EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 456
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
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purecarnagge
719 Posts
On April 10 2014 17:53 jrkirby wrote: I think I might be having a bit of luck with this one girl. A couple weeks ago she was in a public room where I was playing piano (a totally casual thing, not like a concert or anything). We'd met before that, but not really gotten to know each other. Then last week we were passing each other in the hallway and she started talking to me about my piano playing. She walked away and I said to my friend: "Well at least my piano playing is getting me somewhere with girls for once." And my friend is like: "Maybe you should've gotten her number." I'm thinking, duh, I'm such an idiot, it'll probably be another week before I see her again. But then she walks back for some reason, and I get her number. Thank you, bro. I text her that saturday morning asking her if she's busy. When I get no reply all day I get a bit dissapointed, but around midnight she texts me back inviting me to a flower show on sunday. So I go to that, and we hang out with a mutual friend, get holi paint on our faces and clothes, and have fun. After that, we (just me and her) go to a music building on campus. There's a piano rehersal going on, and she is loving it. We listen to that for a while and I show her an organ (musical instrument, get your mind out of the gutter) that I found in that building, and play a bit for her. She has homework to do though, so we walk back to the CS building together. So it seems like she's kinda into me. Maybe. I'm a terrible judge of these things. I haven't asked her to do anything else with me yet, I think I will tomorrow morning. She's so amazingly cute though. If she likes me like I think she likes me, I'm a pretty lucky dude. + Show Spoiler + Like always, I'm not really looking for advice here. Just want to vent. I mean, if you want to give me advice, go ahead, but I don't take advice I read on the internet too seriously. Also glad to see this thread is at least slightly better since the mod note. I wish everybody posted stuff like this instead of debating the right way to woo women. You've done more stuff that my ex wife would have tried to drag me to that I always got out of in one weekend then my 10 year relationship. You need to make a move or be more direct or something! Unless she's just totally artsy, music/art etc, those people are like 100x harder to read then normal people. | ||
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Lipko
Hungary22 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + I am bit confused and don't know what do to. There is a girl I know for 2 years. Back in the day I asked her out to a date but she refused as she was in a relationship so we both moved on. Over the years we talked many times and became very good friends (she is the closest friend I ever had so far). Last Tuesday around 2am she called me, she was crying and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. She woke me up, I was half-asleep and barely remembered anything next morning until she called again and asked me if I remember anything. I remembered something so she explained the whole situation. The same day around midday she called again if I have some free time to have lunch together. I had so we had a lunch together, talked a lot, she was confused and somewhat sad, not a great company at all. After we finished the meal she asked if I can accompany her to her place. I said yes since I had nothing to do that day and her place was just a 5 min walk away. There she asked me if I can go up to her flat, around that time I was getting suspicious she might be up to something. Seeing she in that confused and saddening state, I refused because it just felt wrong at that time. I haven't thought about her as a partner since she refused my date up until this point. Later that day she texted me and asked me out to a movie Wednesday night. I agreed to that and we had an awesome night, she was feeling much better that day. After the movie we went on our way and she didn't ask me to go up to her place. Since then we talked often, she is feeling better and better as the days go by but she still says she is somewhat mourning his past relationship. When is it appropriate to ask her out on a date again? I feel somewhat confused about her nowadays, don't really know what to do and starting to think more and more about her as a possible partner. Two weeks ago I got my shit together and asked her out on a date. She rejected me as she has no interest in me as a boyfriend but this whole thing was somehow relieving for me. We rarely talked since then but she thinks the same, it was obvious to her that I have interest in her for a long time but she didn't have the courage to ask me and make things clear between us. But since then she feels terrible, she thinks that she lost her boyfriend and a good friend(me) and it makes me feel bad too that I have made things worse for her(however I do not regret that I asked her out, rather this than the uncertainty). I just simply miss her as we usually met weekly but nowadays we talk rarely. It is a kind of duality, I feel good that I had the courage to ask her but on the other hand I may fked up the best friendship in my life so far. Guess we have to work hard to restore the friendship we had before this. | ||
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WonnaPlay
Netherlands912 Posts
On April 15 2014 16:26 Lipko wrote: Backstory + Show Spoiler + I am bit confused and don't know what do to. There is a girl I know for 2 years. Back in the day I asked her out to a date but she refused as she was in a relationship so we both moved on. Over the years we talked many times and became very good friends (she is the closest friend I ever had so far). Last Tuesday around 2am she called me, she was crying and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. She woke me up, I was half-asleep and barely remembered anything next morning until she called again and asked me if I remember anything. I remembered something so she explained the whole situation. The same day around midday she called again if I have some free time to have lunch together. I had so we had a lunch together, talked a lot, she was confused and somewhat sad, not a great company at all. After we finished the meal she asked if I can accompany her to her place. I said yes since I had nothing to do that day and her place was just a 5 min walk away. There she asked me if I can go up to her flat, around that time I was getting suspicious she might be up to something. Seeing she in that confused and saddening state, I refused because it just felt wrong at that time. I haven't thought about her as a partner since she refused my date up until this point. Later that day she texted me and asked me out to a movie Wednesday night. I agreed to that and we had an awesome night, she was feeling much better that day. After the movie we went on our way and she didn't ask me to go up to her place. Since then we talked often, she is feeling better and better as the days go by but she still says she is somewhat mourning his past relationship. When is it appropriate to ask her out on a date again? I feel somewhat confused about her nowadays, don't really know what to do and starting to think more and more about her as a possible partner. Two weeks ago I got my shit together and asked her out on a date. She rejected me as she has no interest in me as a boyfriend but this whole thing was somehow relieving for me. We rarely talked since then but she thinks the same, it was obvious to her that I have interest in her for a long time but she didn't have the courage to ask me and make things clear between us. But since then she feels terrible, she thinks that she lost her boyfriend and a good friend(me) and it makes me feel bad too that I have made things worse for her(however I do not regret that I asked her out, rather this than the uncertainty). I just simply miss her as we usually met weekly but nowadays we talk rarely. It is a kind of duality, I feel good that I had the courage to ask her but on the other hand I may fked up the best friendship in my life so far. Guess we have to work hard to restore the friendship we had before this. Hey, if you really feel like this, you should tell her. Honestly, what can go wrong if you do? You mention you already feel like you're losing her as a friend, so why not try? Since you asked her, she thinks you're in love with her and judging from this story, maybe you are. You have to reflect on yourself and see if you're really in love with her, or if you reallyy see her as a friend. This is very important for a number of reasons. So take a day or 2 to think about this : - If you are in love with her, you should (IMO) take a break from her and try to get over her. Prolonging your love for her which will never be answered (judging from the story, this just isn't going to happen) can only be bad for both you and her. - If you decide you really see her as a friend, you should tell her. As it is, the friendship is already rocky because of what happened, but I think if you'd open up to her and tell her why you did it and why you were confused. I'm pretty sure she'll have a laugh with you about it. If she can't get over this bump, she's not a great friend at all anyways. - If you really don't know whether you're in love or not. I'd say you probably are for the time being. Just leave it be for a while and contact her later again (month or 2). Chances are you know by then what you feel and you can act accordingly. Hell you might even meet a new chick in the meantime. I've had a little bit of a similar situation with my best friend. Where at one moment I thought I was in love with her, but I wasn't. I just hadn't met a new girl for a while and then you tend to look closer to you, just because you're horny or whatever. Also friends around me were pushing me into her direction because they said we would be cute together. However when I went to hang out with her as a 'date', i quickly realized that i'd only want to get in her pants was because she's hot, not because i had romantic feelings. So that was the end of that, because this friendship is about 1000x more important to me, than having a 1-time bang with her. She's been my very valuable wing-woman ever since  | ||
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darthfoley
United States8001 Posts
Being in love is pretty awesome if it's reciprocated | ||
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crazyweasel
607 Posts
On April 13 2014 04:54 Chocolate wrote: There was this really cute girl at an after-party that I went to. Unfortunately, I was in a bit of an altered state and she wasn't (and she left early), so I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by putting the moves on her or anything. I don't think I only thought she was cute due to the state I was in, because I remember thinking she was cute before anything happened. I say she is "cute" and not hot because she also seems to have a quiet personality and I know she is pretty smart. She knows who I am and just a little about me, but not much. Basically I'm wondering if I should ask one of my friends for her number (I don't have it) so I can text her and tell her that she's cute and that I wish she had stayed so I could talk to her, or if that's considered inappropriate and creepy. nothing wrong with that but that might also indicate some type of relationship. by that I mean that text messaging is almost the only way fuckbuddies communicate. if you want more than that I suggest that you ask her out on a date in person. | ||
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aksfjh
United States4853 Posts
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WonnaPlay
Netherlands912 Posts
On April 16 2014 01:00 aksfjh wrote: About to end things with the current girl I'm with. It's been an open relationship from the start (December), but I developed stronger feelings for her than she did for me. I can't do this with a girl that wants it to remain open. It really really sucks, because I know she's amazing and we want to be together, but she doesn't want to make the "sacrifice/commitment." Half of me wants to be with her still and hope things change, and the other half knows better. It's really a "pick your poison" scenario, no matter what I choose to do, it's going to hurt a lot... Don't end it too hard, once you tell her that you want to end this because of how you feel, she might care more for you than you may think  Alot of the times girls act much tougher than they are, basically just like us guys, only in a different manner.. Where we have 'bragging' guys like JudicatorHammurabi (no offense to him, just making a point). Girls sometimes act like they don't care and act like they want to be in an open relationship, whilst secretly they're* crazy in love with you. Sacrifice and Commitment are 2 shit words which are a great defense to avoid relationships, but be honest. You've "been" with her for over 5 months. It's impossible that there are no feelings at all. *edit: can't believe i typed their instead of they're. | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
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Monsen
Germany2548 Posts
On April 16 2014 02:37 WonnaPlay wrote: Don't end it too hard, once you tell her that you want to end this because of how you feel, she might care more for you than you may think Alot of the times girls act much tougher than they are, basically just like us guys, only in a different manner.. Where we have 'bragging' guys like JudicatorHammurabi (no offense to him, just making a point). Girls sometimes act like they don't care and act like they want to be in an open relationship, whilst secretly they're* crazy in love with you. Sacrifice and Commitment are 2 shit words which are a great defense to avoid relationships, but be honest. You've "been" with her for over 5 months. It's impossible that there are no feelings at all. *edit: can't believe i typed their instead of they're. Doubtful. Sounds a bit like soppy dreaming to me, no offense. The only thing we know is that she's a girl that wanted an open relationship from the start. And just like with guys there are some girls that are not that much into a commited relationship (just like the guy from your example, JudicatorHammurabi). | ||
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aksfjh
United States4853 Posts
On April 16 2014 02:37 WonnaPlay wrote: Don't end it too hard, once you tell her that you want to end this because of how you feel, she might care more for you than you may think Alot of the times girls act much tougher than they are, basically just like us guys, only in a different manner.. Where we have 'bragging' guys like JudicatorHammurabi (no offense to him, just making a point). Girls sometimes act like they don't care and act like they want to be in an open relationship, whilst secretly they're* crazy in love with you. Sacrifice and Commitment are 2 shit words which are a great defense to avoid relationships, but be honest. You've "been" with her for over 5 months. It's impossible that there are no feelings at all. *edit: can't believe i typed their instead of they're. I've been over it enough with her to know that she won't fight it because she has said time and time again that she still wants to "see what's out there" and that's her primary focus right now. The only possibility that ends in us being together is one over the long term after we've been apart for a few weeks or months and she realizes what was given up. I can't wait around for that realistically, though, nor will I attempt to. I just don't know how well I can do without her at this point. On April 16 2014 02:43 Kleinmuuhg wrote: I dont know.... getting serious with someone who clearly is into open relationships. personally i would have trust issues there Not like I have to defend her, but she was with one guy for a long time and just wanted to date around a bit for now. I don't doubt her seriousness with a real relationship, but that's not what she wants. I thought maybe that was changing with the way we were together, but it hasn't so far. | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
On April 16 2014 00:42 crazyweasel wrote: nothing wrong with that but that might also indicate some type of relationship. by that I mean that text messaging is almost the only way fuckbuddies communicate. if you want more than that I suggest that you ask her out on a date in person. Ehhh we're both somewhat young and I don't think she is very experienced so being fuckbuddies is probably not what she would have in mind if I did so anyway. I ended up deciding not to text her, instead I'm hanging out with some friends this weekend that run around in the same general group that she does. Come to think of it, there really isn't that much of a point in getting into a relationship with her since we will both go our separate ways in four months. The best case scenario is summer girlfriend -> breakup where I say "I really like you but don't want to do the long distance thing, but if we're ever both single and in the same area, let me know" and that isn't really ideal. She's exceedingly rich though, so maybe it could be worth it Sorry that sounds like I'm bragging. But it would be nice to be a trophy husband, I guess | ||
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purecarnagge
719 Posts
On April 16 2014 05:08 Chocolate wrote: Ehhh we're both somewhat young and I don't think she is very experienced so being fuckbuddies is probably not what she would have in mind if I did so anyway. I ended up deciding not to text her, instead I'm hanging out with some friends this weekend that run around in the same general group that she does. Come to think of it, there really isn't that much of a point in getting into a relationship with her since we will both go our separate ways in four months. The best case scenario is summer girlfriend -> breakup where I say "I really like you but don't want to do the long distance thing, but if we're ever both single and in the same area, let me know" and that isn't really ideal. She's exceedingly rich though, so maybe it could be worth it Sorry that sounds like I'm bragging. But it would be nice to be a trophy husband, I guess So now that we have established your willing to prostitute yourself, she only has to negotiate the price. jk jk In all seriousness the whole summer g/f thing is overrated. Summer is suppose to be party it up and meet a new girl every week and have an awesome time doing it! | ||
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aksfjh
United States4853 Posts
On April 16 2014 02:48 aksfjh wrote: I've been over it enough with her to know that she won't fight it because she has said time and time again that she still wants to "see what's out there" and that's her primary focus right now. The only possibility that ends in us being together is one over the long term after we've been apart for a few weeks or months and she realizes what was given up. I can't wait around for that realistically, though, nor will I attempt to. I just don't know how well I can do without her at this point. Not like I have to defend her, but she was with one guy for a long time and just wanted to date around a bit for now. I don't doubt her seriousness with a real relationship, but that's not what she wants. I thought maybe that was changing with the way we were together, but it hasn't so far. Just an update on this. We ended it, despite having a wonderful evening together. We talked about it all soon after I got to her place. She admitted that the open relationship aspect was hard for her as well, that she felt bad whenever she went on a date with another guy. That's ultimately what she wants right now though, to "see what's out there" before getting in another relationship. After that, I stuck around for a bit and we ended up eating and watching a movie together, and got a bit intimate. Then I left and now it's over. I'm somewhat at a loss of what to do now though. It's not like I'm mad at her or that she means any less to me, nor is she anything but sweet and friendly to me. Somehow I'm supposed to just "move on" though. It doesn't even feel like everything has really ended. | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
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12gage
United States14 Posts
A few weeks ago I met this girl and we talked and by the end of the day I had her number and we talked and a week later i asked her to go out on a date with me and she agreed. So first date went wrong, went to the bowling alley and couldn´t get a lane so we went out for ice cream and we sat in the car and talked and talked. So when we time came to say good bye she said she liked me and she said she liked me from the moment she saw me and i took the initiative and asked if i could steal a kiss from her and she said yes so i took the chance. So later that night we txted and she said she would come over the next day so we could take a walk and talk some more and so we did. 5 Days later i went to Germany for 11 days and we continued talking and even skyped so i thought no problem this is going great. So i come back from germany and she says she wants to see me but like the next day she says she cant come over and starts dodging me and so call her instead of txting her and she says she cnt right now she is busy and cnt talk and i ask if i can call later that night and she agrees but she never picked up her phone. So i decided to end it by not going to txt her anymore and stuff, but now i wanted to know if I did anything wrong. So go ahead and think and say what i did wrong or not. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On April 17 2014 23:31 aksfjh wrote: Just an update on this. We ended it, despite having a wonderful evening together. We talked about it all soon after I got to her place. She admitted that the open relationship aspect was hard for her as well, that she felt bad whenever she went on a date with another guy. That's ultimately what she wants right now though, to "see what's out there" before getting in another relationship. After that, I stuck around for a bit and we ended up eating and watching a movie together, and got a bit intimate. Then I left and now it's over. I'm somewhat at a loss of what to do now though. It's not like I'm mad at her or that she means any less to me, nor is she anything but sweet and friendly to me. Somehow I'm supposed to just "move on" though. It doesn't even feel like everything has really ended. Been in that situation, I'm sorry man. It sucks, but it all ends up for the best. Just don't think about ending up with her/planning to end up with her and your chances of enjoying yourself and actually getting whatever result you want will increase exponentially. So what you do now is simple. You focus on yourself. You do whatever you think you need to better yourself in any aspect you feel needs changing. Also, don't panty chase for a while, give it like a month and you'll feel much better when flirting around and stuff. Not to say you shouldn't flirt or not take opportunities presented, but you definitely shouldn't go out of your way for it right now. | ||
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12gage
United States14 Posts
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aksfjh
United States4853 Posts
On April 20 2014 11:08 docvoc wrote: Been in that situation, I'm sorry man. It sucks, but it all ends up for the best. Just don't think about ending up with her/planning to end up with her and your chances of enjoying yourself and actually getting whatever result you want will increase exponentially. So what you do now is simple. You focus on yourself. You do whatever you think you need to better yourself in any aspect you feel needs changing. Also, don't panty chase for a while, give it like a month and you'll feel much better when flirting around and stuff. Not to say you shouldn't flirt or not take opportunities presented, but you definitely shouldn't go out of your way for it right now. That's basically the plan. We still talk, but I'm trying to tone that down a bit as well. I still have hope we'll end up together, but that won't go away until I see clear signs that she doesn't want to be with me (I'm still getting mixed signals). I can't control that part of me very well. I started up cycling again, although that probably would have happened with or without her with the warmer weather, but it helps distract me at least. There are a couple of girls that are interested in me right now, but I'm not going give into that. I don't think I'll be over her until late summer or early fall, so any girl in between will just be a rebound (unless it's an extremely special case). I can't do that to a girl. | ||
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