was falling asleep.
How hard was the kick?
Hard as a rock.
Wiremu put her to bed.
Sometimes Nia would bleed but they don't care about it. They just keep on smashing her, she says.
They put her in the corner and they kick her to the wall and she gets bumps on her head.
The worst thing, in this child's mind, was when Michael Curtis lifted Nia to the ceiling by her neck and her hips and when she touched the ceiling, he let her go.
This interview, and that of another child, was recorded when Nia was alive, though barely so.
She was in hospital, on a ventilator. Her brain injury, left untreated for 36 hours, was so severe parts of her brain tissue had died.
Another child tells how they spun Nia on the clothesline as fast as they could. Her voice is soft and shy.
They put her into the drier, too, she says.
The drier is in court. A Simpson with a small round door, 28cm in diameter.
Next to it, a tiny pink T-shirt with the words "Miss Cutie".
This is the T-shirt Nia was wearing when, finally, she was taken to hospital.
Who did this, a kindly woman asks the girl, about the drier.
Wiremu and Michael Curtis, she says. But it was Michael Pearson's idea.
She said to Michael Pearson, don't do it.
Why did you say this, asks the woman.
Because she's just a little kid, says the girl.
Michael Pearson told her to shut up.
We listen in appalled silence.
The defendants don't look appalled. Perhaps they're bored. Though, sometimes in court they laughed and whispered and often they tried to stare down the reporters covering the trial.
It was hard to read the stares, but certainly there was challenge in those largely blank eyes; even in court it seemed they were making lame attempts to be menacing.
That was until they listened to each other's statements as told to police when it happened, when they were all so quick to blame each other.
Then their body language changed dramatically and the main offenders, the Curtis brothers, had to be separated by guards.
The woman asks the second girl more about the clothes drier.
You turn it right up, replies the girl, and it gets hot then it dries your clothes.
Nia was screaming, she says, so they put her on the clothesline and they spinned her as fast as they could so she could fall off.
She did fall off, the little girl says. Three times. On her head.
They put Nia in the drier like "a ball", the girl says.
They turned the switch, the one with lots of numbers on it, up too high and Nia kicked the door open but they just put her legs back in.
They were laughing but this little girl didn't think it was funny.
The clothesline and the drier were on different days, and they were not what killed Nia. The kicks to the head killed her.
The girl also told how "they" shoved her in the sandpit and threw a basketball at her. But first they'd taken her jeans and undies off her and they'd pushed her in the sandpit on her bottom.
She was crying loud so they turned up the radio so the neighbours didn't hear. Then they watched DVDs and got some vegetables ready for Michael Curtis' 21st party.
When Lisa Kuka, Nia's mum, came home from work, around Shortland Street, she and this girl went out leaving the Curtis brothers, Nia and another child in the house.
Nia was all right when they left, but when they came back she was floppy and wouldn't wake up.
Nia "slept" the rest of Friday and all of Saturday and Sunday.
Both children told of wrestling moves the grown-ups got off the PlayStation 2 - which Wiremu had stolen - that they saw performed on Nia.
These moves are hard to envisage. If you don't have a PlayStation take a look at YouTube and type Smackdown! v Raw in the search bar. Then imagine adults doing this to a 3-year-old.
The children were cross-examined. They were sitting in a room next to the courtroom and their words and images came to the trial through a TV screen.
Five defence lawyers and the Crown questioned them and one of the defence lawyers suggested the wrestling was "funsies" that got a bit too hard. The jury obviously didn't agree.
Nia was a second-class citizen in that house. When it didn't make them angry and get her another hiding, they seemed to take pleasure in her crying.
One of the defendants told how she would sometimes whimper instead of crying because she knew if she cried she would get something else.
In New Zealand's long list of child abuse cases, children are often killed when a carer snaps in anger.
These ones were mean and violent, seemingly because they were bored, or perhaps because they could.
A police officer talked about a "pack mentality". One would do something so another one would do something else.
The abuse was normalised and it escalated. The brothers didn't play sport or work, there was booze and pot, though no suggestion of P.
They didn't have much money so were home a lot and found ways to entertain themselves.
Every day in court, a new horror unfolded. Jurors would stare at the defendants in disbelief.
Lisa Kuka, Nia's mother, received plenty of those stares. She knew at least some of what was happening to her daughter but did nothing to stop it, not even when Nia wouldn't wake up but could still have been saved.
Lisa Kuka, it seems, grew from a nice little girl into a woman whose life revolves around men and who demonstrated a frightening submission to them.
She was the 17th of 19 children. A former primary school teacher told us that while poor, the Kukas seemed a nice family. Lisa's older sisters, twins Louise and Linda, looked out for her.
They were not terribly bright, but they were good girls and they always had lunch and shoes.
"I look at her now, the photos of her on TV and she's got such hard eyes, absolutely hard," the teacher said. "I remember her as a rather bubbly, little bit silly-headed, giggly little girl."
She can't think what happened to Lisa, but says a lot of low socio-economic women in Rotorua get into playing the poker machines and going to housie and pubs.
"Their lives are very thin ... Thin in terms of interests and hobbies and ambitions. It would be the most unrewarding life I can imagine, and I've seen a lot of them like this. It's a sad thing."
Lisa has already found another man, one who promised to take her on holiday to Niue, his homeland, if she got off.
She had her tubes tied after Nia, but by the time she hooked up with Wiremu Curtis she had six children.
She was 34; Wiremu was 16 and not long out of school. He was described in court as "a slow learner".
His lawyer called him stupid and used his stupidity as a main plank in his defence.
Family members on both sides disapproved of the relationship. In court, in a police interview, we heard Lisa admit she loved Wiremu and that her loyalty was to him.
Whatever it was she saw in him, she was content to entrust the care of her daughter to someone who couldn't have been more woefully inadequate.
When Wiremu dobbed in his older brother Michael - the smart one - and Michael's girlfriend, Oriwa Kemp, during a police video interview screened in court, he was sobbing and sniffling and his story became wilder and wilder.
Michael was incensed at what he heard, and when they left for a break his fists were clenched. When they came back a guard sat between them and the cocky body language was gone. Michael was stony and Wiremu jerked his knees, slouched and squinted and chewed on something furiously.
The next day some of his fingers were plastered - apparently because he'd punched a wall - and he appeared to deteriorate from then on.
While his lawyer was giving his defence, Wiremu scribbled on a paper towel. A peek showed it to be some kind of rap song, but the words were incomprehensible.
A long list of abuses perpetrated by Wiremu against Nia was detailed in court.
He and Michael come from a very big long-established Rotorua family. Actor Cliff Curtis, famous for his role in Once Were Warriors - the movie about domestic violence which was inspired by the notorious Ford Block in Rotorua - is a cousin of the Curtis brothers' father, William.
William sat at the back of the courtroom every day. "The proud father," a policeman said cynically.
We can't say much about William, 49, because he faces his own trial over allegations that he, too, abused Nia.
His is said to have pulled a scarf around her neck until she went purple, at a previous address, which he denies.
Outside court, William told us he joined the Black Power at 14. When asked why his side of the family went into the gangs, he would only say "we've all got different ways".
He said when he split up with the brothers' mother, Michael, then 8, went with him and Wiremu spent some time with his mother and also with an aunt in Northland.
"I was a hard man," William said, though he reckons he'd left the gang. "He [Michael] was brought up the same way that I was, I was hard with him but."
They lived all over the place. Michael, he reckons, went to hell and back with him.
Michael was said in court to have bashed his girlfriend, Oriwa.
When Wiremu got together with a woman old enough to be his mother, William senior says he freaked out.
"A lot of people told Boy, [Wiremu] to finish with her. He wasn't ready to rear kids, he had a life out there, out in this world. He had dreams, he was going to go to Aussie."
William's bond, though, was with Michael. he is said to despise Wiremu.
When Wiremu was dobbing in Michael, William would mutter things like "this is bullshit".
In court, Michael was painted as the ringleader who looked after his brother, though police said to us it was more like bullying. It was Michael who came up with the story that Nia had fallen off Wiremu's shoulders.
Police described Wiremu as a "mummy's boy" and it was his mother, Tania Te Para-Heta, he ran to when Nia finally went to hospital.
He was rambling and incoherent and still drunk from the party, telling her how Nia had fallen off his shoulders. She encouraged him to talk to police again, not believing the story.
She seemed nice in court. Dignified and honest. Her appearance to give evidence brought the first real emotion from the brothers when she blew a kiss in their direction. It was as if they couldn't, or wouldn't, look at her, and they cried. A police officer told us their mother is disgusted with them. She lives in Australia now.
+ Show Spoiler +It's sad reading about the household Nia Glassie lived in. Have a read of this. It's a tragic story of a dysfunctional whanau - and make the Kahui's look tame.
Nia Glassie's mother Lisa Kuka and her partner Wiremu Curtis met at her nephews 21st and quickly moved in together after Kuka's former partner Glassie Glassie left her for a thinner girlfriend. They moved into the house with Nia around April last year after Curtis' father William,a Black Power gangster, kicked them out of the place they were living in with him, his daughter, his son and his sons partner and their child. All but Lisa Kuka were unemployed.
The couple had met when he was 15 - she's twice his age. William Curtis' partner "TT" left him, but his son Wiremu (Kuka's partner) was brought up by "TT"s sister and her husband. William Curtis has five children. Two of these are from his first relationship, and one killed himself as a teenager.
Lisa Kuka has 16 brothers and sisters. She also has six children to at least three different men, the oldest of whom is a year younger than her former partner Wiremu Curtis.
Living in 13D Frank St, Rotorua was Wiremu's brother Michael Curtis and his partner Oriwa Kemp who moved in a couple of months prior. None of them have jobs. Kemp was expelled from school, got pregnant to Michael Curtis at 14 and it is understood their daughter lived in the house - the only child in the house that lived with mum and dad. Also living in the house was Kuka's sister Louise, her unemployed son Michael Pearson who was convicted of assault, and two of Lisa Kuka's other children, Esther and Jessie, who never went to school last year and are currently in CYFS care with a family member. The rest of Kuka's children are living with another sister, Donna.
So, Michael Pearson was convicted of assault for his wrestling moves on his three year old cousin. His mother, Louise Kuka , hosted the 21st where Kuka and Curtis met, and was the person who took Nia to hospital, but then went clubbing with Lisa and another sister Linda " to take their mind off it". Then Louise spoke to the media saying she believed Lisa knew what was happening to Nia. No kidding - the two sisters were flatmates, clubmates and friends . "I'm so angry with her. She knew. She knew," she said.
Everyone in the flat knew. Everyone except Nia, because she was in a coma.
Louise Kuka can't have been very angry the night the women went clubbing. She should have been angry with her son, who has now been convicted of assault. So why wasn't she? Louise's sister Lisa was convicted of manslaughter. Lisa's partner was convicted of murder. So was his brother. Nia Glassie died on >August 3, three months after moving into the house.
Over a year ago Children's Commissioner Dr Cindy Kiro said she was "keeping her finger on the pulse" of the Glassie case, but would not begin any investigation of her own until the police inquiry and court action were completed.
Well, it's finished now. Let's see if she can find her finger. Had she investigated Lisa Kuku several years ago when CYFS took away one of her children after she suffered a head injury, this whole sorry episode may not have happened.
Not one of the people who lived in that house who got themselves into relationships are married. None of the adults currently live with their partners. Not one of their children live with their mother and their father.
Neither did Wiremu Curtis. He didn't live with either - then flatted with his dad in a house full of children fathered by different people at a time he should have been sitting level one NCEA.
+ Show Spoiler +Four young adults in Rotorua (aged 17 to 21) have tortured a three-year old girl. It almost makes me sick even typing this up, but they:
hung her on the clothesline spun her around until she flew off put her in an ice cold bath put her in a drying machine used her as a professional wrestling prop And even worse they were members of her extended family.
I’d be appalled if someone did that to a pet, let alone a child.
Intellectually I am against the death penalty. Emotionally I’m all in favour at the moment.
Many more stories where that came from, I just can't be bothered looking them all up and only remember this one's name.
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On July 13 2010 10:32 johnlee wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 10:26 zulu_nation8 wrote:On July 13 2010 10:19 johnlee wrote:On July 13 2010 08:48 zulu_nation8 wrote: If you're not exaggerating then please at least contact the counselors at your school. WTF LOL. I fucking hate suggestions like these; please make yourself sound more oblivious and ignorant to the person's situation. Do you really fucking think those counselors will do SHIT? Not trying to attack you and be bm, but there are so many reasons why you can't just "tell on the counselors" regarding family issues. ------------- To the poster: Damn... I understand completely what you're talking about. My dad goes into unreasonable rage modes every once in a while that just breaks the whole family apart. I won't QQ about my dad since it won't do any good but I hope that you'll be able to keep a clean conscience and a good heart even when he rages again. Some words of advice? Idk. I'm still a noob at this too hahaha: 1. Know that he is being unreasonable, BUT understand that he must be stressed because of ____ or ____. 2. HATE him for his stupid actions, but love and forgive him because he's your father. 3. Whenever it's your sister or mother who is afflicted by your father's rages, remember to always stay by their sides and comfort them. They need you. 4. Whenever you're afflicted, don't do anything reckless. Just swallow the anger or take it out on an inanimate object -- you're a better person. (Unless the dad does COMPLETELY unreasonable, like idk actually physically HURTING your mom or sister brutally, then which I don't think I could even hold myself back from attacking him.) And that's it I think. I don't know if this'll help much, but I really have been (and still continue to be) in your situation before so... stay strong Gooooood luck. Counselors provide an ear and a different perspective, i don't know what the fuck your problem is. My problem is that I experience things that YPang experiences, while you clearly don't if you write a one sentence reply suggesting counselors. Counselors won't do shit. Period. We don't need their fucking ears or different perspectives for $$$. End of story. Like I said, I wasn't trying to be BM, sorry if I offended you.
I empathize with OP. You sound like you have had bad experiences with counselors which is unfortunate but they are in no way universally unhelpful. In fact it's their job to help. The situation OP described is very complicated and I think it would be best to seek advice from people closer to him than from forum members who may have had similar experiences but still know very little about Yangp other than from what he's posted.
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On July 13 2010 10:36 Roffles wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 10:26 sob3k wrote:On July 13 2010 09:50 Roffles wrote:On July 13 2010 09:43 sob3k wrote:On July 13 2010 09:19 FragKrag wrote:
Assuming you call Child Services, you're still stuck. If anything I would suggest you to tell your mother to act like the perfect obedient Asian woman and do whatever he wants at least until you are out of college. You're not being a pussy. You're taking the only logical way out of this while securing yourself a source of income you can use to take your sister out. Sorry, but this is an absolutely disastrous idea...Its not possible for a human to "just stick it out and shut up" and avoid conflict for four years while you are at college. It sounds like a great compromise but jesus, I have seen this tried so many times. 1. It sounds like the situation is already deteriorating between the parents, it is not physically or emotionally possible to just ignore this for 4 years, if it has escalated over 10 years, it will continue to escalate. 2. Acting like "the perfect obedient Asian woman" will not pacify or avoid conflict, I guarantee your dad will find something to complain and become enraged about, and even if your mother COMPLETELY avoids any reponse to it, the atmosphere and relationship will become like a fucking toxic gas. 3. IT WILL FUCK YOUR SISTER UP. FUCK HER UP MAJORLY. Living with two parents who are constantly in conflict and hate and disrespect each other will cause your sister to develop serious emotional and relational problems. No matter how much you think people can just "tough it out" and be unaffected, its just not true. I have seen SO MANY people who are unable to live happy lives and are stuck with all kinds of terrible relationship problems because of living in environments like this. I'm sure your sister is a strong person, but she isn't magic. If you leave her in this deteriorating situation for (at minimum) 4 years, she will be effected. Haven't you heard LoveLine for gods sake? EVERY SINGLE PERSON calling up with major psychological problems grew up in an abusive home like this. Its not a fucking coincidence. Yes, money IS a serious concern, but there are thing more important. One of them is not potentially ruining the rest of your sisters life with emotional issues. Everyone in contact with this situation is negatively effected, your mom is effected, your dad is effected, your sister is effected, YOU are effected. Nobody escapes. Now you need to do you best to minimize further harm. Money is one factor, PLEASE weigh the others just as importantly. While you're right that money is one factor, you really have to consider the entire situation as a whole. Sure, YPang can care for himself now that's he's old enough to care for himself, but he's got a 10 year old sister. TEN YEAR OLD SISTER. What's going to happen to her if he calls Child Services? His sister doesn't stand to gain ANYTHING. No college, living off government shit for the next 8 years. Chances at college? Very minimal. Think about her life. I'm not saying she should get beat for the next 8 years, but I really do think that if he makes that call, somehow breaks the family apart, his sister loses the most. Her life is most likely going to shit if he makes that call. I still don't know why people are operating under the idea that you call Child Services and they instantly take the kids to an orphanage and set up a restraining order between the parents. Please take some time to google how DHS responds to these situations. They interview all the family members and the kids, then they come up with a counseling plan/program and potentially some progress visits. Taking kids away and breaking up families is THE ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT in cases of extreme neglect or risk of serious physical injury. They NEVER want to have to do this because they KNOW it destroys families and makes the situation worse. Unless your dad is carrying around a baseball bat or hasn't fed your sister in weeks you really don't have anything NEAR that to worry about....again, I encourage you to read how they assess and react to different situations...its all online. I've had a first hand experience. Yes, it's not just a call --> take him away thing, but you do have to realize that once you make that phone call, he's gonna be fucking pissed. And the more pissed he is, the more his family is going to suffer. He might not show it when social workers come to inspect the house, but his family is going to fucking get it sooner or later. There's little chance that his sister lives away from his mother, but you realize that in a situation like this, I don't see how his dad is going to react in a good way to him calling social services. I might be speaking from a biased cultural perspective though. Oh, sure, I predict his dad is not going to be happy.
However, not calling for help in a situation with an abusive/out-of-control person because you are afraid he will get angry? Thats a recipe for never ending abuse.
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On July 13 2010 10:32 johnlee wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 10:26 zulu_nation8 wrote:On July 13 2010 10:19 johnlee wrote:On July 13 2010 08:48 zulu_nation8 wrote: If you're not exaggerating then please at least contact the counselors at your school. WTF LOL. I fucking hate suggestions like these; please make yourself sound more oblivious and ignorant to the person's situation. Do you really fucking think those counselors will do SHIT? Not trying to attack you and be bm, but there are so many reasons why you can't just "tell on the counselors" regarding family issues. ------------- To the poster: Damn... I understand completely what you're talking about. My dad goes into unreasonable rage modes every once in a while that just breaks the whole family apart. I won't QQ about my dad since it won't do any good but I hope that you'll be able to keep a clean conscience and a good heart even when he rages again. Some words of advice? Idk. I'm still a noob at this too hahaha: 1. Know that he is being unreasonable, BUT understand that he must be stressed because of ____ or ____. 2. HATE him for his stupid actions, but love and forgive him because he's your father. 3. Whenever it's your sister or mother who is afflicted by your father's rages, remember to always stay by their sides and comfort them. They need you. 4. Whenever you're afflicted, don't do anything reckless. Just swallow the anger or take it out on an inanimate object -- you're a better person. (Unless the dad does COMPLETELY unreasonable, like idk actually physically HURTING your mom or sister brutally, then which I don't think I could even hold myself back from attacking him.) And that's it I think. I don't know if this'll help much, but I really have been (and still continue to be) in your situation before so... stay strong Gooooood luck. Counselors provide an ear and a different perspective, i don't know what the fuck your problem is. My problem is that I experience things that YPang experiences, while you clearly don't if you write a one sentence reply suggesting counselors. Counselors won't do shit. Period. We don't need their fucking ears or different perspectives for $$$. End of story. Like I said, I wasn't trying to be BM, sorry if I offended you.
How are counselors a bad thing? It's not like you're forced to go talk to one! Jesus. Some people would rather talk with a "random person" about their emotions rather than someone they know.
EDIT: Not directed at the OP.
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