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No offense but each time I read your stories I picture you as him lol.
Your most embarrassing story - Page 10
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dan1st
Malaysia399 Posts
No offense but each time I read your stories I picture you as him lol. | ||
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FJ
United Kingdom321 Posts
On August 15 2011 23:38 traxdatacd wrote: i expected the cute girl to be a cute boy...as is known to happen in filipines and thailand:D That happened to me once haha It is written here I think. | ||
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FJ
United Kingdom321 Posts
On August 16 2011 01:29 dan1st wrote: FJ is this you? No offense but each time I read your stories I picture you as him lol. Nah, I am way cooler than Simon Pegg. | ||
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Justjealouse
United States36 Posts
Plus half these encounters are so spontaneous that unless you're carrying an emergency condom at all times im pretty sure you wouldnt be prepared for them.. | ||
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Yung
United States727 Posts
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FJ
United Kingdom321 Posts
On August 16 2011 02:33 Justjealouse wrote: FJ how do you not have stds by now? You mostly hang out with some of the poorest people in the country and i doubt all those chicks you bang are virgins... Plus half these encounters are so spontaneous that unless you're carrying an emergency condom at all times im pretty sure you wouldnt be prepared for them.. Good question  1. I do have a condom in my wallet It's always good to stay safe haha2. To get a resident visa in the UAE, you must first take and pass some medical tests. So if you have an STD, you're not allowed to stay in the country. If you catch one, and go to the hospital and they diagnose you with an STD, they will likely kick you out. If you're giving birth, they will not help without a copy of your marriage certificate on hand. Sometimes they might help you, but handcuff you to the bed until your husband shows up. 3. I don't really target the 'cheap' ones. I know that's an off word to chose considering how little they earn, but still. I don't go to the back alley, seedy places. So it is not as if I am getting into the bed of the girl who has been around the town twice. In most situations, since they earn so little, they don't go out a great deal. They're probably the poorest people in the world. It is sad, I am on less than minimum wage by western standards, yet I earn 5x what some of the Filipinos earn. Plus they work a hell of a lot more. My ex was on way way way less than me. She work 12-15 hours shifts a day, and was only allowed a day off if and when. She was lucky to get 3 days off a month. She also sent the majority of her money home. But, they make do, and they're the most lovely people you can ever hope to meet. Nothing seems to stop them having a good time and smiling. But I am cautious, I do have protection on me. If I go to the club I make sure to have 1 or 2 in my wallet. Obviously I had them at home for the story with the maid's daughter haha. In my wallet, apart from the normal things (Cash, ID, liecese etc) I have, 4 copies of my passport (1 fake age for fake id lol) and about 10 passport sized photos of myself, also a card with some numbers on it. You know, just in case. | ||
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tl4life
Canada247 Posts
big time fail | ||
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marcesr
Germany1383 Posts
On August 16 2011 02:54 tl4life wrote: First time I went to an urinal I pulled down my pants completely... big time fail hahahahaha xd | ||
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hamachisan
United States52 Posts
On August 16 2011 02:54 tl4life wrote: First time I went to an urinal I pulled down my pants completely... big time fail LOL! You did the "retard pulldown"?! All the special ed kids would do it at my high school. Super awkward if you happen to be in the urinal right next to them. =o | ||
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couches
618 Posts
On August 16 2011 02:33 Justjealouse wrote: FJ how do you not have stds by now? You mostly hang out with some of the poorest people in the country and i doubt all those chicks you bang are virgins... Plus half these encounters are so spontaneous that unless you're carrying an emergency condom at all times im pretty sure you wouldnt be prepared for them.. Gotta be equipped dude, carry protection, look out for yourself. On August 16 2011 03:21 hamachisan wrote: LOL! You did the "retard pulldown"?! All the special ed kids would do it at my high school. Super awkward if you happen to be in the urinal right next to them. =o Not a story about me but well. I was at a Panthers football game two seasons ago and during the half time urinal rush I saw an old dude do the retard pull down. You know, in a bathroom that probably had 30 some people in it with twice as many in line out the door. yea... | ||
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ChinaLifeXXL
United States365 Posts
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sluggaslamoo
Australia4494 Posts
On August 14 2011 12:27 Ixirawr wrote: Once, while going down on a girl, I discovered in a very unpleasant way that she wipes in a downwards direction. On August 14 2011 11:15 Ubertron wrote: Was going to see my old band play but was rather bitter about being kicked out so started drinking heavily. I'm not a malicious drunk by any means, merely idiotic. We ended up in some hotel trying to prise open some shutters with the rationale being 'Oh, well we can pour our own and pay in reception'. Security evidently didn't share our belief that this was a good idea so we got chased out of the place My next brainwave was that I would scale some 8 foot high fences and hide out in a park overnight, but sadly I managed to impale my scrotum on said fence, puncturing it. The alcohol masked this pain so I didn't notice until 3pm the next day, but it was still somewhat inconvenient. My friends were also somewhat too drunk to help me so we had to rely on a friendly German passer-by to rescue me Next day upon noticing my injury I rang my friend to speak to his mum (who is a nurse) and despite her laughs got some solid medical advice. I decided, being still a bit loaded that I would make it into work and upon being quizzed about my peculiar walking stance explained the story Sadly I have been a complete joke in my workplace since this, possibly not without reason Oh and to add even more horror I had some girl travelling up from Dublin who for some strange reason wanted to have sex with me, she also had that like 4 day stubble down below, I swear to god the discomfort of fucking under those conditions has scarred me to this day ahahahahahahaha oh man. This thread made my day. FJ winning so far. | ||
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Manex
Australia156 Posts
In any case, on to my story, since this is my first post im not going to go all out or anything. With my current girlfriend her family and i get along very well, her dad got her into playing starcraft when she was young and she in turn converted me when i met her in year 8. Anyway, one day after we had only been going out for about a month or so, we were just cuddling in her bed without realising that her extended family had come over (relative birthday i think) and when i say i cuddling i really do mean just that, clothes on nothing dodgy or sexual at all. So her dad comes in and sees us cuddling, but under the covers and just assumes and announces 'oh, Manex (obvious switch with id, muahahah) you're busy getting a blowjob, ill come back later' so he leaves while were staring at the door dumbfounded to hear him announce to her family that well be out after ive finished receiving head. I think i tried to explain it was a mistake, but to no avail. oh well, we still get along great in spite of minor mishaps like that. | ||
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NoRacial
Canada18 Posts
A embarrassing moment of mine happened recently when I went on vacation to Montreal, a French-Canadian city in Canada. I was day dreaming in the car, about what I forgot I think it was about some girl when I realized that I had to take a huge ass piss. I've never had to take a bigger piss in my entire life. This was with my dad, sister, grandpa, and my grandpa's sister. Ever get that feeling that the closer you are to the destination you needed to get to while needing to take a piss makes it harder and harder for you to hold it in? Well at the same time we got loss trying to find the hotel we were staying at and we had to ask another person for directions which made my situation worse. So when I got to the hotel I literally ran to the elevator jogging up and down. I was already midway pissing in my pants before I got to the toilet. I had to change my pants and when I got back in the car i had the feeling of " shit did they know I just pissed in my pants"? Sad day sad day rofl. | ||
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FJ
United Kingdom321 Posts
On August 16 2011 05:53 NoRacial wrote: FJ you're the best man these stories are so f---ing hilarious. A embarrassing moment of mine happened recently when I went on vacation to Montreal, a French-Canadian city in Canada. I was day dreaming in the car, about what I forgot I think it was about some girl when I realized that I had to take a huge ass piss. I've never had to take a bigger piss in my entire life. This was with my dad, sister, grandpa, and my grandpa's sister. Ever get that feeling that the closer you are to the destination you needed to get to while needing to take a piss makes it harder and harder for you to hold it in? Well at the same time we got loss trying to find the hotel we were staying at and we had to ask another person for directions which made my situation worse. So when I got to the hotel I literally ran to the elevator jogging up and down. I was already midway pissing in my pants before I got to the toilet. I had to change my pants and when I got back in the car i had the feeling of " shit did they know I just pissed in my pants"? Sad day sad day rofl. haha, thank you. You should read my tumblr (shameless I know haha )That's really bad. I am bad in cars, I always seem to want a piss in them. I was once driving to Ferrari world in Abu Dhabi with my friends, and I super needed a piss along the way. I thought I could hold it, but it got worse and worse and worse. I came to the stage I had to pull over. So I pull over for a piss, but there is a wall along the motorway, so I was right in the open, everyone could see. I tried to shelter myself with my car as best I could. Turns out a police car was passing buy and pulls up. Then two arab men get out and walk over while I'm having a piss. 'Excuse me sir, what are you doing?' They started questioning me, but it just wouldn't stop haha. They just stood there and watched for a LOOONG 20 or so seconds. Now, the police don't like the Filipinos much. So we spent the next hour under investigation, having to give out all our details and ID's and things. In the end I got a 200dhm fine, but I bargained it to nothing, win. But having them watch me piss, then explain why I was pissing was really embarrassing. Sadly, it wasn't the first time the police had told me off for pissing in public haha | ||
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Ryndika
1489 Posts
... If that isn't too much asked =)) | ||
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FJ
United Kingdom321 Posts
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PaPoolee
United Arab Emirates660 Posts
On August 13 2011 21:20 amd098 wrote: having spent 6 months in the mid east, his stories dont even lol me, its common you get the super rich and the ultra poor, lamborghini is as common as honda pretty much a bunch of people got lucky on oil and now live the rich life without having any idea of what to do with their money Well that's a nice thing to say... anyway i live in the U.A.E and I've only seen a couple of Lamborghini's my whole time here, so I don't know what you're talking about! also, we don't have "princesses" here either. You're also not allowed to eat dog meat here by law, so I don't know where/how you got it from when you "bought" it, sorry but most of these stories i have a hard time believing since I'm half local and lived here most of my life. Sorry for sounding rude, but I'm just trying to believe you, could you also say how you bargained your way out of a 200 dh fine? you have to go to court if you have any objections against the fine! | ||
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zipz0p
United States123 Posts
On August 16 2011 01:29 dan1st wrote: FJ is this you? No offense but each time I read your stories I picture you as him lol. Holy shit... it's not only me! I had the same image in my head the whole time! | ||
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57 Corvette
Canada5941 Posts
*facedesk* | ||
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