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Girls, love and friendship - Page 4
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alffla
Hong Kong20321 Posts
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fredd
Estonia256 Posts
just fucking wow, i almost punched my fucking monitor reading the OP | ||
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haduken
Australia8267 Posts
She friend zoned you. Admit defeat and move the fuck on. I mean, persistence is one thing, but 5 fucking years is just retarded. Look, you can't be all emo and shit and still get some. MOVE THE FUCK ON, start a new life, make something of yourself and grow the fuck up and when you've done that, go back to her, I will guarantee you both of you will now appreciate this period better. Bitches come and go, great friend last a life time. | ||
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baller
527 Posts
believe in urself if u wait long enough and do everything she wants, she'll eventually see u for a great person and nice guy and u guys will be together 4ever its meant to be keep the faith | ||
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Lightwip
United States5497 Posts
On September 11 2010 20:27 baller wrote: dont listen to all the haters man believe in urself if u wait long enough and do everything she wants, she'll eventually see u for a great person and nice guy and u guys will be together 4ever its meant to be keep the faith Good one, you actually made me laugh. He's right though. | ||
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chaoser
United States5541 Posts
On September 11 2010 16:09 Dr3w wrote: Dude. She put you in the friend zone the moment she met you. Once you enter the friend zone, it's rare to get out. Move on, be strong, and get that p00n you crave from some other girl. P.S. Even though I say it's rare to get out of the friend zone, I believe best friends who can share everything with each other, make the most successful couples. Communication and dedication is key. Seriously. If you ever have to think twice about something, talk to your significant other about it. The whole friendzone thing is a myth. You can get into the friendzone as well as get out. Obviously it's a little harder to get out but it's not like women make one judgement on you as a potential mate and keep that judgement forever. If you were some wimpy shit in the road and then suddenly you gained more self-confidence, started doing shit with your life, make mad dough, and in general show her a different side of you that she didn't know, then she's going to change her mind. Obviously that's an exaggerated example but I've been in the "friend zone" and gotten out of it multiple times. Of course first impressions are important but so are second and third ones. It's all about showing a side of you that she didn't see on the first impression that impresses her or changes her mind. I find that relationships work way better if, after you've been decent friends for a bit, this change happens. Most, if not all of my relationships have started as friendships and then we became lovers. That being said, this process cannot happen for you, NickC, if you continue to stay the course. Of course this girl cares for you, of course you're friends, but in some senses, she's using you. Not the, "lawl, I'm such a evil bitch, i'mma use you," type but the "oh, I know the best thing is for us to spend some time away from each other but he's such a good friend to me and I don't want to have to lose that so I won't give him the freedom he needs even though he doesn't think he does" A good friend would have pushed you away until you could clear your head and maybe come back, not keep you stuck in the friendship. A lot of people say that it's 100% hopeless and that's 100% never true. Unless you like kill her parents or something...Just take some time for YOURSELF instead of her. Try to spend a few months away from her and hang out with other people more and maybe pick up a new hobby. Your life should be about YOURSELF, if you start to like yourself more (which doesn't seem to be the case cause you're 100% in control of how you act in this relationship and you still keep at it), others (including her) might too. That being said, don't make this out to be 100% her fault and that she's selfish and whatnot. You're just as selfish in constantly telling her you love her and making her feel like shit too. Obviously it's hard to see what she's thinking but she's your close friend, she probably feels shitty when you feel shitty, especially if it's caused by her. Even when she brings guys over and asks you to hang out "like a good friend", well no shit, she's not trying to deliberately make you feel bad, how is she to know that you still pine for her? To her, the issue was done with the last time you talked and the status quo isn't that you still love her but that it's worked out and you're just friends. I'm pretty sure I have more to say but I'm hungry so in closing, good luck with this whole situation, I, and I'm sure others, have been in something similar, and try to focus your life more on YOU and less on others. Do things cause YOU want to do them not cause it'll make other people happy and like you. Once you start liking YOURSELF and do things that YOU want to do to make YOU happy, others will like you back. | ||
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Cedstick
Canada3336 Posts
If there is any potential there, you'll find out when you let her go, move on to other girls and she comes running back to you. If not, who cares? You're fucking other girls. | ||
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geometryb
United States1249 Posts
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Drowsy
United States4876 Posts
On September 11 2010 14:29 travis wrote: Find some other stuff to think about and get over this girl. She clearly isn't that great so stop putting her on a pedestal. She is just fitting into a puzzle piece that you're missing, there are plenty of other girls who could do it as well. And besides girls there are other ways to fill the puzzle piece, too. Hell, you can reshape the puzzle if you want. Does anyone even know what I am talking about anymore? I totally agree. I think OP just has an empty life and is trying to have this girl to fill it for him rather than actually doing something productive. | ||
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HuK
Canada1591 Posts
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Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
if you keep doing more of what you did before, you will keep on getting the same result. | ||
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Fritts
Canada63 Posts
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NeVeR
1352 Posts
On September 11 2010 12:23 sob3k wrote: what a huge waste of time lol this. I've seen too many blogs like this on TL, wtf. If you can't hit it then quit it, asap. Why are you bothering to be friends with a girl who is just going to suck the life out of you, along with all your time and energy which could be spent on useful things, such as getting with girls who are actually interested in you. Take a step back and try looking at your situation from an objective viewpoint. Hopefully you will see how absurd this is, and will gtfo asap. Always remember that women are just women. Take away all that is sexually alluring and charming about them, and they will seem utterly boring and pathetic. Ever been good friends with a girl who you thought was ugly because you liked her personality? ..Didn't think so. There is nothing special about this girl of yours. Once you realize that, you will start laughing at how silly this all is. | ||
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Xyik
Canada728 Posts
Honestly if she were a real friend, she would have helped you out in your time of need. Hell, she'd tell your right here and now, 'it's never going to happen, if you break down like this again we should just stop talking to each other'. She would realize how painful it is for you. But hey, who am I to judge. All humans are inherently selfish and oblivious to others around them. Just stop. It's clear that you cannot get over this girl. Your life will be much better without her. | ||
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Sabu113
United States11035 Posts
Been in a similar situation. Cutting clean for awhile helped a great deal to get perspective. It's an option you should strongly consider. | ||
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Blackhawk13
United States442 Posts
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SilverFox
4 Posts
Anyways, on with the story. I remember being where you are quite well, as it's only been within the past year that I escaped it. She's a good person, as I'm sure your friend is too, fundamentally. This being said, its apparent that your friend has in common what Katie (my friend) did: She's completely nuts. I don't mean this in the stab-you-in-the-face way, but more in the stabby-rip-stab-stab way (that is to say, she's REALLY over emotional). Katie always did similar things; she loaded her emotions on me, whined about how lonely she was, complained to me and went to me to prevent one of her more terrible boyfriends from continually bothering her. To evince how thick she is, it took until this guy tried to *rape* her (thank god she was able to get away) to figure out just how bad he was and have me (and the subsequent authorities) intervene and keep her safe. The amusing part about all of this is, after I helped her out, she "fell for me" (the quotes will become self apparent). We ended up dating for almost three years. The first year was very nice, with us both giving and taking in equal amounts, working at the relationship, and just generally the only thing being different with the hanging out being sexual contact. In short, it was awesome. But, as time progressed, it became increasingly apparent to me (much more so in hindsight, you'll find) that I was being used. Maybe not consciously, maybe so, but that doesn't change the ultimate fact that I was. A trend began where things needed to be done for her, and couldn't be done in reciprocate for me. For a long time, I did my best to ignore this fact- after all, I knew how bad her life was, especially how bad her previous boyfriend was, and I was determined not to be an all controlling prick. Instead, I became the doormat, the polar opposite. As any scientist could tell you, extremes tend to be very, very bad things, and this is absolutely no exception to that rule. Long gone were the days where things were mutually decided or deliberated upon. All that needed to happen was her flash a puppy dog face and show me how "depressed" she was, and I'd go out of my way to cater to her whims. The worst part is, this continued for the majority of our relationship. I eventually (after many arguments, tears, blow ups, and blow outs that needn't be discussed in detail) was dumped by her, however, this was under the pretense of "I want to go back to how things used to be as friends!" Which, you know, seemed reasonable, considering how crappy things had become. The amusing part of this all, to me at least, was that the ultimate dynamic of our interaction remained the same. This lasted another month after our breakup, culminating in both myself and mother being hospitalized and her going to a bloody fucking concert instead of visiting us before I said enough was enough. I told her in no uncertain terms that she was a terrible friend, who essentially only thought about what she needed, she wanted, and If I had to be damned for her to have that, then so be it! It was clear that what she desired out of me was not who I was, but who I could become for her when she needed it. To use a cute analogy, she loved Spider-Man, the hero I could become when her parents made her feel like shit or when a boy was giving her hell, but not Peter Parker, the geek who just wanted someones hand to hold and laugh with, the real me. Now, friend, please tell me the similarities here are obvious? I can't say for sure whether your "friend" sticks by you for your heroic (if completely silly) insistence of being self-sacrificing, but everything you described certainly alludes to that being the reality of the situation. I understand how much you care, and how badly you want this to work, but it never will, not in a million years. Its not who your friend is. Ultimately, how shes treated you as a friend is the best indicator of how a relationship between you two would be- That is, abusive, one-sided, and borderline cruel to you. A good girlfriend, a good wife, and just a good friend/companion in general all have the same basic traits in common: Loyalty, devotion, communication between the two, and just plain out consideration (they're more, of course, but I feel like they umbrella out of these general four). Someone whose yet to devote ANY of these things throughout your entire friendship is severely unlikely to demonstrate these qualities in a relationship. Even if they do, well, my story is a grand form of proof that this will not last. People, as a general, 99% always true rule, do not change. This is a fact of life, one that sucks to grasps, but pretending its not true is about as foolish as saying the sky is purple with pink polka dots. You can say it all you want, but it wont ever be true, not now and not ever. I sincerely urge you to get out, and get out now. There is nothing that can come from this but more pain and more heartache for you. I realize that she uses you as a crutch, but she won't kill herself over it, and if she does it would've happened regardless. You need to stand up for yourself and do what you must to protect yourself. You can only be self sacrificing with someone who would do the same things for you-otherwise, your self sacrifice is now merely foolishness. I really hope that I haven't been too blunt or too cruel in what I've said; I speak from my heart, and want nothing more then to help you through this point in your life. If you want to know anything else about my story to see if it could help you, or just maybe want to ask a question you wouldn't want to publicly, PM me on here and I'll gladly give you my MSN. Otherwise, again, please, run as far away from her as you possibly can. Its going to hurt, and its going to suck, but you will find your "light at the end of the tunnel" to use a cliche'. I know I did. Good luck. All the best, your friendly neighborhood SilverFox. | ||
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SC2Syndicate
United States134 Posts
You lived with this person and you never hooked up. Not even once. She does NOT want to bang you. Don't listen to these kids saying "work hard at it and it will happen". It WILL not. Not unless your jim carey talking to fucknig god himself (bruce almighty) and its just a trial. This isn't a trial of the gods. This is a girl, an organism with reactions based on past experiences. She is clearly no cinderella, she isn't smart (smart girls do not like stupid random guys in bars). Get off your fucking ass, and go volunteer somewhere with kids or animals. I did it, a girl (a few) noticed I was sweet, and they were all over me. I could've looked like you (I'm imaging not masculine. If you don't read anything else - read this : Girls don't like guys who aren't in control/pass off control. Girls don't like the guy eating out with friends asking "Whats in the light pecan strawberry salad", uh, "ill take the house salad I guess". They like the guy making conversation saying "I want the manly manburger with extra bear semen" (confidence). Theres no way to be confident in this relationship- you've already put the white flag up that your desperate for her and will always be the doormat. Your not in a relationship with this girl- you should never tell her you love her. Have you ever heard the phrase "never make yourself somebodies option". Your an option to her. An option she is not going to use because she is USING you for an emotional garbagebag. Your not garbage- nobody is(debateable Andy Dick and kuran people and jersey shore viewers). She's just a girl, not developed mentally and seemingly immature. You only get one life are you really just going to wait on a girl who has wasted so much of your life thus far? | ||
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TechniQ.UK
United Kingdom391 Posts
The more time you spend with her the more you will cleave to her in a romantic sense even if you don't want to. If you spent so much time alone with her its just logical that you get yourself into this habit of loving her so badly. So I think what you should do is: 1) Limit your time spent with her to maybe...one day a week. It seems right now you talk to her like 7 days a week. 2) Hang out with and talk to other people 3) Consider other girls around you in a romantic sense. 4) Try to be more objective with the words she says, don't take everything to mean she's trying to tell you she likes you. Girls are very very ignorant when it comes to this sort of thing. They don't really know their doing it usually. This should eventually change your view of her and help you to move on. I'm going through something similar but in a much smaller scale right now, and to be honest no matter how much you hope and desire this, it's very unlikely to change and it's radically unhealthy to keep going through this cycle of love and rejection. I'm starting to move on, and seeing her less and spending time with other girls has really helped. Realising that other girls do like me and that I could end up really liking another girl other than her. Last weekend in fact this happened. Didn't lead anywhere but it was an enlightening and enjoyable experience. Other than that I would share with you the fact that your worshipping this girl as god, and you need to realise in doing so your robbing the one true God of his due and you need to be saved. The video in my signiture will explain Christ and his offer of salvation much better than I can. | ||
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Fen
Australia1848 Posts
Now if you are not dating other girls because your mind is stuck on this one, then your life is going to suck until eventually an event removes her from your life anyway (Marriage or something). But that might not happen for a long time. You think you can just stop feeling the way you do about her? You can't. Your post clearly indicates this. This leaves you with 1 option to fix your current situation. You need to break things off with her. You think that you are in a good friendship? You are just deluded by your feelings. You are in a terrible friendship and it's only hurting you. My advice would be to ruin the relationship deliberately. Go to her house one night, dramatically rip off all your clothes in front of her and tell her that she either has sex with you then and there or you'll never speak to her again. That is a win-win scenario. You either get sex, or you follow through and don't speak to her again. EDIT: Try to think of this girl as harmful addiction. She makes you feel good, but not for the right reasons and you've become dependent on her. Time to break the addiction | ||
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