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On April 20 2014 11:09 12gage wrote:
Mhh well i did talk to her more than she talked to me in that kind of sense but again i was on vacation and had nothing to do and i asked if i could just talk to her but she said its okay but of course i stopped as soon as she said she was busy b/c of school or work, So i think i did it the right way but of course i do not know her train of thought on that... so maybe u are right and i went to far.
You spent what you consider too much time on your trip in Germany skyping with a girl you had just met? What the fuck were you doing on your trip? Why would she think you are an interesting guy if you can't even find anything to do in Germany? If you come on too strong from across the Atlantic you must be really suffocating her.
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You spent what you consider too much time on your trip in Germany skyping with a girl you had just met? What the fuck were you doing on your trip? Why would she think you are an interesting guy if you can't even find anything to do in Germany? If you come on too strong from across the Atlantic you must be really suffocating her.
There is a 7 hour Time difference, so when i was done with my day thats when i talked to her. Its not that i like got up and was on my phone or so and bombing her with txts, also the skyping was her idea. I guess i should have mentioned that or I am just making up some excuse right now (but I sure did all kinds of stuff i just put wrong in the post which my fault). But i guess u are still right, maybe i still shouldnt have talked as much. Iesson learned the hard way i guess...
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On April 22 2014 21:01 12gage wrote:Show nested quote +You spent what you consider too much time on your trip in Germany skyping with a girl you had just met? What the fuck were you doing on your trip? Why would she think you are an interesting guy if you can't even find anything to do in Germany? If you come on too strong from across the Atlantic you must be really suffocating her. There is a 7 hour Time difference, so when i was done with my day thats when i talked to her. Its not that i like got up and was on my phone or so and bombing her with txts, also the skyping was her idea. I guess i should have mentioned that or I am just making up some excuse right now (but I sure did all kinds of stuff i just put wrong in the post which my fault). But i guess u are still right, maybe i still shouldnt have talked as much. Iesson learned the hard way i guess...
A daily skype thing with someone you only met twice is a very odd situation to begin with, atleast from my perspective. Something like that is very likely to feel very forced and uncomfortable, so I think it is very possible that it gradually put her off you. In general it sounds like you were presumptuous, expecting way more attention than there was a basis for.
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Not daily, did i say that? if so i am sorry it wasnt like that ! just once :D man i suck at posting haha
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On April 22 2014 21:42 12gage wrote:
Not daily, did i say that? if so i am sorry it wasnt like that ! just once :D man i suck at posting haha
Well you didnt say it exactly, but from your posts i sort of assumed it was atleast frequent. Well that sounds reasonable, I don't think we can conclude anything based on what you said then, except that it is her move now.
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I had told my best friend that I loved her a while ago. She didn't seem ready or willing to pursue a relationship though and I told her that I didn't think we could remain being "best" friends. So I had pretty much been avoiding her for a couple of weeks after that. We would coincidentally meet (hmm) between classes or at the gym or club - at which times I admit I was not especially friendly with her. Alas, I miss our friendship, so a couple of weeks ago I txt her to hang out and she informed me that I make her "feel bad" when I am around her and she will txt me when she is ready to hang out again. #fml
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On April 20 2014 11:09 12gage wrote:
Mhh well i did talk to her more than she talked to me in that kind of sense but again i was on vacation and had nothing to do and i asked if i could just talk to her but she said its okay but of course i stopped as soon as she said she was busy b/c of school or work, So i think i did it the right way but of course i do not know her train of thought on that... so maybe u are right and i went to far.
That's your problem right there.
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Ok so I started an internship last week, managed to meet some youngsters pretty quickly including a cute girl I'd like to hang out with. She's quite talkative and friendly so we talked all together quite a bit. I felt I needed the weekend to get my shit together and know what I wanted precisely, so yesterday I took an opportunity to help her work related then coffee break into me asking her out (that sounds like a build order lol).
I asked her to go together to the arcade on weekends so I could teach her some stuff about me/IT/inet culture (she actually questioned me on how to code and what's an OS just before when I was helping her D .
She ended up saying mmh I'm usually pretty busy on the weekends and gave me a somewhat valid excuse (imo) but dodged my eyes for a while after my move.
So now I don't know what went wrong, I tried not to force a specific date at the start and added 'tell me if you have availabilites' when she dodged. Problem is that she's leaving company after next week (won't see her from may first) so I'm playing against the clock. Should I ask her again asap or wait a bit even tho i dont have that much time? Should I try to force a yes/no response and be clearer when asking? Goal is just to take her out I don't wanna freak her :/
#helplz
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On April 24 2014 17:43 TwiggyWan wrote:Ok so I started an internship last week, managed to meet some youngsters pretty quickly including a cute girl I'd like to hang out with. She's quite talkative and friendly so we talked all together quite a bit. I felt I needed the weekend to get my shit together and know what I wanted precisely, so yesterday I took an opportunity to help her work related then coffee break into me asking her out (that sounds like a build order lol). I asked her to go together to the arcade on weekends so I could teach her some stuff about me/IT/inet culture (she actually questioned me on how to code and what's an OS just before when I was helping her D . She ended up saying mmh I'm usually pretty busy on the weekends and gave me a somewhat valid excuse (imo) but dodged my eyes for a while after my move. So now I don't know what went wrong, I tried not to force a specific date at the start and added 'tell me if you have availabilites' when she dodged. Problem is that she's leaving company after next week (won't see her from may first) so I'm playing against the clock. Should I ask her again asap or wait a bit even tho i dont have that much time? Should I try to force a yes/no response and be clearer when asking? Goal is just to take her out I don't wanna freak her :/ #helplz
Good chance she's just not interested. Don't push too hard. Just let girls know you're interested, then move on if it isn't obvious that they are too.
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Maybe someone in here could help me to understand the situation:
Like I wrote some pages ago; she´s new to the company I´m working for and we´ve had one date so far about two weeks ago. Right after that date she sent me a message that it was great, she had lots of fun and so on...
Unfortunately in the following week we did not have contact due to little time (easter, shiftwork, she was sick and so on...).
On tuesday we worked together again. It was pretty cool, she asked me whether I´ll be working with her another time this week (which I won´t), told me that´s always fun to work with me, stayed almost one hour longer (after work) to help me get my stuff done and so on...
When she left I probably should have given her a hug (like I did after our date) - at least that is what her eyes said - but on the other hand; that would have looked stupid in front of customers. Anyway... she said that we´ll stay in contact via cellphone.
Yesterday I asked her out - via sms - for saturday evening, sushi. So far no answer.
The thing is, whenever we´re working together (or at our first date) I´ve got the feeling that she is really interested in me. But as soon as I am asking her out ... I don´t know it seems like she´s hesitating?
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Wait until tonight before you freak out - no matter what you can't really do anything right now. The ball is on her part of the court. However, being slow to reply might mean that she is hesitating or might just mean that she is trying to keep you on your toes and interested. I would guess the latter from what you have said.
EDIT: Also, kiss her, don't go for the hug. Friends hug. Couples kiss.
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On April 24 2014 18:23 jrkirby wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2014 17:43 TwiggyWan wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Ok so I started an internship last week, managed to meet some youngsters pretty quickly including a cute girl I'd like to hang out with. She's quite talkative and friendly so we talked all together quite a bit. I felt I needed the weekend to get my shit together and know what I wanted precisely, so yesterday I took an opportunity to help her work related then coffee break into me asking her out (that sounds like a build order lol). I asked her to go together to the arcade on weekends so I could teach her some stuff about me/IT/inet culture (she actually questioned me on how to code and what's an OS just before when I was helping her D . She ended up saying mmh I'm usually pretty busy on the weekends and gave me a somewhat valid excuse (imo) but dodged my eyes for a while after my move. So now I don't know what went wrong, I tried not to force a specific date at the start and added 'tell me if you have availabilites' when she dodged. Problem is that she's leaving company after next week (won't see her from may first) so I'm playing against the clock. Should I ask her again asap or wait a bit even tho i dont have that much time? Should I try to force a yes/no response and be clearer when asking? Goal is just to take her out I don't wanna freak her :/ #helplz Good chance she's just not interested. Don't push too hard. Just let girls know you're interested, then move on if it isn't obvious that they are too.
Isn't it a woman thing to give mixed signals/say noes that means yes? I'm confused on how to read it..
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On April 24 2014 20:50 TwiggyWan wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2014 18:23 jrkirby wrote:On April 24 2014 17:43 TwiggyWan wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Ok so I started an internship last week, managed to meet some youngsters pretty quickly including a cute girl I'd like to hang out with. She's quite talkative and friendly so we talked all together quite a bit. I felt I needed the weekend to get my shit together and know what I wanted precisely, so yesterday I took an opportunity to help her work related then coffee break into me asking her out (that sounds like a build order lol). I asked her to go together to the arcade on weekends so I could teach her some stuff about me/IT/inet culture (she actually questioned me on how to code and what's an OS just before when I was helping her D . She ended up saying mmh I'm usually pretty busy on the weekends and gave me a somewhat valid excuse (imo) but dodged my eyes for a while after my move. So now I don't know what went wrong, I tried not to force a specific date at the start and added 'tell me if you have availabilites' when she dodged. Problem is that she's leaving company after next week (won't see her from may first) so I'm playing against the clock. Should I ask her again asap or wait a bit even tho i dont have that much time? Should I try to force a yes/no response and be clearer when asking? Goal is just to take her out I don't wanna freak her :/ #helplz Good chance she's just not interested. Don't push too hard. Just let girls know you're interested, then move on if it isn't obvious that they are too. Isn't it a woman thing to give mixed signals/say noes that means yes? I'm confused on how to read it..
it's also a man's thing to take things as mixed signals. If she thinks you're a nice person and don't want to hurt your feelings, she will try to avoid saying "no" too directly. If she were interested she would have taken the opportunity to spend time with you imo. If you want to make things sure, since she's busy on the weekends, invite her for something on a weekday, afterwork drink can be a good starter! good luck
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On April 24 2014 18:23 jrkirby wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2014 17:43 TwiggyWan wrote:Ok so I started an internship last week, managed to meet some youngsters pretty quickly including a cute girl I'd like to hang out with. She's quite talkative and friendly so we talked all together quite a bit. I felt I needed the weekend to get my shit together and know what I wanted precisely, so yesterday I took an opportunity to help her work related then coffee break into me asking her out (that sounds like a build order lol). I asked her to go together to the arcade on weekends so I could teach her some stuff about me/IT/inet culture (she actually questioned me on how to code and what's an OS just before when I was helping her D . She ended up saying mmh I'm usually pretty busy on the weekends and gave me a somewhat valid excuse (imo) but dodged my eyes for a while after my move. So now I don't know what went wrong, I tried not to force a specific date at the start and added 'tell me if you have availabilites' when she dodged. Problem is that she's leaving company after next week (won't see her from may first) so I'm playing against the clock. Should I ask her again asap or wait a bit even tho i dont have that much time? Should I try to force a yes/no response and be clearer when asking? Goal is just to take her out I don't wanna freak her :/ #helplz Good chance she's just not interested. Don't push too hard. Just let girls know you're interested, then move on if it isn't obvious that they are too.
That's the attitude that lets you watch someone else show up who knows what he wants. (Hint: The girl.)
It's not about pushing, it's about taking risks and showing that you're someone who goes out there and is not afraid of being rejected, someone who tries to actively take what he wants. The key is to be persistent, honest and still smooth without turning it into creepy, overemotional and cheesy.
As for this specific case, as it is with most, you fucked up before she dodged you. Almost any "she rejected me what did I do wrong halp" can be boiled down to doing something that wasn't quite right with a previous step. You can't just come out of the blue from a friendly conversation into "Hey, wanna date?" and expect it to go well most of the time. You want her to be comfortable AND attracted to you before you try and isolate you.
It's quite similar to meeting a group of girls when going out, same checklist / build order: Is she comfortable? Is she sexually attracted? Am I acceptable enough for her environment so that no one will waltz in and try to stop her from being alone with me?
In your case she was most likely comfortable enough, you had a tricky environment that you most likely didn't address or at the very least don't know her position on and, from the sound of it, she wasn't really attracted in "that" way to you.
Go next, try and be more flirty / honest towards a woman you perceive as interesting to you from the very start. No, don't walk up to her and be like "OMG NICE TITS WANNA FUCK!?" - you can say exactly that with an eye contact and a smile that says the same within less than a few seconds.
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On April 24 2014 21:00 LeLfe wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2014 20:50 TwiggyWan wrote:On April 24 2014 18:23 jrkirby wrote:On April 24 2014 17:43 TwiggyWan wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Ok so I started an internship last week, managed to meet some youngsters pretty quickly including a cute girl I'd like to hang out with. She's quite talkative and friendly so we talked all together quite a bit. I felt I needed the weekend to get my shit together and know what I wanted precisely, so yesterday I took an opportunity to help her work related then coffee break into me asking her out (that sounds like a build order lol). I asked her to go together to the arcade on weekends so I could teach her some stuff about me/IT/inet culture (she actually questioned me on how to code and what's an OS just before when I was helping her D . She ended up saying mmh I'm usually pretty busy on the weekends and gave me a somewhat valid excuse (imo) but dodged my eyes for a while after my move. So now I don't know what went wrong, I tried not to force a specific date at the start and added 'tell me if you have availabilites' when she dodged. Problem is that she's leaving company after next week (won't see her from may first) so I'm playing against the clock. Should I ask her again asap or wait a bit even tho i dont have that much time? Should I try to force a yes/no response and be clearer when asking? Goal is just to take her out I don't wanna freak her :/ #helplz Good chance she's just not interested. Don't push too hard. Just let girls know you're interested, then move on if it isn't obvious that they are too. Isn't it a woman thing to give mixed signals/say noes that means yes? I'm confused on how to read it.. it's also a man's thing to take things as mixed signals. If she thinks you're a nice person and don't want to hurt your feelings, she will try to avoid saying "no" too directly. If she were interested she would have taken the opportunity to spend time with you imo. If you want to make things sure, since she's busy on the weekends, invite her for something on a weekday, afterwork drink can be a good starter! good luck
The question that should be asked is: "Why does this woman I barely know worry about my feelings towards her?" The answer most likely is that the person is giving off a vibe that says "I don't know anything about you but I'm already getting emotionally attached!"
That shit is scary for a woman. What kind of guy does that? How desperate is he? It's not attractive at all, so she's choosing the, in her view, easiest way that leaves the least amount of possibilities for that guy to get mad at her. What men usually call "mixed signals" in the context of dating are very clear "no" signals from the woman but she's communicating as subtle and nice as she can because she's not sure how the guy is going to react it if she's just flat out honest about it. Simply because he has already shown her that he is rather emotional and gets attached easily.
Here's the catch: If you simply don't take her things as mixed signals and assume she's into you until proven otherwise you're suddenly not worried about her being interested in you. Suddenly even if you ARE emotionally interested in her it doesn't matter because it's not affecting your behavior or how you approach the situation - which is the very thing that makes you most likely attractive to her.
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Single for the first time in over 5 years... time to brainwash myself into thinking how great it was last time 
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On April 24 2014 23:07 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2014 21:00 LeLfe wrote:On April 24 2014 20:50 TwiggyWan wrote:On April 24 2014 18:23 jrkirby wrote:On April 24 2014 17:43 TwiggyWan wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Ok so I started an internship last week, managed to meet some youngsters pretty quickly including a cute girl I'd like to hang out with. She's quite talkative and friendly so we talked all together quite a bit. I felt I needed the weekend to get my shit together and know what I wanted precisely, so yesterday I took an opportunity to help her work related then coffee break into me asking her out (that sounds like a build order lol). I asked her to go together to the arcade on weekends so I could teach her some stuff about me/IT/inet culture (she actually questioned me on how to code and what's an OS just before when I was helping her D . She ended up saying mmh I'm usually pretty busy on the weekends and gave me a somewhat valid excuse (imo) but dodged my eyes for a while after my move. So now I don't know what went wrong, I tried not to force a specific date at the start and added 'tell me if you have availabilites' when she dodged. Problem is that she's leaving company after next week (won't see her from may first) so I'm playing against the clock. Should I ask her again asap or wait a bit even tho i dont have that much time? Should I try to force a yes/no response and be clearer when asking? Goal is just to take her out I don't wanna freak her :/ #helplz Good chance she's just not interested. Don't push too hard. Just let girls know you're interested, then move on if it isn't obvious that they are too. Isn't it a woman thing to give mixed signals/say noes that means yes? I'm confused on how to read it.. it's also a man's thing to take things as mixed signals. If she thinks you're a nice person and don't want to hurt your feelings, she will try to avoid saying "no" too directly. If she were interested she would have taken the opportunity to spend time with you imo. If you want to make things sure, since she's busy on the weekends, invite her for something on a weekday, afterwork drink can be a good starter! good luck The question that should be asked is: "Why does this woman I barely know worry about my feelings towards her?" The answer most likely is that the person is giving off a vibe that says "I don't know anything about you but I'm already getting emotionally attached!" Here's the catch: If you simply don't take her things as mixed signals and assume she's into you until proven otherwise you're suddenly not worried about her being interested in you. Suddenly even if you ARE emotionally interested in her it doesn't matter because it's not affecting your behavior or how you approach the situation - which is the very thing that makes you most likely attractive to her.
So if I followed you correctly I ask again until i get a clear response while ignoring how she reacts to show her I don't care?
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On April 24 2014 19:48 Ghostcom wrote:
Wait until tonight before you freak out - no matter what you can't really do anything right now. The ball is on her part of the court. However, being slow to reply might mean that she is hesitating or might just mean that she is trying to keep you on your toes and interested. I would guess the latter from what you have said.
EDIT: Also, kiss her, don't go for the hug. Friends hug. Couples kiss.
First of all, thank you!
Saw her today - for like 5 mins, because I had to work and she was leaving - by default rather than by design, as soon as we had 2 minutes alone she came to me, hugged me from behind and told me that she definitively wants to go out for sushi but is still not sure whether she has time on saturday ... so I would say that the odds, that she´ll agree, are long.
Like I said pretty difficult to understand her. :-/
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JoeCool, STOP OVERTHINKING!!!!! She is showing signs that it's okay. So just relax and believe that it actually is okay, and go do shit that you like. Tell her something like "ahhh thats a bummer, then its your turn to pick a date for sushi, I'm really excited as well!!!".
Also, she hugs you, thats nice. She probably does not mind touching you which basically means that youre not revolting. Dont go thinking in all kind of "what if then else, could I have done better". And dont listen to the things like "Friends Hug, Lovers Kiss". Sure you gotta make a move, but just follow the flow. Like, hold her hand when you want to, take her along where you want to, and yes when saying goodbye, dont do the quick friends hug but actually try to kiss her, IF YOU WANT TO. But dont go thinking stuff like Hug Bad Kiss Good. It will just make you tense, will probably fuck up the moment, and it will turn you into a self hating wreck.
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F*** myself. Yesterday night I went to this club and I started doing my thing (faking that I'm from Florida: my english is good and people here are terrible so they always fall for my tricks) and a girl was absolutely flattered. At a certain point she turned towards her friend and said 'I'm in love with him, I'm going home with him tonight'. A huge grin appeared on my face and we kept on dancing etc. Then, I DON'T KNOW WHY, at a certain point I went to grab a drink and when I came back she moved away o.o like if I went near her, she would go to the other side of the room. Few minutes later she left.
WTF? Damn me, I should have acted quicker 
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EPT
