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On September 11 2010 12:58 Jibba wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2010 12:54 writer22816 wrote:
You need to get your mind off of her
Go play WoW or something Yeah, this kind of thing never happens in WoW. OP, I think you need some professional help. You should break off contact with her as she's causing your emotional problems, but you should seek real assistance.
This is the right answer. You need to stop rationalizing self-destructive behavior. Every bit of enjoyment you get from her is returned two-fold in the form of pain.
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On September 11 2010 11:46 NickC wrote:Now, during our first fight I realised this was going to be a tough, tough relationship. My emotional feelings for this girl were off the charts. The obvious choice was to break contact for good. EVERYONE DOES THIS. Everyone takes the fucking easy way out. Every failed relationship, every unrequited love. Everyone would rather save themselves then continue and pursue what could be an awesome friendship if only they had the GUTS and STRENGTH to push forward and keep trying.
Almost every guy has been or will be in this position, but you really, really need to give up on that way of thinking.
Is it easier to simply keep pursuing a girl, or to realize that it's going nowhere and cut everything off by removing her from your phone, Facebook, etc.? From personal experience, I've been there. Cutting her off was the hardest part from anything because I still had that tiny hope inside of me that things could turn around.. once I cut everything off, everything started to get better. I gave up that hope and realized that rather than sticking to the past, I could begin looking for a new opportunity.
As much as you would like to, you can't force a girl to like you. It's just not possible. Either they feel it or they don't, no matter what you tell her, you're never going to force her to like you. That's why the way you act and your first impression is actually very important.. i.e. don't be a wuss.
But like others said, the best solution would be to cut her off. And I hope I don't sound condescending or too hard on you, like I said we've all been there, it happens. You learn from your mistakes.
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On September 11 2010 12:01 SagaZ wrote:
wtf.. what is this, i don't even...
so basically, you're in love with a girl.. she say she doesn't feel the same way about you, you move together (wtf!!) keep telling her you want her, she keeps denying you as a man.
quite frankly man.. take a step back, take a long breath, look at your situation and realize how ridiculous it is. Your universe is centered around this girl and your reality is what is inside your mind, what could have been but isn't. Really, wake up, grow up and get out of your shitty condition. you don't need the gall, and she made quite clear she doesn't need you.
Also again, get out of your childish and unreal mentality, all this bullshit about "the easy way" and "not fighting enought" is just another of your twisted mind. It hasn't happenend in 2 years.. it wil NEVER happen. You've probably been told this a million of times but there are chicks 100x better than her out there.
get a hobby, get interested in something, create your own life and stop sucking on hers
This. Everything else in this thread that is not this is garbage.
There are a million fish in the sea and just because one looks nice doesn't mean she's the one. As a matter of fact she doesn't deserve you if there is such a thing. You don't want someone who doesn't want you so move on.
EDIT: Grow your balls back dude.
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I can't beleive your letting a girl do this to you....
First off you never text a girl anything dealing with emotions- anyone sees that as weak.
2nd off, your too good for this bitch, shes using you as a tool to make herself feel better about her selfish and immature lifestyle.
Your having "Nice talks". What does that even mean? When I listen to a girl for 30 minutes straight (i image you guys had those typical pussywhipped 4 hour long convos, followed by AIM talking)it is either because im forced to, or because we have a relationship that involves reciprocation.
edit: reread your post- keys like "not that her bf's are any of my business", yes- they are your business. How can you be friends with someone without discussing their life choices- you can't unless your in high school. You need to look in a mirror, say "i'm a man and i have to do things that are for me and nobody else". Shes wasting your time, and most likely your money.
Has she ever hooked you up with a friend? I don't need to know the answer because its either a 'no' or an ugly girl she wants to get off her back.
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yah man if you're gonna totally emasculate yourself for this chick u better make it worth your while, you're totally playing for late game it seems so i hope you marry her
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to tryummm (havent read other replies)
Thankyou for having a more open-eyed response to me. We've worked hard at this relationship and, now that I've written all that crap and had time to reflect, I really have come a long way.
I'm no longer super sensitive to all her little criticisms. I no longer get a erection every time I hear her laugh. This time, when I detected an emotional overload in myself, I immediately confronted her with it. I didn't let it build up and I dealt with it rationally. In the past I would have probably just gotten more and more emotional, ended by saying something like "good nite, love u x" then masturbated myself to sleep.
I know I still have a lot of things to sort out, but as you said "success is a forward journey".
The emotions are so fucking strong I often want some damn medication to take to make them go away. I need to work on getting less-easily invested in her, by redirecting my attention when I start to get sucked in. By forcing her out of my mind when I start to dwell on her - something that I started doing a while ago but never ever would have been able to achieve when I first met her, just because it was something I've never practiced before.
After this latest blunder, perhaps at least I know now one other thing that I shouldn't do - that doesn't really work. You really seem to think it is a personal problem...I always thought it was something two people could share and deal with together...but it seems like it is really down to me and my force of will alone.
Earlier tonight I wanted to tell her, when she comes online tomorrow, that I was "just warning her to steer clear of leading me on". But now I'm beginning to think that really does put the burden on her rather than myself, and it doesn't fix the problem; just avoids it.
Its so easy to say these things though. I really don't know how I'll act the next time she sends me xxxs or giggles at my joke or says she misses me. I'll get some massive influx of emotion and desire, then I guess I'll try to push it straight out of my thoughts.
A lot of people - innumerable people - can say "Be a Man and Move On!" but honestly I don't think they really know what they're talking about when it comes to personal, spiritual, mental development. You only get one life, and in such a crucial decision such as this I really want to find the right path - not just the "obvious" one.
You think its so fucking manly to delete someone from your phone and facebook? Please, give me a break.
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United States22883 Posts
On September 11 2010 13:15 Chairman Ray wrote:
It really does sound like your friend has a significant emotional dependency on you.
WHAT? LOL
I mean, it's obvious she's using him but get the dependency direction straight. He's crawling to her, not the other way around.
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On September 11 2010 13:32 NickC wrote:You think its so fucking manly to delete someone from your phone and facebook? Please, give me a break.
What's more manly, acting like a wuss and hanging on to a girl, or realizing that the situation is practically hopeless (or maybe 100% hopeless) and knowing it's time to let go and cut her off? The goal isn't to hurt her (although that could be an unintentional side effect), the goal is to save yourself and be a better person.
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oh god, you got you're natural expo denied, over and fucking over and fucking over again, and she's on 5 base and you still haven't fucking left the game?
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On September 11 2010 13:32 NickC wrote:
A lot of people - innumerable people - can say "Be a Man and Move On!" but honestly I don't think they really know what they're talking about when it comes to personal, spiritual, mental development. You only get one life, and in such a crucial decision such as this I really want to find the right path - not just the "obvious" one.
Just want to concentrate on this portion. The path is the "obvious" one is because it's what works for most people. However, anyone has a personal experience that chasing after a girl after being friend-zoned worked? Not just a rhetorical question, genuinely interested to see if it has ever worked.
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On September 11 2010 13:46 Jibba wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2010 13:15 Chairman Ray wrote:
It really does sound like your friend has a significant emotional dependency on you. WHAT? LOL I mean, it's obvious she's using him but get the dependency direction straight. He's crawling to her, not the other way around.
It's both ways actually. The girl really values him as a friend. After being friends for years, living together, and sticking through so many fights, I really wouldn't say that the girl is just 'using' him.
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On September 11 2010 13:55 cascades wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2010 13:32 NickC wrote:
A lot of people - innumerable people - can say "Be a Man and Move On!" but honestly I don't think they really know what they're talking about when it comes to personal, spiritual, mental development. You only get one life, and in such a crucial decision such as this I really want to find the right path - not just the "obvious" one.
Just want to concentrate on this portion. The path is the "obvious" one is because it's what works for most people. However, anyone has a personal experience that chasing after a girl after being friend-zoned worked? Not just a rhetorical question, genuinely interested to see if it has ever worked.
It's most certainly possible, but you need the right attitude. That's the biggest problem.
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Dude, just reading into half of it, it's obvious you became her emotional tampon that she used. A lot of guys get stuck in that. It's something you can't get out of, you just need to move on to another chick, but yeah even with this told to most guys, they never listen anyways. GL, and never be direct to a girl about your feelings, because it almost NEVER ends right. Hope this helps.
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On September 11 2010 13:59 Lightwip wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2010 13:55 cascades wrote:On September 11 2010 13:32 NickC wrote:
A lot of people - innumerable people - can say "Be a Man and Move On!" but honestly I don't think they really know what they're talking about when it comes to personal, spiritual, mental development. You only get one life, and in such a crucial decision such as this I really want to find the right path - not just the "obvious" one.
Just want to concentrate on this portion. The path is the "obvious" one is because it's what works for most people. However, anyone has a personal experience that chasing after a girl after being friend-zoned worked? Not just a rhetorical question, genuinely interested to see if it has ever worked. It's most certainly possible, but you need the right attitude. That's the biggest problem.
But isn't it fair to say that if you got friend-zoned in the first place, you most likely don't have the correct attitude to eventually get the girl?
Also count me out for someone who was able to get a girl after getting friend-zoned haha 
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I could tell you what you already know but I think this sums it all up:
![[image loading]](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friends.png)
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I read the jist of the story and this is what I've got to say: don't become a females emotional door mat. Don't become friends with a girl if you want to get into her pants. This is a great way to waste a large amount of money, time and effort just to most likely be shut down at the end. If you just want to sleep with her make it clear early on in the relationship. Obviously don't go up to girls screaming I want to have sex you because that you make you crazy in a bad way, but the girl should understand where you want the relationship to go. And if she doesn't reciprocate and accept sleeping with you, just leave her and find another girl. There are plenty of girls who are prettier, smarter, funnier,and easier to get along with than her.
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It's extremely difficult for people who haven't been in this situation to understand this; BUT--
They're right. You have to move on. It's hard. But you have to.
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On September 11 2010 13:55 cascades wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2010 13:32 NickC wrote:
A lot of people - innumerable people - can say "Be a Man and Move On!" but honestly I don't think they really know what they're talking about when it comes to personal, spiritual, mental development. You only get one life, and in such a crucial decision such as this I really want to find the right path - not just the "obvious" one.
Just want to concentrate on this portion. The path is the "obvious" one is because it's what works for most people. However, anyone has a personal experience that chasing after a girl after being friend-zoned worked? Not just a rhetorical question, genuinely interested to see if it has ever worked.
actually i do have a personal experience with a girl i got friendzoned by.
thing is that after a week or 2 i said fuck it and left. week later she came to me.
+ Show Spoiler +granted the whole thing didnt turn out well, and we broke up shortly after =P
edit because the stupid  smiley doesnt convey the face i'm trying to get. damn , so misleading...
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EPT
