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On September 11 2010 14:01 GoShox wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2010 13:59 Lightwip wrote:On September 11 2010 13:55 cascades wrote:On September 11 2010 13:32 NickC wrote:
A lot of people - innumerable people - can say "Be a Man and Move On!" but honestly I don't think they really know what they're talking about when it comes to personal, spiritual, mental development. You only get one life, and in such a crucial decision such as this I really want to find the right path - not just the "obvious" one.
Just want to concentrate on this portion. The path is the "obvious" one is because it's what works for most people. However, anyone has a personal experience that chasing after a girl after being friend-zoned worked? Not just a rhetorical question, genuinely interested to see if it has ever worked. It's most certainly possible, but you need the right attitude. That's the biggest problem. But isn't it fair to say that if you got friend-zoned in the first place, you most likely don't have the correct attitude to eventually get the girl? Also count me out for someone who was able to get a girl after getting friend-zoned haha 
Yeah, that's true. But people can change, so it might happen. Not that being so reliant on it would help anything.
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On September 11 2010 13:32 NickC wrote:
A lot of people - innumerable people - can say "Be a Man and Move On!" but honestly I don't think they really know what they're talking about when it comes to personal, spiritual, mental development. You only get one life, and in such a crucial decision such as this I really want to find the right path - not just the "obvious" one.
You think its so fucking manly to delete someone from your phone and facebook? Please, give me a break.
What fucking personal, spiritual and mental development? A crucial decision and the right path? Don't make me laugh. You basically want to get in her pants. I mean for fuck's sake you got erections every time you heard her voice. You made it very clear in your post several times that you want to go out with her. Almost everyone here has had similar experiences as yours, don't be a wimp.
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forqq hit the nail on the head.
Your in denial , hardcore.
Ever heard of love at first sight? When you meet eyes with a girl and you basically already had sex. And then when you talk your just flirting and you love it.
You shouldn't have to prove to a girl that your worth being with. She should be able to see it.
It is in a girls fucking genes to see confidence and physical prowess in a male. A girl wants security in exchange for sex (99%), and if not she is most likely using you.
it is getting to the point where you need to take a few shots and start touching her and whip your dong out. Its that bad man, unless of course she has a planetary fortress and detection (Har)
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
LOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
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On September 11 2010 14:15 Rekrul wrote:
LOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Reeeekkrrrruuulll if I did that I'd get baannnneeed. Not like I blame you 
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On September 11 2010 13:32 NickC wrote:
to tryummm (havent read other replies)
Thankyou for having a more open-eyed response to me. We've worked hard at this relationship and, now that I've written all that crap and had time to reflect, I really have come a long way.
I'm no longer super sensitive to all her little criticisms. I no longer get a erection every time I hear her laugh. This time, when I detected an emotional overload in myself, I immediately confronted her with it. I didn't let it build up and I dealt with it rationally. In the past I would have probably just gotten more and more emotional, ended by saying something like "good nite, love u x" then masturbated myself to sleep.
I know I still have a lot of things to sort out, but as you said "success is a forward journey".
The emotions are so fucking strong I often want some damn medication to take to make them go away. I need to work on getting less-easily invested in her, by redirecting my attention when I start to get sucked in. By forcing her out of my mind when I start to dwell on her - something that I started doing a while ago but never ever would have been able to achieve when I first met her, just because it was something I've never practiced before.
After this latest blunder, perhaps at least I know now one other thing that I shouldn't do - that doesn't really work. You really seem to think it is a personal problem...I always thought it was something two people could share and deal with together...but it seems like it is really down to me and my force of will alone.
Earlier tonight I wanted to tell her, when she comes online tomorrow, that I was "just warning her to steer clear of leading me on". But now I'm beginning to think that really does put the burden on her rather than myself, and it doesn't fix the problem; just avoids it.
Its so easy to say these things though. I really don't know how I'll act the next time she sends me xxxs or giggles at my joke or says she misses me. I'll get some massive influx of emotion and desire, then I guess I'll try to push it straight out of my thoughts.
A lot of people - innumerable people - can say "Be a Man and Move On!" but honestly I don't think they really know what they're talking about when it comes to personal, spiritual, mental development. You only get one life, and in such a crucial decision such as this I really want to find the right path - not just the "obvious" one.
You think its so fucking manly to delete someone from your phone and facebook? Please, give me a break.
This is why your life sucks. You're in denial. You're hurting yourself emotionally to no end. Think of it this way. IF you had other girls(options) at your disposal, do you HONESTLY THINK, you'd give two shits about this girl? Absolutely not. And because such is not the case, you're heavily emotionally invested into this single girl. The only cure to this disease, my friend, is to go screw 10 other women, and then you'll see just how special that little flower is after. But knowing you, you'll obviously come up with some excuse, or maybe you just don't have the self confidence to try. Either, you need to recognize the situation your in and stop shitting on people's help. Get rid of all traces of her and find yourself multiple new obsessions(girls) to deal with at once. Life will seem better then.
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Find some other stuff to think about and get over this girl. She clearly isn't that great so stop putting her on a pedestal. She is just fitting into a puzzle piece that you're missing, there are plenty of other girls who could do it as well.
And besides girls there are other ways to fill the puzzle piece, too. Hell, you can reshape the puzzle if you want.
Does anyone even know what I am talking about anymore?
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I read the subject of this blog thinking it was probably a bunch of shit, came in to read it anyway, and instead found myself in an outer body experience... the situations and emotions you describe are as familiar to me as my face.
The main difference is you've only been going through this for two years, that doesn't seem like that long to me, because I went through it for about four years. I could recount my own story and mirror your blog, but why don't I just cut to the happy ending? That great day when I cut off contact with her, and finally regained my own sanity and self-respect.
She will never like you the same way she likes random guys she has dated, she is extremely selfish because she knows how you feel and how much pain contact with her causes you, but she seeks it anyway (on her terms of course) because you give her something she wants. She's not malicious, she's just extremely self-centered and unable to empathise with you.
You can beat your head against this wall forever, having no control over your own feelings, your emotional state decided each day by a word or action that means nothing to her and everything to you. Or you can stand up, walk away and make something of yourself.
I took this step 8 months ago, and I've been in a ROMANTIC relationship with another girl for the last few months that has given me more happiness in this short time than I had during those whole four years of misery. You've given her enough of yourself, waiting in agony for things to miraculously become what you want them to be. It's time for you to pull away and forge your own happiness. There's no justice but that which you make for yourself.
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okay going through rejections and things like this are a learning process that most guys have to go through first before they realize they should've just cut and run
unfortunately your learning process has been going on for years and you still haven't figured it out...
good luck man maybe you'll be one of the few to turn the situation around. 3rd year lucky and all that
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On September 11 2010 14:15 Rekrul wrote:
LOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
good thing I didn't have to say it
OP you sound hella creepy.. go out and discover who you are as a person, then look for love..
you just sound like a creepy hopeless romantic.
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On September 11 2010 14:38 Terrakin wrote:good thing I didn't have to say it OP you sound hella creepy.. go out and discover who you are as a person, then look for love.. you just sound like a creepy hopeless romantic.
I seriously don't think he realizes this, which is an even a bigger problem.
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Wow, this was totally me in high school. I spent two and a half years crushing over my best friend. She always complained about her life sucking and I described my pain as a "pleasant torture" in feeling good around her, completely helpless, and then having her weight on my shoulders.
I don't think you're looking at this the right way. Relationships make compromises, but they're not one way. She's called all the shots so far. "I thought you were over this", constantly venting to you and not reciprocating, and expecting you to be 'a good friend' to the random boyfriend. There is no compromise. She's in control. This is an unhealthy relationship and you're only hurting yourself by remaining in it.
With my high school crush things finally boiled over, we fought continuously, my friends had told me for 6 months that I was whipped, and I made the decision to stop being that crutch. I intentionally didn't talk to her for days and only minimum contact for months. You know what? It sucked! But during that time I realized my lack of self-respect. I certainly didn't deserve a friend that would dump all her emotional shit on me and constantly complain about how bad her life was. Where was this relationship getting me? Stress and constantly distraught emotions. I tried to be friends with her again before the end of the year (our senior year) and we talked over the summer online, but the relationship had degraded and we stopped talking when we entered college (roughly 5 years ago).
As if I didn't learn my lesson the first time, I repeated it in a not-so-different manner. My first girlfriend was, in my mind, absolutely incredible. A very caring person who was dedicated to what she loved the most. It didn't start this way, but basically degenerated into a one-sided relationship where she called the shots, dumped all her emotional baggage on me (which started giving me panic attacks), and was more stress than what it was worth. After it was over I finally found that long-sought self-respect. In January I met this awesome girl and I couldn't be happier with our relationship (thus proving that if your heart is in the right place, but your head is not, you may still have the fundamentals of a relationship down, just not practiced correctly).
I'm sure it's been repeated here already - separate yourself from her for at least 6 months. Your friendship is poisonous. I'm sure you're awesome together, but the awesomeness is negated when the price is you feeling like crap. This is not a good relationship. You need to get out of it immediately.
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while we're on the topic of this "friend that you dump everything on", is it bad for a guy to make a girl his dumping ground? >_>
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On September 11 2010 15:32 seRapH wrote:
while we're on the topic of this "friend that you dump everything on", is it bad for a guy to make a girl his dumping ground? >_>
Not if you're not interested in sleeping with her in the first place.
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be a man
let me elaborate on that, good friends becoming couples is obviously unlikely, sure it works for some, but u know it isn't going to work when she still treats you the same way after cutting off contact for months. if she had the slightest feeling for you then she would've treated you differently. that's all.
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You're wasting your time. She will never be sexually attracted to you. Once you've been friend-zoned there's no going back. Listen to everyone in this thread, for your own sake.
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Dude. She put you in the friend zone the moment she met you. Once you enter the friend zone, it's rare to get out. Move on, be strong, and get that p00n you crave from some other girl.
P.S. Even though I say it's rare to get out of the friend zone, I believe best friends who can share everything with each other, make the most successful couples. Communication and dedication is key. Seriously. If you ever have to think twice about something, talk to your significant other about it.
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i find your selflessness very admirable but it seams to be miss placed
you are not her friend you aren't willing to just accept her as is you want her to change you want her to suddenly drop her romantic life and go out with you.
you keep dumping your feelings for her on her when you should be talking to some one else.
and she is not your friend
a friend would of gotten you help by now.
would be willing to accept you have feelings for them and that its not something you can simply get over.
a friend would off accepted that it if something makes you feel awkward you should be able to avoid it.
this relation ship is not healthy and i think both of you know that you need to stop talking to each other.
maybe later on (allot latter on after years) you will come to become friends proper friends who can talk freely to each other you may even hock up and do all the good things you know you want to do.
but that will never happen if you keep the relation ship as is you are just a natural part of life and you can not change that there is no need for her to try and keep you as a friend. there for she is putting no effort or thought in on her part.
what you want to do if you want to get her or even if you want a good life is to remove your self from the relation ship get your self a life independent of hers become a hole person with out her.
and let her have a chance to become hole with out you.
so if you do come back together its two people not just two halfs.
and then too her you are no longer a natural part of life but something special something worth fighting to hold on too because you are i don't know you but i would be willing to bet you can do many things i cant your a hell of a lot more selfless than i am and that's very very admirable but you have to take care of your self before you can look after any one else.
if you cant control your emotions you need to get to a place where you can.
you have to move out for your sake and hers.
you said that its not manly to ignore a rejection and stop talking to the person but your ignoring the fact that your just hurting your self and her.
you must do the right thing by your self and her you must break it off.
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Dude if this is real then you need some serious help, you can't let someone run your emotional life like that. BUT... I feel like I just read a post by tdot... yep my troll radar is going haywire.
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Please for your own sake get out of it =(
I'm sure many of us gone through similar situations but one day you will soon realize how silly this is. Once you laugh about it, you know you are over it! You will find someone special.
Now go out and have some fun! Do what you love for yourself and do anything possible to get your mind off her. Do you really wanna keep hurting yourself like this?
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EPT
