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On July 13 2010 11:08 YPang wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:06 zulu_nation8 wrote:
YPang you should talk to people who are close to you for advice and explore all options. By making this blog you obviously hope for something to be changed. Don't just wake up tomorrow and forget everything. The only person close to me right now is my mom, all my family is in china, and im sure they support what my dad does. Infact my dad tells my aunts and uncles to beat their child with belts, and don't do it with a stick because you'll have to bring them to a hospital. I can't really talk to it with my mom, because she tends to tell things to my dad, and if she tells him what i told her, it could lead to bigger trouble.
You could always talk to a councilor. Or better yet, next doctor's visit, you can talk to the doctor. The doctor always does the "Will the parents step out of the room" thingy during the middle of your physical and ask you if you want to talk about anything without your parents knowing.
I did this with my doctor (I have a couple friends whos parents are x.x to), and she suggested going to counseling. Of course, she knew that Asian parents will practically never go to counseling.
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On July 13 2010 11:17 LSB wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:08 YPang wrote:On July 13 2010 11:06 zulu_nation8 wrote:
YPang you should talk to people who are close to you for advice and explore all options. By making this blog you obviously hope for something to be changed. Don't just wake up tomorrow and forget everything. The only person close to me right now is my mom, all my family is in china, and im sure they support what my dad does. Infact my dad tells my aunts and uncles to beat their child with belts, and don't do it with a stick because you'll have to bring them to a hospital. I can't really talk to it with my mom, because she tends to tell things to my dad, and if she tells him what i told her, it could lead to bigger trouble. You could always talk to a councilor. Or better yet, next doctor's visit, you can talk to the doctor. The doctor always does the "Will the parents step out of the room" thingy during the middle of your physical and ask you if you want to talk about anything without your parents knowing. I did this with my doctor (I have a couple friends whos parents are x.x to), and she suggested going to counseling. Of course, she knew that Asian parents will practically never go to counseling.
except my doctor's asian LOL XD
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You ever try talking to your dad about his behavior and that this is the United fucking States of America and not China? Also your sister is 10, she's too young to know whats right or wrong. If shes getting physically abused and your father is making her think its "Okay", shes going to think its Okay. Who knows whats going to happen when she grows up.
In my opinion, although im no expert, is to sprout out the courage to tell your father, in a respective manner, of what you think about him controlling the family as he is. And judging by his answer, take the proper course of action. If you just sit by and watch, your no better then him.
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Do something about this.... this isn't normal.
Honestly don't dismiss what people are saying.
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On July 13 2010 11:18 Tenryu wrote:
You ever try talking to your dad about his behavior and that this is the United fucking States of America and not China? Also your sister is 10, she's too young to know whats right or wrong. If shes getting physically abused and your father is making her think its "Okay", shes going to think its Okay. Who knows whats going to happen when she grows up.
In my opinion, although im no expert, is to sprout out the courage to tell your father, in a respective manner, of what you think about him controlling the family as he is. And judging by his answer, take the proper course of action. If you just sit by and watch, your no better then him.
His dad probably doesn't give a fuck. As long as he's at home, it's his household and he's gonna do whatever the fuck he wants to do.
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Yes go to counseling at the very least. Do something as opposed to nothing. Decide what you think is best for you and your sister. There's really no advice that can replace your own judgment.
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On July 13 2010 11:08 Cloud wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:02 Masamune wrote:On July 13 2010 10:53 YPang wrote:
I personally don't believe my dad is under MAJOR stress at work, i believe he is having some. But from what he tells us at the dinner table he keeps bragging about how stable his company is, and how much his boss loves him.
I don't feel a connection with my dad because he never tells me about the mistakes he's made, he just keeps bragging about how good he is, and how much i should trust him and ask him. But the more he does it, the more i feel apart from him. I've never asked him for help, and when he tries to help me, he always puts me down in one way or the other.
Unlike my mom, she shares her mistakes and her views on life, which is what really makes me connected to her.
I personally think he rages at me is because im not one of the top academically successful students, I held a 3.6 GPA in high school way below what an asian parents expect. It just that he can't brag about my grades to other asian parents like all his friends do about their childs. That's what i think the anger is coming from.
Also academically speaking, my sister does worse than me. I tend to notice that the people who brag a lot about things are also the ones that are really insecure. It's also funny how you can spot the Asian posters in this thread based on their advice. Actually, people from highly patriarchal, male chauvinistic societies in general. As opposed to the white bois in families where their parents feel so tragically guilty about not spending a fraction of time with their sons and let them do whatever they want and in turn turn them into spoiled pieces of crap?
wth does this even mean?
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On July 13 2010 11:20 Roffles wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:18 Tenryu wrote:
You ever try talking to your dad about his behavior and that this is the United fucking States of America and not China? Also your sister is 10, she's too young to know whats right or wrong. If shes getting physically abused and your father is making her think its "Okay", shes going to think its Okay. Who knows whats going to happen when she grows up.
In my opinion, although im no expert, is to sprout out the courage to tell your father, in a respective manner, of what you think about him controlling the family as he is. And judging by his answer, take the proper course of action. If you just sit by and watch, your no better then him. His dad probably doesn't give a fuck. As long as he's at home, it's his household and he's gonna do whatever the fuck he wants to do.
^this
Some Asians are amazingly self-righteous.
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United States10774 Posts
I can't really offer any advice as I have never had any experience like this but hope everything gets better eventually, man. I can't imagine going through situations like this. From what I've read, aside your dad being an obvious problem, I am very frustrated with your mom. My mom would NEVER allow things like this to happen to me or my sister, although I'm blessed with a loving dad. It baffles me that she thinks verbal and physical abuses are okay. Also, I am surprised a lot of people generalize that this is pretty close to normal for Asian families. No way.
Good luck Yang, hang in there. Do what feels right after weighing everything out,
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Yeah I think the bottom line (from pretty much everyone in this thread, even if there were different opinions as to the specifics) is that whatever you do, you have to do something. Talk to your dad if you still think the situation can be saved. If not, take whatever action you think most appropriate.
Just don't flee to college and leave your sister (and your mother) in this mess.
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On July 13 2010 11:18 Tenryu wrote:
You ever try talking to your dad about his behavior and that this is the United fucking States of America and not China? Also your sister is 10, she's too young to know whats right or wrong. If shes getting physically abused and your father is making her think its "Okay", shes going to think its Okay. Who knows whats going to happen when she grows up.
In my opinion, although im no expert, is to sprout out the courage to tell your father, in a respective manner, of what you think about him controlling the family as he is. And judging by his answer, take the proper course of action. If you just sit by and watch, your no better then him.
I think i will have to do it sometime, i feel like i should do something and not just sit and watch like i have been doing for 19 years.
It's really hard for me to stay respectful, as soon as he starts talking shit to me, i respond back with similar tone, i do'nt cuss at him nor anything, but i do make sarcastic remarks at his nonsense. Occasionally i do scream at him though.
However, i don't feel that he takes what i say to him to his heart. He just brushes it off his shoulders like what i say doesn't even matter.
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On July 13 2010 10:47 Saturnize wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 10:32 johnlee wrote:On July 13 2010 10:26 zulu_nation8 wrote:On July 13 2010 10:19 johnlee wrote:On July 13 2010 08:48 zulu_nation8 wrote:
If you're not exaggerating then please at least contact the counselors at your school. WTF LOL. I fucking hate suggestions like these; please make yourself sound more oblivious and ignorant to the person's situation. Do you really fucking think those counselors will do SHIT? Not trying to attack you and be bm, but there are so many reasons why you can't just "tell on the counselors" regarding family issues. ------------- To the poster: Damn... I understand completely what you're talking about. My dad goes into unreasonable rage modes every once in a while that just breaks the whole family apart. I won't QQ about my dad since it won't do any good but I hope that you'll be able to keep a clean conscience and a good heart even when he rages again. Some words of advice? Idk. I'm still a noob at this too hahaha: 1. Know that he is being unreasonable, BUT understand that he must be stressed because of ____ or ____. 2. HATE him for his stupid actions, but love and forgive him because he's your father. 3. Whenever it's your sister or mother who is afflicted by your father's rages, remember to always stay by their sides and comfort them. They need you. 4. Whenever you're afflicted, don't do anything reckless. Just swallow the anger or take it out on an inanimate object -- you're a better person. (Unless the dad does COMPLETELY unreasonable, like idk actually physically HURTING your mom or sister brutally, then which I don't think I could even hold myself back from attacking him.) And that's it I think. I don't know if this'll help much, but I really have been (and still continue to be) in your situation before so... stay strong  Gooooood luck. Counselors provide an ear and a different perspective, i don't know what the fuck your problem is. My problem is that I experience things that YPang experiences, while you clearly don't if you write a one sentence reply suggesting counselors. Counselors won't do shit. Period. We don't need their fucking ears or different perspectives for $$$. End of story. Like I said, I wasn't trying to be BM, sorry if I offended you. How are counselors a bad thing? It's not like you're forced to go talk to one! Jesus. Some people would rather talk with a "random person" about their emotions rather than someone they know. EDIT: Not directed at the OP.
Counselors can be a bad thing if they don't listen to your advice and go call child services. Then child services comes, they talk to YPang's dad, they go away with a slap on the hand, without finding or searching for physical abuse, and then your dad is free to seek vengeance.
My childhood sucked too. I don't think I can mention all of it in one blog.
I got beaten a lot as a kid too. However unlike you, both my parents were assholes. Everyday I got beaten up at school as a kindergardener against these two racist kids. I didn't speak any English. When I told my parents they told me to fight back.
I got a 790/800 on the SAT chemistry. My mom yelled at me for it and said I should've just tried harder for that little more. She yelled at me for an entire car ride. I actually hated myself for not getting the 800 until I did in a later test. Wasn't any better.
We're financially stable now. My dad doesn't take his anger out on me now ever since one day last year when I slammed my upstairs bedroom door ( I wasn't angry I just closed it quickly). He hit me a few times, then I punched him in the chest, then I stopped and he did a roundhouse kick. Didn't hurt physically. I think he's less stressed since he has a good job now.
Complained about him hitting my brother and caught him a couple times, he doesn't do this anymore. He seems to understand that it was stupid. Honestly I don't hate him anymore. He gets on my nerves a lot, but not as much.
Mom still pinches my brother and beats him if the weather is too hot. Bitch. He always has marks on his body. The emotional abuse however is far worse. How often do you think of suicide YPang?
Things should be better for your little sister than they were for you. She has a big brother for support.
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On July 13 2010 11:24 Hidden_MotiveS wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 10:47 Saturnize wrote:On July 13 2010 10:32 johnlee wrote:On July 13 2010 10:26 zulu_nation8 wrote:On July 13 2010 10:19 johnlee wrote:On July 13 2010 08:48 zulu_nation8 wrote:
If you're not exaggerating then please at least contact the counselors at your school. WTF LOL. I fucking hate suggestions like these; please make yourself sound more oblivious and ignorant to the person's situation. Do you really fucking think those counselors will do SHIT? Not trying to attack you and be bm, but there are so many reasons why you can't just "tell on the counselors" regarding family issues. ------------- To the poster: Damn... I understand completely what you're talking about. My dad goes into unreasonable rage modes every once in a while that just breaks the whole family apart. I won't QQ about my dad since it won't do any good but I hope that you'll be able to keep a clean conscience and a good heart even when he rages again. Some words of advice? Idk. I'm still a noob at this too hahaha: 1. Know that he is being unreasonable, BUT understand that he must be stressed because of ____ or ____. 2. HATE him for his stupid actions, but love and forgive him because he's your father. 3. Whenever it's your sister or mother who is afflicted by your father's rages, remember to always stay by their sides and comfort them. They need you. 4. Whenever you're afflicted, don't do anything reckless. Just swallow the anger or take it out on an inanimate object -- you're a better person. (Unless the dad does COMPLETELY unreasonable, like idk actually physically HURTING your mom or sister brutally, then which I don't think I could even hold myself back from attacking him.) And that's it I think. I don't know if this'll help much, but I really have been (and still continue to be) in your situation before so... stay strong Gooooood luck. Counselors provide an ear and a different perspective, i don't know what the fuck your problem is. My problem is that I experience things that YPang experiences, while you clearly don't if you write a one sentence reply suggesting counselors. Counselors won't do shit. Period. We don't need their fucking ears or different perspectives for $$$. End of story. Like I said, I wasn't trying to be BM, sorry if I offended you. How are counselors a bad thing? It's not like you're forced to go talk to one! Jesus. Some people would rather talk with a "random person" about their emotions rather than someone they know. EDIT: Not directed at the OP. Counselors can be a bad thing if they don't listen to your advice and go call child services. Then child services comes, they talk to YPang's dad, they go away with a slap on the hand, without finding or searching for physical abuse, and then your dad is free to seek vengeance. My childhood sucked too. I don't think I can mention all of it in one blog.
Yeah that's the main issue with the school counselors that could be a problem.
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On July 13 2010 11:23 YPang wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:18 Tenryu wrote:
You ever try talking to your dad about his behavior and that this is the United fucking States of America and not China? Also your sister is 10, she's too young to know whats right or wrong. If shes getting physically abused and your father is making her think its "Okay", shes going to think its Okay. Who knows whats going to happen when she grows up.
In my opinion, although im no expert, is to sprout out the courage to tell your father, in a respective manner, of what you think about him controlling the family as he is. And judging by his answer, take the proper course of action. If you just sit by and watch, your no better then him. I think i will have to do it sometime, i feel like i should do something and not just sit and watch like i have been doing for 19 years. It's really hard for me to stay respectful, as soon as he starts talking shit to me, i respond back with similar tone, i do'nt cuss at him nor anything, but i do make sarcastic remarks at his nonsense. Occasionally i do scream at him though. However, i don't feel that he takes what i say to him to his heart. He just brushes it off his shoulders like what i say doesn't even matter.
You disrespect him when he talks shit and expect him to take your criticisms to heart?
Just take his shit and ignore it, don't try to backtalk him -_-
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On July 13 2010 08:45 YPang wrote:Show nested quote +Thats terrible for your sister though, are your parent contemplating divorce or anything? they did a lot of years ago, not anymore. The way my dad verbally assaults my mom is a normal thing now, so she doesn't feel anything is wrong with it... Plus my mom depends on him for money.
Source of the problem found.
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Generally i feel like, i'm going to be the one that consoles my sister if she ever needs help. I got through this bullshit, and my mom seems to think w/e she's doing is fine so ill prolly leave it at that. But i feel the need to tell my sister about her options as she gets older and understands more.
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On July 13 2010 11:26 FragKrag wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:23 YPang wrote:On July 13 2010 11:18 Tenryu wrote:
You ever try talking to your dad about his behavior and that this is the United fucking States of America and not China? Also your sister is 10, she's too young to know whats right or wrong. If shes getting physically abused and your father is making her think its "Okay", shes going to think its Okay. Who knows whats going to happen when she grows up.
In my opinion, although im no expert, is to sprout out the courage to tell your father, in a respective manner, of what you think about him controlling the family as he is. And judging by his answer, take the proper course of action. If you just sit by and watch, your no better then him. I think i will have to do it sometime, i feel like i should do something and not just sit and watch like i have been doing for 19 years. It's really hard for me to stay respectful, as soon as he starts talking shit to me, i respond back with similar tone, i do'nt cuss at him nor anything, but i do make sarcastic remarks at his nonsense. Occasionally i do scream at him though. However, i don't feel that he takes what i say to him to his heart. He just brushes it off his shoulders like what i say doesn't even matter. You disrespect him when he talks shit and expect him to take your criticisms to heart? Just take his shit and ignore it, don't try to backtalk him -_-
Dude you don't understand, i've been the voiceless boy for 17 years, before i decided to call him out on his shit. Thats when he stopped beating me physically cuz i told him i'll strike back.
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On July 13 2010 11:29 YPang wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:26 FragKrag wrote:On July 13 2010 11:23 YPang wrote:On July 13 2010 11:18 Tenryu wrote:
You ever try talking to your dad about his behavior and that this is the United fucking States of America and not China? Also your sister is 10, she's too young to know whats right or wrong. If shes getting physically abused and your father is making her think its "Okay", shes going to think its Okay. Who knows whats going to happen when she grows up.
In my opinion, although im no expert, is to sprout out the courage to tell your father, in a respective manner, of what you think about him controlling the family as he is. And judging by his answer, take the proper course of action. If you just sit by and watch, your no better then him. I think i will have to do it sometime, i feel like i should do something and not just sit and watch like i have been doing for 19 years. It's really hard for me to stay respectful, as soon as he starts talking shit to me, i respond back with similar tone, i do'nt cuss at him nor anything, but i do make sarcastic remarks at his nonsense. Occasionally i do scream at him though. However, i don't feel that he takes what i say to him to his heart. He just brushes it off his shoulders like what i say doesn't even matter. You disrespect him when he talks shit and expect him to take your criticisms to heart? Just take his shit and ignore it, don't try to backtalk him -_- Dude you don't understand, i've been the voiceless boy for 17 years, before i decided to call him out on his shit. Thats when he stopped beating me physically cuz i told him i'll strike back.
If you truly think he stopped hitting you because you threatened to hit back, why not threaten to hit him if he touches your sister?
It's not that simple -_-
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No offense, but your dad is a dick.
You should cut it off for him. :D
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On July 13 2010 11:27 YPang wrote:
Generally i feel like, i'm going to be the one that consoles my sister if she ever needs help. I got through this bullshit, and my mom seems to think w/e she's doing is fine so ill prolly leave it at that. But i feel the need to tell my sister about her options as she gets older and understands more.
except you won't be around...
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EPT
