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On July 13 2010 11:30 FragKrag wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:29 YPang wrote:On July 13 2010 11:26 FragKrag wrote:On July 13 2010 11:23 YPang wrote:On July 13 2010 11:18 Tenryu wrote:
You ever try talking to your dad about his behavior and that this is the United fucking States of America and not China? Also your sister is 10, she's too young to know whats right or wrong. If shes getting physically abused and your father is making her think its "Okay", shes going to think its Okay. Who knows whats going to happen when she grows up.
In my opinion, although im no expert, is to sprout out the courage to tell your father, in a respective manner, of what you think about him controlling the family as he is. And judging by his answer, take the proper course of action. If you just sit by and watch, your no better then him. I think i will have to do it sometime, i feel like i should do something and not just sit and watch like i have been doing for 19 years. It's really hard for me to stay respectful, as soon as he starts talking shit to me, i respond back with similar tone, i do'nt cuss at him nor anything, but i do make sarcastic remarks at his nonsense. Occasionally i do scream at him though. However, i don't feel that he takes what i say to him to his heart. He just brushes it off his shoulders like what i say doesn't even matter. You disrespect him when he talks shit and expect him to take your criticisms to heart? Just take his shit and ignore it, don't try to backtalk him -_- Dude you don't understand, i've been the voiceless boy for 17 years, before i decided to call him out on his shit. Thats when he stopped beating me physically cuz i told him i'll strike back. If you truly think he stopped hitting you because you threatened to hit back, why not threaten to hit him if he touches your sister? It's not that simple -_-
I think i've been a pussy, that time when i blew out it was just a lot of hormones going out. At the time when my sister was beat, i just felt scared, and didn't have the rage coming out.
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Wow I kinda feel the same way you do.. everytime i'm back from college its hell again. My dad rages too sometimes but he doesn't call people dumb (usually not) he just acts like a fucking baby. Sometimes my mom and him would get into a heated argument and he would not talk to the entire family for 2 weeks (most was 3 weeks were he left to go live with his brother kinda sad I know) he wouldn't eat dinner with the family and go straight to his office. One fucking time it was ridiculous it was my first time driving and i acidently bumped our basketball hoop out in the driveway it left a dent not very noticeable. One day after going home from a store he spots the tiny little dent and starts fucking raging about how we shouldn't drive. (TBH hes not such a fucking great driver himself he averages at least 1 car accident a year) anyways once during the winter he was too fucking lazy to move the car in order to take out the snow blower in the garage he decides to force its way out. we kept telling him it wouldn't fit but hes a stubborn ignorant little bitch sometimes so he forces his way out and cracks the rear bumper. Way to fucking go dumass... course he doesn't say anything and pretends it didn't happen and we dont' say anything cuz then hes gonna yell like a little bitch about it. Shit like this happens everyday at my house...
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An important thing to ask your dad is if hes sorry. Then you can decide whether to report him or not. In fact, to get an honest answer, you should threaten to report.
Honestly, hitting a 10 year old girl and locking her in a basement is NEVER right, no matter what culture your from. Ask her, and do what's the right thing for her.
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damn dude, you're pretty popular
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On July 13 2010 11:27 YPang wrote:
Generally i feel like, i'm going to be the one that consoles my sister if she ever needs help. I got through this bullshit, and my mom seems to think w/e she's doing is fine so ill prolly leave it at that. But i feel the need to tell my sister about her options as she gets older and understands more.
Everyone is different, it seems like you came out of this abusive house pretty normal but who's to say what could happen to your sister? Women especially have a problem with abusive fathers, there's a chance she will have problems with male relationships when she gets older. I think you need to do something for the good of your mom and sister, stand up for them if he beats them or treats them badly since they don't seem to be doing it for themselves.
Other than that things like professional help are more up to your discretion because you know your family better than anyone, no matter how well you explain it on the internet. Imo discussion is almost always a good thing when it comes to stuff like this.
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Yeah, I think my parents are both douschebags. The only person I like in my family is my little sister, she's ten like yours. My Dad used to hit us too, but he doesn't do it anymore. He just gets mad for no fuckin reasons. One time we were on vacation to Florida, and I take a shower for too long and he gets soooo pissed and starts banging on the car's steering wheels and shit. My mom's not good either, they're in it together. My mom used to hit me too, but not anymore, she says shit that really hurts you know. They always put me down.
You're lucky though, cuz you're in college, and you can move and never ever have to see your dad again. I feel so sorry for your sister though. Anyone that does that to girl her age is a fuckin maniac. I remember one day and my sister was watching a movie, my dad comes to watch it with her, but my sister says she prefers to watch it alone. My dad gets so pissed off and starts hitting and slapping my sister, my mom had to come and hold my dad back. I couldn't help because I was so young back then, I felt so sorry to my sister cuz I couldn't do anything. I'm in high school right now, I can't wait to get to college and get on with my life. Another thing is that my parents are so fucking poor. My dad's been trying to get his phd for 9 years now. Through all that, we've lived in and still live in a college apartment, don't get fuckin cable, have slowass internet, I can't even play SC2 cuz of the computer. I'm not trying to be spoiled, but I really don't get any of the thing I want as a child. When I do get stuff, it's cuz the other Korean kids got them and my parents don't want themselves to look bad in front of others.
And like I said, we live in a tiny apartment and I really would like privacy, but my parents don't let me lock the door anymore, and don't let me do anything. It feels like I'm living in a prison.
I think that we both should know that we can't turn out like our parents did. I swore to myself that I would not get my kids to hate me. If they did, I said I deserved to rot in hell. That's what I think we need to get from this. We should not make the same mistakes they did. And I swore to myself that I would not see my parents or ever call them when I grow up to show how badly they messed up. I have contemplated suicide many times and even choked myself with a jump rope one time. You should never see your dad ever again. I will meet my sister and check up on her, but I will never unless I have to see my parents when I grow up.
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So many stories about bad Asian dads on TL.net. Just letting some of you know that NOT all Asian dads are like that, mine is cool/chill as fuck.
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Ooh, I have a ten year old sibling and I'm going into sophomore year too. hey YPang check my earlier post again.
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I think that we both should know that we can't turn out like our parents did. I swore to myself that I would not get my kids to hate me. If they did, I said I deserved to rot in hell. That's what I think we need to get from this. We should not make the same mistakes they did. And I swore to myself that I would not see my parents or ever call them when I grow up to show how badly they messed up. I have contemplated suicide many times and even choked myself with a jump rope one time. You should never see your dad ever again. I will meet my sister and check up on her, but I will never unless I have to see my parents when I grow up.
wow man, this is actually exactly how i feel. Except i never attempted suicide, thought about it though. I have also set a promise to myself to never turn out like my dad, and i would keep telling myself if i ever became abusive to my children, or a wife beater i might just as well call the cops and get myself into jail.
I can't play sc2 either my pc sux too much  . But ya i totally feel you man. I think i have it a little better than you do. My dad doesn't go berzerk when we tell him we don't wanna watch a movie with him T.T
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I'm sorry about your situation. It can be really tough and a father acting like that is not excusable. That said, in times like this you have to man up and be as mature as you can even if your father is not. It's really hard, but respond to moments of irrational anger with coolness. But please watch out for the sister, at only 10 years old things have a really big impact, if he crosses the line with her you have to do something.
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Hey YPang, I really wonder: Why does your sister think it's okay what her father does to her?
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Mom still pinches my brother and beats him if the weather is too hot. Bitch. He always has marks on his body. The emotional abuse however is far worse. How often do you think of suicide YPang?
Things should be better for your little sister than they were for you. She has a big brother for support.
ya the emotiona abuse is far worse, i feel lucky because personally i don't think i've suffered that much emotionally. I just get scared when i was in high school when a bad report card came. It felt like i was standing in the middle of a war field and didn't know if i was gonna get out of it alive. As soon as i heard the garage open of my dad coming back to see my shitty report card, my body shivered like crazy.
And i used to think about what it'd be like if i was dead when i was a freshman-junior, especially with all the ACT/SAT stuff that was piled on my back. My parents got my ACT/SAT books literally from friends, bookstores that stacked up about 4 feet tall. I only did about 3 practice tests and my results were FAR worse than i expected. I got a 27 on ACT, thats pretty bad for an asian.
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Well I think you could have a chat.. a manly chat with your father. Now I know that may sound dumb, and you might be thinking "Asian parents... talking... LOL!"
I can't really explain... but it doesnt have to be a cheesy intervention/teenage drama BS kind of talk. Whatever you feel is best to communicate to the man. Let him know its serious and important.
Dont have to be disrespectful, and definitely dont get sucked into trading rage lowblows or sidetracked by non issues. You will probably get more insults and shit yelled at you, brush them off and make your point.
If he's just a really stressed out dude, I think he should still be able to see reason, and probably cares about his family. And doesnt want to harm them(esp the 10 yr old). Sometimes people just get tunnel vision and go blind to other people around them. It happens to everyone, (not just 'dem Asians' ... but thats a topic for another day. :D )
That said, If you feel he's too crazy to even make a simple point to without increasing violence or potential to get benoited, then thats extremely bad.Then I guess something like CPS or police is justified.. But from reading this, i suspect its the former case.
gl, Kind of odd thing to say, but please try not to get too depressed about this Do the best you can with the variables which you can control.
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On July 13 2010 11:43 Pandain wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2010 11:40 Hidden_MotiveS wrote:
Ooh, I have a ten year old sibling and I'm going into sophomore year too. hey YPang check my earlier post again. *cries* You're such a great contributer. It's people like you that make this site great! Hey YPang, I really wonder: Why does your sister think it's okay what her father does to her?
You know, i'm not sure i've never asked her that. She seems like a cheerful person always bothering me with annoying questions and asking what im up to. I'd often tell her to shut up and go away cuz she's so up beat. lol
I think perhaps when she goes to middle school/high school she'll start to feel different as she start to share her family habits with other kids. Plus hormone may also play a bigger part.
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I'm sorry about your situation, and hopefully your family can resolve it peacefully before it gets worse. But have you tried seeking outside help (church groups or any other social organizations)? If your sister has any close friends, I would highly recommend getting your sister away from the house more often and maybe talk to their families about the situation? I would imagine they would be sympathetic enough to at least offer some kind of help, if not to just to make your sister get away from the hell that is your family currently.
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Perhaps he doesn't trust your mom/sister that they trust his judgment/control. It's unfortunate that he's disproved himself even more. It's difficult to be diplomatic when everyone is so angry with each other and stubborn in forgiveness. My advice to you is fill in the gaps as far as putting your foot down as to inappropriate behavior. Respect your father where he wishes/deserves to be respected and demand explanations (but remember it's difficult to explain yourself / give reasons when you feel those reasons (imo unmet demands) expose vulnerability).
My bottom line though FEAR within the family is not allowed!
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At this point it doesn't seem like you can do anything about your mom unless she herself composes enough courage to stand up and leave. I know a lot of men like your dad and they are beyond salvation (your mom and similar women likewise). You just can't help people with their problems fully unless they want the situation to change. It sucks but it's what I've seen and learned from the people around me. Focus on yourself and your sister and try your best so that the generation that comes after you have a better environment.
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On July 13 2010 11:57 koreasilver wrote:
At this point it doesn't seem like you can do anything about your mom unless she herself composes enough courage to stand up and leave. I know a lot of men like your dad and they are beyond salvation (your mom and similar women likewise). You just can't help people with their problems fully unless they want the situation to change. It sucks but it's what I've seen and learned from the people around me. Focus on yourself and your sister and try your best so that the generation that comes after you have a better environment.
I agree, i think that my mom think she's fortunate to be married to my dad, because my mom didn't do good in school @ china, barely passed through high school. But she considers herself lucky because she married a man with wits and smart, and she managed to come out of her country. A goal that many chinese women want and envy.
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On July 13 2010 11:40 YPang wrote:Show nested quote +I think that we both should know that we can't turn out like our parents did. I swore to myself that I would not get my kids to hate me. If they did, I said I deserved to rot in hell. That's what I think we need to get from this. We should not make the same mistakes they did. And I swore to myself that I would not see my parents or ever call them when I grow up to show how badly they messed up. I have contemplated suicide many times and even choked myself with a jump rope one time. You should never see your dad ever again. I will meet my sister and check up on her, but I will never unless I have to see my parents when I grow up. wow man, this is actually exactly how i feel. Except i never attempted suicide, thought about it though. I have also set a promise to myself to never turn out like my dad, and i would keep telling myself if i ever became abusive to my children, or a wife beater i might just as well call the cops and get myself into jail. I can't play sc2 either my pc sux too much . But ya i totally feel you man. I think i have it a little better than you do. My dad doesn't go berzerk when we tell him we don't wanna watch a movie with him T.T
Through my observations, it's the subtle/unnoticeable cues that people end up copying from their parents .... often with the same result. It's very difficult to escape, since your idea of normal behavior is always going to be based off them. Things like how do you deal with problems/anger, when it's appropriate to lash out, and especially how much respect you think "lesser" people should treat you with.
Just saying I'm not going to hit/yell at my kids isn't enough.
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EPT
