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Korea (South)1897 Posts
First Part Here: Closed now
Well, I had an extended trip to Zurich, I'm leaving in 2 days, I tried to open this thread, a few days ago, but I realized that since it is an old blog thread,it isn't showing up in the menu (and yet Val4r found it lol)
In any case, I always did want to open this thread again,
I did write a new intro for the thread in the OP, but just to repeat it again:
1. Please read through the old thread first.
2. I'm doing this sincerely, if you don't need a hyung, you had a great father figure, then good, so did I, but I'm doing this not because I need adoration or I have a fuck load of time, I'm doing it because I can and maybe it is a role I play in our community.
3. I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I have an answer, and it works if you're Korean,it may not completely work if you're not going to man up, but I'll give it to you straight and you can take it for what you will, but just because I say it straight, doesn't mean I'm trying to be mean, I'm not.
If you don't know me, I don't think you should ask for my advice without reading some of my blogs, but in a nutshell, I'm Korean, I was raised in Canada, went to school in Korea, worked married in Korea, I've worked with Japanese, HK, Macau, PRC, Taiwan, Philippines, Australia, New Zealand, Americans, French, Germans, Swiss, Brits, South African, Singapore; so I've been around more than others. I have 2 boys, a lovely wife, I love gaming, was involved in WCG Challenge and the first WCG, I do business, I'm not perfect, I have made many mistakes, and mistakes that I'm still working out and mistakes that I do owe something to, but I keep on trucking, I keep on going for what drives my ambition.
I'm of the mind, all men are men and life is both beautiful and at times brutal. You be true to yourself and play the situation as it comes, but part of that is that you try, you are responsibility and you be better. And being better is all about continuing the good fight, even as you fail, even as you have wasted years and months, but that at any time, you can stand the fuck up and just start. A man, does and then takes responsibility for their actions, good or bad.
So, you men got 48 hours to ask and I'll answer every question that is posted in the next 48 hours as I have an 8 hour stop over in Doha on Wednesday.
I may not open this thread for a few more years, but for what it is worth, I give you my sincerity and time.
MightyAtom
 
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How do you not be a pussy in the morning when you have to wake up after just going to bed and practice 8+ hours of Starcraft and do 12+ hours of homework like Choi Seong Hun hyun?
On February 04 2014 00:03 MightyAtom wrote:at any time, you can stand the fuck up and just start.
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Why are men "men" and pussies "pussies" ?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 00:32 Boonbag wrote:
Why are men "men" and pussies "pussies" ?
Men take on responsibility and take on the consequences of those responsibilities;
but for most part, you grow into being a man, without the bullshit fronting or macho image;
just you do what you need to do, for your friends, family.
But you have the judgement to still be better, and that means also taking the time to grow and not to take on the responsibility that hinders your growth or has others simply depending on you because they don't take on what they can.
A man is also human and needs to grow to have the capacity to take on more responsibility for those that matter. I'm not trying to give advice on how to be a saint here.
A man can be a pussy once in a while, but to truly be in the state of being a pussy, is a when a man simple doesn't do anything, take action to be responsible for something, especially themselves.
But and me, we've know each a long time, you forgot to ask what is a c@nt ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 00:19 hellokitty[hk] wrote:How do you not be a pussy in the morning when you have to wake up after just going to bed and practice 8+ hours of Starcraft and do 12+ hours of homework like Choi Seong Hun hyun? Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 00:03 MightyAtom wrote:at any time, you can stand the fuck up and just start.
If you made the choice to do that life, then you're not a pussy, but you're asking that question because even the thought of it exhausts you, you're always gonna make the pussy move because it's not you. Challenge yourself, but recognize that some people are that dedicated and maybe you will find something you will be that dedicated to and question of being a pussy won't even come up.
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Is the difference between being a mature, responsible adult and being a man that a man makes overly aggressive, self-indulgent declarations about his competence to protect his ego, and an adult just does what an adult needs to do?
o.O
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I couldn't stop reading part 1 after i started and went through almost all questions. Just wanted to mention how awesome of a blog that was. Most answers seemed to be very well thought out. As a non-Korean, I enjoyed reading them as well as learning another perspective to look from. Thank you for it.
One question though: I saw the last blog was made in 2011. Have you ever looked back to earlier questions and thought you would answer completely different today?
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Your posts about drinking as a test of your character at works made me think Korea is sick. It's very nice that being drunk is no excuse, but being forced to drink heavy to progress in your career is sick!
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Switzerland2892 Posts
Do you like Switzerland?
If you've been anywhere else than Zurich, what is your favorite city?
Of all the countries you've been to, which one(s) are your favorite(s) and why?
edit: oops I think it's out of topic
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Does a real man crumple or fold?
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while you've said what you think makes a man, what do you think makes a woman?
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How do you go through something for a long period of time, even if you hate it? I hate high school. I go to a private Catholic high school, even though I'm not Catholic, and I hate it a lot. I don't want to say I hate it every single day I go, but increasingly I just lack the motivation to do well and put up with it. The classes are challenging, boring, and some of them are just complete nonsense. It was my decision to go there, so I guess I should own up to that, but I still have a lot of difficulty not being resentful of going to school each day.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 01:22 Pandemona wrote:Random question Mr Atom, however one im intrigued about. What are YOUR plans about retirement? Have you set yourself an age in your head where you want to just stop flying around making business deals and start to either have a relaxed job inside your hometown so you can see your family more? Or even stop working all together. Also how do the "pension" schemes work in Korea? Do you have a money pot you pay into every month through tax deductions like what we call in England national insurance. Also we cannot touch ours until we are state pension age which at the moment is changing all the time. You pay national insurance for 40 years, after 40 years of paying it you don't have to pay it anymore and it adds as tax releif. My current age for state pension; You’ll reach State Pension age on 5 October 2058. Your State Pension age is 68 years. Yours input and opinion on Korean retirement would be nice to hear  And of course your personal plans if you have them in place :D
I think as a Korean man, if you stop working you die (or all men), so I'm never not going to stop working, but what working means is that if I end up being devoted to raising my grandchildren full time and be a better grandfather than father I am to my kids, I will do that. But in terms of financial, depending on your work, it is tough to keep going at the same pace, but since much of my work is strategic, I think will continue to work as long as I can directly, then train others, then advise, then just sit on some boards until they kick me off because I'm too irrelevant to the times.
In terms of the Korean pension funds, seriously I'm not sure, I think when I was PwC they gave a yearly contribution, but when I left, I think they gave it all back to me, so if you're funded by your company to a point- but I think its pretty much totally up to you. The social net is not great in Korea whatsoever, if you have no relatives to help you out once in a while, you're pretty fucked.
Basically in Korea, you need to look to acquiring two homes fully paid for, one you can live in for the rest of your life with your wife or sell if need be to provide for your retirement and you need one to either give to your kid when they get married, or sell to split up the money for the deposit for when your kids get married. The big thing in Korea is always property, but it's been very tough in the last 5 years in Korea save the Gangnam area, the rest of Korea has been pretty screwed up by certain gov't policies set in place about 7 years ago.
My personal plan is to set up a trust in an offshore location, declare all my money by 45 (in like 6 years) and move everything to Switzerland and just pay a minor tax on all my declared cash. But this is all dependent upon me hitting it at a significant size bigger than I'm at, so I'll know in 2 years if this pans out. Otherwise, I will sort out a job with a public firm and then start putting as much as I can into compound interest accounts on a monthly basis and try to invest in some international product trade with the EU and an Asia product and hopefully get the timing right. But I'm not of the mentality to depend upon the gov't for a pension personally simply because I live all over the place with my family and I'm self employed. I'd say I'm not the norm by a long shot, but since business is my field of expertise it will always be easier to make more money than to figure out how to save more money, unless I really fuck up and I haven't sorted this all out by 45 in which case things like the gov't pension will mean a lot more to me than it has now.
Sorry if that wasn't insightful, but I'm ready and want to work until I can't any longer and I'm lucky to be in a position that if I score a few good projects I can make enough money in a short period of time. But my life is a brutal stress ball nearly everyday, so I mean there are always pluses and minuses, but I'm living my life without regrets and doing what I love, so my retirement is formed from that.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 01:36 Chef wrote:
Is the difference between being a mature, responsible adult and being a man that a man makes overly aggressive, self-indulgent declarations about his competence to protect his ego, and an adult just does what an adult needs to do?
o.O
I think the key word you used is mature. I'm not saying a man needs to be this alpha dog all the time or needs to look towards confrontation, but again, with responsibility comes all these things. It is a learning process. A lot of times when we're well into our mid-20's we are simply acting out what role we think we should be acting out. A man is like this, a CEO is like this, a leader is like this, a boyfriend is like this; and we are more playing out a role than really realizing what is the situation.
I had a business dinner yesterday, at the table there was this brilliant fund manager, but during the course of the evening, we talked 3 times and all 3 times he said things that we a bit offensive, and if I had responded to him him, the only response would have been an insult back; so I didn't respond back when he was offensive, but I really didn't care or think about him, I realized that his social skills were obviously really bad to be rude to a client and that I could recognize that it wasn't intentional.
Now if was intentional I probably would have said out right, what is your problem? But I didn't, not because I didn't want to cause trouble, or that I was being a pussy, but that I knew that he was simply short on social skills, but his intention wasn't there to be rude, but rather to try to get some attention for himself.
But if was 15 years younger, I may have misconstrued the situation and thought he was a real asshole and basically asked him to come outside for a cigarette and then just talked with him - after all- it was a nice restaurant and I'm not stupid to make a scene. But maybe I wouldn't have realized his intentions were just neutral and taken it personally rather than not being bothered by it at all.
Anyone who needs to say they are the leader, or the CEO, or the boss, obviously isn't. Once you utter those words or make that statement, we know that they are the fools, but when you're in the 20's, this is the norm, everyone's a fool at least a few times. By the 30's a lot less, but still some assholes are still there, but by the 40's, you just look like a loser to anyone who really is worth something. But at the end of it all, do we care? If this little piece of shit isn't harming anyone, and everyone thinks and sees he is an egotistical dick head, then he will get his due, he will be a lonely man, always blind to why know one really likes him and always wants to play politics.
When you're young, you want to correct dickheads like this;
when you're older, you don't give a care about these kinds of losers;
and if they are your boss or someone who has position over you, you accept it as a game, you play your part and get what you need from them, but you never correct them because you don't care enough about them to do so.
At the end of the day, an adult does what they need to do because they really understand the situation and the people's intentions and what they need to have people do. A responsible man, can apologize to make things better and can fail and admit those failings, to make things better, to move things. An immature man, simply can't do that because they aren't interested in making things better but rather justifying their insecurity by what you mentioned; their responsibility is to justify their position, to create some type of authority they use to control rather than progress and lead.
But at the end of the day, when you yourself is that man who is self-assured in his skills and aware of his strengths and weakenesses, your presence, side-by-side to the egotisical man, makes him look like a fool who blames, puts down or complains constantly. Now how you deal with such pieces of shits, who do bully or try to harm, well again, that is by the situation and sometimes it involves playing the game or simply not playing any game and just confronting with the brutal truth, providing they aren't your boss, then you just gotta play the game - real life isn't about proving your the man, rather it is about being able to do what you need to do make things right, whether it taking on the humble position or sacrificing for it.
To just sum up what is a man that is really not just fronting as a man:
-accepts the responsibility both good and bad
-uses their position to train and build relationships not to lord over them
-able to continue to learn from both failures and achievements, but keeps on being the better man
-recognizing why people do the things they do, not necessarily compassion, but people's intentions and acting appropriately from there.
In Korea we have a problem with this;
*in general* if you are from a low socio-economic background then you tend to beat your wife, if you from a high-socio-economic background there is a good chance your wife hits you once in a while, but for your entire life, you will never hit a woman once.
The thing is in Korea, men automatically have a position over women, but for what point. For the lower socio-economic range, they use this position as a position of power to abuse. In the higher end spectrum, they understand it is a position to be responsible for their woman and family and it is a position to make the good decision. Of course not all Koreans are like this by their economic level, but I'd say, a man protects with position, but a pussy abuses when they have position.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 01:44 Yorbon wrote:
I couldn't stop reading part 1 after i started and went through almost all questions. Just wanted to mention how awesome of a blog that was. Most answers seemed to be very well thought out. As a non-Korean, I enjoyed reading them as well as learning another perspective to look from. Thank you for it.
One question though: I saw the last blog was made in 2011. Have you ever looked back to earlier questions and thought you would answer completely different today?
I did read through the previous blog before I started this, and surprisingly no, I wouldn't answer it differently probably because I am in my late 30's now, so I've pretty much the guy I've been for the last 5 years or so, maybe I would have answered it differently had I wrote it even 7 years ago.
There is a point where you become the father, the bread winner and it's not about your parent's traditions, but now they are your traditions, I don't justify myself or have insecurities about how I live or what I believe or who I think is wrong or right. I don't need to win any arguments so I can confirm I'm smarter than someone or know more.
Now that cuts both ways, maybe I'm stuck in some wrong thinking now that can't be changed or maybe I don't care about those who are not close to me and have lost some level of compassion or I can think I've lived my life and I only open my mouth when its for people I care about and when I know, insofar as I can know, what I'm talking about. And that comes down to my own views on how hard I have pushed myself to live up to and to fail and to continue to grow in the expectations I've set for myself that were challenging and that made me year on year the better man.
I mean there is a point though, where I should really be clear on my own identity and where I stand on a lot of issues because I have wrestled and have the experience to really now be able to articulate both my feelings and thoughts.
You a lot of guys say, 'i dont give a shit what anyone thinks' but really it's just bravo. And I'll say the same thing, 'I don't give a shit what anyone thinks', but the difference is that is not bravo, rather while I don't give a shit, I am listening, and I am honestly making a judgement does this really matter to me, is it something I can learn from; and reason I can do that is because I am extremely self-assured in my identity of what I know and don't' know and what I do consider right and wrong. And nothing is black and white, but also nothing is just an open rainbow, but rather the decisions I do make come from years of reflection and experience.
but I did read it them through to see if I would change any answers, just in case, instead of assuming that I wouldn't; after all if there were some responses I'd change, I think it would have been a great moment to reflect on why it was like that, but nah, I am what I am. ^^
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51451 Posts
On February 04 2014 07:14 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 01:22 Pandemona wrote:Random question Mr Atom, however one im intrigued about. What are YOUR plans about retirement? Have you set yourself an age in your head where you want to just stop flying around making business deals and start to either have a relaxed job inside your hometown so you can see your family more? Or even stop working all together. Also how do the "pension" schemes work in Korea? Do you have a money pot you pay into every month through tax deductions like what we call in England national insurance. Also we cannot touch ours until we are state pension age which at the moment is changing all the time. You pay national insurance for 40 years, after 40 years of paying it you don't have to pay it anymore and it adds as tax releif. My current age for state pension; You’ll reach State Pension age on 5 October 2058. Your State Pension age is 68 years. Yours input and opinion on Korean retirement would be nice to hear And of course your personal plans if you have them in place :D + Show Spoiler +
I think as a Korean man, if you stop working you die (or all men), so I'm never not going to stop working, but what working means is that if I end up being devoted to raising my grandchildren full time and be a better grandfather than father I am to my kids, I will do that. But in terms of financial, depending on your work, it is tough to keep going at the same pace, but since much of my work is strategic, I think will continue to work as long as I can directly, then train others, then advise, then just sit on some boards until they kick me off because I'm too irrelevant to the times.
In terms of the Korean pension funds, seriously I'm not sure, I think when I was PwC they gave a yearly contribution, but when I left, I think they gave it all back to me, so if you're funded by your company to a point- but I think its pretty much totally up to you. The social net is not great in Korea whatsoever, if you have no relatives to help you out once in a while, you're pretty fucked.
Basically in Korea, you need to look to acquiring two homes fully paid for, one you can live in for the rest of your life with your wife or sell if need be to provide for your retirement and you need one to either give to your kid when they get married, or sell to split up the money for the deposit for when your kids get married. The big thing in Korea is always property, but it's been very tough in the last 5 years in Korea save the Gangnam area, the rest of Korea has been pretty screwed up by certain gov't policies set in place about 7 years ago.
My personal plan is to set up a trust in an offshore location, declare all my money by 45 (in like 6 years) and move everything to Switzerland and just pay a minor tax on all my declared cash. But this is all dependent upon me hitting it at a significant size bigger than I'm at, so I'll know in 2 years if this pans out. Otherwise, I will sort out a job with a public firm and then start putting as much as I can into compound interest accounts on a monthly basis and try to invest in some international product trade with the EU and an Asia product and hopefully get the timing right. But I'm not of the mentality to depend upon the gov't for a pension personally simply because I live all over the place with my family and I'm self employed. I'd say I'm not the norm by a long shot, but since business is my field of expertise it will always be easier to make more money than to figure out how to save more money, unless I really fuck up and I haven't sorted this all out by 45 in which case things like the gov't pension will mean a lot more to me than it has now.
Sorry if that wasn't insightful, but I'm ready and want to work until I can't any longer and I'm lucky to be in a position that if I score a few good projects I can make enough money in a short period of time. But my life is a brutal stress ball nearly everyday, so I mean there are always pluses and minuses, but I'm living my life without regrets and doing what I love, so my retirement is formed from that.
Nice answer thanks Mighty Atom. It pretty much seems its a work based pension scheme, your company paid into a pot from your earnings which they matched, but instead of returning it to you as soon as you leave, in England they freeze that pot until your retirement age (68 for me for example) then you get it. Which is pretty annoying but also kind of good.
Thanks for an insight on your aims for retirement seems pretty good idea and as you say with a business head on your shoulders probably makes it easier for you to spot the right investments ^_^
 here's to our retirements though good health and good luck!
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 02:23 Chaosu wrote:
Your posts about drinking as a test of your character at works made me think Korea is sick. It's very nice that being drunk is no excuse, but being forced to drink heavy to progress in your career is sick!
It's cultural, if you want to progress in a Korean company you need this skill also to close deals at a higher level; but if you also think some foreigner is going to come to Korea and just close a major deal without drinking a lot, well that is wishful thinking as well. Again, we can judge good or bad, but depending on the situation, we do act or react differently. Now you could say your morals or character wouldn't allow you to do that or this and that is perfectly fine, but don't expect to do business in Korea in a big way etc.
In terms of progress, things are changing in some small ways, and but nothing cultural is so simple to fix or the reasoning behind it so simple to say, Koreans do this because of this reason. While I could go move into it about the real culture and business culture of drinking, I will agree, its not good, its terrible for your body, and I hope one day it changes, but if it doesn't and I still need to close a major deal in Korea, I'll down that bottle and close that deal.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 02:32 pPingu wrote:
Do you like Switzerland?
If you've been anywhere else than Zurich, what is your favorite city?
Of all the countries you've been to, which one(s) are your favorite(s) and why?
edit: oops I think it's out of topic
I absolutely love Switzerland! I've only been to Zurich and Zug (both for business) and I love the clean air here, the families all walking in the streets and the endless amount of water fountains that have water from the lake. I hope to travel around Switzerland the next time I'm here in about a month, but I've been here only 3 times in the last 2 months, so I'm still very much a noobie when it comes to swiss things.
My favorite is, other than Korea, is Switzerland, but other than Switzerland, Japan, but since there is the massive radiation there, I'd have to say New Zealand, but it is so freaking far away but it's just a cool country with lots of lamb and rugby on nearly every day. But really, my heart is always with Korea, everything for me is just perfect there, the saunas/bath houses, the food, the hiking trails, the lovely women to look at and of course the drinking with my friends, relatives and even wife! I think, you're always going to love the place where you are the most comfortable at. No matter how long I've been away from Korea, I always miss it as soon as I board the plane. But it is crappy place to raise kids and that is why I'm planning to move to Switzerland as soon as I can, but learning the Swiss German is freaking tough for an English/French/Korean speaker like me. But I learned 3 phrases already:
ver piss die
vik die
dux sage sexi oosh
meaning (sorry I dont' know the actual spellings)
go piss off
fuck off
you look sexy
^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 04:16 Chairman Ray wrote:
Does a real man crumple or fold?
Either or, but they always get the fuck back up, even if takes a while.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 05:28 NeuroGnar wrote:
while you've said what you think makes a man, what do you think makes a woman?
I'm not sure, the only thing I'm sure about that is that a woman isn't a man and a woman is a woman.
I can't say what makes a woman a woman because I'm a woman and in general, Korean women are usually much better than Korean men in terms of work ethic and responsibility, but what I love about Korean women is that they also know that men are men and women are women. So they do their thing and we do our thing.
But if was to say less directly about it:
I think women can be good if they have a good father figure.
I think if you're blessed with a daughter, you must put the time in to give your daughter attention, more so than the boys.
A bad woman will destroy a good man.
A good woman will redeem a bad man.
And visa versa;
a good man cannot make a bad woman good and will go nuts trying;
and a bad man may hurt a good woman, but ultimately makes himself just even worse.
Other than those the above, I married a woman who puts family first, even before me, and who loves our children beyond anything and never compromises on her standards of how we should live, no matter how difficult it is for me at times to provide, but she is always willing to sacrifice but still not compromise her priorities.
I would say I'm extremely lucky for her support and in that regard,
I'd add in one more thing is that a woman should never put you down in public, but rather tell you the truth in private and knows she has the most powerful hold over her man and that is that she holds a bit of his confidence always, to make or break him on any given day.
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Switzerland2892 Posts
On February 04 2014 08:09 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 02:32 pPingu wrote:
Do you like Switzerland?
If you've been anywhere else than Zurich, what is your favorite city?
Of all the countries you've been to, which one(s) are your favorite(s) and why?
edit: oops I think it's out of topic I absolutely love Switzerland! I've only been to Zurich and Zug (both for business) and I love the clean air here, the families all walking in the streets and the endless amount of water fountains that have water from the lake. I hope to travel around Switzerland the next time I'm here in about a month, but I've been here only 3 times in the last 2 months, so I'm still very much a noobie when it comes to swiss things. My favorite is, other than Korea, is Switzerland, but other than Switzerland, Japan, but since there is the massive radiation there, I'd have to say New Zealand, but it is so freaking far away but it's just a cool country with lots of lamb and rugby on nearly every day. But really, my heart is always with Korea, everything for me is just perfect there, the saunas/bath houses, the food, the hiking trails, the lovely women to look at and of course the drinking with my friends, relatives and even wife! I think, you're always going to love the place where you are the most comfortable at. No matter how long I've been away from Korea, I always miss it as soon as I board the plane. But it is crappy place to raise kids and that is why I'm planning to move to Switzerland as soon as I can, but learning the Swiss German is freaking tough for an English/French/Korean speaker like me. But I learned 3 phrases already: ver piss die vik die dux sage sexi oosh meaning (sorry I dont' know the actual spellings) go piss off fuck off you look sexy ^^
Pretty cool, if you want any advice on what to visit you can always ask me, going around Switzerland and visiting a town is a hobby of mine I do once a week.
And don't worry, you don't really spell Swiss German, seems like it was just created to confuse us from Romandie that learned Hochdeutsch in school.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 06:15 MtlGuitarist97 wrote:
How do you go through something for a long period of time, even if you hate it? I hate high school. I go to a private Catholic high school, even though I'm not Catholic, and I hate it a lot. I don't want to say I hate it every single day I go, but increasingly I just lack the motivation to do well and put up with it. The classes are challenging, boring, and some of them are just complete nonsense. It was my decision to go there, so I guess I should own up to that, but I still have a lot of difficulty not being resentful of going to school each day.
I think what is critical here is that you need to be responsible to yourself first; that if you've made a mistake then try to correct it, if you can't fix it now and have to suffer through it, then you need to make the best out of it. But don't be mindlessly suffering, look for options or way things can be different/better, take the time to find a solution instead of going into slow dive.
But sometimes it hard, when you're younger to realize if you're just being a whinny pussy and you need to just man up and tough it out, or really legitimately, this is not the right choice for you and need to have the courage to make a choice to start over again at new school, incur the wrath of your parents for your initial decision and to just say with brutal honesty, this isn't for me and I chose to confront this because I know I'm just short changing myself.
I would say, for 1 month, just give it your best go, if your resentful, it can make things that are ok, just fucking bad, So give it 1 month, join the clubs, do your best; if after a month nothing has changed, now start looking for solutions and options because we've crossed out the whinny pussy part, so lets be resourceful and figure:
1. why did you chose this school in the first place
2. let make sure you don't make the same mistake twice
3. and the grass is always greener on the other side, so really check and double check before you make a move.
I guess at a greater stage, fundamental is; are we being responsible to ourselves as well, to be better and to grow etc. Sometimes we have massive family commitments and we are good sons and we do the best we can for our parents, like work lane nights at their grocery store or take care of a parent with an addiction or we chose to stay nearby for college just because it would make our parents feel better, but at the end of the day, you will have to be in the best position one day to take on whatever comes your way and simply put, we have one life to live and so we should be the best position we can be to take on those challenges.
At the heart of it, if we recognize that we're not just pussying out, but rather it's legitimate and we're being held back, then we need to do what we need to do to make things better by finding out solutions/options and acting on them and the consequences of it. But being bludgeoned to boredom in your classrom isn't really accepting the consequences of your actions, but maybe its just accepting the fall out from a mistake you made and aren't admitting to your parents to make the change.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 08:09 Roe wrote:
all men are men, huh...
Are you taking this out of context and making it about sexual orientation huh?
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Thanks for the advice Atom. I guess I should have put it that leaving the school's not really an option at this point (I'm halfway through my junior year and leaving would be a nightmare in regards to guidance and college), but I still respect the advice about taking responsibility for the choices. I guess at the very least I found out something that I absolutely don't want for college: I definitely don't want to go to a very religious school, or a school with a small amount of girls (I go to an all guys school now).
So thanks for the tip hyung. I know nothing about Korean culture, but it definitely sounds awesome to have someone guiding you. My dad doesn't live with me and I'm older than my brother, so I generally don't get good life advice from another guy.
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On February 04 2014 08:09 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 04:16 Chairman Ray wrote:
Does a real man crumple or fold? Either or, but they always get the fuck back up, even if takes a while.
But don't you get hemorrhoids if you sit on it for too long?
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On February 04 2014 08:09 MightyAtom wrote:
ver piss die
vik die
dux sage sexi oosh
meaning (sorry I dont' know the actual spellings)
go piss off
fuck off
you look sexy
^^
I died a little in the best way <333
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Hi atom hyung,
Long time admirer, and kinda bummed I didn't ever get to meet you irl but maybe one day. I'd love to talk to you about a lot of stuff, but not really the best time for it, nor would I wanna do it over TL. Just wanted to support and say your advice and life perspective is always awesome to read.
새해 복 많이 받으세요 ^^
건강하시고 힘내세요!
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Korea (South)11570 Posts
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Two schools, study at one abroad for free, but with a small language barrier/no friends, or take student loans and study at home in the native language and with local friends?
Both schools are equally unimpressive.
I don't really have a hard hitting question, I read the first part of this and really enjoyed your answers. You are giving a lot to this community, thank-you.
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Today is my lucky day, I was just rereading all of your old blogs for inspiration when this post appeared!
1. What should the balance be between duty to provide for your family and taking a risk to further your own ambitions?
2. What keeps you going when you are on your third day without sleep, your head is killing you and your whole body is screaming in protest? Outside of your routine of not sleeping, what else helped manage this?
3. What is your biggest achievement both personally and in business in the last 10 years?
The following questions aren't really related to being a man and might sound really random lol but I'm going to ask them anyway:
4. You have previously mentioned in your older posts that when you were working as a consultant, you would see many CEOs and senior management which can't strategise themselves out of a broom closet. How do you think they got there in the first place?
5. What are your thoughts of Alan Joyce, the CEO of Qantas and his decision to ground the airline for a few days two years ago?
6. Have you read the book 'Problem Solving 101' written by Ken Watanabe. The author is apparently an ex-McKinsey consultant and seeks to teach high level problem solving methodologies in the book. I've only started flicking through it but I can't tell if it's bullshit or not.
7. How do you find time to read Game of Thrones, play Dota and sleep in light of your hectic work schedule? (I'm imagining you do these activities like once a week lol)
I'm going to post more but that's all I can think of at the moment.
You're the best.
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On February 04 2014 07:54 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 01:44 Yorbon wrote:
I couldn't stop reading part 1 after i started and went through almost all questions. Just wanted to mention how awesome of a blog that was. Most answers seemed to be very well thought out. As a non-Korean, I enjoyed reading them as well as learning another perspective to look from. Thank you for it.
One question though: I saw the last blog was made in 2011. Have you ever looked back to earlier questions and thought you would answer completely different today?
+ Show Spoiler +I did read through the previous blog before I started this, and surprisingly no, I wouldn't answer it differently probably because I am in my late 30's now, so I've pretty much the guy I've been for the last 5 years or so, maybe I would have answered it differently had I wrote it even 7 years ago.
There is a point where you become the father, the bread winner and it's not about your parent's traditions, but now they are your traditions, I don't justify myself or have insecurities about how I live or what I believe or who I think is wrong or right. I don't need to win any arguments so I can confirm I'm smarter than someone or know more.
Now that cuts both ways, maybe I'm stuck in some wrong thinking now that can't be changed or maybe I don't care about those who are not close to me and have lost some level of compassion or I can think I've lived my life and I only open my mouth when its for people I care about and when I know, insofar as I can know, what I'm talking about. And that comes down to my own views on how hard I have pushed myself to live up to and to fail and to continue to grow in the expectations I've set for myself that were challenging and that made me year on year the better man.
I mean there is a point though, where I should really be clear on my own identity and where I stand on a lot of issues because I have wrestled and have the experience to really now be able to articulate both my feelings and thoughts.
You a lot of guys say, 'i dont give a shit what anyone thinks' but really it's just bravo. And I'll say the same thing, 'I don't give a shit what anyone thinks', but the difference is that is not bravo, rather while I don't give a shit, I am listening, and I am honestly making a judgement does this really matter to me, is it something I can learn from; and reason I can do that is because I am extremely self-assured in my identity of what I know and don't' know and what I do consider right and wrong. And nothing is black and white, but also nothing is just an open rainbow, but rather the decisions I do make come from years of reflection and experience.
but I did read it them through to see if I would change any answers, just in case, instead of assuming that I wouldn't; after all if there were some responses I'd change, I think it would have been a great moment to reflect on why it was like that, but nah, I am what I am. ^^
In a way it's a pity you didn't change, for i find peoples' changes (especially why the change occurred, or the context around a change) particularly interesting. In addition to 'learn from your own mistakes' I generally try to learn from others' as well. The resulting constant movement of my views feels like an endless river at the moment, but maybe that's just me being young. Your train of thought really sounds familiar; that puts me at ease. Thanks for sharing.
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What's your advice to be a hard worker (not strictly at workplace but in life in general)?
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What is faith? I don't mean in a religious sense, but not excluding the religious aspect either. In life. What does it qualitatively feel like, and what's the process for cultivating it?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 08:56 MtlGuitarist97 wrote:
Thanks for the advice Atom. I guess I should have put it that leaving the school's not really an option at this point (I'm halfway through my junior year and leaving would be a nightmare in regards to guidance and college), but I still respect the advice about taking responsibility for the choices. I guess at the very least I found out something that I absolutely don't want for college: I definitely don't want to go to a very religious school, or a school with a small amount of girls (I go to an all guys school now).
So thanks for the tip hyung. I know nothing about Korean culture, but it definitely sounds awesome to have someone guiding you. My dad doesn't live with me and I'm older than my brother, so I generally don't get good life advice from another guy.
Anytime, you can always PM if this thread gets closed, I may not be able to answer right away or it may take 2 months because I went offline for that long, but I'm always willing to support with what I can someone who is sincere here on TL. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 10:12 Chairman Ray wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 08:09 MightyAtom wrote:On February 04 2014 04:16 Chairman Ray wrote:
Does a real man crumple or fold? Either or, but they always get the fuck back up, even if takes a while. But don't you get hemorrhoids if you sit on it for too long?
Probably, but doesn't excuse you from moving on, better late then never, or pussy forever.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 10:49 Tufas wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 08:09 MightyAtom wrote:
ver piss die
vik die
dux sage sexi oosh
meaning (sorry I dont' know the actual spellings)
go piss off
fuck off
you look sexy
^^ I died a little in the best way <333
keke, I'll learn something new today and post it ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 11:02 Ack1027 wrote:
Hi atom hyung,
Long time admirer, and kinda bummed I didn't ever get to meet you irl but maybe one day. I'd love to talk to you about a lot of stuff, but not really the best time for it, nor would I wanna do it over TL. Just wanted to support and say your advice and life perspective is always awesome to read.
새해 복 많이 받으세요 ^^
건강하시고 힘내세요!
Thank you and happy new years too, you can PM any time ^^ but maybe we will see each other at a TL meet-up sooner than later.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 11:14 CaucasianAsian wrote:
white or purple rice?
Honestly, it should be purple all the time, regardless of the age or circumstances, but just know when it's time to change from white to purple I think is good enough. I pretty much only eat purple at home now. One thing is, we get stubborn, especially when the wife is nagging to eat properly and the thing is, health is probably the one thing that men neglect the most. Well, I'd say, whenever you get over 95kg, time to switch to purple rice. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 11:30 Thaniri wrote:
Two schools, study at one abroad for free, but with a small language barrier/no friends, or take student loans and study at home in the native language and with local friends?
Both schools are equally unimpressive.
I don't really have a hard hitting question, I read the first part of this and really enjoyed your answers. You are giving a lot to this community, thank-you.
First off, thanks for being sincere as well, it makes it worth it in my short time off. ^^
Fuck it, go for the one abroad, if we are talking about university it's time to make new friends and experience new thing- plus it's free and I'd say, the experiences that you would have staying at home would be vastly different from the ones you get abroad and this could literally change your entire outlook on life for the the rest of your life.
At your age, I'd say this is relatively little risk for a massive gain.
Yes, there will be a lot more issues, maybe cultural, but a lot of it will force you to recognize your own prejudices and beliefs, and native women love foreign guys, at least the wild ones do ^^ Plus student loans are a bitch. At the end of the day, people either crush undergrad or get crushed, but if you get something out of it, outside of the grades, it stays with you forever. I studied abroad as well, and I don't regret it for second, even though sometimes it was so tough.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 11:50 Trainninja wrote:
Today is my lucky day, I was just rereading all of your old blogs for inspiration when this post appeared!
1. What should the balance be between duty to provide for your family and taking a risk to further your own ambitions?
2. What keeps you going when you are on your third day without sleep, your head is killing you and your whole body is screaming in protest? Outside of your routine of not sleeping, what else helped manage this?
3. What is your biggest achievement both personally and in business in the last 10 years?
The following questions aren't really related to being a man and might sound really random lol but I'm going to ask them anyway:
4. You have previously mentioned in your older posts that when you were working as a consultant, you would see many CEOs and senior management which can't strategise themselves out of a broom closet. How do you think they got there in the first place?
5. What are your thoughts of Alan Joyce, the CEO of Qantas and his decision to ground the airline for a few days two years ago?
6. Have you read the book 'Problem Solving 101' written by Ken Watanabe. The author is apparently an ex-McKinsey consultant and seeks to teach high level problem solving methodologies in the book. I've only started flicking through it but I can't tell if it's bullshit or not.
7. How do you find time to read Game of Thrones, play Dota and sleep in light of your hectic work schedule? (I'm imagining you do these activities like once a week lol)
I'm going to post more but that's all I can think of at the moment.
You're the best.
^^ ok now you're making me work. keke
1. What should the balance be between duty to provide for your family and taking a risk to further your own ambitions?
As a son, you do as much as you can, but there comes a point where you may feel frustration that you are being held back or you make a couple of sacrifices over a couple of years, but things are really the same. In some ways, your family being dependent on you in such a big way is just keeping things as status quo and no matter how much it hurts, or you feel you are being a bad son, there will be a time to step up to start to really be the man you're supposed to be. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's very true, after all, if it is about becoming more capable, then five years down the road maybe you come back to the family situation and really make a dramatic contribution rather than having been held back for 5 years and become resigned or resentful.
In terms of being a father or husband, I'd say as a husband, young families take risks to re-locate, on new businesses and if your ambition is for the good of your family, you have that right to make the decision - but once the kids come out, you need to be brutally honest, is your ambition for the family or strictly just for yourself and recognize your children deserve the best you can give them, and maybe sacrifices need to be made for their future, but they are equally as important as your ambition at times. I mean we take on ambition to provide more or ensure stability for our family, but there is a point as a father you can't risk it so much that your children don't get a solid chance, you brought them into the world, they give you the gift of their love, we need to respect that- and the degree in which we understand that may be cultural, but as a son, or when the kids are very young, do what you need to do - that much should be clear - to come back the best man you can be.
2. What keeps you going when you are on your third day without sleep, your head is killing you and your whole body is screaming in protest? Outside of your routine of not sleeping, what else helped manage this?
I can't do this anymore, my body is too worn out, but I still needed to do it; I do 5 push-ups, wash my face with cold water, literally every 15-20 mins. Also watching the sun rise is also re-energizing. Eventually you may get into zombie mode, where you just stop thinking about how long or how much longer, but your performance suffers greatly, you are there, but you're quick or reacting with anything creative. Outside of having to do this; don't, getting a good sleep increases desperation and productivity by a factor of 10 at least.
3. What is your biggest achievement both personally and in business in the last 10 years?
Personally, marrying the right woman instead of my ex-gf who I was madly in love with and was for the most part the girl of my dreams. I was lucky in that regards. Had I married my ex-gf I do not think I'd be a successful as I am now.
Business wise, my biggest achievement corporate wise was opening up 6 new national markets within a span of 2 years and 90 flights, but really I think the biggest business achievement was going off on my own in 2010 and still surviving up to this point; I'm not widely successful yet, but for all the things I've given up, by 2014 I finally know and see that I risked it all and it was worth it, regardless how it pans out in the next year. I can die not regretting that at least in business, that I did give it my all and pressed myself to the maximum.
4. You have previously mentioned in your older posts that when you were working as a consultant, you would see many CEOs and senior management which can't strategise themselves out of a broom closet. How do you think they got there in the first place?
Actually there are really just handful of really talented managers, most people have the right background, right training and really rode their success on the market, meaning that the market was growing, so everything they did was basically correct. It is just when shit hits the fan or a new competitor comes in that really knows what they are doing, do people realize that they dont' know what the fuck they've been really doing, but actually this realization happens quite late as all their careers they have been told or thought that they were really the architects of their success, so it just so hard to see. Plus, when the market is down, everyone is down and how many times are their major strategic decisions to be made in an established firm? Not many. The best book for this, would be reading 'good to great'. whether you are in business or not, it is an essential read to get perspective on what it really means to lead and manage.
5. What are your thoughts of Alan Joyce, the CEO of Qantas and his decision to ground the airline for a few days two years ago?
I was actually in Melbourne at the time and was flying at the time as well to Singapore for a wedding on Jetstar. All I can say is, when you get to that point where such an extreme decision was made, you fucked up a lot of times on the way to disaster. It is the same like divorce, people don't fight once and decide to get a divorce, it is unresolved things upon unresolved things over time that just make it impossible to solve a problem when it becomes so buried and all that seems to be an option is time apart.
6. Have you read the book 'Problem Solving 101' written by Ken Watanabe. The author is apparently an ex-McKinsey consultant and seeks to teach high level problem solving methodologies in the book. I've only started flicking through it but I can't tell if it's bullshit or not.
Seems like a good starter book for someone not in business and general society.
7. How do you find time to read Game of Thrones, play Dota and sleep in light of your hectic work schedule? (I'm imagining you do these activities like once a week lol)
Well, Game of Thrones only too 2 weeks to get through all the books and it was a bit exhausting but well worth it and Dota is at least 3 days a week for a couple of games- simply put, both are my ways of de-stressing and feeling a bit normal- although sometimes in dota I get more upset than destressed. But I dont' feel guilty about those things; I need something to get my mind off things that I can't figure out and reading/dota helps me reset a bit. And sleep, when I need to sleep, I sleep, I just pack it in an get as much sleep as I can. You need to know if you're a morning or night person, I'm definitely a day person, so the earlier I sleep the more productive I know I'll be the next day and if I can finish everything a bit earlier, then I can squeeze in a game of dota before my wife makes me feel guilty for not playing with the boys more. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 11:59 Yorbon wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 07:54 MightyAtom wrote:On February 04 2014 01:44 Yorbon wrote:
I couldn't stop reading part 1 after i started and went through almost all questions. Just wanted to mention how awesome of a blog that was. Most answers seemed to be very well thought out. As a non-Korean, I enjoyed reading them as well as learning another perspective to look from. Thank you for it.
One question though: I saw the last blog was made in 2011. Have you ever looked back to earlier questions and thought you would answer completely different today?
+ Show Spoiler +I did read through the previous blog before I started this, and surprisingly no, I wouldn't answer it differently probably because I am in my late 30's now, so I've pretty much the guy I've been for the last 5 years or so, maybe I would have answered it differently had I wrote it even 7 years ago.
There is a point where you become the father, the bread winner and it's not about your parent's traditions, but now they are your traditions, I don't justify myself or have insecurities about how I live or what I believe or who I think is wrong or right. I don't need to win any arguments so I can confirm I'm smarter than someone or know more.
Now that cuts both ways, maybe I'm stuck in some wrong thinking now that can't be changed or maybe I don't care about those who are not close to me and have lost some level of compassion or I can think I've lived my life and I only open my mouth when its for people I care about and when I know, insofar as I can know, what I'm talking about. And that comes down to my own views on how hard I have pushed myself to live up to and to fail and to continue to grow in the expectations I've set for myself that were challenging and that made me year on year the better man.
I mean there is a point though, where I should really be clear on my own identity and where I stand on a lot of issues because I have wrestled and have the experience to really now be able to articulate both my feelings and thoughts.
You a lot of guys say, 'i dont give a shit what anyone thinks' but really it's just bravo. And I'll say the same thing, 'I don't give a shit what anyone thinks', but the difference is that is not bravo, rather while I don't give a shit, I am listening, and I am honestly making a judgement does this really matter to me, is it something I can learn from; and reason I can do that is because I am extremely self-assured in my identity of what I know and don't' know and what I do consider right and wrong. And nothing is black and white, but also nothing is just an open rainbow, but rather the decisions I do make come from years of reflection and experience.
but I did read it them through to see if I would change any answers, just in case, instead of assuming that I wouldn't; after all if there were some responses I'd change, I think it would have been a great moment to reflect on why it was like that, but nah, I am what I am. ^^ In a way it's a pity you didn't change, for i find peoples' changes (especially why the change occurred, or the context around a change) particularly interesting. In addition to 'learn from your own mistakes' I generally try to learn from others' as well. The resulting constant movement of my views feels like an endless river at the moment, but maybe that's just me being young. Your train of thought really sounds familiar; that puts me at ease. Thanks for sharing.
^^, I was expecting something to be different as well, frankly, but I think for something fundamental like this; it is about right, this isn't something I should be flip flopping on, but if you read my blogs on my own perception of myself in business, I've change drastically in the last 4 years. But things like a man's self assurance and my cultural identity and how I interact with the opposite sex, nah, that is pretty much set for me ^^.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 12:02 darkness wrote:
What's your advice to be a hard worker (not strictly at workplace but in life in general)?
Be focused and understand what that means.
Try to look and find in some my old blog posts, but basically, you need to just be able to make your life pockets of focus; that when you do one thing, it is only that one thing which is on the table;
I think multi-tasking is about concentration and managing a situation;
but focus is about doing a single task well that leads to an achievement.
Say, you're going to a marathon runner, you focus.
Say you're working at Starbucks and one of your staff is late, and you're all over the place, but you pull it together,
great, you managed the situation, saved the day, but you're real accomplishment is?
When you're focused your are looking towards achievement and I think that is what makes someone a 'hard worker' to get that sense and level of achievement.
The only thing I really think that is essential that I need to make my sons understand is:
the importance of focus over that of concentration or just doing well; because only focus leads to achievement, nothing else.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 13:08 KurtistheTurtle wrote:
What is faith? I don't mean in a religious sense, but not excluding the religious aspect either. In life. What does it qualitatively feel like, and what's the process for cultivating it?
When I was doing my Masters in Divinity (theology basically), I came up with a working definition that as worked for me and that takes away the fluffy airy bullshit - for me anyway-.
Faith is seeing how God sees the world. And your development of faith is that constant development towards being closer to seeing in that way. Of course as Christian, the true sight of faith comes from being in Christ to God, but regardless of true sight or not, I think for the moments we do have faith, we see how things should be rather than how the world has made them to be.
I'd only say if you take my working definition of faith, then it is all matter of testing whether or not the views are aligned by acting at times contrary to what is the social norm in judging others, but before that, to really pray on a daily and regular basic and take it from there. Faith is not a rational or feeling behavior, it is to see the world as God sees it, then it's all about pray first - I personally would say - and then acts of compassion and protection for those who are judged marginalized and punished in our society. That eventually, you see the world by a different set of standards which lead not to further judgement, but reconciliation and of course love.
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On February 04 2014 14:57 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 11:59 Yorbon wrote:On February 04 2014 07:54 MightyAtom wrote:On February 04 2014 01:44 Yorbon wrote:
I couldn't stop reading part 1 after i started and went through almost all questions. Just wanted to mention how awesome of a blog that was. Most answers seemed to be very well thought out. As a non-Korean, I enjoyed reading them as well as learning another perspective to look from. Thank you for it.
One question though: I saw the last blog was made in 2011. Have you ever looked back to earlier questions and thought you would answer completely different today?
+ Show Spoiler +I did read through the previous blog before I started this, and surprisingly no, I wouldn't answer it differently probably because I am in my late 30's now, so I've pretty much the guy I've been for the last 5 years or so, maybe I would have answered it differently had I wrote it even 7 years ago.
There is a point where you become the father, the bread winner and it's not about your parent's traditions, but now they are your traditions, I don't justify myself or have insecurities about how I live or what I believe or who I think is wrong or right. I don't need to win any arguments so I can confirm I'm smarter than someone or know more.
Now that cuts both ways, maybe I'm stuck in some wrong thinking now that can't be changed or maybe I don't care about those who are not close to me and have lost some level of compassion or I can think I've lived my life and I only open my mouth when its for people I care about and when I know, insofar as I can know, what I'm talking about. And that comes down to my own views on how hard I have pushed myself to live up to and to fail and to continue to grow in the expectations I've set for myself that were challenging and that made me year on year the better man.
I mean there is a point though, where I should really be clear on my own identity and where I stand on a lot of issues because I have wrestled and have the experience to really now be able to articulate both my feelings and thoughts.
You a lot of guys say, 'i dont give a shit what anyone thinks' but really it's just bravo. And I'll say the same thing, 'I don't give a shit what anyone thinks', but the difference is that is not bravo, rather while I don't give a shit, I am listening, and I am honestly making a judgement does this really matter to me, is it something I can learn from; and reason I can do that is because I am extremely self-assured in my identity of what I know and don't' know and what I do consider right and wrong. And nothing is black and white, but also nothing is just an open rainbow, but rather the decisions I do make come from years of reflection and experience.
but I did read it them through to see if I would change any answers, just in case, instead of assuming that I wouldn't; after all if there were some responses I'd change, I think it would have been a great moment to reflect on why it was like that, but nah, I am what I am. ^^ In a way it's a pity you didn't change, for i find peoples' changes (especially why the change occurred, or the context around a change) particularly interesting. In addition to 'learn from your own mistakes' I generally try to learn from others' as well. The resulting constant movement of my views feels like an endless river at the moment, but maybe that's just me being young. Your train of thought really sounds familiar; that puts me at ease. Thanks for sharing. ^^, I was expecting something to be different as well, frankly, but I think for something fundamental like this; it is about right, this isn't something I should be flip flopping on, but if you read my blogs on my own perception of myself in business, I've change drastically in the last 4 years. But things like a man's self assurance and my cultural identity and how I interact with the opposite sex, nah, that is pretty much set for me ^^. I vaguely remember reading part of a blog on some business experiences written by you quite a while back. I might just give that a try indeed, should be interesting.
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Hey MA. I've read a lot of your blogs and love every bit of them ^_^
Here's my question: how to improve social skills?
I consider myself to be more introverted, so in most social situations, I just try to ask questions and let the other person talk. It works and makes the encounter less awkward, but, in my experience, it doesn't create many deep relationships. I feel that by not really talking much myself, I'm not giving much value to another person. Still, I would prefer silence than hearing myself bullshitting about uninteresting stuff. I have a few good friends who are not bothered by my preference to silence that much, but I feel it's hard to make new friends with my current state. Although I don't find this a pressing issue, social skills is one of the areas I want to improve, so I would like to hear your comment about this.
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I've found that it's extremely easy to troll people who think they are smart, both in real life and on TL. I think that contributing things that have merit is really difficult and the easy-way-out is to troll people. Do you think that I should focus on re-igniting my passion for creating content worth while? I often don't feel like creating actual content or posting anything of substance since I feel like i dont have the passion in me anymore and I dont get any pleasure out of it anymore. As such, if I continue to troll, I'll feel happy but at the same time, I'll feel kinda sad that I'm not doing anything of merit.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 15:47 boon2537 wrote:
Hey MA. I've read a lot of your blogs and love every bit of them ^_^
Here's my question: how to improve social skills?
I consider myself to be more introverted, so in most social situations, I just try to ask questions and let the other person talk. It works and makes the encounter less awkward, but, in my experience, it doesn't create many deep relationships. I feel that by not really talking much myself, I'm not giving much value to another person. Still, I would prefer silence than hearing myself bullshitting about uninteresting stuff. I have a few good friends who are not bothered by my preference to silence that much, but I feel it's hard to make new friends with my current state. Although I don't find this a pressing issue, social skills is one of the areas I want to improve, so I would like to hear your comment about this.
Hey boon2537,
it's funny because I was extremely extroverted when I was younger, but so sick of hearing myself blab on about bullshit, I forced myself to shut up and just listen a lot more ^^
I think the first thing is that, since it isn't naturally you, you need to actually make a conscious effort each and every time you engage, but I think it definitely is a range from introverted to extroverted.
But you need to recognize, a lot of guys you see who are charming, well dress, good dancers, for them, its important and they put a lot of time into doing their hair, picking the clothes they want to wear: for them this is how they express themselves by being an image and of course there is a balance here, too much image, no substance - you'll never get the sophisticated hot ladies, too much substance no image, the ladies except for the one doing her phd - aint going to be looking at you any time soon.
I'd think that you seem very self aware in any case, so this isn't going to be a big stretch for you, and I think for the most part, introverts have extremely good basis for social skills in that, they see the moments when there is awkward silence and do they listen to others, whereas extroverts don't generally care they just go on and on, which does give them a stage to show case their personality, but you'd be surprised as well that they may have many friends and buddies they hang around with but really few close ones as well -
I think though the issue lies in the engage of communication process. You know when you should speak, but your topic doesn't flow like a nice story, sometimes there is no punch line or ending and maybe you slow down the pace of the conversation and all I can say is, its all about getting use to speaking with noticing the cues of others and also just pressing on regardless if you get awkward cues and just drawing them in;
it's like a stand up comic and they have a bad line, but if they press on they can redeem themselves.
The other issue is that extoverts have a lot of cool shit/events that have happened to them recently, no shortage of cool stories that happened last week or yesterday, but introverts tend not to have any real stories that they are the main characters in. So if you try to think of such a story on the spot to add to the topic, likely you will crash and burn. But youll notice that introverts that play a lot of dota or wow, they have lots of cool shit that happened to them in the game, and they can talk endless stories about that, but its not that the rest of the world cares ^^
Extroverts are not looking for a meaningful conversation every time, they just want to feel some energy going on, introverts want to spend meaningful time or then time alone and one major thing would be that introverts that try to play the extrovert game straight get brutally exhausted from enduring all the bullshit to get word in edgewise, while extroverts feel completely repressed to wait their turn to speak and try to listen.
So, I wanted to write the above as a background to my advice.
1. Pick your battles
you see someone you think is interesting, you'd like to get to know more, as a person or a girl, then just observe and don't waste your energy on every person out there, just expend it upon people you think may be worth it. You want a few good more friends or at least see what is out there, then you need to put more effort into it, im no saying hunt down possible friend candidates, but put the effort in if you think that person would be interesting to be friends with and see where it goes.
2. You need to be very deliberate
I know it seems fake, but this ain't a natural state for you, so be sure to pick up cues, but also don't just crop your sentence mid-line just because they want to interject, finish what you have to say, but also the cues you pick to finish off the story faster or to get to the point or to explain in more detail some parts of your story, be aware of it. Some introverts when they finally get the floor, they just go on non-stop and pour out there entire existence and thoughts on the meaning of life. But in any case, sooner or later you will naturally pick up on these engagement cues and it will be natural, but your greatest strength is still your listening.
3. Listening to respond or listening as a sounding post, are two different things
You want to be an active participant in a conversation to add in your 2 cents to show off your darling personality. Just listening so the other person can listen to themselves speak is a waste of time (unless it is a hot chick), but seriously even that, if by the end of it, they know nothing about you then they come away with no impression.
4. Your content for stories
Hell, if you follow what they are saying, you're likely not going to have a story, but I'd say, easiest thing to do is just mention some cool thing that is happening in the world news or something like that and give your opinion on it and also mention straight that you're really more of a listener than a talker. If you do need to hear a story, interject with questions, well what about that, or how did you feel about that, then you can start to share your feelings or thoughts on a more bitsize level. But yes, it's bullshit, but on some level, a bit of your personality will always come out.
5. It is a long time process
It took me about 5 years of deliberate awareness to be more of a listener and introvert and at times I went too far, fundamentally nothing is going to change the fact that I am extroverted, words come easy to me, I have a ton of stories, but I think my need to understand others, especially in business far outweighs my need to entertain myself or stroke my ego.
6. Lastly, sometimes you need to talk to yourself
Well, I haven't done this for ages, but when I was a kid, like 12 years old, I would get into all these arguments with evil nerdy bitchy girls, so sometimes I'd win, sometimes I'd lose, but when I'd go home, I'd go through the conversation and re-act it differently and actually speak what I wanted to say, sometime like martial arts practice for the egotistical little asshole that I was. But, it did help, kind of prepping myself for whatever was coming and I haven't thought of that for ages, but maybe I had the compulsion to be an extrovert, but even expressing myself too an effort to express myself with style.
Just keep in mind, its not just about the content, but the act of the delivery which can be exciting on to itself and watching peoples reactions - and that is what naturally drives an extrovert - the energy of the discussion and maybe focusing on that, rather than just the content may be a good mental start apart from the points above.
Cheers,
MA
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 17:12 tshi wrote:
I've found that it's extremely easy to troll people who think they are smart, both in real life and on TL. I think that contributing things that have merit is really difficult and the easy-way-out is to troll people. Do you think that I should focus on re-igniting my passion for creating content worth while? I often don't feel like creating actual content or posting anything of substance since I feel like i dont have the passion in me anymore and I dont get any pleasure out of it anymore. As such, if I continue to troll, I'll feel happy but at the same time, I'll feel kinda sad that I'm not doing anything of merit.
I think there are 2 things here:
1. it is easy to be the critic, but its fucking tough to put ourselves out there when we know we will get smashed by someone even if our intentions are good or sincere, no matter how thick skinned you are, it bothers everyone to different degrees. I mean I do both, I don't troll people online, but in real life during business meetings, I'll pick on the guy who is trying to impress without knowing who they are talking with, but more for banter and to separate the men from the boys at the table. But if I troll during a business meeting, I'd really be ready to back up my shit or else I'll just look like an insecure asshole.
I mean, you're not trolling to make them better people, rather, they must have an iq around 120-130, know that they are smarter than average, but also have an insecurity that they aren't really that smart, so they go around trying to prove to everyone how smart they really are. But if you're iq is about 135, then you smash eh, but if you're iq is plus 140, you really kinda feel sorry for those guys (at least you feel pity the older you get, but when you're young, it's annoying as shit).
But my point is, you gotta ask yourself, do you also get a kick out of trolling these guys because you want to show you're more intelligent then they are because you know you're at least smarter than them, but is fundamentally just as insecure as them; or it could that you are that smart, but you're just really immature and enjoy hurting people that annoy you. But I think it probably is the later simply because you do seem very self aware of your actions and the other part of it, ie. the merit part. So maybe you're just really bored and have become a bit of a slacker in this regard because of your lack of passion. But if it a matter that you troll and don't contribute in a meaningful way because you're actually insecure about your own intelligence, then you should really just do something else entirely than wasting your time here. Besides saying, grow up or whatever, as a hyung, I'd say, it's just a general waste of time.
2. In terms of not having a pleasure of passion anymore, that is something more related to your general life of where you are at. of course you should re-focus on re-igniting your passion, but that goes without saying that it is more productive than trolling, rather, I think it sounds like you're capable, but generally just bored and not challenged and the content you'd be producing wouldnt' really be great new content, but just a rehash of what you put your time into.
I'd say, if you're not really being an asshole here and trolling me with a question that you seem more than capable of answering yourself, which really does seem to be the case and since I've committed to answer these questions sincerely, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt there, then you need in general more new life experience, like go travel or get a challenging job or get a really hot girlfriend or a few hot girlfriends and then come back to write with some real passion of either pain or enjoyment rather than it being just a big intellectual ego trip of showing what you can do better than others. Cause maybe that is good content for others just as it is but it's just a big waste of time for you.
If you are good, why settle for being good and why not go for the greatest?
There is this thing we say among management consultants when we train the noobies.
'Everyone in this room is smart, the smartest, the quickest thinking, etc but the difference is, that whatever you said or suggested before that was so brilliant before, it was brilliant because everyone else was average, right now, you are average, whatever your first thought that you think solves the problem is garbage, it just shows that you're in the right room, but it wont' impress us or our clients or the CEO who has been running the business for 20 years. What we need is that whatever you say as your next response, it should be the same level of response as if you had 2 weeks to think about only that question and that it is 2 weeks ahead of whatever bullshit that is going to come out of your average heads.'
why be good among the average, and I think that is the real question you should asking, instead of the bullshit you posted above ^^ lets see you be great among the best, take on that, and you'll get your passion back.
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Reading the old blog and this one really shows how different Scandinavian culture is when you explain the gender roles in Korea, how business works and how to be a "man" etc.
Even if it is sometimes a pretty scary and a very backward (in my opinion and from what I have been growing up with) point of view - I really enjoy your contribution.
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All nude mixed gender german style sauna or noob variant with swimwear? Any preference?
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Thanks a lot for doing this again, it's always informative and helpful.
A few questions off the top of my head:
1) What advice would you give to LGBT youth in Korea?
2) Another Korean conversation question. I find that when I meet new people (ie: Koreans), it's difficult to hold conversations that go anywhere or build rapport. Also, when I meet someone new (in an everyday, non-business setting) I never know how or when to switch from 존댓말 into 반말. Since it doesn't actually mean anything to me other than being grammatically different, I'm more than happy to just talk with someone in 존댓말 forever, but I realise that it makes a difference on the other person's part. How do Koreans negotiate this? I realise that age is a factor here, and the fact that I'm a foreigner. Any tips?
3) How do you feel about women who have PhDs or are very successful in their careers and complain that they can't find a good man? On a related note, do you think Korea will ever achieve greater gender equality?
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Hi MightyAtom! Always enjoyed your blogs.
edit: nm
Hope all your business is going well!
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 20:01 Gosi wrote:Reading the old blog and this one really shows how different Scandinavian culture is when you explain the gender roles in Korea, how business works and how to be a "man" etc. Even if it is sometimes a pretty scary and a very backward (in my opinion and from what I have been growing up with) point of view - I really enjoy your contribution.
Thanks, you know what though, a lot of women I've met from Sweden or the UK who said the same thing at the beginning of a night going out - that I was too culturally chauvinistic for them, said by the end of the night that it was also nice to be treated like a woman as well. Go figure ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 20:37 Maxhster wrote:
All nude mixed gender german style sauna or noob variant with swimwear? Any preference?
In Korea all nude male ok,
in Germany- I tried, seriously I tried, but when I saw the daughter and mother there, I couldn't bring myself to do it;
and I'd rather not look like a noob, so I abstained the saunas in Germany, but I did get my Swedish massage in the nude though.^^ I don't know if you can call it pussying out or that it is cultural, but I just couldn't bring myself to go in there. haha.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 21:11 FuRong wrote:
Thanks a lot for doing this again, it's always informative and helpful.
A few questions off the top of my head:
1) What advice would you give to LGBT youth in Korea?
2) Another Korean conversation question. I find that when I meet new people (ie: Koreans), it's difficult to hold conversations that go anywhere or build rapport. Also, when I meet someone new (in an everyday, non-business setting) I never know how or when to switch from 존댓말 into 반말. Since it doesn't actually mean anything to me other than being grammatically different, I'm more than happy to just talk with someone in 존댓말 forever, but I realise that it makes a difference on the other person's part. How do Koreans negotiate this? I realise that age is a factor here, and the fact that I'm a foreigner. Any tips?
3) How do you feel about women who have PhDs or are very successful in their careers and complain that they can't find a good man? On a related note, do you think Korea will ever achieve greater gender equality?
1. The first question is a very hard one, in fact I had too look up what was LGBT because I was ignorant of the term. As you may know that Koreans don't really have strong sub-cultures (not like the Japanese), maybe you can call it fringe cultures but Korean's accept the sterotypes, like if you are LGBT then if you are in fashion or a photographer or arts or hairdressing etc, then its fine, like Andre Kim, one of our most famous designers was openly quite homosexual, but he was extremely respected. But Korea has to be one of the harder places on the planet for LGBT. Although some would say, all our boy Kpop stars look like homosexuals half girls, but really young girls love em, so I guess it works - but besides that.
For general advice, I'm at a loss for words, if I think that if my sons were gay, I would do my best to hold on to our father son relationship and then just play it as it goes, I don't think I would be super supportive of them just joining a gay community group as I have some gay friends and they tend to be a bit over the top in terms of their own views of promiscuity etc. But it may be just my small sample of friends. But Korea isn't a good place to raise LGBT, maybe Paris or even Tokyo would be better, but I'd say, if you can, keep your relationship with your parents, they may not understand but they will still love you even if they push you away, keep the relationship with them.
2. Rule of thumb, always speak formal until they say, 'hey its fine, just speak casual' and that's it, depending on where you come from in Korea and your social class it will always be different, but just start formal until they say it's fine. For some it is 10 seconds, for others it be for many days until you're both drunk and then they finally say, 'hey lets speak casual'. For some foreigners who have lived a long time in Korea, they assume it is always about age, so since they are older the think they can dictate when it is time to speak informally or sometimes the just speak informally when they find out the person is younger. This is actually wrong, you need to judge what type of relationship it is, even if your'e older, if the relationship is not going to a personal one, there is no reason for anyone to speak casual level. It makes the foreigner look extremely ignorant and chances are the foreigner has many open minded Korean friends, so they won't correct this, but it's not right. But just follow the rule of thumb, in fact, waiting until they say so, shows your good manners really and anyone who says otherwise, I'm sorry to say, is very uneducated (but that doesn't make them less fun or loving ^^).
3. I love those ultra alpha women and they tend to love me too haha, but that is because I'm an ultra ultra alpha male and there in lines the issue. An alpha woman wants an alpha male, but few alpha men are that alpha. And alpha women tend to make a checklist so a date with them is more like a job interview. So in Korea, these women are destined to be maids, unless they marry a well educated foreign ex-pat, which a lot of them do. But Korean men love to be called oppa. Personally not me, but, I'm really not the norm, all of my ex-gf were extremely alpha cause I love a strong woman.
Well, gender equality is happening now, slowly, but those in their 20's are 10 times more equal in their attitudes than those in their late 30's, but even late 30's is about 5 time more than those in the 40's. So its definitely changed, but Korea is not about gender equality, but rather gender roles. Unless women fight for their right to be equally conscripted into the army, Korea will continue to be about gender roles rather than gender equality. Korean women want to be treated like women and we dont want our sisters and wives going to the army and shooting guns and being in the line of fire either. We want to protect our women and our women want to be pampered by us. But nowadays, the scope of the gender roles is being expanded where the men do household work, wash dishes, etc, but true equality is not really a goal in Korea because of our understanding of the gender roles.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 04 2014 22:39 teamamerica wrote:
Hi MightyAtom! Always enjoyed your blogs.
edit: nm
Hope all your business is going well!
Thanks, business is about to relaunch, although it's been in relaunch mode for nearly 4 months now, but I think I'm nearly there to starting to kick some booty again and exert my influence on the market in a megalomaniac kind of way again. ^^
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How does someone go from being a pussy to being focused and getting work done? I've been putting off starting a big project for a long time and I can't seem to get started with it. What advice do you have for someone who needs to focus and get the passion back for the work?
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Korea (South)11570 Posts
Hey, I really enjoy all your responses. You truly are a wonderful man, and if given the opportunity, I'd love to join you for a drink, or a meal, or both.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 00:14 Ghin wrote:
How does someone go from being a pussy to being focused and getting work done? I've been putting off starting a big project for a long time and I can't seem to get started with it. What advice do you have for someone who needs to focus and get the passion back for the work?
While I do repeat this a lot, I think it is the fundamental start of achievement in general.
Focus is something a lot different than what most people think it is, for most people, they use the words concentration and focus interchangeably.
The simplest example I can give you is the radio is on, so you concentrate on your work, in spite of the music.
Or the radio is on, and you turn it off, and there is nothing, just you and your work, that is focus. When there is nothing else but you and your work.
You need to simply resolve what is outstanding, take a bit of will power, take off the internet and put yourself in a room with the project and just have nothing else going on, tell your friends to fuck off for the day and then just have nothing left to do, but to do this, and that is focus. It does take some will power, so you need to start when you're at your best, whether you get a good night's early sleep at 9pm start, and wake up at 5am take a shower and get started when there is nothing. Then it's a moment of truth; take out a white sheet of paper, write the down the time, write down hourly increments, and when you want to get certain things done, then just work, and you'll miss some times, but if you have focused (meaning there is nothing to distract you), you will eventually get down to it.
In terms of passion, it's all linked to the big picture, but in small steps, read, again, 'good to great' and I think it can help at least articulate somethings and get your mind pumping a bit. Sometimes, we are just bogged down and we get depressed by work and nothing inspires us, because it is just so blah, but read up on the subject, start to think of new ideas/projects that are an offshoot of when you complete your current project and sometimes, you just need to put yourself in that environment when you can focus, then you need to man the fuck up and do it.
Just say this: I am a machine.
and just fucking mindless break that motherfucking work down.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 00:20 CaucasianAsian wrote:
Hey, I really enjoy all your responses. You truly are a wonderful man, and if given the opportunity, I'd love to join you for a drink, or a meal, or both.
Hey thanks ^^ well I hope when I have a chance I and I'm back in Korea we can organize a TL meet up to end all TL meet ups, just got to sort out some work first ^^ but I'm totally up for that as well.
Cheers!
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How racist are the Koreans, Chinese and Japanese? I've heard that it's really bad in Korea and Japan (esp when it comes to marriage) while Chinese people are more open to whites but that's about it.
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Are Swiss men manlier than other men?
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It's bad to generalise but what makes Koreans stand out from the rest of the world in terms of positive character?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 03:16 JieXian wrote:
How racist are the Koreans, Chinese and Japanese? I've heard that it's really bad in Korea and Japan (esp when it comes to marriage) while Chinese people are more open to whites but that's about it.
This question has 2 levels, the mass not so educated level and the educated level.
The mass not so educated level:
Mainland Chinese: I'd say more like distrust than outright hatred but if you're a successful white guy and you marry the farmer's daughter or a rich Singaporean, great, but if you're a poor brown guy, no fucking way.
Hong Kong: Not really at all, lots of mixed kids in HK.
Taiwan: The land of macho guys, if you're a rich foreigner who can appreciate Chinese things, they are fine with it too, brown guy, not so much.
But generally speaking, Chinese are less racist than Koreans and Japanese.
Koreans: pretty fucking racist off the bat, but, if you can prove yourself to be a good guy, brown or white or whatever, the friendship will be real and true and a circle of true friends can be made, but the racism is different; with white guys its more of a piss match, (when it comes down to it) and anyone dark skinned is just not really considered at all.
Japanese: pretty fucking racist and slightly more than Koreans, but, outside of anyone you marry, you will never be accepted in pure social circle unlike Korea (correct me if you think I'm wrong anyone, but I'm right, so you're wasting your breath), but they pretty much are racist against everyone equally including whites to browns.
On the educated level in the context of marriage.
Chinese don't care too much as long as your family is rich.
Koreans still care but if your family is respectable and high class for your country (not necessarily rich), it may be acceptable.
Japanese still care, but will accept it.
I think another way to look at it is when you speak their language.
A Chinese person will find joy when you try to speak to them in Chinese
A Korean will feel pride when you try to speak to them in Korean (if your a white), if you're an overseas Korean with a bad accent (if they are low educated) they will act indignant and insulted (cause its a pride thing that you're supposed to be Korean so why the hell can't you speak Korean)
A Japanese will smile and recognize the effort.
But if your'e fluent in their language, a telling point comes out.
In Chinese, they adore you and think you are now like a Chinese.
In Korea they are filled with pride and shock that you can speak Korean, but you're more like a novelty than anything else.
In Japan they complement you and now feel they need to watch their words and are a bit suspicious of you that you can figure them out.
So take what you will from this; Sweden is a pretty discriminatory place as well etc, but there is a line between ignorance and educated and keeping one's culture intact as a country. Where that line is, I'm not going to make a judgement here, but if some foreigner says they want equal rights in my country and always shocked when things are not up to their sense of morality, seriously, you're in Korea, we're Korean, fuck off. When I'm in Switzerland, and people look at sometimes, well I'm the only white person sized Korean they have ever seen and I drink 5 pints of beer during Octoberfest and kiss the girls a bit more than I should when I'm saying good bye, well fuck it, of course they gonna look, I'm a foreigner to their land, and I respect their laws and enjoy their customs.
But dont' let it get you down, there will always be good and bad people, fuck the bad people and just enjoy the time with the good. It aint personal, it's just the way the world is.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 03:36 blubbdavid wrote:
Are Swiss men manlier than other men?
I think so, they pretty bad ass in how they manage my cash lol.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 04:00 darkness wrote:
It's bad to generalise but what makes Koreans stand out from the rest of the world in terms of positive character?
Intensity, practicality and honest emotion.
Koreans can be fucking hot/cold/warm/crazy/loving/psycho etc at any time all the time, but whatever we do, we do it to the max. We are intensely physical, emotional, spiritual, irrational and practical. Look at our pro gamer, and these kids are the ones who decided to flip off school and play games, think about all the kids that didn't do pro gaming and went to study and went into samsung and are building galaxy 8 by now. We are an intense people, including when love is in the air or in the bed. If we are friends, we are friends to the end, if we are enemies, then we are enemies to the end.
Practicality; if you give a Korean a task to do, any korean, we will figure out how to do the task in the most efficient, effective and greatest impact way possible; whether it is washing dishes or making 1 million micro cell phone chips with x number of cores, we'll do it faster, cheaper and more reliable than anyone on the planet.
We are honest with our emotions; we scream, we repress then scream, we scream and break things, we cry, we see our national anthem playing and we got bronze in the olympics, we tear, we get gold we out right just cry, we are tragic and will break up with someone because we dont' feel good enough and they deserve better, we say when we are lonely and when it is time to have fun, fuck it, we have fun, no matter how foolish we look or how immature it seems, we enjoy life and suffer together. (of course overseas Koreans are different because they too cool for school lol) but otherwise, everyone loves our dramas cause they are so in your face.
Add it all together and it's a bit nutty, but Koreans are usually described as quickly boiling water that also quickly cools, we are very practical, but emotional, but not emo emotional, but like raw emotional and for both the emotion and work, we do it, we fucking do it all in.
But it is hard to say that this is all positive, because on the flip side,
our intensity brings us to take things too far the line with everything we do,
our practicality can be a prison to those who are more creative and free spirited
and sometimes we are too uncontrolled when we should be more rational.
But, anyway, true culture and life is about both the good and the bad accepted. ^^
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Have you ever been to the Netherlands? If yes, what were your impressions? If no, what would be your expectations?
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whens the first time you had sex?
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I have another question for you:
I live with my mom's boyfriend, his son, my mom and my brother. My mom's boyfriend's son (we'll call him John) is completely spoiled and gets away with everything. My mom tries her hardest to bring my brother up the best that he can, but he still gets jealous of John and feels that he is treated unfairly compared to him. My mom doesn't ask anything ridiculous from him, just that he does his homework, does his chores, try to be as flexible as possible when picking what to eat or in terms of his schedule. He can get really obnoxious and (in my opinion) is a direct result of my mom's boyfriend's horrible parenting influencing what he thinks is acceptable. Is there anything that I can/should do to help my brother understand, or is it not my responsibility and I should just try my best to give him advice when he needs it?
The second part of it is that my mom's boyfriend is completely irresponsible. He's a terrible parent, he embarrasses my mom constantly in front of us, and he is overall just not a good person. He makes really questionable calls (he gave his son Xanax because he asked for it (his son doesn't have a script for it), and he's done a lot of really bad stuff in the past. I don't like him at all, but I have to try my hardest to get along with him for the next year and a half or so until I leave for college. However, this can be really challenging. He does literally nothing all day, now that he's unemployed. He's been unemployed for over a year, he's out of unemployment, and he continues to just sit and watch TV all day. He's gotten even more obese, taken even worse care of himself, and does nothing to contribute around the house. He leaves the house a disgusting mess each day and continues to do nothing to improve it, whether it be fixing loose screws on stuff, fixing a banister, cleaning the kitchen, or even just vacuuming up.
Thanks hyung.
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On February 04 2014 14:10 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 11:30 Thaniri wrote:
Two schools, study at one abroad for free, but with a small language barrier/no friends, or take student loans and study at home in the native language and with local friends?
Both schools are equally unimpressive.
I don't really have a hard hitting question, I read the first part of this and really enjoyed your answers. You are giving a lot to this community, thank-you. First off, thanks for being sincere as well, it makes it worth it in my short time off. ^^ Fuck it, go for the one abroad, if we are talking about university it's time to make new friends and experience new thing- plus it's free and I'd say, the experiences that you would have staying at home would be vastly different from the ones you get abroad and this could literally change your entire outlook on life for the the rest of your life. At your age, I'd say this is relatively little risk for a massive gain. Yes, there will be a lot more issues, maybe cultural, but a lot of it will force you to recognize your own prejudices and beliefs, and native women love foreign guys, at least the wild ones do ^^ Plus student loans are a bitch. At the end of the day, people either crush undergrad or get crushed, but if you get something out of it, outside of the grades, it stays with you forever. I studied abroad as well, and I don't regret it for second, even though sometimes it was so tough.
I know well that women like foreign men. I have an accent in both languages, and it's such an easy conversation starter because they pick up on it and want to know more about me.
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Found the second thread; So thank you, I much appreciate it.
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In 2007, the New England Patriots had an 18-1 season in the NFL.
Before the season started, they suffered the tragic loss of one of their teammates in an unfortunate accident. It was a very rough period for the team.
At the beginning of the season, they looked like fucking rockstars. They found a way to deal with all the shit that everyone threw at them, and won their first few games very convincingly. Almost everyone knew that, realistically speaking, there was no way they were going to have a perfect season, because it's so fucking rare for that to happen, but they were playing so damn good. They had a few very close games, but still found a way to tough it out and prove they were the better team on that day.
Suddenly they're in the playoffs with a 16-0 record, and everyone has them as a favourite for winning the Lombardi trophy. It truly looked like they were going to win the Superbowl with an unprecedented perfect season, which would give them a 19-0 record. They win the first game, putting them at 17-0. They win the next game, putting them at 18-0. Finally, the big game. They're up against a team that they've already beaten to get to this point.
And we all know what happened. They lost it. It was such a heartbreaking loss for them.
They, as a team, started at such a bad point with the loss of one of their teammates, and they worked their asses off to show that they were the fucking kings, and then, right at the very end, they were dethroned..... And in a somewhat humiliating fashion. Everyone knew the game was over when they failed to covert the 4th and long, and everyone crowded the field in celebration of the victory by the Giants, yet they had to repeat the celebrations because the game still had 1 second left on the clock, causing them to re-live their defeat twice in a matter of minutes.....
My question is this. How do you get back up after getting knocked down like that? I'm sure you've had some experiences where things haven't worked out anywhere near as well as you hoped they would, yet you found a way to get back on track. I'm not talking about some minor mistake, I'm talking about some kind of catastrophic failure resulting in the loss of months or maybe even years worth of hard work and dedication..... I'm kinda going through one of those types of failures right now in my life, and it's really fucking tough to mentally keep going, I was hoping you'd have some kind of inspirational words of wisdom.
Btw, I absolutely love the effort you put into stuff like this. I loved reading all of your older blog posts.
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I've just spent the last 3 hours reading through all your previous replies and I have to say, I am glad that there are people like you in this world willing to openly share their experience and wisdom with others. I, myself, don't have a question; I just simply thought appreciation should be shown when it is due . Definitely a man worthy of being called 'hyung'!
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nice to read again,
snip
+ Show Spoiler +
i'm a very lonely person, aged 29 , recently back in college which is only 2 days a week with 3 other people half my age, no job after working for 5 LONELY years as a nursing assisnant then more recently cleaning caravans for £4/hour and having to leave a shop assistant job because i wanted to die and no1 liked me, living with my mom and her BF (macho territorial controlfreak who i hate and avoid), the only person ive really talked to in the last 1-2 years is when i'm degenning it on dota with an old school friend, or when i visit my grandmother ~3 times a week which is stressful coz she just never shuts up about her tablets (so basically i can go months without talking to anyone), i've never had a girlfriend tho i've been rejected by "best friends" a many times and had years of emotional torment which ive finally come out of since she hasnt talked to me for 6 months coz she stopped giving a fuck a long time ago (fair enough), i suffer from random anxiety just talking to people like some tutors in college because i seem to have serious self-worth complex where i feel completely value-less (and rightly so) , i still blush walking past random young girls, i often think "really there is no point to any of this shit", i even randomly freak out about things like "i have to get off the bus soon, how should i say thankyou to the bus driver?" then freak out because i think he didnt hear me - i dont even know why i think these thoughts or feel these emotions, it must be a severe innate lack of selfworth-, so its nice to read from someone who believes in the power of focus and eventual achievement , because without any contact with anyone you dont get to feel that, theres nothing to invoke it in you , theres no sense of companionship or cause
i ran 40 miles the past 4 weeks plus gym, almost no video games (say 5 dotos per week, but still enough to fuck with my sleeping), getting my driving licence blood test tomorrow so job prospects++++ (only jobs where i live are minimum wage jobs - i live in a lifeless county - which are hard to get and honestly fucking pointless as shit if you are at the point in life where i am and cant be fucked with it all anymore, so car will let me get driving job maybe homecare for elderly), perhaps have a job offer related to my college course waiting to hear from, am uptodate with college work and grades and will be commuting out of county to go to university this september if continue as is,
however my time spent studying/doing work is still virtually nonexistant, i just waste all day every day doing nothing on the internet (not gaming). im talking literally weeks can go by and ive done nothing!!
i dont have a question for you because i'm old enough to know how to fix my problems, it just feels like i dont coz i never talk to anyone and am stuck by myself trapped in loneliness and anxiety until the gradual resolutions (qualifying at uni , getting into career, becoming independent, having a skill and self respect) . i guess you just got me writing my lazy, selfpitying lifestory for the 50th time, desperate for reassurance and pity from the outside world
maybe its a subconscious way of reminding myself to step my game up, coz thats what i get out of this by the end everytime i go on about it. for me its about synchronising several things: not gaming, sleeping early, eating properly, consistent gym, now running, not wanking (increase testosterone/livliness and less wasted time), not browsing web all day (FAIL) and studying (FAIL) and not smoking
putting it into fresh perspective, the past 4 weeks have been EXCEEDINGLY successful for me (relatively) , i just have to add studying now alongside everything else and i am at 100% efficiency and should experience extreme satisfaction and selfworth!
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Guys,
I'm going to the airport in an hour, and taking a 6 hr flight to Doha as a stop over from Zurich,
I'll answer when I land.
I'll probably need to close the thread shortly after, but thanks for also making my contribution worthwhile as well ^^
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Hey, got to see this barely in time to ask:
Did the deal in the Philippines work out? I was curious if all the issues you had with regulations were eventually settled to both sides' satisfaction. Feel free to leave out details if necessary, I just wanted to know if you were happy with how it turned out.
Also, any comments on how good/bad it was outside of work, if you got to experience any of it?
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hello can someone help me Looking for an older movie. It's about two old. Many people think that they are very rich, so they came and propose different objects and others saying they are their heirs. Finally, their nephew really is sent by his mother to stay on vacation with grandparents. They did not believe that he is their grandson true, but left him to stay. Eventually become friends with him and every night he telling each part of their lives and how they got the entire wealth (a room filled with crates of money). Old people die in own plane (ii nephew persuaded to lead a happy life, so I started to spend a bit of money) After death, this grandson was 20-21 years, but even if they were happy with what grandparents died life living with her
can someone help me?
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안녕하세요 형,
I don't post here much and I'm glad to have seen this post. I read through your first one and the quality of your replies told me that I should probably get advice from you (not sure when else I'd be able to receive such advice).
As for a little background, I'm currently about to graduate from a pretty good university (undergrad), and I'm set to work at Oracle as a Sales Consultant. It's an entry level job and it's not really that great, but I'm just glad I got a job. However, I'm just worried because I'm not so sure whether I'd be able to move up vertically. I hear that a lot of people look down on sales... and although I'm not exactly a sales rep, I'm still in the department (providing technical information about Oracle's products). What should I do to make sure I get the most out of this opportunity + move up within the company? Should I look for other opportunities?
Another worry is that I'm a philosophy major and I feel like I don't have any "skills". I feel like I should've gone into computer science or engineering because there's such a huge demand for them. How do I deal with this feeling of inadequacy of being a philosophy major? Should I go to law school? I don't want to sound cocky but I'm kind of smart and I'm sure I can do well enough on the LSATs to get into a top program. Or do you think an MBA would be better? Maybe I should've gone into finance..................................... I love philosophy, but sometimes I wonder if I chose the wrong major.
My final question has to do with religion. From your recommendation of the Bible as a book to read in the last blog, I'm presuming you are a Christian. What do you do to keep holding on to your faith? As a man who is financially quite well off, do you think you are giving back enough?
감사합니다. I think it's wonderful that you're doing this. If I'm ever successful as you are, I will make sure to do the same.
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If an adult male is a confirmed beta fish does that make him not a man?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 04:47 Yorbon wrote:
Have you ever been to the Netherlands? If yes, what were your impressions? If no, what would be your expectations?
I have and I have a couple of friends from Netherlands as well, and of course one of them is Naz ^^
Well, I really love it there too, its been about 5 years though the last time I visited, but what I really like about the Dutch is that they are pretty forthright and can kickbox and really are fearless, from my experience at least.
Did you know the first foreigners to Korea were ship wreaked Dutch sailors? A bit of a sad story, but the first foreign mixed blood was Dutch keke.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 05:05 Smurfett3 wrote:
whens the first time you had sex?
June 19, 1995 ^^
I remember because it was a bit traumatic lol.
It was the end of my first year at uni and I hooked up with this Hong Kong older girl (lol maybe 2 years older) and she ended up being a nymphomaniac. I had fiercely protected my virginity because I had it in my mind that I would try my very best to get to marriage with a clean conscious and while I was able to resist 5 previous attempts, she was a vicious tiger.
We only lasted 2 weeks before I couldn't take being a slave to her savage desires, but my view how much sex was normal was a bit skewered (at least 3 times a day) so my next gf thought I was a just a maniac and had to slow me down.
But just to make this into a productive post.
I wanted to 'save' my virginity for marriage, and while I didn't do that, I did love my next gf very very much, even though it has been nearly 20 years, I still remember everything about her, and the things I wish I had known better at the time. But since I loved her, I thought, if I love her, how can this be wrong? For me sex, love, it was all related with being Christian. While I have had many gfs from that point on, I never once had a one night stand. Of course when I was younger, I wanted to, but I had a bit of an old school morality/honor issue, but when I got much older I am glad I didn't. Not to say it is bad, but I think also, people really approach sex in different ways.
My one gf just though sex was just sex and that it was meant to be fun and with whoever you really wanted to have it with. Another gf had been sexually assaulted years before I met her, so she still had trauma from that, so for a 8 month relationship we never made love, just kissed. Yes that was very very tough, but I did love her.
I think the first time does really matter a lot, and if you can do it with someone you really care about, and if you can wait a bit longer than just the first chance and make it something special with your gf rather can some random pick, then I'd say you'd get much more out of it and it will shape you as well.
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I have a few questions :
In the bottom of my heart i've always thought that a man can only become a man when he has children, not only because he reproduced his genes but mostly because he now has to look and care after some one (which to me would be the most growthful experience one can have) do you agree? im 22, not there yet, still a child
I never had a real GF, i always quit when things start to get serious (i've been with alot of girls though) do i have a problem?
do you really believe in business(career and success) and capitalism as a way for happiness?
ty for your contribution you're great
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 06:17 MtlGuitarist97 wrote:
I have another question for you:
I live with my mom's boyfriend, his son, my mom and my brother. My mom's boyfriend's son (we'll call him John) is completely spoiled and gets away with everything. My mom tries her hardest to bring my brother up the best that he can, but he still gets jealous of John and feels that he is treated unfairly compared to him. My mom doesn't ask anything ridiculous from him, just that he does his homework, does his chores, try to be as flexible as possible when picking what to eat or in terms of his schedule. He can get really obnoxious and (in my opinion) is a direct result of my mom's boyfriend's horrible parenting influencing what he thinks is acceptable. Is there anything that I can/should do to help my brother understand, or is it not my responsibility and I should just try my best to give him advice when he needs it?
The second part of it is that my mom's boyfriend is completely irresponsible. He's a terrible parent, he embarrasses my mom constantly in front of us, and he is overall just not a good person. He makes really questionable calls (he gave his son Xanax because he asked for it (his son doesn't have a script for it), and he's done a lot of really bad stuff in the past. I don't like him at all, but I have to try my hardest to get along with him for the next year and a half or so until I leave for college. However, this can be really challenging. He does literally nothing all day, now that he's unemployed. He's been unemployed for over a year, he's out of unemployment, and he continues to just sit and watch TV all day. He's gotten even more obese, taken even worse care of himself, and does nothing to contribute around the house. He leaves the house a disgusting mess each day and continues to do nothing to improve it, whether it be fixing loose screws on stuff, fixing a banister, cleaning the kitchen, or even just vacuuming up.
Thanks hyung.
This is a very difficult situation, but what is important is that while you see straight, your brother doesn't and that is fair, he is younger and when you're younger, you get hurt/traumatized differently. Just give him a good talk one time and let him know that you are there for him and that it's not a great situation, but if you can, talk to him not after something bad happened, but just spend more time with him, like for a coffee outside of the house and just talk.
In the same way, as your Mom's bf, I'd say, you need to get the best out of him, but not in a confrontational way. Just ask him, hey,can I ask you for some advice? About anything, even about things you'd like to fix and just say, that you want to just help out the house, can you give me some advice what would be the best way to do this or that, or some girl issues, bullshit or not and build some kind of relationship. Don't talk down or lecture him, obviously that isn't going to work, but get him in a position to self-reflect is enough. He isn't blind, he knows you guys don't respect him, maybe he doesn't respect himself, but if you can give him something easy to make a step towards you, it may change. Even like asking his advice about life and then start cleaning, he may join you in the cleaning as well as you talk. Find out more about him, but tread carefully, be sincere or else it will just make things worse, don't have an expectation, just as it comes.
If he really is just a lazy fuck and doesn't care, then just prepare yourself, still interact, don't make him feel you think he is below you, or else then it just makes it worse for your mom and remember to tell your mom that you love and appreciate her, she may just always feel down and maybe her feeling better will also translate into some change as well.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 08:35 vaL4r wrote:
Found the second thread; So thank you, I much appreciate it.
Thanks for posting in that one ^^ amazing how you found it!
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 10:06 Impervious wrote:
In 2007, the New England Patriots had an 18-1 season in the NFL.
Before the season started, they suffered the tragic loss of one of their teammates in an unfortunate accident. It was a very rough period for the team.
At the beginning of the season, they looked like fucking rockstars. They found a way to deal with all the shit that everyone threw at them, and won their first few games very convincingly. Almost everyone knew that, realistically speaking, there was no way they were going to have a perfect season, because it's so fucking rare for that to happen, but they were playing so damn good. They had a few very close games, but still found a way to tough it out and prove they were the better team on that day.
Suddenly they're in the playoffs with a 16-0 record, and everyone has them as a favourite for winning the Lombardi trophy. It truly looked like they were going to win the Superbowl with an unprecedented perfect season, which would give them a 19-0 record. They win the first game, putting them at 17-0. They win the next game, putting them at 18-0. Finally, the big game. They're up against a team that they've already beaten to get to this point.
And we all know what happened. They lost it. It was such a heartbreaking loss for them.
They, as a team, started at such a bad point with the loss of one of their teammates, and they worked their asses off to show that they were the fucking kings, and then, right at the very end, they were dethroned..... And in a somewhat humiliating fashion. Everyone knew the game was over when they failed to covert the 4th and long, and everyone crowded the field in celebration of the victory by the Giants, yet they had to repeat the celebrations because the game still had 1 second left on the clock, causing them to re-live their defeat twice in a matter of minutes.....
My question is this. How do you get back up after getting knocked down like that? I'm sure you've had some experiences where things haven't worked out anywhere near as well as you hoped they would, yet you found a way to get back on track. I'm not talking about some minor mistake, I'm talking about some kind of catastrophic failure resulting in the loss of months or maybe even years worth of hard work and dedication..... I'm kinda going through one of those types of failures right now in my life, and it's really fucking tough to mentally keep going, I was hoping you'd have some kind of inspirational words of wisdom.
Btw, I absolutely love the effort you put into stuff like this. I loved reading all of your older blog posts.
When I left my senior executive position in early 2010, had conquered the industry, I had made 6 new markets in less than 3 years for my company (90 plus flights a year), I was more than a rockstar I was a warlord of my industry. But I wanted to be CEO, that wasn't on the table, they didn't expect me to quit because my position was so senior, I was fairly well compensated and the job market at that time still wasn't great. But I did, I didn't take my six figure bonus, which I had earned, so that I could get into the job market only 3 months after quitting. But instead, I started my own company in the same field. We launched in early 2011, but got absolutely trashed by the market. Two major factors that I was banking on: one was marketing channel and the other was a sales channel, both got cut off right before we began our investment into this new market.
I should have just stopped the operations, changed our strategy and waited, But I didn't, I was so arrogant and thought I could make it work, even though the fundamentals of our entire strategy got taken away. You can't believe the absolute horror of watching your entire investment fund ever single month get lower and lower and lower until there really is nothing left. And the major issue is that there was nothing I could do about it, because opportunities didn't come up, the market was getting worse and here I was, I had dragged my family from Korea to a new country, and my second son was only 3 months old when he came! And I would look at my sons and thought to myself, how could I have fucked this up so bad, with zero growth and just this brutal burn and the only thing that was saving us was revenue from a market we hadn't invested a penny into, but then had I did, maybe we'd be totally fine, but it was getting to the point where even the slow burn was going to end in just a brutal crash.
From the summer of 2011 to the summer 2012, I had such a depressing and brutal year that I gained probably 12 kg or so, ended up getting all these health problems from all the constant stress, which I'm still recovering from now and most people in the industry thought that all my accomplishments previously was only because I was at the biggest firm, not because I was the rockstar. My reputation plummeted, our finances were nearly all gone and I was depressed and so fucking frustrated because I could not find options, I could not manipulate the situation, the game needed to be played at a much higher level and I wasn't in a position to do that. And every time I felt this powerlessness I would look at my boys and even that they were happy and didnt know what was going on, I felt this great shame and guilt that I wasn't making their lives better. I never had self pity, but the weight of my choices just made even breathing difficult.
*****
So while running the company, I hit the job market for an executive job in a similar field. I had a few interviews here and there, but the industry was in such a shitty position back then, that no one was hiring, but this one very perfect firm was, and I got 3 interviews with a total time of 6 hrs. And me and my wife were content, this job would allow us to start again, and I'd be able to use my salary to not pay myself anything and the company could stop a lot of the major burn until I could figure out what else to do.
So I go in and meet the CEO, its a big company CEO is a big dog and he is about my age, maybe one year older. It is supposed to be a rubber stamp meeting, I've met with everyone in the company, I'm going to take on head of business development, which is a 3 tier executive position under head of business and then under the CEO. I won't even be reporting to this guy But in reality, my former position at my former company makes him very uncomfortable as my old company was 5 times the size of this one and my previous position is fairly equivalent or even more so than the CEO's position. Thing is with this company was that it was a subsidiary of a listed company and so the current CEO had been the COO of the listed one and this was his big shot to get to the next level.
The 5 minute meeting turned into a 45 mins confrontation where he simply attacked me until he got enough justification not to hire me. By the 10 min mark I knew this interview was fucked so the only way to savage it was to get his respect by going toe to toe with him, but in the end, it was me as a senior executive vs him as a senior executive debating the strategy of the company rather than me as a potential employee explaining what role I was going to play. The fact was I wasn't even going to be reporting to him, but it didn't matter, I didn't suck his dick and so I didn't get the job. But it was a set-up, even if I did suck his dick, there would have been a very good chance that I didn't get the job either. He was wrong in his strategy, no really he was, I tried to evade it, but the guy wanted to be validated that he knew better than what I knew, I'm not dumb, I knew it too, but at the end of the day I was going for an executive position, not a manager position so I had to go for it.
The other part of it was smart on his part, why bring in someone who was that over qualified, I would have made mince meat out of my line manager, eventually shared the glory with the CEO for 2 year then disposed of him as well. It's nothing about climbing the ladder, but I'm just that senior in the industry it was likely going to play out that way, and why should the CEO take that risk? And he didn't, they waited 1 week before saying no, and they did that on purpose so I wouldn't interview during that time.
*******************
So I had a brutal market situation, I had dragged my entire family into this, and our best chance, I had been rejected just one step from the finish line.
Thing is, I knew the interview was fucked, I knew I had done my best, there was nothing left to do, I sent my family ahead of me back to Korea, moved my 2 staff back to Macau and then stayed a week to close down the office and take care of the outstanding bills.
I had failed, I was defeated, I had no options, just cash enough to sustain the company as is, and with the market constantly just crashing into us, it wasn't good. I had thrown away a career and position in where I was a warlord and everything I wanted happened and at my age, making a mistake and learning, well it is not a comforting thought, at my age we don't fuck up so bad to just wipe out all our achievements, security and put our family at risk. I wasn't even a loser, I was a full on failure.
******************
3 days before I leave the market, I get a call, someone is interested to meet with me. Ok, I'm not expecting much. We meet and he says, meet me again tomorrow, so I do, and we talk. He's an old guy in the industry, he's been around, and he opened his own consulting firm about 4 years ago. He needs a senior guy like me, exactly like me. He says he'll call me in 3 days. I leave the market with nothing except for a speeding ticket that I need to still pay.
************
I'm in Korea, and I get the call, I get a project, but it is in a market which I've avoided for a long time. It's too chaotic there, but what choice to do I have? I take it, the salary is half of what I used to make, but its good to get the cash flow in. They put me up in a 5 star for my first visit, then they put in me an 3 star sex hotel after that. The ol'bait and switch, but I resign myself to make this work and it does.
6 months later, I get into a dispute with the management, we part ways, basically some of the local partners wanted to work with me and no the company as a whole, I get stuck in the middle of it, I get accused of stealing clients, I'm like, 'I don't even want to work in this country you set me too', They apologize, I tell them forget it, the trust has been broken and then I get another call. I get a gov't consulting gig that I can put into my own company. But it is a project way to big for me, but it's a dream project, complex, but so complex I think I'm the only one that can pull it off anyways.
********************
It's Feb 6, 2014, I'm at the Doha business lounge of Qatar Airways, it's 8:28pm, my flight back to Asia is at 1:30 am, and I just got back from a week long trip to Zurich, it's my 3rd visit in less than 2 months.
I'm not the same guy anymore, my health problems have really caught up with me,
but in exchange I'm not arrogant anymore and I'm not desperate. I've found myself, the man I always wanted to be professionally. I see so much now, I know so much, more than just a strategic business consultant, I under what it takes to be an entrepreneur, what it takes to survive and also be durable, how low I can go and what I can't let go of no mater how low I go and while the market didn't change, I got a project which is above the market, so it really like hitting the lottery, so I didn't earn it, but for me to be at the right time and place, fuck I fought for that place, it did just happen, but for me to be standing it that spot, it took at least 10 years off my life, and I'm not joking about that part. I'm not out of the woods left by a mile, I still have outstanding debts and I still have a lot to make up for, but people are good me and they know I'm trying. I am 3 times the man that I was in 2010, and as much as I failed, I failed big because I went for big, but when I got back up, I don't have the same goals, now a lot of goals tied to my ego, just are meaningless, I'm thinking about moving to Switzerland, raising my family here and not being out there as a warlord, because I think that I did do what I set out to do, be the best in my industry and not just on a corporate level, but to be the absolute best. Capability wise I'm there now, achievement wise, maybe I need 3 more years to make my mark, but I know I can make it work.
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Life is like light, - light is both a wave and a particle. Some people think that life is just this big circle, that learn a bit, make a mistake, fix it, be a bit better, new experiences, new mistakes, new fixes and repeat. Some people think that life is just this linear line of stages, step-by-step, year-by-year we go through it.
But it's both. we revisit the same things we learned and made mistakes in, but every time we do, the stakes are higher, more is at risk. And the same times we revisit are in these new stages and context of life, from being a student to working, to having a family to choosing between your ambition, and your family.
I make money, when I was a corporate executive,I made money by performing and getting a salary.
I make money, when I have my own company at generates revenue.
I make money, when I sell shares in my company.
I make money, when I raise money for the company and it increase the valuation of the company.
Its all making money, it's all tough, but it its the same thing, but in a different stage.
I love my mother as a child,
I love my wife as a husband,
I love my children as a father.
But the think I want to point out, is how far the stages go, how far do we walk, how much do we press ourselves to do the same things but in a more difficult stage or level?
*****************************
Each stage can take longer, as you said, months even years. In some ways, intellectually, we really only hit our stride in really being the top in our field when we are in our late 30's and then set the pace, but by our 50's we struggle to stay on top of it. But 3 things to end.
1. The bigger the fail, the greater the rise. cliche, but true.
2. Sometimes, the only option is to survive until the timing changes- maybe we are as good as we are, but we simply can't change the situation, it's like being a political prisoner, you're in Jail for the next 20 years, wtf you gonna do, you can survive and go crazy or you can survive but realize it is a time of preparation or reflection or way really reach a next level and revisit your approach. But either way, it is still jail, it is still fucking fucking motherfucking tough - but life is like jail when you have no options.
3. You must be durable, not just survive. You survive, but you've lost all your confidence, well when the time come to take the opportunity you've been waiting for, you can't do it, you second guess yourself, you've been traumatized. You must some times realize, you can't change what is here, but not to let it take away from what you've already gained, it is ok to take a step back to reflect.
I had spent 3 years suffering as an entrepreneur but when I took that consulting gig, man did I fucking shine like the fucking stars. It completely revitalized me. Don't just wait in the hole, venture out a bit, leave it a bit, and when the timing is right, be ready to make it happen. Don't punish yourself, life isn't so simple as win or lose or negative or positive, everything that moves you both good and bad, slow or fast, is moving your capability.
Make options, if there are none, survive, be durable, and be ready. Life isn't wasted ever, no matter how long how deep, if you can breath you can have redemption, always. We can always be heroes.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 14:25 maggle wrote:I've just spent the last 3 hours reading through all your previous replies and I have to say, I am glad that there are people like you in this world willing to openly share their experience and wisdom with others. I, myself, don't have a question; I just simply thought appreciation should be shown when it is due . Definitely a man worthy of being called 'hyung'!
^^ thanks as well for the comment, I do appreciate it, after all, I love this community and being a part of it is, is part of my life.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 14:31 FFGenerations wrote:nice to read again, snip + Show Spoiler +
i'm a very lonely person, aged 29 , recently back in college which is only 2 days a week with 3 other people half my age, no job after working for 5 LONELY years as a nursing assisnant then more recently cleaning caravans for £4/hour and having to leave a shop assistant job because i wanted to die and no1 liked me, living with my mom and her BF (macho territorial controlfreak who i hate and avoid), the only person ive really talked to in the last 1-2 years is when i'm degenning it on dota with an old school friend, or when i visit my grandmother ~3 times a week which is stressful coz she just never shuts up about her tablets (so basically i can go months without talking to anyone), i've never had a girlfriend tho i've been rejected by "best friends" a many times and had years of emotional torment which ive finally come out of since she hasnt talked to me for 6 months coz she stopped giving a fuck a long time ago (fair enough), i suffer from random anxiety just talking to people like some tutors in college because i seem to have serious self-worth complex where i feel completely value-less (and rightly so) , i still blush walking past random young girls, i often think "really there is no point to any of this shit", i even randomly freak out about things like "i have to get off the bus soon, how should i say thankyou to the bus driver?" then freak out because i think he didnt hear me - i dont even know why i think these thoughts or feel these emotions, it must be a severe innate lack of selfworth-, so its nice to read from someone who believes in the power of focus and eventual achievement , because without any contact with anyone you dont get to feel that, theres nothing to invoke it in you , theres no sense of companionship or cause
i ran 40 miles the past 4 weeks plus gym, almost no video games (say 5 dotos per week, but still enough to fuck with my sleeping), getting my driving licence blood test tomorrow so job prospects++++ (only jobs where i live are minimum wage jobs - i live in a lifeless county - which are hard to get and honestly fucking pointless as shit if you are at the point in life where i am and cant be fucked with it all anymore, so car will let me get driving job maybe homecare for elderly), perhaps have a job offer related to my college course waiting to hear from, am uptodate with college work and grades and will be commuting out of county to go to university this september if continue as is,
however my time spent studying/doing work is still virtually nonexistant, i just waste all day every day doing nothing on the internet (not gaming). im talking literally weeks can go by and ive done nothing!!
i dont have a question for you because i'm old enough to know how to fix my problems, it just feels like i dont coz i never talk to anyone and am stuck by myself trapped in loneliness and anxiety until the gradual resolutions (qualifying at uni , getting into career, becoming independent, having a skill and self respect) . i guess you just got me writing my lazy, selfpitying lifestory for the 50th time, desperate for reassurance and pity from the outside world
maybe its a subconscious way of reminding myself to step my game up, coz thats what i get out of this by the end everytime i go on about it. for me its about synchronising several things: not gaming, sleeping early, eating properly, consistent gym, now running, not wanking (increase testosterone/livliness and less wasted time), not browsing web all day (FAIL) and studying (FAIL) and not smoking
putting it into fresh perspective, the past 4 weeks have been EXCEEDINGLY successful for me (relatively) , i just have to add studying now alongside everything else and i am at 100% efficiency and should experience extreme satisfaction and selfworth!
Sounds great to hear! When you graduate, I'd say the first thing to do is travel! Let me know where you go and maybe we'll cross paths then ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 17:05 Ciryandor wrote:
Hey, got to see this barely in time to ask:
Did the deal in the Philippines work out? I was curious if all the issues you had with regulations were eventually settled to both sides' satisfaction. Feel free to leave out details if necessary, I just wanted to know if you were happy with how it turned out.
Also, any comments on how good/bad it was outside of work, if you got to experience any of it?
Well, that has worked out, but it never ceases to be chaotic on a daily basis to hold down the fort. But I'm still in the middle of something, but I did finally get to an equal hand on the negotiating table. Very difficult to get here, nearly a 14 months in the process but its good.
Philippines is great outside of Manila, but Manila itself, save Makati and Fort Bonifacio is a bit too messy for me. But I don't spend much time there nowadays, I'm mostly in HK, back in Macau, Beijing and Zurich. So I've expanded a bit more. Health isn't great, but I hope to recover this year and take a month off by April, cause I think if I don't I'll drop dead lol. ^^
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On February 05 2014 18:22 phantom7 wrote:
hello can someone help me Looking for an older movie. It's about two old. Many people think that they are very rich, so they came and propose different objects and others saying they are their heirs. Finally, their nephew really is sent by his mother to stay on vacation with grandparents. They did not believe that he is their grandson true, but left him to stay. Eventually become friends with him and every night he telling each part of their lives and how they got the entire wealth (a room filled with crates of money). Old people die in own plane (ii nephew persuaded to lead a happy life, so I started to spend a bit of money) After death, this grandson was 20-21 years, but even if they were happy with what grandparents died life living with her
can someone help me?
I read this, I have no idea what movie you're looking for, try to google it and increase your research abilities.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 18:43 yunogg wrote:
안녕하세요 형,
I don't post here much and I'm glad to have seen this post. I read through your first one and the quality of your replies told me that I should probably get advice from you (not sure when else I'd be able to receive such advice).
As for a little background, I'm currently about to graduate from a pretty good university (undergrad), and I'm set to work at Oracle as a Sales Consultant. It's an entry level job and it's not really that great, but I'm just glad I got a job. However, I'm just worried because I'm not so sure whether I'd be able to move up vertically. I hear that a lot of people look down on sales... and although I'm not exactly a sales rep, I'm still in the department (providing technical information about Oracle's products). What should I do to make sure I get the most out of this opportunity + move up within the company? Should I look for other opportunities?
Another worry is that I'm a philosophy major and I feel like I don't have any "skills". I feel like I should've gone into computer science or engineering because there's such a huge demand for them. How do I deal with this feeling of inadequacy of being a philosophy major? Should I go to law school? I don't want to sound cocky but I'm kind of smart and I'm sure I can do well enough on the LSATs to get into a top program. Or do you think an MBA would be better? Maybe I should've gone into finance..................................... I love philosophy, but sometimes I wonder if I chose the wrong major.
My final question has to do with religion. From your recommendation of the Bible as a book to read in the last blog, I'm presuming you are a Christian. What do you do to keep holding on to your faith? As a man who is financially quite well off, do you think you are giving back enough?
감사합니다. I think it's wonderful that you're doing this. If I'm ever successful as you are, I will make sure to do the same.
Anyong ^^,
A lot of people misunderstand sales, they usually think of a used car sales man, who wheels and deals and is unethical. Sales is probably the most important thing for a company to survive and grow especially when the products are nearly all the same. But for sales, it not a matter of moving up vertically, its a matter of switching positions to get more commission, but it seems more like you are an account manager support the sales rep which actually has even less vertical than a sales rep. But it is a good learning experience, oracle is wow, such a great company and because you're at such a big company there should be some intra company classes or development program. Find out out about it, learn everything you can, take all the class you can, if there are performance metrics, go for number one in your group. But looking for other opportunities as graduate is a must, it would be better to work as an intern in a field you are really engaged in than to set to work in something your'e not passionate about because you will need to spend at least a year in your first job when you start (ideally 3 years).
Frankly speaking, if you've gone to a good school and your major is philosophy then you can apply for a consulting job, but you may be too lacking in basic management knowledge to qualify and it seems as though you are still in an academic mind set. But there is nothing bad about being a philosophy major, on an intellectual level, it will wow most people, but on a practical level, it is lacking so you do need to follow up on it, but I wouldn't say it is a waste, but it will take more time to integrate what you've learned as a mental framework to give value to some practical purpose. Some of the top business strategists and finance guys are from philosophy. I did my undergrad in political philosophy and english lit, then did a masters in divinity (theology) didn't graduate and went right into my MBA.
If you're talking about law school, then if you have the chops for it, just apply and get it, if you dont' know what you should be doing, doing law school is a good stop gap as any and with a law degree you can still do your mba after or whatever. But if you love philosophy, why not go for being a professor then? That was something I considered once before. But what I'm not seeing is if philosophy is your passion, dive into it, but if it is not your only passion or you feel this need to do something practical, then you need to really investigate this thoroughly, this is not the time to just base your decisions on just what is in front of you, go do some hardcore research into law, or teaching, or other jobs or your own passion.
****
I'm a Christian, 4th generation Korean protestant; as I was born into a Christian family, I always had confidence to challenge God and if God is God, he will answer and he's always been consistent in that. Being Christian isn't something you hold on to, either you are in Christ or not and if you're in Christ you grown the faith. And faith being, for me, seeing the world as God sees it and that just takes time, pray and sincerity. The gift we are given is that are given time to grow into being more faithful.
I was financially well off, and now, on paper value (stock holdings) maybe I am at this point, but my bank account just holds my monthly salary at this moment, but to your point; having been raised serving the church, I've always been a sunday school teacher and when I was doing my masters in divinity I served at 3 churches every sunday, doing the sermons and teaching, but as of the last few years, I don't do that because of my travel schedule also I don't mention my background to whatever church I attend as it tends to make the clergy uncomfortable. But my hope is to one day amass a great wealth and open up a massive library in my wife's name and put in a full studio for video production for those students who may not fit into the traditional korean model of success but are creative and talented. I don't feel the need to donate it to a church persay, but rather, if it is done with love, that is all Christ wants me to do, the rest God can do.
And to end:
Stop being wishywashy and look into your options! asap! ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 05 2014 20:50 SomethingWitty wrote:
If an adult male is a confirmed beta fish does that make him not a man?
Only if that is all he is doing, then yes.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 06 2014 01:16 crazyweasel wrote:
I have a few questions :
In the bottom of my heart i've always thought that a man can only become a man when he has children, not only because he reproduced his genes but mostly because he now has to look and care after some one (which to me would be the most growthful experience one can have) do you agree? im 22, not there yet, still a child
I never had a real GF, i always quit when things start to get serious (i've been with alot of girls though) do i have a problem?
do you really believe in business(career and success) and capitalism as a way for happiness?
ty for your contribution you're great
I agree, but nowadays, 22 is young, I got married when I was 33, and I'm 39 now and my kids are 5 and 3. So I've had a lot of girlfriends and some were serious and some not, but eventually you get serious when you yourself are serious about settling down, if you're not ready to settle down, why would you be serious. ^^
But whenever you get a child, yes it always changes you for the better or it makes you really brutally honest with yourself, Most men will step up to the challenge because of love, some pussies will run off cause they are pussies (but sometimes more complicated than that, so I won't pass more judgement than I have).
Business career/success and capitalism is not a way for happiness,
but having no cash or success is really not going to make happy 100%.
People equate business or money with greed or evilness,
but for me it, its about competition and allocation of cash.
People are going to spend, they spend with me,
I can then allocate it, I can do it selfishly or do it selflessly,
for instance, did you know the first dota-allstars community server was supported by me? hehe, like in 2005 or something, pentdragon needed the cash and I wired him 250 to get a hardrive or something. Now of course, he closed that down, went to riot, made lol and he must be happy somewhere, but if I didn't have 250 to send to him, maybe there would have never been that community site, or even LOL haha, just exaggerating, but my point is, capitalism is the system we live in. We can reject the system, try to over throw it, or master it then manipulate it. I'm going for the last one, my brain is not big enough to suggest an alternative, I'm not about it reject it but where I can master/manipulate it to ulitmately get resources, then great.
But at the end of the day, if I get a nice home in Zurich, put money in the trust for my two kids, what else is there, but spending time with my wife and kids and friends that makes live worthwhile, nothing, but it's easier with cash when you can sleep at night without worrying if you will be kicked out the next day or that you can prepare you children the best that you can.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Wow, I'm wiped the fuck out.
3 more hours till I board,
I'm here, let me know.
And thanks for the TL gift! You know how you are!!!!!
I'll pm later!
Cheers,
MA
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On February 05 2014 04:06 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 05 2014 03:16 JieXian wrote:
How racist are the Koreans, Chinese and Japanese? I've heard that it's really bad in Korea and Japan (esp when it comes to marriage) while Chinese people are more open to whites but that's about it. This question has 2 levels, the mass not so educated level and the educated level. The mass not so educated level: Mainland Chinese: I'd say more like distrust than outright hatred but if you're a successful white guy and you marry the farmer's daughter or a rich Singaporean, great, but if you're a poor brown guy, no fucking way. Hong Kong: Not really at all, lots of mixed kids in HK. Taiwan: The land of macho guys, if you're a rich foreigner who can appreciate Chinese things, they are fine with it too, brown guy, not so much. But generally speaking, Chinese are less racist than Koreans and Japanese. Koreans: pretty fucking racist off the bat, but, if you can prove yourself to be a good guy, brown or white or whatever, the friendship will be real and true and a circle of true friends can be made, but the racism is different; with white guys its more of a piss match, (when it comes down to it) and anyone dark skinned is just not really considered at all. Japanese: pretty fucking racist and slightly more than Koreans, but, outside of anyone you marry, you will never be accepted in pure social circle unlike Korea (correct me if you think I'm wrong anyone, but I'm right, so you're wasting your breath), but they pretty much are racist against everyone equally including whites to browns. On the educated level in the context of marriage. Chinese don't care too much as long as your family is rich. Koreans still care but if your family is respectable and high class for your country (not necessarily rich), it may be acceptable. Japanese still care, but will accept it. I think another way to look at it is when you speak their language. A Chinese person will find joy when you try to speak to them in Chinese A Korean will feel pride when you try to speak to them in Korean (if your a white), if you're an overseas Korean with a bad accent (if they are low educated) they will act indignant and insulted (cause its a pride thing that you're supposed to be Korean so why the hell can't you speak Korean) A Japanese will smile and recognize the effort. But if your'e fluent in their language, a telling point comes out. In Chinese, they adore you and think you are now like a Chinese. In Korea they are filled with pride and shock that you can speak Korean, but you're more like a novelty than anything else. In Japan they complement you and now feel they need to watch their words and are a bit suspicious of you that you can figure them out. So take what you will from this; Sweden is a pretty discriminatory place as well etc, but there is a line between ignorance and educated and keeping one's culture intact as a country. Where that line is, I'm not going to make a judgement here, but if some foreigner says they want equal rights in my country and always shocked when things are not up to their sense of morality, seriously, you're in Korea, we're Korean, fuck off. When I'm in Switzerland, and people look at sometimes, well I'm the only white person sized Korean they have ever seen and I drink 5 pints of beer during Octoberfest and kiss the girls a bit more than I should when I'm saying good bye, well fuck it, of course they gonna look, I'm a foreigner to their land, and I respect their laws and enjoy their customs. But dont' let it get you down, there will always be good and bad people, fuck the bad people and just enjoy the time with the good. It aint personal, it's just the way the world is.
Haha thanks for the long and interesting reply but based on the Taiwanese shows I thought the Taiwanese men were the wussies submmiting to their wives... (asking them for fucking pocket money even though they are the ones working and not their wives).
But yeah coming from a country where we don't worry much about political correctness and the truths are spoken I believe not being a slightly bit racist at all towards anyone (ie things like judging people and not serious things like wanting people to die) is unnatural and I accept it as the way things are too
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+ Show Spoiler +On February 04 2014 18:12 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 15:47 boon2537 wrote:
Hey MA. I've read a lot of your blogs and love every bit of them ^_^
Here's my question: how to improve social skills?
I consider myself to be more introverted, so in most social situations, I just try to ask questions and let the other person talk. It works and makes the encounter less awkward, but, in my experience, it doesn't create many deep relationships. I feel that by not really talking much myself, I'm not giving much value to another person. Still, I would prefer silence than hearing myself bullshitting about uninteresting stuff. I have a few good friends who are not bothered by my preference to silence that much, but I feel it's hard to make new friends with my current state. Although I don't find this a pressing issue, social skills is one of the areas I want to improve, so I would like to hear your comment about this. Hey boon2537, it's funny because I was extremely extroverted when I was younger, but so sick of hearing myself blab on about bullshit, I forced myself to shut up and just listen a lot more ^^ I think the first thing is that, since it isn't naturally you, you need to actually make a conscious effort each and every time you engage, but I think it definitely is a range from introverted to extroverted. But you need to recognize, a lot of guys you see who are charming, well dress, good dancers, for them, its important and they put a lot of time into doing their hair, picking the clothes they want to wear: for them this is how they express themselves by being an image and of course there is a balance here, too much image, no substance - you'll never get the sophisticated hot ladies, too much substance no image, the ladies except for the one doing her phd - aint going to be looking at you any time soon. I'd think that you seem very self aware in any case, so this isn't going to be a big stretch for you, and I think for the most part, introverts have extremely good basis for social skills in that, they see the moments when there is awkward silence and do they listen to others, whereas extroverts don't generally care they just go on and on, which does give them a stage to show case their personality, but you'd be surprised as well that they may have many friends and buddies they hang around with but really few close ones as well - I think though the issue lies in the engage of communication process. You know when you should speak, but your topic doesn't flow like a nice story, sometimes there is no punch line or ending and maybe you slow down the pace of the conversation and all I can say is, its all about getting use to speaking with noticing the cues of others and also just pressing on regardless if you get awkward cues and just drawing them in; it's like a stand up comic and they have a bad line, but if they press on they can redeem themselves. The other issue is that extoverts have a lot of cool shit/events that have happened to them recently, no shortage of cool stories that happened last week or yesterday, but introverts tend not to have any real stories that they are the main characters in. So if you try to think of such a story on the spot to add to the topic, likely you will crash and burn. But youll notice that introverts that play a lot of dota or wow, they have lots of cool shit that happened to them in the game, and they can talk endless stories about that, but its not that the rest of the world cares ^^ Extroverts are not looking for a meaningful conversation every time, they just want to feel some energy going on, introverts want to spend meaningful time or then time alone and one major thing would be that introverts that try to play the extrovert game straight get brutally exhausted from enduring all the bullshit to get word in edgewise, while extroverts feel completely repressed to wait their turn to speak and try to listen. So, I wanted to write the above as a background to my advice. 1. Pick your battles you see someone you think is interesting, you'd like to get to know more, as a person or a girl, then just observe and don't waste your energy on every person out there, just expend it upon people you think may be worth it. You want a few good more friends or at least see what is out there, then you need to put more effort into it, im no saying hunt down possible friend candidates, but put the effort in if you think that person would be interesting to be friends with and see where it goes. 2. You need to be very deliberate I know it seems fake, but this ain't a natural state for you, so be sure to pick up cues, but also don't just crop your sentence mid-line just because they want to interject, finish what you have to say, but also the cues you pick to finish off the story faster or to get to the point or to explain in more detail some parts of your story, be aware of it. Some introverts when they finally get the floor, they just go on non-stop and pour out there entire existence and thoughts on the meaning of life. But in any case, sooner or later you will naturally pick up on these engagement cues and it will be natural, but your greatest strength is still your listening. 3. Listening to respond or listening as a sounding post, are two different things You want to be an active participant in a conversation to add in your 2 cents to show off your darling personality. Just listening so the other person can listen to themselves speak is a waste of time (unless it is a hot chick), but seriously even that, if by the end of it, they know nothing about you then they come away with no impression. 4. Your content for stories Hell, if you follow what they are saying, you're likely not going to have a story, but I'd say, easiest thing to do is just mention some cool thing that is happening in the world news or something like that and give your opinion on it and also mention straight that you're really more of a listener than a talker. If you do need to hear a story, interject with questions, well what about that, or how did you feel about that, then you can start to share your feelings or thoughts on a more bitsize level. But yes, it's bullshit, but on some level, a bit of your personality will always come out. 5. It is a long time process It took me about 5 years of deliberate awareness to be more of a listener and introvert and at times I went too far, fundamentally nothing is going to change the fact that I am extroverted, words come easy to me, I have a ton of stories, but I think my need to understand others, especially in business far outweighs my need to entertain myself or stroke my ego. 6. Lastly, sometimes you need to talk to yourself Well, I haven't done this for ages, but when I was a kid, like 12 years old, I would get into all these arguments with evil nerdy bitchy girls, so sometimes I'd win, sometimes I'd lose, but when I'd go home, I'd go through the conversation and re-act it differently and actually speak what I wanted to say, sometime like martial arts practice for the egotistical little asshole that I was. But, it did help, kind of prepping myself for whatever was coming and I haven't thought of that for ages, but maybe I had the compulsion to be an extrovert, but even expressing myself too an effort to express myself with style. Just keep in mind, its not just about the content, but the act of the delivery which can be exciting on to itself and watching peoples reactions - and that is what naturally drives an extrovert - the energy of the discussion and maybe focusing on that, rather than just the content may be a good mental start apart from the points above. Cheers, MA
Thanks for such an in depth response, MA. I'm sure your advice will help not only me, but also other TLers who strive to improve their social skill ^^
I'm somewhat surprised to hear that there's a reverse of my situation too, haha. What resonates to me the most is that I lacks cool/interesting stories to tell, and when I do tell a story, I feel that sometimes the other party is not that interested to hear it, making me think I might have delivered a story poorly. Any tips on making mundane stories sound more interesting? If I can tell a story half as well as Day9 can, I will be a happy man 
Also, unrelated question:
What are your recommended places to eat in Korea?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 06 2014 05:32 boon2537 wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On February 04 2014 18:12 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 15:47 boon2537 wrote:
Hey MA. I've read a lot of your blogs and love every bit of them ^_^
Here's my question: how to improve social skills?
I consider myself to be more introverted, so in most social situations, I just try to ask questions and let the other person talk. It works and makes the encounter less awkward, but, in my experience, it doesn't create many deep relationships. I feel that by not really talking much myself, I'm not giving much value to another person. Still, I would prefer silence than hearing myself bullshitting about uninteresting stuff. I have a few good friends who are not bothered by my preference to silence that much, but I feel it's hard to make new friends with my current state. Although I don't find this a pressing issue, social skills is one of the areas I want to improve, so I would like to hear your comment about this. Hey boon2537, it's funny because I was extremely extroverted when I was younger, but so sick of hearing myself blab on about bullshit, I forced myself to shut up and just listen a lot more ^^ I think the first thing is that, since it isn't naturally you, you need to actually make a conscious effort each and every time you engage, but I think it definitely is a range from introverted to extroverted. But you need to recognize, a lot of guys you see who are charming, well dress, good dancers, for them, its important and they put a lot of time into doing their hair, picking the clothes they want to wear: for them this is how they express themselves by being an image and of course there is a balance here, too much image, no substance - you'll never get the sophisticated hot ladies, too much substance no image, the ladies except for the one doing her phd - aint going to be looking at you any time soon. I'd think that you seem very self aware in any case, so this isn't going to be a big stretch for you, and I think for the most part, introverts have extremely good basis for social skills in that, they see the moments when there is awkward silence and do they listen to others, whereas extroverts don't generally care they just go on and on, which does give them a stage to show case their personality, but you'd be surprised as well that they may have many friends and buddies they hang around with but really few close ones as well - I think though the issue lies in the engage of communication process. You know when you should speak, but your topic doesn't flow like a nice story, sometimes there is no punch line or ending and maybe you slow down the pace of the conversation and all I can say is, its all about getting use to speaking with noticing the cues of others and also just pressing on regardless if you get awkward cues and just drawing them in; it's like a stand up comic and they have a bad line, but if they press on they can redeem themselves. The other issue is that extoverts have a lot of cool shit/events that have happened to them recently, no shortage of cool stories that happened last week or yesterday, but introverts tend not to have any real stories that they are the main characters in. So if you try to think of such a story on the spot to add to the topic, likely you will crash and burn. But youll notice that introverts that play a lot of dota or wow, they have lots of cool shit that happened to them in the game, and they can talk endless stories about that, but its not that the rest of the world cares ^^ Extroverts are not looking for a meaningful conversation every time, they just want to feel some energy going on, introverts want to spend meaningful time or then time alone and one major thing would be that introverts that try to play the extrovert game straight get brutally exhausted from enduring all the bullshit to get word in edgewise, while extroverts feel completely repressed to wait their turn to speak and try to listen. So, I wanted to write the above as a background to my advice. 1. Pick your battles you see someone you think is interesting, you'd like to get to know more, as a person or a girl, then just observe and don't waste your energy on every person out there, just expend it upon people you think may be worth it. You want a few good more friends or at least see what is out there, then you need to put more effort into it, im no saying hunt down possible friend candidates, but put the effort in if you think that person would be interesting to be friends with and see where it goes. 2. You need to be very deliberate I know it seems fake, but this ain't a natural state for you, so be sure to pick up cues, but also don't just crop your sentence mid-line just because they want to interject, finish what you have to say, but also the cues you pick to finish off the story faster or to get to the point or to explain in more detail some parts of your story, be aware of it. Some introverts when they finally get the floor, they just go on non-stop and pour out there entire existence and thoughts on the meaning of life. But in any case, sooner or later you will naturally pick up on these engagement cues and it will be natural, but your greatest strength is still your listening. 3. Listening to respond or listening as a sounding post, are two different things You want to be an active participant in a conversation to add in your 2 cents to show off your darling personality. Just listening so the other person can listen to themselves speak is a waste of time (unless it is a hot chick), but seriously even that, if by the end of it, they know nothing about you then they come away with no impression. 4. Your content for stories Hell, if you follow what they are saying, you're likely not going to have a story, but I'd say, easiest thing to do is just mention some cool thing that is happening in the world news or something like that and give your opinion on it and also mention straight that you're really more of a listener than a talker. If you do need to hear a story, interject with questions, well what about that, or how did you feel about that, then you can start to share your feelings or thoughts on a more bitsize level. But yes, it's bullshit, but on some level, a bit of your personality will always come out. 5. It is a long time process It took me about 5 years of deliberate awareness to be more of a listener and introvert and at times I went too far, fundamentally nothing is going to change the fact that I am extroverted, words come easy to me, I have a ton of stories, but I think my need to understand others, especially in business far outweighs my need to entertain myself or stroke my ego. 6. Lastly, sometimes you need to talk to yourself Well, I haven't done this for ages, but when I was a kid, like 12 years old, I would get into all these arguments with evil nerdy bitchy girls, so sometimes I'd win, sometimes I'd lose, but when I'd go home, I'd go through the conversation and re-act it differently and actually speak what I wanted to say, sometime like martial arts practice for the egotistical little asshole that I was. But, it did help, kind of prepping myself for whatever was coming and I haven't thought of that for ages, but maybe I had the compulsion to be an extrovert, but even expressing myself too an effort to express myself with style. Just keep in mind, its not just about the content, but the act of the delivery which can be exciting on to itself and watching peoples reactions - and that is what naturally drives an extrovert - the energy of the discussion and maybe focusing on that, rather than just the content may be a good mental start apart from the points above. Cheers, MA Thanks for such an in depth response, MA. I'm sure your advice will help not only me, but also other TLers who strive to improve their social skill ^^ I'm somewhat surprised to hear that there's a reverse of my situation too, haha. What resonates to me the most is that I lacks cool/interesting stories to tell, and when I do tell a story, I feel that sometimes the other party is not that interested to hear it, making me think I might have delivered a story poorly. Any tips on making mundane stories sound more interesting? If I can tell a story half as well as Day9 can, I will be a happy man Also, unrelated question: What are your recommended places to eat in Korea?
All I can say is, maybe watch a lot of stand up comedy, like Russel Peters, and see how he interacts, plus he is funny as fuck. But really, I know some guys who are very introverted, but whenever they something, it's just witty as hell, and it can just be a one liner, but their timing in impeccable. ^^
Places to eat in Korea, usually everywhere is great, Korean food is really simple, so it really more dependent upon the ingredients. But my favorite places are, in Seoul only,
Nongol Gep (like nongol house) it's a chain of Korean bbq, but anyway the one near sinsa station, you take the left if you're facing straight towards gangnam at the sinsa intersection, the third street take a right, go up the hill and it is across from the GS. The price is very good, and the service is always good.
My absolute favorite place for jajangmeun (sorry I don't what the english spellings are), the Korean Chinese black bean noodle, is in Mira Apt in Apjujeong, it is where the fitness gym is, so after Hyundai department store going towards the 88, then Shin-hyundai, then its Mira apt, like maybe 4 blocks down form Hyundai department store, just go into the aptment complex and it will be there. I use to go there at least once a week with my family.
For Dakgogi (hot chicken mixed rice), maybe I'm a noob, but my favorite place is in Rodeo Drive in Apgujeong, from the Gallaria side, go down 2 blocks then take a left then 2 blocks and its on your left side.
But seriously, everywhere is usually great, if the place is packed, its good ^^
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On February 06 2014 00:58 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 05 2014 04:47 Yorbon wrote:
Have you ever been to the Netherlands? If yes, what were your impressions? If no, what would be your expectations? I have and I have a couple of friends from Netherlands as well, and of course one of them is Naz ^^ Well, I really love it there too, its been about 5 years though the last time I visited, but what I really like about the Dutch is that they are pretty forthright and can kickbox and really are fearless, from my experience at least. Did you know the first foreigners to Korea were ship wreaked Dutch sailors? A bit of a sad story, but the first foreign mixed blood was Dutch keke. I guess i'm not very dutch, haha, i wouldn't call myself fearless. I guess my quarter Indonesian blood got the better of me there
You should come again soon :D + Show Spoiler +nah, i get you're quite busy, no need to take it too seriously
I did not know that, pretty fun fact indeed.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 06 2014 06:30 jaymik wrote:
Are you happy?
I'm always optimistic, but if my wife is taken care of, my kids are taken care of and I have work that I can do, whether I enjoy it or not, but I am able to work to provide for my family, then I'm happy. But happy, sad, it's all kinda bullshit pussy talk really; whether I am feeling whatever, I'm still going to do what I need to do and if the outcome is good, I'll be happy, if it isn't good, I'm not going to be sad, I'm just going to get back to it.
Being happy or sad it is kind of terminology for the young. For instance, I'm not just happy when I see my boys, I'm completely fulfilled. I mean you will always do things for yourself, but the older you get, and the more of man than a boy you are, just taking care of your responsibilities is enough to cover being happy at the very least. But I don't do things to be happy and I don't care if I'm happy, I'm living my life and even in the toughest time, I can be happy, as long as I'm doing what needs to be done.
Edit: Boarding delayed a bit: Thing is, I'm very thankful. I'm thankful I was born into a good family with good parents. I have good health, I'm not ugly, I'm not short, I'm smart enough, and I went to good schools, and yes, I worked hard, etc, but I'm thankful for those things and so I always appreciate everything, no matter how bad etc. I have 2 sons, they are both healthy, I have a great wife, she loves me. A lot of really shitty things I have to deal with, but I've never gone to war, I've never had to endure some horrible things that some other people have had too, my life is as hard or as easy as I choose. And I choose to make my life as hard as it can be sometimes because I have the capacity to do it, to handle it and I want the challenge. If people really can appreciate all the good things they have that can allow them to be better, then I think that will always supersede any simple understanding of letting the situation dictate if you are happy or sad etc. I don't want to say that Im immune to selfish or selfcentered thoughts, but really I don't have that luxury too, I'm just too busy to care at times and too thankful to God when I do have time to spend with my family and just appreciate it all.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Time to board,
if there are any other questions, I'll get to it in the next 24 hrs.
^^
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Hi MA,
Having read through the gruelling experience that you went through and understanding that you've developed as a person, was the price too high? Would you do it again, knowing how it will pan out? What would you have done differently?
I realise my experiences are nothing compared to what you have gone through. I would imagine that it would have been hell going through it. That said, you are so very qualified and such a gun, how is it that you didn’t quickly land a high paying job. I’m sure PWC would have welcomed you back in open arms.
Thanks for being so open, your post on your past experiences have been really insightful and puts things into perspective for me!
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51386 Posts
Long time reader, first time question asker.
I'm an Asian-Australian currently studying Korean at university (UNSW in Sydney if you're curious). I guess you could say I've always wanted to learn Korean ever since I started watching Brood War in the early years of high school and now I'm a year into learning it formally.
In most likelihood, I'll be going to Korea on exchange for my studies in the next year or so. The only way I've been practicing Korean outside of classes is with a Australian-raised Korean who doesn't even hang out with a Korean clique, therefore, I feel reluctant to speak it with him which means we converse in English 99.9% of the time.
What would be the best way of improving my 한국어 outside of a classroom setting? I don't enjoy watching dramas, but I try and watch Starcraft in Korean and I sing Korean songs at the 노래방, but I feel that isn't enough. I joined the Korean Student Association at my university to help accelerate my learning, but the group is more of a tight knit bunch of Koreans than anything else so I felt it wasn't too useful.
I actually met some Korean girls at a bar a week or so ago, and even though I spoke Korean, it felt I was speaking like a dumb foreigner - my sentence structure feels really broken and I have an extremely limited vocabulary.
Which sort of leads me to the next point, as an non-Korean Asian who can speak some Korean, how am I going to be treated once I get to Korea? I already went in 2012, but I didn't know much Korean at all, and I all I did was pretty much go to Proleague every day (lol) and leech off MrHoon (<3). This time, I will probably will be doing way more than that.
Sorry if it's a poorly worded question, but hopefully you get the jist of it.
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7 pages deep on the first topic...
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On February 06 2014 12:25 GTR wrote:
Long time reader, first time question asker.
I'm an Asian-Australian currently studying Korean at university (UNSW in Sydney if you're curious). I guess you could say I've always wanted to learn Korean ever since I started watching Brood War in the early years of high school and now I'm a year into learning it formally.
In most likelihood, I'll be going to Korea on exchange for my studies in the next year or so. The only way I've been practicing Korean outside of classes is with a Australian-raised Korean who doesn't even hang out with a Korean clique, therefore, I feel reluctant to speak it with him which means we converse in English 99.9% of the time.
What would be the best way of improving my 한국어 outside of a classroom setting? I don't enjoy watching dramas, but I try and watch Starcraft in Korean and I sing Korean songs at the 노래방, but I feel that isn't enough. I joined the Korean Student Association at my university to help accelerate my learning, but the group is more of a tight knit bunch of Koreans than anything else so I felt it wasn't too useful.
I actually met some Korean girls at a bar a week or so ago, and even though I spoke Korean, it felt I was speaking like a dumb foreigner - my sentence structure feels really broken and I have an extremely limited vocabulary.
Which sort of leads me to the next point, as an non-Korean Asian who can speak some Korean, how am I going to be treated once I get to Korea? I already went in 2012, but I didn't know much Korean at all, and I all I did was pretty much go to Proleague every day (lol) and leech off MrHoon (<3). This time, I will probably will be doing way more than that.
Sorry if it's a poorly worded question, but hopefully you get the jist of it.
I'm sure MA will give you a more detailed response, but here's my two cents:
1) Shadowing - find some audio materials with a script and just keep practicing reading along with it until you can follow along at the same speed. Try to copy their accent. It doesn't have to be anything super hard, just some textbook dialogue or children's story would be fine if you're starting out. If you're already expert level at this then try rap lyrics, it's a good way to practice getting the sounds out of your mouth faster
2) Use online resources - there are tons of language exchange websites out there. I've used Sharedtalk.com a lot, but there are others too. If you're a native English speaker then there will be tons of Koreans out there willing to chat on Skype with you. And the time difference between AUS and KR is not that great, which works in your favour
3) Record yourself speaking - it's really awkward at first, but it helps tremendously in identifying how you sound, and you can compare yourself to native speakers to figure out which sounds/tones you need to work on
4) Being stubborn goes a long way - if you want to practice with Koreans, I've found that sometimes you have to force the issue. Most Koreans will assume you know zero Korean until you prove otherwise, and will try to converse in their broken English instead. There was a period where I pretty much refused to speak English with people I met, so the first part of the conversation would be a battle of wills between their broken English and my broken Korean, and eventually they would cave and we would continue the conversation in Korean. I'm not saying it's a great way to make friends, but it's a good way to force yourself not to take the "easy way out"
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
or just realize immersion is the best way and until then theres not much more u can do other than what you're already doing
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Korea (South)11570 Posts
with vocab, i found reading helps a lot. find a book that you are interested in and read it. I just finished reading 정글만리 and it improved my vocab a lot.
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On February 06 2014 03:48 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 05 2014 18:43 yunogg wrote:
안녕하세요 형,
I don't post here much and I'm glad to have seen this post. I read through your first one and the quality of your replies told me that I should probably get advice from you (not sure when else I'd be able to receive such advice).
As for a little background, I'm currently about to graduate from a pretty good university (undergrad), and I'm set to work at Oracle as a Sales Consultant. It's an entry level job and it's not really that great, but I'm just glad I got a job. However, I'm just worried because I'm not so sure whether I'd be able to move up vertically. I hear that a lot of people look down on sales... and although I'm not exactly a sales rep, I'm still in the department (providing technical information about Oracle's products). What should I do to make sure I get the most out of this opportunity + move up within the company? Should I look for other opportunities?
Another worry is that I'm a philosophy major and I feel like I don't have any "skills". I feel like I should've gone into computer science or engineering because there's such a huge demand for them. How do I deal with this feeling of inadequacy of being a philosophy major? Should I go to law school? I don't want to sound cocky but I'm kind of smart and I'm sure I can do well enough on the LSATs to get into a top program. Or do you think an MBA would be better? Maybe I should've gone into finance..................................... I love philosophy, but sometimes I wonder if I chose the wrong major.
My final question has to do with religion. From your recommendation of the Bible as a book to read in the last blog, I'm presuming you are a Christian. What do you do to keep holding on to your faith? As a man who is financially quite well off, do you think you are giving back enough?
감사합니다. I think it's wonderful that you're doing this. If I'm ever successful as you are, I will make sure to do the same.
Anyong ^^, A lot of people misunderstand sales, they usually think of a used car sales man, who wheels and deals and is unethical. Sales is probably the most important thing for a company to survive and grow especially when the products are nearly all the same. But for sales, it not a matter of moving up vertically, its a matter of switching positions to get more commission, but it seems more like you are an account manager support the sales rep which actually has even less vertical than a sales rep. But it is a good learning experience, oracle is wow, such a great company and because you're at such a big company there should be some intra company classes or development program. Find out out about it, learn everything you can, take all the class you can, if there are performance metrics, go for number one in your group. But looking for other opportunities as graduate is a must, it would be better to work as an intern in a field you are really engaged in than to set to work in something your'e not passionate about because you will need to spend at least a year in your first job when you start (ideally 3 years). Frankly speaking, if you've gone to a good school and your major is philosophy then you can apply for a consulting job, but you may be too lacking in basic management knowledge to qualify and it seems as though you are still in an academic mind set. But there is nothing bad about being a philosophy major, on an intellectual level, it will wow most people, but on a practical level, it is lacking so you do need to follow up on it, but I wouldn't say it is a waste, but it will take more time to integrate what you've learned as a mental framework to give value to some practical purpose. Some of the top business strategists and finance guys are from philosophy. I did my undergrad in political philosophy and english lit, then did a masters in divinity (theology) didn't graduate and went right into my MBA. If you're talking about law school, then if you have the chops for it, just apply and get it, if you dont' know what you should be doing, doing law school is a good stop gap as any and with a law degree you can still do your mba after or whatever. But if you love philosophy, why not go for being a professor then? That was something I considered once before. But what I'm not seeing is if philosophy is your passion, dive into it, but if it is not your only passion or you feel this need to do something practical, then you need to really investigate this thoroughly, this is not the time to just base your decisions on just what is in front of you, go do some hardcore research into law, or teaching, or other jobs or your own passion. **** I'm a Christian, 4th generation Korean protestant; as I was born into a Christian family, I always had confidence to challenge God and if God is God, he will answer and he's always been consistent in that. Being Christian isn't something you hold on to, either you are in Christ or not and if you're in Christ you grown the faith. And faith being, for me, seeing the world as God sees it and that just takes time, pray and sincerity. The gift we are given is that are given time to grow into being more faithful. I was financially well off, and now, on paper value (stock holdings) maybe I am at this point, but my bank account just holds my monthly salary at this moment, but to your point; having been raised serving the church, I've always been a sunday school teacher and when I was doing my masters in divinity I served at 3 churches every sunday, doing the sermons and teaching, but as of the last few years, I don't do that because of my travel schedule also I don't mention my background to whatever church I attend as it tends to make the clergy uncomfortable. But my hope is to one day amass a great wealth and open up a massive library in my wife's name and put in a full studio for video production for those students who may not fit into the traditional korean model of success but are creative and talented. I don't feel the need to donate it to a church persay, but rather, if it is done with love, that is all Christ wants me to do, the rest God can do. And to end: Stop being wishywashy and look into your options! asap! ^^
Thank you
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Hello mightyatom hyung!
I must say that I always enjoyed reading your blogs because they gave a sense of personal growth and achievement through hard work, which is something I've always appreciated. Thank you for providing us your guidance.
My question is, do you have any guidelines or wisdom on being and staying humble? As a christian also I greatly value being humble about the things you say and do and achieve because it means that you don't come off as arrogant or condescending and you don't give yourself too much credit; after all, it has been many other people, great hyungs etc who have helped you come to that point, even if you decided to get your act together to get where you are. It is our ego and ambition that truly drives us forward and motivates us to achieve things, but I don't want to show an egoistical side to people who are close to me, or anyone for that matter.
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Always have enjoyed reading your blogs, incredibly insightful of the challenges you faced and how you were able to achieve what you have today.
My question has two parts, I have a rough plan in my mind, but I'd love to get your nugget of wisdom.
I was in a online relationship with a friend I've known for many years (she went through a traumatic time and I spent a lot of time helping her recover when no one seemed to care about her and seeing the suffering left a mark on me about people and life) we've split up for a while now, but she left a huge impact in a positive way which resulted in me going back to school (when I was 100% I was done with it) and trying to finish my degree in tourism. Everything clicked, my job in a restaurant working along side my boss with managing, marketing, reconstructing the business was in sync with everything I was learning in school. Yet I feel I'm underachieving, the opportunities and people I've met have been great and I can see the growth within me, yet I'm unsure what I want. I want to manage at some point and reach senior level as soon as I can. It's simply can't be just work your ass off till you make it is it? I thought of working in a hotel and moving up the corporate ladder, yet I want travel opportunities around the work, is it too late to start? The whole seasonality of the industry annoys me and I hope to get a 9-5 job in the industry that pays fairly well.
The breakup distorted my thinking and I made a fairly large investment and leased a $50,000 car and I'm able to pay it off along with my expenses, but I feel restricted. I don't work full time, but perhaps I should consider increase my hours some more to give myself some breathing room.
I want to eventually meet my ex once I've finished my degree and I can perhaps work overseas for some experience at a hotel ( or even gain experience now while I'm still in school). I'm seeing other people and enjoying the joys of life. Part of me has move on, yet there are moments where I wish I can see her in person and rekindle the relationship. (I'm a person that stands by his words, and means what he says and it was something I promised and I'd hate to back down on my word).
TLDR: getting back on track after break up, school and work going well, bad financial purchase, wants to meet exgf irl in a different country while moving up in the tourism industry (hopefully in another country).
Look forward to hear what you have to say, your comments not only for myself but for all other posters is invaluable!!
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massage parlor/salons/red light districts try or no try?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Guys,
give me 48hrs to respond,
I got quite ill on my travels and am just recovering after going for a hospital check up,
it's not serious, but I'm just extremely tired at this point,
but I will get to these ^^
Cheers!
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I saw your answer about happiness in your life. Fulfillment in family. A great upbringing. You wrap it up giving thanks to God. This forum being on the secular side of things, I don't want to broach some wide ranging religion question. Let me just ask, what was your journey through life like with regards to believing something supernatural out there? How has your views on God or religious matters changed as life has gone on?
+ Show Spoiler +I've been mostly single for some time now, but find my happiness volunteering and helping others in a nonprofit and religious context. I don't have fulfillment in family and job for that reason. It's only the rest that matters currently. I know how others have shared with me ... divine experiences touching them deeply, and since this is Ask-Me-Anything format, was wondering what that meant to you personally, no judgement
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Uhm, I dont know whether I can still ask something but I will give it a shot anyway:
How do you keep track of things you learn, whether it by reading, listening or watching, etc.? How do you organize it? Im ttying to learn from many fields but I have a hard time forming a bigger picture where t all fits and can easily be accessed. What devices do you use? (Ive learned that a paper bases organizer is very useful for me and that Evernotr is one of the best programsto get to information when it is needed)
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1) How would you deal with a parent who tries to force you to subscribe to a certain religion? Let's say you do not disparage their beliefs at all and have already told them that you respect their beliefs, and they can believe what they want, but you choose not to. However, that parent will force you to take part in religious rituals and flip out at you if you don't want to.
2) How do you size-up or gauge new people you meet? I.e. how do you ascertain their personality traits and find out whether they are honest or trustworthy?
3) When you take up a new job, how do you start off on a good note? How do you let others know you are capable and reliant?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 06 2014 07:42 Trainninja wrote:
Hi MA,
Having read through the gruelling experience that you went through and understanding that you've developed as a person, was the price too high? Would you do it again, knowing how it will pan out? What would you have done differently?
I realise my experiences are nothing compared to what you have gone through. I would imagine that it would have been hell going through it. That said, you are so very qualified and such a gun, how is it that you didn’t quickly land a high paying job. I’m sure PWC would have welcomed you back in open arms.
Thanks for being so open, your post on your past experiences have been really insightful and puts things into perspective for me!
It's a pretty thoughtful question, I don't know if the price was too high, but the price was pretty high (relatively) because I had the security etc, what most people would deem as more than successful, but I don't think I had much of a real choice in the path I took, I knew myself and I also knew I'd regret to try and go for it. But I wouldn't ever want to repeat those few years ever again, of course if I had too, but really, I would never ever want to again. Even though I wouldn't say that I've made it -in terms of business results yet, capability wise I am better. I think of what I know now, looking back, I'm glad I didn't know it, or really I would haven't have started this. There were so many times where it was right down to the wire and I guess some times it was negative but I was durable enough to survive, but there were times I probably drowned and I was lucky to get revived, but really, the toll on my own health- it's been a lot.
I think, you nearly always make the best decision you can at the time, even if my future self went back in time and say, 'hey you stupid fuck, this is you, older and I'm gonna tell you, don't do this or that' and I'm sure my past self would say, 'hey, when I become such a fucking pussy, go fuck off old man, I have what it takes and apparently you didn't'; OTHER THAN, actions taken when you are too emotional, I think most other major decisions are the product of really where we are at, if we are there to make the 'right' decision then great, if not, then it's likely we need this experience to make the right decision next time. I'm not for thinking life is just a bunch of lucky decisions, we make the decisions we are meant to make at that time.
I give respect to everyone and their own experiences- everyone is in a different place, can we expect some kid raised in suburbia to understand what it is to be a child solider in Africa - no, but does that make the kid in suburbia's problems less real, of course not. Life is all relative, and we always adjust to the situation.
*******
When I was looking for a stop gap measure, I really wasn't qualified as a consultant any longer - in a general sense and it wasn't appealing. An established consulting firm or a big one will be a partnership, so getting back into it, at my age, I'd need to go in at a senior manager level and that is a very involved process; I probably could have jumped back in at a manager level, but for the massive amount of work and my age, I wouldn't be appealing to any of those firms and I wouldn't have been happy with the compensation. Also, for me to jump into a senior manager position it would have to be in the industry that have been in the last 6 years, and the industry that I'm is pretty new and specialized; unless I was going to move to only 2 countries, there wouldn't have been enough work for any firm to justify me as a hire. Basically, every market and consulting firm relies on projects and depending on the country, there are far more projects available such as mining in Australia etc.
The only other option of looking for work as an executive in my industry would have involved me giving up my company and that wasn't something I was prepared to do; so I had interviewed with companies that were in my industry, but not in my specific field. Thing is, unlike finance, top executive management positions are not plentiful, and they don't make a new position for people and for every major opening, there are a number of internal hires (from within the company) and a number of high profile external hires. Once you leave such a position, unless you are headhunted for another job, you will find, no matter how qualified and accomplished you are, if the market isn't growing, jobs at the senior director/vp/president are very difficult to acquire. I was lucky to get the consulting job that I did at my lowest point, but it was all timing, they needed someone for some outstanding projects that they had and I had the skill set. What a lot of people don't realize is that the salary you get a senior executive, that is based on results on results from year to year, it is extremely difficult to justify to pay someone that much as a new hire, no matter how accomplished, because they did that for another company, not yours. The only time this isn't the case is if the company is a public company- that the new hire is worth it because shareholders need some good news or that the new hire matches a new strategic path.
At the end of the day, many people and even my ex-staff asked me to come back to my old company, but once I had made my decision, it was done, about 2 months after I left, I had a chance to go back, but I didn't. And I wouldn't, its a choice I made, there is pride, but it is also about really going for it. one time.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 06 2014 12:25 GTR wrote:
Long time reader, first time question asker.
I'm an Asian-Australian currently studying Korean at university (UNSW in Sydney if you're curious). I guess you could say I've always wanted to learn Korean ever since I started watching Brood War in the early years of high school and now I'm a year into learning it formally.
In most likelihood, I'll be going to Korea on exchange for my studies in the next year or so. The only way I've been practicing Korean outside of classes is with a Australian-raised Korean who doesn't even hang out with a Korean clique, therefore, I feel reluctant to speak it with him which means we converse in English 99.9% of the time.
What would be the best way of improving my 한국어 outside of a classroom setting? I don't enjoy watching dramas, but I try and watch Starcraft in Korean and I sing Korean songs at the 노래방, but I feel that isn't enough. I joined the Korean Student Association at my university to help accelerate my learning, but the group is more of a tight knit bunch of Koreans than anything else so I felt it wasn't too useful.
I actually met some Korean girls at a bar a week or so ago, and even though I spoke Korean, it felt I was speaking like a dumb foreigner - my sentence structure feels really broken and I have an extremely limited vocabulary.
Which sort of leads me to the next point, as an non-Korean Asian who can speak some Korean, how am I going to be treated once I get to Korea? I already went in 2012, but I didn't know much Korean at all, and I all I did was pretty much go to Proleague every day (lol) and leech off MrHoon (<3). This time, I will probably will be doing way more than that.
Sorry if it's a poorly worded question, but hopefully you get the jist of it.
Especially as Kyopo, it is very tough to learn, because if you're a foreigner, then you dont' mind trying and looking dumb/cute because you're a foreigner, but in the case of being a Kyopo, it's like because you are Korean in blood, then you feel embarrassment that you can't speak Korean better, so instead of trying and making those dumb excuses, you just try to learn via the path of the least resistance and year after year you never improve.
Also as a Kyopo, you have your own thoughts, and sometimes socially, it doesn't match with immigrants or visa students, but I'd say, the easiest way, outside of full immersion, is get a Korean Korean girlfriend and ask her to really teach you and just try. The number one thing is to actually speak, most Kyopos understand far more than they can speak, and so you need to at least repeat what you hear and take then phrases by phrases, you'd be surprised how fast you can learn when you start repeating and asking what means what.
Korean now is so much different than 10 years ago, relatively a lot of Koreans speak, and if you meet educated Koreans, they will understand, if you meet uneducated koreans, they will think they have the right to insult you because they can't understand how you could not speak Korean and may outright say, what kind of parents you had to not teach you Korean. But low class is low class everywhere, but as a Korean not being able to speak much Korean, at the end of the day, you're life will be much fuller when you do and even if you're never perfect, as long as you can get to an conversational level its enough and you can.
When you first go to Korea, go to one of the language programs at Yonsei or Sogang and if you don't know numbers and dates and hours, then just force yourself to learn that first. But if you do have time, watching movies, dramas, etc, its all crap from just trial and error in speaking Korean and getting corrected and practicing phrases over and over again. I'd say, go back to your Korean association and say, 'guys, look, I really really want to learn Korean can you guys help me, sincerely' and sincerely, they will because we are Korean.
But no matter how well you speak or don't if you try, the good Koreans will know your sincerity and that is all that counts, so don't worry to be embarrassed, as I mentioned, I understand it very much, my Korean will never be more than conversational,I never speak it outside of my home, for business it is in German, Chinese and English and rarely in Korean, but when I really speak with my wife it is always in Korean. Just try, work through the feeling that you should be better but aren't, don't let that get in the way of you learning, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, this is a bad thing about our culture that we define everything through our blood, so if you are Korean, you should be able to speak; but aside from that, just put it aside, and just learn, that's it.
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My God, I can't believe I missed this from not being around the forums as much. I'm so grateful for the featured blogs section right now ^^ I hope you're still around to answer later! Reading your blogs and responses puts me at ease every time (though I'm always conscious of how amazing you and your advice are, and I worry about not remembering everything haha )
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You sound dead inside, and the least "manly" thing you could be doing is offering your "expert manly man advice for men" on the internet. Don't be so full of yourself.
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On February 08 2014 11:39 Jermman wrote:
You sound dead inside, and the least "manly" thing you could be doing is offering your "expert manly man advice for men" on the internet. Don't be so full of yourself.
Why are you even here? Troll somewhere else.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 01:36 Ahzz wrote:
Hello mightyatom hyung!
I must say that I always enjoyed reading your blogs because they gave a sense of personal growth and achievement through hard work, which is something I've always appreciated. Thank you for providing us your guidance.
My question is, do you have any guidelines or wisdom on being and staying humble? As a christian also I greatly value being humble about the things you say and do and achieve because it means that you don't come off as arrogant or condescending and you don't give yourself too much credit; after all, it has been many other people, great hyungs etc who have helped you come to that point, even if you decided to get your act together to get where you are. It is our ego and ambition that truly drives us forward and motivates us to achieve things, but I don't want to show an egoistical side to people who are close to me, or anyone for that matter.
I hate the word humility or staying humble. I wasn't born that way to be 'humble' in the way most people want you to be. My entire life people have called me arrogant, some teachers went out of their way to correct me, my father spent most of our relationship trying to keep me humble and people have pegged me as public enemy number one because they thought I was too arrogant and should be more humble. Every year, I would write down, from when I was in grade 4! that I would try not to draw attention to myself and be more 'humble' and every year I failed and I constantly beat myself up over this.
I almost feel as the word humility comes about by people who are simply not as driven, annoyed by people who are very confident and honestly, when you're young, sometimes you are just so oblivious to what other people are thinking and feeling, even as you go on and on about what you're doing, what you can do. But we are made to feel as though we are so wrong, when it's just a part of growing up and being mature and understanding others in general.
Is it wrong to want to be great? No, most people wouldn't say that it is. Is it wrong to say or for people to know that you think you can be great? Yes, it makes people just think you're so arrogant. BUT, even when you don't say it, you try to hide it, just by your actions of taking responsibility, from achieving, from correcting others by having a higher standard that people compare themselves them to -even if you don't correct them- this is where I think a real conflict emerges, then are you supposed to hide also your ability?
I'm not humble whatsoever, but would I say I'm arrogant? I would say a lot of people would say so as well. But at the heart of this that the perspective of this is all about a judgement on you, not about you actually. I would say, I'm very honest with myself of my own capabilities and I owe up to my responsibilities.
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But lets say, the above is true, the fact is, we need to answer the fundamental question is if we really are arrogant and egotistical. Of course, when you're young, you're not, but sometimes successes blind us and for everyone who is confident, we do make the mistakes of being egotistical and arrogant at times, but again, if you're trying to be the better man, eventually you'll grow out of it, or manage it.
I know that isn't your actual question, but I just wanted to say, for me, really being arrogant and egotistical is when:
you stop listening to others,
you stop thinking you can learn from anyone and
when you look down on everyone.
It's hard to really know when you are being arrogant and egotistical until someone close to says it outright, but for the most part, if you feel as though you're not learning, and no matter how great you may think you are, to say that even the greatest are not in a state of constant learning - now that is arrogance.
But the issue then becomes, if you become great in your field, you're dedicated, you've thought deeply upon hours and hours about the same things, and someone who is less qualified than you or someone as a critic or observer gives their back seat advice directly and it seems like you don't care or you're not listening, are you actually arrogant or just not wasting time to make them feel good about themselves, and of course it is the later.
I learn, but someone trying to teach me something because they think they know something I'm missing or I am learning because 'm open minded to see and not pass judgement on who I can learn from are 2 different things. I mean if Mike Tyson rejects 98% of the advice he gets from internet forums at the height of his career, then that is a given. But Mike Tyson also accepts 98% of the advice he is given from his trainers because we qualify, who is worth enough of a damn to have the right to call us arrogant when we are aren't listen and who are those who have nothing better to do than to say, you're arrogant because they feel hurt we don't listen to them or never will.
People have a tendency to image successful people are looking down on them or that successful (aka arrogant people) go through their lives insensitive to other people's feelings, but we should care etc. But this has NOTHING to do with us, and everything to do with other people's insecurities and self-judgement. That being said, whether we are justified in not giving a shit about these peons is besides the point because their reaction to us and those around us can be poisonous and can also be a constant burden where our capability becomes and object of scorn and a 'reputation' precedes us that does make it harder to not only work, but also to start to second guess ourselves as people go out of their way to be 'offended' by our arrogance.
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I think there are four ways to accomplish the goal of not being a target of being an arrogant asshole (assuming you really aren't), -but there are two things to note; 1. you will slip up, no matter what you do, you'll never get away clean without someone with a chip on their shoulder calling you out. 2. one day you're going to either have to develop a much thicker skin or work much more in the shadows.
So: number 1, recognize and clearly state that you stand on the achievements of others and that you always appreciate all the things that have gotten you here - and whenever you can, at really not cost to yourself, self-deface yourself at all times because usually this comes up when you are in that position what you are saying could be constituted as egotistical. False modesty won't ever work, not only will you be called out for being fake and acting like a pussy, false modesty only works in some instances, not on a constant daily basis. If you get complemented, be sincere but if the crowd is general acquaintances that don't really know you, do the above.
Number 2: never ever say a negative thing about anyone in a public sweeping way, never make a generalization and say that this sucks or they suck or they are incompetent or my favorite 'that they are garbage' and to that end, never say anything publicly that be construed as an extreme position of judgement
Number 3: don't ever assume that those closest to you are not jealous or don't have a chip on their shoulder as well, you need to be 100% certain that the person is just as self-assured as you are or else they are simply going to expose you behind your back in any case.
Number 4: the most important thing; never ever monologue or go on about what you've done or why you deserve this or can do this. You may think it is something you need to do to set a standard or show what you are capable of, just don't do it and this is probably the only really legitimate thing that does really push people over the edge and make someone look like an egotistical asshole. Take a deep breath, unless it is a job interview, you don't need for people to know how capable you are every time you meet someone new, or in a new team situation or at work. Give the peons the benefit of the doubt or crush them legitimately later but to simply state what you can do, or have one, this is the one time we deserve to be hanged out to dry as egotistical assholes.
There is a point of maturity, where we gauge our words, we don't ever monologue about our accomplishments, and we have a good enough judge of character to not expose our inward thoughts to just anyone. But you're absolutely correct, it is something we need to be aware and manage.
I know when I write, I hurt people. It exposes people, 'how can this cunt think he knows what is up', when of course, they don't or even if they think they do, they wouldn't have the balls to be exposed like that. But, I don't give a shit if 50% one star me or troll me with some bullshit questions which I try to turn into something productive. Because I don't give a shit about them.
I'm not writing for them, I am writing for myself to contribute and if I do some good and contribute here, then I'm satisfied, I'm not looking to save the world or be Oprah here. But I'll take on a role and I'll be exposed for that role, but I'm at a point in my life, my skin is thick, plus, I don't need to prove to anyone anything except to myself.
But people can read what I've written in this point and then re-read everything I written in a very cynical way that obviously MA has applied this to what he's written, he truly is an egotistical cunt- and they can miss the sincerity that I've put into each of these posts.
But being Korean- I'm not here to win an argument for the sake of winning an argument or to change people's thinking, I don't care about those who I will not share a sincere moment with- people go be whatever you want to do, I'm not judging you directly even though some people will translate what I've written that they are pussies. But really, for those people I don't care if you man up or be pussy, you think I'm judging by what I'm writing, but really I don't care about you whatsoever because as I should be nothing to you, you are nothing to me, unless we meet somewhere here with some 'sincerity and authenticity.'
I actually spent a lot of time on this post, not re-writing it, but that this is a question I think, most people won't get really what you're asking and it is something, as you can see, is something I dealt with my entire life. So while most people may give you the flippant answer to simply not be egotistical,-and by asking such a question, you've being egotistical- (well besides saying fuck'em) I'm not saying that- instead be the best you can be, be capable, be wary of actually being arrogant, but its a learning process and until you get a point where you are better understood by those around you, it is wise to guard yourself from being labeled egotistical.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 02:32 TotheSky wrote:
Always have enjoyed reading your blogs, incredibly insightful of the challenges you faced and how you were able to achieve what you have today.
My question has two parts, I have a rough plan in my mind, but I'd love to get your nugget of wisdom.
I was in a online relationship with a friend I've known for many years (she went through a traumatic time and I spent a lot of time helping her recover when no one seemed to care about her and seeing the suffering left a mark on me about people and life) we've split up for a while now, but she left a huge impact in a positive way which resulted in me going back to school (when I was 100% I was done with it) and trying to finish my degree in tourism. Everything clicked, my job in a restaurant working along side my boss with managing, marketing, reconstructing the business was in sync with everything I was learning in school. Yet I feel I'm underachieving, the opportunities and people I've met have been great and I can see the growth within me, yet I'm unsure what I want. I want to manage at some point and reach senior level as soon as I can. It's simply can't be just work your ass off till you make it is it? I thought of working in a hotel and moving up the corporate ladder, yet I want travel opportunities around the work, is it too late to start? The whole seasonality of the industry annoys me and I hope to get a 9-5 job in the industry that pays fairly well.
The breakup distorted my thinking and I made a fairly large investment and leased a $50,000 car and I'm able to pay it off along with my expenses, but I feel restricted. I don't work full time, but perhaps I should consider increase my hours some more to give myself some breathing room.
I want to eventually meet my ex once I've finished my degree and I can perhaps work overseas for some experience at a hotel ( or even gain experience now while I'm still in school). I'm seeing other people and enjoying the joys of life. Part of me has move on, yet there are moments where I wish I can see her in person and rekindle the relationship. (I'm a person that stands by his words, and means what he says and it was something I promised and I'd hate to back down on my word).
TLDR: getting back on track after break up, school and work going well, bad financial purchase, wants to meet exgf irl in a different country while moving up in the tourism industry (hopefully in another country).
Look forward to hear what you have to say, your comments not only for myself but for all other posters is invaluable!!
Hey thanks for sharing very openly and honestly, and sorry for the late response.
I think at the heart of it, you seem very thoughtful and not selfish enough in an active way.
What I mean by that is that we are all naturally predisposed to look to what we feel is meaningful to us, or what contributes to the image of us. Your own image may be one of being a thoughtful confidant and it you've gotten a lot out of being there for others, even if you've never met them. But I think you need to realize that this may be just one part of your life and development and it's time to really focus on yourself and what is in front of you. Basically you need to move on, specifically about your past relationship- sorry to be so straight- but sometimes, you need to be focused and selfish and in some parts of your life just really put your nose to the grindstone and work like a mofo.
We never get to understand or find what we want by trying to figure out by thinking about it. Rather it is by new experiences and seeing how far we push ourselves to see what limits we exceed, then things become clearer on what we really do like and don't like or really are willing to sacrifice for not. So if you're under 30, taking it easy isn't my advice, pick up as many hours as you can, and yes, working like a mofo once you're committed to something is the way to go- other people will say, work the least, get the most, I'd would say, work like a fucker, be that much better and this is ultimately a stepping stone. But making solid mark, and getting a solid recommendation or even the head manager or owners eventually taking notice and giving you more opportunities the best form of networking. But apply for the best hotels you can get into and if you're making enough, then take it as learning experiences, whether it the Four Seasons or W Hotels etc, there isn't anything holding you back other than hard work if you've paid your dues to get into that industry. But definitely increase your hours, get more financial space and you have more options.
In terms of too late to start, etc, I think it is never too take to start, what you make up for starting late is usually a desperate urge, intensity and focus that after a couple of years brings you up to speed anyway. But just apply overseas, it will be a great experience, and if you genuinely want to see your ex, see her on your terms, when you've settled on what you want to do, where you are headed and where you have the funds to just take a weekend off and see what happens, but first prioritize and get your shit completely together before you start thinking about plan that revolve around a girl that has nothing to do with your own career and your own development; I'm saying, be selfish to be upgraded/developed because its your life and you need to define your life first by your passion and whatever achievements you make in your own experiences and capabilities. Plus, when you're reaching, you'll always be more creative as well, like if you do get an overseas position that is great, you may be able to sub-lease or transfer your lease or even just take the penalty on it because your new job is that good.
But in any case, my serious advice to you is, it sounds like it is time to work like a mofo, keep you eye out for your passion and be selfish now for the long term goal of just being in a better position. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 14:45 saltywet wrote:
massage parlor/salons/red light districts try or no try?
Try every thing once or twice but in this case, I'd recommend you try (if you still want to) after you have your first love or real girlfriend(s) and really see women and experience what it means to have a relationship first.
Going to those kinds of places will distort your understanding of non-working women (i.e. regular women) as well as take away some very special experiences that I personally think, for me, were unforgettable- and could only be had there, not with a working lady. ^^
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What is a good dessert you would recommend a client who asks for your recommendation?
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It was fascinating to read your advice and story. Although our backgrounds are very different, we are similar age and I have gone through some of the same struggles you have.
I don't have anything to ask Atom other than to say thanks for having the courage to openly talk about your story and to give advice as best you know how.
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How do you maintain connections with former teachers, co-workers? Many times I might need a recommendation from some one, but I feel it has been so long that asking them is a one way transaction and I don't feel comfortable doing that.
Thanks MA.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 21:46 Danglars wrote:I saw your answer about happiness in your life. Fulfillment in family. A great upbringing. You wrap it up giving thanks to God. This forum being on the secular side of things, I don't want to broach some wide ranging religion question. Let me just ask, what was your journey through life like with regards to believing something supernatural out there? How has your views on God or religious matters changed as life has gone on? + Show Spoiler +I've been mostly single for some time now, but find my happiness volunteering and helping others in a nonprofit and religious context. I don't have fulfillment in family and job for that reason. It's only the rest that matters currently. I know how others have shared with me ... divine experiences touching them deeply, and since this is Ask-Me-Anything format, was wondering what that meant to you personally, no judgement
I don't have a memory of me not believing and knowing God, it comes from being raised in a pretty devoted Christian home as well as having very loving and strict parents. I've never doubted God, but I've challenged him a lot.
I think we all can have that child-like faith - but when you're a kid, it is just all intuitive, and when you get older by high school, something needs to replace that intuition of God, sometimes it's feeling, sometimes its reason, but both those don't quite add up to the same level of faith that a child like intuition has. So I feel as though for the early part of my life high school years as I learned more than what my sunday school education could provide or my pastors for that matter (aside from a lot of dogma, doctrine or just really some emo type crap) of course my faith wavered in terms of simply accepting that there was a God all the time.
But I think because my parents were also long time Christians, we weren't really strict on dogma, or really sensitive on being moral, my parents married quite late, they still remember the end of ww2 and the Korean war, so we weren't the kinda of 'don't swear, no violence' type of Christians, rather, we believed and we knew shit happened and God would give as way to sort things out. So needless to say, I've strayed far and wide from what a Christian boy is supposed to be like and simply lived life and let God be God and me be me. But I was active in trying to find that place where my faith was child like, but was grounded solid not in blind faith, but in real revelation in Christ.
Eventually I found that in my studies at seminary before I basically ran away to do my MBA instead. I had a chance to re-do my thesis twice and both times it was rejected, but I think it was meant to be. I'm not one for being a good church goer, even though I did use to preach and teach (certified by the national Presbyterian church lol).
I rarely share this with others, simply because this isn't the kind of thing you share unless someone is yearning for God and if I can assist with the process then sure, but I'd say, getting into an argument or discussion about God is quite pointless if it's not for this yearning to know God rather than to understand or hold a position for or against God.
I think two things I really hold to and one is that God is Love and that if God really is God, then he will answer.
The God is love part, obviously is a revelation, but just to try to give it some articulation, for me:you have, 1 Corinthians 13; the verse most recited at weddings, but everyone knows the first part, but very few people under the last bit. Really verses 9-12 is the real core of the passage.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
You know how the universe is made with the element of time, that there is a moment where there is no time. A moment of utter completeness. For me, when true love, the love of God comes, for that one moment, you act in that love, there is no time, there is only completeness in all of existence. When you are a rat bastard, but for that one moment you do something that is out of pure love and God comes, no matter what kind of fucker or angel you are, you can be no better at that moment. And for me this is the revelation we have in Christ, i.e. salvation = completeness =perfection = eternity (or the absence of time).
In terms of the other point, whenever I have doubted, I have challenged God and he has always shown himself to me. I think in challenging God, you recognize that if God is really God, he'll answer if you're seeking sincerely- and what does sincerely mean, well that would be relative, but for everyone that I've met and asked me to prove God, I simply say, that, 'If God is really God, he will be there when you seek him, if not then I guess there must not be God for you'. Usually the discussion ends there.
So I'm confident enough that I will ask God or avoid God or ask God to give me some space cause I want to just live like a shitty human.
As part of my education, I worked at an urban mission; it was tough, and I did learn a lot, I learned what faith was in 'seeing how God sees' rather than any other understanding of faith I came to understand. But God lets us to have that choice, not so much to believe or not believe, but rather follow or not follow. If we choose to follow, then we do get fulfillment out of different things -but by no means do Christians have a corner on this- but I would say, out of fulfillment produces fruit, and if you think the fruit you make is good, and then it is good, especially if it isn't just good fruit, but love fruit that makes pockets of completeness and eternity, then pretty sure you're on the right track. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 07 2014 22:18 tenacity wrote:
Uhm, I dont know whether I can still ask something but I will give it a shot anyway:
How do you keep track of things you learn, whether it by reading, listening or watching, etc.? How do you organize it? Im ttying to learn from many fields but I have a hard time forming a bigger picture where t all fits and can easily be accessed. What devices do you use? (Ive learned that a paper bases organizer is very useful for me and that Evernotr is one of the best programsto get to information when it is needed)
I think this really depends on how you process information, whether you are more of intuitive thinker or more of a sensory thinker. For me, whatever I learn, if it is relevant or insightful I will usually spend some time to simply think about it, and let it rest in my mind, give it some respect, and then I try to internalize it, that instead of remember that one point, but rather how that one point is applied or is applicable to everything else that I've learned and use.
I used to draw these massive idea map to try to capture this all, and try to set it into some type of frameworks and I would do this for days and days and I realized I was going a bit crazy because theory should be ground in applicability rather than simply in a cloud of understanding. I really believe this is how Blaise Pascal went nuts when he wrote pense (thoughts).
So my point it, if you want to keep track of whatever, try to make simple associations of what you've learned and it's application to start. And naturally, you'll find associations and parallels in your thinking if you have the idea set-up with how it's applied. If you simply try to remember all the insight as is without an application, then it's kinda of like having all these different kinds of cool bullets, but you yourself have only 1 gun to use, so it simply is too awkward, but if you mold each bullet into something that can be used by use (while keeping the essence of it there), then bang, you got lots of bullets for every situation.
But if you're more of a sensory person, I think the frame work still applies, but rather in order to visualize it more and have it more on hand, simply make that idea/theory map and apply what you've learned in a current or old situation to frame it as you own case studies.
But if the information in of itself is extremely practical in nature, I think you run the risk of being a 'horder' of information, in that you may collect all this practical information, but you may never use it, so I'd say, as a very very first step, even this practical information, take a moment see where it applicable in your work, mentally apply it, try to internalize it, make a note of it. If this comes up again, then at least you have a reference point to realize the point again, and if comes up again, the probably by that time you've internalized. It's kind of like fighting, you can learn 3 moves to instinctual perfection and end a fight in 3 hits or have to think about 100 moves you learned while you're getting your ass beat. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 08 2014 00:15 Pangpootata wrote:
1) How would you deal with a parent who tries to force you to subscribe to a certain religion? Let's say you do not disparage their beliefs at all and have already told them that you respect their beliefs, and they can believe what they want, but you choose not to. However, that parent will force you to take part in religious rituals and flip out at you if you don't want to.
2) How do you size-up or gauge new people you meet? I.e. how do you ascertain their personality traits and find out whether they are honest or trustworthy?
3) When you take up a new job, how do you start off on a good note? How do you let others know you are capable and reliant?
1. My older brother had this issue with my parents, he hated church and everything to do with it. I personally think, you just respect your parent's wishes while you're under their roof, do the bare minimum to appease them as long as you feel they have good intentions, but my parents really didn't ever listen to me until I was about 25 years old. That could be because I'm Korean, but, my parents had made my older brother teach sunday school and he taught them how to box instead and set up sparring fights between the kids, and well, that was the end of that. Not that I suggest you embarrass your parents like my older brother did, but I mean they love you, this is how they show their love, so while I agree you're totally reasonable, this usually is not a reasonable topic. I'd say, go through the motions, when you're out of the house with your job and eventually you're wife, they will start to give you respect on your own, but really this isn't a short term issue, you're gonna have to be prepared to deal with it for most of your life unfortunately. Just don't lose sight of their love and you give them as much respect as you can, even when they are making you bonkers and if its really bad, just take some time away from them. Even if you are son, there are limits to every man's sanity. ^^
2. I'd say, really, most people, including myself are really fucking bad judge of characters. Be honest with your track record and then if most people are, they are bad. So to protect myself, I force myself not to simply trust people 100% or take them at face value. I'm not saying think everyone is bad or untrustworthy, but don't give it up so easily, keep some space and really this take time and multiple meetings before you can really start to get an idea of the person.
While in high school it may not be the best thing to do; but when you're over 25, finding out references from others is pretty solid way to figure out someone. But I think a few key things I've learned by experience alone.
i. if they gossip or like to talk about others or bag on others, the are absolutely not trustworthy, I don't care if they say, they normally don't talk like this or whatever, guy gossips, he ain't trust worthy at all.
ii. if they are very easy with their words to say a strong commitment like, 'I swear, or we're best bros now, or you can trust me 100%, or something to the end of saying something that normally would take months to say in terms of a commitment. Its like if some girl when you're over 25 says, I love you on the first date, then you're gonna get the fuck out there because she definately psycho, when you're young, you're young, but when you're over 25, people just don't do that, they learn to measure their word a bit more.
iii. the ones that are dishonest or not trustworthy know that they are, so they are very good a hiding it. So if things are too smooth, they probably are playing you, the times you meet someone and its a bit awkward sometimes, they are probably less likely to screw you because their social skills suck and you could see it a mile away.
iv. if they contradict themselves one time, just one time and cover it up like it was nothing, or are skillful in changing a subject, then they probably are really good fuckers. You just need to watch out for it
v. And any time some says, you can trust me, you can't. That is a fact, why, because if a situation comes up that some needs to say that, it means the situation is very pressed, or that if you had a long term relationship with that person, it wouldn't need to be said, you'd just both know what you're saying is in trust between the two of you, as soon as someone says, you can trust me, then be careful and wait.
vi. lastly. anyone who plays politics, meaning that they use social or situations to create trouble to move up, then you can't trust them, if they play politics at work and don't rely on simply getting their results down, anything you say will be used against you eventually.
3. This one is easy.
i)Never be late, but dont' be a too much of a brown nose, be at least 15 mins early at the minimum or be one of the earliest to your work.
ii) Work late only to finish something off, working late all the time to impress is not sustainable and makes you look to brown nosy. (but in Korea, this is not much of a choice) but otherwise..
iii) Finish you work, check it over 3 times, make sure whatever you do has no mistake.
iv) Always whenever you finish you own tasks, clean up and organize your desk so it looks good, then either look for new work to do or do you're on research or go back and follow up on some older task that could be made better.
v) Never ever complain about anything, just say, yes, and get it done. If you never complain, but always smile and be graceful under pressure, you'll shine like a mothefuker. ^^
vi) and always be authentic, meaning, don't try too hard on the image stuff, just do your work and the i-v and you'll be good. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 08 2014 11:39 Jermman wrote:
You sound dead inside, and the least "manly" thing you could be doing is offering your "expert manly man advice for men" on the internet. Don't be so full of yourself.
good luck in life,
pussy. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 10 2014 07:35 Dubzex wrote:
What is a good dessert you would recommend a client who asks for your recommendation?
If I've been to that restaurant, I'll recommend what I've had that was good,
if not, I'd ask the waiter, but otherwise he'll probably eat whatever if we've made to desert and he is asking me for a recommendation. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 10 2014 14:07 ElMeanYo wrote:
It was fascinating to read your advice and story. Although our backgrounds are very different, we are similar age and I have gone through some of the same struggles you have.
I don't have anything to ask Atom other than to say thanks for having the courage to openly talk about your story and to give advice as best you know how.
^^ Thanks, a tour of duty.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 11 2014 00:48 husniack wrote:
How do you maintain connections with former teachers, co-workers? Many times I might need a recommendation from some one, but I feel it has been so long that asking them is a one way transaction and I don't feel comfortable doing that.
Thanks MA.
It's ok to ask this kind of favor once in a blue moon. As long as you parted ways well, then most people would be flattered by it (although it is a pain to write sometimes) and it gives a chance to reconnect, so don't over think it, you need a recommendation, just ask. But if you want to really prep this, then you should absolutely, send them an email, even if it has been a while, but better to do this right after you've left saying how much they have impacted you in what and what way. And that even if you don't maintain a regular connection, you're thankful for their support. You can do this moving forward, doing this then asking for a recommendation seems disingenuous. But if you need to ask, just ask, forget about comfortably, this is one of those karma things; they do it for you and one day, some snot nose intern will ask you the same favor out of the blue and you'll do it because someone did it for you too ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Ok guys,
as you can see the responses took much longer, because I'm back in the thick of things.
I have a major showdown with my nemesis in 4 days, so this will make or break me for this project;
so wish me luck, if you have something to ask, I'll leave this open, but I can't promise you when I'll get to answering it, it could be a week or even a months time, but I'll check up on it.
I think the thread turned into an ask Abby thread, but wtf, at least it wasn't dry. keke
Thanks to the 2 TL gift givers, it was uber unexpected ^^ thanks,
and thanks for both the questions and replies,
felt good to contribute, it's always my hope that one day I can finance a massive tl meet up and meet you guys at a TLcon event or something like that ^^
Cheers,
MA
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On February 04 2014 15:18 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 13:08 KurtistheTurtle wrote:
What is faith? I don't mean in a religious sense, but not excluding the religious aspect either. In life. What does it qualitatively feel like, and what's the process for cultivating it? When I was doing my Masters in Divinity (theology basically), I came up with a working definition that as worked for me and that takes away the fluffy airy bullshit - for me anyway-. Faith is seeing how God sees the world. And your development of faith is that constant development towards being closer to seeing in that way. Of course as Christian, the true sight of faith comes from being in Christ to God, but regardless of true sight or not, I think for the moments we do have faith, we see how things should be rather than how the world has made them to be. I'd only say if you take my working definition of faith, then it is all matter of testing whether or not the views are aligned by acting at times contrary to what is the social norm in judging others, but before that, to really pray on a daily and regular basic and take it from there. Faith is not a rational or feeling behavior, it is to see the world as God sees it, then it's all about pray first - I personally would say - and then acts of compassion and protection for those who are judged marginalized and punished in our society. That eventually, you see the world by a different set of standards which lead not to further judgement, but reconciliation and of course love.
I'm going to try and condense this, let me know if I'm on or off:
So a persons faith isnt just their beliefs, but its reality to them.
And to have faith is to define that reality and act in alignment with it regardless of external forces
and the ultimate outcome is to arrive at an embrace with others, no sundering or tearing -- unless it is just
*head explodes*
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 11 2014 04:06 KurtistheTurtle wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 15:18 MightyAtom wrote:On February 04 2014 13:08 KurtistheTurtle wrote:
What is faith? I don't mean in a religious sense, but not excluding the religious aspect either. In life. What does it qualitatively feel like, and what's the process for cultivating it? When I was doing my Masters in Divinity (theology basically), I came up with a working definition that as worked for me and that takes away the fluffy airy bullshit - for me anyway-. Faith is seeing how God sees the world. And your development of faith is that constant development towards being closer to seeing in that way. Of course as Christian, the true sight of faith comes from being in Christ to God, but regardless of true sight or not, I think for the moments we do have faith, we see how things should be rather than how the world has made them to be. I'd only say if you take my working definition of faith, then it is all matter of testing whether or not the views are aligned by acting at times contrary to what is the social norm in judging others, but before that, to really pray on a daily and regular basic and take it from there. Faith is not a rational or feeling behavior, it is to see the world as God sees it, then it's all about pray first - I personally would say - and then acts of compassion and protection for those who are judged marginalized and punished in our society. That eventually, you see the world by a different set of standards which lead not to further judgement, but reconciliation and of course love. I'm going to try and condense this, let me know if I'm on or off: So a persons faith isnt just their beliefs, but its reality to them. And to have faith is to define that reality and act in alignment with it regardless of external forces and the ultimate outcome is to arrive at an embrace with others, no sundering or tearing -- unless it is just *head explodes*
Almost ^^ but there is a fine line in your definition from self-delusion and actual faith, i.e. the shared perception in Christ. For instance; when most people read the parables within the New Testament, if they read it from a moral perspective then depending upon your morality, these parables either become moral stories, or even offensive, but everyone who reads them with a moral perspective will have a different idea of what is the point of the parable.
But if you read the parables in faith, then you see where the absence of love destroys, or the completeness of love fulfills. It is not necessarily from faith to understanding, it is a simultaneous two way street, in that, you hear that the bible is divinely inspired, but the words and language and translations are all variations and revisions over centuries, and yet the message is supposed to remain in tact. But from a historical or moral reading/perception of the parables, this message is 100% not intact, it absolutely changes in meaning from the period in which it is read and the standard accepted morality of that time period. But the message never changes, even as the words and language do, if it is read from the faith perspective of love.
Again going back to the understanding that love is completeness and for that one moment in time, where there is true love, there is true completeness, when you have that perception when reading, the position is fundamentally the same for everyone. For instance, back in the 1920's smoking was considered fine, and back in the 1600's slavery was considered fine, but in the year 2014, neither are considered good. But back in the 1920's and the 1600's and 50 BC, the love the mother shares with her child or the love between new lovers, while the expressions may be different, the love itself is the same.
**I'll expand on it some more some other time, but, I just wanted to point out, when it comes to matters of faith, if you divorce it from the source and turn it into something you want to just define as an understanding, you will lose the thing that does make it faith unique and not simply ignorance blind faith or self delusion, but that faith leads to actions that foster love.
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you know when you're writing something, and you're doing good, but then everything just grinds to a halt and your mind is murky...you don't know where to go next? that's right here
On February 12 2014 05:37 MightyAtom wrote:
But if you read the parables in faith, then you see where the absence of love destroys, or the completeness of love fulfills.
theres a passage, that a mans face wrinkled by lust is ugly. a man's face, wrinkled by love and lust, is a wonderful sight to behold. it is totally different when touched by love. "lust" can be replaced by anything
what you wrote is likely much deeper than this, but this is the part I latched onto and can't get past it
how can i start deliberately acting through love in one way tomorrow?
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So you have no problem with how conservative Korean culture is socially? Clearly you feel that it's a good thing to carry on such strict gender roles. Do you think boys should be boys and girls should be girls? Why exactly can't your "advice" be applicable to women?
What if your one of your sons don't want to be confined to such masculine role and would feel more liberated from gender roles and values that dictate how an entire gender should act? Would you just force more of your alpha manliness onto him until he sucumbs to Korean societal customs? Even if you don't give a shit about the other side of this coin, of all the discrimination and injustice women face, what about the gender problems for men you're supporting? This "alpha" culture obsessed with status and competition. Korea has some of the highest suicide rates in the developed world, and two thirds of them are men.This macho bullshit culture that say men have to act a certain way, where crying and seeking help is seen as "weak" and "womanly", ...ever seen the movie Peppermint Candy?
I think women can be good if they have a good father figure.
You don't find anything wrong with that? let's ignore the count of times you've called people pussies and cunts in this thread and your last. According to you, women's values derive from their father and their husbands. Right? It doesn't matter what agency or independence they assert as human beings. All women even the ones with PhDs that are far more intelligent than the likes of you, are simply seeking alpha males to complete them. No wonder people outside of the heteronormative are completely invisible or discriminated against in society.
To me you represent just yet another face in Korea's deep rooted sexism. Yeah let me guess. You like your woman to be submissive and passive. You have no problem with the fact Korean women are some of the most educated in the world yet their careers go nowhere and they get paid considerably less. After all, men are "men" (something you keep repeating yet unable to explain).
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On February 12 2014 14:26 KurtistheTurtle wrote:you know when you're writing something, and you're doing good, but then everything just grinds to a halt and your mind is murky...you don't know where to go next? that's right here Show nested quote +On February 12 2014 05:37 MightyAtom wrote:
But if you read the parables in faith, then you see where the absence of love destroys, or the completeness of love fulfills.
I don't get it. I really don't. in my brain, I know I'm supposed to act through love. I feel this to be true. mix it in as many actions as I can. theres a passage, that a mans face wrinkled by lust is destructive. a man's face, wrinkled by love and lust, is a wonderful sight to behold. it is totally different when touched by love what you wrote is likely much deeper than this, but this is the part I latched onto and can't get past it how do I leap? where does awareness need to be? how can i start deliberately acting through love?
Perhaps you'll wait for MA's post, but here's my 2 cents:
That is just it. We, as humans, cannot make conscious decisions to act with love. If we could, everything we did would be totally selflessly done. Clearly, that is impossible for us. Often we realize that we help others while still harboring thoughts of perhaps getting back a favor later or so. We helped the person, we didn't say anything, yet we expect a favor back. That is not acting through love.
There are moments when we can grasp love that is not through our will, and those examples have been given: Mother looking at her newborn child etc. Realizing that being faulty as we are and that we cannot act with love with our own will is a big step forward. So as I see it, here is where faith comes in. It's faith in the love of christ, that we are forgiven regardless of what we are. And that whatever we do, we should try to seek acting through love, and leave what is absent of love. That is really what christianity is about, try not to let love amongst others diminish. But it is explained in about a hundred ways because as humans we have trouble grasping it.
Kind of like what bible says about wisdom: We may act with wisdom, but if we ever think we have it, we lose it. We can only grasp a small part of it at any given point.
EDIT:
Actually I probably shouldn't have jumped into this. This thread probably isn't supposed to become a general advice thread. Sorry.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 12 2014 15:48 pink_moon wrote:So you have no problem with how conservative Korean culture is socially? Clearly you feel that it's a good thing to carry on such strict gender roles. Do you think boys should be boys and girls should be girls? Why exactly can't your "advice" be applicable to women? What if your one of your sons don't want to be confined to such masculine role and would feel more liberated from gender roles and values that dictate how an entire gender should act? Would you just force more of your alpha manliness onto him until he sucumbs to Korean societal customs? Even if you don't give a shit about the other side of this coin, of all the discrimination and injustice women face, what about the gender problems for men you're supporting? This "alpha" culture obsessed with status and competition. Korea has some of the highest suicide rates in the developed world, and two thirds of them are men.This macho bullshit culture that say men have to act a certain way, where crying and seeking help is seen as "weak" and "womanly", ...ever seen the movie Peppermint Candy? You don't find anything wrong with that? let's ignore the count of times you've called people pussies and cunts in this thread and your last. According to you, women's values derive from their father and their husbands. Right? It doesn't matter what agency or independence they assert as human beings. All women even the ones with PhDs that are far more intelligent than the likes of you, are simply seeking alpha males to complete them. No wonder people outside of the heteronormative are completely invisible or discriminated against in society. To me you represent just yet another face in Korea's deep rooted sexism. Yeah let me guess. You like your woman to be submissive and passive. You have no problem with the fact Korean women are some of the most educated in the world yet their careers go nowhere and they get paid considerably less. After all, men are "men" (something you keep repeating yet unable to explain).
Let me respond to you as if I was your father, as distasteful as that maybe. You are not going to change me, you don't expect to. You want to expose me and you want me to know something that you feel is wrong. I can't think of way to respond that will not further upset you, but I'll be as sincere as I can.
"So you have no problem with how conservative Korean culture is socially?"
Korean society is not so conservative as it once was, it has changed dramatically, but it depends where you are raised, if you are raised in Seoul, it probably is the less conservative (this being relative to our society), but surprisingly many immigrant families to America are extremely conservative as they seek to maintain what they know to be their culture and this protectionism creates a separation from the American culture.
But, I am conservative and I am Korean, but I do not think the issues with our society come from us being conservative, but close minded at times, overly competitive and not willing to accept differences. I understand what you're point is, you equate being conservative with being oppressive to women, but rather because I am conservative I feel a man must do things a man must do and I have no judgement or ideas on what a woman should be, but for the standards that I do set, it is for that role a man should play and that is to have the capability to protect and provide - if it is not needed by all, but that a man can, he should.
"Clearly you feel that it's a good thing to carry on such strict gender roles."
Only for those men who choose to take on such a role, and for Korea it is the right role. For other countries, likely not. But the role is not to abuse or oppress, but so that those we take responsibility for can have safety and options. I only speak for the role of men, while you may think because I have such clear thoughts on the role of men, my view is equally applied for women as weak or passive or stupid or obedient , but you assume too much. My view only applies that the man be a man, and the rest will be as it is - accepted by all or not, politically correct or not, it doesn't matter.
I don't have an expectation of a role for my daughter, only that I can provide her an environment where she is free to chose whatever role that she will have and to do whatever she does with integrity and grit. I may or may not understand her choices or agree with them, but if she is happy, then I would be happy. My application of gender roles is not fair, but it is not fair to the boys. I think that women will have their own responsibilities to step-up, but it is not my place to define them for them. You may say I'm bullshitting when I say this later part, or you may say, 'why not have the same expectations for women and men,' but this is the way I was brought up by my own mother and I don't judge it as bad or good, but simply the choice I have also made to live this way.
"Do you think boys should be boys and girls should be girls?"
I think boys are boys and girls and girls. If you think differently I don't think less of it, if you think I am an oppression because I think this way, I think my life is far less complex and far more fulfilled in my relationship with my wife, my mother, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-laws. I give them all my all, my time, my thoughts, my effort and I provide, and they in turn can insult me, look down on me, adore me, be frustrated with me, but they know I will provide, I will protect and I will take responsibility for everything in the family.
Why exactly can't your "advice" be applicable to women?"
I don't know if it can or cannot be, I am writing now , answering to, speaking to boys or men; you're looking for a fight here, and there isn't one. Women are humans, they can chose, but would I give the same advice to Korean woman, of course not, but I wouldn't even try to give such advice in general. It's not that it couldn't be applicable, but I'm not writing for that intention.
"What if your one of your sons don't want to be confined to such masculine role and would feel more liberated from gender roles and values that dictate how an entire gender should act? Would you just force more of your alpha manliness onto him until he sucumbs to Korean societal customs?"
You say confined and masculine, liberated and values and dictated, all negative terms in this context, but you see nothing positive because you assume the point is oppression rather than responsibility and duty. I do not force, even here, I say, 'ask and I will answer, I will be your hyung' someone who will give it to you with clarity and at least care enough to present a choice rather than no choices or options. Will I support my son, yes, will I hope he upholds what is good about our culture, yes be a man and take on responsibility. If the north attacks, protect where you can, if you're friends are outnumbered, stand with them, if the boat goes down, the women and children first. Is this so wrong? Maybe the trade-off and the entitlement and abuse of this role is wrong, but when I say to take up responsibility, be more capable to protect and provide. I am not blind to the abuse, I am sorry to the women who are oppressed and abused by the twisting of our culture, but that does not mean I or my sons, or those who ask, can not be the better of the men.
"Even if you don't give a shit about the other side of this coin, of all the discrimination and injustice women face, what about the gender problems for men you're supporting? This "alpha" culture obsessed with status and competition. Korea has some of the highest suicide rates in the developed world, and two thirds of them are men.This macho bullshit culture that say men have to act a certain way, where crying and seeking help is seen as "weak" and "womanly", ...ever seen the movie Peppermint Candy?"
You see the image of being macho when it comes to men. The gender problems come not from gender in our country, they come the obsession with status, competition and a lack of social responsibility. Two thirds of the suicide are men, but why isn't it 100% just men, do you think one third of suicide by women is a small proportion? Men are more the primary breadwinners we know this a cultural fact, alpha or not, we are a patriarchal society, but yet the societal woes are not coming from men under stress to be men, or society is far more equal than it was 20 years ago, but yet the suicides are even more so there, should we say that then equality has lead to one third of women committing suicide now? Or can we say, our culture as a whole has an issue from extreme rapid urbanization, a loss of our traditional framework, trading it in for mass materialism and the obsession not to be last by being first and to maintain an image to just to be able to pretend to live as normal without problems?
I have lived a hard life, I chose to live such a life, I worked and studied and fought my entire life and when I had something, I put it aside and looked a myself to be better than what society thought was enough. But I'm lucky, I didn't have to pay off a registered loan shark operation with another registered loan shark operation to the point where I had to sell my body to pay off a debt my father could not pay. I will never have to take the abuse of a husband to keep a family together nor raise my children alone because my husband ran away with another woman. But I have worked days and nights and not see my family and when there were no options, I endured and made options and I would die in place of my wife a million times to see her stay with our children and live a good life and I will do everything with all my intellect, tenacity and will to be there by my wife's side to support her and our family for as long as it can be. I will not regret otherwise.
I've cried, I cry, don't separate what I say from being a human, I need my wife, I need my mother, they are want has made me strong so I can do whatever needs to be done. I have learned from my father the will, the fortitude to do what needs to be done, but I am not a machine, no man is, all this alpha traits is because we need it or else we would fail.
You want to group what I've written as the same oppression that you see or you feel, but I'm the one that would be the one to stop those who try to be a man, to have an image, and just bluster to abuse and oppress. I do not beat my chest like a gorilla, I am silent, I teach, I listen, I take my time to speak with all the authenticity and sincerity I can. I'm not saying, act a certain way, I am saying, do what you need to be responsible to protect and provide- to be more capable, whether that it is your ambition or your emotional care with your child so they can grow to be open minded, but also noble minded.
I did not see the movie 'Peppermint Candy', but I will say, every person faces hardships, the same historical ones, should we all blame society and accept that? Should we sleep around and have affairs or concentrate our energies to do more for our families.Would I say the main figure in Peppermint Candy has my sympathies based on the wiki article, no. He breaks, and every man who lives, will break, but it those who move forward and keeps going forward no matter how slow or how painful, how much loss- this is what I am saying is a man as a Korean would say. That doesn't divorce us from our emotions or to breakdown or a sense of humour. I'm not talking about the image, or the pussies that give up or abuse to pretend to have power, I'm taking about the man who will continue to walk forward for others.
"I think women can be good if they have a good father figure.
You don't find anything wrong with that? let's ignore the count of times you've called people pussies and cunts in this thread and your last. According to you, women's values derive from their father and their husbands. Right?
Why not give me be the benefit of the doubt here? I do not call people pussies as a female adjective nor cunts. I could say,sissies, and it means the same thing, but not the same level of intensity. And I use the word cunts as it is used between men, again for intensity. As my point is to drive home the point, and why do I use such language, because it is the language I use to make these points as clear as possible and that includes the strength of the conviction I have for what I say. And again you, looking for a fight when there is no fight. From the position of the man's relation to the woman, and the responsibility of a man is that if he should have a daughter, he should be a good father figure; that it will make a significant difference to your daughter's life to be good and for her to do good. If you disagree with that, then I'm sorry, you are wrong. If you think I'm only saying that a good woman is one with a good father figure, then you misread my intentions and take it farther simply to start a fight that isn't there.
"It doesn't matter what agency or independence they assert as human beings. All women even the ones with PhDs that are far more intelligent than the likes of you, are simply seeking alpha males to complete them. No wonder people outside of the heteronormative are completely invisible or discriminated against in society."
In terms of women and men, I think everyone, hetero sexual, homo sexual, player, nerd, PhDs, the school of hard knocks, what a relationship that will being together two people who accept one another for all the their faults and good things and will love them and grow with them. You want to take about human beings, lets talk about human beings, but if you to throw my words against me from a different context here, then you're not giving me a chance to say my real thoughts as well as not asking me anything except to vent how upset you are and taking it out on me.
Which is fine, but I'll say, life isn't fair, it is never fair, men or women or humanity. I can talk about all the racism and fights I've been in since I was 4 years old and the racism of even teachers throughout the year being the only Korean in school, and I can talk about how much I had to over come in my UK company to crush the ceiling above me, and we can talk about how women do not make as much as men and work just as hard sometimes and then we can talk about how both you and I are not in the middle of civil war right now where our parents got hacked to death in front of us and our siblings are now limbless. You say the likes of me, when I'm here, answering honestly and openly and doing my best to contribute with the time I have because I am a failure here on TL.
I am failure because I started TLKnowhow and I couldn't make it work because I mis-gauged the time I thought I would have, then went into a massive 2 year project and I couldn't do both and I had to choose and so I failed in my contribution to TL and I failed in my word, but even as I am a failure, or have fail or cannot contribute or make up for not succeeding, I will not give up to the intention of my word, no matter how tired and sick I am at the moment. I will make up for what I have done wrong and where I did not follow through and I will keep at it. Even if people would consider this not a real contribution or a real community or relative to the events of my life, my family, my work, that my time on TL is wasted and my commitment irrelevant, I would say, I do not choose to do this, I am this, my word and my need to do what I say.
You are saying the obvious about discrimination, and it is probably the worst in Korea when it comes to sub groups, and even when life is unfair, I don't accept the status quo of the discrimination, but to simply blame and say, this is why, is a bit naive as well.
To me you represent just yet another face in Korea's deep rooted sexism.
To me you represent someone who is is rude to not give the benefit of the doubt to someone who you simply group based on your own feelings. I'm not denying the inequality, but as I've mention, when it comes to Korea it is about roles Do you fight to join the army with all your friends so that we can be equal to defend the country? And will you blame me if I stand in front of you and say that I would like to fight on your behalf and I would rather my wife and nieces do not have to go for 26 months to the army and risk death on the front line. You do not think, even though my boys are not even 6 yet, that I worry about their army service in 13 years, but I accept that they should do what they need to do; and if they have the option to go to the army or not have to go, then I will accept it as long as they are being the best they can be for our people and country. Will you insult me now because I do love our country and would fight to defend it?
We are Korean, we are a unique and fucked up society in many respects, our is a culture and people where even before the advent plastic surgery our natural occurrence of high cheek bones is 80% of the population, so being ugly is a major minority. We are a people who expect that one must be the best in intellect and physical ability and looks and charm. Is this good? Do you think that in Korea, women do not also play the gender role, there is no dutch pay, every family that has both parents working, how much the husband would love to make enough so that his wife could stay at home to raise their children when our society is so fucking competitive.
All the Kyopos come to Korea and have such criticism of our country and yet they can never know how competitive our people really are that there is no objective way to rank our students for admissions without testing because everything else is not objective enough: by interviews or essays- lol, we would still ace the interviews with prep course or pre memorize an entire 10 page essay if it matter enough. You think now we hold Samsung smart phone in our hands and think, wow, this is a great phone, maybe not better than iphone, but to say that a Samsung phone is better than a Sony phone, this is something which I still cannot believe happened.
We are a passionate and obsessive and simple people, but we have so few leaders who can stand not to be torn down, we are all to pressured to not be followers before we get swept or away or must give up because the father feels that mass suicide is better by his hand than to let his wife and children live without any financial means- that not even their relatives can help and no options but depression. We cannot change these things right now, you can pass judgement on our people easily and on me, but we will survive,we will be durable until the day we figure it out and there will be men who will not break and not follow and not change to meet some international definition of good culture, but for us to be good people of our country. We are a hard race and if I chose to share what makes us hard and good, here, let me be the face of that, no matter how you judge me.
Yeah let me guess. You like your woman to be submissive and passive. You have no problem with the fact Korean women are some of the most educated in the world yet their careers go nowhere and they get paid considerably less. After all, men are "men" (something you keep repeating yet unable to explain).
All these western sterotypes about us, do you want to add in wife beater, small penis, pervert. Do you want to not see that our culture is a drinking culture and that is tied to business and most deals are finalized in drinking houses? Do you want to write to Samsung or LG or Hyundai or SK or Lotte and all their subsidiaries to stop such business practices? Do you want us to all be like the Americans or the Canadians or the British who must be so much more civilized than us with their culture, equality, open mindedness, and also there history of slavery, colonization and systematic oppression of their native populations?
Korean women have never had this much freedom or equality in all of the history of Korea an if they want to play the gender role they can have a successful career and not pay for anything including still using their father's credit card while living alone. Korea relatively as become more equal, but that doesn't take away from our competition and do women on average work as hard as Korean men do in Korea. No. I've worked in Korea, for the gov't, for the private sector and as a freelancer in the fashion brand industry. If you say otherwise, you know nothing about how hard Korea really is for both men and women. How when a company needs to fire, they will fire the single young career women first because they have no dependents. Is this wrong, individual merit over a family?
Of course there are exceptions on how hard some women can work, but are you also going to say that Korean women don't also play the gender role as well? That even if Korean men get extra work credit for the army on their seniority that that makes up for the time in the army when a woman does not need to and that professional women are actually more qualified at a younger age than professional Korean men, but it is up to the man to proof to the wife's family he can provide for her?
But do I care that this is the situation, no, I do not, I accepted it, and I worked like a motherfucker so I could marry my wife and that we could have a proper wedding and that my inlaws would know that their new son-in-law could provide. That is my pride, my worth. You use a western metric for all of this, but women are paid less, they do in most cases work less, the men naturally take on more and we want to and they let us, and most really educated women in Korea would like to find a good man who is capable and spend time to have the opportunity to raise the children at home. Because work is that fucking hard and mindless sometimes in Korea.
I will say it, and all Korean men will agree with me, Korean women are our goddesses, we don't deserve them, they are better than us, they are stronger than us, but we will protect them because we cherish them, we adore them, and we will not fail them, they are our hearts, and we are their shields. No one Korean man would disagree with me on this. Whatever the mother of children ask, we will provide it, and we will be shamed when we cannot.
You could not be more wrong with your guess, all of my girlfriends were confident, strong, smart, educated and taught me many things and each one of them challenged me because maybe I was always going to be the downtown boy going for the uptown girl. And each one of them, better than me, but was with me, because I had the ambition, the drive, and the fury, to always take up whatever they had and be better.
I say, men are men, not to explain anything, but to state it. We do what we were born to do and so for everyone that has asked me as a hyung, what should I do, I say, men are men, it is you, you can do what you are, so just get it done, no matter how long or how delayed, how much damage or failure, how late, how difficult- if there is your woman waiting for you, if there is the people there that you need to protect, if there is that responsibility you have chosen to taken on, then just do you were born to be.
****
I am sorry that this thread was hurtful to you, I am sorry that these words are really only written for the boys here, and that I am not able to provide a contribution that would be useful to you. I am not civilized, I am conservative and maybe a beast, but I know I am beast in love with my people and I am not ashamed of anything I've written or my position. You have every right to be upset, to judge me in this way, to feel injustice against our society, but this is not the reason for every ill in our society and sometimes it is where our strength in our people is as well.
We talk and write and English here. So I assume about your background. I assume you are a woman. I assume you are American educated. You throw facts at me like it is not obvious without, you take my words out of the audience and context it was written in, you insult me, you don't know what I mean by pussy and cunt when I am saying it between boys (and in a south hemisphere way-you should ask an Aussie about it). You are interested in my words and phrases more so that intention behind them.
So can I say, that this entire post to you was pointless, you will have read it, been cynical, waiting to see where to rebuttal and miss the entire point of why I wrote it. I wrote it as respect you that I would hope that one day you see how all the bad things you have pointed out, were not meant to be bad in our culture, that it was about responsibility just like a father would have to his daughter in a new land; to work to endure so that their daughter's life could be more free, even as it may be difficult for the father to accept.
So many things we can say are bad and good but by what cultural metric? The same thing from a Korea metric and Western metric can be totally different and to say there is a universal metric, I am sure for somethings, but not for all things.
The ability to see from both sides, I think is a human cultural skill. I remember so many Kyopos saying to me, I pick the best of the western and Korean worlds, and I said to them, how you do you define best? You don't even really know Korea, you simply judge it from what you see from a western judgement value system. I am Korean, I do not chose the good and the bad characteristics, I simply am. That does not stop me from trying to be better though. Besides the judgement you have for me and the fact you may think I'm still delusional by your understanding, I hope that you can pick up what I am saying here, at the end, of you picking up that human cultural skill that I refer too.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 12 2014 16:35 Ahzz wrote:Show nested quote +On February 12 2014 14:26 KurtistheTurtle wrote:you know when you're writing something, and you're doing good, but then everything just grinds to a halt and your mind is murky...you don't know where to go next? that's right here On February 12 2014 05:37 MightyAtom wrote:
But if you read the parables in faith, then you see where the absence of love destroys, or the completeness of love fulfills.
I don't get it. I really don't. in my brain, I know I'm supposed to act through love. I feel this to be true. mix it in as many actions as I can. theres a passage, that a mans face wrinkled by lust is destructive. a man's face, wrinkled by love and lust, is a wonderful sight to behold. it is totally different when touched by love what you wrote is likely much deeper than this, but this is the part I latched onto and can't get past it how do I leap? where does awareness need to be? how can i start deliberately acting through love? Perhaps you'll wait for MA's post, but here's my 2 cents: That is just it. We, as humans, cannot make conscious decisions to act with love. If we could, everything we did would be totally selflessly done. Clearly, that is impossible for us. Often we realize that we help others while still harboring thoughts of perhaps getting back a favor later or so. We helped the person, we didn't say anything, yet we expect a favor back. That is not acting through love. There are moments when we can grasp love that is not through our will, and those examples have been given: Mother looking at her newborn child etc. Realizing that being faulty as we are and that we cannot act with love with our own will is a big step forward. So as I see it, here is where faith comes in. It's faith in the love of christ, that we are forgiven regardless of what we are. And that whatever we do, we should try to seek acting through love, and leave what is absent of love. That is really what christianity is about, try not to let love amongst others diminish. But it is explained in about a hundred ways because as humans we have trouble grasping it. Kind of like what bible says about wisdom: We may act with wisdom, but if we ever think we have it, we lose it. We can only grasp a small part of it at any given point. EDIT: Actually I probably shouldn't have jumped into this. This thread probably isn't supposed to become a general advice thread. Sorry.
pretty fucking good ^^
The only thing I would add is, for Christians, the Resurrection of Christ is where it is revealed that God is love- but all people yearn for love and so the message is universal in that respect, but as mentioned above, until you are in Christ (the state of sharing the act of the Resurrection) the effort or the will to have faith and to see the world in the completeness of love...mmm..very very difficult expect for those fleeting moments.
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I come from a long line of missing father figures. I knew my mother's father for quite some years, but he expressed mostly gentleness and it was rare for me to see him acting as a father figure to me when I spent time with him. Of course he probably thought that was my own father's place, but there's where it gets rough. (I also have a relatively close maternal uncle, who I believe also thinks it is my father's place to teach me. (By being there? I have no idea if that matters.))
My father's father's father died when his son was very young. The son, my father's father, then grew up, under whose guidance I can't be certain as I have not spent much time talking to him. What I do know about my father's father is that he spent a lot of time away from his young children chasing personal dreams or personal interests, not in the name of family economics, but in the name of what he perceived to be a greater good.
My father, growing up as I will, probably has only a small idea of the typical father-son relationship. He left when I was roughly 15, and lives far away.
My question is, what do you suggest I do? I want to be able to have children and hopefully be a good father figure, but I'm not sure it's in my genetics. I don't know of a time when my father's line had a father-son relationship.
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I see from your side clearly. I'm Korean too, and unlike you I'm not pulling societal observations out of sweeping generalizations from anecdotes, I've studied Korean psychology, sociology, and gender studies extensively. (Just google any of the dozens of studies on the topics). I know what I'm talking about, I'm not challenging you on how Korean business work.
Your only point in difference between men and women are that men serve in combat, but what's wrong with women in combat roles exactly? Israel does it fine. Yet you hold the same values that women are these weak, creatures that the men must defend. Ideally, mandatory conscription should and will be done away with. If your only justification of sexism is military, your argument becomes less and less relevant in an era of push button war. Physical strength means less everyday.
Yet what of every other facets of society where military isn't relevant. How do you explain the massive difference in how men and women are treated? How would you justify the completely different way boys and girls are treated as children, where boys are pushed into careers and becoming great. While girls are pushed into being dolls and wives for the great men? All this because boys are physically a little stronger than girls. Do you really believe the complete dominance of men in arts and sciences (or all fields) throughout history is just "biologically nature?" That societal roles don't play a role in oppressing women and depriving the country of what could have been brilliant female lawyers, scientists, writers, professors? If you still deny that sexism exists or sexism doesn't hurt millions of girls, I'm curious to know if you ever found sexism to be a problem. How about 50 years ago? 100? At what point exactly in history did you get complacent with the right amount of sexism in society?
but are you also going to say that Korean women don't also play the gender role as well?
No of course not. That's called internalized misogyny. Where they accept sexism and don't find anything wrong whenever they see men being breadwinners, center pieces, protagonists while they serve as support, the side piece. Where women feel that their life's goal is to be a good mother and a wife, instead of their own individual human beings with ambitions and dreams. Take a break from gaming and read some works of literature like the Doll's House by Hedda Gabler or some Virginia Woolf
Why not give me be the benefit of the doubt here? I do not call people pussies as a female adjective nor cunt
Yeah except it's not up to you what the words mean. This is not how language works. Terms like pussy and cunts, female gendered slurs have been historically used to dehumanize and oppress women. Ever wonder why cunt is a lot worse than dick? It's because men have never been reduced to their genital in history, ever. Women have been through massive rapes, forced prostitution, and sexual slavery (you're Korean you should know this) where they been yelled at by those words to denote that they're valued only for their genitals. When you call someone a pussy, you're essentially saying, stop being weak and feminine. Of course it's offensive to women regardless of your "noble" intentions behind those words, especially in an open forum like the internet. You can't call your friends faggot for acting silly then act surprised when gay people find it offensive.
I will say it, and all Korean men will agree with me, Korean women are our goddesses, we don't deserve them, they are better than us, they are stronger than us, but we will protect them because we cherish them, we adore them, and we will not fail them, they are our hearts, and we are their shields
This is the exact mentality you're not getting. This is still horribly sexist no matter how positive you think this is. Men and women are both human beings. You shouldn't worship women. You shouldn't view them as pretty objects or treasure to protect. You should view them as fellow human beings, EQUAL to men. A woman should be able to play the role of the shield in a relationship. A man should be able to play the role of the heart. Lesbians and ones not interested in relationships should still be able to assert their own individuality without deriving their worth and value from a relationship with a man. All of this directly contribute to sexist notions where women obsess over physical appearance and derive their value in finding a relationship
You seem like a decent guy, and I admire your effort to rationalize the sexist and patriarchal beliefs you hold. Just know, in the Western world, Korea is socially backwards 50 years in treatment of women and treatment of LGBT. In the academic world, even further along back (so is everywhere else). Don't be too offended at the idea that this is changing with the younger generation, you're not intentionally being a sexist you just hold the same values as the older generation. Obviously you love women, but you're still incapable of understanding why conservative Korean values hurt contribute to sexism and discrimination. You keep talking about your great ability to see both sides, but you sure are getting offended at seeing things from another side. I'm sorry to tell you but you're indeed delusional if you don't understand how social progress work and you don't realize why the next generation finds yours to be sexist and oppressive, while the next next one will view you guys the same way we viewed white people during segregation and jim crow laws as racist. It's just how it works. Just realize it's okay to love your country and realize it's not above criticism. Every society is. It's a human cultural weakness to have their values challenged, but I'm hoping you can pick up what I'm saying here.
in your reply, please don't write so long. excess isn't the same thing as a good argument. try to be more concise to save both our times.
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Hello atom
So far I only have read a few pages, so sorry if this question has already been asked:D but it has been an incredable read so far.
My biggest question that keeps getting to mind when I read your awnser is what has let you too this sense of self that you currently have?
Also this type of ego you seem to have is quite strong, but at the same time it seems to me it is a really fixed state of mind that sometimes lack to abilty to get into a calm state. I don't mean this as in aggresion but rather that it is hard to incorperate both mind and emotion at the same time. Do you agree with this?
I'm still quite young so forgive me incase I just don't make any sense at allXD
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 13 2014 03:42 hp.Shell wrote:
I come from a long line of missing father figures. I knew my mother's father for quite some years, but he expressed mostly gentleness and it was rare for me to see him acting as a father figure to me when I spent time with him. Of course he probably thought that was my own father's place, but there's where it gets rough. (I also have a relatively close maternal uncle, who I believe also thinks it is my father's place to teach me. (By being there? I have no idea if that matters.))
My father's father's father died when his son was very young. The son, my father's father, then grew up, under whose guidance I can't be certain as I have not spent much time talking to him. What I do know about my father's father is that he spent a lot of time away from his young children chasing personal dreams or personal interests, not in the name of family economics, but in the name of what he perceived to be a greater good.
My father, growing up as I will, probably has only a small idea of the typical father-son relationship. He left when I was roughly 15, and lives far away.
My question is, what do you suggest I do? I want to be able to have children and hopefully be a good father figure, but I'm not sure it's in my genetics. I don't know of a time when my father's line had a father-son relationship.
When I was a child, like five years and younger, my relationship with my father was very caring, in that my father doted on me like his adored baby. But very shortly after, I didn't see him very much because he was working all the time. I could still feel his presence in the household, in terms of him being the final authority figure, but for the most part, I think as boys, it is the love of our mothers that builds our confidence, but as boys becoming men, we need some idea of what direction to go,- meaning in what kind of man should we be.
In some very primal way, we have it in our genetics as men, to know that we are to be the protectors, but in how we express this, I think this is what we most get out of our fathers. My father was hard man to me, his feelings on raising me after I was five was that it was time to grow up. He grew up knowing the Korea war when he was the start of being a teenager,so for him there was never an illusion that life as a man was simply just making a living, but that shit happens and so it seemed as though from one day I was the adored baby to the next day in military boot camp.
My father and I had a very bad relationship in that I didn't understand him at all and he thought I was too much of a pussy and also too arrogant. A pussy being that I didn't follow through enough in his view. I remember going to my university orientation with my mother and I was having lunch with my mother and she said,' Your Father hopes that you will do well', I said, 'My Father knows nothing about how I will do,' and my mother said, 'you don't know your Father's intentions, he never said how proud of you he is because he wanted to to simply stand on your own, the world isn't fair and is only more difficult and he wanted to prepare you in the way he knows,' and I said, 'by being cold, critical and judging everything I've done as subpar?'. Then my mother snapped at me and said,' you don't know how good of a man your Father is, how many men like him are as principled and never complains and endures all.' And I didn't quite realize it at the time, but my Father's role in my life was to be an example of how I should react/endure/act rather than a source of my own confidence or someone to confide in.
Now this may seem all very barbaric, but when I was 21, I had massive fight with my father, on what he thought was best for me and what I thought was best for me, we didn't speak one word to each other for 8 months and we lived in the same house By the end of that year I was in Korea, playing rugby and doing my masters and was simply fully on my own. I didn't ask for assistance, I paid my own way, and there were so many instances where I was in a position of sole responsibility and also having to interact with many senior business people - and then my natural inclination was to act in the way consistent with the way I knew my Father to be and then I understood what he had tried to do.
I've met many charmers, many men that I thought were better than my own father, but in the end, it was the true strength of character of my father as my example which I've finally understood. My relationship with my father by the time I was 28 became the same as when I was 5, we are close, I think he felt that I finally grew into the man he wanted me to be.
The point of this story is that, at a basic level, the Father's role is be an example of how we express ourselves, deal with certain situations, but for the most part in ensuring that we are prepared to stand on our two feet and take it on alone when we need to. I think the mother is a far more central figure growing up, but its kind of like the micro and macro, where the mother is the micro and for the most part, its more than enough, but the little bit of macro- in terms of which direction or what kind of example of a man we feel comfortable to grow into- it's not a role that is that is as time intensive and it's also not a role where it is exclusive to our own fathers. Where it be your captain of your sports team, your coach, your boss, but an authority figure in how we think we should exercise and express our own authority. In someways it can be better than simply having an abusive father and thinking that that is what you will end up with, but I'd say I've met men who because the father's were abusive, they were the opposite having protected their mother and siblings and are aware that maybe that is something in them too, but they refuse to give it a chance.
So, the fact that it concerns you, and I'm telling you, it's not as involved as you think it is, in terms that as a Father figure we are not there to coddle, rather, we are there to set a general example or template and also provide guidance when our sons are at some crossroads. The advice you get from a man vs a woman can be totally different and as long as you there to provide it when it's time, the rest is all extra. I mean we yearn to admire and respect other great men and I think it starts with our father or father figures, but as men, at the end of the day, we are equipped to move forward on our own, but it is such a blessing to know that there is someone we can talk with that will give us this man to man guidance of someone who genuinely cares about us growing to be a good man. You'll be good if only because you're aware. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 13 2014 05:14 pink_moon wrote:I see from your side clearly. I'm Korean too, and unlike you I'm not pulling societal observations out of sweeping generalizations from anecdotes, I've studied Korean psychology, sociology, and gender studies extensively. (Just google any of the dozens of studies on the topics). I know what I'm talking about, I'm not challenging you on how Korean business work. Your only point in difference between men and women are that men serve in combat, but what's wrong with women in combat roles exactly? Israel does it fine. Yet you hold the same values that women are these weak, creatures that the men must defend. Ideally, mandatory conscription should and will be done away with. If your only justification of sexism is military, your argument becomes less and less relevant in an era of push button war. Physical strength means less everyday. Yet what of every other facets of society where military isn't relevant. How do you explain the massive difference in how men and women are treated? How would you justify the completely different way boys and girls are treated as children, where boys are pushed into careers and becoming great. While girls are pushed into being dolls and wives for the great men? All this because boys are physically a little stronger than girls. Do you really believe the complete dominance of men in arts and sciences (or all fields) throughout history is just "biologically nature?" That societal roles don't play a role in oppressing women and depriving the country of what could have been brilliant female lawyers, scientists, writers, professors? If you still deny that sexism exists or sexism doesn't hurt millions of girls, I'm curious to know if you ever found sexism to be a problem. How about 50 years ago? 100? At what point exactly in history did you get complacent with the right amount of sexism in society? Show nested quote + but are you also going to say that Korean women don't also play the gender role as well?
No of course not. That's called internalized misogyny. Where they accept sexism and don't find anything wrong whenever they see men being breadwinners, center pieces, protagonists while they serve as support, the side piece. Where women feel that their life's goal is to be a good mother and a wife, instead of their own individual human beings with ambitions and dreams. Take a break from gaming and read some works of literature like the Doll's House by Hedda Gabler or some Virginia Woolf Show nested quote +Why not give me be the benefit of the doubt here? I do not call people pussies as a female adjective nor cunt Yeah except it's not up to you what the words mean. This is not how language works. Terms like pussy and cunts, female gendered slurs have been historically used to dehumanize and oppress women. Ever wonder why cunt is a lot worse than dick? It's because men have never been reduced to their genital in history, ever. Women have been through massive rapes, forced prostitution, and sexual slavery (you're Korean you should know this) where they been yelled at by those words to denote that they're valued only for their genitals. When you call someone a pussy, you're essentially saying, stop being weak and feminine. Of course it's offensive to women regardless of your "noble" intentions behind those words, especially in an open forum like the internet. You can't call your friends faggot for acting silly then act surprised when gay people find it offensive. Show nested quote +I will say it, and all Korean men will agree with me, Korean women are our goddesses, we don't deserve them, they are better than us, they are stronger than us, but we will protect them because we cherish them, we adore them, and we will not fail them, they are our hearts, and we are their shields This is the exact mentality you're not getting. This is still horribly sexist no matter how positive you think this is. Men and women are both human beings. You shouldn't worship women. You shouldn't view them as pretty objects or treasure to protect. You should view them as fellow human beings, EQUAL to men. A woman should be able to play the role of the shield in a relationship. A man should be able to play the role of the heart. Lesbians and ones not interested in relationships should still be able to assert their own individuality without deriving their worth and value from a relationship with a man. All of this directly contribute to sexist notions where women obsess over physical appearance and derive their value in finding a relationship You seem like a decent guy, and I admire your effort to rationalize the sexist and patriarchal beliefs you hold. Just know, in the Western world, Korea is socially backwards 50 years in treatment of women and treatment of LGBT. In the academic world, even further along back (so is everywhere else). Don't be too offended at the idea that this is changing with the younger generation, you're not intentionally being a sexist you just hold the same values as the older generation. Obviously you love women, but you're still incapable of understanding why conservative Korean values hurt contribute to sexism and discrimination. You keep talking about your great ability to see both sides, but you sure are getting offended at seeing things from another side. I'm sorry to tell you but you're indeed delusional if you don't understand how social progress work and you don't realize why the next generation finds yours to be sexist and oppressive, while the next next one will view you guys the same way we viewed white people during segregation and jim crow laws as racist. It's just how it works. Just realize it's okay to love your country and realize it's not above criticism. Every society is. It's a human cultural weakness to have their values challenged, but I'm hoping you can pick up what I'm saying here. in your reply, please don't write so long. excess isn't the same thing as a good argument. try to be more concise to save both our times.
Well, I had hoped for a response without the personal insults, etc, but since you write and think like an undergraduate, it was just a hope.
I wish you the best in all your endeavors, reply or not, I'm not going to bother further as it is a waste of time for both of us. Your intention is to pick a fight by coming into this thread. This was never an argument or a rational, you ranted a series of rhetorical questions, I took my time to try to turn this into something productive, and you've once again replied with common knowledge and insults as well as dismissing my points instead of addressing them and added no personal insight. I'm not offended about what you want to say as I realize your intention, but I am offended by how rude you are.
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I'm sorry how exactly was my reply any more rude than your condescending reply? Because I used concepts you can't understand? Even though you had the exact same implication that I was incapable of understanding your view? It's okay, I'm not quite surprised you are reverting to tone fallacy and choosing to attack my tone instead of the content, as you can't just write essays of just "men are mennnn1!" and shitty anecdotes justifying sexism.
Nice typical ageism by the way. I'm sorry I sound like I've received undergraduate education. Was I talking to someone with a doctorate or something? Also if that was an ad hominem against college aged, youth, then the irony is just too hilarious. Who do you think you're exactly preaching and sharing your "wisdom" to here on TL? Why would anyone else even care to respond to your life stories and blogs? At the same time, you seem to be very anti-intellectual, not that I'm surprised in the least bit. Do you also just accuse other people of being too rude when they try to convince you that the earth isn't 6000 years old?
I also wish you the best in all your endeavors, even though there were no personal attacks in the post. If anything my first post was a lot more angrier. I'm sincerely sorry I've offended you in what you perceive to be personal attacks. If you were confused about the post, I would be happy to explain some of the concepts in depths to make it easier for you to understand.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 13 2014 07:11 sabas123 wrote:Hello atom So far I only have read a few pages, so sorry if this question has already been asked:D but it has been an incredable read so far. My biggest question that keeps getting to mind when I read your awnser is what has let you too this sense of self that you currently have? Also this type of ego you seem to have is quite strong, but at the same time it seems to me it is a really fixed state of mind that sometimes lack to abilty to get into a calm state. I don't mean this as in aggresion but rather that it is hard to incorperate both mind and emotion at the same time. Do you agree with this? I'm still quite young so forgive me incase I just don't make any sense at allXD
You make perfect sense, unless we are both nuts ^^
Well, in terms of the strength of self, it comes from taking on challenges and failing and then ending up better than the start, then repeating this over and over again. A lot of conflict, meaning, not fighting everything and anyone, but not accepting the status quo or simply letting things pass. But also really being humbled and then challenging based not on what I think I know, but on what I really do know. There is a common saying that once you really understand how little you know, then really are starting to learn.
But in terms of my ego, when you're younger it is at times very forced, very true, and sometimes when you let your ego down, you also lose your sense of self, and other times you're attacked and the ego goes into overdrive to be aggressive to assert itself or else you are defeated and your ego slowly reforms. But what is ego, it must be based on your actual personality and capabilities; these never go away, but it is our ego that give strength to express and articulate it.
But when the ego reforms after being decimated, - the expression of ego is less an idea of your image or force of will or recklessness of your impulses and becomes more closely just an extension of your self- when you're at your best.
At one point in my life, before I entered seminary, I had achieved a sense of just the mind expressing my ego. It was quite a nice experience, but while my life was peaceful, I personally missed the raw emotion of the ego -which is the part that usually got me into trouble, but which gave me a great deal of passion that instead of feeling that I was observing life, rather that I was living life.
But when you're young, under 20, its all emotional ego, and when you get a bit older, you can start to make a choice, but as humans, we are all things, emotion, mind and the physical at the same time simultaneous and in terms of our ego, unless all 3 are expressed simultaneously (even if the degrees are different), then we are never truly expressing ourselves and the chance to really interact with the world fully. But we mature and focus on those different parts at different times.
Eventually you do get to a 'fixed state' and it is easy to go on autopilot. But to say at plus 35, keeping an open mind, isn't as easy as it sounds because at my age of 39, I write white papers for gov't considerations, it will be rare for me to simply learn something from casual conversation like it would have been when I was in my late teens or early 20's. Rather, if I can say that I am still learning something, not just facts, but really gaining in perspective, then I think, inasmuch as you can, achieved a level of ego/self development where there is ability to catch yourself, and enter into calm state to reflect instead of an automated answer based on just your experience and fixed ego state.
But, I would say, for things like this, do not think too much about it directly, rather focus on holding yourself back from making emotional rash decisions, take the time to reflect by reading a lot of books and take on new challenges and let things naturally happen.
On as last note, when you're about your mid-twenties I think is the real danger zone for most people where they can still develop their sense of ego, but instead, become totally dependent upon their ego and their personal maturity and development freezes right there, or after you get married and have kids, and then you're basically stuck at mid-20's ego development. That the depth of your personality and grow has stopped there, you look older, you act older, but your not any wiser or insightful than you were in your mid-twenties. Experience may teach you not to make the same mistake, but its only reflection and learning which allow you really take on new challenges.
^^
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No question here. Just wanted to say thanks for all your blog posts in the past years. Has helped me in more ways than one!
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thanks for the awnser hyung~~
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Hello hyung! ^^
In the past I was very lazy and my parents did a very poor job of raising me due to drug addiction. I've overcome my emotional scars and I'm ready to move forward. I've always found solace in competition, because it's something I have control over. This made me grow to love starcraft and other competitive games, but now I've grown much older and have set my sights to the future. I find the competitive nature of business to be very exciting, particularly strategy. I've started school finally at the age of 24, but in the past I've had very bad grades and neglected my future completely. I truly believe I have it in me to create a future for myself with my current ambitions, but my problem is that I know it's almost impossible to get into a good school. I still try my hardest to get the most out of my experience in schooling and try to really absorb as much as I can from my professors.
I've really turned my life around, but I know that without proper tutelage I won't be equipped enough to handle my dreams. I just wanted to ask if you have any advice for how to create a career from this position and if you can a business strategy reading list. There are so many books that come out every week it feels almost impossible to overcome it all and my text books are still very basic, I already finished reading them a week ago and have two and a half months left of this semester. Perhaps much more importantly, what should I be doing to make the best of myself where I am now?
EDIT: Seems from the titles of many of your older blogs they would be perfect reading for me but they are gone now. I'm sure you have your reasons but that bums me out and I hope that you will be ok with posting an answer for me even if you don't like your old advice for some reason.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 14 2014 14:08 Misanthrope wrote:
Hello hyung! ^^
In the past I was very lazy and my parents did a very poor job of raising me due to drug addiction. I've overcome my emotional scars and I'm ready to move forward. I've always found solace in competition, because it's something I have control over. This made me grow to love starcraft and other competitive games, but now I've grown much older and have set my sights to the future. I find the competitive nature of business to be very exciting, particularly strategy. I've started school finally at the age of 24, but in the past I've had very bad grades and neglected my future completely. I truly believe I have it in me to create a future for myself with my current ambitions, but my problem is that I know it's almost impossible to get into a good school. I still try my hardest to get the most out of my experience in schooling and try to really absorb as much as I can from my professors.
I've really turned my life around, but I know that without proper tutelage I won't be equipped enough to handle my dreams. I just wanted to ask if you have any advice for how to create a career from this position and if you can a business strategy reading list. There are so many books that come out every week it feels almost impossible to overcome it all and my text books are still very basic, I already finished reading them a week ago and have two and a half months left of this semester. Perhaps much more importantly, what should I be doing to make the best of myself where I am now?
EDIT: Seems from the titles of many of your older blogs they would be perfect reading for me but they are gone now. I'm sure you have your reasons but that bums me out and I hope that you will be ok with posting an answer for me even if you don't like your old advice for some reason.
Just for you ^^
Start with these first;
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=161974#1
Being Competitive Part 1
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=162015#1
Being Competitive Part 2
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=163439#1
Being Competitive Part 3: Confidence
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=165745#1
Being Competitive Part 4: Discipline
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=147290#1
QuickStart Guide Individual Business Development B
(why I took these down was critism from my primary investor at the time why would I share such info in a public domain after I had been exposed by some industry fucker who found this blog, but its been a lot time now and I'm no longer with that group, but I've learned to be more careful.)
The most important thing in business isn't your background, it is all about your results and getting results and of course key to that is having the right tutors to make sure you zone in and focus.
But you are a man after my own heart.
Read this first as just a framework;
Go to the library, read fortune magazine from 2000-2014 (you can skip years 2008-2009, pretty depressing),
Read them cover to cover, I'm not kidding.
Fuck the good school, be the top in your class, just be the undisputed best in your class,
Man, one of the richest men in the world lives in Omaha.
Then find every Harvard Business School case study, just read as many as you can get your hands on; don't worry about answering them, but looking at what they are asking - but read the magazines first.
Business guys love to look for guys that they can mold into their own protege, just get into a reputable firm, large or small does't matter and just wreak it.
Do the above, and get back to me after you at least finish the magazine readings. ^^
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On February 14 2014 16:27 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 14 2014 14:08 Misanthrope wrote:
Hello hyung! ^^
In the past I was very lazy and my parents did a very poor job of raising me due to drug addiction. I've overcome my emotional scars and I'm ready to move forward. I've always found solace in competition, because it's something I have control over. This made me grow to love starcraft and other competitive games, but now I've grown much older and have set my sights to the future. I find the competitive nature of business to be very exciting, particularly strategy. I've started school finally at the age of 24, but in the past I've had very bad grades and neglected my future completely. I truly believe I have it in me to create a future for myself with my current ambitions, but my problem is that I know it's almost impossible to get into a good school. I still try my hardest to get the most out of my experience in schooling and try to really absorb as much as I can from my professors.
I've really turned my life around, but I know that without proper tutelage I won't be equipped enough to handle my dreams. I just wanted to ask if you have any advice for how to create a career from this position and if you can a business strategy reading list. There are so many books that come out every week it feels almost impossible to overcome it all and my text books are still very basic, I already finished reading them a week ago and have two and a half months left of this semester. Perhaps much more importantly, what should I be doing to make the best of myself where I am now?
EDIT: Seems from the titles of many of your older blogs they would be perfect reading for me but they are gone now. I'm sure you have your reasons but that bums me out and I hope that you will be ok with posting an answer for me even if you don't like your old advice for some reason. Just for you ^^ Start with these first; http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=161974#1Being Competitive Part 1 http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=162015#1Being Competitive Part 2 http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=163439#1Being Competitive Part 3: Confidence http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=165745#1Being Competitive Part 4: Discipline http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=147290#1QuickStart Guide Individual Business Development B (why I took these down was critism from my primary investor at the time why would I share such info in a public domain after I had been exposed by some industry fucker who found this blog, but its been a lot time now and I'm no longer with that group, but I've learned to be more careful.) The most important thing in business isn't your background, it is all about your results and getting results and of course key to that is having the right tutors to make sure you zone in and focus. But you are a man after my own heart. Read this first as just a framework; Go to the library, read fortune magazine from 2000-2014 (you can skip years 2008-2009, pretty depressing), Read them cover to cover, I'm not kidding. Fuck the good school, be the top in your class, just be the undisputed best in your class, Man, one of the richest men in the world lives in Omaha. Then find every Harvard Business School case study, just read as many as you can get your hands on; don't worry about answering them, but looking at what they are asking - but read the magazines first. Business guys love to look for guys that they can mold into their own protege, just get into a reputable firm, large or small does't matter and just wreak it. Do the above, and get back to me after you at least finish the magazine readings. ^^
This means so much to me, thank you so much. I feel like I have a very strong goal for the immediate future and that is so important so as not to get lost and become aimless once again. I copied these blogs into a word doc which I will always keep private so if you need to you can take them down once again. Thank you again so much hyung. I will let you know as soon as I finish! ^^
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Hi hyung, what music do you listen to?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 16 2014 06:45 hellokitty[hk] wrote:
Hi hyung, what music do you listen to?
Honestly, I used to be really elitist when it came to music, when I was a kid from 12-19, I loved 'alternative' (it actually meant something back then) like Echo and the Bunny Men, Pixies, RadioHead, etc, and British pop like Pulp, and of course grunge, you know it was for me, what was formative in my high school years 89-93'. By the end of high school I was into 'progressive house' (lol another term that meant something at the time, but doesn't now), meaning more progressive than house in terms of speed of tempo, variations, kinda boarderline trance, and I think there was overlap, but it wasn't like hardcore techno, -house but with more of an symphonic type of progression rather than the same beats 93'-97'. But then that also went super mainstream like alternative and everyone was dropping 4 e's a night, so by the end of university, I just loved R&B, but by 2002, I basically listen to everything; when I was kid l love anything classical majestic symphonies etc but I guess it was because I played piano and was in choir ^^; now I just appreciate any music as long as it makes me feel good. ^^
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Happy New Year Hyung,
You've said guys with friends that are girls are pussies. Besides professional 'friends', when are friendships between guys and girls acceptable?
Also, from a purely monetary perspective, which do you think is easier, finance or medicine (in US), if you're starting from scratch?
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Can you give me a list of great reads? Books that made an impact in your perception of the world / provide clarity in thinking , preferably developmental books / historical auto over classic storybooks like A Tale of Two Cities.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 15 2014 11:22 SkyLegenD wrote:
Happy New Year Hyung,
You've said guys with friends that are girls are pussies. Besides professional 'friends', when are friendships between guys and girls acceptable?
Also, from a purely monetary perspective, which do you think is easier, finance or medicine (in US), if you're starting from scratch?
^^
The only time when friendship between guys and girls is if it is your sister-in-law or your wives or buddy's wives and I'm still taking about being in a group meeting.
When you're older, you barely have enough time to hang out with your good friends, usually your work friends replace your good friends and you'd rather spend time with your kids than friends, so the entire girl friend thing simply isn't an issue.
But from a Korean man's point of view, unless she is an older 'nuunah' from way back, it is almost never really acceptable to have a close girlfriend other than your wife, sister-in-law etc.
Wow. Finance and Medicine are two totally different fields; I'd have to say finance is easier, but if you don't have the right background or mindset- in the long run, it will be tough and after 2008 the finance market isn't the same easy gains as it use to. And medicine, if you love it, go for it, but its for security and it's a matter of focusing immensely for those years of study but then you're relatively stress free whereas with finance the stress never stops until you retire at age 40ish.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 15 2014 15:29 BlindKill wrote:
Can you give me a list of great reads? Books that made an impact in your perception of the world / provide clarity in thinking , preferably developmental books / historical auto over classic storybooks like A Tale of Two Cities.
1. New Testament books (NIV Version)- but this is tricky, you need to really be in a right mindset for this, otherwise pass it.
2. Good to Great (leadership)
3. Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue (New York: Guilford Press, 1985) ISBN 978-1-60918-236-6 (self identity)
4. Plato's republic (abstract rational thinking)
5. 33 strategies of War (to understand how to compete)
6. 48 laws of power (to see how shitty people are)
7. How to be a fierce competitor (practical points on competition)
8. How to be a rainmaker (practical points on business)
9. Read as much as you can on world history form all regions- you'd be surprised how little people know about world history and knowing it puts the world in a very clear paradigm
10. Read biographies, guys or girls you respect, get an understanding of a person's thought process at the highest level of their field.
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EPT
