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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
November 04 2017 01:54 GMT
#19061
Yeah I think Tinder is like 20% just for fucking and 60% people that are open to a relationship but definetly dtf. Then a few naive ones purely looking for a relationship.
GoTuNk!
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
Chile4591 Posts
November 04 2017 13:22 GMT
#19062
On November 04 2017 01:51 urmomdresslikafloozy wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 03 2017 15:54 Belisarius wrote:
Yeah I feel like "what do you want?" is the relevant question.

If you just want to mess around then it seems like you're not doing that badly.

If you want something more serious, why are you writing off the ones looking to settle?

I guess i really dont know what I want lol. I am an only child and moved away from my parents along time ago so nobody has been breathing down my neck to settle down, get into a committed relationship, and start a family, but mabye they should have? I have friends and neighbors my age that are married and have children that i hang out with sometimes but I cant really relate because ive been independent for so long. Its getting to the point that asking out college girls when you are 10 years older than them is getting borderline creepy so i need to change my strats. I guess ill give the adults sports league thing a shot


My gf is 9 years younger than me, she's the most mature girl I've met so far lol. You live in the U.S., i'm sure there are tons of conservative girls of all ages around who want serious stuff, just look in another places. There is also lots of girls, of any age, that won't settle down at all.

You seem to be doing ok with woman and life in general, not sure why your first post is so negative :p

LemOn
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United Kingdom8629 Posts
November 04 2017 13:31 GMT
#19063
Yeah my GF is 7.5 years younger
I'm a kid at heart though and she's very mature
Much is the father figure that I miss in my life. Go Daddy! DoC.LemOn, LemOn[5thF]
urmomdresslikafloozy
Profile Joined October 2017
191 Posts
November 05 2017 17:32 GMT
#19064
On November 04 2017 22:22 GoTuNk! wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 04 2017 01:51 urmomdresslikafloozy wrote:
On November 03 2017 15:54 Belisarius wrote:
Yeah I feel like "what do you want?" is the relevant question.

If you just want to mess around then it seems like you're not doing that badly.

If you want something more serious, why are you writing off the ones looking to settle?

I guess i really dont know what I want lol. I am an only child and moved away from my parents along time ago so nobody has been breathing down my neck to settle down, get into a committed relationship, and start a family, but mabye they should have? I have friends and neighbors my age that are married and have children that i hang out with sometimes but I cant really relate because ive been independent for so long. Its getting to the point that asking out college girls when you are 10 years older than them is getting borderline creepy so i need to change my strats. I guess ill give the adults sports league thing a shot


My gf is 9 years younger than me, she's the most mature girl I've met so far lol. You live in the U.S., i'm sure there are tons of conservative girls of all ages around who want serious stuff, just look in another places. There is also lots of girls, of any age, that won't settle down at all.

You seem to be doing ok with woman and life in general, not sure why your first post is so negative :p


My apologizes. I didn't mean to come off as a pessimist XD Im just kinda frustrated. I live in a affluent neighborhood and the girls around here make me feel like the dudes in this video.

I never tried tinder before. Is a legit way of meeting girls? I was allways under the impression that if I signed up I would just be spammed by bot accounts.
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
November 05 2017 17:56 GMT
#19065
On November 06 2017 02:32 urmomdresslikafloozy wrote:
I never tried tinder before. Is a legit way of meeting girls? I was allways under the impression that if I signed up I would just be spammed by bot accounts.

Pretty much everyone has tried tinder at some point these days. So the girls you find in real will most likely be the same types you find on tinder, albeit a lot more pickier. I pretty much just view tinder as a introduction service these days. Talk a little, see if she is interested in seeing you, then ask her out.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
ApatheticSchizoid
Profile Blog Joined June 2014
Canada85 Posts
November 06 2017 10:43 GMT
#19066
Honestly I've never used tinder. It just seems so invasive to me and demeaning. Well that's probably because I'm a schizoid. I don't really need people in my life nor do I really want them. I'm the kind of guy who's content with being by myself and not interacting with me. My current GF is the one exception I found apart from a close friend I have. I'd probably never use tinder and I'm happy not to.
Acrofales
Profile Joined August 2010
Spain18375 Posts
November 06 2017 10:47 GMT
#19067
OT: Are you a pathetic schizoid? Or are you an apathetic schizoid? Also, the fact that you are referring to yourself as a schizoid makes me doubt that you are actually schizophrenic at all, regardless of whether you are apathetic or pathetic.

ApatheticSchizoid
Profile Blog Joined June 2014
Canada85 Posts
November 06 2017 11:47 GMT
#19068
On November 06 2017 19:47 Acrofales wrote:
OT: Are you a pathetic schizoid? Or are you an apathetic schizoid? Also, the fact that you are referring to yourself as a schizoid makes me doubt that you are actually schizophrenic at all, regardless of whether you are apathetic or pathetic.



I'm an apathetic schizoid. Keep in mind that the term 'schizoid' doesn't refer to people who have schizophrenia, but instead schizoid personality disorder.
[Phantom]
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Mexico2170 Posts
November 10 2017 17:13 GMT
#19069
If you breakup with someone for about a month, and two weeks in you go out with someone a couple of times and kiss and stuff, and then go back to your ex, is it cheating?
WriterTeamLiquid Staff writer since 2014 @Mortal_Phantom
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
November 10 2017 17:18 GMT
#19070
On November 11 2017 02:13 [Phantom] wrote:
If you breakup with someone for about a month, and two weeks in you go out with someone a couple of times and kiss and stuff, and then go back to your ex, is it cheating?

I don't think it's "wrong" since you weren't together, but obviously what I think doesn't matter here whatsoever.

My guess how this will turn out:
She will find out that you dated some girl during the "break" and get pissed. You break up.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
Artisreal
Profile Joined June 2009
Germany9235 Posts
November 10 2017 18:17 GMT
#19071
if you breakup you're single.
?
passive quaranstream fan
Plansix
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
United States60190 Posts
November 10 2017 18:21 GMT
#19072
On November 11 2017 03:17 Artisreal wrote:
if you breakup you're single.
?

That is how is always worked for me.

The only real problem I could see coming from teh post above is if the person wasn't honest about dating someone else during that month.
I have the Honor to be your Obedient Servant, P.6
TL+ Member
LemOn
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-11-10 18:44:44
November 10 2017 18:42 GMT
#19073
Did you break up with her, fool around and then take her back? Because yeah that'll be easy to seem like you broke up to pork someone else and then came back when done
Much is the father figure that I miss in my life. Go Daddy! DoC.LemOn, LemOn[5thF]
Artisreal
Profile Joined June 2009
Germany9235 Posts
November 10 2017 18:48 GMT
#19074
On November 11 2017 03:42 LemOn wrote:
Did you break up with her, fool around and then take her back? Because yeah that'll be easy to seem like you broke up to pork someone else and then came back when done

I can 100% agree with this interpretation of the post.
passive quaranstream fan
ApatheticSchizoid
Profile Blog Joined June 2014
Canada85 Posts
November 13 2017 10:31 GMT
#19075
On November 11 2017 03:42 LemOn wrote:
Did you break up with her, fool around and then take her back? Because yeah that'll be easy to seem like you broke up to pork someone else and then came back when done


Even if he didn't, I still think it'd be great to just be honest and say what you did. Keeping something from her just because you weren't 'together' can cause some big issues in the future if it's with other things as well. If he's not serious about her, no point in telling her. If he wants something meaningful then, it'd be best to stay honest.
Slydie
Profile Joined August 2013
1987 Posts
November 13 2017 11:41 GMT
#19076
On November 13 2017 19:31 ApatheticSchizoid wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 11 2017 03:42 LemOn wrote:
Did you break up with her, fool around and then take her back? Because yeah that'll be easy to seem like you broke up to pork someone else and then came back when done


Even if he didn't, I still think it'd be great to just be honest and say what you did. Keeping something from her just because you weren't 'together' can cause some big issues in the future if it's with other things as well. If he's not serious about her, no point in telling her. If he wants something meaningful then, it'd be best to stay honest.


Really? Be very careful there! Even things that are "right" in our dating culture morally can cause a terrible emotional shitstorm. I would not tell her anything unless she asks, and if she does ask: focus on the emotonal aspects of it, telling how those doing things with the other girls did not do it for you, and that it feels great to be back with your GF.

A friend of mine had a major screwing around period like yours, but got back to his now wife, and after moving around the world with her, they just had their 3rd kid. Some time apart to think, try and feel can be good!
Buff the siegetank
Incognoto
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
France10239 Posts
November 13 2017 17:42 GMT
#19077
I'm in an awkward situation with a girl.

I asked her out 3 months ago and was told no. Which to me, was fine. What ended up happening was that we got closer over time. More chemistry, etc.

Over time I have been getting compliments from her (nice ones, not just looks but also about person) and haven't shied away from complimenting her back. The chemistry is real, texting late into the night, about anything and everything. We've even shared some personal worries. I really do not want to ask her out again because:

1. I already asked her out and as far as I'm concerned the ball would be in her court,
2. She is working 2 full time jobs and has almost no free time at all. Even if she were interested, a relationship would be difficult for her to handle,

That's not my problem them. I recently made a callous comment (it was me being careless with my wording) and she got angry at me. The texting stopped abruptly. I waited a few days, then texted her about something unrelated. She seemed fine at that point, then I very indirectly apologized and she indirectly said it was OK (just compliments).

Fast forward a few days from there, we haven't texted in a while. I'm half concerned that she has lingering disappointment in me and half concerned that she is losing interest in our friendship. Even though I want to date her, it's her friendship that matters to me more as of right now. However I wonder if the "romantic" tension (really, for lack of a better word. is it mutual? I don't know) is making things more difficult than they should be. I really just want to be an excellent friend to her because she's an excellent human being whom I respect deeply.
maru lover forever
Excludos
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Norway8270 Posts
November 13 2017 17:56 GMT
#19078
I'm unsure what realistically I can expect of answers here, but I might as well give my desperation a go:

Where do you guys go to meet girls? I'm in a position where I'm done with school, I got a decent living, my own apartment, car, etc and want to find someone to share my life with. But being a nerdy nerd with only nerdy nerd friends I have practically no girls in my or any of my friend's lives. So where do you go? Clubs are out: Music is too loud to even yell "hello" let alone attempt a conversation (Also the music sucks..I might be getting old), dating sited are really difficult unless you look really good (Most of them seem to have a 10 to 1 guy/girl ratio so the girls generally just get to pick whomever they might want) and costs a good bit of money, and mostly everyone at work is minimum 20 years older than me.

I'm assuming lots of other people here have found themselves in a similar situation, since we're all nerd after all. What did you do? What helped?
Dark_Chill
Profile Joined May 2011
Canada3353 Posts
November 13 2017 18:29 GMT
#19079
On November 14 2017 02:56 Excludos wrote:
I'm unsure what realistically I can expect of answers here, but I might as well give my desperation a go:

Where do you guys go to meet girls? I'm in a position where I'm done with school, I got a decent living, my own apartment, car, etc and want to find someone to share my life with. But being a nerdy nerd with only nerdy nerd friends I have practically no girls in my or any of my friend's lives. So where do you go? Clubs are out: Music is too loud to even yell "hello" let alone attempt a conversation (Also the music sucks..I might be getting old), dating sited are really difficult unless you look really good (Most of them seem to have a 10 to 1 guy/girl ratio so the girls generally just get to pick whomever they might want) and costs a good bit of money, and mostly everyone at work is minimum 20 years older than me.

I'm assuming lots of other people here have found themselves in a similar situation, since we're all nerd after all. What did you do? What helped?

Look in your area for events/activities which you think nerds don't do. Jogging clubs, rock-climbing is a common suggestion. Look to meetup.com for finding people to do stuff you also want to do.
Expand your social circles and you'll find more people, some of which are bound to women no matter how nerdy (whatever that means anymore) the activity is.
CUTE MAKES RIGHT
Titusmaster6
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States5937 Posts
November 13 2017 19:34 GMT
#19080
On November 14 2017 02:42 Incognoto wrote:
I'm in an awkward situation with a girl.

I asked her out 3 months ago and was told no. Which to me, was fine. What ended up happening was that we got closer over time. More chemistry, etc.

Over time I have been getting compliments from her (nice ones, not just looks but also about person) and haven't shied away from complimenting her back. The chemistry is real, texting late into the night, about anything and everything. We've even shared some personal worries. I really do not want to ask her out again because:

1. I already asked her out and as far as I'm concerned the ball would be in her court,
2. She is working 2 full time jobs and has almost no free time at all. Even if she were interested, a relationship would be difficult for her to handle,

That's not my problem them. I recently made a callous comment (it was me being careless with my wording) and she got angry at me. The texting stopped abruptly. I waited a few days, then texted her about something unrelated. She seemed fine at that point, then I very indirectly apologized and she indirectly said it was OK (just compliments).

Fast forward a few days from there, we haven't texted in a while. I'm half concerned that she has lingering disappointment in me and half concerned that she is losing interest in our friendship. Even though I want to date her, it's her friendship that matters to me more as of right now. However I wonder if the "romantic" tension (really, for lack of a better word. is it mutual? I don't know) is making things more difficult than they should be. I really just want to be an excellent friend to her because she's an excellent human being whom I respect deeply.

It sounds like you want to cling onto that small chance of having a romantic relationship with her. I think you should just let it go and pursue relationships with other women. If you truly believe she might have romantic feelings for you, ask her again and be direct. If she says no then you can move on knowing you tried.
Shorts down shorts up, BOOM, just like that.
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