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On July 14 2010 12:57 BottleAbuser wrote:
Hmph. You can color this as a product of cultural difference, but it's irrelevant. It doesn't help in solving the problem, and it doesn't help us understand the problem any more clearly.
Oh, and "disorder" or not, the harm he is inflicting is real, regardless of the reason. A raving lunatic who derails a train because the voices told him to kills just as many people as the jihadist who does it because a book tells him to, or a soldier does "for justice." There should be sufficient efforts to stop all three, instead of looking at the lunatic and saying "oh, he has, you know, a disorder. Let's not stop that one."
There is no need to go through what mister refers to as a "phase." One doesn't look at a young criminal and say "oh, maybe he just needs go through that phase before he becomes a productive member of society, just like xyz."
I'll shut up before I get more sidetracked.
 It's just an idea... And I'm talking about broad lines here. Not about practical advice. So in a way it is irrelevant. The phase you are talking about is more specific than the one I was musing about. I do not believe in any way that a criminal is just going through a phase. Also, I was talking about a disorder precisely because you then can do something about it. Not the other way round... I'm sad that I failed to communicate my idea clearly.
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Any updates regarding the situation OP?
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I hate my dad too. But when I read what your dad's like, my dad is really harmless.
Sucks that your father never learned to just enjoy life for what it is and be happy with what he's got. My father is expecting me to follow a certain path that just isn't for me, and he's disappointed and tries to make me learn things he finds interesting through various types of punishment. I've never been interested in the things he's interested in, and it annoys me every time when he looks down on me for not finding whatever he likes interesting.
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If you call protective services, your mom is not gonna give up your dad, because frankly people here don't consider what the alternative is and don't understand the Chinese community.
It's not easy and it certainly won't be "harm"-free for your family emotionally. Best thing for the OP to do is to protect your sister, your mom probably knows how to handle herself; your sister isn't as able.
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Don't call anyone unless something really bad happens. Just endure it for now, not much you can do. Watch out for your sis, if you see more bruises talk to your dad directly and threaten him. When you are out of college just move on and let him be. Maybe you will be able to support your mother and allow her to decide whether she wants to stay with her husband or move out, for now you have no option.
I thought your sis was a bit older, unless you have 2 sisters.
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I don't know how you can sit there and not call social services when your sister is being beaten on a regular basis. She deserves better than that. Beyond that, there are college funds available to those who have been raised in the care of social services. The bottom line is your parents don't deserve to raise your sister and your sister deserves much better treatment.
Inaction in this case is action. You are as guilty for the treatment of your sister by sitting by and doing nothing.
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GS! ! take my guest pass! Thank daemon too! <33 i'll pm on smi site
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You're dad is a fob or something right?
Everybody all "go call child services" is stupid. They have no idea what that even means or entails. They just look "oh man, something bad is happening that I don't think should happen....so I need to do something about it."
Just suck it up and live with it. You're almost out. Support your sister till she gets out and don't look back. Grow a pair. Tell your dad you actually love your sister, unlike him and will beat the fuck out of him if he touches her.
There was one girl I dated who was in a remarkably similar situation familywise. Dad being mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive towards everybody in the family. Sometimes under the influence, sometimes not. He actually went to jail a few times for domestic violence (not charged, cause the mom/wife didnt wanna press charges, but they chilled him out in jail). And he cheated and slept around and shit.
So, one day before he knew I was dating his daughter he called her while I was with her and started seriously verbally berating her. I took the phone and told him to fuck off, basically and hung up on him. She was scared and all cause....nobody does that. He makes all the money etc etc etc. Typical asian response.
So I think he lightens up mostly, one day I was picking her up when he was arguing with my gf's sister. Not my business because she DOES have a tendency to act out and stuff. Except when I was turning to go, he hits her. I'm not against physical discipline necessarily, but this was like, closed fist action repeatedly.
Just kinda stomp into the room, tell him he can't fucking do that. They usually get blustery and who the fuck are you etc etc etc. Trying to intimidate you or whatever. He might even threaten to hit you too. You just stand your ground, steel your spine, and give him the best jaedong-deathglare you can. Don't be a pussy. Don't back down. Be a fucking man. Be worthwhile.
If he hits you, beat the fuck out of him. If you cant beat the fuck out of him, bring a crew and do it.
The answer is to respond first in a way bullies understand. Show them that they do not rule the block and people will stand up to them. This will solve the majority of cases. Bullies exert power into a vacuum where nobody contests it. In the minority cases that physical violence is necessary, a dose or two of good action is all it takes.
In the end, it all turned out okay and no violence was necessary. However, you DO have to be willing to visit it upon whomever. I can't take all the credit for helping in this case, because the wife's friends were also putting some asian politik pressure on him as well, but it does work in the other situations.
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On July 27 2010 14:45 dogabutila wrote:
You're dad is a fob or something right?
Everybody all "go call child services" is stupid. They have no idea what that even means or entails. They just look "oh man, something bad is happening that I don't think should happen....so I need to do something about it."
Just suck it up and live with it. You're almost out. Support your sister till she gets out and don't look back. Grow a pair. Tell your dad you actually love your sister, unlike him and will beat the fuck out of him if he touches her.
There was one girl I dated who was in a remarkably similar situation familywise. Dad being mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive towards everybody in the family. Sometimes under the influence, sometimes not. He actually went to jail a few times for domestic violence (not charged, cause the mom/wife didnt wanna press charges, but they chilled him out in jail). And he cheated and slept around and shit.
So, one day before he knew I was dating his daughter he called her while I was with her and started seriously verbally berating her. I took the phone and told him to fuck off, basically and hung up on him. She was scared and all cause....nobody does that. He makes all the money etc etc etc. Typical asian response.
So I think he lightens up mostly, one day I was picking her up when he was arguing with my gf's sister. Not my business because she DOES have a tendency to act out and stuff. Except when I was turning to go, he hits her. I'm not against physical discipline necessarily, but this was like, closed fist action repeatedly.
Just kinda stomp into the room, tell him he can't fucking do that. They usually get blustery and who the fuck are you etc etc etc. Trying to intimidate you or whatever. He might even threaten to hit you too. You just stand your ground, steel your spine, and give him the best jaedong-deathglare you can. Don't be a pussy. Don't back down. Be a fucking man. Be worthwhile.
If he hits you, beat the fuck out of him. If you cant beat the fuck out of him, bring a crew and do it.
The answer is to respond first in a way bullies understand. Show them that they do not rule the block and people will stand up to them. This will solve the majority of cases. Bullies exert power into a vacuum where nobody contests it. In the minority cases that physical violence is necessary, a dose or two of good action is all it takes.
In the end, it all turned out okay and no violence was necessary. However, you DO have to be willing to visit it upon whomever. I can't take all the credit for helping in this case, because the wife's friends were also putting some asian politik pressure on him as well, but it does work in the other situations.
People shouldn't just "deal with" abuse. A father is there to support, raise, and love his children not to beat them and rule over them using fear to control their lives. I never understood the idea that you need to "be a man" and deal with everything yourself. "Stand your ground and use violence". That's childish imo.
The thing to do is contact authorities. There is no reason to get physically involved when it can be resolved through the legal system. If he "beats the fuck" out of his father he can have chargers pressed against him. He can only do so much to protect his sister.
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im really sorry to hear this man
i cant understand how horrible that must be, because i was fortunate enough to have kind parents.... im really sorry you gotta go through this
i do not feel qualified in any respect to give u advice, but i know that at the very least its wrong to just leave things the way they are.
best of luck man, stay strong
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On July 27 2010 14:58 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On July 27 2010 14:45 dogabutila wrote:
You're dad is a fob or something right?
Everybody all "go call child services" is stupid. They have no idea what that even means or entails. They just look "oh man, something bad is happening that I don't think should happen....so I need to do something about it."
Just suck it up and live with it. You're almost out. Support your sister till she gets out and don't look back. Grow a pair. Tell your dad you actually love your sister, unlike him and will beat the fuck out of him if he touches her.
There was one girl I dated who was in a remarkably similar situation familywise. Dad being mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive towards everybody in the family. Sometimes under the influence, sometimes not. He actually went to jail a few times for domestic violence (not charged, cause the mom/wife didnt wanna press charges, but they chilled him out in jail). And he cheated and slept around and shit.
So, one day before he knew I was dating his daughter he called her while I was with her and started seriously verbally berating her. I took the phone and told him to fuck off, basically and hung up on him. She was scared and all cause....nobody does that. He makes all the money etc etc etc. Typical asian response.
So I think he lightens up mostly, one day I was picking her up when he was arguing with my gf's sister. Not my business because she DOES have a tendency to act out and stuff. Except when I was turning to go, he hits her. I'm not against physical discipline necessarily, but this was like, closed fist action repeatedly.
Just kinda stomp into the room, tell him he can't fucking do that. They usually get blustery and who the fuck are you etc etc etc. Trying to intimidate you or whatever. He might even threaten to hit you too. You just stand your ground, steel your spine, and give him the best jaedong-deathglare you can. Don't be a pussy. Don't back down. Be a fucking man. Be worthwhile.
If he hits you, beat the fuck out of him. If you cant beat the fuck out of him, bring a crew and do it.
The answer is to respond first in a way bullies understand. Show them that they do not rule the block and people will stand up to them. This will solve the majority of cases. Bullies exert power into a vacuum where nobody contests it. In the minority cases that physical violence is necessary, a dose or two of good action is all it takes.
In the end, it all turned out okay and no violence was necessary. However, you DO have to be willing to visit it upon whomever. I can't take all the credit for helping in this case, because the wife's friends were also putting some asian politik pressure on him as well, but it does work in the other situations. People shouldn't just "deal with" abuse. A father is there to support, raise, and love his children not to beat them and rule over them using fear to control their lives. I never understood the idea that you need to "be a man" and deal with everything yourself. "Stand your ground and use violence". That's childish imo. The thing to do is contact authorities. There is no reason to get physically involved when it can be resolved through the legal system. If he "beats the fuck" out of his father he can have chargers pressed against him. He can only do so much to protect his sister.
Ideally nobody would be abused and nobody would have to deal with it. The legal system will not resolve anything. Get the dad arrested? Okay so then what do they eat? Plus whose to say that the mother will agree to press charges? Child services? Yea right. Foster homes are notorious for abusing the kids they pick up.
And the dad won't press charges. Asian culture.
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Vatican City State2594 Posts
Just wanted to let you know that you are not the only kid in this situation... Many Asian parents are like that... Especially the stressed/drunk ones. It's tough and there probably is no safe solution for your family. Go the Gandhi way and fight him with peace.
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So many people are suggesting things like calling the police or child abuse or domestic abuse whatever it is.
Ionno dude. I've been in this dudes situation with college with the yelling the retarded torture-like punishments etc. Been dealing with it for as long as he has, as has my older brother, sister, and mom.
It's hard to explain asian culture to people who weren't brought up in it. Theres really not much that can be done. I know that all these years I've learned to avoid seeing my dad during the day and night, the only times i see him are at dinner where I've learned to eat my meal in under 10 minutes and not talk during. I've gone months at a time without talkign to my dad and its better that way.
All I can say is, all these years i've survived with several bruises and bloody noses, my brother survived too, barely, my sister hasn't had to go through as much. But trust me theres not much taht can be done.
If I've made it through that and my familys made it through that then I'll just say, just stick through it, I know it sucks and I know you'll think that there has to be another option better, but right now I know that just sticking through it has worked for me, so....yeah....
As Murderotica said above me, many asian families go through it.
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Stories like this make me want to grab a gun and blow people's fucking heads off. Bad people of course.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On July 28 2010 13:20 dogabutila wrote:Show nested quote +On July 27 2010 14:58 DoctorHelvetica wrote:On July 27 2010 14:45 dogabutila wrote:
You're dad is a fob or something right?
Everybody all "go call child services" is stupid. They have no idea what that even means or entails. They just look "oh man, something bad is happening that I don't think should happen....so I need to do something about it."
Just suck it up and live with it. You're almost out. Support your sister till she gets out and don't look back. Grow a pair. Tell your dad you actually love your sister, unlike him and will beat the fuck out of him if he touches her.
There was one girl I dated who was in a remarkably similar situation familywise. Dad being mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive towards everybody in the family. Sometimes under the influence, sometimes not. He actually went to jail a few times for domestic violence (not charged, cause the mom/wife didnt wanna press charges, but they chilled him out in jail). And he cheated and slept around and shit.
So, one day before he knew I was dating his daughter he called her while I was with her and started seriously verbally berating her. I took the phone and told him to fuck off, basically and hung up on him. She was scared and all cause....nobody does that. He makes all the money etc etc etc. Typical asian response.
So I think he lightens up mostly, one day I was picking her up when he was arguing with my gf's sister. Not my business because she DOES have a tendency to act out and stuff. Except when I was turning to go, he hits her. I'm not against physical discipline necessarily, but this was like, closed fist action repeatedly.
Just kinda stomp into the room, tell him he can't fucking do that. They usually get blustery and who the fuck are you etc etc etc. Trying to intimidate you or whatever. He might even threaten to hit you too. You just stand your ground, steel your spine, and give him the best jaedong-deathglare you can. Don't be a pussy. Don't back down. Be a fucking man. Be worthwhile.
If he hits you, beat the fuck out of him. If you cant beat the fuck out of him, bring a crew and do it.
The answer is to respond first in a way bullies understand. Show them that they do not rule the block and people will stand up to them. This will solve the majority of cases. Bullies exert power into a vacuum where nobody contests it. In the minority cases that physical violence is necessary, a dose or two of good action is all it takes.
In the end, it all turned out okay and no violence was necessary. However, you DO have to be willing to visit it upon whomever. I can't take all the credit for helping in this case, because the wife's friends were also putting some asian politik pressure on him as well, but it does work in the other situations. People shouldn't just "deal with" abuse. A father is there to support, raise, and love his children not to beat them and rule over them using fear to control their lives. I never understood the idea that you need to "be a man" and deal with everything yourself. "Stand your ground and use violence". That's childish imo. The thing to do is contact authorities. There is no reason to get physically involved when it can be resolved through the legal system. If he "beats the fuck" out of his father he can have chargers pressed against him. He can only do so much to protect his sister. Ideally nobody would be abused and nobody would have to deal with it. The legal system will not resolve anything. Get the dad arrested? Okay so then what do they eat? Plus whose to say that the mother will agree to press charges? Child services? Yea right. Foster homes are notorious for abusing the kids they pick up. And the dad won't press charges. Asian culture.
fwiw as long as he strikes you first, you should be fine regarding the charges?
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This would technically be true, were it not a minor and his father. He could technically claim he was using parental rights to discipline and then you assaulted him. Etc. Then it goes to court, and we all know anything can happen in court.
In reality though, they will all view the best way to settle the matter as one without governmental help regardless.
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On July 26 2010 12:00 Pineapple wrote:
Any updates regarding the situation OP?
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On July 26 2010 15:43 News wrote:
Don't call anyone unless something really bad happens. Just endure it for now, not much you can do. Watch out for your sis, if you see more bruises talk to your dad directly and threaten him. When you are out of college just move on and let him be. Maybe you will be able to support your mother and allow her to decide whether she wants to stay with her husband or move out, for now you have no option.
I thought your sis was a bit older, unless you have 2 sisters.
I agree with this. I'm Asian too, and my dad is almost 100% like this except he only talks down on my family members and I. I actually wrote a blog thread like this almost a year ago, but the advice isn't as good as this thread.
What I'm trying to get at is to bear with it. If you lasted this long then you can continue to live your life. Like the quoted statement suggested, only call someone/police if it gets really serious. IN MY OPINION, Asian dads are hella stubborn. They would say or do something in order to make them sound and look like the alpha male. My dad is kinda mentally stable, but he has this attitude like he's the king and that he's the smartest man on Earth. Whenever my mom, brother, or myself, do something wrong and it's not a big deal, he goes ape shit. He then of course, starts calling things like "you're fucking stupid", "you're worthless", etc. Don't want to drag on, but good luck, and maybe give us an updated situation.
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On July 13 2010 08:48 Dozle wrote:
I have the same problem, but with my mom.
When I move out I plan on taking as much shit as possible and never speaking to her again.
My dad is cool though.
Yeah same =/, it was my mother, who did this kind of shit to me. She even once tried accusing me of trying to kill her even when it was a lie, for lord knows what reason. I haven't talked to her in almost a year now though since I've been living with my dad for the past 3 years, and only because I had the guts to run away from that bitch (thank god I did). But as for the OP, man you just need to get into a I don't give a damn moment and knock your father out. If you explain this story to the cops, I'm pretty sure they'll understand, especially if you have your mother and sister to back up your story. I'm pretty sure it's obvious your father will never ever change, so you need to man up and take matters into your own hands if you really care about your mother and sister. Good luck~
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Are things a bit better now?
User was temp banned for this post.
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EPT
