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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 08 2014 18:09 aTnClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On April 08 2014 17:23 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:On April 08 2014 16:32 WarSame wrote:On April 08 2014 14:15 Thereisnosaurus wrote:All that would've been solved if you just told her it was your first time. She would've understood it wasn't your fault and you were just utter crap in bed and probably given you time to learn! Do you really think it'd be worth the effort? Someone who ditches a new partner after a mediocre first time in bed is probably really not worth holding onto. They're not willing to put in any effort or patience for you, so chances are all they'll do is use you. Maybe she had better options, and didn't want to waste time after finding out what they were like in bed? Or maybe additionally she's like lots of people who treat a one-night stand as a one-night stand, and not like extended-term fuck buddies, no matter how great the sex was or anything else. Yeah sure. If you have great sex you definitely don't want to repeat the experience.
It's easy to find someone else good and repeat the experience. Just saying, bro. I know that from personal experience.
In addition, you usually don't want to see girls a second or further time, especially if you're good, because then they start getting a bit clingy like they think it's some sort of relationship-in-the-making haha. There's a whole mess of things you don't necessarily want to get into when you're doing lots of business. Even from girls' side, I've had girls complain to me that so-and-so dude has "feelings" for her after she continued bothering to talk to him after a one-night stand when she has no intent of anything more, even if it was great sex (because she can get that from tons of new people too lol, and without the baggage of past encounters). I've had similar things happen myself, but I'm good at vanishing from such a scene. Usually had new business by the time that happened anyways :S. If you have the ability to create options and you aren't interested in one single fbuddy and a whole host of issues and drama, that's what finding new people saves you from.
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On April 08 2014 18:19 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:Show nested quote +On April 08 2014 18:09 aTnClouD wrote:
Yeah sure. If you have great sex you definitely don't want to repeat the experience. It's easy to find someone else good and repeat the experience. Just saying, bro. I know that from personal experience. In addition, you usually don't want to see girls a second or further time, especially if you're good, because then they start getting a bit clingy like they think it's some sort of relationship-in-the-making haha. There's a whole mess of things you don't necessarily want to get into when you're doing lots of business. Even from girls' side, I've had girls complain to me that so-and-so dude has "feelings" for her after she continued bothering to talk to him after a one-night stand when she has no intent of anything more, even if it was great sex (because she can get that from tons of new people too lol, and without the baggage of past encounters). I've had similar things happen myself, but I'm good at vanishing from such a scene. Usually had new business by the time that happened anyways :S. If you have the ability to create options and you aren't interested in one single fbuddy and a whole host of issues and drama, that's what finding new people saves you from.
There's so much hilarious shit in this post that I don't know where to start.
1. Fucking feelings into women
2. Don't want to see women you have sex with more than once because of #1
3. Therefore awkward first-time sex forever
4. Calling sex "business." Way to depersonalize it. Is sex too scary for you? Is that why you call it "business?" Idgi.
Why would anyone want to have awkward first-time sex all the time? I've never understood that. Surely a long-term fuck buddy who understands and respects your boundaries wrt relationships would be preferable. That way you can have awesome sex and you don't have to teach someone what you like and don't like repeatedly.
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I can count the people I know with long term regular fuck buddies (6 months+) on one hand, plain and simply because sex builds an emotional connection. If you don't know exactly what you're doing most casual sexual relationships end in either a relationship or a broken heart for one of the people involved.
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On April 08 2014 22:31 Calanthe wrote:Show nested quote +On April 08 2014 18:19 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:On April 08 2014 18:09 aTnClouD wrote:
Yeah sure. If you have great sex you definitely don't want to repeat the experience. It's easy to find someone else good and repeat the experience. Just saying, bro. I know that from personal experience. In addition, you usually don't want to see girls a second or further time, especially if you're good, because then they start getting a bit clingy like they think it's some sort of relationship-in-the-making haha. There's a whole mess of things you don't necessarily want to get into when you're doing lots of business. Even from girls' side, I've had girls complain to me that so-and-so dude has "feelings" for her after she continued bothering to talk to him after a one-night stand when she has no intent of anything more, even if it was great sex (because she can get that from tons of new people too lol, and without the baggage of past encounters). I've had similar things happen myself, but I'm good at vanishing from such a scene. Usually had new business by the time that happened anyways :S. If you have the ability to create options and you aren't interested in one single fbuddy and a whole host of issues and drama, that's what finding new people saves you from. There's so much hilarious shit in this post that I don't know where to start. 1. Fucking feelings into women 2. Don't want to see women you have sex with more than once because of #1 3. Therefore awkward first-time sex forever4. Calling sex "business." Way to depersonalize it. Is sex too scary for you? Is that why you call it "business?" Idgi. Why would anyone want to have awkward first-time sex all the time? I've never understood that. Surely a long-term fuck buddy who understands and respects your boundaries wrt relationships would be preferable. That way you can have awesome sex and you don't have to teach someone what you like and don't like repeatedly.
Your whole post is based on the assumption that first-time sex is awkward, and even then if it doesn't make much sense. But it's awkward if you're extremely inexperienced and shy about it I guess. It never really felt awkward for me. But otherwise, your post is shit. Thanks for the laughs, dude :D Theorycrafting is nice I'll give you that, but when people like r.Evo chime in (as he just did, and what he says is something that happens A LOT; specifically "If you don't know exactly what you're doing most casual sexual relationships end in either a relationship or a broken heart for one of the people involved."), or what I'm saying from lots of experience, it's best you maybe listen instead of being an asshole.
And nah, it's usually out of habit, because I'm often with a buddy or two among people where you absolutely can't talk like you're in a frat house with your bros. In any case, I'd suggest getting some sex to start with before trying to make hilarious assumptions about other people. 
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On April 08 2014 10:23 BoX wrote:
I'm not saying he's right and she's wrong.. I'm not assigning blame because there's just not enough information to know who was right or wrong, when it went wrong, who made it go wrong, etc.
All I can see from this is that she's not interested, and he should simply move on to other prospects (even if there are none at the moment). In life, people will do things for various reasons which you will not always be privy to or understand. And sometimes they just don't care to explain shit. All you can say is, hey girl, what's the deal? I'm not really following the drift here, but whatevs. Call me when you wanna hang out, k? Cya.
This way you're not being rude, assumptive, aggressive, annoying, or what have you. You're just accepting the situation for what it is, leaving the ball in her court and moving on. Dwelling on a situation like this is useless, that's what I was saying by have more pride. You simply can't control how other people behave and sometimes you won't get the chance to understand it.. Hardnosed or not, you simply need to develop experience and this is how experience is developed, by experiencing.. I've been where you are and thought how you're thinking. In time you'll develop game sense and when a zerg techs directly to lair and takes 4 gasses, you'll know mutas are coming without having to scan the mutas, but that knowledge only develops after you get muta'd.
Ah, now I remember which "minor" part of the puzzle I forgot to mention: we are actually friends, or to be precise, been in a friendish relationship. You reminded me with the bolded part, because the problem with that would be that we either do not talk after that soft ultimatum, or we do and it look silly. Like, walking into the rain, my last words are "call me if you wanna hang out!", I even take on my glasses, than the next day we just keep chatting.
On April 08 2014 15:51 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On April 08 2014 09:01 Volband wrote:On April 08 2014 08:27 r.Evo wrote:
Did you literally send her a list saying "I'm available the 10th, 14th and 19th, but for the 19th only between 6 and 10 pm"? And she said "None of those work for me" and then you started asking how she could possible know she has no time at the 19th?
It's so literal you almost got the days right, lol. But tell me, what am I supposed to do, when I ask her if she's still interested in dating --> she says yes --> I tell her which days would be good for me ---> she's unrescheduleably busy on them all, except for 30 mins. All right, so I was disrespectful, for not accepting silently her huge "no", but let me plead for a re-evauation, since the whole thing started with her saying yes. You don't just say yes to be nice. This is confusing. And yes, I definetly make all the wrong moves socially. Be confident. But not rude. Don't be a tool though. You are too nice. You are a jerk. Be straightforward. You asked for too much. Move On. Don't assume it's totally over. You know, I feel dumb when I switch into "ok, it's over" mode, but I feel the same with the "let's not leave it at that" mode. I tried to be nicer with people, but somehow I still end up either arguing or (apparently) hurting them. (Let's start at the point where you're like "Yo wanna date?" and she's like "Yo, sure!" - Personally I hate calling dates "dates" but if it works for you, all fine.) Cookie-cutter: Give her a specific date and time. "Hey, wanna do x at y 'o clock on z?" (Personally I'd use "Hey, I want to do x at y 'o clock on z, wanna join me?" - again, preference). If she now says "Welp, sorry, that doesn't work for me." there are two things we can do: a) Suggest another date. If she also doesn't have time for us there (completely irrelevant if that's made up or for real) we will look like a dumbass if we keep this chain going. b) Depending on the girl after the first or second suggestion (the more.. outgoing and the less shy the quicker I'd do this) tell her something along the lines of "Alright, you're hard to get. You're taking care of our date now. What are we doing when?" The beauty of this is that you're retaining a leading position, take responsibility off her while also forcing her to invest if she wants to continue while in the former case you look weaker and weaker the more you keep throwing random dates out. If she's hesitant at this point get out cleanly and firmly among the lines of "Damn. I gotta admit I really thought you're cute/I really liked you/whateverfloatsyourboat and I'm a bit sad that you don't see this the same way. Either way, cool meeting you and maybe we'll see each other around." Be nice about it. This isn't a "and maybe pls pls I'll ask again tomorrow anyway", this is a clear cut. If you get a "OMG NO NO NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT OMG" here, it's still on. If you don't I would, depending on how high I'd value the girl, consider giving her a call after 2-3 weeks to see if I can get another shot at it. If she doesn't return that, next.
Yeah, I got quite lazy with listing those dates, but I fucked myself, because I can't propose those days normally now.
Plan b) is awesome though because it not only passes her the ball (you can still be desperate and wait for an eternity), but it forces her an immidiate response. Maybe she can't give a concrete date, only something along the lines of "2 weeks from now I should have some free time, I can be sure around next week!". But if - as you said - she's like "I dunno, I'm reaaally busy, I have this and that, and it's gonna drag onto next month, then [blahblah]...", it's clear as day.
Now all I need is a time machine.
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On April 09 2014 04:54 Volband wrote:Show nested quote +On April 08 2014 10:23 BoX wrote:
I'm not saying he's right and she's wrong.. I'm not assigning blame because there's just not enough information to know who was right or wrong, when it went wrong, who made it go wrong, etc.
All I can see from this is that she's not interested, and he should simply move on to other prospects (even if there are none at the moment). In life, people will do things for various reasons which you will not always be privy to or understand. And sometimes they just don't care to explain shit. All you can say is, hey girl, what's the deal? I'm not really following the drift here, but whatevs. Call me when you wanna hang out, k? Cya.
This way you're not being rude, assumptive, aggressive, annoying, or what have you. You're just accepting the situation for what it is, leaving the ball in her court and moving on. Dwelling on a situation like this is useless, that's what I was saying by have more pride. You simply can't control how other people behave and sometimes you won't get the chance to understand it.. Hardnosed or not, you simply need to develop experience and this is how experience is developed, by experiencing.. I've been where you are and thought how you're thinking. In time you'll develop game sense and when a zerg techs directly to lair and takes 4 gasses, you'll know mutas are coming without having to scan the mutas, but that knowledge only develops after you get muta'd. Ah, now I remember which "minor" part of the puzzle I forgot to mention: we are actually friends, or to be precise, been in a friendish relationship. You reminded me with the bolded part, because the problem with that would be that we either do not talk after that soft ultimatum, or we do and it look silly. Like, walking into the rain, my last words are "call me if you wanna hang out!", I even take on my glasses, than the next day we just keep chatting.
Ok here's the deal, you've been friendzoned. She's giving you mixed signals because she likes you as a brother, but not anything more. Ultimatums are dumb. You don't need to cut her off completely, but you don't need to be so readily available. Date other women, and don't respond and pester her with texts/calls all the time.
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On April 09 2014 04:37 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:Show nested quote +On April 08 2014 22:31 Calanthe wrote:On April 08 2014 18:19 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:On April 08 2014 18:09 aTnClouD wrote:
Yeah sure. If you have great sex you definitely don't want to repeat the experience. It's easy to find someone else good and repeat the experience. Just saying, bro. I know that from personal experience. In addition, you usually don't want to see girls a second or further time, especially if you're good, because then they start getting a bit clingy like they think it's some sort of relationship-in-the-making haha. There's a whole mess of things you don't necessarily want to get into when you're doing lots of business. Even from girls' side, I've had girls complain to me that so-and-so dude has "feelings" for her after she continued bothering to talk to him after a one-night stand when she has no intent of anything more, even if it was great sex (because she can get that from tons of new people too lol, and without the baggage of past encounters). I've had similar things happen myself, but I'm good at vanishing from such a scene. Usually had new business by the time that happened anyways :S. If you have the ability to create options and you aren't interested in one single fbuddy and a whole host of issues and drama, that's what finding new people saves you from. There's so much hilarious shit in this post that I don't know where to start. 1. Fucking feelings into women 2. Don't want to see women you have sex with more than once because of #1 3. Therefore awkward first-time sex forever4. Calling sex "business." Way to depersonalize it. Is sex too scary for you? Is that why you call it "business?" Idgi. Why would anyone want to have awkward first-time sex all the time? I've never understood that. Surely a long-term fuck buddy who understands and respects your boundaries wrt relationships would be preferable. That way you can have awesome sex and you don't have to teach someone what you like and don't like repeatedly. Your whole post is based on the assumption that first-time sex is awkward, and even then if it doesn't make much sense. But it's awkward if you're extremely inexperienced and shy about it I guess. It never really felt awkward for me. But otherwise, your post is shit. Thanks for the laughs, dude :D Theorycrafting is nice I'll give you that, but when people like r.Evo chime in (as he just did, and what he says is something that happens A LOT; specifically "If you don't know exactly what you're doing most casual sexual relationships end in either a relationship or a broken heart for one of the people involved."), or what I'm saying from lots of experience, it's best you maybe listen instead of being an asshole. And nah, it's usually out of habit, because I'm often with a buddy or two among people where you absolutely can't talk like you're in a frat house with your bros. In any case, I'd suggest getting some sex to start with before trying to make hilarious assumptions about other people.
we get it ,
you much sex you awesome. now stop baiting
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Sex with long time fuck buddies / girlfriends has always been incomparably better for me then one night stands. Not that its awkward like blushing and mumbling but more like "not so hard" "wait a sec" "no i don't really like that possition" "don't tug so hard on those" from bother sides. Not to mention it seems pretty obvious to me that if you practice trying to make someone feel good, while learning more about them, you will obviously be better at it over time.
There have been fuck buddies where we did our business for over a year without any attachment then went our separate ways. sometimes after a month or so one of us would get attached, bring our feelings in the air and since they weren't reciprocated we would go our separate ways. or they were reciprocated and we dated. Never has having casual sex led someone to be so crazily attached to me that it inconvenienced my life in anyway other than a conversation. Unless you are picking up fuck buddies at the halfway house for crazy ex-murderers I really don't think you have much to worry about having sex with someone more than 1 time. if its good sex why would you avoid it out of fear of making them like you? If you don't like them and they are being "clingy" the obvious solution to that problem is to talk to them -> problem solved.
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On April 08 2014 13:32 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 08 2014 13:21 Fumanchu wrote:
"Don't make jokes about your shortcomings"
Really wish I heard this when I was a virgin. My first time, I didn't tell the girl I was a virgin and I didn't last very long, much to her obvious disappointment. Later I managed to make her cum via oral and fingers, at which point I remarked, "Heh heh at least my fingers can do what my dick can't".
Never saw her again. All that would've been solved if you just told her it was your first time. She would've understood it wasn't your fault and you were just utter crap in bed and probably given you time to learn!
Yeah Idk why you didnt just tell her you were a virgin, I told the first girl i was, and she was just like whatever "i get to take someones vcard" basically, and it was like she didnt expect much but it still ended up being fun for us both lol
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On April 08 2014 13:21 Fumanchu wrote:
"Don't make jokes about your shortcomings"
Really wish I heard this when I was a virgin. My first time, I didn't tell the girl I was a virgin and I didn't last very long, much to her obvious disappointment. Later I managed to make her cum via oral and fingers, at which point I remarked, "Heh heh at least my fingers can do what my dick can't".
Never saw her again.
She probably faked the orgasm to get it over with and fled the scene.
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On April 09 2014 10:16 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On April 08 2014 13:21 Fumanchu wrote:
"Don't make jokes about your shortcomings"
Really wish I heard this when I was a virgin. My first time, I didn't tell the girl I was a virgin and I didn't last very long, much to her obvious disappointment. Later I managed to make her cum via oral and fingers, at which point I remarked, "Heh heh at least my fingers can do what my dick can't".
Never saw her again. She probably faked the orgasm to get it over with and fled the scene.
Got 'em
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On April 09 2014 10:38 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On April 09 2014 10:16 IgnE wrote:On April 08 2014 13:21 Fumanchu wrote:
"Don't make jokes about your shortcomings"
Really wish I heard this when I was a virgin. My first time, I didn't tell the girl I was a virgin and I didn't last very long, much to her obvious disappointment. Later I managed to make her cum via oral and fingers, at which point I remarked, "Heh heh at least my fingers can do what my dick can't".
Never saw her again. She probably faked the orgasm to get it over with and fled the scene. Got 'em
I bursted out laughing
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lol this thread >_<
the fact that it exists in its current state... is mind blowing...
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Yeah, it's taken a bit of nosedive. I'm only here for r.Evo and a few others' posts.
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On April 09 2014 13:26 WarSame wrote:
Yeah, it's taken a bit of nosedive. I'm only here for r.Evo and a few others' posts.
I only come here because reading about other people's problems make mine seem smaller. There's really only so much you can learn from a forum post; most learning needs to be learned hands on by making mistakes or just otherwise building up more experience.
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so I'm meeting my girlfriend's dad tomorrow. he's not biologically her father but he raised her. well, as much of raising as beating your stepdaughter with kitchen utensils and physically and emotionally tormenting her can be. She says he's changed since he stopped drinking and they've come a long way, which I believe, but I'm still really apprehensive about it. On one hand, she's not the kind of person to give any time to someone who doesn't deserve it, and if she says he's different now, I believe her, but I'm still going to have a hard time looking at the guy without thinking of what he did to her.... I'm going to be as nice as possible, but I'm still going to be very wary the whole time...
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On April 09 2014 15:46 LeeDawg wrote:
so I'm meeting my girlfriend's dad tomorrow. he's not biologically her father but he raised her. well, as much of raising as beating your stepdaughter with kitchen utensils and physically and emotionally tormenting her can be. She says he's changed since he stopped drinking and they've come a long way, which I believe, but I'm still really apprehensive about it. On one hand, she's not the kind of person to give any time to someone who doesn't deserve it, and if she says he's different now, I believe her, but I'm still going to have a hard time looking at the guy without thinking of what he did to her.... I'm going to be as nice as possible, but I'm still going to be very wary the whole time...
if he lips up, beat him to the ground
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On April 09 2014 13:26 WarSame wrote:
Yeah, it's taken a bit of nosedive. I'm only here for r.Evo and a few others' posts.
I used to like it but I'm really less active in it. There's not that much new comers and there are a lot of uninteresting (to me) conversation going on that I don't want to be a part of.
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You and I share that opinion. However, we probably can help shape this thread into something that would be useful/interesting again. Anyone got any ideas?
Also, side note: Just got a summer job at where I worked last summer, and the HR assistant who was at the meeting was smoking hot/cute! She looked a lot like Emma Watson.
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On April 10 2014 04:02 WarSame wrote:
You and I share that opinion. However, we probably can help shape this thread into something that would be useful/interesting again. Anyone got any ideas?
Also, side note: Just got a summer job at where I worked last summer, and the HR assistant who was at the meeting was smoking hot/cute! She looked a lot like Emma Watson.
I don't know, to me the thread is working when it goes like this:
Guy explain situation, ask for help/cheer/compassion
Other guys give their own advice or partake in the cheering/compassioning
Then follow ups.
When the thread starts to diverge from that having debates on something or worse lynching some guy, I'm not interested to partake and simply skip pages. Fact is, dating and sex is one of the grayest subject there is. With people from different background and having different beliefs it's almost impossible to convince your own beliefs are "better" or more "morally right", that's why I usually refrain from taking part (not always though). Sharing your own beliefs and their reasoning is fine (and sharing real experience), trying to impose them isn't.
And experience has shown the most heated debates have gone nowhere resulting in most of the mod note.
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EPT
