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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 29 2017 21:25 Uldridge wrote:
Yeah my question concerns how much time you have left with your significant other after you've deducted time from work, hobbies, socializing (which isn't seperate per se), ....
Of course there's different solutions for different couples, but I'm kind of sampling here with yours are because I feel like I need significantly more alone time than other people, which then reflects on how much time I can/want to spend together with my gf I guess. Right now there's a LDR distance thing going on and we're planning on living together, but there are streaks where we spend 5-days together and that completely drains me.
Having done both, the dynamic is completely different. As in, you cannot possibly compare the 5 days you spend together after months of not seeing one another with your usual day-to-day life living together with someone.
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On September 29 2017 21:34 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On September 29 2017 21:25 Uldridge wrote:
Yeah my question concerns how much time you have left with your significant other after you've deducted time from work, hobbies, socializing (which isn't seperate per se), ....
Of course there's different solutions for different couples, but I'm kind of sampling here with yours are because I feel like I need significantly more alone time than other people, which then reflects on how much time I can/want to spend together with my gf I guess. Right now there's a LDR distance thing going on and we're planning on living together, but there are streaks where we spend 5-days together and that completely drains me. Having done both, the dynamic is completely different. As in, you cannot possibly compare the 5 days you spend together after months of not seeing one another with your usual day-to-day life living together with someone.
+1
Currently I only see my gf in the weekends, and we are together pretty much the entire weekend. Once we start living together I expect that to change.
I don't think it's odd that you feel drained after 5 days now, don't think there's cause for concern either. It'll be different when you live together.
You can always talk about this of course. I've already repeatedly brought up with my GF that I'll want my gaming time when we live together lol, you should discuss this.
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On September 29 2017 21:25 Uldridge wrote:
Yeah my question concerns how much time you have left with your significant other after you've deducted time from work, hobbies, socializing (which isn't seperate per se), ....
Of course there's different solutions for different couples, but I'm kind of sampling here with yours are because I feel like I need significantly more alone time than other people, which then reflects on how much time I can/want to spend together with my gf I guess. Right now there's a LDR distance thing going on and we're planning on living together, but there are streaks where we spend 5-days together and that completely drains me.
My partner is the same as you in that regard. She needs time for herself, significantly more than I do. But that isn't such a big deal to me to be frank. I can manage an evening or two on my own.
It is something you should communicate honestly. The worst that can happen is her projecting something into it like your need for privacy being somehow her fault.
I wholeheartedly disagree that this is a challenge for the relationship. Unless you simply withdraw yourself without explaining as to why because that leaves room for interpretation which can lead to suspicion and feeling left out. I for example still don't understand why she needs the space but I don't care and after she explained to me the bed for it, I accept it as a part of her wellbeing to do something that grounds her, so to speak.
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It's the same for me, I see her in the weekends. That's why I said LDR'ish thing haha. I think our situations are the same Laurens in that there's a college / different town situation going on so that only weekends are kind of viable.
But weekends to full week 24/7 is such a huge difference that it caused a bit of concern. I mean, I think it'll be fine once we're living together and both working; only seeing eachother briefly in the evening, able to plan stuff for the weekends, I'm looking forward to that, but that still doesn't remove the fact where too much exposure to people makes me need to recuperate by some time for myself.
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There shouldn't be a problem with that.
Just be clear about it and if necessary negotiate something along the lines of going to a fancy Kebap place to celebrate you being on tune with yourself again afterwards.
What does your partner gain from having an uneasy uldridge around? Probably less than she gains having you a little less time by her side but at 100%
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Well yeah I know, it's just that I didn't completely know how to deal with it myself, so I thought about asking here. Perhaps there was something I was missing hah
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On September 29 2017 22:12 Artisreal wrote:
There shouldn't be a problem with that.
Just be clear about it and if necessary negotiate something along the lines of going to a fancy Kebap place to celebrate you being on tune with yourself again afterwards.
What does your partner gain from having an uneasy uldridge around? Probably less than she gains having you a little less time by her side but at 100%
Fancy <-> Kebab.
What?
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I work 12 hours a day and often in the weekends so only spend a couple of hours per week together really. That's fine though because we're both people that need their own space.
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On September 29 2017 22:22 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On September 29 2017 22:12 Artisreal wrote:
There shouldn't be a problem with that.
Just be clear about it and if necessary negotiate something along the lines of going to a fancy Kebap place to celebrate you being on tune with yourself again afterwards.
What does your partner gain from having an uneasy uldridge around? Probably less than she gains having you a little less time by her side but at 100% Fancy <-> Kebab. What?
It's when there isn't any styrofoam in the kebab.
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To contrast with what has been said already, my gf and I have gone about things rather uniquely; after going on our first 4 dates during the summer of '15, we basically moved in with one another once law school started up again and have been spending around 12-14 hours a day with one another since then. We both have no interest in games and came at things from the perspective of "If we're going to do this, might as well go all-in and dive headlong into the types of situations that challenge couples."
Thus, we get into funny situations all the time where folks who have been dating for 4, 5, 6 years or more come to us for advice because we've been living in close contact for much longer than they have lol.
The point is that relationships can take on all kinds of forms, so be cautious when using the advice and/or relationship history of another as a yardstick lest you unnecessarily put yourself and your significant other into a box without reason.
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My basic point that applies to many situations is to talk about the feelings and underlying motivations involved and be honest.
That is what you guys did and it appears to be working out. Congrats to the 2 year jubilee! If you hadn't had talked about it, it might not have worked because you're both too busy with law school. But I'm just guessing here -.-
I stumbled a bit with you having no interest in games. Might be the wrong forum for that I thought at first but then it dawned upon me that it was regarding the relationship stuff 
On September 29 2017 22:22 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On September 29 2017 22:12 Artisreal wrote:
There shouldn't be a problem with that.
Just be clear about it and if necessary negotiate something along the lines of going to a fancy Kebap place to celebrate you being on tune with yourself again afterwards.
What does your partner gain from having an uneasy uldridge around? Probably less than she gains having you a little less time by her side but at 100% Fancy <-> Kebab. What?
it's obviously a joke about rewarding her for giving him the space he needs to be himself.
Because I think appreciation is due for that but going to a fancy place might be the wrong thing to do, i.e. overcompensating her role. Thus I went for a fancy Kebap place as a middle ground
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Holy fucking REEE.
So I was at work today. We had our scrum sprint planning meeting with my project group and with the product owner. We're at the point where we're deciding which cards we're supposed to put into the new sprint. We're doing scrum poker, basically assigning how much time a task will take. We get a card and I assign it a "3", we all show our cards at the same time and the people I show my card to start to laugh a lot. I'm thinking that I entered something weird, and look at my card. I have accidentally pressed some shit so it is showing the swiping screen of Tinder. Basically I showed everyone in my project group some random chick from tinder.
At least I can talk about tinder now. A bit related to dating I guess
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On September 30 2017 01:49 Artisreal wrote:My basic point that applies to many situations is to talk about the feelings and underlying motivations involved and be honest. That is what you guys did and it appears to be working out. Congrats to the 2 year jubilee! If you hadn't had talked about it, it might not have worked because you're both too busy with law school. But I'm just guessing here -.- I stumbled a bit with you having no interest in games. Might be the wrong forum for that I thought at first but then it dawned upon me that it was regarding the relationship stuff Show nested quote +On September 29 2017 22:22 Acrofales wrote:On September 29 2017 22:12 Artisreal wrote:
There shouldn't be a problem with that.
Just be clear about it and if necessary negotiate something along the lines of going to a fancy Kebap place to celebrate you being on tune with yourself again afterwards.
What does your partner gain from having an uneasy uldridge around? Probably less than she gains having you a little less time by her side but at 100% Fancy <-> Kebab. What? it's obviously a joke about rewarding her for giving him the space he needs to be himself. Because I think appreciation is due for that but going to a fancy place might be the wrong thing to do, i.e. overcompensating her role. Thus I went for a fancy Kebap place as a middle ground
If there is one relationship rule that tends towards universality, it's definitely keeping communications as open and honest between partners as possible, so I agree with you there for sure.
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Short funny story that probably doesn't belong here. Emily Ratajkowski published a photo on facebook and it looked like a place where I've been to in Paris, so I commented something like hey I know that place. Some hours later I see I have a message request - I check it out and it's from her (!!??) and it says 'thank you for your nice comment. I really appreciate it'
Of course it's an automated bot guys! But now sorry, I have to go check some engagement rings for a friend...
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On October 01 2017 18:53 SoSexy wrote:
Short funny story that probably doesn't belong here. Emily Ratajkowski published a photo on facebook and it looked like a place where I've been to in Paris, so I commented something like hey I know that place. Some hours later I see I have a message request - I check it out and it's from her (!!??) and it says 'thank you for your nice comment. I really appreciate it'
Of course it's an automated bot guys! But now sorry, I have to go check some engagement rings for a friend...
Who?
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On October 01 2017 18:54 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On October 01 2017 18:53 SoSexy wrote:
Short funny story that probably doesn't belong here. Emily Ratajkowski published a photo on facebook and it looked like a place where I've been to in Paris, so I commented something like hey I know that place. Some hours later I see I have a message request - I check it out and it's from her (!!??) and it says 'thank you for your nice comment. I really appreciate it'
Of course it's an automated bot guys! But now sorry, I have to go check some engagement rings for a friend... Who?
Google it
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On October 01 2017 18:53 SoSexy wrote:
Short funny story that probably doesn't belong here. Emily Ratajkowski published a photo on facebook and it looked like a place where I've been to in Paris, so I commented something like hey I know that place. Some hours later I see I have a message request - I check it out and it's from her (!!??) and it says 'thank you for your nice comment. I really appreciate it'
Of course it's an automated bot guys! But now sorry, I have to go check some engagement rings for a friend...
Wow, you're basically half way in already.
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On October 01 2017 18:54 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On October 01 2017 18:53 SoSexy wrote:
Short funny story that probably doesn't belong here. Emily Ratajkowski published a photo on facebook and it looked like a place where I've been to in Paris, so I commented something like hey I know that place. Some hours later I see I have a message request - I check it out and it's from her (!!??) and it says 'thank you for your nice comment. I really appreciate it'
Of course it's an automated bot guys! But now sorry, I have to go check some engagement rings for a friend... Who?
Epic Boobs in Gone Girl
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On September 30 2017 23:52 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2017 01:49 Artisreal wrote:My basic point that applies to many situations is to talk about the feelings and underlying motivations involved and be honest. That is what you guys did and it appears to be working out. Congrats to the 2 year jubilee! If you hadn't had talked about it, it might not have worked because you're both too busy with law school. But I'm just guessing here -.- I stumbled a bit with you having no interest in games. Might be the wrong forum for that I thought at first but then it dawned upon me that it was regarding the relationship stuff On September 29 2017 22:22 Acrofales wrote:On September 29 2017 22:12 Artisreal wrote:
There shouldn't be a problem with that.
Just be clear about it and if necessary negotiate something along the lines of going to a fancy Kebap place to celebrate you being on tune with yourself again afterwards.
What does your partner gain from having an uneasy uldridge around? Probably less than she gains having you a little less time by her side but at 100% Fancy <-> Kebab. What? it's obviously a joke about rewarding her for giving him the space he needs to be himself. Because I think appreciation is due for that but going to a fancy place might be the wrong thing to do, i.e. overcompensating her role. Thus I went for a fancy Kebap place as a middle ground If there is one relationship rule that tends towards universality, it's definitely keeping communications as open and honest between partners as possible, so I agree with you there for sure.
We just talked about it
My read countless times in these chick rules articles of 6 things you shouldn't talk about
And we did all of them (e.g. sex with exes, if someone from family doesn't like her etc.)
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I'm having difficulties parsing what you want to say.
You read about 6 things girl magazine articles say girls shouldn't talk about with their partner.
And you talked about all of them with your gf (giving examples in pratenthesis).
Thus you advocate talking openly.
Is that correct?
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EPT
