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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Koivusto
Finland542 Posts
4) Always focus on increasing your value. Personally I think this one is quite important here and not just during dating phase. If you happen to be already a part of longer relationship, you should avoid to get stuck with the feeling that "no need to improve". If dating is a market then long-term-relationship is a purchase and you should make sure that it is worthwhile to your special someone. Anyway great tip imo and nice insight. | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
Today she messages me saying that we should catch up over coffee + a hike (quite a sports girl) on facebook with standard flirty emoticons. Only had one girl reach out to me like that and let's just say she wasn't my type. Well... talk about awful timing... I'm leaving at the end of this month for a backpacking trip in Europe and won't be back for 1.5-2 years probably lol. I don't know if I would get serious with her regardless of the trip as I'm not sure if I would consider her relationship material. Looking back at some of her decisions from when I knew her in high school, maybe not, but people change a lot since then so who knows. I would still do her though :/ How's my luck? Not so great lol  | ||
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Ahzz
Finland780 Posts
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
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jrkirby
United States1510 Posts
Then last week we were passing each other in the hallway and she started talking to me about my piano playing. She walked away and I said to my friend: "Well at least my piano playing is getting me somewhere with girls for once." And my friend is like: "Maybe you should've gotten her number." I'm thinking, duh, I'm such an idiot, it'll probably be another week before I see her again. But then she walks back for some reason, and I get her number. Thank you, bro. I text her that saturday morning asking her if she's busy. When I get no reply all day I get a bit dissapointed, but around midnight she texts me back inviting me to a flower show on sunday. So I go to that, and we hang out with a mutual friend, get holi paint on our faces and clothes, and have fun. After that, we (just me and her) go to a music building on campus. There's a piano rehersal going on, and she is loving it. We listen to that for a while and I show her an organ (musical instrument, get your mind out of the gutter) that I found in that building, and play a bit for her. She has homework to do though, so we walk back to the CS building together. So it seems like she's kinda into me. Maybe. I'm a terrible judge of these things. I haven't asked her to do anything else with me yet, I think I will tomorrow morning. She's so amazingly cute though. If she likes me like I think she likes me, I'm a pretty lucky dude. + Show Spoiler + Like always, I'm not really looking for advice here. Just want to vent. I mean, if you want to give me advice, go ahead, but I don't take advice I read on the internet too seriously. Also glad to see this thread is at least slightly better since the mod note. I wish everybody posted stuff like this instead of debating the right way to woo women. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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jrkirby
United States1510 Posts
On April 10 2014 17:57 IgnE wrote: She's not as special as you think she is. Why isn't she lucky that you like her? She is. But I hope I'm lucky too. | ||
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Koivusto
Finland542 Posts
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
 - how long would you recommend to wait until you ask for a second one? Normally I would not waste much time, maybe one week at max, but the next days are going to be stressful for me. So theres not much time + it seems like whenever I have some time she has to work. Although there are some holidays around easter... On the other hand I do not want to keep her waiting/seem desinterested. | ||
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Deleted User 183001
2939 Posts
On April 10 2014 14:38 Grobyc wrote: There's this really cute girl who I had a couple dates/hangout sessions with a few years ago and by the time I went to kiss her she told me she had gotten back together with her ex-bf (who was/is a maaaaaaaaajor dickhead btw). Today she messages me saying that we should catch up over coffee + a hike (quite a sports girl) on facebook with standard flirty emoticons. Only had one girl reach out to me like that and let's just say she wasn't my type. Well... talk about awful timing... I'm leaving at the end of this month for a backpacking trip in Europe and won't be back for 1.5-2 years probably lol. I don't know if I would get serious with her regardless of the trip as I'm not sure if I would consider her relationship material. Looking back at some of her decisions from when I knew her in high school, maybe not, but people change a lot since then so who knows. I would still do her though :/ How's my luck? Not so great lol Honestly, there is absolutely no harm in going and hanging out with her. I know your situation, and it really blows. Even in a best-case scenario, I don't think you can make a relationship out of it considering your scenario of leaving soon **. But seriously, hikes are fun. Seeing old acquaintances is fun. Go for it . But the best thing you can do is look at the positives of the encounter, rather than looking at any possible negatives (like the impossibility of a relationship considering your situation). Otherwise, you'd probably end up a bit sad over it ** Yes, I've experienced something very similar, which is why your post caught my attention. I've lived in 4 cities in the past 2 years. It was impossible to have a real long-lasting relationship. + Show Spoiler + It's the #1 reason I was doing less admirable things during that time, until I got so sick of what I was doing that I ceded for a relationship soon after starting graduate school. However, my girlfriend is graduating and moving away sooner than expected (2 months!), nevermind we'd be separated practically the whole summer anyways. We are both fully aware of this, but I doubt either of us have come to grips with it. Sure, it will end on a good note, but it's still shitty. I have a ton of stories I could share, but one that really strikes me, is one of my friends who was in a relationship for 5-6 years ended up in a breakup when he moved to the other side of the country after graduating, and his girlfriend didn't have any plans to do the same. Oh, the sad things that distance does. | ||
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aTnClouD
Italy2428 Posts
On April 12 2014 17:48 JoeCool wrote: After a "successful" first date on thursday - she texted me like one hour after I left and told me that it was great - how long would you recommend to wait until you ask for a second one? Normally I would not waste much time, maybe one week at max, but the next days are going to be stressful for me. So theres not much time + it seems like whenever I have some time she has to work. Although there are some holidays around easter... On the other hand I do not want to keep her waiting/seem desinterested. You should do it as soon as you can. One week is ok, but don't wait too long. And remember to talk and be kind to her especially after sex | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
She knows who I am and just a little about me, but not much. Basically I'm wondering if I should ask one of my friends for her number (I don't have it) so I can text her and tell her that she's cute and that I wish she had stayed so I could talk to her, or if that's considered inappropriate and creepy. | ||
KwarK
United States42660 Posts
On April 13 2014 04:54 Chocolate wrote: There was this really cute girl at an after-party that I went to. Unfortunately, I was in a bit of an altered state and she wasn't (and she left early), so I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by putting the moves on her or anything. I don't think I only thought she was cute due to the state I was in, because I remember thinking she was cute before anything happened. I say she is "cute" and not hot because she also seems to have a quiet personality and I know she is pretty smart. She knows who I am and just a little about me, but not much. Basically I'm wondering if I should ask one of my friends for her number (I don't have it) so I can text her and tell her that she's cute and that I wish she had stayed so I could talk to her, or if that's considered inappropriate and creepy. As long as you don't keep bothering her if she doesn't reply or replies that she's not interested I don't see any harm in texting her out of the blue. | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
On April 13 2014 05:09 KwarK wrote: As long as you don't keep bothering her if she doesn't reply or replies that she's not interested I don't see any harm in texting her out of the blue. That's what I was thinking, but at the same time since she never formally gave me her number or anything I don't want her to think I'm a stalker or some shit. | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On April 10 2014 17:53 jrkirby wrote: I think I might be having a bit of luck with this one girl. A couple weeks ago she was in a public room where I was playing piano (a totally casual thing, not like a concert or anything). We'd met before that, but not really gotten to know each other. Then last week we were passing each other in the hallway and she started talking to me about my piano playing. She walked away and I said to my friend: "Well at least my piano playing is getting me somewhere with girls for once." And my friend is like: "Maybe you should've gotten her number." I'm thinking, duh, I'm such an idiot, it'll probably be another week before I see her again. But then she walks back for some reason, and I get her number. Thank you, bro. I text her that saturday morning asking her if she's busy. When I get no reply all day I get a bit dissapointed, but around midnight she texts me back inviting me to a flower show on sunday. So I go to that, and we hang out with a mutual friend, get holi paint on our faces and clothes, and have fun. After that, we (just me and her) go to a music building on campus. There's a piano rehersal going on, and she is loving it. We listen to that for a while and I show her an organ (musical instrument, get your mind out of the gutter) that I found in that building, and play a bit for her. She has homework to do though, so we walk back to the CS building together. So it seems like she's kinda into me. Maybe. I'm a terrible judge of these things. I haven't asked her to do anything else with me yet, I think I will tomorrow morning. She's so amazingly cute though. If she likes me like I think she likes me, I'm a pretty lucky dude. + Show Spoiler + Like always, I'm not really looking for advice here. Just want to vent. I mean, if you want to give me advice, go ahead, but I don't take advice I read on the internet too seriously. Also glad to see this thread is at least slightly better since the mod note. I wish everybody posted stuff like this instead of debating the right way to woo women. Hey baby, check out my organ. Sorry, that part was just awesome. | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
On April 12 2014 20:44 aTnClouD wrote: You should do it as soon as you can. One week is ok, but don't wait too long. And remember to talk and be kind to her especially after sex Did I mention that she is from Italy/has italian roots? So if it is true what you wrote about the italian girls and sex... well , let´s see what happens.^^ In case that is true: That would be no problem for me. Anyway, talked to her today for a few minutes at work - don´t know why she was there - and asked directly if she had time on friday. It was probably not the best way to ask her in front of a customer but I somehow felt that it would be better to ask her from face to face than via sms ... I did not get a "Yes" but a "We´ll talk about friday via phone". Which sucks, because: 1.) That sounds... negative? 2.) I hate messaging/talking via cellphone. I feel like my biggest problem is that I do not know if I am too intrusive or too cold/distant. In this case I would say that I´m definitely not too intusive because I rarely send her sms - one on saturday - but on the other hand... maybe asking her out again was too early. | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
On April 10 2014 14:38 Grobyc wrote: There's this really cute girl who I had a couple dates/hangout sessions with a few years ago and by the time I went to kiss her she told me she had gotten back together with her ex-bf (who was/is a maaaaaaaaajor dickhead btw). Today she messages me saying that we should catch up over coffee + a hike (quite a sports girl) on facebook with standard flirty emoticons. Only had one girl reach out to me like that and let's just say she wasn't my type. Well... talk about awful timing... I'm leaving at the end of this month for a backpacking trip in Europe and won't be back for 1.5-2 years probably lol. I don't know if I would get serious with her regardless of the trip as I'm not sure if I would consider her relationship material. Looking back at some of her decisions from when I knew her in high school, maybe not, but people change a lot since then so who knows. I would still do her though :/ How's my luck? Not so great lol Went on a hike with her Friday which was fine. She seemed pretty indicative of wanting to be more than friends whether she was aware of it or not. I told her about my trip, so she's aware of that. She asked me to hike another one with her that we did today. She's nice, and she's matured a bit more since high school for sure, but is still pretty flaky and definitely carries a trait or two from the stereotypical blonde (yes she is blonde) which is really unappealing. Just some of the stuff she says; sometimes she literally says "Like oh my gawddddd" strait from a chick flick. And I don't think she's just looking for fun or to be just friends. Pretty sure at this point she's the strict relationship type. Meh. At least the hikes themselves were enjoyable and had good views. | ||
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Nouar
France3270 Posts
DO NOT. No, no pic. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
On April 15 2014 06:50 Nouar wrote: Do NOT go out with girls who smoke pot and are 8 years younger than you, even if they are a fucking gorgeous top model and you are having (and making her have) the best sex of your life. It will not end well. (namely her fucking a guy while I'm in the plane back from vacation on the way to her place, having a "clean" breakup (finishing the weekend as sexfriends) and telling me one week afterwards I defiled her and abused her when she was stoned) DO NOT. No, no pic. Been there done that. Agreed 100%. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On April 15 2014 06:25 Grobyc wrote: Went on a hike with her Friday which was fine. She seemed pretty indicative of wanting to be more than friends whether she was aware of it or not. I told her about my trip, so she's aware of that. She asked me to hike another one with her that we did today. She's nice, and she's matured a bit more since high school for sure, but is still pretty flaky and definitely carries a trait or two from the stereotypical blonde (yes she is blonde) which is really unappealing. Just some of the stuff she says; sometimes she literally says "Like oh my gawddddd" strait from a chick flick. And I don't think she's just looking for fun or to be just friends. Pretty sure at this point she's the strict relationship type. Meh. At least the hikes themselves were enjoyable and had good views. TBH, you're making me more jealous than most of the post here that are actually trying to brag. Makes me wish I had a good hiking partner haha. | ||
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