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LOcDowN
United States1014 Posts
On February 08 2014 11:39 Jermman wrote: You sound dead inside, and the least "manly" thing you could be doing is offering your "expert manly man advice for men" on the internet. Don't be so full of yourself. Why are you even here? Troll somewhere else. | ||
MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 01:36 Ahzz wrote: Hello mightyatom hyung! I must say that I always enjoyed reading your blogs because they gave a sense of personal growth and achievement through hard work, which is something I've always appreciated. Thank you for providing us your guidance. My question is, do you have any guidelines or wisdom on being and staying humble? As a christian also I greatly value being humble about the things you say and do and achieve because it means that you don't come off as arrogant or condescending and you don't give yourself too much credit; after all, it has been many other people, great hyungs etc who have helped you come to that point, even if you decided to get your act together to get where you are. It is our ego and ambition that truly drives us forward and motivates us to achieve things, but I don't want to show an egoistical side to people who are close to me, or anyone for that matter. I hate the word humility or staying humble. I wasn't born that way to be 'humble' in the way most people want you to be. My entire life people have called me arrogant, some teachers went out of their way to correct me, my father spent most of our relationship trying to keep me humble and people have pegged me as public enemy number one because they thought I was too arrogant and should be more humble. Every year, I would write down, from when I was in grade 4! that I would try not to draw attention to myself and be more 'humble' and every year I failed and I constantly beat myself up over this. I almost feel as the word humility comes about by people who are simply not as driven, annoyed by people who are very confident and honestly, when you're young, sometimes you are just so oblivious to what other people are thinking and feeling, even as you go on and on about what you're doing, what you can do. But we are made to feel as though we are so wrong, when it's just a part of growing up and being mature and understanding others in general. Is it wrong to want to be great? No, most people wouldn't say that it is. Is it wrong to say or for people to know that you think you can be great? Yes, it makes people just think you're so arrogant. BUT, even when you don't say it, you try to hide it, just by your actions of taking responsibility, from achieving, from correcting others by having a higher standard that people compare themselves them to -even if you don't correct them- this is where I think a real conflict emerges, then are you supposed to hide also your ability? I'm not humble whatsoever, but would I say I'm arrogant? I would say a lot of people would say so as well. But at the heart of this that the perspective of this is all about a judgement on you, not about you actually. I would say, I'm very honest with myself of my own capabilities and I owe up to my responsibilities. **** But lets say, the above is true, the fact is, we need to answer the fundamental question is if we really are arrogant and egotistical. Of course, when you're young, you're not, but sometimes successes blind us and for everyone who is confident, we do make the mistakes of being egotistical and arrogant at times, but again, if you're trying to be the better man, eventually you'll grow out of it, or manage it. I know that isn't your actual question, but I just wanted to say, for me, really being arrogant and egotistical is when: you stop listening to others, you stop thinking you can learn from anyone and when you look down on everyone. It's hard to really know when you are being arrogant and egotistical until someone close to says it outright, but for the most part, if you feel as though you're not learning, and no matter how great you may think you are, to say that even the greatest are not in a state of constant learning - now that is arrogance. But the issue then becomes, if you become great in your field, you're dedicated, you've thought deeply upon hours and hours about the same things, and someone who is less qualified than you or someone as a critic or observer gives their back seat advice directly and it seems like you don't care or you're not listening, are you actually arrogant or just not wasting time to make them feel good about themselves, and of course it is the later. I learn, but someone trying to teach me something because they think they know something I'm missing or I am learning because 'm open minded to see and not pass judgement on who I can learn from are 2 different things. I mean if Mike Tyson rejects 98% of the advice he gets from internet forums at the height of his career, then that is a given. But Mike Tyson also accepts 98% of the advice he is given from his trainers because we qualify, who is worth enough of a damn to have the right to call us arrogant when we are aren't listen and who are those who have nothing better to do than to say, you're arrogant because they feel hurt we don't listen to them or never will. People have a tendency to image successful people are looking down on them or that successful (aka arrogant people) go through their lives insensitive to other people's feelings, but we should care etc. But this has NOTHING to do with us, and everything to do with other people's insecurities and self-judgement. That being said, whether we are justified in not giving a shit about these peons is besides the point because their reaction to us and those around us can be poisonous and can also be a constant burden where our capability becomes and object of scorn and a 'reputation' precedes us that does make it harder to not only work, but also to start to second guess ourselves as people go out of their way to be 'offended' by our arrogance. ****************************** I think there are four ways to accomplish the goal of not being a target of being an arrogant asshole (assuming you really aren't), -but there are two things to note; 1. you will slip up, no matter what you do, you'll never get away clean without someone with a chip on their shoulder calling you out. 2. one day you're going to either have to develop a much thicker skin or work much more in the shadows. So: number 1, recognize and clearly state that you stand on the achievements of others and that you always appreciate all the things that have gotten you here - and whenever you can, at really not cost to yourself, self-deface yourself at all times because usually this comes up when you are in that position what you are saying could be constituted as egotistical. False modesty won't ever work, not only will you be called out for being fake and acting like a pussy, false modesty only works in some instances, not on a constant daily basis. If you get complemented, be sincere but if the crowd is general acquaintances that don't really know you, do the above. Number 2: never ever say a negative thing about anyone in a public sweeping way, never make a generalization and say that this sucks or they suck or they are incompetent or my favorite 'that they are garbage' and to that end, never say anything publicly that be construed as an extreme position of judgement Number 3: don't ever assume that those closest to you are not jealous or don't have a chip on their shoulder as well, you need to be 100% certain that the person is just as self-assured as you are or else they are simply going to expose you behind your back in any case. Number 4: the most important thing; never ever monologue or go on about what you've done or why you deserve this or can do this. You may think it is something you need to do to set a standard or show what you are capable of, just don't do it and this is probably the only really legitimate thing that does really push people over the edge and make someone look like an egotistical asshole. Take a deep breath, unless it is a job interview, you don't need for people to know how capable you are every time you meet someone new, or in a new team situation or at work. Give the peons the benefit of the doubt or crush them legitimately later but to simply state what you can do, or have one, this is the one time we deserve to be hanged out to dry as egotistical assholes. There is a point of maturity, where we gauge our words, we don't ever monologue about our accomplishments, and we have a good enough judge of character to not expose our inward thoughts to just anyone. But you're absolutely correct, it is something we need to be aware and manage. I know when I write, I hurt people. It exposes people, 'how can this cunt think he knows what is up', when of course, they don't or even if they think they do, they wouldn't have the balls to be exposed like that. But, I don't give a shit if 50% one star me or troll me with some bullshit questions which I try to turn into something productive. Because I don't give a shit about them. I'm not writing for them, I am writing for myself to contribute and if I do some good and contribute here, then I'm satisfied, I'm not looking to save the world or be Oprah here. But I'll take on a role and I'll be exposed for that role, but I'm at a point in my life, my skin is thick, plus, I don't need to prove to anyone anything except to myself. But people can read what I've written in this point and then re-read everything I written in a very cynical way that obviously MA has applied this to what he's written, he truly is an egotistical cunt- and they can miss the sincerity that I've put into each of these posts. But being Korean- I'm not here to win an argument for the sake of winning an argument or to change people's thinking, I don't care about those who I will not share a sincere moment with- people go be whatever you want to do, I'm not judging you directly even though some people will translate what I've written that they are pussies. But really, for those people I don't care if you man up or be pussy, you think I'm judging by what I'm writing, but really I don't care about you whatsoever because as I should be nothing to you, you are nothing to me, unless we meet somewhere here with some 'sincerity and authenticity.' I actually spent a lot of time on this post, not re-writing it, but that this is a question I think, most people won't get really what you're asking and it is something, as you can see, is something I dealt with my entire life. So while most people may give you the flippant answer to simply not be egotistical,-and by asking such a question, you've being egotistical- (well besides saying fuck'em) I'm not saying that- instead be the best you can be, be capable, be wary of actually being arrogant, but its a learning process and until you get a point where you are better understood by those around you, it is wise to guard yourself from being labeled egotistical. | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 02:32 TotheSky wrote: Always have enjoyed reading your blogs, incredibly insightful of the challenges you faced and how you were able to achieve what you have today. My question has two parts, I have a rough plan in my mind, but I'd love to get your nugget of wisdom. I was in a online relationship with a friend I've known for many years (she went through a traumatic time and I spent a lot of time helping her recover when no one seemed to care about her and seeing the suffering left a mark on me about people and life) we've split up for a while now, but she left a huge impact in a positive way which resulted in me going back to school (when I was 100% I was done with it) and trying to finish my degree in tourism. Everything clicked, my job in a restaurant working along side my boss with managing, marketing, reconstructing the business was in sync with everything I was learning in school. Yet I feel I'm underachieving, the opportunities and people I've met have been great and I can see the growth within me, yet I'm unsure what I want. I want to manage at some point and reach senior level as soon as I can. It's simply can't be just work your ass off till you make it is it? I thought of working in a hotel and moving up the corporate ladder, yet I want travel opportunities around the work, is it too late to start? The whole seasonality of the industry annoys me and I hope to get a 9-5 job in the industry that pays fairly well. The breakup distorted my thinking and I made a fairly large investment and leased a $50,000 car and I'm able to pay it off along with my expenses, but I feel restricted. I don't work full time, but perhaps I should consider increase my hours some more to give myself some breathing room. I want to eventually meet my ex once I've finished my degree and I can perhaps work overseas for some experience at a hotel ( or even gain experience now while I'm still in school). I'm seeing other people and enjoying the joys of life. Part of me has move on, yet there are moments where I wish I can see her in person and rekindle the relationship. (I'm a person that stands by his words, and means what he says and it was something I promised and I'd hate to back down on my word). TLDR: getting back on track after break up, school and work going well, bad financial purchase, wants to meet exgf irl in a different country while moving up in the tourism industry (hopefully in another country). Look forward to hear what you have to say, your comments not only for myself but for all other posters is invaluable!! Hey thanks for sharing very openly and honestly, and sorry for the late response. I think at the heart of it, you seem very thoughtful and not selfish enough in an active way. What I mean by that is that we are all naturally predisposed to look to what we feel is meaningful to us, or what contributes to the image of us. Your own image may be one of being a thoughtful confidant and it you've gotten a lot out of being there for others, even if you've never met them. But I think you need to realize that this may be just one part of your life and development and it's time to really focus on yourself and what is in front of you. Basically you need to move on, specifically about your past relationship- sorry to be so straight- but sometimes, you need to be focused and selfish and in some parts of your life just really put your nose to the grindstone and work like a mofo. We never get to understand or find what we want by trying to figure out by thinking about it. Rather it is by new experiences and seeing how far we push ourselves to see what limits we exceed, then things become clearer on what we really do like and don't like or really are willing to sacrifice for not. So if you're under 30, taking it easy isn't my advice, pick up as many hours as you can, and yes, working like a mofo once you're committed to something is the way to go- other people will say, work the least, get the most, I'd would say, work like a fucker, be that much better and this is ultimately a stepping stone. But making solid mark, and getting a solid recommendation or even the head manager or owners eventually taking notice and giving you more opportunities the best form of networking. But apply for the best hotels you can get into and if you're making enough, then take it as learning experiences, whether it the Four Seasons or W Hotels etc, there isn't anything holding you back other than hard work if you've paid your dues to get into that industry. But definitely increase your hours, get more financial space and you have more options. In terms of too late to start, etc, I think it is never too take to start, what you make up for starting late is usually a desperate urge, intensity and focus that after a couple of years brings you up to speed anyway. But just apply overseas, it will be a great experience, and if you genuinely want to see your ex, see her on your terms, when you've settled on what you want to do, where you are headed and where you have the funds to just take a weekend off and see what happens, but first prioritize and get your shit completely together before you start thinking about plan that revolve around a girl that has nothing to do with your own career and your own development; I'm saying, be selfish to be upgraded/developed because its your life and you need to define your life first by your passion and whatever achievements you make in your own experiences and capabilities. Plus, when you're reaching, you'll always be more creative as well, like if you do get an overseas position that is great, you may be able to sub-lease or transfer your lease or even just take the penalty on it because your new job is that good. But in any case, my serious advice to you is, it sounds like it is time to work like a mofo, keep you eye out for your passion and be selfish now for the long term goal of just being in a better position. ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 14:45 saltywet wrote: massage parlor/salons/red light districts try or no try? Try every thing once or twice but in this case, I'd recommend you try (if you still want to) after you have your first love or real girlfriend(s) and really see women and experience what it means to have a relationship first. Going to those kinds of places will distort your understanding of non-working women (i.e. regular women) as well as take away some very special experiences that I personally think, for me, were unforgettable- and could only be had there, not with a working lady. ^^ | ||
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Dubzex
United States6994 Posts
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ElMeanYo
United States1032 Posts
I don't have anything to ask Atom other than to say thanks for having the courage to openly talk about your story and to give advice as best you know how. | ||
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husniack
203 Posts
Thanks MA. | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 21:46 Danglars wrote: I saw your answer about happiness in your life. Fulfillment in family. A great upbringing. You wrap it up giving thanks to God. This forum being on the secular side of things, I don't want to broach some wide ranging religion question. Let me just ask, what was your journey through life like with regards to believing something supernatural out there? How has your views on God or religious matters changed as life has gone on? + Show Spoiler + I've been mostly single for some time now, but find my happiness volunteering and helping others in a nonprofit and religious context. I don't have fulfillment in family and job for that reason. It's only the rest that matters currently. I know how others have shared with me ... divine experiences touching them deeply, and since this is Ask-Me-Anything format, was wondering what that meant to you personally, no judgement I don't have a memory of me not believing and knowing God, it comes from being raised in a pretty devoted Christian home as well as having very loving and strict parents. I've never doubted God, but I've challenged him a lot. I think we all can have that child-like faith - but when you're a kid, it is just all intuitive, and when you get older by high school, something needs to replace that intuition of God, sometimes it's feeling, sometimes its reason, but both those don't quite add up to the same level of faith that a child like intuition has. So I feel as though for the early part of my life high school years as I learned more than what my sunday school education could provide or my pastors for that matter (aside from a lot of dogma, doctrine or just really some emo type crap) of course my faith wavered in terms of simply accepting that there was a God all the time. But I think because my parents were also long time Christians, we weren't really strict on dogma, or really sensitive on being moral, my parents married quite late, they still remember the end of ww2 and the Korean war, so we weren't the kinda of 'don't swear, no violence' type of Christians, rather, we believed and we knew shit happened and God would give as way to sort things out. So needless to say, I've strayed far and wide from what a Christian boy is supposed to be like and simply lived life and let God be God and me be me. But I was active in trying to find that place where my faith was child like, but was grounded solid not in blind faith, but in real revelation in Christ. Eventually I found that in my studies at seminary before I basically ran away to do my MBA instead. I had a chance to re-do my thesis twice and both times it was rejected, but I think it was meant to be. I'm not one for being a good church goer, even though I did use to preach and teach (certified by the national Presbyterian church lol). I rarely share this with others, simply because this isn't the kind of thing you share unless someone is yearning for God and if I can assist with the process then sure, but I'd say, getting into an argument or discussion about God is quite pointless if it's not for this yearning to know God rather than to understand or hold a position for or against God. I think two things I really hold to and one is that God is Love and that if God really is God, then he will answer. The God is love part, obviously is a revelation, but just to try to give it some articulation, for me:you have, 1 Corinthians 13; the verse most recited at weddings, but everyone knows the first part, but very few people under the last bit. Really verses 9-12 is the real core of the passage. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. You know how the universe is made with the element of time, that there is a moment where there is no time. A moment of utter completeness. For me, when true love, the love of God comes, for that one moment, you act in that love, there is no time, there is only completeness in all of existence. When you are a rat bastard, but for that one moment you do something that is out of pure love and God comes, no matter what kind of fucker or angel you are, you can be no better at that moment. And for me this is the revelation we have in Christ, i.e. salvation = completeness =perfection = eternity (or the absence of time). In terms of the other point, whenever I have doubted, I have challenged God and he has always shown himself to me. I think in challenging God, you recognize that if God is really God, he'll answer if you're seeking sincerely- and what does sincerely mean, well that would be relative, but for everyone that I've met and asked me to prove God, I simply say, that, 'If God is really God, he will be there when you seek him, if not then I guess there must not be God for you'. Usually the discussion ends there. So I'm confident enough that I will ask God or avoid God or ask God to give me some space cause I want to just live like a shitty human. As part of my education, I worked at an urban mission; it was tough, and I did learn a lot, I learned what faith was in 'seeing how God sees' rather than any other understanding of faith I came to understand. But God lets us to have that choice, not so much to believe or not believe, but rather follow or not follow. If we choose to follow, then we do get fulfillment out of different things -but by no means do Christians have a corner on this- but I would say, out of fulfillment produces fruit, and if you think the fruit you make is good, and then it is good, especially if it isn't just good fruit, but love fruit that makes pockets of completeness and eternity, then pretty sure you're on the right track. ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 22:18 tenacity wrote: Uhm, I dont know whether I can still ask something but I will give it a shot anyway: How do you keep track of things you learn, whether it by reading, listening or watching, etc.? How do you organize it? Im ttying to learn from many fields but I have a hard time forming a bigger picture where t all fits and can easily be accessed. What devices do you use? (Ive learned that a paper bases organizer is very useful for me and that Evernotr is one of the best programsto get to information when it is needed) I think this really depends on how you process information, whether you are more of intuitive thinker or more of a sensory thinker. For me, whatever I learn, if it is relevant or insightful I will usually spend some time to simply think about it, and let it rest in my mind, give it some respect, and then I try to internalize it, that instead of remember that one point, but rather how that one point is applied or is applicable to everything else that I've learned and use. I used to draw these massive idea map to try to capture this all, and try to set it into some type of frameworks and I would do this for days and days and I realized I was going a bit crazy because theory should be ground in applicability rather than simply in a cloud of understanding. I really believe this is how Blaise Pascal went nuts when he wrote pense (thoughts). So my point it, if you want to keep track of whatever, try to make simple associations of what you've learned and it's application to start. And naturally, you'll find associations and parallels in your thinking if you have the idea set-up with how it's applied. If you simply try to remember all the insight as is without an application, then it's kinda of like having all these different kinds of cool bullets, but you yourself have only 1 gun to use, so it simply is too awkward, but if you mold each bullet into something that can be used by use (while keeping the essence of it there), then bang, you got lots of bullets for every situation. But if you're more of a sensory person, I think the frame work still applies, but rather in order to visualize it more and have it more on hand, simply make that idea/theory map and apply what you've learned in a current or old situation to frame it as you own case studies. But if the information in of itself is extremely practical in nature, I think you run the risk of being a 'horder' of information, in that you may collect all this practical information, but you may never use it, so I'd say, as a very very first step, even this practical information, take a moment see where it applicable in your work, mentally apply it, try to internalize it, make a note of it. If this comes up again, then at least you have a reference point to realize the point again, and if comes up again, the probably by that time you've internalized. It's kind of like fighting, you can learn 3 moves to instinctual perfection and end a fight in 3 hits or have to think about 100 moves you learned while you're getting your ass beat. ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 08 2014 00:15 Pangpootata wrote: 1) How would you deal with a parent who tries to force you to subscribe to a certain religion? Let's say you do not disparage their beliefs at all and have already told them that you respect their beliefs, and they can believe what they want, but you choose not to. However, that parent will force you to take part in religious rituals and flip out at you if you don't want to. 2) How do you size-up or gauge new people you meet? I.e. how do you ascertain their personality traits and find out whether they are honest or trustworthy? 3) When you take up a new job, how do you start off on a good note? How do you let others know you are capable and reliant? 1. My older brother had this issue with my parents, he hated church and everything to do with it. I personally think, you just respect your parent's wishes while you're under their roof, do the bare minimum to appease them as long as you feel they have good intentions, but my parents really didn't ever listen to me until I was about 25 years old. That could be because I'm Korean, but, my parents had made my older brother teach sunday school and he taught them how to box instead and set up sparring fights between the kids, and well, that was the end of that. Not that I suggest you embarrass your parents like my older brother did, but I mean they love you, this is how they show their love, so while I agree you're totally reasonable, this usually is not a reasonable topic. I'd say, go through the motions, when you're out of the house with your job and eventually you're wife, they will start to give you respect on your own, but really this isn't a short term issue, you're gonna have to be prepared to deal with it for most of your life unfortunately. Just don't lose sight of their love and you give them as much respect as you can, even when they are making you bonkers and if its really bad, just take some time away from them. Even if you are son, there are limits to every man's sanity. ^^ 2. I'd say, really, most people, including myself are really fucking bad judge of characters. Be honest with your track record and then if most people are, they are bad. So to protect myself, I force myself not to simply trust people 100% or take them at face value. I'm not saying think everyone is bad or untrustworthy, but don't give it up so easily, keep some space and really this take time and multiple meetings before you can really start to get an idea of the person. While in high school it may not be the best thing to do; but when you're over 25, finding out references from others is pretty solid way to figure out someone. But I think a few key things I've learned by experience alone. i. if they gossip or like to talk about others or bag on others, the are absolutely not trustworthy, I don't care if they say, they normally don't talk like this or whatever, guy gossips, he ain't trust worthy at all. ii. if they are very easy with their words to say a strong commitment like, 'I swear, or we're best bros now, or you can trust me 100%, or something to the end of saying something that normally would take months to say in terms of a commitment. Its like if some girl when you're over 25 says, I love you on the first date, then you're gonna get the fuck out there because she definately psycho, when you're young, you're young, but when you're over 25, people just don't do that, they learn to measure their word a bit more. iii. the ones that are dishonest or not trustworthy know that they are, so they are very good a hiding it. So if things are too smooth, they probably are playing you, the times you meet someone and its a bit awkward sometimes, they are probably less likely to screw you because their social skills suck and you could see it a mile away. iv. if they contradict themselves one time, just one time and cover it up like it was nothing, or are skillful in changing a subject, then they probably are really good fuckers. You just need to watch out for it v. And any time some says, you can trust me, you can't. That is a fact, why, because if a situation comes up that some needs to say that, it means the situation is very pressed, or that if you had a long term relationship with that person, it wouldn't need to be said, you'd just both know what you're saying is in trust between the two of you, as soon as someone says, you can trust me, then be careful and wait. vi. lastly. anyone who plays politics, meaning that they use social or situations to create trouble to move up, then you can't trust them, if they play politics at work and don't rely on simply getting their results down, anything you say will be used against you eventually. 3. This one is easy. i)Never be late, but dont' be a too much of a brown nose, be at least 15 mins early at the minimum or be one of the earliest to your work. ii) Work late only to finish something off, working late all the time to impress is not sustainable and makes you look to brown nosy. (but in Korea, this is not much of a choice) but otherwise.. iii) Finish you work, check it over 3 times, make sure whatever you do has no mistake. iv) Always whenever you finish you own tasks, clean up and organize your desk so it looks good, then either look for new work to do or do you're on research or go back and follow up on some older task that could be made better. v) Never ever complain about anything, just say, yes, and get it done. If you never complain, but always smile and be graceful under pressure, you'll shine like a mothefuker. ^^ vi) and always be authentic, meaning, don't try too hard on the image stuff, just do your work and the i-v and you'll be good. ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 08 2014 11:39 Jermman wrote: You sound dead inside, and the least "manly" thing you could be doing is offering your "expert manly man advice for men" on the internet. Don't be so full of yourself. good luck in life, pussy. ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 10 2014 07:35 Dubzex wrote: What is a good dessert you would recommend a client who asks for your recommendation? If I've been to that restaurant, I'll recommend what I've had that was good, if not, I'd ask the waiter, but otherwise he'll probably eat whatever if we've made to desert and he is asking me for a recommendation. ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 10 2014 14:07 ElMeanYo wrote: It was fascinating to read your advice and story. Although our backgrounds are very different, we are similar age and I have gone through some of the same struggles you have. I don't have anything to ask Atom other than to say thanks for having the courage to openly talk about your story and to give advice as best you know how. ^^ Thanks, a tour of duty. | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 11 2014 00:48 husniack wrote: How do you maintain connections with former teachers, co-workers? Many times I might need a recommendation from some one, but I feel it has been so long that asking them is a one way transaction and I don't feel comfortable doing that. Thanks MA. It's ok to ask this kind of favor once in a blue moon. As long as you parted ways well, then most people would be flattered by it (although it is a pain to write sometimes) and it gives a chance to reconnect, so don't over think it, you need a recommendation, just ask. But if you want to really prep this, then you should absolutely, send them an email, even if it has been a while, but better to do this right after you've left saying how much they have impacted you in what and what way. And that even if you don't maintain a regular connection, you're thankful for their support. You can do this moving forward, doing this then asking for a recommendation seems disingenuous. But if you need to ask, just ask, forget about comfortably, this is one of those karma things; they do it for you and one day, some snot nose intern will ask you the same favor out of the blue and you'll do it because someone did it for you too ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
as you can see the responses took much longer, because I'm back in the thick of things. I have a major showdown with my nemesis in 4 days, so this will make or break me for this project; so wish me luck, if you have something to ask, I'll leave this open, but I can't promise you when I'll get to answering it, it could be a week or even a months time, but I'll check up on it. I think the thread turned into an ask Abby thread, but wtf, at least it wasn't dry. keke Thanks to the 2 TL gift givers, it was uber unexpected ^^ thanks, and thanks for both the questions and replies, felt good to contribute, it's always my hope that one day I can finance a massive tl meet up and meet you guys at a TLcon event or something like that ^^ Cheers, MA | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
On February 04 2014 15:18 MightyAtom wrote: When I was doing my Masters in Divinity (theology basically), I came up with a working definition that as worked for me and that takes away the fluffy airy bullshit - for me anyway-. Faith is seeing how God sees the world. And your development of faith is that constant development towards being closer to seeing in that way. Of course as Christian, the true sight of faith comes from being in Christ to God, but regardless of true sight or not, I think for the moments we do have faith, we see how things should be rather than how the world has made them to be. I'd only say if you take my working definition of faith, then it is all matter of testing whether or not the views are aligned by acting at times contrary to what is the social norm in judging others, but before that, to really pray on a daily and regular basic and take it from there. Faith is not a rational or feeling behavior, it is to see the world as God sees it, then it's all about pray first - I personally would say - and then acts of compassion and protection for those who are judged marginalized and punished in our society. That eventually, you see the world by a different set of standards which lead not to further judgement, but reconciliation and of course love. I'm going to try and condense this, let me know if I'm on or off: So a persons faith isnt just their beliefs, but its reality to them. And to have faith is to define that reality and act in alignment with it regardless of external forces and the ultimate outcome is to arrive at an embrace with others, no sundering or tearing -- unless it is just *head explodes* | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 11 2014 04:06 KurtistheTurtle wrote: I'm going to try and condense this, let me know if I'm on or off: So a persons faith isnt just their beliefs, but its reality to them. And to have faith is to define that reality and act in alignment with it regardless of external forces and the ultimate outcome is to arrive at an embrace with others, no sundering or tearing -- unless it is just *head explodes* Almost ^^ but there is a fine line in your definition from self-delusion and actual faith, i.e. the shared perception in Christ. For instance; when most people read the parables within the New Testament, if they read it from a moral perspective then depending upon your morality, these parables either become moral stories, or even offensive, but everyone who reads them with a moral perspective will have a different idea of what is the point of the parable. But if you read the parables in faith, then you see where the absence of love destroys, or the completeness of love fulfills. It is not necessarily from faith to understanding, it is a simultaneous two way street, in that, you hear that the bible is divinely inspired, but the words and language and translations are all variations and revisions over centuries, and yet the message is supposed to remain in tact. But from a historical or moral reading/perception of the parables, this message is 100% not intact, it absolutely changes in meaning from the period in which it is read and the standard accepted morality of that time period. But the message never changes, even as the words and language do, if it is read from the faith perspective of love. Again going back to the understanding that love is completeness and for that one moment in time, where there is true love, there is true completeness, when you have that perception when reading, the position is fundamentally the same for everyone. For instance, back in the 1920's smoking was considered fine, and back in the 1600's slavery was considered fine, but in the year 2014, neither are considered good. But back in the 1920's and the 1600's and 50 BC, the love the mother shares with her child or the love between new lovers, while the expressions may be different, the love itself is the same. **I'll expand on it some more some other time, but, I just wanted to point out, when it comes to matters of faith, if you divorce it from the source and turn it into something you want to just define as an understanding, you will lose the thing that does make it faith unique and not simply ignorance blind faith or self delusion, but that faith leads to actions that foster love. | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
On February 12 2014 05:37 MightyAtom wrote: But if you read the parables in faith, then you see where the absence of love destroys, or the completeness of love fulfills. theres a passage, that a mans face wrinkled by lust is ugly. a man's face, wrinkled by love and lust, is a wonderful sight to behold. it is totally different when touched by love. "lust" can be replaced by anything what you wrote is likely much deeper than this, but this is the part I latched onto and can't get past it how can i start deliberately acting through love in one way tomorrow? | ||
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pink_moon
15 Posts
What if your one of your sons don't want to be confined to such masculine role and would feel more liberated from gender roles and values that dictate how an entire gender should act? Would you just force more of your alpha manliness onto him until he sucumbs to Korean societal customs? Even if you don't give a shit about the other side of this coin, of all the discrimination and injustice women face, what about the gender problems for men you're supporting? This "alpha" culture obsessed with status and competition. Korea has some of the highest suicide rates in the developed world, and two thirds of them are men.This macho bullshit culture that say men have to act a certain way, where crying and seeking help is seen as "weak" and "womanly", ...ever seen the movie Peppermint Candy? I think women can be good if they have a good father figure. You don't find anything wrong with that? let's ignore the count of times you've called people pussies and cunts in this thread and your last. According to you, women's values derive from their father and their husbands. Right? It doesn't matter what agency or independence they assert as human beings. All women even the ones with PhDs that are far more intelligent than the likes of you, are simply seeking alpha males to complete them. No wonder people outside of the heteronormative are completely invisible or discriminated against in society. To me you represent just yet another face in Korea's deep rooted sexism. Yeah let me guess. You like your woman to be submissive and passive. You have no problem with the fact Korean women are some of the most educated in the world yet their careers go nowhere and they get paid considerably less. After all, men are "men" (something you keep repeating yet unable to explain). | ||
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Ahzz
Finland780 Posts
On February 12 2014 14:26 KurtistheTurtle wrote: you know when you're writing something, and you're doing good, but then everything just grinds to a halt and your mind is murky...you don't know where to go next? that's right here I don't get it. I really don't. in my brain, I know I'm supposed to act through love. I feel this to be true. mix it in as many actions as I can. theres a passage, that a mans face wrinkled by lust is destructive. a man's face, wrinkled by love and lust, is a wonderful sight to behold. it is totally different when touched by love what you wrote is likely much deeper than this, but this is the part I latched onto and can't get past it how do I leap? where does awareness need to be? how can i start deliberately acting through love? Perhaps you'll wait for MA's post, but here's my 2 cents: That is just it. We, as humans, cannot make conscious decisions to act with love. If we could, everything we did would be totally selflessly done. Clearly, that is impossible for us. Often we realize that we help others while still harboring thoughts of perhaps getting back a favor later or so. We helped the person, we didn't say anything, yet we expect a favor back. That is not acting through love. There are moments when we can grasp love that is not through our will, and those examples have been given: Mother looking at her newborn child etc. Realizing that being faulty as we are and that we cannot act with love with our own will is a big step forward. So as I see it, here is where faith comes in. It's faith in the love of christ, that we are forgiven regardless of what we are. And that whatever we do, we should try to seek acting through love, and leave what is absent of love. That is really what christianity is about, try not to let love amongst others diminish. But it is explained in about a hundred ways because as humans we have trouble grasping it. Kind of like what bible says about wisdom: We may act with wisdom, but if we ever think we have it, we lose it. We can only grasp a small part of it at any given point. EDIT: Actually I probably shouldn't have jumped into this. This thread probably isn't supposed to become a general advice thread. Sorry. | ||
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