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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 12 2014 15:48 pink_moon wrote:So you have no problem with how conservative Korean culture is socially? Clearly you feel that it's a good thing to carry on such strict gender roles. Do you think boys should be boys and girls should be girls? Why exactly can't your "advice" be applicable to women? What if your one of your sons don't want to be confined to such masculine role and would feel more liberated from gender roles and values that dictate how an entire gender should act? Would you just force more of your alpha manliness onto him until he sucumbs to Korean societal customs? Even if you don't give a shit about the other side of this coin, of all the discrimination and injustice women face, what about the gender problems for men you're supporting? This "alpha" culture obsessed with status and competition. Korea has some of the highest suicide rates in the developed world, and two thirds of them are men.This macho bullshit culture that say men have to act a certain way, where crying and seeking help is seen as "weak" and "womanly", ...ever seen the movie Peppermint Candy? You don't find anything wrong with that? let's ignore the count of times you've called people pussies and cunts in this thread and your last. According to you, women's values derive from their father and their husbands. Right? It doesn't matter what agency or independence they assert as human beings. All women even the ones with PhDs that are far more intelligent than the likes of you, are simply seeking alpha males to complete them. No wonder people outside of the heteronormative are completely invisible or discriminated against in society. To me you represent just yet another face in Korea's deep rooted sexism. Yeah let me guess. You like your woman to be submissive and passive. You have no problem with the fact Korean women are some of the most educated in the world yet their careers go nowhere and they get paid considerably less. After all, men are "men" (something you keep repeating yet unable to explain).
Let me respond to you as if I was your father, as distasteful as that maybe. You are not going to change me, you don't expect to. You want to expose me and you want me to know something that you feel is wrong. I can't think of way to respond that will not further upset you, but I'll be as sincere as I can.
"So you have no problem with how conservative Korean culture is socially?"
Korean society is not so conservative as it once was, it has changed dramatically, but it depends where you are raised, if you are raised in Seoul, it probably is the less conservative (this being relative to our society), but surprisingly many immigrant families to America are extremely conservative as they seek to maintain what they know to be their culture and this protectionism creates a separation from the American culture.
But, I am conservative and I am Korean, but I do not think the issues with our society come from us being conservative, but close minded at times, overly competitive and not willing to accept differences. I understand what you're point is, you equate being conservative with being oppressive to women, but rather because I am conservative I feel a man must do things a man must do and I have no judgement or ideas on what a woman should be, but for the standards that I do set, it is for that role a man should play and that is to have the capability to protect and provide - if it is not needed by all, but that a man can, he should.
"Clearly you feel that it's a good thing to carry on such strict gender roles."
Only for those men who choose to take on such a role, and for Korea it is the right role. For other countries, likely not. But the role is not to abuse or oppress, but so that those we take responsibility for can have safety and options. I only speak for the role of men, while you may think because I have such clear thoughts on the role of men, my view is equally applied for women as weak or passive or stupid or obedient , but you assume too much. My view only applies that the man be a man, and the rest will be as it is - accepted by all or not, politically correct or not, it doesn't matter.
I don't have an expectation of a role for my daughter, only that I can provide her an environment where she is free to chose whatever role that she will have and to do whatever she does with integrity and grit. I may or may not understand her choices or agree with them, but if she is happy, then I would be happy. My application of gender roles is not fair, but it is not fair to the boys. I think that women will have their own responsibilities to step-up, but it is not my place to define them for them. You may say I'm bullshitting when I say this later part, or you may say, 'why not have the same expectations for women and men,' but this is the way I was brought up by my own mother and I don't judge it as bad or good, but simply the choice I have also made to live this way.
"Do you think boys should be boys and girls should be girls?"
I think boys are boys and girls and girls. If you think differently I don't think less of it, if you think I am an oppression because I think this way, I think my life is far less complex and far more fulfilled in my relationship with my wife, my mother, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-laws. I give them all my all, my time, my thoughts, my effort and I provide, and they in turn can insult me, look down on me, adore me, be frustrated with me, but they know I will provide, I will protect and I will take responsibility for everything in the family.
Why exactly can't your "advice" be applicable to women?"
I don't know if it can or cannot be, I am writing now , answering to, speaking to boys or men; you're looking for a fight here, and there isn't one. Women are humans, they can chose, but would I give the same advice to Korean woman, of course not, but I wouldn't even try to give such advice in general. It's not that it couldn't be applicable, but I'm not writing for that intention.
"What if your one of your sons don't want to be confined to such masculine role and would feel more liberated from gender roles and values that dictate how an entire gender should act? Would you just force more of your alpha manliness onto him until he sucumbs to Korean societal customs?"
You say confined and masculine, liberated and values and dictated, all negative terms in this context, but you see nothing positive because you assume the point is oppression rather than responsibility and duty. I do not force, even here, I say, 'ask and I will answer, I will be your hyung' someone who will give it to you with clarity and at least care enough to present a choice rather than no choices or options. Will I support my son, yes, will I hope he upholds what is good about our culture, yes be a man and take on responsibility. If the north attacks, protect where you can, if you're friends are outnumbered, stand with them, if the boat goes down, the women and children first. Is this so wrong? Maybe the trade-off and the entitlement and abuse of this role is wrong, but when I say to take up responsibility, be more capable to protect and provide. I am not blind to the abuse, I am sorry to the women who are oppressed and abused by the twisting of our culture, but that does not mean I or my sons, or those who ask, can not be the better of the men.
"Even if you don't give a shit about the other side of this coin, of all the discrimination and injustice women face, what about the gender problems for men you're supporting? This "alpha" culture obsessed with status and competition. Korea has some of the highest suicide rates in the developed world, and two thirds of them are men.This macho bullshit culture that say men have to act a certain way, where crying and seeking help is seen as "weak" and "womanly", ...ever seen the movie Peppermint Candy?"
You see the image of being macho when it comes to men. The gender problems come not from gender in our country, they come the obsession with status, competition and a lack of social responsibility. Two thirds of the suicide are men, but why isn't it 100% just men, do you think one third of suicide by women is a small proportion? Men are more the primary breadwinners we know this a cultural fact, alpha or not, we are a patriarchal society, but yet the societal woes are not coming from men under stress to be men, or society is far more equal than it was 20 years ago, but yet the suicides are even more so there, should we say that then equality has lead to one third of women committing suicide now? Or can we say, our culture as a whole has an issue from extreme rapid urbanization, a loss of our traditional framework, trading it in for mass materialism and the obsession not to be last by being first and to maintain an image to just to be able to pretend to live as normal without problems?
I have lived a hard life, I chose to live such a life, I worked and studied and fought my entire life and when I had something, I put it aside and looked a myself to be better than what society thought was enough. But I'm lucky, I didn't have to pay off a registered loan shark operation with another registered loan shark operation to the point where I had to sell my body to pay off a debt my father could not pay. I will never have to take the abuse of a husband to keep a family together nor raise my children alone because my husband ran away with another woman. But I have worked days and nights and not see my family and when there were no options, I endured and made options and I would die in place of my wife a million times to see her stay with our children and live a good life and I will do everything with all my intellect, tenacity and will to be there by my wife's side to support her and our family for as long as it can be. I will not regret otherwise.
I've cried, I cry, don't separate what I say from being a human, I need my wife, I need my mother, they are want has made me strong so I can do whatever needs to be done. I have learned from my father the will, the fortitude to do what needs to be done, but I am not a machine, no man is, all this alpha traits is because we need it or else we would fail.
You want to group what I've written as the same oppression that you see or you feel, but I'm the one that would be the one to stop those who try to be a man, to have an image, and just bluster to abuse and oppress. I do not beat my chest like a gorilla, I am silent, I teach, I listen, I take my time to speak with all the authenticity and sincerity I can. I'm not saying, act a certain way, I am saying, do what you need to be responsible to protect and provide- to be more capable, whether that it is your ambition or your emotional care with your child so they can grow to be open minded, but also noble minded.
I did not see the movie 'Peppermint Candy', but I will say, every person faces hardships, the same historical ones, should we all blame society and accept that? Should we sleep around and have affairs or concentrate our energies to do more for our families.Would I say the main figure in Peppermint Candy has my sympathies based on the wiki article, no. He breaks, and every man who lives, will break, but it those who move forward and keeps going forward no matter how slow or how painful, how much loss- this is what I am saying is a man as a Korean would say. That doesn't divorce us from our emotions or to breakdown or a sense of humour. I'm not talking about the image, or the pussies that give up or abuse to pretend to have power, I'm taking about the man who will continue to walk forward for others.
"I think women can be good if they have a good father figure.
You don't find anything wrong with that? let's ignore the count of times you've called people pussies and cunts in this thread and your last. According to you, women's values derive from their father and their husbands. Right?
Why not give me be the benefit of the doubt here? I do not call people pussies as a female adjective nor cunts. I could say,sissies, and it means the same thing, but not the same level of intensity. And I use the word cunts as it is used between men, again for intensity. As my point is to drive home the point, and why do I use such language, because it is the language I use to make these points as clear as possible and that includes the strength of the conviction I have for what I say. And again you, looking for a fight when there is no fight. From the position of the man's relation to the woman, and the responsibility of a man is that if he should have a daughter, he should be a good father figure; that it will make a significant difference to your daughter's life to be good and for her to do good. If you disagree with that, then I'm sorry, you are wrong. If you think I'm only saying that a good woman is one with a good father figure, then you misread my intentions and take it farther simply to start a fight that isn't there.
"It doesn't matter what agency or independence they assert as human beings. All women even the ones with PhDs that are far more intelligent than the likes of you, are simply seeking alpha males to complete them. No wonder people outside of the heteronormative are completely invisible or discriminated against in society."
In terms of women and men, I think everyone, hetero sexual, homo sexual, player, nerd, PhDs, the school of hard knocks, what a relationship that will being together two people who accept one another for all the their faults and good things and will love them and grow with them. You want to take about human beings, lets talk about human beings, but if you to throw my words against me from a different context here, then you're not giving me a chance to say my real thoughts as well as not asking me anything except to vent how upset you are and taking it out on me.
Which is fine, but I'll say, life isn't fair, it is never fair, men or women or humanity. I can talk about all the racism and fights I've been in since I was 4 years old and the racism of even teachers throughout the year being the only Korean in school, and I can talk about how much I had to over come in my UK company to crush the ceiling above me, and we can talk about how women do not make as much as men and work just as hard sometimes and then we can talk about how both you and I are not in the middle of civil war right now where our parents got hacked to death in front of us and our siblings are now limbless. You say the likes of me, when I'm here, answering honestly and openly and doing my best to contribute with the time I have because I am a failure here on TL.
I am failure because I started TLKnowhow and I couldn't make it work because I mis-gauged the time I thought I would have, then went into a massive 2 year project and I couldn't do both and I had to choose and so I failed in my contribution to TL and I failed in my word, but even as I am a failure, or have fail or cannot contribute or make up for not succeeding, I will not give up to the intention of my word, no matter how tired and sick I am at the moment. I will make up for what I have done wrong and where I did not follow through and I will keep at it. Even if people would consider this not a real contribution or a real community or relative to the events of my life, my family, my work, that my time on TL is wasted and my commitment irrelevant, I would say, I do not choose to do this, I am this, my word and my need to do what I say.
You are saying the obvious about discrimination, and it is probably the worst in Korea when it comes to sub groups, and even when life is unfair, I don't accept the status quo of the discrimination, but to simply blame and say, this is why, is a bit naive as well.
To me you represent just yet another face in Korea's deep rooted sexism.
To me you represent someone who is is rude to not give the benefit of the doubt to someone who you simply group based on your own feelings. I'm not denying the inequality, but as I've mention, when it comes to Korea it is about roles Do you fight to join the army with all your friends so that we can be equal to defend the country? And will you blame me if I stand in front of you and say that I would like to fight on your behalf and I would rather my wife and nieces do not have to go for 26 months to the army and risk death on the front line. You do not think, even though my boys are not even 6 yet, that I worry about their army service in 13 years, but I accept that they should do what they need to do; and if they have the option to go to the army or not have to go, then I will accept it as long as they are being the best they can be for our people and country. Will you insult me now because I do love our country and would fight to defend it?
We are Korean, we are a unique and fucked up society in many respects, our is a culture and people where even before the advent plastic surgery our natural occurrence of high cheek bones is 80% of the population, so being ugly is a major minority. We are a people who expect that one must be the best in intellect and physical ability and looks and charm. Is this good? Do you think that in Korea, women do not also play the gender role, there is no dutch pay, every family that has both parents working, how much the husband would love to make enough so that his wife could stay at home to raise their children when our society is so fucking competitive.
All the Kyopos come to Korea and have such criticism of our country and yet they can never know how competitive our people really are that there is no objective way to rank our students for admissions without testing because everything else is not objective enough: by interviews or essays- lol, we would still ace the interviews with prep course or pre memorize an entire 10 page essay if it matter enough. You think now we hold Samsung smart phone in our hands and think, wow, this is a great phone, maybe not better than iphone, but to say that a Samsung phone is better than a Sony phone, this is something which I still cannot believe happened.
We are a passionate and obsessive and simple people, but we have so few leaders who can stand not to be torn down, we are all to pressured to not be followers before we get swept or away or must give up because the father feels that mass suicide is better by his hand than to let his wife and children live without any financial means- that not even their relatives can help and no options but depression. We cannot change these things right now, you can pass judgement on our people easily and on me, but we will survive,we will be durable until the day we figure it out and there will be men who will not break and not follow and not change to meet some international definition of good culture, but for us to be good people of our country. We are a hard race and if I chose to share what makes us hard and good, here, let me be the face of that, no matter how you judge me.
Yeah let me guess. You like your woman to be submissive and passive. You have no problem with the fact Korean women are some of the most educated in the world yet their careers go nowhere and they get paid considerably less. After all, men are "men" (something you keep repeating yet unable to explain).
All these western sterotypes about us, do you want to add in wife beater, small penis, pervert. Do you want to not see that our culture is a drinking culture and that is tied to business and most deals are finalized in drinking houses? Do you want to write to Samsung or LG or Hyundai or SK or Lotte and all their subsidiaries to stop such business practices? Do you want us to all be like the Americans or the Canadians or the British who must be so much more civilized than us with their culture, equality, open mindedness, and also there history of slavery, colonization and systematic oppression of their native populations?
Korean women have never had this much freedom or equality in all of the history of Korea an if they want to play the gender role they can have a successful career and not pay for anything including still using their father's credit card while living alone. Korea relatively as become more equal, but that doesn't take away from our competition and do women on average work as hard as Korean men do in Korea. No. I've worked in Korea, for the gov't, for the private sector and as a freelancer in the fashion brand industry. If you say otherwise, you know nothing about how hard Korea really is for both men and women. How when a company needs to fire, they will fire the single young career women first because they have no dependents. Is this wrong, individual merit over a family?
Of course there are exceptions on how hard some women can work, but are you also going to say that Korean women don't also play the gender role as well? That even if Korean men get extra work credit for the army on their seniority that that makes up for the time in the army when a woman does not need to and that professional women are actually more qualified at a younger age than professional Korean men, but it is up to the man to proof to the wife's family he can provide for her?
But do I care that this is the situation, no, I do not, I accepted it, and I worked like a motherfucker so I could marry my wife and that we could have a proper wedding and that my inlaws would know that their new son-in-law could provide. That is my pride, my worth. You use a western metric for all of this, but women are paid less, they do in most cases work less, the men naturally take on more and we want to and they let us, and most really educated women in Korea would like to find a good man who is capable and spend time to have the opportunity to raise the children at home. Because work is that fucking hard and mindless sometimes in Korea.
I will say it, and all Korean men will agree with me, Korean women are our goddesses, we don't deserve them, they are better than us, they are stronger than us, but we will protect them because we cherish them, we adore them, and we will not fail them, they are our hearts, and we are their shields. No one Korean man would disagree with me on this. Whatever the mother of children ask, we will provide it, and we will be shamed when we cannot.
You could not be more wrong with your guess, all of my girlfriends were confident, strong, smart, educated and taught me many things and each one of them challenged me because maybe I was always going to be the downtown boy going for the uptown girl. And each one of them, better than me, but was with me, because I had the ambition, the drive, and the fury, to always take up whatever they had and be better.
I say, men are men, not to explain anything, but to state it. We do what we were born to do and so for everyone that has asked me as a hyung, what should I do, I say, men are men, it is you, you can do what you are, so just get it done, no matter how long or how delayed, how much damage or failure, how late, how difficult- if there is your woman waiting for you, if there is the people there that you need to protect, if there is that responsibility you have chosen to taken on, then just do you were born to be.
****
I am sorry that this thread was hurtful to you, I am sorry that these words are really only written for the boys here, and that I am not able to provide a contribution that would be useful to you. I am not civilized, I am conservative and maybe a beast, but I know I am beast in love with my people and I am not ashamed of anything I've written or my position. You have every right to be upset, to judge me in this way, to feel injustice against our society, but this is not the reason for every ill in our society and sometimes it is where our strength in our people is as well.
We talk and write and English here. So I assume about your background. I assume you are a woman. I assume you are American educated. You throw facts at me like it is not obvious without, you take my words out of the audience and context it was written in, you insult me, you don't know what I mean by pussy and cunt when I am saying it between boys (and in a south hemisphere way-you should ask an Aussie about it). You are interested in my words and phrases more so that intention behind them.
So can I say, that this entire post to you was pointless, you will have read it, been cynical, waiting to see where to rebuttal and miss the entire point of why I wrote it. I wrote it as respect you that I would hope that one day you see how all the bad things you have pointed out, were not meant to be bad in our culture, that it was about responsibility just like a father would have to his daughter in a new land; to work to endure so that their daughter's life could be more free, even as it may be difficult for the father to accept.
So many things we can say are bad and good but by what cultural metric? The same thing from a Korea metric and Western metric can be totally different and to say there is a universal metric, I am sure for somethings, but not for all things.
The ability to see from both sides, I think is a human cultural skill. I remember so many Kyopos saying to me, I pick the best of the western and Korean worlds, and I said to them, how you do you define best? You don't even really know Korea, you simply judge it from what you see from a western judgement value system. I am Korean, I do not chose the good and the bad characteristics, I simply am. That does not stop me from trying to be better though. Besides the judgement you have for me and the fact you may think I'm still delusional by your understanding, I hope that you can pick up what I am saying here, at the end, of you picking up that human cultural skill that I refer too.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 12 2014 16:35 Ahzz wrote:Show nested quote +On February 12 2014 14:26 KurtistheTurtle wrote:you know when you're writing something, and you're doing good, but then everything just grinds to a halt and your mind is murky...you don't know where to go next? that's right here On February 12 2014 05:37 MightyAtom wrote:
But if you read the parables in faith, then you see where the absence of love destroys, or the completeness of love fulfills.
I don't get it. I really don't. in my brain, I know I'm supposed to act through love. I feel this to be true. mix it in as many actions as I can. theres a passage, that a mans face wrinkled by lust is destructive. a man's face, wrinkled by love and lust, is a wonderful sight to behold. it is totally different when touched by love what you wrote is likely much deeper than this, but this is the part I latched onto and can't get past it how do I leap? where does awareness need to be? how can i start deliberately acting through love? Perhaps you'll wait for MA's post, but here's my 2 cents: That is just it. We, as humans, cannot make conscious decisions to act with love. If we could, everything we did would be totally selflessly done. Clearly, that is impossible for us. Often we realize that we help others while still harboring thoughts of perhaps getting back a favor later or so. We helped the person, we didn't say anything, yet we expect a favor back. That is not acting through love. There are moments when we can grasp love that is not through our will, and those examples have been given: Mother looking at her newborn child etc. Realizing that being faulty as we are and that we cannot act with love with our own will is a big step forward. So as I see it, here is where faith comes in. It's faith in the love of christ, that we are forgiven regardless of what we are. And that whatever we do, we should try to seek acting through love, and leave what is absent of love. That is really what christianity is about, try not to let love amongst others diminish. But it is explained in about a hundred ways because as humans we have trouble grasping it. Kind of like what bible says about wisdom: We may act with wisdom, but if we ever think we have it, we lose it. We can only grasp a small part of it at any given point. EDIT: Actually I probably shouldn't have jumped into this. This thread probably isn't supposed to become a general advice thread. Sorry.
pretty fucking good ^^
The only thing I would add is, for Christians, the Resurrection of Christ is where it is revealed that God is love- but all people yearn for love and so the message is universal in that respect, but as mentioned above, until you are in Christ (the state of sharing the act of the Resurrection) the effort or the will to have faith and to see the world in the completeness of love...mmm..very very difficult expect for those fleeting moments.
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I come from a long line of missing father figures. I knew my mother's father for quite some years, but he expressed mostly gentleness and it was rare for me to see him acting as a father figure to me when I spent time with him. Of course he probably thought that was my own father's place, but there's where it gets rough. (I also have a relatively close maternal uncle, who I believe also thinks it is my father's place to teach me. (By being there? I have no idea if that matters.))
My father's father's father died when his son was very young. The son, my father's father, then grew up, under whose guidance I can't be certain as I have not spent much time talking to him. What I do know about my father's father is that he spent a lot of time away from his young children chasing personal dreams or personal interests, not in the name of family economics, but in the name of what he perceived to be a greater good.
My father, growing up as I will, probably has only a small idea of the typical father-son relationship. He left when I was roughly 15, and lives far away.
My question is, what do you suggest I do? I want to be able to have children and hopefully be a good father figure, but I'm not sure it's in my genetics. I don't know of a time when my father's line had a father-son relationship.
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I see from your side clearly. I'm Korean too, and unlike you I'm not pulling societal observations out of sweeping generalizations from anecdotes, I've studied Korean psychology, sociology, and gender studies extensively. (Just google any of the dozens of studies on the topics). I know what I'm talking about, I'm not challenging you on how Korean business work.
Your only point in difference between men and women are that men serve in combat, but what's wrong with women in combat roles exactly? Israel does it fine. Yet you hold the same values that women are these weak, creatures that the men must defend. Ideally, mandatory conscription should and will be done away with. If your only justification of sexism is military, your argument becomes less and less relevant in an era of push button war. Physical strength means less everyday.
Yet what of every other facets of society where military isn't relevant. How do you explain the massive difference in how men and women are treated? How would you justify the completely different way boys and girls are treated as children, where boys are pushed into careers and becoming great. While girls are pushed into being dolls and wives for the great men? All this because boys are physically a little stronger than girls. Do you really believe the complete dominance of men in arts and sciences (or all fields) throughout history is just "biologically nature?" That societal roles don't play a role in oppressing women and depriving the country of what could have been brilliant female lawyers, scientists, writers, professors? If you still deny that sexism exists or sexism doesn't hurt millions of girls, I'm curious to know if you ever found sexism to be a problem. How about 50 years ago? 100? At what point exactly in history did you get complacent with the right amount of sexism in society?
but are you also going to say that Korean women don't also play the gender role as well?
No of course not. That's called internalized misogyny. Where they accept sexism and don't find anything wrong whenever they see men being breadwinners, center pieces, protagonists while they serve as support, the side piece. Where women feel that their life's goal is to be a good mother and a wife, instead of their own individual human beings with ambitions and dreams. Take a break from gaming and read some works of literature like the Doll's House by Hedda Gabler or some Virginia Woolf
Why not give me be the benefit of the doubt here? I do not call people pussies as a female adjective nor cunt
Yeah except it's not up to you what the words mean. This is not how language works. Terms like pussy and cunts, female gendered slurs have been historically used to dehumanize and oppress women. Ever wonder why cunt is a lot worse than dick? It's because men have never been reduced to their genital in history, ever. Women have been through massive rapes, forced prostitution, and sexual slavery (you're Korean you should know this) where they been yelled at by those words to denote that they're valued only for their genitals. When you call someone a pussy, you're essentially saying, stop being weak and feminine. Of course it's offensive to women regardless of your "noble" intentions behind those words, especially in an open forum like the internet. You can't call your friends faggot for acting silly then act surprised when gay people find it offensive.
I will say it, and all Korean men will agree with me, Korean women are our goddesses, we don't deserve them, they are better than us, they are stronger than us, but we will protect them because we cherish them, we adore them, and we will not fail them, they are our hearts, and we are their shields
This is the exact mentality you're not getting. This is still horribly sexist no matter how positive you think this is. Men and women are both human beings. You shouldn't worship women. You shouldn't view them as pretty objects or treasure to protect. You should view them as fellow human beings, EQUAL to men. A woman should be able to play the role of the shield in a relationship. A man should be able to play the role of the heart. Lesbians and ones not interested in relationships should still be able to assert their own individuality without deriving their worth and value from a relationship with a man. All of this directly contribute to sexist notions where women obsess over physical appearance and derive their value in finding a relationship
You seem like a decent guy, and I admire your effort to rationalize the sexist and patriarchal beliefs you hold. Just know, in the Western world, Korea is socially backwards 50 years in treatment of women and treatment of LGBT. In the academic world, even further along back (so is everywhere else). Don't be too offended at the idea that this is changing with the younger generation, you're not intentionally being a sexist you just hold the same values as the older generation. Obviously you love women, but you're still incapable of understanding why conservative Korean values hurt contribute to sexism and discrimination. You keep talking about your great ability to see both sides, but you sure are getting offended at seeing things from another side. I'm sorry to tell you but you're indeed delusional if you don't understand how social progress work and you don't realize why the next generation finds yours to be sexist and oppressive, while the next next one will view you guys the same way we viewed white people during segregation and jim crow laws as racist. It's just how it works. Just realize it's okay to love your country and realize it's not above criticism. Every society is. It's a human cultural weakness to have their values challenged, but I'm hoping you can pick up what I'm saying here.
in your reply, please don't write so long. excess isn't the same thing as a good argument. try to be more concise to save both our times.
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Hello atom
So far I only have read a few pages, so sorry if this question has already been asked:D but it has been an incredable read so far.
My biggest question that keeps getting to mind when I read your awnser is what has let you too this sense of self that you currently have?
Also this type of ego you seem to have is quite strong, but at the same time it seems to me it is a really fixed state of mind that sometimes lack to abilty to get into a calm state. I don't mean this as in aggresion but rather that it is hard to incorperate both mind and emotion at the same time. Do you agree with this?
I'm still quite young so forgive me incase I just don't make any sense at allXD
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 13 2014 03:42 hp.Shell wrote:
I come from a long line of missing father figures. I knew my mother's father for quite some years, but he expressed mostly gentleness and it was rare for me to see him acting as a father figure to me when I spent time with him. Of course he probably thought that was my own father's place, but there's where it gets rough. (I also have a relatively close maternal uncle, who I believe also thinks it is my father's place to teach me. (By being there? I have no idea if that matters.))
My father's father's father died when his son was very young. The son, my father's father, then grew up, under whose guidance I can't be certain as I have not spent much time talking to him. What I do know about my father's father is that he spent a lot of time away from his young children chasing personal dreams or personal interests, not in the name of family economics, but in the name of what he perceived to be a greater good.
My father, growing up as I will, probably has only a small idea of the typical father-son relationship. He left when I was roughly 15, and lives far away.
My question is, what do you suggest I do? I want to be able to have children and hopefully be a good father figure, but I'm not sure it's in my genetics. I don't know of a time when my father's line had a father-son relationship.
When I was a child, like five years and younger, my relationship with my father was very caring, in that my father doted on me like his adored baby. But very shortly after, I didn't see him very much because he was working all the time. I could still feel his presence in the household, in terms of him being the final authority figure, but for the most part, I think as boys, it is the love of our mothers that builds our confidence, but as boys becoming men, we need some idea of what direction to go,- meaning in what kind of man should we be.
In some very primal way, we have it in our genetics as men, to know that we are to be the protectors, but in how we express this, I think this is what we most get out of our fathers. My father was hard man to me, his feelings on raising me after I was five was that it was time to grow up. He grew up knowing the Korea war when he was the start of being a teenager,so for him there was never an illusion that life as a man was simply just making a living, but that shit happens and so it seemed as though from one day I was the adored baby to the next day in military boot camp.
My father and I had a very bad relationship in that I didn't understand him at all and he thought I was too much of a pussy and also too arrogant. A pussy being that I didn't follow through enough in his view. I remember going to my university orientation with my mother and I was having lunch with my mother and she said,' Your Father hopes that you will do well', I said, 'My Father knows nothing about how I will do,' and my mother said, 'you don't know your Father's intentions, he never said how proud of you he is because he wanted to to simply stand on your own, the world isn't fair and is only more difficult and he wanted to prepare you in the way he knows,' and I said, 'by being cold, critical and judging everything I've done as subpar?'. Then my mother snapped at me and said,' you don't know how good of a man your Father is, how many men like him are as principled and never complains and endures all.' And I didn't quite realize it at the time, but my Father's role in my life was to be an example of how I should react/endure/act rather than a source of my own confidence or someone to confide in.
Now this may seem all very barbaric, but when I was 21, I had massive fight with my father, on what he thought was best for me and what I thought was best for me, we didn't speak one word to each other for 8 months and we lived in the same house By the end of that year I was in Korea, playing rugby and doing my masters and was simply fully on my own. I didn't ask for assistance, I paid my own way, and there were so many instances where I was in a position of sole responsibility and also having to interact with many senior business people - and then my natural inclination was to act in the way consistent with the way I knew my Father to be and then I understood what he had tried to do.
I've met many charmers, many men that I thought were better than my own father, but in the end, it was the true strength of character of my father as my example which I've finally understood. My relationship with my father by the time I was 28 became the same as when I was 5, we are close, I think he felt that I finally grew into the man he wanted me to be.
The point of this story is that, at a basic level, the Father's role is be an example of how we express ourselves, deal with certain situations, but for the most part in ensuring that we are prepared to stand on our two feet and take it on alone when we need to. I think the mother is a far more central figure growing up, but its kind of like the micro and macro, where the mother is the micro and for the most part, its more than enough, but the little bit of macro- in terms of which direction or what kind of example of a man we feel comfortable to grow into- it's not a role that is that is as time intensive and it's also not a role where it is exclusive to our own fathers. Where it be your captain of your sports team, your coach, your boss, but an authority figure in how we think we should exercise and express our own authority. In someways it can be better than simply having an abusive father and thinking that that is what you will end up with, but I'd say I've met men who because the father's were abusive, they were the opposite having protected their mother and siblings and are aware that maybe that is something in them too, but they refuse to give it a chance.
So, the fact that it concerns you, and I'm telling you, it's not as involved as you think it is, in terms that as a Father figure we are not there to coddle, rather, we are there to set a general example or template and also provide guidance when our sons are at some crossroads. The advice you get from a man vs a woman can be totally different and as long as you there to provide it when it's time, the rest is all extra. I mean we yearn to admire and respect other great men and I think it starts with our father or father figures, but as men, at the end of the day, we are equipped to move forward on our own, but it is such a blessing to know that there is someone we can talk with that will give us this man to man guidance of someone who genuinely cares about us growing to be a good man. You'll be good if only because you're aware. ^^
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 13 2014 05:14 pink_moon wrote:I see from your side clearly. I'm Korean too, and unlike you I'm not pulling societal observations out of sweeping generalizations from anecdotes, I've studied Korean psychology, sociology, and gender studies extensively. (Just google any of the dozens of studies on the topics). I know what I'm talking about, I'm not challenging you on how Korean business work. Your only point in difference between men and women are that men serve in combat, but what's wrong with women in combat roles exactly? Israel does it fine. Yet you hold the same values that women are these weak, creatures that the men must defend. Ideally, mandatory conscription should and will be done away with. If your only justification of sexism is military, your argument becomes less and less relevant in an era of push button war. Physical strength means less everyday. Yet what of every other facets of society where military isn't relevant. How do you explain the massive difference in how men and women are treated? How would you justify the completely different way boys and girls are treated as children, where boys are pushed into careers and becoming great. While girls are pushed into being dolls and wives for the great men? All this because boys are physically a little stronger than girls. Do you really believe the complete dominance of men in arts and sciences (or all fields) throughout history is just "biologically nature?" That societal roles don't play a role in oppressing women and depriving the country of what could have been brilliant female lawyers, scientists, writers, professors? If you still deny that sexism exists or sexism doesn't hurt millions of girls, I'm curious to know if you ever found sexism to be a problem. How about 50 years ago? 100? At what point exactly in history did you get complacent with the right amount of sexism in society? Show nested quote + but are you also going to say that Korean women don't also play the gender role as well?
No of course not. That's called internalized misogyny. Where they accept sexism and don't find anything wrong whenever they see men being breadwinners, center pieces, protagonists while they serve as support, the side piece. Where women feel that their life's goal is to be a good mother and a wife, instead of their own individual human beings with ambitions and dreams. Take a break from gaming and read some works of literature like the Doll's House by Hedda Gabler or some Virginia Woolf Show nested quote +Why not give me be the benefit of the doubt here? I do not call people pussies as a female adjective nor cunt Yeah except it's not up to you what the words mean. This is not how language works. Terms like pussy and cunts, female gendered slurs have been historically used to dehumanize and oppress women. Ever wonder why cunt is a lot worse than dick? It's because men have never been reduced to their genital in history, ever. Women have been through massive rapes, forced prostitution, and sexual slavery (you're Korean you should know this) where they been yelled at by those words to denote that they're valued only for their genitals. When you call someone a pussy, you're essentially saying, stop being weak and feminine. Of course it's offensive to women regardless of your "noble" intentions behind those words, especially in an open forum like the internet. You can't call your friends faggot for acting silly then act surprised when gay people find it offensive. Show nested quote +I will say it, and all Korean men will agree with me, Korean women are our goddesses, we don't deserve them, they are better than us, they are stronger than us, but we will protect them because we cherish them, we adore them, and we will not fail them, they are our hearts, and we are their shields This is the exact mentality you're not getting. This is still horribly sexist no matter how positive you think this is. Men and women are both human beings. You shouldn't worship women. You shouldn't view them as pretty objects or treasure to protect. You should view them as fellow human beings, EQUAL to men. A woman should be able to play the role of the shield in a relationship. A man should be able to play the role of the heart. Lesbians and ones not interested in relationships should still be able to assert their own individuality without deriving their worth and value from a relationship with a man. All of this directly contribute to sexist notions where women obsess over physical appearance and derive their value in finding a relationship You seem like a decent guy, and I admire your effort to rationalize the sexist and patriarchal beliefs you hold. Just know, in the Western world, Korea is socially backwards 50 years in treatment of women and treatment of LGBT. In the academic world, even further along back (so is everywhere else). Don't be too offended at the idea that this is changing with the younger generation, you're not intentionally being a sexist you just hold the same values as the older generation. Obviously you love women, but you're still incapable of understanding why conservative Korean values hurt contribute to sexism and discrimination. You keep talking about your great ability to see both sides, but you sure are getting offended at seeing things from another side. I'm sorry to tell you but you're indeed delusional if you don't understand how social progress work and you don't realize why the next generation finds yours to be sexist and oppressive, while the next next one will view you guys the same way we viewed white people during segregation and jim crow laws as racist. It's just how it works. Just realize it's okay to love your country and realize it's not above criticism. Every society is. It's a human cultural weakness to have their values challenged, but I'm hoping you can pick up what I'm saying here. in your reply, please don't write so long. excess isn't the same thing as a good argument. try to be more concise to save both our times.
Well, I had hoped for a response without the personal insults, etc, but since you write and think like an undergraduate, it was just a hope.
I wish you the best in all your endeavors, reply or not, I'm not going to bother further as it is a waste of time for both of us. Your intention is to pick a fight by coming into this thread. This was never an argument or a rational, you ranted a series of rhetorical questions, I took my time to try to turn this into something productive, and you've once again replied with common knowledge and insults as well as dismissing my points instead of addressing them and added no personal insight. I'm not offended about what you want to say as I realize your intention, but I am offended by how rude you are.
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I'm sorry how exactly was my reply any more rude than your condescending reply? Because I used concepts you can't understand? Even though you had the exact same implication that I was incapable of understanding your view? It's okay, I'm not quite surprised you are reverting to tone fallacy and choosing to attack my tone instead of the content, as you can't just write essays of just "men are mennnn1!" and shitty anecdotes justifying sexism.
Nice typical ageism by the way. I'm sorry I sound like I've received undergraduate education. Was I talking to someone with a doctorate or something? Also if that was an ad hominem against college aged, youth, then the irony is just too hilarious. Who do you think you're exactly preaching and sharing your "wisdom" to here on TL? Why would anyone else even care to respond to your life stories and blogs? At the same time, you seem to be very anti-intellectual, not that I'm surprised in the least bit. Do you also just accuse other people of being too rude when they try to convince you that the earth isn't 6000 years old?
I also wish you the best in all your endeavors, even though there were no personal attacks in the post. If anything my first post was a lot more angrier. I'm sincerely sorry I've offended you in what you perceive to be personal attacks. If you were confused about the post, I would be happy to explain some of the concepts in depths to make it easier for you to understand.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 13 2014 07:11 sabas123 wrote:Hello atom So far I only have read a few pages, so sorry if this question has already been asked:D but it has been an incredable read so far. My biggest question that keeps getting to mind when I read your awnser is what has let you too this sense of self that you currently have? Also this type of ego you seem to have is quite strong, but at the same time it seems to me it is a really fixed state of mind that sometimes lack to abilty to get into a calm state. I don't mean this as in aggresion but rather that it is hard to incorperate both mind and emotion at the same time. Do you agree with this? I'm still quite young so forgive me incase I just don't make any sense at allXD
You make perfect sense, unless we are both nuts ^^
Well, in terms of the strength of self, it comes from taking on challenges and failing and then ending up better than the start, then repeating this over and over again. A lot of conflict, meaning, not fighting everything and anyone, but not accepting the status quo or simply letting things pass. But also really being humbled and then challenging based not on what I think I know, but on what I really do know. There is a common saying that once you really understand how little you know, then really are starting to learn.
But in terms of my ego, when you're younger it is at times very forced, very true, and sometimes when you let your ego down, you also lose your sense of self, and other times you're attacked and the ego goes into overdrive to be aggressive to assert itself or else you are defeated and your ego slowly reforms. But what is ego, it must be based on your actual personality and capabilities; these never go away, but it is our ego that give strength to express and articulate it.
But when the ego reforms after being decimated, - the expression of ego is less an idea of your image or force of will or recklessness of your impulses and becomes more closely just an extension of your self- when you're at your best.
At one point in my life, before I entered seminary, I had achieved a sense of just the mind expressing my ego. It was quite a nice experience, but while my life was peaceful, I personally missed the raw emotion of the ego -which is the part that usually got me into trouble, but which gave me a great deal of passion that instead of feeling that I was observing life, rather that I was living life.
But when you're young, under 20, its all emotional ego, and when you get a bit older, you can start to make a choice, but as humans, we are all things, emotion, mind and the physical at the same time simultaneous and in terms of our ego, unless all 3 are expressed simultaneously (even if the degrees are different), then we are never truly expressing ourselves and the chance to really interact with the world fully. But we mature and focus on those different parts at different times.
Eventually you do get to a 'fixed state' and it is easy to go on autopilot. But to say at plus 35, keeping an open mind, isn't as easy as it sounds because at my age of 39, I write white papers for gov't considerations, it will be rare for me to simply learn something from casual conversation like it would have been when I was in my late teens or early 20's. Rather, if I can say that I am still learning something, not just facts, but really gaining in perspective, then I think, inasmuch as you can, achieved a level of ego/self development where there is ability to catch yourself, and enter into calm state to reflect instead of an automated answer based on just your experience and fixed ego state.
But, I would say, for things like this, do not think too much about it directly, rather focus on holding yourself back from making emotional rash decisions, take the time to reflect by reading a lot of books and take on new challenges and let things naturally happen.
On as last note, when you're about your mid-twenties I think is the real danger zone for most people where they can still develop their sense of ego, but instead, become totally dependent upon their ego and their personal maturity and development freezes right there, or after you get married and have kids, and then you're basically stuck at mid-20's ego development. That the depth of your personality and grow has stopped there, you look older, you act older, but your not any wiser or insightful than you were in your mid-twenties. Experience may teach you not to make the same mistake, but its only reflection and learning which allow you really take on new challenges.
^^
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No question here. Just wanted to say thanks for all your blog posts in the past years. Has helped me in more ways than one!
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thanks for the awnser hyung~~
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Hello hyung! ^^
In the past I was very lazy and my parents did a very poor job of raising me due to drug addiction. I've overcome my emotional scars and I'm ready to move forward. I've always found solace in competition, because it's something I have control over. This made me grow to love starcraft and other competitive games, but now I've grown much older and have set my sights to the future. I find the competitive nature of business to be very exciting, particularly strategy. I've started school finally at the age of 24, but in the past I've had very bad grades and neglected my future completely. I truly believe I have it in me to create a future for myself with my current ambitions, but my problem is that I know it's almost impossible to get into a good school. I still try my hardest to get the most out of my experience in schooling and try to really absorb as much as I can from my professors.
I've really turned my life around, but I know that without proper tutelage I won't be equipped enough to handle my dreams. I just wanted to ask if you have any advice for how to create a career from this position and if you can a business strategy reading list. There are so many books that come out every week it feels almost impossible to overcome it all and my text books are still very basic, I already finished reading them a week ago and have two and a half months left of this semester. Perhaps much more importantly, what should I be doing to make the best of myself where I am now?
EDIT: Seems from the titles of many of your older blogs they would be perfect reading for me but they are gone now. I'm sure you have your reasons but that bums me out and I hope that you will be ok with posting an answer for me even if you don't like your old advice for some reason.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 14 2014 14:08 Misanthrope wrote:
Hello hyung! ^^
In the past I was very lazy and my parents did a very poor job of raising me due to drug addiction. I've overcome my emotional scars and I'm ready to move forward. I've always found solace in competition, because it's something I have control over. This made me grow to love starcraft and other competitive games, but now I've grown much older and have set my sights to the future. I find the competitive nature of business to be very exciting, particularly strategy. I've started school finally at the age of 24, but in the past I've had very bad grades and neglected my future completely. I truly believe I have it in me to create a future for myself with my current ambitions, but my problem is that I know it's almost impossible to get into a good school. I still try my hardest to get the most out of my experience in schooling and try to really absorb as much as I can from my professors.
I've really turned my life around, but I know that without proper tutelage I won't be equipped enough to handle my dreams. I just wanted to ask if you have any advice for how to create a career from this position and if you can a business strategy reading list. There are so many books that come out every week it feels almost impossible to overcome it all and my text books are still very basic, I already finished reading them a week ago and have two and a half months left of this semester. Perhaps much more importantly, what should I be doing to make the best of myself where I am now?
EDIT: Seems from the titles of many of your older blogs they would be perfect reading for me but they are gone now. I'm sure you have your reasons but that bums me out and I hope that you will be ok with posting an answer for me even if you don't like your old advice for some reason.
Just for you ^^
Start with these first;
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=161974#1
Being Competitive Part 1
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=162015#1
Being Competitive Part 2
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=163439#1
Being Competitive Part 3: Confidence
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=165745#1
Being Competitive Part 4: Discipline
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=147290#1
QuickStart Guide Individual Business Development B
(why I took these down was critism from my primary investor at the time why would I share such info in a public domain after I had been exposed by some industry fucker who found this blog, but its been a lot time now and I'm no longer with that group, but I've learned to be more careful.)
The most important thing in business isn't your background, it is all about your results and getting results and of course key to that is having the right tutors to make sure you zone in and focus.
But you are a man after my own heart.
Read this first as just a framework;
Go to the library, read fortune magazine from 2000-2014 (you can skip years 2008-2009, pretty depressing),
Read them cover to cover, I'm not kidding.
Fuck the good school, be the top in your class, just be the undisputed best in your class,
Man, one of the richest men in the world lives in Omaha.
Then find every Harvard Business School case study, just read as many as you can get your hands on; don't worry about answering them, but looking at what they are asking - but read the magazines first.
Business guys love to look for guys that they can mold into their own protege, just get into a reputable firm, large or small does't matter and just wreak it.
Do the above, and get back to me after you at least finish the magazine readings. ^^
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On February 14 2014 16:27 MightyAtom wrote:Show nested quote +On February 14 2014 14:08 Misanthrope wrote:
Hello hyung! ^^
In the past I was very lazy and my parents did a very poor job of raising me due to drug addiction. I've overcome my emotional scars and I'm ready to move forward. I've always found solace in competition, because it's something I have control over. This made me grow to love starcraft and other competitive games, but now I've grown much older and have set my sights to the future. I find the competitive nature of business to be very exciting, particularly strategy. I've started school finally at the age of 24, but in the past I've had very bad grades and neglected my future completely. I truly believe I have it in me to create a future for myself with my current ambitions, but my problem is that I know it's almost impossible to get into a good school. I still try my hardest to get the most out of my experience in schooling and try to really absorb as much as I can from my professors.
I've really turned my life around, but I know that without proper tutelage I won't be equipped enough to handle my dreams. I just wanted to ask if you have any advice for how to create a career from this position and if you can a business strategy reading list. There are so many books that come out every week it feels almost impossible to overcome it all and my text books are still very basic, I already finished reading them a week ago and have two and a half months left of this semester. Perhaps much more importantly, what should I be doing to make the best of myself where I am now?
EDIT: Seems from the titles of many of your older blogs they would be perfect reading for me but they are gone now. I'm sure you have your reasons but that bums me out and I hope that you will be ok with posting an answer for me even if you don't like your old advice for some reason. Just for you ^^ Start with these first; http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=161974#1Being Competitive Part 1 http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=162015#1Being Competitive Part 2 http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=163439#1Being Competitive Part 3: Confidence http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=165745#1Being Competitive Part 4: Discipline http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=147290#1QuickStart Guide Individual Business Development B (why I took these down was critism from my primary investor at the time why would I share such info in a public domain after I had been exposed by some industry fucker who found this blog, but its been a lot time now and I'm no longer with that group, but I've learned to be more careful.) The most important thing in business isn't your background, it is all about your results and getting results and of course key to that is having the right tutors to make sure you zone in and focus. But you are a man after my own heart. Read this first as just a framework; Go to the library, read fortune magazine from 2000-2014 (you can skip years 2008-2009, pretty depressing), Read them cover to cover, I'm not kidding. Fuck the good school, be the top in your class, just be the undisputed best in your class, Man, one of the richest men in the world lives in Omaha. Then find every Harvard Business School case study, just read as many as you can get your hands on; don't worry about answering them, but looking at what they are asking - but read the magazines first. Business guys love to look for guys that they can mold into their own protege, just get into a reputable firm, large or small does't matter and just wreak it. Do the above, and get back to me after you at least finish the magazine readings. ^^
This means so much to me, thank you so much. I feel like I have a very strong goal for the immediate future and that is so important so as not to get lost and become aimless once again. I copied these blogs into a word doc which I will always keep private so if you need to you can take them down once again. Thank you again so much hyung. I will let you know as soon as I finish! ^^
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Hi hyung, what music do you listen to?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 16 2014 06:45 hellokitty[hk] wrote:
Hi hyung, what music do you listen to?
Honestly, I used to be really elitist when it came to music, when I was a kid from 12-19, I loved 'alternative' (it actually meant something back then) like Echo and the Bunny Men, Pixies, RadioHead, etc, and British pop like Pulp, and of course grunge, you know it was for me, what was formative in my high school years 89-93'. By the end of high school I was into 'progressive house' (lol another term that meant something at the time, but doesn't now), meaning more progressive than house in terms of speed of tempo, variations, kinda boarderline trance, and I think there was overlap, but it wasn't like hardcore techno, -house but with more of an symphonic type of progression rather than the same beats 93'-97'. But then that also went super mainstream like alternative and everyone was dropping 4 e's a night, so by the end of university, I just loved R&B, but by 2002, I basically listen to everything; when I was kid l love anything classical majestic symphonies etc but I guess it was because I played piano and was in choir ^^; now I just appreciate any music as long as it makes me feel good. ^^
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Happy New Year Hyung,
You've said guys with friends that are girls are pussies. Besides professional 'friends', when are friendships between guys and girls acceptable?
Also, from a purely monetary perspective, which do you think is easier, finance or medicine (in US), if you're starting from scratch?
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Can you give me a list of great reads? Books that made an impact in your perception of the world / provide clarity in thinking , preferably developmental books / historical auto over classic storybooks like A Tale of Two Cities.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 15 2014 11:22 SkyLegenD wrote:
Happy New Year Hyung,
You've said guys with friends that are girls are pussies. Besides professional 'friends', when are friendships between guys and girls acceptable?
Also, from a purely monetary perspective, which do you think is easier, finance or medicine (in US), if you're starting from scratch?
^^
The only time when friendship between guys and girls is if it is your sister-in-law or your wives or buddy's wives and I'm still taking about being in a group meeting.
When you're older, you barely have enough time to hang out with your good friends, usually your work friends replace your good friends and you'd rather spend time with your kids than friends, so the entire girl friend thing simply isn't an issue.
But from a Korean man's point of view, unless she is an older 'nuunah' from way back, it is almost never really acceptable to have a close girlfriend other than your wife, sister-in-law etc.
Wow. Finance and Medicine are two totally different fields; I'd have to say finance is easier, but if you don't have the right background or mindset- in the long run, it will be tough and after 2008 the finance market isn't the same easy gains as it use to. And medicine, if you love it, go for it, but its for security and it's a matter of focusing immensely for those years of study but then you're relatively stress free whereas with finance the stress never stops until you retire at age 40ish.
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EPT
