EPTI hate my dad - Page 4
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Lexpar
1813 Posts
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Duke
United States1106 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:27 YPang wrote: Yes, its "normal" my dad was abused child so he claimed. This is why its happening. But in China i guess this is an okay act. And yes i do believe my dad knows what he's doing is illegal because he told my sister to lie about her bruises if asked. my chinese friend is the same way. shitty childhood, forced to study unreasonable hours, was probably beaten, never told he was loved, etc., and now he does the same shit. he is a control freak, he will insult my intelligence, make threats, rage about dumb shit, and he will never apologize. im barely putting up with it, but for now i must. i think you should start defending your sister. your mother is perfectly fine being obedient to the shit that goes on, so my personal opinion is to not give too much of a fuck what happens to her - but your sister is helpless. | ||
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sob3k
United States7572 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:19 FragKrag wrote: Assuming you call Child Services, you're still stuck. If anything I would suggest you to tell your mother to act like the perfect obedient Asian woman and do whatever he wants at least until you are out of college. You're not being a pussy. You're taking the only logical way out of this while securing yourself a source of income you can use to take your sister out. Sorry, but this is an absolutely disastrous idea...Its not possible for a human to "just stick it out and shut up" and avoid conflict for four years while you are at college. It sounds like a great compromise but jesus, I have seen this tried so many times. 1. It sounds like the situation is already deteriorating between the parents, it is not physically or emotionally possible to just ignore this for 4 years, if it has escalated over 10 years, it will continue to escalate. 2. Acting like "the perfect obedient Asian woman" will not pacify or avoid conflict, I guarantee your dad will find something to complain and become enraged about, and even if your mother COMPLETELY avoids any reponse to it, the atmosphere and relationship will become like a fucking toxic gas. 3. IT WILL FUCK YOUR SISTER UP. FUCK HER UP MAJORLY. Living with two parents who are constantly in conflict and hate and disrespect each other will cause your sister to develop serious emotional and relational problems. No matter how much you think people can just "tough it out" and be unaffected, its just not true. I have seen SO MANY people who are unable to live happy lives and are stuck with all kinds of terrible relationship problems because of living in environments like this. I'm sure your sister is a strong person, but she isn't magic. If you leave her in this deteriorating situation for (at minimum) 4 years, she will be effected. Haven't you heard LoveLine for gods sake? EVERY SINGLE PERSON calling up with major psychological problems grew up in an abusive home like this. Its not a fucking coincidence. Yes, money IS a serious concern, but there are thing more important. One of them is not potentially ruining the rest of your sisters life with emotional issues. Everyone in contact with this situation is negatively effected, your mom is effected, your dad is effected, your sister is effected, YOU are effected. Nobody escapes. Now you need to do you best to minimize further harm. Money is one factor, PLEASE weigh the others just as importantly. | ||
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lyAsakura
United States1414 Posts
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zulu_nation8
China26351 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:37 Chairman Ray wrote: This is quite a common problem in a lot of families, but this is one of the worst that I've ever heard of. Firstly, it has nothing to do with the sausages at all. The reason why a lot of fathers get angry is because of the tremendous amount of stress they face at work. School stress is nothing compared to work stress. At work, a lot rests on your shoulders, your boss is constantly verbally abusing you, etc, but the worst part is you have to suck it all up. This causes an extremely unhealthy emotional buildup. Your father takes his anger on your family because they're the only ones he can do it out on. He expresses his anger to you because he wants you to understand how bad it is for him, and how he has to go through hell just to put a roof over your head and food in your stomach. It's extremely frustrating to a father when his family does not repay him, or at least appreciate him for all he does. The absolute worst nightmare for a father is to put in every ounce of blood and sweat to raise a family, and not get the results desired. Your father does not want you, your sister, or your mother to be hurt. Every father wants a loving family, but not every father can put himself against his emotions to make a loving family. I guess your father is one of the many that can only use sheer anger to express how he feels. To make things better, firstly you shouldn't lash back at him or call social services. That makes things much worse for you father and much worse for your family. What you need to do is to demonstrate to your father in some way that you understand everything that he goes through in order to put a roof over your heads and food in your stomachs, and you will try your best to make him proud. This may be one of the hardest things to do in your life. I for one, did not pull the courage to do such a thing to a man I was afraid of. I just tried a bit harder in school just so my father was a bit more content and also to grind it out until I moved out. You also have a sister on the line as well, maybe that's something to consider. Whatever you do, I would advise against calling social services or lashing back at him, unless it's the absolute last thing. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. A lot rests on your shoulders right now. Report back to us whenever you feel the need. Listen to this post | ||
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:37 Chairman Ray wrote: This is quite a common problem in a lot of families, but this is one of the worst that I've ever heard of. Firstly, it has nothing to do with the sausages at all. The reason why a lot of fathers get angry is because of the tremendous amount of stress they face at work. School stress is nothing compared to work stress. At work, a lot rests on your shoulders, your boss is constantly verbally abusing you, etc, but the worst part is you have to suck it all up. This causes an extremely unhealthy emotional buildup. Your father takes his anger on your family because they're the only ones he can do it out on. He expresses his anger to you because he wants you to understand how bad it is for him, and how he has to go through hell just to put a roof over your head and food in your stomach. It's extremely frustrating to a father when his family does not repay him, or at least appreciate him for all he does. The absolute worst nightmare for a father is to put in every ounce of blood and sweat to raise a family, and not get the results desired. Your father does not want you, your sister, or your mother to be hurt. Every father wants a loving family, but not every father can put himself against his emotions to make a loving family. I guess your father is one of the many that can only use sheer anger to express how he feels. To make things better, firstly you shouldn't lash back at him or call social services. That makes things much worse for you father and much worse for your family. What you need to do is to demonstrate to your father in some way that you understand everything that he goes through in order to put a roof over your heads and food in your stomachs, and you will try your best to make him proud. This may be one of the hardest things to do in your life. I for one, did not pull the courage to do such a thing to a man I was afraid of. I just tried a bit harder in school just so my father was a bit more content and also to grind it out until I moved out. You also have a sister on the line as well, maybe that's something to consider. Whatever you do, I would advise against calling social services or lashing back at him, unless it's the absolute last thing. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. A lot rests on your shoulders right now. Report back to us whenever you feel the need. YPang, I strongly recommend you read this post. I think it sheds light on the situation in general and really makes you think about what might be causing all of this. | ||
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:43 sob3k wrote: Sorry, but this is an absolutely disastrous idea...Its not possible for a human to "just stick it out and shut up" and avoid conflict for four years while you are at college. It sounds like a great compromise but jesus, I have seen this tried so many times. 1. It sounds like the situation is already deteriorating between the parents, it is not physically or emotionally possible to just ignore this for 4 years, if it has escalated over 10 years, it will continue to escalate. 2. Acting like "the perfect obedient Asian woman" will not pacify or avoid conflict, I guarantee your dad will find something to complain and become enraged about, and even if your mother COMPLETELY avoids any reponse to it, the atmosphere and relationship will become like a fucking toxic gas. 3. IT WILL FUCK YOUR SISTER UP. FUCK HER UP MAJORLY. Living with two parents who are constantly in conflict and hate and disrespect each other will cause your sister to develop serious emotional and relational problems. No matter how much you think people can just "tough it out" and be unaffected, its just not true. I have seen SO MANY people who are unable to live happy lives and are stuck with all kinds of terrible relationship problems because of living in environments like this. I'm sure your sister is a strong person, but she isn't magic. If you leave her in this deteriorating situation for (at minimum) 4 years, she will be effected. Haven't you heard LoveLine for gods sake? EVERY SINGLE PERSON calling up with major psychological problems grew up in an abusive home like this. Its not a fucking coincidence. Yes, money IS a serious concern, but there are thing more important. One of them is not potentially ruining the rest of your sisters life with emotional issues. Everyone in contact with this situation is negatively effected, your mom is effected, your dad is effected, your sister is effected, YOU are effected. Nobody escapes. Now you need to do you best to minimize further harm. Money is one factor, PLEASE weigh the others just as importantly. While you're right that money is one factor, you really have to consider the entire situation as a whole. Sure, YPang can care for himself now that's he's old enough to care for himself, but he's got a 10 year old sister. TEN YEAR OLD SISTER. What's going to happen to her if he calls Child Services? His sister doesn't stand to gain ANYTHING. No college, living off government shit for the next 8 years. Chances at college? Very minimal. Think about her life. I'm not saying she should get beat for the next 8 years, but I really do think that if he makes that call, somehow breaks the family apart, his sister loses the most. Her life is most likely going to shit if he makes that call. | ||
]343[
United States10328 Posts
 ) and he curses at us a lot for being "stupid" etc.but I'm also pretty sure he still loves us... it's the way lots of Chinese (Asian?) people in their generation and before are brought up (and yes, beating your kid is probably wrong, even though people have been doing that for thousands of years... but we are more civilized now?) don't call child services, but try to understand what he's going through (stress, like chairman ray said), and have a talk with him. I think if you make yourself clear (and do it gently), he'll understand and try to stop. If not, keep trying for a while... but if it continues, ...  | ||
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Orome
Switzerland11984 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:37 Chairman Ray wrote: The reason why a lot of fathers get angry is because of the tremendous amount of stress they face at work. Is this just your own theory? I doubt very much that this is the cause for the majority of dysfunctional families. | ||
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Orome
Switzerland11984 Posts
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Count9
China10928 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:46 Roffles wrote: YPang, I strongly recommend you read this post. I think it sheds light on the situation in general and really makes you think about what might be causing all of this. What? What dictates "absolute last thing"? Few month ago, my sister's face was red with bruises, and was made to lie to teachers and students saying that it was just a rash. And she is often kicked not sure about the strength of kick, but definitly enough to get her to be on her butt. If the above doesn't dictate child services, then that entire paragraph of advice is useless. The girl is getting fucking beat on her face, I think several gigantic lines have been crossed. Honestly, it'd be good advice if the dad was stressed out and was verbally abusive and you can try it out, but when you start beating people hard, there's problems. What he takes it too far one day? Kills her or does serious damage to her? It's ridiculous not to call child services, whatever the reason for his stress. Also, if this is fake :/ | ||
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bbq
United States49 Posts
Make him realize that he needs his family more than they need him. Let him know that the laws differ from the old traditional Chinese ways of thinking, and that if anything, convince him that CPS will destroy him. Chinese are a very prideful race, how will he face his relatives who will judge him if his wife and children leave him. CPS is just as, if not more detrimental to his pride than anything. Even if it's your father, don't let anyone mistreat you or anyone you care for. Hope your future brightens up, keep positive, because everything improves with the passing of time. | ||
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:54 Orome wrote: roffles, you honestly believe his sister will have it worse? jesus, there are worse things than no college money. Yes, if you think about it logically, his sister will be living off government shit for the next 8 years, as opposed to YPang, who is 19 and in college on loans and debt. One is old enough to understand what is going on, one is not. She might not even have the chance to go to college, simply due to the lack of funding that her mother can provide her. How is her life going to be better than YPangs? | ||
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]343[
United States10328 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:54 Count9 wrote: If the above doesn't dictate child services, then that entire paragraph of advice is useless. The girl is getting fucking beat on her face, I think several gigantic lines have been crossed. Honestly, it'd be good advice if the dad was stressed out and was verbally abusive and you can try it out, but when you start beating people hard and making your son hit his sister, there's problems. What he takes it too far one day? Kills her or does serious damage to her? It's ridiculous not to call child services, whatever the reason for his stress. wait so just to make sure, she's told to slap herself? 掌嘴? | ||
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Count9
China10928 Posts
On July 13 2010 10:03 ]343[ wrote: wait so just to make sure, she's told to slap herself? 掌嘴? Ah, misread, edited. | ||
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Orome
Switzerland11984 Posts
On July 13 2010 10:00 Roffles wrote: Yes, if you think about it logically, his sister will be living off government shit for the next 8 years, as opposed to YPang, who is 19 and in college on loans and debt. One is old enough to understand what is going on, one is not. She might not even have the chance to go to college, simply due to the lack of funding that her mother can provide her. How is her life going to be better than YPangs? Tbh I'm just really confused now. You really find having college money in 8 years more important than stopping abuse that's happening right now? I guess we've just got uh... different priorities... | ||
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YoonHo
Canada1043 Posts
My dad was worse. He was a violent alcoholic, but my mom was brave enough to get that shit out of mine and my sisters' lives. I think it was the best decision ever. | ||
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Deleted User 3420
24492 Posts
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caelym
United States6421 Posts
edit: people who say this is normal for asian families, get educated you dumbass. not all asian families are nazi concentration camps. asian parents are strict, and it really really sucks going through your teenage years with them, but this goes way past the line. | ||
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sob3k
United States7572 Posts
On July 13 2010 09:37 Chairman Ray wrote: This is quite a common problem in a lot of families, but this is one of the worst that I've ever heard of. Firstly, it has nothing to do with the sausages at all. The reason why a lot of fathers get angry is because of the tremendous amount of stress they face at work. School stress is nothing compared to work stress. At work, a lot rests on your shoulders, your boss is constantly verbally abusing you, etc, but the worst part is you have to suck it all up. This causes an extremely unhealthy emotional buildup. Your father takes his anger on your family because they're the only ones he can do it out on. He expresses his anger to you because he wants you to understand how bad it is for him, and how he has to go through hell just to put a roof over your head and food in your stomach. It's extremely frustrating to a father when his family does not repay him, or at least appreciate him for all he does. The absolute worst nightmare for a father is to put in every ounce of blood and sweat to raise a family, and not get the results desired. Your father does not want you, your sister, or your mother to be hurt. Every father wants a loving family, but not every father can put himself against his emotions to make a loving family. I guess your father is one of the many that can only use sheer anger to express how he feels. To make things better, firstly you shouldn't lash back at him or call social services. That makes things much worse for you father and much worse for your family. What you need to do is to demonstrate to your father in some way that you understand everything that he goes through in order to put a roof over your heads and food in your stomachs, and you will try your best to make him proud. This may be one of the hardest things to do in your life. I for one, did not pull the courage to do such a thing to a man I was afraid of. I just tried a bit harder in school just so my father was a bit more content and also to grind it out until I moved out. You also have a sister on the line as well, maybe that's something to consider. Whatever you do, I would advise against calling social services or lashing back at him, unless it's the absolute last thing. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. A lot rests on your shoulders right now. Report back to us whenever you feel the need. erg , this could be the "reason" behind your father's behavior, but It's not going to help you. The absolute worst nightmare for a father is to put in every ounce of blood and sweat to raise a family, and not get the results desired This is the part I believe, at least in my family my father worked his ass off and then ended up loosing his job and falling out with my mother. He was incredibly (understandable) crushed and angered to see all of his life "coming to nothing", he hasn't achieved what he set out to do. His response to this, lashing out in anger at his family is terrible and entirely his fault. While i do feel bad that he doesn't feel good about himself, there is nothing I can do to help him at this point (believe me i've tried). I see so many people desperately trying to "make my father proud" like some storybook that will magically make him content and stop being an abusive ass. It never works, the problem is not with you, its with him, and ultimately only he can fix it. I guess your father is one of the many that can only use sheer anger to express how he feels. NO, he is one of the many who DOES only use sheer anger to express how he feels. Its like a terrible feedback loop, he becomes depressed and angry at his life and situation, lets out this emotion on his family which further degrades the situation which only serves to make him even more pissed off. Its HIS problem that he needs to find a constructive outlet for his emotion and actually work on improving the situation instead of throwing a fit. You are going to college and I'm guessing are a pretty successful guy, and yet he is still demeaning and abusive towards you. This is because YOU are not the source of his problems, HE is. They are fucking difficult problems but until he learns to confront he (and everyone around him) will suffer terribly. I feel absolutely terrible for my dad, its a sad, sad story, but I have to remember that I can't blame myself. If you get straight A's in college or something he will be happy for a while...but this is only a distraction from his real personal issues, and he will go right back to his old angry self within the week. I don't know your fathers personal situation, Its up to you to decide how you can best help him confront and hopefully fix his issues. Just always remember that its not you "causing" his anger by some disappointed, you just happened to be available when he vents all of his pent up emotion on whatever bad thing you did. You may not even be able to help him. | ||
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