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I hate my dad - Page 14

Blogs > YPang
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Salv
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
Canada3083 Posts
July 13 2010 19:47 GMT
#261
It's none of my business GS, but if your sister is getting physically beaten, with slaps, punches, or kicks, you should call protective services, or at least talk with them. Find out some information, I highly doubt that you call and then they raid your house, you can can and ask for information on what their next steps would be if you officially called for help. By not calling, even just for information on what would happen, you're doing a great disservice to your mother and especially sister.

Good luck, although I am a bit puzzled why you post this on TL and not SWBK.
[UoN]Sentinel
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States11320 Posts
July 13 2010 20:04 GMT
#262
I thought you'd be a little kid bitching about some little thing like your dad turning off your xbox and telling you to go play outside but DAMN, he's got some issues.
Нас зовет дух отцов, память старых бойцов, дух Москвы и твердыня Полтавы
deo.deo
Profile Joined April 2010
135 Posts
July 13 2010 20:14 GMT
#263
so strange how all the asian kids justify the behavior with him having stress at work.

WAKE UP 90% of all adults are going to work and having stress at work, welcome to the real life... how brainwashed you have to be to take that as an excuse.
You all can write your 10 pages of text how its all so different in asian families etc.. doesnt change the fact that it is a case of child abuse and there is NO excuse for it.

and if you had a little self respect you wouldn't tolerate that, and most of all not give him advice to "swallow the anger" ...
Salv
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
Canada3083 Posts
July 13 2010 20:23 GMT
#264
On July 14 2010 05:14 deo.deo wrote:
so strange how all the asian kids justify the behavior with him having stress at work.

WAKE UP 90% of all adults are going to work and having stress at work, welcome to the real life... how brainwashed you have to be to take that as an excuse.
You all can write your 10 pages of text how its all so different in asian families etc.. doesnt change the fact that it is a case of child abuse and there is NO excuse for it.

and if you had a little self respect you wouldn't tolerate that, and most of all not give him advice to "swallow the anger" ...


After going through the thread a bit and looking at some posts I agree 100%. I don't know how many of the posters of such ridiculousness are Asian, but I agree with you saying how shocking it is that people are defending this father assuming it's true. I don't care who your father is, you don't hit your wife or your kids. My father owns his own company and has a lot of stress as well. I live in a household that makes a large portion more than the average family, so I can say I feel my father probably has more stress than the average man, and he's never beaten any one in my family.

To every one here saying, "Try to understand he's under a lot of stress" and things to that degree, are you insane? Every father gets angry and over-reacts, but either I have a saint of a father who can control himself to not punch, slap, or kick his kids or wife and that is outside of the norm, or every one who has posted the former needs a reality check.
Fen
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
Australia1848 Posts
July 13 2010 20:29 GMT
#265
Look, you have to be there for your sister. You need to develop a REALLY strong bond with her. Take her out to lunch at least once a week, see her every couple of days. Ring her up and talk to her often. Give her the option of coming over and staying with you whenever she wants, no questions asked. Just the two of you.

She is 10 years old. She needs someone who she can turn to and someone who will look after her. And most importantly someone she can talk to, who knows what she is going through and that she can trust. Your mum isnt going to be there for her and she cannot be left to go through this abuse alone, it could fuck her up for life.
NonFactor
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Sweden698 Posts
July 13 2010 20:31 GMT
#266
This is a no brainer imo. A 10 year old girl is getting beaten. Even if you might not think so, you still have the responsibility as a big brother to protect her, even if it is from your own father. Something needs to be done, and just ''accepting it and waiting till you get away'' would be wrong imo.

Be it child services, police, counselors, or even you just going up to him yourself and explaining that enough is enough, something has to be done.
iloahz
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
United States964 Posts
July 13 2010 20:31 GMT
#267
FUCK, my dad is exactly like that. I'm the only child and I've been mostly away for college. So my mom has been taking the brunt of it all. Damn I would burst into tears whenever I think about how my mom has gone through these years...
Tenryu
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States565 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-13 20:50:40
July 13 2010 20:42 GMT
#268
Id have to agree with most of the people here. I know im repeating people here but there is no way anyone can justify "stress at work" as a reasoning to act the way he does. It just.. doesnt make sense. Your father is just a coward who cant cope with everyday life so he has to lash it out to those weaker then him to make himself feel important and better. Thats all there is to it.

Oh yeah, and not to mention that the OP has mentioned that his father never seems stressed about work, he's always bragging at how awesome the company is. Anyways, how much of that is true or not, what he is doing is wrong.

Those who are sadly protecting his father by arguing about stress and shit need to stop and think for a minute. Is there anything.. ANYTHING.. ANYTHING out there that justifies leaving bruises on a 10 yr old girls face and body?? Please, i would like to know how far your idiocy goes.
http://myanimelist.net/profile/Understar
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-13 22:36:47
July 13 2010 22:32 GMT
#269
On July 13 2010 15:50 Orome wrote:
haha the communist 'accusation' was in the tone, not the content.

It's interesting that I think you started off saying the people in this thread were too idealistic and in the end your solution seems the most idealistic of all (I don't mean that derogatively) in that it focuses on the means to come to a true solution, not a patchwork solution that lets everyone get by. but yeah, this is getting way too complicated for my tired brain and there's a good chance I'm misreading your argument. I really need to go sleep.

maybe later!

I started off berating others because they seemed to believe that any sort of shallow measures will solve his problems. In this way I still disagree with KissBlade even if we both agree that Westerners will not understand the subtleties of the situation, because he is advocating a soft approach where one comes to reconciliation with the system and I am advocating an eventual deconstruction of the system as a whole which will always require a decisive action at some point in time. But to deconstruct the system you must have an intimate understanding of the system not just through knowledge but direct experience and wisdom, and this is why outsiders can never fix the actual fundamental issues as they will only be able to fix what is on the surface. Even we fellow Asians that have experienced the same things are limited in what we can do as every case is different, and as such every answer will be and can only be a subjective answer, not an objective one. It doesn't seem like YPang's father is even reconcilable in any way anyway. His actions and his words, if we assume that YPang is truthful, are completely decadent. The fact that the father doesn't beat YPang anymore as he grew just shows even though he has contempt for his academic achievements, etc., kinda just shows that the father is a coward that takes advantage of whatever he can. There is no use in reconciling with such a man as it simply enables him. From what little I know it doesn't seem like YPang's father cares for the success of others. His family is simply his punching bag (pun not intended). This has to be pulled by the roots, and this action can only be done by YPang himself and his sister. Outside help in the form of public services can only serve to help the symptoms. The cause can only be amended by the individual himself.
YPang
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
United States4024 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-13 22:41:28
July 13 2010 22:40 GMT
#270
My dad's reason for not beating me anymore is he says "you're older so you understand the importance of education", and when i was younger he would say i don't understand importance of education even though i reiteriate what he told me word for word verbatim when i was younger, and i still do.

My sister is going through a similar childhood as me, but she has it WAY WAY easier than i did as a child. I could go on forever, but when i first immigrated to north america and didn't know ANY english at the age of 8, i was beaten in average of 3 times a week, for month. Because i couldn't bring any of the school work home, and back in china everything handed back to us could be brought home. So they thought i was hiding it from them, and they didn't understand nor believe me.

His philosophy is "If you don't succeed academically, nothing else matters, not even food nor sleep" -no exaggeration, translated as best as i could from chinese to english.
sMi.Gladstone | BW: B high| SC2: gold T_T
deo.deo
Profile Joined April 2010
135 Posts
July 13 2010 22:47 GMT
#271
On July 14 2010 07:32 koreasilver wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 13 2010 15:50 Orome wrote:
haha the communist 'accusation' was in the tone, not the content.

It's interesting that I think you started off saying the people in this thread were too idealistic and in the end your solution seems the most idealistic of all (I don't mean that derogatively) in that it focuses on the means to come to a true solution, not a patchwork solution that lets everyone get by. but yeah, this is getting way too complicated for my tired brain and there's a good chance I'm misreading your argument. I really need to go sleep.

maybe later!

I started off berating others because they seemed to believe that any sort of shallow measures will solve his problems. In this way I still disagree with KissBlade even if we both agree that Westerners will not understand the subtleties of the situation, because he is advocating a soft approach where one comes to reconciliation with the system and I am advocating an eventual deconstruction of the system as a whole which will always require a decisive action at some point in time. But to deconstruct the system you must have an intimate understanding of the system not just through knowledge but direct experience and wisdom, and this is why outsiders can never fix the actual fundamental issues as they will only be able to fix what is on the surface. Even we fellow Asians that have experienced the same things are limited in what we can do as every case is different, and as such every answer will be and can only be a subjective answer, not an objective one. It doesn't seem like YPang's father is even reconcilable in any way anyway. His actions and his words, if we assume that YPang is truthful, are completely decadent. The fact that the father doesn't beat YPang anymore as he grew just shows even though he has contempt for his academic achievements, etc., kinda just shows that the father is a coward that takes advantage of whatever he can. There is no use in reconciling with such a man as it simply enables him. From what little I know it doesn't seem like YPang's father cares for the success of others. His family is simply his punching bag (pun not intended). This has to be pulled by the roots, and this action can only be done by YPang himself and his sister. Outside help in the form of public services can only serve to help the symptoms. The cause can only be amended by the individual himself.


yada yada ... only because you use big words doesnt make it anymore reasonable.
The bottom line is a child gets abused and it should be stopped, in ANY country, religion or ethnicity.
The rest is just talk to talk.
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-13 23:34:49
July 13 2010 22:54 GMT
#272
"You understand the importance of education" and then he berates you for not having good grades. It just seems like he realizes that he can't beat you all he wants anymore. Seems like a convenient excuse.

The thing is, even besides this the entire tirade of your mom and the meat for the barbecue and what ensued afterwards because of it is just unjustifiable. This is a deep seated issue with your dad that goes beyond the general cultural issues. Your dad is decadent.

The obsession with academics in the greater Asian society is a cancer, but this is a separate issue. Your dad is irreconcilable because he acts in a way that cannot be justified even if we put the cultural obsession with academics as a right.
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
July 13 2010 22:56 GMT
#273
On July 14 2010 07:47 deo.deo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 14 2010 07:32 koreasilver wrote:
On July 13 2010 15:50 Orome wrote:
haha the communist 'accusation' was in the tone, not the content.

It's interesting that I think you started off saying the people in this thread were too idealistic and in the end your solution seems the most idealistic of all (I don't mean that derogatively) in that it focuses on the means to come to a true solution, not a patchwork solution that lets everyone get by. but yeah, this is getting way too complicated for my tired brain and there's a good chance I'm misreading your argument. I really need to go sleep.

maybe later!

I started off berating others because they seemed to believe that any sort of shallow measures will solve his problems. In this way I still disagree with KissBlade even if we both agree that Westerners will not understand the subtleties of the situation, because he is advocating a soft approach where one comes to reconciliation with the system and I am advocating an eventual deconstruction of the system as a whole which will always require a decisive action at some point in time. But to deconstruct the system you must have an intimate understanding of the system not just through knowledge but direct experience and wisdom, and this is why outsiders can never fix the actual fundamental issues as they will only be able to fix what is on the surface. Even we fellow Asians that have experienced the same things are limited in what we can do as every case is different, and as such every answer will be and can only be a subjective answer, not an objective one. It doesn't seem like YPang's father is even reconcilable in any way anyway. His actions and his words, if we assume that YPang is truthful, are completely decadent. The fact that the father doesn't beat YPang anymore as he grew just shows even though he has contempt for his academic achievements, etc., kinda just shows that the father is a coward that takes advantage of whatever he can. There is no use in reconciling with such a man as it simply enables him. From what little I know it doesn't seem like YPang's father cares for the success of others. His family is simply his punching bag (pun not intended). This has to be pulled by the roots, and this action can only be done by YPang himself and his sister. Outside help in the form of public services can only serve to help the symptoms. The cause can only be amended by the individual himself.


yada yada ... only because you use big words doesnt make it anymore reasonable.
The bottom line is a child gets abused and it should be stopped, in ANY country, religion or ethnicity.
The rest is just talk to talk.

If you are able to read you would know that I am not disagreeing with you. But because you cannot read nor even try to read, you are an idiot. You speak for the sake of speaking with no justifications or reason. You are lazy, complacent, and ignorant.
NotJumperer
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United States1371 Posts
July 13 2010 22:57 GMT
#274
--- Nuked ---
YoonHo
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Canada1043 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-13 23:04:56
July 13 2010 23:03 GMT
#275
^ agreed, I've had my own share of problems with my dad. Long story short, even though my mom ran away from him with me and my sisters, we ended up being with our dad again. However, by then, all of us were old enough, 14-21 yrs old, and we did not fuck around when he started to do all that terrible shit again. Fighting back (not literally fistfighting -_-) did not solve everything instantly but in the long run, it was definitely worth it. I'm not a badass Asian or anything, neither are my sisters, however we did it because it was the right thing to do.
IUFam Golf Wang~ NrGsteve
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
July 13 2010 23:06 GMT
#276
Are you even reading? I'm not arguing against seeking help. I am arguing that just that by itself is not enough as it doesn't solve the root of the problem. In the end it has to be YPang that does something to solve the root of the issue. I can only assume that you actually can't read or even try to read, and putting words into my mouth? I never said that social workers will ruin the family? You're making false accusations and arguing against an argument that I have never said. You are pretty much running completely off of emotional arguments without even trying to read arguments - that aren't even completely contrary. I never said that outside help will not help at all, I am saying that it can not solve the fundamental issue. There's no point in arguing with you as you aren't arguing - you are simply spewing words with no cohesiveness.
NotJumperer
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United States1371 Posts
July 13 2010 23:07 GMT
#277
--- Nuked ---
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
July 13 2010 23:08 GMT
#278
I mean, you two can might as well post "tldr; too lazy to read and I have no idea what you're saying but you're wrong!"

You should apply to work for Fox News.
YoonHo
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Canada1043 Posts
July 13 2010 23:12 GMT
#279
On July 14 2010 08:08 koreasilver wrote:
I mean, you two can might as well post "tldr; too lazy to read and I have no idea what you're saying but you're wrong!"

You should apply to work for Fox News.


? Sorry, I only read Jumperer's post, I didn't realize that you two were in a debate together. I was simply stating with my post that, YPang should at least try to do something about his problem such as school guidance, a talk with entire family, moving out, or I don't know, whatever might be beneficial. Anyway, please leave me out of this thing between you and jumperer, I think just because I said "agreed", you thought I was backing him up which is completely false.
IUFam Golf Wang~ NrGsteve
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-07-13 23:15:41
July 13 2010 23:13 GMT
#280
Oh, I don't mean you, sorry. Didn't see you there. I was talking to Jumperer and deo.deo.

What you and your sisters did is what YPang and his sister needs to do. They need to muster the strength and courage to break apart the cause of the issue, not just put band aids over the symptoms ad infinitum.
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