Sometimes, it's good to reflect on ourselves, the good and the bad.
It thought we should share our embarrassing moments with each other, reflect on them, and be amused at ourselves, and each others stories. Compare and enjoy them. I know I have TONS of stories.
So lets hear it, what is an embarrassing chapter of your life?
One to kick things off, it is a bit of a read, but SUPER embarrassing.
A good friend of mine, Clair, called me at work one Friday and asked if I wanted to go to a party in the next town over. She told me that it is her cousins birthday. I have never met this cousin, or her house mates, but I was invited to the party, and since it is the next town over, I was allowed to stay there the night.
So things were set, and we got in my car after work with an overnight bag, and a bottle of vodka, and went to the party.
Now, I live in the Middle East, where lots of Filipino workers stay. They are poor people and make the best of the situation. So the birthday girl lives in a one bedroom apartment with 12-15 other people, and they all share one room with bunk beds.
So I got to the party, and there are two interesting characters there. 1. An overly homosexual, in-your-face gay guy. You know the type. He called him self Alice. The second a beautiful Filipina girl who lives in the house.
The gay guy was all over me that night, touching me, trying to dance with me, he really fancied me. The girl was hot, and after a few drinks we really hit it off, and I spent the night dancing with her, things were going well with this girl.
So, the party ends, we all head for bed, and I am sooo drunk to say the least. So I am in this girls bed (yes, in the room full of people) and we are kissing and I am drunkenly trying to remove her bra. Now, I can't remember exactly who went first, but we both just vomited. We were sick everywhere.
A couple of her friends help her to the bathroom and clean her up, everyone else was asleep and I am left to be aided by the gay guy.
So I am super drunk remember, but he removes all of my clothes and gives me a 'good' cleaning, not leaving even a bit of vomit or dirt, then dresses me in fresh clothes.
Now, the bed I was going to sleep in is now taken, the girls bed is full of sick, so I just slept in the gay guys bed as he was in the bathroom cleaning the worst off of my clothes.
The next day I wake up, in the arms of this guy, everyone is laughing at me, and despite my memory of them being asleep, they have a bunch of videos and pictures to remind me of this moment.
So I somehow went from a good time with a hot asian girl, to being spooned in the arms of a gay asian cross dresser called Alice..
I didn't want to look at all the photos. I stopped looking at them after I saw his tongue in my ear....I didn't want too see the rest, and I am glad there is no memory of it!
So I am hoping we can have a good laugh at this, and share some of our own stories.
When I was in the 7th grade and Tear-away pants were still cool, I jumped off of a swing, but my pants got caught in the chain, and I went flying through the air in my tighty-whities
edit: I guess this isn't my MOST embarassing story, but I'm gonna wait to see what other people post before I start dropping better ones
Haha, those pants were an embarrassment in their own right haha.
Cmon, I shared how I got, in the eyes of some governments, sexually molested by an Asian cross dresser.
Ok, here is another one.
So I went to the supermarket, and I saw this cute girl at the cash desk. She was from the Philippines, and super beautiful. So I shyly waited in que and had a quick chat with her. I could feel there was a little something there.
So I told a filipino friend about this meeting, and asked if there was anything I can say to her in Tagalog that might impress her. So my friend gave me a phrase, and said it is an expression that means something like 'I think you have beautiful eyes' and she explained Filipinos quite like eyes.
So I spent the night committing this phrase to memory and practicing my pronunciation. I built up some confidence and went back to the store just to speak to her again.
I waited in que behind a couple of other customers and she saw me and gave me a smile.
Wow, I could tell this was going well already, she seemed genuinely happy to see I came back.
I waited for what seemed like a LOOOONG time for my turn to have my items scanned. I repeated this phrase a dozen times in my head while waiting.
It gets to my turn and she smiles at me and says 'Hi! I'm happy to see you again'
I was nervous, I couldn't even greet her, I just went blank. In my nerves, I just straight away said this phrase to her.
She gasps, puts her hands to her mouth and shouts 'What the!' then she slaps me in the face, and calls me a pervert, and I get escorted out the shop by the security guard near the door.
Turns out I asked if I could feel up her tits.....
Was in gym class this one time and getting changed and my wang was hanging out my boxers... everyone noticed and was like "oh my days dude put it away!"
I was in a club, and I got to dancing with this beautiful girl. Things were going well, and she asked me back to her place
So I get to her villa and she walks me through to her room.......
I walk in the room, and it is a small fridge, a wardrobe and 4 bunk beds. There are a few people asleep and 2 girls playing cards on the floor.
This girl kisses me, and then suggests we go to her bed, which is the top bunk, with a girl sleeping below her.
So, I have had a few, and think, screw it, lets do this even with the people in the room.
So I climb over this girl, close the curtain around her bed, and don't hold back at all.
Halfway through the act, another room mate walks in the room and opens the curtain to reveal us both....... It was really embarrassing.....
I just decided to leave. I put on some boxer shorts, and grab my clothes and leave the room, only to walk into a lounge area with about 20 people who all just stare at me. I had to walk around all these staring eyes, in my boxers and get to the front door. I couldn't open it, I had to ask for help, and reluctantly a girl comes over and helps me out with the door.
I did look up the older threads, but one was specific about things at school, at some not been posted on for several years. A lot has happened since then, and we have all new members.
On August 13 2011 04:32 Condor Hero wrote: How does this shit keep happening to you lol
Haha, I have no idea. I kinda of follow that film 'yes man' I just accept invites and don't say no to a lot of things.
So I once dated a Filipina girl, she was very pretty, and also poor. She lived in a villa with, and I kid you not, 70-80 people at one time. The house was divded up with fake walls and partitions. The house became a maze of curtain walls, ply wood, with bunk beds and storage everywhere.
The sad truth is, a lot of Filipinos, and people live like that is this country, and they can be a source of crime (Alcohol and contraband and also keeping people who havn't got their paper work in order.) The police, every so often, just raid the house.
So I was in the house one night, in her bed, and we were, you know.....
Then, this woman runs into the room, and once again I have the curtain around the bed pulled open in the middle of this act!! But that wasn't the worst bit. The woman was the landlord who just explained the police are raiding the street and they are in the house!.
Now I have everything in order, but in a muslim country, you are not allowed to live with a girl you're not married to. I wouldn't have gotten into a lot of trouble, but being caught in her bedroom, even with clothes on, would lead to an investigation against me, I just don't want to deal with that.
So we both quickly had to throw our clothes on, but no time!
So I put on some boxers, grab my pants and shirt and get lead out of the back door, around the corner and I am told to wait in this court yard of a near by house.
So I am stood there, middle of the night, in my underwear, pulled from the act. Around me are like 4 other guys, and a couple of girls in a similar situation as me haha.
I turn around, and look at these people in their underwear, sat in essentially a garbage pit, and we just laugh out loud haha.
We hung out for an hour, then got called back because the police left, but not before a few pedestrians look around this corner and see 7 or so people in their underwear laughing. I can only imagine what they thought.
there's already 3~ embarassing ones involving fillipino women. What are the odds?
So my most embarassing moment was prob when I got caught masturbating by my mom. I was lying naked on the bathroom floor looking at the ceiling and she walked in and I lept to my feet and climbed into the shower.
Actually my most embarassing moment involved this fillipino girl with a wooden eye. We got set up on a blind date because I'm not exactly prince charming (I have a hairlip) and we go to this sorta cantina thing with live music playing and we sit there awkwardly for a few minutes, just trading nervous glances until she asks me if I want to dance and I was so nervous/excited I say "Would I! Would I!" and she just gets super pissed, stands up, flips the table ( (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻) and says "Hairlip" before storming off all madI
Here is another one for you guys. Cmon, we have 500 views, lets hear some stories. Or you can ask me about mine, or tell me what you think about them
So, I am in this club with some guy friends, we decided to have a bit of a guys night at a club. We are having a good time dancing and drinking.
From across the floor I lock eyes with this Asian girl. She looks pretty and invites me over to her with her eyes. So I walk over, and begin the FJ magic haha.
This girl seems really 'friendly' with me, there is a lot of touching and it is obvious what she wants from me....She is asking a lot of questions like 'Do you like me? Are you into people like me? She asks this because sometimes white people don't like the Filipino people here, and everyone I meet is surprised I like the culture, have Filipino friends, and speak taglaog (some what).
My thoughts of this girl are that she is pretty, she isn't stunning or amazing, but not ugly or anything like that. So she invites me to her place, and I agree to go.
We get to her apartment, she shuts the door and kisses me on the lips, but not a long one. Then she takes me to her bed.
She is laying on top of me, and she is straight into it, she takes off her top, and then mine, then she whispers in my ear that she has no underwear on. And then she takes off her pants.
There it is, staring me in the face........it's a trap!
It all makes sense now... the weights on the floor, the large hands, the questions.....she was asking if I was a gay!!!!
OMG!
In my defense, if I can even make one, it was dark, I was drinking, and (if I can stereotype for a moment) Asians have small chests, and feminine features....does this make me gay? I hope not haha
I trash talked to some guy putting videos on youtube about a game and then when i got challenged I accepted, got raped, then had the match put on youtube and there were quite a few people laughing their asses off at how bad i was.. i guess thats what happens when you're 14 trying to challenge hardcore adults at an rts.
My pretenses about me being good were shattered temporarily but slowly refreshed as i went back to only competing with fellow 14 year olds.
When I was a very young lad I was at a karate studio while my brother took a class. There were chairs for parents and people to watch the class and my mom was sitting in one of them. I was sitting with my mom but I got up to go to wander around a bit and eventually headed back to find my mom because I wanted to sit on her lap. I don't know exactly how this happened but I must not have been looking where I was going to sit and I ended up climbing up the lap of some guy I didn't know only to realize that it wasn't my mom. To this day I still remember this event and how embarrassed I was at such a young age. Thinking about it now it was before I had glasses and I must have had horrible eyesight. But holy shit that is still a crazy mistake to make.
On August 13 2011 05:26 Justjealouse wrote: I trash talked to some guy putting videos on youtube about a game and then when i got challenged I accepted, got raped, then had the match put on youtube and there were quite a few people laughing their asses off at how bad i was.. i guess thats what happens when you're 14 trying to challenge hardcore adults at an rts.
My pretenses about me being good were shattered temporarily but slowly refreshed as i went back to only competing with fellow 14 year olds.
On August 13 2011 05:24 Starcraftplaylist wrote: TL.net is probably the best site if you are into asian guys
Man seeking Asian Man. Must play zerg. Must have 100+ apm. 6 pooling is a deal breaker.
Someone please create a Starcraft 2 Wanted Ads Thread right now.
By the way, FJ, you're frickin hilarious lmao. Even though I'm dating a Filipina.
haha, you think?
I live a CRAZY life in Dubai. Everyday is amazing. I am an average British 20 year old. But here, WOW it is crazy. I have been arrested...twice. Literally ran from the police, been attacked, been to the richest and poorest places in the world and done some incredible things. Each has it's own good story to tell.
Your dating a filipina? I love Filipinos, the happiest nicest people I know. Despite my experiences, I still continue to date them
Would you like to know how to ask if you can feel her tits in tagalog? I speak taglaog, some what, Im still a tagalog student. A good line I use, is ask a girl for a kiss or to feel her tits haha and pretend I thought it meant something else. It is a good ice breaker. Then later, I can say 'well, you didn't say no' It is high risk high reward though, I could get a slap, or some boobs.
When I was 15 I did judo, so to increase my stamina coach would take us (other students) to this track to run and sprint sorta thing. Anyways, I was running around the track and start feeling pretty weird in my lower stomach and as I'm running I straight up take a dump in my pants and having just shit myself I finish the circuit and THEN go to the bathroom to see the damage. It was a relatively solid ball, not watery at all so I take off my underwear and throw them away, then get some TP and straight pick up the rabbit turd out of the legs of my sweatpants (they are elastic at the ankle so the turd was resting there.) then I go back out and finish the exercises. Everybody thought I just went in there to throw up.
That same day my mom takes me and my brother home (he was there too. He doesn't play sc though.) and I go straight up to take a shit and a shower. So I go up to take a dump and since I was so exhausted from the day of running etc, as I'm straining to get this turd out my vision blurs and I pass out. Now, the bathroom is close to my brothers room and I wake up to him sorta touching my shoulder, with my pants down and a bit of a fecal mess. He says he heard me make the strangest noise and then a loud *THUMP*. Goddamn that was a weird day.
So I once dated a Filipina girl, she was very pretty, and also poor. She lived in a villa with, and I kid
haha oh man, if u look through your stories every single one includes a poor filipina girl, you are into poor ppl ? just kinda intersting.
Haha, well I do have a thing for Asian girls. And there are TONS of Filipino girls and boys in Dubai. The sad truth though, they are all poor. They come here for work, a lot lead horrible lives, and they earn nothing. But they make the most of it.
So I like their life style, and all my friends, are poor compared to me.
Even though I earn less than minimum wage by English or American standards, I am rich in comparison to the Filipinos here.
But, we make do and have a great time. So I spend my weekends getting up to all sorts of antics haha. Sometimes, going to a girls house, sitting on a dirty floor and eating rice with my friends is a lot better than spending a lot of money going out.
I strongly believe it is who you're with, not what you're doing.
On August 13 2011 05:38 ChinaLifeXXL wrote: When I was 15 I did judo, so to increase my stamina coach would take us (other students) to this track to run and sprint sorta thing. Anyways, I was running around the track and start feeling pretty weird in my lower stomach and as I'm running I straight up take a dump in my pants and having just shit myself I finish the circuit and THEN go to the bathroom to see the damage. It was a relatively solid ball, not watery at all so I take off my underwear and throw them away, then get some TP and straight pick up the rabbit turd out of the legs of my sweatpants (they are elastic at the ankle so the turd was resting there.) then I go back out and finish the exercises. Everybody thought I just went in there to throw up.
That same day my mom takes me and my brother home (he was there too. He doesn't play sc though.) and I go straight up to take a shit and a shower. So I go up to take a dump and since I was so exhausted from the day of running etc, as I'm straining to get this turd out my vision blurs and I pass out. Now, the bathroom is close to my brothers room and I wake up to him sorta touching my shoulder, with my pants down and a bit of a fecal mess. He says he heard me make the strangest noise and then a loud *THUMP*. Goddamn that was a weird day.
hahahahahaha!
You worked out so hard you shit? hahahaha oh man. That's bad.
On August 13 2011 04:22 FJ wrote: Here is another embarrassing story.
I was in a club, and I got to dancing with this beautiful girl. Things were going well, and she asked me back to her place
So I get to her villa and she walks me through to her room.......
I walk in the room, and it is a small fridge, a wardrobe and 4 bunk beds. There are a few people asleep and 2 girls playing cards on the floor.
This girl kisses me, and then suggests we go to her bed, which is the top bunk, with a girl sleeping below her.
So, I have had a few, and think, screw it, lets do this even with the people in the room.
So I climb over this girl, close the curtain around her bed, and don't hold back at all.
Halfway through the act, another room mate walks in the room and opens the curtain to reveal us both....... It was really embarrassing.....
I just decided to leave. I put on some boxer shorts, and grab my clothes and leave the room, only to walk into a lounge area with about 20 people who all just stare at me. I had to walk around all these staring eyes, in my boxers and get to the front door. I couldn't open it, I had to ask for help, and reluctantly a girl comes over and helps me out with the door.
We had some beggars playing music in the city, with their obligatory children running around collecting money. It was a quite embarrassing scene so I called the cops and had them removed.
I had this Filipina maid, well I suppose my family did. She came to the house everyday but Friday (Friday is a weekend in this Country)
She was of similar age to my parents, and had 3 children who all work and live in Dubai also. Now, I met her kids a couple times and we have had a couple chats on FB. She has a pretty daughter, and she has sent a few flirty messages to me.
They planned a big fun day in a mall, and they asked if I could like to go with them and their friends one particular friday.
So I went and met her kids and their friends in a mall and we hanged out. It was a good time, and in the evening, it ended up just me and the pretty daughter who was my age.
I asked if she wanted to come to my house since no one is home, and we can hang out for a while.
I genuinely had no intention to do this, it was an honest invite to the house to hang out for a couple hours before she goes home. But we ended up having sex. I felt bad when she was flirting with me, since her mother is my maid, but I am a 20 year old male human, and when a pretty girl is asking, how can I refuse?
So, why I always get caught I don't know. But the maid decided to come and clean the house anyway, I don't know why, it was her day off but she came to the house.
She knew I was out, my parents also, so she got to my room to clean, and since she expected no one home, she just walks in to catch me and her daughter in my bed......
It was the worst thing ever! I could have died.
The maid quit very soon after that, and never told my parents why she decided to leave.
Okay so guys I had just woken up sorta early this one morning with the intention of going down to the basement, putting Irreversible into the dvd player, fastforwarding to um, the iconic scene, and then masturbating to it. So I go down and hit all the right notes and when I get everything set up, I'm like "Alright. Here we go." and there is a bed in the basement, because sometimes I sleep down there but if you'll recall I have a brother and I hear the blanket on that basement bed sorta move and my heart stops because here I am with this horrible rape scene queue'd up it's obvious what I wanna do and my goddamn brother was in that bed.
I quickly turn everything off, take the dvd out and run away as quick and silently as possible. I think he pretended to have slept through what was happening for my sake. But I know he couldn't have...
so i was applying for this awesome job, and i had, and the person who was supossed to interview me was named "Elky". Now, at this point i wasnt really into poker and didn't know the gamer, so i had no idea wether the person was a man or woman. I go to the interview and assume it was a woman, so i start asking arround where i could find miss Elky, and a guys tells me how lucky i was, since she was a cutie, and i should go to the next office and ask for her. I go to this office and there's about 3 people working there, 2 cute girls and a man. I ask for miss Elky and this one of the girls stands up and asks me for my name and who sent me there. I tell her my name and tell her i have a job interview and that some other dude told me to go there and ask for miss elky, who was supossed to be really cute (wink her) and if she was elky. This big black dude stands up and tells me with a deep voice "I'm not sure i'm that cute, but i'm Elky" I was embarrased during the whole interview, and didnt get the job
On August 13 2011 05:30 AirbladeOrange wrote: When I was a very young lad I was at a karate studio while my brother took a class. There were chairs for parents and people to watch the class and my mom was sitting in one of them. I was sitting with my mom but I got up to go to wander around a bit and eventually headed back to find my mom because I wanted to sit on her lap. I don't know exactly how this happened but I must not have been looking where I was going to sit and I ended up climbing up the lap of some guy I didn't know only to realize that it wasn't my mom. To this day I still remember this event and how embarrassed I was at such a young age. Thinking about it now it was before I had glasses and I must have had horrible eyesight. But holy shit that is still a crazy mistake to make.
same thing happened to me, except that day (i was like 6, lol) and I was crying at a bakery for some unknown reason, I thought my mom was wearing a white shirt and turned around and like bearhugged the person in the white shirt behind me.
Looked up and it was this mid-40 yr old balding man
So I once went to a Filipino club, which all my stories seem to come from.
The, I suppose host of the Club is a gay Filipino man. In between the bands and dancers he introduces them and he also does a bit of singing.
So I stand out like a saw thumb in this place (A good thing, I get the pick of the girls haha) I am the only white, or non-pinoy and about a foot taller than everyone, even though I am just under 6 foot.
So I am sat at the table with some friends listening to the band, having fun. Then the host comes over to my table and asks about why I'm here in a Filipino club, what I am doing. He seems friendly enough, but then he makes some passes at me haha. I explain I am not gay, but he says that wont stop him.
Then he sits with us in the night and makes friends with us.
Later that night I get a text from an unknown number while I am at home. It's him, calling me 'Big bird' and telling me how cute me, and my ass is.
He got my number from a friend.
Anyway, two or 2 weeks later I go back to the club and I am enjoying the band once again.
Then the band ends and this guy is on stage again. He says 'Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my love' Then the lights go out, and a spot light lands on me....
I cave to the peer pressure from the entire club and walk to the stage and hop on. Then he calls me big bird, and serenades me with a romance song. So I just stand there, feeling so embarrassed as this gay guy sings a love song to me in front of everyone.
I never got any girls that night, just a lot of gay guys making passes on me.
Oh man, standing on that stage was sooooo embarrassing.
Yeah, he still texts me and calls me. When I go the club he speaks to me.
It works in my favor though. I put up with the gay passes, and occasional kiss he tries to give me, but I asked him to bring the dancers at the club over.
I felt like such a playa as a dozen asisn girls in the panties and bra come over and sit on my lap and in my arms. Damn son, I was such a G playa then haha
He also works for a super popular radio station for Filipinos.
So if I meet a cute girl, and they listen to the station, I text him and have him play songs for girls on the show. Works really well for me. But he does sing on the radio for me, or plays me gay songs.
It is a call in show, so people call in and always ask who 'big bird' is and he explains that big bird is his lover from Britain haha. It is pretty embarrassing.
So my girl friend was at my house, and we, you know, got up to certain acts.
Later on, she left my house and headed home.
So, it is a very very hot country, and when I am at home, I enjoy walking around in just my boxers. So after she goes, that is exactly what I do. So I sit there in my boxers playing a bit of Xbox.
I get thirsty and go to the kitchen for a nice drink.
Now, I didn't realize, but on the front of my boxers is some.....how shall I say....sexual related fluid. It is not that I am a messy person, but you know, sometimes it get's places.
So I walk out an run into my dad who is in the hall way. He casually looks at me and says 'Hey, whats that on your boxers....' He wasn't thinking, and as he said it, he realized exactly what it was....
We just exchanged to most awkward stare that lasted for quite a while. I just said 'erm.....it must be...toothpaste.' He says: 'Yeah, that is what it is....toothpaste yeah.'
Then we spent the next week feeling uncomfortable in each others company haha
On August 13 2011 07:08 FJ wrote: So my girl friend was at my house, and we, you know, got up to certain acts.
Later on, she left my house and headed home.
So, it is a very very hot country, and when I am at home, I enjoy walking around in just my boxers. So after she goes, that is exactly what I do. So I sit there in my boxers playing a bit of Xbox.
I get thirsty and go to the kitchen for a nice drink.
Now, I didn't realize, but on the front of my boxers is some.....how shall I say....sexual related fluid. It is not that I am a messy person, but you know, sometimes it get's places.
So I walk out an run into my dad who is in the hall way. He casually looks at me and says 'Hey, whats that on your boxers....' He wasn't thinking, and as he said it, he realized exactly what it was....
We just exchanged to most awkward stare that lasted for quite a while. I just said 'erm.....it must be...toothpaste.' He says: 'Yeah, that is what it is....toothpaste yeah.'
Then we spent the next week feeling uncomfortable in each others company haha
BroTip: Say cinnemon next time. Dry cinnemon looks EXACTLY like cum when its on ya clothes.
Oh man, this thread is pretty great. LMAO FJ, thanks for sharing.
My story isn't racy or anything, but I was completely embarrassed when it happened.
I was young, like, young enough to be carried by your parent. My dad and I were in a drive in movie theater. We left our car and we're standing in line to get popcorn. I was bored... or something so I walked in circles around my dad and closed my eyes. I thought I memorized when I would be in front of him, and I kept my eyes close. I just start jumping up and down yelling "Carry me, dad! Carry me!" My arms are flailing. I'm totally carrying on like a child.
Anyway, I open my eyes and just see this couple, a man and a woman, my parents age, but total strangers. I was completely embarrassed. My dad was in front of them, so I just walked the rest of the half circle and my dad's like, "That must've been pretty embarrassing." and it was! I'm 28 now and it is still with me.
I've gone to a gay club a couple times with 2 of my friends who aren't gay either, lol. It's just some place they felt comfortable in. I'd occasionally get approached by a guy hitting on me, but I take it as compliments and actually feel kind of bad when I tell them, "Sorry, I'm not gay."
Actually, now that I remember, I ran into a guy that was in one of my college English classes at the time. He was like, "Oh man, you are?" and I was like ,"No, man, sorry." LOL, slightly embarrassing.
I was playing chess with a couple of moderately to very nerdy people in school along with an equally nerdy teacher who had taken on the task of leading the school's chess team.
A black girl was sitting next to him. I recommended a move for him and he responded by saying "NIGGA PLEASE" (which actually sounds even worse in swedish ), and a gruesome silence followed, until he realized his mistake, turned to the girl and was like: "Oh I didn't mean it like... it's an internet joke you know..." etc., none of it really improving his precarious position...
Nobody said anything until some genius chimed in by saying "awkward turtle". Yes, it was indeed awkward...
Thanks for the Brotip *brofist* I don't intend on it happening again though haha
On August 13 2011 07:25 Inertiaddict wrote: Oh man, this thread is pretty great. LMAO FJ, thanks for sharing.
You think? I have loads more. We should have more sharing, I feel like a story teller. Are people enjoying my embarrassment??? haha
The thing about Dubai is, you are in daily contact with the richest and poorest people in the world. I can't think of a place where seeing a Bently driving through the slums is a common thing.
If you go through my phone you have numbers of people who sleep on a mattress, honestly, covered in insects, and they can barely afford to feed themselves rice everyday. Also, I have multi millionaires in my phone. Literally, I know a guy who owns, not one, but 3 diamond mines. He is LOADED
So, one day I was at the race track, just enjoying the day, watching the open day for racers, and enthusiasts to grab their cars and drive around.
An Arab guy pulls in the pit stop and has his car looked at. He gets out and has a word with me. 'Why are you here? What are you doing in Dubai? How do you like it?' etc, the normal questions.
Then it comes up that at the time I was looking to buy a car. We talk about various makes and models. Then (Now I don't remember the specific model) he asks if I like this pretty low, obscure make of car.
I start slagging it off pretty bad. I say it is a little girls car and I would never own one, I hate them. He seems a bit hurt by this, and he says that he drives one. I felt pretty embarrassed about it. I brought the conversation to and end, made and excuse and left.
I walk away and someone asks, 'Hey, do you know who that is? What was he talking about?' I said, 'It was embarrassing. He asked if I like X make of car, and I slagged it off, and he owns one' The guy speaking to me gasps sooo hard. He says, that was Mr something, he is part of the original families, he doesn't just own one of those cars, he owns the fricking company!'
OH SHIT!
I just slagged of a car to the owners face hahaha.
I was on a cruise with my whole family and I entered into a dance contest for the Hell of it.
It came down to me and some other guy. We had to dance like Elvis. I started pulling out the moves from Forrest Gump. The funnier part is that I took it one step further and started dancing near this column in the room... It got slightly risque.
Now, I had no idea but there's a big glass wall that a major staircase to the ship is on the opposite side of... My family happened to be walking down it as I'm dancing to try to win this thing. When my turn was over I see them all pointing and laughing at me. My parents, Aunts, Uncles, little cousins and of course, my Grandmother. They then also had to go and buy the cruise ship DVD, pretty much because they knew I'd be on it.
On August 13 2011 08:09 Inertiaddict wrote: I was on a cruise with my whole family and I entered into a dance contest for the Hell of it.
It came down to me and some other guy. We had to dance like Elvis. I started pulling out the moves from Forrest Gump. The funnier part is that I took it one step further and started dancing near this column in the room... It got slightly risque.
Now, I had no idea but there's a big glass wall that a major staircase to the ship is on the opposite side of... My family happened to be walking down it as I'm dancing to try to win this thing. When my turn was over I see them all pointing and laughing at me. My parents, Aunts, Uncles, little cousins and of course, my Grandmother. They then also had to go and buy the cruise ship DVD, pretty much because they knew I'd be on it.
hahaha, that tickled me haha. I can only imagine someone getting into it doing an Elvis dance haha
I have a couple embarrassing stories about my dancing. If the readers want to hear them?
So, it seems to have turned into FJ story time. I would like to have some sharing though
You can ask about the stories if you want. I have tons. What elements do you like?
On August 13 2011 08:31 Seldentar wrote: hahahahaha FJ I love this thread... hilarious stories man! :D Sounds like you have a pretty..... adventurous life
Yeah man, I do loads here! These are just the super embarrassing ones, but they don't always turn out that way, some are super funny, others are sad, some are just amazing stories. If only I could tell them ALL.
On August 13 2011 08:32 Perfecticus wrote: After reading all of FJs stories so far i want to move to Dubai when i am in the 20s :p
Love you FJ<3
Love back haha
Yeah come, I'll show you around lol. Take you off the main roads per say, and show you the real Dubai, not the tourist beaches and hotels. None of this stuff happens to a tourist, they wouldn't even know it goes on.
So, another one about saying bad things to the wrong person.
I was out with my parents, in a restaurant, and they had a few of their friends with them, and they brought their friends. Now, my parents are pretty rich, but poor when compared to the people at this table since most where work related friends.
So I am 20, so I am not a child, so I can engage in the conversations they have, but they aren't to my taste, but I can take part. One of the guys at the table is a pretty rich man indeed. I have met him at a few functions before and he has discussed going to a club with me.
Well, he said he owns a Lamborghini, and I was super impressed and asked for a ride. He said sure, but he has had a couple to drink, so a friend is coming in a taxi, and he will drive us around Dubai for a little while, and let me have a spin. I was excited to have a go!
So later on, the guy turns up, just a normal arab man, and we get in the car.
The limit is 100 kilometers an hour, this guy was doing at least 180. So I say 'hey, you're doing well over the limit, we will get into some shit'
He responds 'No way man, I wont get a ticket, I know guys'
So, this sets me off a little because I've had a couple drinks, just enough to take the edge off. Plus, I'm a dick head. So I give him this big rant about how corrupt the justice system is. Something like 'What a bag of wank this place is, the laws are fucking shit, and who ever makes them is a massive idiot. It is bullshit that you can do nearly twice the limit and just get away with it. What sort of shit hole, 3rd world country do we live in?'
The owner of the car is suddenly a bit quiet. I think ' Shit, he wasn't a 'local' was he?' As locals can be a bit uptight about their country.
The guy turns to me, and blasts me. Turns out, he was the fucking chief of police!!!! HE is the one who made these rules!
Oh man, after he gives me a good telling off about being an ignorant westerner in HIS country, he pulls over and kicks me out the car.
Soooo embarrassing having to call my parents and ask them to pick me up because the chief of police for the country just kicked me out the car.
On August 13 2011 08:46 FJ wrote: So, another one about saying bad things to the wrong person.
I was out with my parents, in a restaurant, and they had a few of their friends with them, and they brought their friends. Now, my parents are pretty rich, but poor when compared to the people at this table since most where work related friends.
So I am 20, so I am not a child, so I can engage in the conversations they have, but they aren't to my taste, but I can take part. One of the guys at the table is a pretty rich man indeed. I have met him at a few functions before and he has discussed going to a club with me.
Well, he said he owns a Lamborghini, and I was super impressed and asked for a ride. He said sure, but he has had a couple to drink, so a friend is coming in a taxi, and he will drive us around Dubai for a little while, and let me have a spin. I was excited to have a go!
So later on, the guy turns up, just a normal arab man, and we get in the car.
The limit is 100 kilometers an hour, this guy was doing at least 180. So I say 'hey, you're doing well over the limit, we will get into some shit'
He responds 'No way man, I wont get a ticket, I know guys'
So, this sets me off a little because I've had a couple drinks, just enough to take the edge off. Plus, I'm a dick head. So I give him this big rant about how corrupt the justice system is. Something like 'What a bag of wank this place is, the laws are fucking shit, and who ever makes them is a massive idiot. It is bullshit that you can do nearly twice the limit and just get away with it. What sort of shit hole, 3rd world country do we live in?'
The owner of the car is suddenly a bit quiet. I think ' Shit, he wasn't a 'local' was he?' As locals can be a bit uptight about their country.
The guy turns to me, and blasts me. Turns out, he was the fucking chief of police!!!! HE is the one who made these rules!
Oh man, after he gives me a good telling off about being an ignorant westerner in HIS country, he pulls over and kicks me out the car.
Soooo embarrassing having to call my parents and ask them to pick me up because the chief of police for the country just kicked me out the car.
LOL that's about as bad as it gets... talk about saying things to the wrong person hahaha. Was he one of the work related friends of your family?
The guy who owned the sweet ride is a friend of my mums boss. My mum works directly for a guy who is a MASSIVE MILLIONAIRE, who knows how many businesses he has. The guy I have met a couple times before, and he is a young lad, well, 28ish, but in the business world, young. So we get on a little, and as I said, he has invited me to hang out in a club, but I have never taken him up. We aren't exactly friends, but we get along. I go on the business related things with my parents because I get free fancy nights out.
So I didn't ruin any business for my parents, but I have a story where I did. I will make a new post for it now.
So, my farther works for a super rich family here in Dubai (All businesses are ultimately owned by a local arab, and there are a few big families, Garagash, Futtaim etc)
My dad is in a position to give a fair amount of business to other people. So companies often invite him, and ultimately me, and fancy days out. Trying to sweeten him up, meet people, and get business. So I get golf days and fancy meals sometimes, if I don't mind talking, well listening, to business all night.
One day, I got invited on a yacht. WOW, what a fancy yacht it was. It had 2 floors, a pool! A freaking pool in a yacht! It was the company my dad works for, the plan was to bring a lot of 'high ups' in the company, and then get them to mingle with other companies. So there was many personal and business friends of my dads on this yacht.
Anyway, I am not a millionaire and don't do business, I was way out of place. As you know, I speak tagalog (some what) and get on great with Filipinos who are the labor. So there were Filipinos walking around in suits serving drinks and things. I just hung out with them, getting slowly drunk and eating food I could never pronounce or afford.
I did a few embarrassing things like turn down champagne and ask for a vodka coke, used the wrong fork etc. You know, things these rich douche bags would think bad.
Well, I was having so much fun with the guys that I got pretty fucking drunk. I went around taking 'gangsta' photos of myself all around the yacht, looking like a douche (Something I like to do)
I walk into the main room, announce the music is shit and you 'up-your-arse toffees' need to loosen up, then play 'Move bitch, get out the way' form my iphone. I start dancing in the middle of the room, and grab the hand of one of the younger ladies there, and try to dance with her.
I then continue to dance on my own, and take off my shirt, which leads to no pants. So I am there, now dancing to some 50 cent, in my underwear. My dad comes over, fuming, grabs me and marches me out of the room, and gives me a shouting at.
Filled with dangerous confidence from the alcohol, I boldly announce I am 20, and don't need to take his shit. I march back into the room, and ask the crowed to 'look at me, as I do something amazing' I climb to the top of the boat and jump off into the sea.
I turn around in the water, in my head I expected cheers of laughter, and to be the center of this amusing attention. Instead, I just get stared at, like the little prick I was, who has embarrassed everyone, and ruined their good time. I had 30 or so sets of eyes staring at me with disappointment.
Only then I realized what a dick head I was being. I swam back, wrapped myself in a towel, and sat downstairs on my own for the rest of the boat trip. Super embarrassed about the whole thing.
Suffice to say, I was not invited to that sort of thing again hahaha
On August 13 2011 09:38 Retgery wrote: FJ have all your antics made your parents business easier, or down right ruin their reputation?
I don't know about make it easier, but sometimes specific people in the companies have asked me back. Other times I embarrass myself, or other people.
So one day, I was with my dad, we was going out to the mall that day, for a bit of manly shopping. But he had to stop into work for a few hours in the morning. No problem, I will just wander around and get the menial staff to for fill my stupid requests I do for entertainment.
After getting a guy to keep return to the fridge about 6 or 7 times because my coke wasn't cold enough. My dad called and said come to the office, we will leave soon.
So I head into the office and there is a man with him, an arab man. My dad says 'FJ, this is MR something something Bin Laden, he has just make a very big deal with us'
Now, I pick up on the name Bin Laden, and then say something stupid, like the douche I am....
I said....right to his face....'Bin Laden eh? Ha, do you have any plans to blow something up? Are you in contact with Osama? how's about you tell me where he is, and we will split the reward money'
The guy just stares at me. My dad facepalms and tuts. He is embarrassed to say the least.
The arab man says back to me 'I don't know who you think you are, but as it happens, Yes I am related to Osama, he is my brother. And just because I am arab, and we share a father DOESN'T make me a terrorist!!!'
WHAT WERE THE CHANCES!!!!
I stared for a moment, and tried to think about something to say. Nothing came to mind. I mean, what can I say to that?
I just turned around, and walked out of the room.....
On August 13 2011 09:38 Retgery wrote: FJ have all your antics made your parents business easier, or down right ruin their reputation?
I don't know about make it easier, but sometimes specific people in the companies have asked me back. Other times I embarrass myself, or other people.
So one day, I was with my dad, we was going out to the mall that day, for a bit of manly shopping. But he had to stop into work for a few hours in the morning. No problem, I will just wander around and get the menial staff to for fill my stupid requests I do for entertainment.
After getting a guy to keep return to the fridge about 6 or 7 times because my coke wasn't cold enough. My dad called and said come to the office, we will leave soon.
So I head into the office and there is a man with him, an arab man. My dad says 'FJ, this is MR something something Bin Laden, he has just make a very big deal with us'
Now, I pick up on the name Bin Laden, and then say something stupid, like the douche I am....
I said....right to his face....'Bin Laden eh? Ha, do you have any plans to blow something up? Are you in contact with Osama? how's about you tell me where he is, and we will split the reward money'
The guy just stares at me. My dad facepalms and tuts. He is embarrassed to say the least.
The arab man says back to me 'I don't know who you think you are, but as it happens, Yes I am related to Osama, he is my brother. And just because I am arab, and we share a father DOESN'T make me a terrorist!!!'
WHAT WERE THE CHANCES!!!!
I stared for a moment, and tried to think about something to say. Nothing came to mind. I mean, what can I say to that?
I just turned around, and walked out of the room.....
ROFL dude I can't believe how much shit happens to you... do you have any redeeming stories for the times you embarrassed your dad? XD
The stories you post sound like they came from some epic comedy movie many lols
But damn, if so much shit happened to you in your 20s, I can't imagine what things happened to you during your teens. Or did shit only start happening to you once you turned 20? Lol. Were you born in Dubai or did you move there?
Dude, even if this shit was made up, I don't care. This is hilarious! I doubt trolls could come up with stories that are this crazy but still believable enough.
If I get enough interest, I will make a blog, and keep you updated with not only these embarrassing ones, but funny stories, entertaining stories, sad stories, and simply amazing adventures I have.
Yes, I have redeeming ones, but this thread was for the embarrassing ones. Like I said, if enough people want more, I will make a blog or something on TL and see how it goes.
Well, I made my friends promise not to show the pics of my molestation, and I didn't exactly bring a camera and take snaps of myself having sex with the girls, or going to the house of that gay guy. I have some on the yacht, but it is just me on a yacht, some in the water someone had taken. Likewise, I didn't really get a pic of mr Laden being pretty angry at me haha.
I moved here when I was 18. Before that, I was just average, spent my time in college, playing games, and trying to figure out girls. I suppose the stories are when I was here. The shit started happening when I made friends and went out more.
All power to you man! I, and I'm sure many others after hearing your stories will whole heartedly support a blog if you choose to start one. Thanks for providing the lols XD
Another example of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.
So, I have a sister, who is a little younger than myself. She has been here many years and went to school here.
I don't often hang out with her, but on this occasion I did. I wanted to go to the mall to buy something, and she just happened to be meeting a friend there. So we shared a taxi.
At the time it was Ramadan. For those of you who don't know, it is a special Muslim holiday. Basically, we can not eat or drink in daylight hours in public, no one can. I can be very annoying!
So I meet her friend at the mall and walk around with them for a short while. I get hungry and suggested we grab some food, forgetting the time of year, her friend reminds me it is ramadan.
I was pretty angry at this, and assumed she was Indian. You know, assuming makes and ass out of you and of me.
I start off on a small rant about how annoying it is, how stupid it is that I can't eat or drink, I am not muslim, but I have to follow the rules. I say I can understand tolerance, but I want to eat or drink, it is not as if I am shoving the food in the faces of muslims. My rant at the time probably had a few more swear words though haha
My sister is the one who face palms this time. And her friend asks me to take it back.
^^This. Sorry for doubting your stories, but I just think some of them are way over-the-top, like the diving from the yacht thing, lol. Still funny, though .
went to camp in gr.6 and the teacher was telling us the rules of predator vs. prey, he stopped talking to write something on the board... that's when i let one rip real bad.
haha, you thought to jumping of the boat was the unbelievable one? haha. I would have said the Bin Laden one, or having a gay club entertainer sing to me.
The boat was great. I really did climb up the side and jump into the water in my underwear. Good times.
On August 13 2011 10:31 Dusty wrote: These stories are hardly believable but I'm enjoying them nonetheless
haha, at which point do you think they are not believable?
The whole story? Parts of it? All the stories? Some of them?
I can't really prove anything. But I give you my word they are true, 100%. I really have met Bin Ladens brother, jumped off of a yacht, been spooned by a gay guy, told a guy his cars are bad and serenaded on stage by a homosexual.
I find most of them believable, but that last one with the Princess of the Emirate seemed a bit of a stretch especially considering the repetitiveness of you insulting all these super famous people without realizing who they were. You would've thought your sister would've told you that you would be hanging out with the Princess lol
I was meeting my friend at university which I haven't seen for a while. I see her with her back towards me along with the usual crew we hang out with... I decided to surprise her with by hugging her from the back... yes you guessed it...it wasn't her, just some random person who has the same hairdo and height. The girl screamed, thought I was dry humping her...the other girls which I knew were just laughing while the girl was in terror. I was so shocked at that point I just managed to lol and was out of breath to actually say sorry. Luckily I found my friend and told her about the situation before anyone did.
Piece of advice guys... Its better to make fun of yourself than feeling ashamed while others do. I was a lot of similar situations since I'm quite clumsy by nature but its amazing how much face you can salvage by learning to laugh at yourself.
On August 13 2011 10:39 Seldentar wrote: I find most of them believable, but that last one with the Princess of the Emirate seemed a bit of a stretch especially considering the repetitiveness of you insulting all these super famous people without realizing who they were. You would've thought your sister would've told you that you would be hanging out with the Princess lol
She was a Princess of one of the Emirates. There are 7 of them, and she is princess to a particularly unimportant one.
Royalty isn't the same as England or something. There are 7 royal families! and she is not only a woman, but the youngest princess of the family, so she doesn't have a great deal of influence.
My sister and I don't talk a great deal. I did know she had a princess friend, as they went to school together, but I don't pay attention.
At the time she mentioned the girl by name, assuming I listened to her in the past and knew that was her royal friend.
I say lots of embarrassing things to lots of people. Like I said, the only country where you can meet the rich and poor together.
I have met lots of famous people. Michael Schumacher, lots of racers actually. The guy who plays Hurley in Lost, bumped into him in a mall once. Royalty, famous Jokies, and loads of influention Arab guys.
You don't know who you're meeting. And it is hard to tell when they all wear the exactly same white robes.
I have a pretty embarassing story with alcohol, fights, girls, crying, laughing, blood, etc.
So I was 15, high school. One of the first big parties I attended, organized and hosted by this odd girl in my class. (Side note: I was in the litterature class, which was a bunch of rebels who wanted to pass in a class with a reputation of lazyness, weirdos and bookworms).
I had a crush on this girl.
(What I didn't is that she was a slut. She fancied me and I wasn't too sure if I really wanted to get with her, so one day she dragged me to her place and I didn't do anything and she just waited. But I kind of fell in love while talking to her, thinking she was a great person and all... the romantic kind. I left and then tried to get a date with her, but the opportunity was gone, she had "to visit an uncle" and was therefore "unavailable". This was the situation, me with a crush on this girl who was a slut who didn't want any sort of relationship)
So I proceed to go to the party after a shitty day, thinking that I NEEDED to confess my feelings. I get there, get a really warm welcome (I'm a pretty cold and distant guy and it was a class with just a couple of boys so it was a surprise for the average bookworm there), drink a few beers, everything is fun and fine. The girl is there too, a bit quiet and shy. Booze gives me more confidence, so I just drag the girl to the kitchen, and tell her how I feel. Of course, she says that she's not ready, yadda yadda... Ok, fine. RE-JEC-TED. I can live with that. And there's plenty of vodka to drink. LOTS actually, like 1 bottle per person.
But then I enter RAEG MODE. I slowly became batshit insane.
I started drinking. Then drank more. Then went upstairs to go to the bathroom, and there was a girl randomly crying on the floor (yes we were young and there really was a lot of alcohol). I comfort her for some reason, even though I don't like her nor know her very well. I dash back downstairs, and people are playing a drinking game. I forget about the crying girl, I sit with them. They explain me how it works, but THE girl is there playing too. Fuck it, I'm pissed and I can't understand shit. So I just drink my glass and other people's glasses and leave while they stare at me.
Then another girl gets sick and starts throwing up upstairs. We take care of her with a friend, but people are laughing and yelling downstairs, so I go downstairs and basically kill the party:
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING MORONS PEOPLE ARE SICK UPSTAIRS YOU FUCKING FUCKS"
I rush back upstairs. {This part is blank. Can't remember what I did.}
Fastforward an unknown period of time, and I want to leave. A stunning hot girl wants to leave (she's my girlfriend now by the way hehe) too, so I tell her I'll leave with her. Ok, a friend is coming and some weird girl too. While I'm outside, some random woman pulls over. I'm guessing she's the parent of someone and she came to pick that someone up. So I chat with her, saying a bunch of bullshit about the decaying youth and talking to myself, the that someone who she had to pick up appears and it's... THE girl. I litterally roll on the floor laughing as they leave.
Now my friend is being really annoying, being friendly and saying bye to everyone. Fuck it, I grab my jacket and leave. The girl who's now my GF comes with me to make sure I don't do anything too stupid, and my friend and the other girl catch up with us a few minutes later. Now everyone is pretty worried about my behaviour and I'm scaring the shit out of the weird girl.
Now this is where sanity thought that the party going on in my head was lame and just left.
I'm walking with the beautiful girl, and I tell her that if a guy tries to harm her, I'll kill him. I turn around, and there are three or four dudes peacefully walking behind us. I shout that if they touch her I´"FUCKING KILL THEM". And then I snap. I turn around and CHARGE them, yelling "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!". Yes, you are right, there is no logical explanation.
My friend comes back running and holds me back after I grabbed on of the guys while his friends intervene. My friend apologizes and we just leave, they just let us go as they see that I'm obviously pretty much insane at that moment.
The next 20 minutes is just random laughter and crying in the middle of the street, shouting completely random stuff like "OH NO WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE" while rolling on the floor. Everyone was pretty shocked. Another highlight occurred when we passed a couple who was quietly kissing, who laughed at me. I started insulting and threatening them, but then I felt bad so I came back and BEGGED for them to forgive me, on the floor.
Then everything gets blurry and I somehow managed to get home. I woke up with the worse headache ever, and hands covered in blood. Oh yeah, I was so angry I randomly punched the wall. But the next morning, it was pretty painful.
I'm also not sure if these are true or not, but, I'm loving FJ's stories none the less.
+1 to you making a blog.
The most embarrassed I have ever been in my life was when I was in elementry school, and I said "your welcome" to my teacher after she asked me to do something... before she said "thank you."
No one noticed, I don't think my teacher even cared, but I felt so stupid.
Now, on to better stories.
When I was younger, I used to have this problem where I wouldn't poop. Like, I would go a week without doing it, and when I did a week's worth would come out all at once, in one giant turd. GIANT. Like, my ass would bleed.
So, I am at school, its been like eight days since I last used the bathroom. I get the urge to go, and leave. I'm in there for like 20 minutes (I would sit down to go, then stand back up to keep myself from doing it because it hurt. Repeat this a dozen times until I eventually bite my lip and force this nerf football sized lump out of me).
The teacher thinks I am skipping class so she sends some kid to see if I am in the bathroom. He walks in right as finally do it. There is no way this thing is flushing. It's too large.
So I leave the stall and see this kid and he's like "Mrs. So-and-So thinks you're cutting... oh my god, that's fucking gross!"
The way he was facing, he could see into the stall, and saw this mountain of feces in the toilet.
Anyway, after class he tells like everyone about this giant turd of mine, and all the guys crowd into the bathroom. All that month I get laughed at. :/
Not sure if that was too gross, I actually have more embarassing stories regarding my bathroom habits if anyone wants to hear them. Haha.
I guess the most embarrassing story would be when I was having a lot of stress and pressure on myself during my final college exams.
One day I'm having a shower before my first exam, and straight up pass out. 5 minutes later my whole family are in the bathroom like what the fuck are you doing sleeping in the shower with it turned on. My sisters laughing like crazy and me really not sure what the hell just happened. The first time I have ever blacked out.
Then a few days later I wake up and go to take a whiz and as I'm doing the business I suddenly get this awful sick feeling in my stomach and feel extremely dizzy. I pass out AGAIN. My sister walks in the bathroom after hearing a loud thud(me falling). Opens the door and see's me laying on the ground in my boxers, hand around my penis, as I finish my business.
FJ where did you get your name? Is it your actual first name as in some of your stories or is is a pseudonym? Also did you get it from the site Funnyjunk? Just curious.
On August 13 2011 05:19 FJ wrote: Here is another one for you guys. Cmon, we have 500 views, lets hear some stories. Or you can ask me about mine, or tell me what you think about them
So, I am in this club with some guy friends, we decided to have a bit of a guys night at a club. We are having a good time dancing and drinking.
From across the floor I lock eyes with this Asian girl. She looks pretty and invites me over to her with her eyes. So I walk over, and begin the FJ magic haha.
This girl seems really 'friendly' with me, there is a lot of touching and it is obvious what she wants from me....She is asking a lot of questions like 'Do you like me? Are you into people like me? She asks this because sometimes white people don't like the Filipino people here, and everyone I meet is surprised I like the culture, have Filipino friends, and speak taglaog (some what).
My thoughts of this girl are that she is pretty, she isn't stunning or amazing, but not ugly or anything like that. So she invites me to her place, and I agree to go.
We get to her apartment, she shuts the door and kisses me on the lips, but not a long one. Then she takes me to her bed.
She is laying on top of me, and she is straight into it, she takes off her top, and then mine, then she whispers in my ear that she has no underwear on. And then she takes off her pants.
There it is, staring me in the face........it's a trap!
It all makes sense now... the weights on the floor, the large hands, the questions.....she was asking if I was a gay!!!!
OMG!
In my defense, if I can even make one, it was dark, I was drinking, and (if I can stereotype for a moment) Asians have small chests, and feminine features....does this make me gay? I hope not haha
Dude Wtf....How many times have you been raped by dudes alrdy lol...
On August 13 2011 11:07 supaplex wrote: fj i wouldnt want to hang out with you. just because i get tired of these fake stories too soon
Heh dude u live in the United States, its pretty regular for events that arent boring to seem unbelievable to you.
I did more cool shit in Minsk in the first 6 years of my life than I did in the past 10 years in America.
dont make me laugh. Please post some of your cool stories here. Then we talk. It better have Lukashenko in it because you know, the Emirate princess and cussing Bin Ladens bro is pretty common of a story
I'm a pretty awkward human being in general, so I have a lot of little embarrassing stories...but I'll share the most recent one because it's one that I remember clearly.
I was riding my longboard across an empty parking lot, when this random guy sees me and says, "Whoa, longboard huh?" And I was like, "Yeah!" all excited and stuff, because my longboard was brand new and I was really happy about it. The guy was like, "Cool!" and as I was riding past him I...I don't even know what I did, but I ended up on my ass on the ground with my board rolling away from me at a high speed. :<
On August 13 2011 11:31 meeyoop wrote: I'm a pretty awkward human being in general, so I have a lot of little embarrassing stories...but I'll share the most recent one because it's one that I remember clearly.
I was riding my longboard across an empty parking lot, when this random guy sees me and says, "Whoa, longboard huh?" And I was like, "Yeah!" all excited and stuff, because my longboard was brand new and I was really happy about it. The guy was like, "Cool!" and as I was riding past him I...I don't even know what I did, but I ended up on my ass on the ground with my board rolling away from me at a high speed. :<
Haha dude i remember when I was like 10 years old my parents bought me a dirt bike, and I was riding it around with some other neighborhood kids etc.
Anyways, the first day I got it everyone was like 'dude omg thats sick' etc. and when it was time to go home everyone watched me as I attempted to start it.
Well, being the genius 10 year old I was, I forgot that you have to have it in neutral when you start it. So, much to my surprise, instead of riding off like a hero, I started it in 1st gear and the bike threw me off and went like 20 feet as I sat there in the dirt as everyone watched with pretty much no skin on my knees at all lol.
Lol, yeah, like some people have said I'm not sure if I believe all of this stuff, but nonetheless they're fun to read. You should make that blog.
On August 13 2011 11:22 Gummy wrote: #1: When I was 20 I was still a virgin. #2: I am 20.
Not embarrasing unless you've been desperately trying to get laid for like the last 6 years. Then it'd be pretty of embarrassing, but only in the same way that failing at anything for a long period of time is pretty embarrassing.
On August 13 2011 11:13 Bartimaues wrote: FJ where did you get your name? Is it your actual first name as in some of your stories or is is a pseudonym? Also did you get it from the site Funnyjunk? Just curious.
It is not my real name, just more of a nick name. I replaced my real name with FJ in the stories. My friends call me FJ, but not my dad.
I wasn't so embarrassed in this one, but my parents were.
We (My parents, brother and I) were at LaGuardia Airport and I was flying down to Florida to meet my Aunt and Uncle who lived down in Eustis, Florida (Pronounced: Yoo-stiss). I'm in New York, so it's only like a 3 hour flight.
This was a good 7 years before 9/11. So we're at the baggage check-in and this woman's asking me the typical questions that a person gets asked... Now, I'm a bit of a wise-ass, I tell people it's the only type of ass I know how to be, and I don't always care or think before I say things...
So she asked me if anyone had touched my bags besides me and I told her, "No, I pack my own bombs!" My parents both gasped then face-palmed, LOL.
They've since spent a lot of time bringing this moment up to me in mini-lectures about growing up. The thing is, I've done sexual things, crazy things, stupid things and wise ass things, but I'm not generally embarrassed by them. If you're interested anyway, I'll share them, too, I just don't want to come off like I'm bragging or something.
When I was 13 or 14, I picked the phrase "go kill yourself" up. I think I heard it on TV or som.eone had said it, and I thought ii would sound cleaver if I said it too. Point is, this is a phrase I said all the time when someone even slightly annoyed me - and my younger brother annoyed me a lot.
So I am at my cousin's funeral.
Me and my brother, who always fight, get into some stupid argument while we were there, and I, without thinking, say "kill yourself!"
Everyone within earshot gets very uncomfortable, some of them - including my aunt, the mother of the dead cousin - start to cry again.
To make it worse? Afterwards I find out my cousin commited suicide. No one had told me how he had died.
Anyway, my dad, while crying (he was close to my cousin, and my comment upset him) takes me outside and goes off on me. I didn't say another word the whole day.
On August 13 2011 05:59 FJ wrote: I had this Filipina maid, well I suppose my family did. She came to the house everyday but Friday (Friday is a weekend in this Country)
She was of similar age to my parents, and had 3 children who all work and live in Dubai also. Now, I met her kids a couple times and we have had a couple chats on FB. She has a pretty daughter, and she has sent a few flirty messages to me.
They planned a big fun day in a mall, and they asked if I could like to go with them and their friends one particular friday.
So I went and met her kids and their friends in a mall and we hanged out. It was a good time, and in the evening, it ended up just me and the pretty daughter who was my age.
I asked if she wanted to come to my house since no one is home, and we can hang out for a while.
I genuinely had no intention to do this, it was an honest invite to the house to hang out for a couple hours before she goes home. But we ended up having sex. I felt bad when she was flirting with me, since her mother is my maid, but I am a 20 year old male human, and when a pretty girl is asking, how can I refuse?
So, why I always get caught I don't know. But the maid decided to come and clean the house anyway, I don't know why, it was her day off but she came to the house.
She knew I was out, my parents also, so she got to my room to clean, and since she expected no one home, she just walks in to catch me and her daughter in my bed......
It was the worst thing ever! I could have died.
The maid quit very soon after that, and never told my parents why she decided to leave.
Dude post a picture of what you look like as I cant imagine how a guy who gets as much ass as you wont look like casonava or some shit. I need to know what standards philipinos have L
1st grade, a girl in class saw me picking my nose, and she yelled "ewww stop picking your nose" and everyone laughed.
That and talking in front of class is always embarrassing for me, because I'm not very good at speaking in front of a group of people, so it makes it worse just thinking about how embarrassing it is.
When i was 15 my friend gave me a bet at a party to drink half a litre of vodka in under 10 seconds. Me, beign the man i was, accepted and drank it all. 5 minutes later i hook up with this girl and starts to make out with her. She needed to go get something and said like "be right back" only to come back and find me passed out vs a wall with nosebleeding and a bit of vomit on the floor. LOL
After it was over, I was standing with my friends together in the elevator...and I complained hard about the stupid questions. Everybody was looking at me awkwardly, I had no idea why.
When I got out I realized: the professor, who examined me, stood right behind me the whole elevator-trip. Now that was uncool.
Hmm I remember quite a few years ago while I was still living in the middle-east (Oman) and i was like 13 or so I had my first real experience with alcohol....
My older brother was just done with his final exams at school and he had some friends over and the lot of them are just drinking. About an hour or so after they arrive, not too long before my supposed bed time, my brother comes down to my room quite tipsy asking me to join them for some drinking games..
Had my parents been home, I would never have considered it but as it was, how could i resist.....So we start playing a few card games and my bro is making me take beer shots instead of anything stronger and we are all having a good time. However about an hour in I can already feel the alcohol building up but as I cant really relate the feeling to anything i ignore it.
Noticing this, my bro tells me to go to bed but before i do i decided to try and impress everyone there by grabbing for this 1 L glass of very much vodka favored Vodka-coke.....and chug about half of it.....
Needless to say my parents came home a few hours later to find me lying in an enormous pool of my own vomit on my bed The next morning both me and my brother had horrible hangovers, but somewhat naive as all mothers are, mine assumed i had food poisoning or something. Not until my brother accidentally showed her Facebook pictures of the night did she find out the truth.....
As a side note, I can attest that the stories FJ is telling are more realistic than they seem, given what it's like to live in the middle east....My school had several royals as well as the kids of minisers and government officials meaning you met many people "high up".....anyways great thread, keep them coming FJ :D
On August 13 2011 19:44 Undercat wrote: Okay there I was, being the OP of this thread.
and then i was BANGING this HOT chick who was FILIPINO OR SOMETHING
AND THEN some oddly specific and ridiculously intricate shit went down and it ended with everybody laughing in their underwear.
hahaha, do you live here also?
I have stories that don't involve hot girls.
So, I have a close friend, Filipina girl also. She lived in an apartment with about a dozen people, but she worked hard and managed to get together a higher paying job and because of the property going down so much, so could afford a small one bedroom place she could share with, and I quote 'Just 3 other people!'
She was really happy.
So I helped her move in, and she had the week off from work to sort things out. She invited me over to her house to see how the place looked now it was finished.
So I went there and we chilled out, enjoying her new home. She was telling me how she now feels very very lonely, living with just a few people, out from the city.
She was upset, she loves animals and wanted a puppy so bad, but she simply can not afford one. They cost ALOT on Dubai since arabs hate animals haha. I tried to cheer her up, and suggested we cook something nice, as the gas was just turned on, but we needed a few things first.
She told me she would cook a special beef dish for me I was happy, she is a great cook.
So we got in my car and headed to the open market. We went and bought some vegetables, and then headed for the meat section across the market.
I could write and entire book about what I have seen in this place, but not in this story.
As we headed for the market, we both heard a small yelp, and turned. We saw a small dog, locked in a tiny tiny cage, barely enough to stand. My friend ran over to the dog, and there was instant mutual affection between them. Despite the outward appearance of this scruffy mutt, it has the most amazing eyes, full of genuine expression.
The dog, despite it's condition, seemed happy to see my friend, and my friend happy to see the dog. After stroking and having her hand licked, she glanced at the price tag and squealed. She turned to me and said 'FJ, wow, should I get Jenrickson lang?' I asked, and she explained that was the name she just made up for him. So I said, 'You know what? Go for it, I will be happy for you'
So she took the cage to the counter, then said 'Ok, we will take half of this please. Skinned, but leave the bones.'
Then we went home and ate a special dog stew as apposed to the beef stew we intended to eat. What a heart warming tale noh?
On August 13 2011 19:44 Undercat wrote: Okay there I was, being the OP of this thread.
and then i was BANGING this HOT chick who was FILIPINO OR SOMETHING
AND THEN some oddly specific and ridiculously intricate shit went down and it ended with everybody laughing in their underwear.
hahaha, do you live here also?
I have stories that don't involve hot girls.
So, I have a close friend, Filipina girl also. She lived in an apartment with about a dozen people, but she worked hard and managed to get together a higher paying job and because of the property going down so much, so could afford a small one bedroom place she could share with, and I quote 'Just 3 other people!'
She was really happy.
So I helped her move in, and she had the week off from work to sort things out. She invited me over to her house to see how the place looked now it was finished.
So I went there and we chilled out, enjoying her new home. She was telling me how she now feels very very lonely, living with just a few people, out from the city.
She was upset, she loves animals and wanted a puppy so bad, but she simply can not afford one. They cost ALOT on Dubai since arabs hate animals haha. I tried to cheer her up, and suggested we cook something nice, as the gas was just turned on, but we needed a few things first.
She told me she would cook a special beef dish for me I was happy, she is a great cook.
So we got in my car and headed to the open market. We went and bought some vegetables, and then headed for the meat section across the market.
I could write and entire book about what I have seen in this place, but not in this story.
As we headed for the market, we both heard a small yelp, and turned. We saw a small dog, locked in a tiny tiny cage, barely enough to stand. My friend ran over to the dog, and there was instant mutual affection between them. Despite the outward appearance of this scruffy mutt, it has the most amazing eyes, full of genuine expression.
The dog, despite it's condition, seemed happy to see my friend, and my friend happy to see the dog. After stroking and having her hand licked, she glanced at the price tag and squealed. She turned to me and said 'FJ, wow, should I get Jenrickson lang?' I asked, and she explained that was the name she just made up for him. So I said, 'You know what? Go for it, I will be happy for you'
So she took the cage to the counter, then said 'Ok, we will take half of this please. Skinned, but leave the bones.'
Then we went home and ate a special dog stew as apposed to the beef stew we intended to eat. What a heart warming tale noh?
Sounds embarrassing to have to be around a girl like that, but not gonna start a moral debate, different strokes.
Hey i live in Dubai as well, where exactly do you stay? how long have you been here and how come you don't attend LAN's and such we have for Starcraft 2? :o
On August 13 2011 10:39 Seldentar wrote: I find most of them believable, but that last one with the Princess of the Emirate seemed a bit of a stretch especially considering the repetitiveness of you insulting all these super famous people without realizing who they were. You would've thought your sister would've told you that you would be hanging out with the Princess lol
You'd be surprised, the royal family is very much with an enclosed group of friends in Dubai.
On August 13 2011 11:07 supaplex wrote: fj i wouldnt want to hang out with you. just because i get tired of these fake stories too soon
I kinda feel like I am missing out on a great friendship.
If you came here to hang out, you would be living amazing stories.
That other guy was right though, you live in the USA, a western, established Country. This is the middle east, a very very different place indeed.
having spent 6 months in the mid east, his stories dont even lol me, its common you get the super rich and the ultra poor, lamborghini is as common as honda
pretty much a bunch of people got lucky on oil and now live the rich life without having any idea of what to do with their money
So I was banging like 2 asian girls at the same time, must be filipinos or some shit I dont know.
Anyway, I flashed my passport to them and the deal was sealed since I'm British.
So I kept changing between them in different positions (doggystyle, missionary, hot lunch being the main ones), well over 3 hours, when all of a sudden one of them just farted. LOL
So I just kept on banging them throughout the night and then did the same with another group of filipinos or something like that the next day.
Maybe I'll tell you what happened in that massive orgy I went to the other day but thats way too embarrassing.
Yeah, the royalty isn't the same as it is in England.
The Royalty is important, but the last daughter to an unimportant Emirate is I suppose about as famous as the mayors daughter to a Manchester in England.
Sure, it is interesting, but it is not like I meet someone like the Barack daughters.
On August 13 2011 21:21 Psychobabas wrote: So I was banging like 2 asian girls at the same time, must be filipinos or some shit I dont know.
Anyway, I flashed my passport to them and the deal was sealed since I'm British.
So I kept changing between them in different positions (doggystyle, missionary, hot lunch being the main ones), well over 3 hours, when all of a sudden one of them just farted. LOL
So I just kept on banging them throughout the night and then did the same with another group of filipinos or something like that the next day.
Maybe I'll tell you what happened in that massive orgy I went to the other day but thats way too embarrassing.
haha
I have never done that. But hey, there is lots of Filipino girls here, like, in the millions. They out number the actual genuine residents of the country!
But I don't get as much as the stories perhaps make it seem, it is just most of the time, it goes wrong hahaha
FJ , you are like the Tucker Max of the East :D consider a blog!!
mine: 13 years ago i had just arrived to the country i now live in and did not speak the language. Nevertheless i was sent to kindergarten ( i was 6) . I spoke better english than the teacher though , so we could kindof communicate. After a few weeks of getting really tired of understanding jack shit of what was been saying, this one day everybody was singing a song and my heart leaped because i thought i knew it too, so i loudly started to blurt out the (english) lyrics to the song. Turns out they were singing some good chilldren chistian song. I however was singing that song that goes like " i wanna have sex on the beach, come on move your body,..." LMAO i kid you not. best of all, when their song was done i continued singing the wrong song for a few seconds, because it was not done yet and then shyly stopped when i realised i was the only one singing ! my last words : SEX ON THE BEACH . The teacher told the chilldren to never repeat that phrase ( bad move ) and everybody ( including me, because i was clueless ) started asking her what "sex" ment
FJ, true or not, I am loving your stories. Again, make a blog. Tons of people, not just TL'ers would read read them.
Now... we need to stop making the thread about FJ and share some more stories, and leave feedback on the ones that do not take place in the middle east.
Another story by me.
I dressed up for The Rocky Horror Picture Show one year (Google it if you don't know what the costumes are like - if you are too lazy, think "over the top transvestite.").
A local movie theater runs it as a midnight movie to a packed house every month.
I was at a friend's house, and she lived close to the theater so we just walked over. We passed a bar on the way and three drunk guys come stumbling over to us, me and two (cute) girls.
Who do they hit on? Me (remember, I'm in costume).
Well, after I stop laughing and turn around, they run back to the bar (very embaraassed as well I am sure), and my friends tease me about it all night.
I was playing MMA in a best of three on xel'naga fortress.
So here's how it went down, he had his spread of seige tanks and marines, and I rolled that shit over like a blunt, but I didn't know he killed his own third, so I gged right after I killed his own army, not realizing he had killed his own third expansion. so yea that sucked
And then this other time at MLG, I was facing Liquid Huk, and he made a bunch of hallucinated void rays and I didn't know, so I left before realizing I wasn't loss and they were just halucinated
On August 13 2011 22:09 Ixirawr wrote: FJ, true or not, I am loving your stories. Again, make a blog. Tons of people, not just TL'ers would read read them.
Now... we need to stop making the thread about FJ and share some more stories, and leave feedback on the ones that do not take place in the middle east.
Another story by me.
I dressed up for The Rocky Horror Picture Show one year (Google it if you don't know what the costumes are like - if you are too lazy, think "over the top transvestite.").
A local movie theater runs it as a midnight movie to a packed house every month.
I was at a friend's house, and she lived close to the theater so we just walked over. We passed a bar on the way and three drunk guys come stumbling over to us, me and two (cute) girls.
Who do they hit on? Me (remember, I'm in costume).
Well, after I stop laughing and turn around, they run back to the bar (very embaraassed as well I am sure), and my friends tease me about it all night.
haha, picking up girls dressed as a transvestite, I like it haha.
[B]On August 13 2011 20:49 FJ wrote: I have stories that don't involve hot girls.
So, I have a close friend, Filipina girl also...
Just this bit here made me laugh particularly hard. Well done.
Despite that, I'm enjoying the antics, true or not. Also, just a little, wanting to go to Dubai. But why are there so many Filipinos in Dubai?
To be fair, that friend is pretty haha
Well, a little history for you. Dubai, 10 years ago was nothing. Suddenly the small (relative) amount of locals came into HUGE wealth, and they decided to make a massive hot spot of the world.
Now, you can't just from scratch build a city without help.
So the floodgates opened to workers from all over the world.
Now, the hire, in the millions, Filipinos and Indians, because they work for the lowest.
Every single store, has Filipino girls behind the counter, indian men stacking the shelves, and they earn very little. You will never, ever see a local arab, or even western person doing a job like that.
The Fillipinos are poor people, sad fact, but they make the best. To help their family, they come here for often menial jobs, live 15 to a room because it is in some cases better. So when they become in their low twenties, they come here. So there is loads and loads of beautiful, young asian girls
It is a sad fact though. My ex, she had a degree, went to college and had a good job in Phil, but she gave it up to stand behind a cash desk 12 hours a day because it was way more money than she got in Phil. She sends it all home.
The actual local arabs in this country make up about 15% of the population.
Once upon a time I was at my friend's house and I really needed to piss, coupled with one of those random boners where you don't really have enough space to stick it anywhere so it just ends up hurting. And I'm thinking, "There's the bathroom, nobody in the hallway, and the bathroom door is unlocked so I'm pretty much in the clear" So I just take it out because dammit it hurts like hell and open the door.
Turns out his dad forgot to shut the door. Now we're just staring at each other, he's sitting on the toilet, I'm just awkwardly holding my junk in my hand, he looks down and back to me and says, "Uhhh... hi?" And I don't know what to say at this point and I can't just run away, I'm rooted to the spot, so I say "I'll just uh.... lock this door for you, and we'll forget this ever happened." As soon as I clear the doorway I just run like hell. Ended up pissing into a water bottle.
And the sad thing is that I was pretty chill with his dad up to this point, now nobody knows why we don't make eye contact anymore.
On August 13 2011 21:21 Psychobabas wrote: So I was banging like 2 asian girls at the same time, must be filipinos or some shit I dont know.
Anyway, I flashed my passport to them and the deal was sealed since I'm British.
So I kept changing between them in different positions (doggystyle, missionary, hot lunch being the main ones), well over 3 hours, when all of a sudden one of them just farted. LOL
So I just kept on banging them throughout the night and then did the same with another group of filipinos or something like that the next day.
Maybe I'll tell you what happened in that massive orgy I went to the other day but thats way too embarrassing.
Oh dude remember that time when we were FINGERSLAMMING those questionably filipino maybe indian-or-something-chicks and then the PRINCE OF PERSIA WALTZED AND TURNED BACK THE SANDS OF TIME TO WHEN WE WERE ALL IN OUR UNDERWEAR STANDING AT THE SITE OF AN ACCIDENTAL MISSILE LAUNCH LOL IT WS HILARIOUS
I was at my cousin's house, and we were both in a skateboarding phase of our life. I just received my own board, and was still pretty bad at it. During skating, some of my family comes outside to look at those boys having fun. I skated over, and wanted to do the cool boardflip-into-the hand. so i flip the board.. it goes up... and for 2 seconds.. i hover in the air, the board comes between my legs.. I was like pierced for 2-3 seconds in midair. Luckily the damage was not too bad, and recovered in a few months
On August 13 2011 21:21 Psychobabas wrote: So I was banging like 2 asian girls at the same time, must be filipinos or some shit I dont know.
Anyway, I flashed my passport to them and the deal was sealed since I'm British.
So I kept changing between them in different positions (doggystyle, missionary, hot lunch being the main ones), well over 3 hours, when all of a sudden one of them just farted. LOL
So I just kept on banging them throughout the night and then did the same with another group of filipinos or something like that the next day.
Maybe I'll tell you what happened in that massive orgy I went to the other day but thats way too embarrassing.
Oh dude remember that time when we were FINGERSLAMMING those questionably filipino maybe indian-or-something-chicks and then the PRINCE OF PERSIA WALTZED AND TURNED BACK THE SANDS OF TIME TO WHEN WE WERE ALL IN OUR UNDERWEAR STANDING AT THE SITE OF AN ACCIDENTAL MISSILE LAUNCH LOL IT WS HILARIOUS
Ok, I've got one also. So, me and a friend were talking about some hot chicks we now, and I said I knew a girl from my high school class, that has amazing tits and all that. A couple months later when we were at a party, we ran into another girl from that same high school class of mine, which is actually like the best friend of that one with great tits. So, we were talking, and I introduced my friend, which was really drunk at that moment. So, I dont know why, he started talking lies, saying that I was crazy about her, and all that shit and then asked if she knew the girl with large tits I had told him about, and she obviously said 'oh, yes, yes, thats my friend'... I was like: FUCK, WHY WONT YOU SHUT UP!...
I felt so so embarressed, that I just wanted to disappear. I completely ruined her image of me...lol
When I was in 7th grade my mom would usually pick me up from school with her brand new spanking Camry 2007 when the new model was first released. So one day when I was getting out of school for some reason I was really really out of it, the sun was bright, I had a headache and I really felt fatigued so I saw a silver car( same color as the camry) and I got into into it in the passenger seat and then I was like hey mom im so hungry can we go get some burgers and can I come over to my friend's house next weekend? After I said that sentence I began to look around the car and I saw that it wasn't my own and the lady sitting in the drivers seat was like what the fuck since I was speaking Vietnamese to a white lady AND there was some random kid who just went into her car.
Needless to say I said "Oops...wrong car" and ran into the REAL car which was right across from the car I accidently went into with my parents going what the fuck and me trying to hide to avoid embaressment >.<
Story One: "You should know when you have gone too far"
When I was in High School a few of my friends convinced me that I should be more of a redneck. Living in Kentucky it would have been acceptable for me to do so. So one night they had me completely convinced, I was dressed up in my blue jeans, my blue jean button up shirt, big metal belt buckle and large cowboy hat. I then proceeded to dance to "Cotton Eyed Joe" for the next five hours. At the time it was not embarassing, looking back on it I am ashamed.
Story Two: "Jagermeister is NOT a friend of mine" Long read, and NSFW
I have gotten drunk plenty of times, but only the times that I drink Jager do I have really bad experiences. I was in College (just out of high school) and this one girl that I knew decided she needed to "practice" having sex and that I was the logical choice. So she was talking to me and we were making a "plan" on what day we should do this event (which by the way for people thinking about having sex for the first time NEVER PLAN IT IT WILL MESS UP COMPLETELY). It was decided that she would be in charge of getting alcohol (for our nerves) and I would be in charge of getting the porn (for the mood). I ended up in the mall at a Suncoast Video. I was sweating like crazy because I had never been shopping for a porno, and what made it worse I had to ask the cashier girl if they had any other choices besides what was out on the shelves because they were "not of my taste". Of course, what I probably really said was "do you have some of people having sex" cuz all they had was the girls gone wild videos. I am not really sure how I phrased it, my mind probably deleted the memory out of complete shame of me.
So I ended up going to one of those "gag gift" shops to get the porno and was happily on my way back home to get ready for the next nights activities. So the next day we are both at this party (cover story, we had it all planned #Geniuses) and I was wearing a turtleneck (OMG WTF really? Can someone explain who in their right mind decides "I think the best way to lose my virginity is wearing a turtleneck". You can't explain it, cuz its stupid. Heed my failures readers, do not fall for the same trap that I did many years ago). Anyway so the night goes on and everyone else starts to fall asleep and we tell everyone we are not tired yet and are going to the bedroom to watch a movie (ya i know its a lame ass cover story, but we thought we were #Geniuses remember?). So we pop in a movie and wait for about 30 minutes for everyone else to go to sleep, all the the while getting more and more drunk.
Thirty minutes pass and she says the magical phrase "put in the porno now, its time'. Which as any man knows is THE greatest pickup line ever. So I put in the DVD and we start watching this movie. About five minutes in I start thinking to myself "this is really good I might have to take care of my own business" and then I feel someone else's hand on my thigh and remembered I was not there alone. She asks "are you ready?" and I try to suavely say "why yes, I am". But what actually came out was a dry coughing "sure" cuz at that point the nerves had started to set in.
If any of you all have ever tried to have relations while drunk you may know that occasionally your stuff will not work as well as it does when you wake up in the morning. So add that to the fact that I was nervous as all hell and it turned out I could not stay hard. My mind kept trying to be "in the moment" but it kept going back to weird visions of pointing and laughing that had never even happened. Shes there trying her best to work her magic and I decide that maybe if I tried to pleasure her, I would regain my stature. So she laid down on her back and I prepare to dive right in. So I get into position, take a deep breathe, and immediately sober up.
At this point in my life I had never experienced what I was experiencing, so I had no way of knowing whether or not it was a "normal" aroma or something was off. I knew perfectly well I could not flat out ask "Is it supposed to smell like this?' or something of the sort cuz even though it was going horribly I still wanted to try to get laid. After a minute of sitting there staring, we both decided that it was not going to work and decided to stop for the night.
The next morning I went into the kitchen where her brother was making a sandwich. I am still a bit tired and not hungry and just sat down and shot the shit for a bit. After awhile I start to smell the same smell I had smelt the night before. First I looked around the room to see if the girl just walked in, and secondly I started to sniff my fingers but was unable to come up with the source of the smell. The girls brother called me over to the counter and asked "You like pepperjack cheese?" "I've never even had it" says I. He responds to this by throwing a piece of pepperjack cheese in my face and saying "smell this, it smells great doesn't it?" As it turns out, it was this cheese that was causing that aroma this morning, and not my fingers. So after connecting the smell of the cheese with the smell from the previous night I nearly throw up right there in the kitchen.
Please note, the embarassing part HAS NOT YET HAPPENED.
A week later me and the girl had since decided that we were not going to "practice" anymore and we were going to keep it a secret, but we both ended up at the same party again (small place). We stay away from each other all night but I had to go into this one room to look for my friend. As soon as I walk into the room everyone starts laughing, and it did not take long for me to figure out why. The practice girl was pointing to her finger that she could not "get up" and pointed to me, then back to her finger. As I stood there, getting ridiculed by a room full of girls I could not think of what to do. I glanced down and saw a bottle of Jager, took it, and turned around and walked out the door without saying anything. I spent the rest of the night finishing off the bottle alone on the front porch swing.
To make matters even worse (yea I know) she had not only told all the girls in that room about it, but also all the girls in her class at school about it. Luckily since I was in college I did not have to deal with it directly, but caught wind of it when other friends of mine her age started to ask me about it. To this day, I can not eat pepperjack cheese.
Sorry for the long read, but to understand the embarassing part you need to know how that came to be in the first place. I got a few more stories that I had purposefully forgotten about that this reminded me of (thank you internet) that I will tell later.
Okay. It was a party. A real hollywood-ish highschool party where everyone just arrived even if you knew who lived there or not. (That sort of things was rare in my youth). I was 15-16 maybe and it was the wildest party i had ever been to.
The parents of the girl "hosting" the party was of course not home and everything kinda went wild. First of, my friend and I had a game where we should touch as many female ass' as possible - which goes without saying got me in some dicy situations. Furthermore we got pretty drunk after drinking whatever we brought at then raiding the parents booze closet drinking whiskey and the like (strong stuff for a kid normally drinking beer). What happened was, that just inside the entrance to the house was a room (guestroom i think) where everyone just threw their jacket and shoes. Since the house was full, people started hanging out in the room aswell. At some point it got warm in there so we opened this 2x2m window. When we opened it the window fell out of the frame and landed on the bed in the guestroom... And what does a drunk 16 year old kid think... "Oh shit... we'd better put this back" (I'm a wuzz ) So we're trying to set the window back in the frame from the inside while the room was filled with jackets, shoes and people looking. It wasn't working so the mastermind I am: "Lets try from the outside" We get this huge windows from the guestroom outside and just when we walk trough the frontdoor an older couple walks up to the house. It was the parents. Never met them and i hope i never will again. They started shouting and my friend and I just put the window down and got away asap... I felt pretty bad the evening!
On August 13 2011 23:50 Silencbank wrote: Story One: "You should know when you have gone too far"
When I was in High School a few of my friends convinced me that I should be more of a redneck. Living in Kentucky it would have been acceptable for me to do so. So one night they had me completely convinced, I was dressed up in my blue jeans, my blue jean button up shirt, big metal belt buckle and large cowboy hat. I then proceeded to dance to "Cotton Eyed Joe" for the next five hours. At the time it was not embarassing, looking back on it I am ashamed.
Story Two: "Jagermeister is NOT a friend of mine" Long read, and NSFW
I have gotten drunk plenty of times, but only the times that I drink Jager do I have really bad experiences. I was in College (just out of high school) and this one girl that I knew decided she needed to "practice" having sex and that I was the logical choice. So she was talking to me and we were making a "plan" on what day we should do this event (which by the way for people thinking about having sex for the first time NEVER PLAN IT IT WILL MESS UP COMPLETELY). It was decided that she would be in charge of getting alcohol (for our nerves) and I would be in charge of getting the porn (for the mood). I ended up in the mall at a Suncoast Video. I was sweating like crazy because I had never been shopping for a porno, and what made it worse I had to ask the cashier girl if they had any other choices besides what was out on the shelves because they were "not of my taste". Of course, what I probably really said was "do you have some of people having sex" cuz all they had was the girls gone wild videos. I am not really sure how I phrased it, my mind probably deleted the memory out of complete shame of me.
So I ended up going to one of those "gag gift" shops to get the porno and was happily on my way back home to get ready for the next nights activities. So the next day we are both at this party (cover story, we had it all planned #Geniuses) and I was wearing a turtleneck (OMG WTF really? Can someone explain who in their right mind decides "I think the best way to lose my virginity is wearing a turtleneck". You can't explain it, cuz its stupid. Heed my failures readers, do not fall for the same trap that I did many years ago). Anyway so the night goes on and everyone else starts to fall asleep and we tell everyone we are not tired yet and are going to the bedroom to watch a movie (ya i know its a lame ass cover story, but we thought we were #Geniuses remember?). So we pop in a movie and wait for about 30 minutes for everyone else to go to sleep, all the the while getting more and more drunk.
Thirty minutes pass and she says the magical phrase "put in the porno now, its time'. Which as any man knows is THE greatest pickup line ever. So I put in the DVD and we start watching this movie. About five minutes in I start thinking to myself "this is really good I might have to take care of my own business" and then I feel someone else's hand on my thigh and remembered I was not there alone. She asks "are you ready?" and I try to suavely say "why yes, I am". But what actually came out was a dry coughing "sure" cuz at that point the nerves had started to set in.
If any of you all have ever tried to have relations while drunk you may know that occasionally your stuff will not work as well as it does when you wake up in the morning. So add that to the fact that I was nervous as all hell and it turned out I could not stay hard. My mind kept trying to be "in the moment" but it kept going back to weird visions of pointing and laughing that had never even happened. Shes there trying her best to work her magic and I decide that maybe if I tried to pleasure her, I would regain my stature. So she laid down on her back and I prepare to dive right in. So I get into position, take a deep breathe, and immediately sober up.
At this point in my life I had never experienced what I was experiencing, so I had no way of knowing whether or not it was a "normal" aroma or something was off. I knew perfectly well I could not flat out ask "Is it supposed to smell like this?' or something of the sort cuz even though it was going horribly I still wanted to try to get laid. After a minute of sitting there staring, we both decided that it was not going to work and decided to stop for the night.
The next morning I went into the kitchen where her brother was making a sandwich. I am still a bit tired and not hungry and just sat down and shot the shit for a bit. After awhile I start to smell the same smell I had smelt the night before. First I looked around the room to see if the girl just walked in, and secondly I started to sniff my fingers but was unable to come up with the source of the smell. The girls brother called me over to the counter and asked "You like pepperjack cheese?" "I've never even had it" says I. He responds to this by throwing a piece of pepperjack cheese in my face and saying "smell this, it smells great doesn't it?" As it turns out, it was this cheese that was causing that aroma this morning, and not my fingers. So after connecting the smell of the cheese with the smell from the previous night I nearly throw up right there in the kitchen.
Please note, the embarassing part HAS NOT YET HAPPENED.
A week later me and the girl had since decided that we were not going to "practice" anymore and we were going to keep it a secret, but we both ended up at the same party again (small place). We stay away from each other all night but I had to go into this one room to look for my friend. As soon as I walk into the room everyone starts laughing, and it did not take long for me to figure out why. The practice girl was pointing to her finger that she could not "get up" and pointed to me, then back to her finger. As I stood there, getting ridiculed by a room full of girls I could not think of what to do. I glanced down and saw a bottle of Jager, took it, and turned around and walked out the door without saying anything. I spent the rest of the night finishing off the bottle alone on the front porch swing.
To make matters even worse (yea I know) she had not only told all the girls in that room about it, but also all the girls in her class at school about it. Luckily since I was in college I did not have to deal with it directly, but caught wind of it when other friends of mine her age started to ask me about it. To this day, I can not eat pepperjack cheese.
Sorry for the long read, but to understand the embarassing part you need to know how that came to be in the first place. I got a few more stories that I had purposefully forgotten about that this reminded me of (thank you internet) that I will tell later.
Why not tell all of your friends that she smells like pepperjack cheese?
On August 13 2011 20:49 FJ wrote: Then we went home and ate a special dog stew as apposed to the beef stew we intended to eat. What a heart warming tale noh?
the first like 5 times i read this i thought you meant you ate the dog LOL
On August 13 2011 20:49 FJ wrote: Then we went home and ate a special dog stew as apposed to the beef stew we intended to eat. What a heart warming tale noh?
the first like 5 times i read this i thought you meant you ate the dog LOL
Well, this is awkward, because, that is exactly what I did.....
Remember, she asked for the dog to be skinned, but not boned....
It tastes a bit bland, like generic red meat. It tastes like rat....anyone else had rat?
you should make a tumblr FJ! I bet loads of people would follow you!
Also, my Dad has been working in Katar for several years now, and I think it's very similar to Dubai in the sense that Indians and Pakistanis live terrible lives there as the labour class. I only visited for a few days at a time, so I didn't really have much contact with the people there, but it seems to me that it's basically impossible to meet anyone in a country like that, so mad props to you for finding so many friends there!
This is gross looking back, but when I was younger and first discovering the joys of pleasuring myself, I would sometimes just let it fall onto the floor, and the family dog (black lab) would lick it up. No fussing with tissues or anything for me.
That right there is embarassing to admit.
Anyway, one time I was doing this and the dog came towards me as I was finishing, and it landed on the top of his head. I wiped it off, but there were these white spots matted into his fur, that stayed there for a few weeks until the next time he got a bath.
No one ever said "what's that in his hair?" But I knew what it was...
FJ, you have made my day with these stories. And it even just so happens to be my birthday. I thank you for sharing sir and hope you continue to do so. <333333333
On August 13 2011 20:49 FJ wrote: Then we went home and ate a special dog stew as apposed to the beef stew we intended to eat. What a heart warming tale noh?
the first like 5 times i read this i thought you meant you ate the dog LOL
Well, this is awkward, because, that is exactly what I did.....
Remember, she asked for the dog to be skinned, but not boned....
It tastes a bit bland, like generic red meat. It tastes like rat....anyone else had rat?
oh =o. well at least now i know i wasnt wrong the first 5 times
I don't really have any super awkward stories, just a few anecdotes where I was really embarassed :p
1) I'm a pretty skinny/pale/fragile guy. Now, this isn't really a problem, except for whenever I have to go somewhere in the morning and skip breakfast/not drink something when I wake up. Well, a couple of years ago I had to take some medicine but before that I had to go to the hospital so they could extract some blood samples to determine the correct daily dose. I had to go there at like 6 in the morning and had to go there on a "sober stomach". The nurse that took the samples was actually pretty cute and I was (unsuccesfully of course, I was a fucking highschool nerd) trying to flirt with her. While the needle stuck in my arm and she was draining a second bottle, my vision turned blurry and I passed out on the floor. That was the first time I feinted in my life, and I discovered then your whole body turns pretty numb when it happens leading to me pissing all over my pants/the floor >.> My dad, who was there with me, was actually really helpfull (I was still really drowsy even after waking up) but I remember walking across the parking lot with an obsiouly wet pants and a lot of people looking at me
2) I often have that moment where you say something bad and it turns out someone involved in whatever you're saying stands right next to you. This one time, I was ranting to my friends (and a couple of their friends I didn't know) about a teacher of mine, insulting him and the usual stuff. Turns out one of the folk I didn't know was his daughter >.> This is actually quite mean of me but w/e. I was sitting in the schoolbus, we were on a fieldtrip. There was this girl in my class that was a bit of a snob, and her mother had died like... 10 years ago at the time. Now, obviously that's horrible and all, but she was really exploiting the whole thing, she was quite the attention whore. Obviously I had to go off on a monologue to my friend trashing this girl pretty badly when it turns out she sat RIGHT behind me. I honestly don't know how I could've missed that but whatever. She started crying and ran to the other end of the bus. I felt pretty horrible :s
3) When I was 17, I got drunk for the first time. I'm Belgian, so I've been drinking beer since the age of... 12, 13 or sth. It's widely accepted for kids to start sipping beers and drinking a glass or sth at the dinner table. I hadn't ever gotten drunk though. Anyways, my brother (who is 2 years older than me and was in his first year of university at the time) threw a party with some college friends, at our place. I went into it thinking "I'll have a few drinks, have a good time, I'm not planning on getting drunk but if it happens, oh well." I went completely overboard. I had something like 30 beers, then a good 10 more of those slightly more fancy beers (~10%alcohol-ish) and then drank half a bottle of jenever (I think this is gin in english, it's like ~30-40% alcohol). Do note up untill then I never drank more than what, 5 beers? I have no memory of that night after my 20th beer, and found out what happened because of facebook photos >.> The morning after, I woke up in my bed, filled with puke. I had actually slept in my own vomit, it had crusted onto my face. I vomited over 20 seperate times that day. I'm actually surprised my dad wasn't mad. He was fairly disappointed, still he cleaned my sheets and didn't bother me with questions all that much (I was a pretty good kid in general, not rly a troublemaker). Anyways, as it turns out, I had: poured beer over myself while dancing on a table, shirtless, with a bucket (dear god I hope this was empty then) upside down on my head; I had dryhumped some tattooed guy I don't even know the name of to this day, then later that guy chased me, naked, through my own house. Strangest night of my life to be honest.
4) I just finished my first year of university. Now, I didn't do that much crazy shit, I'm actually going out/drinking way more than I should but I try to not let myself go crazy as I'm studying physics and it's really fucking tough Anyways, some fond memories include: My friends mock me for the fact that I've never had a girlfriend before, nor kissed a girl (pretty sad I know, but it doesn't bother me that much). They don't mean any harm though, it's all good fun. Unfortunatly, every single time some of them get drunk they try to hook me up with the most random people ever. Like, one night they intentionally dragged me to every fat chick in the bar asking "Do you want to be the Moby Dick to his Ahab?" (lame pun, I know). They've also purposely got mutual (female) friends of ours drunk in attempt to get me laid. This leads to me, helplessly trying to convince some girl that's pretty attractive and fun (but that I don't wanna 'bang in the alley') that no, she should not learn me how to take of a bra, nor let me feel her up in a public area. These same friends of mine are the people I hang out with all the time. Most of them are in the same faculty (the one that contains language/regional studies, history, art, that kind of stuff) so naturally we hang out in their faculty bar all the time. This also happens to be the place where the university organises parties for foreign exchange students. Obviously we try to sneak in all the time. Me and a buddy actually managed to get in under the names "Dimitri and Boris, from Belarus" (no idea why we picked that country). We started hitting on some girls, drinking a bit, when suddenly we meet some guy that's actually_from_Belarus What are the odds huh ^^ anyways, the awkward moment happens when, after we explain to him we're just belgian kids trying to have fun, he starts trying to convince us to go to Minsk, and that it'd be great. He said "it's a very nice place, lots of beautiful girls, or boys if you're like that". He continues to describe him fucking some 16 year old boy and how it was a wonderfull "first gay experience for him". I think after a while we just walked away in confusion xD
that's all I can think of off the top of my head. sorry if they're underwhelming, and apologies for the wall of text
4) I just finished my first year of university. Now, I didn't do that much crazy shit, I'm actually going out/drinking way more than I should but I try to not let myself go crazy as I'm studying physics and it's really fucking tough Anyways, some fond memories include: My friends mock me for the fact that I've never had a girlfriend before, nor kissed a girl (pretty sad I know, but it doesn't bother me that much). They don't mean any harm though, it's all good fun. Unfortunatly, every single time some of them get drunk they try to hook me up with the most random people ever. Like, one night they intentionally dragged me to every fat chick in the bar asking "Do you want to be the Moby Dick to his Ahab?" (lame pun, I know). They've also purposely got mutual (female) friends of ours drunk in attempt to get me laid. This leads to me, helplessly trying to convince some girl that's pretty attractive and fun (but that I don't wanna 'bang in the alley') that no, she should not learn me how to take of a bra, nor let me feel her up in a public area. These same friends of mine are the people I hang out with all the time. Most of them are in the same faculty (the one that contains language/regional studies, history, art, that kind of stuff) so naturally we hang out in their faculty bar all the time. This also happens to be the place where the university organises parties for foreign exchange students. Obviously we try to sneak in all the time. Me and a buddy actually managed to get in under the names "Dimitri and Boris, from Belarus" (no idea why we picked that country). We started hitting on some girls, drinking a bit, when suddenly we meet some guy that's actually_from_Belarus What are the odds huh ^^ anyways, the awkward moment happens when, after we explain to him we're just belgian kids trying to have fun, he starts trying to convince us to go to Minsk, and that it'd be great. He said "it's a very nice place, lots of beautiful girls, or boys if you're like that". He continues to describe him fucking some 16 year old boy and how it was a wonderfull "first gay experience for him". I think after a while we just walked away in confusion xD
that's all I can think of off the top of my head. sorry if they're underwhelming, and apologies for the wall of text
Brilliant!
Mine's not really embarrassing, more just extremely awkward:
So I'm skiing in Val d'Isere with my mates, and we go to a pub to watch the Champions League match between Arsenal and Barcalona (you know the one where Messi scored 4 goals in 20 mins). As it's like the 2nd last day of the trip, the only t-shirt I have left is one sporting the grand phrase he's gay (One like thisOne like this). Anyway, it gets to half time and this german woman next to me turns around and says "Sorry if my English not so good, what does your shirt mean?"
Needless to say, a lot of hand movements and ums followed...
Funny, that was the same night as when we got a gin bottle run over by a piste basher and a mate lost his glasses...
its after school, im playing bball with some friends ya know i go up to intercept and smack the ball, but then it goes and hits some dudes who are known as trouble makers, right on their boom box
now they get all pissed and come up, and im like chill, well they dont want to chill, they grab me and swing me around and around, so yea i get into that fight
my mom hears of this, and she's all worried, and says that i have to move in with my auntie and uncle in bel air.
I was driving to see some relatives up in Utah (I live in SoCal). So I stop for gas at this one place and its rather cold outside. I walk inside to use the bathroom and buy a bag of sunflower seeds. So I buy the bag and have like 70 cents or so in change. I walk back out to the car and i see this older black guy standing there with a paper coffee cup like you would get at Stabucks or something stretched out. So i walk by and place my change in this cup. Then i hear *plop plop plop*. Dropped my changed right into this poor guys coffee.
On August 14 2011 04:14 Arathore wrote: I was driving to see some relatives up in Utah (I live in SoCal). So I stop for gas at this one place and its rather cold outside. I walk inside to use the bathroom and buy a bag of sunflower seeds. So I buy the bag and have like 70 cents or so in change. I walk back out to the car and i see this older black guy standing there with a paper coffee cup like you would get at Stabucks or something stretched out. So i walk by and place my change in this cup. Then i hear *plop plop plop*. Dropped my changed right into this poor guys coffee.
So, a girl from work asked me to her house for a party, it was her birthday.
So I went to the party, and since they're Filipino, we ate dog and rat that night. I got pretty drunk, but all in all, a good night.
Now, it was a stupid idea, but the party was a the night before work. I tried to say it was alright since I was on the afternoon shift, and I wont drink much. Well I did, quite a lot.
I went to word the next day, and felt pretty ill about it.
All through the shift I was feeling worse and worse and worse.
It came to the end of the shift, I made it, finally.
I was really excited and sat up hastily....big mistake. The quick movement made me vomit into my own mouth, I ran to the bathroom but around the corner was my boss. I bumped into her and puked up chunks of dog and rat onto her shoes and legs.
FML
She was cool about it though. After I was sick, I felt great haha. I cleaned it up and went home. She never even mentioned it, just asked how I was. That, without directly saying, but it was obvious she knew, she suggested the staff don't get together and get pissed on a work night.
On August 14 2011 04:14 Arathore wrote: I was driving to see some relatives up in Utah (I live in SoCal). So I stop for gas at this one place and its rather cold outside. I walk inside to use the bathroom and buy a bag of sunflower seeds. So I buy the bag and have like 70 cents or so in change. I walk back out to the car and i see this older black guy standing there with a paper coffee cup like you would get at Stabucks or something stretched out. So i walk by and place my change in this cup. Then i hear *plop plop plop*. Dropped my changed right into this poor guys coffee.
On August 14 2011 03:50 amd098 wrote: so here's one
its after school, im playing bball with some friends ya know i go up to intercept and smack the ball, but then it goes and hits some dudes who are known as trouble makers, right on their boom box
now they get all pissed and come up, and im like chill, well they dont want to chill, they grab me and swing me around and around, so yea i get into that fight
my mom hears of this, and she's all worried, and says that i have to move in with my auntie and uncle in bel air.
That is the worst Fresh Price of Bel Air reference ever...
seriously FJ should just spam stories out, they are too entertaining...damn Filipino girls, they be too easy...
Was going to see my old band play but was rather bitter about being kicked out so started drinking heavily.
I'm not a malicious drunk by any means, merely idiotic. We ended up in some hotel trying to prise open some shutters with the rationale being 'Oh, well we can pour our own and pay in reception'. Security evidently didn't share our belief that this was a good idea so we got chased out of the place
My next brainwave was that I would scale some 8 foot high fences and hide out in a park overnight, but sadly I managed to impale my scrotum on said fence, puncturing it. The alcohol masked this pain so I didn't notice until 3pm the next day, but it was still somewhat inconvenient. My friends were also somewhat too drunk to help me so we had to rely on a friendly German passer-by to rescue me
Next day upon noticing my injury I rang my friend to speak to his mum (who is a nurse) and despite her laughs got some solid medical advice. I decided, being still a bit loaded that I would make it into work and upon being quizzed about my peculiar walking stance explained the story
Sadly I have been a complete joke in my workplace since this, possibly not without reason
Oh and to add even more horror I had some girl travelling up from Dublin who for some strange reason wanted to have sex with me, she also had that like 4 day stubble down below, I swear to god the discomfort of fucking under those conditions has scarred me to this day
On August 14 2011 04:14 Arathore wrote: I was driving to see some relatives up in Utah (I live in SoCal). So I stop for gas at this one place and its rather cold outside. I walk inside to use the bathroom and buy a bag of sunflower seeds. So I buy the bag and have like 70 cents or so in change. I walk back out to the car and i see this older black guy standing there with a paper coffee cup like you would get at Stabucks or something stretched out. So i walk by and place my change in this cup. Then i hear *plop plop plop*. Dropped my changed right into this poor guys coffee.
On August 14 2011 12:27 Ixirawr wrote: Once, while going down on a girl, I discovered in a very unpleasant way that she wipes in a downwards direction.
On August 14 2011 12:27 Ixirawr wrote: Once, while going down on a girl, I discovered in a very unpleasant way that she wipes in a downwards direction.
So today I headed to Ras Al Kaihmah. I needed to go to the boarder to visit the immigration office.
After driving in the desert a couple hours I get to a tiny breeze block, worn down shanty town, with all sorts of cattle roaming the streets.
I make my way to the boarder, leave, comeback and do what I need to do in the actually fancy modern office.
I step outside, and there is rocks and sand as far as the eye can see. I truly am in the middle of no where. As I head back to the car, a bloody goat head butts me in the back of the legs!
I turn and there are 3 goats staring at me, and the first one goes for me again.
Well, I ain't taking this from a goat, so shout at it, and it begins trotting away. So I give chase to this goat that through his goaty face seemed to be smirking at me.
I quickly get the goat and try to slap it, to teach it a lesson.
As I am nearing the goat and raising my hand. I hear a lot of shouting in Arabic. I turn around again, and from the immigration office, 6 Arab men, two with batons, all in official looking uniforms step out, shouting at me, and start jogging toward me.
They continue the shouting, and grab me, and march me back to the office.
I found myself in front of the head of immigration explaining why I slapped his families goats.....
few years ago i had a STD and went to the urology clinic. there were mostly old people in the waiting room. so it was my turn, the doc's assistant was a middle-aged woman. so he was just grabbing my penis with my pants down, she was leaning close to me. the doc's office had a small anteroom with a 2nd door so noone was supposed to see inside but the door was open. then just as the assistant was grabbing on me an old man opens the door, and pretty much everyone outside stares at me.
an other one: me and a few friends were having drinks outside, at a square. we got pretty drunk and 2 of us went to some bushes to pee (it's illegal to urinate on the street of course). i was in a pretty silly mood and started to chase my friend around yelling I'M GONNA PEE ON YOU, with my pants down. then it got a bit suspicious that everyone's silent, looked at my other friends who were sitting on some benches, they were laughing their asses off. i turn around, 2 policewomen were looking at me with hands crossed, head shaking. one of them asked "you do it like this at home too?" then "wash your hands. right now." there was a fountain there. and i washed my hands for like 10 minutes until they left.
I have a story, that doesn't involve me banging an asian chick haha.
There is a shop near my house that delivers ANYTHING at anytime of the day or night. Seriously....
It was fairly late at night, I had no drinks in the house, and fancied a coke. So I call the shop and have them deliver one for me.
Now, you know those times when all of a sudden you just need a massive shit? Well right after the phone call, I experienced one of those times, I just had to go.
While doing my business the door bell rings. I was the only one in the house, so no one could answer.
I just decided to let it ring out, and I will call the shop back. But they guy wouldn't quit, he kept ringing and ringing...
I try to shout 'wait a moment' but I am not sure if he couldn't hear me, or didn't know what I was saying (We have a huge language problem)
Then, I hear the front door open....he just walked in.
'Hello, Mr FJ sir, where are you?'
OH SHIT!
Since no one is home, I just left the bathroom door open, and it is too far from the seat to close. I couldn't get up, I was right in the middle of a massive shit.
'Sir, where are you?'
I shouted 'Errr, I am just through here. Wait a moment'
He doesn't understand...he walks towards my voice...me...in the bathroom taking a shit...
I did the only thing the comes to mind. I quickly remove my pants, and try to throw it at the door to close it.....I miss...
'Hello sir, I have you deliverings...'
FUCK
He is coming, he is right near the door.
I remove my shirt, now leaving myself naked, and give it a hurl at the door...success, it hits, and the door swings shut....but not before he STEPS into the room!!!
So I am sat there, in the middle of a massive, everlasting shit, and I now have an Indian man, staring right at my balls.....shit
And you know what? He doesn't even act phased...He just fucking looks at me, like there is nothing out of the ordinary in this situation and says 'Hello sir, I have your delivering. 1 DHM please....'
I shout for him to get out...he just stands there looking, he barely speaks english, and he obviously sees nothing wrong about this.
He just repeats...1 DHM sir.
What else can I do?
I say 'Her...er...there is some change in my pants. On the floor, by your feet'
So he roots through my pants, digs out the money, leaves the coke of the floor and just leaves.
I wish I could say that that was the most embarrassing situation of my life....Doesn't even score my top 10....
Flew into Spain once for vacation. Don't know if it was the flight or the food or what, but right when we're landing I realize I am in desperate need of a poo. I know I'm not even supposed to be unbuckling, forget sprinting to the back of the plane. This is my first flight, I'm 15, I'm too embarrassed to try to explain to a flight attendant what's going on. So I sit there.
We land. We taxi to the terminal. Everyone does the awkward grab-your-bags-and-penguin-shuffle-to-the-front-of-the-plane--and I'm sitting there, my bowels screaming, begging for release. Every time I think I'm about to shit--every time I think there's no way I can hold it any longer--I find another plateau of the most primal kind of pain.
But finally FINALLY I make it into to the terminal. I'm afraid that running will only jiggle everything out into the open so I highspeed-duckwalk to the nearest bathroom. Opening the door, expecting the blessed release of a toilet, I'm met only with urinal after urinal lining the entire wall. Surely there's a stall somewhere in here, maybe around the corner? But no. Nowhere in this entire public bathroom was there a toilet to be found.
At this point there really wasn't much of a choice. I dropped through and spewed forth liquid-brown shit junks all across that fucking urinal, praying to whatever God there is in Spain that no one walked in on me.
Is this some crazy European custom? Is shitting in public bathrooms not allowed in Spain? Did I just find the single bathroom in the world only equipped for pissing? Hell if I know. But it was traumatic, humiliating, and horrifying.
On August 15 2011 20:44 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Flew into Spain once for vacation. Don't know if it was the flight or the food or what, but right when we're landing I realize I am in desperate need of a poo. I know I'm not even supposed to be unbuckling, forget sprinting to the back of the plane. This is my first flight, I'm 15, I'm too embarrassed to try to explain to a flight attendant what's going on. So I sit there.
We land. We taxi to the terminal. Everyone does the awkward grab-your-bags-and-penguin-shuffle-to-the-front-of-the-plane--and I'm sitting there, my bowels screaming, begging for release. Every time I think I'm about to shit--every time I think there's no way I can hold it any longer--I find another plateau of the most primal kind of pain.
But finally FINALLY I make it into to the terminal. I'm afraid that running will only jiggle everything out into the open so I highspeed-duckwalk to the nearest bathroom. Opening the door, expecting the blessed release of a toilet, I'm met only with urinal after urinal lining the entire wall. Surely there's a stall somewhere in here, maybe around the corner? But no. Nowhere in this entire public bathroom was there a toilet to be found.
At this point there really wasn't much of a choice. I dropped through and spewed forth liquid-brown shit junks all across that fucking urinal, praying to whatever God there is in Spain that no one walked in on me.
Is this some crazy European custom? Is shitting in public bathrooms not allowed in Spain? Did I just find the single bathroom in the world only equipped for pissing? Hell if I know. But it was traumatic, humiliating, and horrifying.
Holy crap hahaha.
I've never known a toilet with urinals only!
Here in dubai, in some of the public toilets, they are just porcelain holes in the floor, and you squat over them....disgusting.
Because some guys are used to using them, when they come to a normal toilet, they stand on the seat, and squat over it. So sometimes, you go to a public toilet, and there is shoe marks all over the seat, sometimes, there is even worse marks around the seat....
The Indian labor guys, when they go to the toilet, stand on the seat and squat over the hole. So you get dirty shoe marks all over the seat sometimes.
Let's just say that sometimes, they are not the best of aim, so once in a while, you get some shit marks down the back of the toilet, where the mechanism is housed.
But mostly, the public toilets in the malls and things are AMAZINGLY clean!. There is always 2 guys in there at all times cleaning them. But if you happen to use a not so fancy mall, or use it right after and indian guy, you will find shoe marks and sometimes shirt marks all around the seat.
FJ you should stay away from Filipino women LOL. Ill add my most embarrasing story when i have a 3am drunken browse after a night out, be easier to admit to then, heres a less bad one: When i was younger, about 16, i was seeing this girl who i used to piss off by stealthily unhooking her bra strap at awkward moments. So i was supposed to be meeting the missus in a bar (i had fake ID) but i turned up quite late. I knew i was already in trouble as i walked in and saw her talking to some people i was pretty sure she didnt know, so she must have been really bored from waiting. Already being in trouble i thought "fuck it i might as well go all out" snuck up behind her and undid her bra strap. The girl screams and turns round. Its not my girlfriend. Its some random 20 odd year old woman. And the 3 beefy guys she was with were her boyfriend and 2 of his mates. So i had to explain myself and buy them a round of drinks to save my ass from a proper good kicking, all with the majority of the people in the bar watching because the girl had screamed when i snuck up on her. To top it off my GF didnt turn up for another 10 mins, so i had to sit alone in a bar with the majority of the people talking about how much of a twat i was.
On August 15 2011 21:58 Blacktion wrote: FJ you should stay away from Filipino women LOL. Ill add my most embarrasing story when i have a 3am drunken browse after a night out, be easier to admit to then, heres a less bad one: When i was younger, about 16, i was seeing this girl who i used to piss off by stealthily unhooking her bra strap at awkward moments. So i was supposed to be meeting the missus in a bar (i had fake ID) but i turned up quite late. I knew i was already in trouble as i walked in and saw her talking to some people i was pretty sure she didnt know, so she must have been really bored from waiting. Already being in trouble i thought "fuck it i might as well go all out" snuck up behind her and undid her bra strap. The girl screams and turns round. Its not my girlfriend. Its some random 20 odd year old woman. And the 3 beefy guys she was with were her boyfriend and 2 of his mates. So i had to explain myself and buy them a round of drinks to save my ass from a proper good kicking, all with the majority of the people in the bar watching because the girl had screamed when i snuck up on her. To top it off my GF didnt turn up for another 10 mins, so i had to sit alone in a bar with the majority of the people talking about how much of a twat i was.
On August 15 2011 21:58 Blacktion wrote: FJ you should stay away from Filipino women LOL. Ill add my most embarrasing story when i have a 3am drunken browse after a night out, be easier to admit to then, heres a less bad one: When i was younger, about 16, i was seeing this girl who i used to piss off by stealthily unhooking her bra strap at awkward moments. So i was supposed to be meeting the missus in a bar (i had fake ID) but i turned up quite late. I knew i was already in trouble as i walked in and saw her talking to some people i was pretty sure she didnt know, so she must have been really bored from waiting. Already being in trouble i thought "fuck it i might as well go all out" snuck up behind her and undid her bra strap. The girl screams and turns round. Its not my girlfriend. Its some random 20 odd year old woman. And the 3 beefy guys she was with were her boyfriend and 2 of his mates. So i had to explain myself and buy them a round of drinks to save my ass from a proper good kicking, all with the majority of the people in the bar watching because the girl had screamed when i snuck up on her. To top it off my GF didnt turn up for another 10 mins, so i had to sit alone in a bar with the majority of the people talking about how much of a twat i was.
Good advice, but I have yellow plague, I can't haha.
hahaha, your story is great, I can only imagine what they thought of you.
I was 5 or 6, learning how ride a bicycle for a 2nd day, and went for my parent's walk/ my ride in the public park... Somehow I ended up going to fast behind 2 walking women, I think the fear of hitting got the best of me that I forgot what to do on the bike and I ended up just railing them... little do I need to say that I was embarrassed >..<
FJ how do you not have stds by now? You mostly hang out with some of the poorest people in the country and i doubt all those chicks you bang are virgins... Plus half these encounters are so spontaneous that unless you're carrying an emergency condom at all times im pretty sure you wouldnt be prepared for them..
On August 16 2011 02:33 Justjealouse wrote: FJ how do you not have stds by now? You mostly hang out with some of the poorest people in the country and i doubt all those chicks you bang are virgins... Plus half these encounters are so spontaneous that unless you're carrying an emergency condom at all times im pretty sure you wouldnt be prepared for them..
Good question
1. I do have a condom in my wallet It's always good to stay safe haha
2. To get a resident visa in the UAE, you must first take and pass some medical tests. So if you have an STD, you're not allowed to stay in the country. If you catch one, and go to the hospital and they diagnose you with an STD, they will likely kick you out. If you're giving birth, they will not help without a copy of your marriage certificate on hand. Sometimes they might help you, but handcuff you to the bed until your husband shows up.
3. I don't really target the 'cheap' ones. I know that's an off word to chose considering how little they earn, but still. I don't go to the back alley, seedy places. So it is not as if I am getting into the bed of the girl who has been around the town twice. In most situations, since they earn so little, they don't go out a great deal.
They're probably the poorest people in the world. It is sad, I am on less than minimum wage by western standards, yet I earn 5x what some of the Filipinos earn. Plus they work a hell of a lot more.
My ex was on way way way less than me. She work 12-15 hours shifts a day, and was only allowed a day off if and when. She was lucky to get 3 days off a month. She also sent the majority of her money home.
But, they make do, and they're the most lovely people you can ever hope to meet. Nothing seems to stop them having a good time and smiling.
But I am cautious, I do have protection on me. If I go to the club I make sure to have 1 or 2 in my wallet. Obviously I had them at home for the story with the maid's daughter haha.
In my wallet, apart from the normal things (Cash, ID, liecese etc) I have, 4 copies of my passport (1 fake age for fake id lol) and about 10 passport sized photos of myself, also a card with some numbers on it. You know, just in case.
On August 16 2011 02:33 Justjealouse wrote: FJ how do you not have stds by now? You mostly hang out with some of the poorest people in the country and i doubt all those chicks you bang are virgins... Plus half these encounters are so spontaneous that unless you're carrying an emergency condom at all times im pretty sure you wouldnt be prepared for them..
Gotta be equipped dude, carry protection, look out for yourself.
On August 16 2011 02:54 tl4life wrote: First time I went to an urinal I pulled down my pants completely...
big time fail
LOL!
You did the "retard pulldown"?!
All the special ed kids would do it at my high school. Super awkward if you happen to be in the urinal right next to them. =o
Not a story about me but well. I was at a Panthers football game two seasons ago and during the half time urinal rush I saw an old dude do the retard pull down. You know, in a bathroom that probably had 30 some people in it with twice as many in line out the door.
On August 14 2011 12:27 Ixirawr wrote: Once, while going down on a girl, I discovered in a very unpleasant way that she wipes in a downwards direction.
On August 14 2011 11:15 Ubertron wrote: Was going to see my old band play but was rather bitter about being kicked out so started drinking heavily.
I'm not a malicious drunk by any means, merely idiotic. We ended up in some hotel trying to prise open some shutters with the rationale being 'Oh, well we can pour our own and pay in reception'. Security evidently didn't share our belief that this was a good idea so we got chased out of the place
My next brainwave was that I would scale some 8 foot high fences and hide out in a park overnight, but sadly I managed to impale my scrotum on said fence, puncturing it. The alcohol masked this pain so I didn't notice until 3pm the next day, but it was still somewhat inconvenient. My friends were also somewhat too drunk to help me so we had to rely on a friendly German passer-by to rescue me
Next day upon noticing my injury I rang my friend to speak to his mum (who is a nurse) and despite her laughs got some solid medical advice. I decided, being still a bit loaded that I would make it into work and upon being quizzed about my peculiar walking stance explained the story
Sadly I have been a complete joke in my workplace since this, possibly not without reason
Oh and to add even more horror I had some girl travelling up from Dublin who for some strange reason wanted to have sex with me, she also had that like 4 day stubble down below, I swear to god the discomfort of fucking under those conditions has scarred me to this day
Just wanted to say, where i am its 6:30 AM, and ive been up since 2 AM (not sure why, just hard to sleep sometimes i guess) and im a student of engineering. Ive got 2 exams today, one of which starts in two hours lol, and while i got up with the intention of studying if i couldnt sleep, ive mixed a little bit of that, with a little bit of white ra streaming, but predominantly reading this thread, so thanks for the time sink, haha.
In any case, on to my story, since this is my first post im not going to go all out or anything. With my current girlfriend her family and i get along very well, her dad got her into playing starcraft when she was young and she in turn converted me when i met her in year 8. Anyway, one day after we had only been going out for about a month or so, we were just cuddling in her bed without realising that her extended family had come over (relative birthday i think) and when i say i cuddling i really do mean just that, clothes on nothing dodgy or sexual at all. So her dad comes in and sees us cuddling, but under the covers and just assumes and announces 'oh, Manex (obvious switch with id, muahahah) you're busy getting a blowjob, ill come back later' so he leaves while were staring at the door dumbfounded to hear him announce to her family that well be out after ive finished receiving head. I think i tried to explain it was a mistake, but to no avail. oh well, we still get along great in spite of minor mishaps like that.
FJ you're the best man these stories are so f---ing hilarious.
A embarrassing moment of mine happened recently when I went on vacation to Montreal, a French-Canadian city in Canada. I was day dreaming in the car, about what I forgot I think it was about some girl when I realized that I had to take a huge ass piss. I've never had to take a bigger piss in my entire life. This was with my dad, sister, grandpa, and my grandpa's sister. Ever get that feeling that the closer you are to the destination you needed to get to while needing to take a piss makes it harder and harder for you to hold it in? Well at the same time we got loss trying to find the hotel we were staying at and we had to ask another person for directions which made my situation worse. So when I got to the hotel I literally ran to the elevator jogging up and down. I was already midway pissing in my pants before I got to the toilet. I had to change my pants and when I got back in the car i had the feeling of " shit did they know I just pissed in my pants"?
On August 16 2011 05:53 NoRacial wrote: FJ you're the best man these stories are so f---ing hilarious.
A embarrassing moment of mine happened recently when I went on vacation to Montreal, a French-Canadian city in Canada. I was day dreaming in the car, about what I forgot I think it was about some girl when I realized that I had to take a huge ass piss. I've never had to take a bigger piss in my entire life. This was with my dad, sister, grandpa, and my grandpa's sister. Ever get that feeling that the closer you are to the destination you needed to get to while needing to take a piss makes it harder and harder for you to hold it in? Well at the same time we got loss trying to find the hotel we were staying at and we had to ask another person for directions which made my situation worse. So when I got to the hotel I literally ran to the elevator jogging up and down. I was already midway pissing in my pants before I got to the toilet. I had to change my pants and when I got back in the car i had the feeling of " shit did they know I just pissed in my pants"?
Sad day sad day rofl.
haha, thank you. You should read my tumblr (shameless I know haha )
That's really bad. I am bad in cars, I always seem to want a piss in them.
I was once driving to Ferrari world in Abu Dhabi with my friends, and I super needed a piss along the way. I thought I could hold it, but it got worse and worse and worse. I came to the stage I had to pull over.
So I pull over for a piss, but there is a wall along the motorway, so I was right in the open, everyone could see. I tried to shelter myself with my car as best I could.
Turns out a police car was passing buy and pulls up. Then two arab men get out and walk over while I'm having a piss.
'Excuse me sir, what are you doing?'
They started questioning me, but it just wouldn't stop haha. They just stood there and watched for a LOOONG 20 or so seconds.
Now, the police don't like the Filipinos much. So we spent the next hour under investigation, having to give out all our details and ID's and things.
In the end I got a 200dhm fine, but I bargained it to nothing, win.
But having them watch me piss, then explain why I was pissing was really embarrassing.
Sadly, it wasn't the first time the police had told me off for pissing in public haha
On August 13 2011 11:07 supaplex wrote: fj i wouldnt want to hang out with you. just because i get tired of these fake stories too soon
I kinda feel like I am missing out on a great friendship.
If you came here to hang out, you would be living amazing stories.
That other guy was right though, you live in the USA, a western, established Country. This is the middle east, a very very different place indeed.
having spent 6 months in the mid east, his stories dont even lol me, its common you get the super rich and the ultra poor, lamborghini is as common as honda
pretty much a bunch of people got lucky on oil and now live the rich life without having any idea of what to do with their money
Well that's a nice thing to say... anyway i live in the U.A.E and I've only seen a couple of Lamborghini's my whole time here, so I don't know what you're talking about! also, we don't have "princesses" here either.
You're also not allowed to eat dog meat here by law, so I don't know where/how you got it from when you "bought" it, sorry but most of these stories i have a hard time believing since I'm half local and lived here most of my life.
Sorry for sounding rude, but I'm just trying to believe you, could you also say how you bargained your way out of a 200 dh fine? you have to go to court if you have any objections against the fine!
OK. I am playing League of Legends. I am the first pick for my ranked team, and I am picking a character for myself. One of my teammates tells me to pick him Mordekeiser, but I told him I didn't have him. He kept asking over and over, and I kept saying I don't have him. I locked in my character, and the opponents started picking. Only then did I realise it was free week for Mordekeiser and everyone had access to him.
On August 16 2011 01:29 dan1st wrote: FJ is this you?
No offense but each time I read your stories I picture you as him lol.
Holy shit... it's not only me! I had the same image in my head the whole time!
Right eh? The fact that he's British, likes to party always, do silly things and getting into troubles... I can't picture anyone else other than Simon Pegg.
It was just a normal day till all of the students in my school were called to meet in a room. We found out that there was someone to deliver a speech. Then as the person delivering the speech went in front of me with a mic, I accidentally farted so loud that the speaker's mic caught the sound of my fart. O_O
On August 13 2011 11:07 supaplex wrote: fj i wouldnt want to hang out with you. just because i get tired of these fake stories too soon
I kinda feel like I am missing out on a great friendship.
If you came here to hang out, you would be living amazing stories.
That other guy was right though, you live in the USA, a western, established Country. This is the middle east, a very very different place indeed.
having spent 6 months in the mid east, his stories dont even lol me, its common you get the super rich and the ultra poor, lamborghini is as common as honda
pretty much a bunch of people got lucky on oil and now live the rich life without having any idea of what to do with their money
Well that's a nice thing to say... anyway i live in the U.A.E and I've only seen a couple of Lamborghini's my whole time here, so I don't know what you're talking about! also, we don't have "princesses" here either.
You're also not allowed to eat dog meat here by law, so I don't know where/how you got it from when you "bought" it, sorry but most of these stories i have a hard time believing since I'm half local and lived here most of my life.
Sorry for sounding rude, but I'm just trying to believe you, could you also say how you bargained your way out of a 200 dh fine? you have to go to court if you have any objections against the fine!
That's 2 ,more than most people would see in their lifes. We don't specifically mean that car, but very fancy cars. Seeing a Bentley, or a Ferrari is an everyday thing for me.
I don't know the arabic word. But how ever you would like to describe it, daughter of royalty, heir to the sheik or something. That's why I explained how it isn't the same as the Princess in England or somewhere.
hehe, no problem at all, they are unbelievable, not many people believe them Just because something is illegal doesn't mean you an't do it. I can go to the market and buy a stolen rolex or handbag, or if you go tot eh right clubs, you'll find yourself with loads of Russian prostitutes.
As for the fine, you can barter with the police. My friend was pulled over for driving a bit dangerously, and he just pleaded to the officer. Same with me, I just said I am poor, I can't afford it, I am really sorry, and we are good people since we had all our paper work sorted. So he let us off with a warning. The police seem to like British people, onetime I was pulled, a random spot check, but I didn't have any id or anything on me.It is not allowed to drive without a license on hand, or to go out without your ID, but as soon as he asked where I was from, and I said Britain, he let me go.
For major things, yes you will go to court, but for a 200DHM on the spot fine, you can just discuss it there and then.
But you're local awesome. I think it's a great place, I have local friends also, they're pretty cool.
On August 16 2011 01:29 dan1st wrote: FJ is this you?
No offense but each time I read your stories I picture you as him lol.
Holy shit... it's not only me! I had the same image in my head the whole time!
Right eh? The fact that he's British, likes to party always, do silly things and getting into troubles... I can't picture anyone else other than Simon Pegg.
hey FJ your such an imba! how could you insult osama's brother,offend a princess, and slap a goat?! Your stories are great and uh embarassing. Well, i also live in uae and I can attest that it's fact you are telling about uae (walla's, fancy cars, ferrari world, cute filipinas). But I also have some uncertainties like why do you have to take a taxi with your sister to go to the mall if you have a car? how could you mess with the arab police and get away with it? your a rich guy but you want to hangout with low-midlle class people?
On August 17 2011 15:22 TrojanProtector wrote: hey FJ your such an imba! how could you insult osama's brother,offend a princess, and slap a goat?! Your stories are great and uh embarassing. Well, i also live in uae and I can attest that it's fact you are telling about uae (walla's, fancy cars, ferrari world, cute filipinas). But I also have some uncertainties like why do you have to take a taxi with your sister to go to the mall if you have a car? how could you mess with the arab police and get away with it? your a rich guy but you want to hangout with low-midlle class people?
You live here also? Where are you from?
Good questions
Well, sometimes I do just get taxis. They're cheap and I am rich, so I get them. But, as I am sure you're aware about the paper work in the country, it is terrible haha. So since I earn little, the bank will not give me a loan for a car. Even though I can afford the payment for a car, because of the stupid rules and the way things were set up, I can not buy one. My company says I earn, for example, 2000DHM a month, but they make up the rest in benefits (Housing allowance, Phone allowance., Travel etc) according to the bank, I only get that 2000, so they wont give me.
It means I need to use my parents cars. Which is nice since we have a hummer, and a merc haha But on some occasions, they may need them, so I just get taxis. It was also spur of the moment sort of thing that time. As my sister was leaving I decided to join, and the taxi was outside.
As for the police, well, you can argue on the side of the road with them, and get a speeding ticket reduced. I didn't know that for a long time, but my friend got pulled once when I was in the car, and he did it. So I learnt haha. When telling the police cheif about the rules, I guess he couldn't be bothered. After all, what was my crime? having an opinion? I guess he just couldn't be bothered, after a night out, to drag me to the station. Or maybe he was just a nice guy, who got a little fed up and kicked me out haha.
As Jessy J said 'It's not a out the money money money , we don't care about your money money money!'
It's also generous to call them, low-middle.I would certainly call them really low. Sadly. I just get a long with them I would rather go to their house, sit on the floor eating rice with my had, and playing cards then spend a lot of money going out. They're great people, and I have a spot for asian girls haha But they're my good friends, nicest people you can meet. Go out and try it, go to the pinoy clubs. Try boracay! it's my fave. Go to spinnies, and just get chatting to the staff, I pretty much know every spinnies cashier in Dubai hahaha
Oh, as for slapping the goat, I wonder how I got into that situation, but he butted me! I aint taking that from no goat haha.
my brother and i were in the casino watching some blackjack games, enjoying bacard cola's. the fekker makes a joke and i burst in laughter .....just as i sip in my drink.
net result : innocent beautiful girl sprayed in bacardi cola by me : 1 apologizing in shame for 10 min or so.
Another one, because public restrooms are my bane.
Basically I'm taking my sweet time, trying to poo at a McDonalds, and the bathroom had 1 or 2 urinals in it and a single stall which I was in. Guy bursts in, banging on the door screaming that he has to go and it's an emergency, but I tell him to go to hell because I need to shit too and I was in here first, so that means I get to finish my poo first, right?
But apparently when you have to shit that bad you don't understand basic logic, so he just does one of those commando rolls, manages to get half his body into my stall, which just makes me shit more because I'm freaking scared and I'm trying to kick this guy out, kinda hard to do when sitting on the shitter because of the way your legs are positioned, and he just reaches up and shoves me off the seat with his hand.
Now I was NOT expecting that. In any way. But he just forces himself in, drops his pants, sits down, and shits so hard I think it actually lifted him an inch or two off of the seat. About 10 seconds later he stands, looks in the bowl and says, "You could try to flush that down but I don't think the toilet will like it. Best let the janitors pick it up." And he just casually leaves, leaving me on the ground with my pants down. I look in and there's a MOUNTAIN of the stuff. I don't know what that guy eats, but he sure as hell eats a lot.
On August 16 2011 17:17 guyabs wrote: It was just a normal day till all of the students in my school were called to meet in a room. We found out that there was someone to deliver a speech. Then as the person delivering the speech went in front of me with a mic, I accidentally farted so loud that the speaker's mic caught the sound of my fart. O_O
Best story so far. I can just imagine the amplified sound of the fart reverberating in the room...
On August 19 2011 06:03 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Another one, because public restrooms are my bane.
Basically I'm taking my sweet time, trying to poo at a McDonalds, and the bathroom had 1 or 2 urinals in it and a single stall which I was in. Guy bursts in, banging on the door screaming that he has to go and it's an emergency, but I tell him to go to hell because I need to shit too and I was in here first, so that means I get to finish my poo first, right?
But apparently when you have to shit that bad you don't understand basic logic, so he just does one of those commando rolls, manages to get half his body into my stall, which just makes me shit more because I'm freaking scared and I'm trying to kick this guy out, kinda hard to do when sitting on the shitter because of the way your legs are positioned, and he just reaches up and shoves me off the seat with his hand.
Now I was NOT expecting that. In any way. But he just forces himself in, drops his pants, sits down, and shits so hard I think it actually lifted him an inch or two off of the seat. About 10 seconds later he stands, looks in the bowl and says, "You could try to flush that down but I don't think the toilet will like it. Best let the janitors pick it up." And he just casually leaves, leaving me on the ground with my pants down. I look in and there's a MOUNTAIN of the stuff. I don't know what that guy eats, but he sure as hell eats a lot.
My god. I'm so lucky to have never seen a mountain of shit lol. I once held it in for four days and that was quite a bit, but still...
On August 19 2011 06:03 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Another one, because public restrooms are my bane.
Basically I'm taking my sweet time, trying to poo at a McDonalds, and the bathroom had 1 or 2 urinals in it and a single stall which I was in. Guy bursts in, banging on the door screaming that he has to go and it's an emergency, but I tell him to go to hell because I need to shit too and I was in here first, so that means I get to finish my poo first, right?
But apparently when you have to shit that bad you don't understand basic logic, so he just does one of those commando rolls, manages to get half his body into my stall, which just makes me shit more because I'm freaking scared and I'm trying to kick this guy out, kinda hard to do when sitting on the shitter because of the way your legs are positioned, and he just reaches up and shoves me off the seat with his hand.
Now I was NOT expecting that. In any way. But he just forces himself in, drops his pants, sits down, and shits so hard I think it actually lifted him an inch or two off of the seat. About 10 seconds later he stands, looks in the bowl and says, "You could try to flush that down but I don't think the toilet will like it. Best let the janitors pick it up." And he just casually leaves, leaving me on the ground with my pants down. I look in and there's a MOUNTAIN of the stuff. I don't know what that guy eats, but he sure as hell eats a lot.
This was hands down the funniest story in this thread, even in the likely scenario that it's bullocks.
On August 13 2011 11:07 supaplex wrote: fj i wouldnt want to hang out with you. just because i get tired of these fake stories too soon
I kinda feel like I am missing out on a great friendship.
If you came here to hang out, you would be living amazing stories.
That other guy was right though, you live in the USA, a western, established Country. This is the middle east, a very very different place indeed.
having spent 6 months in the mid east, his stories dont even lol me, its common you get the super rich and the ultra poor, lamborghini is as common as honda
pretty much a bunch of people got lucky on oil and now live the rich life without having any idea of what to do with their money
Well that's a nice thing to say... anyway i live in the U.A.E and I've only seen a couple of Lamborghini's my whole time here, so I don't know what you're talking about! also, we don't have "princesses" here either.
You're also not allowed to eat dog meat here by law, so I don't know where/how you got it from when you "bought" it, sorry but most of these stories i have a hard time believing since I'm half local and lived here most of my life.
Sorry for sounding rude, but I'm just trying to believe you, could you also say how you bargained your way out of a 200 dh fine? you have to go to court if you have any objections against the fine!
That's 2 ,more than most people would see in their lifes. We don't specifically mean that car, but very fancy cars. Seeing a Bentley, or a Ferrari is an everyday thing for me.
I don't know the arabic word. But how ever you would like to describe it, daughter of royalty, heir to the sheik or something. That's why I explained how it isn't the same as the Princess in England or somewhere.
hehe, no problem at all, they are unbelievable, not many people believe them Just because something is illegal doesn't mean you an't do it. I can go to the market and buy a stolen rolex or handbag, or if you go tot eh right clubs, you'll find yourself with loads of Russian prostitutes.
As for the fine, you can barter with the police. My friend was pulled over for driving a bit dangerously, and he just pleaded to the officer. Same with me, I just said I am poor, I can't afford it, I am really sorry, and we are good people since we had all our paper work sorted. So he let us off with a warning. The police seem to like British people, onetime I was pulled, a random spot check, but I didn't have any id or anything on me.It is not allowed to drive without a license on hand, or to go out without your ID, but as soon as he asked where I was from, and I said Britain, he let me go.
For major things, yes you will go to court, but for a 200DHM on the spot fine, you can just discuss it there and then.
But you're local awesome. I think it's a great place, I have local friends also, they're pretty cool.
You got out of a fine by saying that you were poor, while pissing on the side of the road after getting out a Ferrari, sorry thats sending the BS meter through the roof. O well your stories are still entertaining
Little drunk right now but here's a story for you guys,
So I went out to eat with a friend of mine and he brought two girls with him. One really nice looking girl and another sort of fat girl. When I got there I was introduced to them both and we bullshitted a little bit and then ordered. As we were waiting for our food I noticed my friend really flirting with the fat girl. They were all over each other, it was kinda making me and the other girl uncomfortable but we had enough small talk to carry us through their awkward moments of caressing. So we got our food and my friend and I finished first so I thought I'd text him and said "I see you're really liking the pudgy ones these days" and about 2 seconds after I hit send I see the phone in the fat girls hand start going off.
I thought OH SHIT! HE LET HER PLAY WITH HIS PHONE. and sprung up from the other side of the table, reached across all the food, and yanked it out of her hand. She got really pissed and was like "What are you doing?!" And I was like "wait what kinda phone is this" as I was pulling it across the table, and then she told me "my dad is calling me I need to take that" so I got really nervous and didn't know wtf to do so I answered the phone trying to be funny and was like "Hey dad!" and then just handed her back the phone.
My friend must have looked at me with this face "=O" for 5 minutes straight.
On August 19 2011 06:03 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Another one, because public restrooms are my bane.
Basically I'm taking my sweet time, trying to poo at a McDonalds, and the bathroom had 1 or 2 urinals in it and a single stall which I was in. Guy bursts in, banging on the door screaming that he has to go and it's an emergency, but I tell him to go to hell because I need to shit too and I was in here first, so that means I get to finish my poo first, right?
But apparently when you have to shit that bad you don't understand basic logic, so he just does one of those commando rolls, manages to get half his body into my stall, which just makes me shit more because I'm freaking scared and I'm trying to kick this guy out, kinda hard to do when sitting on the shitter because of the way your legs are positioned, and he just reaches up and shoves me off the seat with his hand.
Now I was NOT expecting that. In any way. But he just forces himself in, drops his pants, sits down, and shits so hard I think it actually lifted him an inch or two off of the seat. About 10 seconds later he stands, looks in the bowl and says, "You could try to flush that down but I don't think the toilet will like it. Best let the janitors pick it up." And he just casually leaves, leaving me on the ground with my pants down. I look in and there's a MOUNTAIN of the stuff. I don't know what that guy eats, but he sure as hell eats a lot.
LOL! That was great, that guy must be crazy, or he just really needed to take a dump. :D, Wow I've never heard about anyone doing that, that's hilarious :D.
When I was like 14, my cousins had an exchange student from Ireland over and they brought her with them to family events, I was developing a crush on her and later I was driving people around in a go cart, and when I drove it with her, I crashed it into our well head. Luckily no one was seriously hurt and she went back to Ireland so I never had to see her again lol.
Oh yeah there was also a time i farted really bad by a poisonous gas detector in my house and it went off, lol we had guests and we all like evacuated and sat in our lawn for like 45 minutes till I fessed up and everybody laughed pretty hard.
On August 13 2011 11:07 supaplex wrote: fj i wouldnt want to hang out with you. just because i get tired of these fake stories too soon
I kinda feel like I am missing out on a great friendship.
If you came here to hang out, you would be living amazing stories.
That other guy was right though, you live in the USA, a western, established Country. This is the middle east, a very very different place indeed.
having spent 6 months in the mid east, his stories dont even lol me, its common you get the super rich and the ultra poor, lamborghini is as common as honda
pretty much a bunch of people got lucky on oil and now live the rich life without having any idea of what to do with their money
Well that's a nice thing to say... anyway i live in the U.A.E and I've only seen a couple of Lamborghini's my whole time here, so I don't know what you're talking about! also, we don't have "princesses" here either.
You're also not allowed to eat dog meat here by law, so I don't know where/how you got it from when you "bought" it, sorry but most of these stories i have a hard time believing since I'm half local and lived here most of my life.
Sorry for sounding rude, but I'm just trying to believe you, could you also say how you bargained your way out of a 200 dh fine? you have to go to court if you have any objections against the fine!
That's 2 ,more than most people would see in their lifes. We don't specifically mean that car, but very fancy cars. Seeing a Bentley, or a Ferrari is an everyday thing for me.
I don't know the arabic word. But how ever you would like to describe it, daughter of royalty, heir to the sheik or something. That's why I explained how it isn't the same as the Princess in England or somewhere.
hehe, no problem at all, they are unbelievable, not many people believe them Just because something is illegal doesn't mean you an't do it. I can go to the market and buy a stolen rolex or handbag, or if you go tot eh right clubs, you'll find yourself with loads of Russian prostitutes.
As for the fine, you can barter with the police. My friend was pulled over for driving a bit dangerously, and he just pleaded to the officer. Same with me, I just said I am poor, I can't afford it, I am really sorry, and we are good people since we had all our paper work sorted. So he let us off with a warning. The police seem to like British people, onetime I was pulled, a random spot check, but I didn't have any id or anything on me.It is not allowed to drive without a license on hand, or to go out without your ID, but as soon as he asked where I was from, and I said Britain, he let me go.
For major things, yes you will go to court, but for a 200DHM on the spot fine, you can just discuss it there and then.
But you're local awesome. I think it's a great place, I have local friends also, they're pretty cool.
You got out of a fine by saying that you were poor, while pissing on the side of the road after getting out a Ferrari, sorry thats sending the BS meter through the roof. O well your stories are still entertaining
Wait, Ferrari? I WISH!!!!
The thing about Dubai is, you insure the car, and not the driver. So as long as you have permission from the owner, you can drive anything. At the time, I was driving a Kia Sorento. Good thing I wasn't driving the Merc or the Hummer hahaha.
The police earn commission on the fines they hand out. They try and fine a lot of people for things. But if you give them a little resistance, they will drop it, or reduce it. They are still a haggling race, even with the fines.
Not that I try to give them impression you will always be fined here. But I have been asked for money from the police a fair few times.
It's sad for my Filipino friends. The police stop them and make them present their ID and fine if they don't. I have never been asked for it, only when with them, and I don't even have one. When I am with them, the police let us off for those sort of fines.
In this situation, I think they tried it on with me. Saw a white boy, thought they could get 200DhS out of him. As soon as I looked like I knew the way things work, it was too much trouble, so off I go.
On August 19 2011 06:03 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Another one, because public restrooms are my bane.
Basically I'm taking my sweet time, trying to poo at a McDonalds, and the bathroom had 1 or 2 urinals in it and a single stall which I was in. Guy bursts in, banging on the door screaming that he has to go and it's an emergency, but I tell him to go to hell because I need to shit too and I was in here first, so that means I get to finish my poo first, right?
But apparently when you have to shit that bad you don't understand basic logic, so he just does one of those commando rolls, manages to get half his body into my stall, which just makes me shit more because I'm freaking scared and I'm trying to kick this guy out, kinda hard to do when sitting on the shitter because of the way your legs are positioned, and he just reaches up and shoves me off the seat with his hand.
Now I was NOT expecting that. In any way. But he just forces himself in, drops his pants, sits down, and shits so hard I think it actually lifted him an inch or two off of the seat. About 10 seconds later he stands, looks in the bowl and says, "You could try to flush that down but I don't think the toilet will like it. Best let the janitors pick it up." And he just casually leaves, leaving me on the ground with my pants down. I look in and there's a MOUNTAIN of the stuff. I don't know what that guy eats, but he sure as hell eats a lot.
On August 19 2011 06:03 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Another one, because public restrooms are my bane.
Basically I'm taking my sweet time, trying to poo at a McDonalds, and the bathroom had 1 or 2 urinals in it and a single stall which I was in. Guy bursts in, banging on the door screaming that he has to go and it's an emergency, but I tell him to go to hell because I need to shit too and I was in here first, so that means I get to finish my poo first, right?
But apparently when you have to shit that bad you don't understand basic logic, so he just does one of those commando rolls, manages to get half his body into my stall, which just makes me shit more because I'm freaking scared and I'm trying to kick this guy out, kinda hard to do when sitting on the shitter because of the way your legs are positioned, and he just reaches up and shoves me off the seat with his hand.
Now I was NOT expecting that. In any way. But he just forces himself in, drops his pants, sits down, and shits so hard I think it actually lifted him an inch or two off of the seat. About 10 seconds later he stands, looks in the bowl and says, "You could try to flush that down but I don't think the toilet will like it. Best let the janitors pick it up." And he just casually leaves, leaving me on the ground with my pants down. I look in and there's a MOUNTAIN of the stuff. I don't know what that guy eats, but he sure as hell eats a lot.
Only at McDonalds.
I must have walked in after you, I saw what can only be described as a mountain of shit in a McDonald's toilet.
I went in for a very minor when i was in middle school and they had to put me under. They left me in the nurses station to wake up. Unfortunately parts of my anatomy woke up first XD So when I finally wake up I find myself surrounded by females with possibly the most obvious morning wood ever.
Today I was in NYC, I take summer classes at an art school in New York, and I saw a man following an old asian woman and her little asian grand daughter I think it was. He followed them for 4 blocks before making his move, I only saw all of this because they were all infront of me walking down E22nd street at the time I was walking down it. Anyways, the man kept getting closer and closer to them until finally he hit the woman with a crowbar and grabbed the girl. I immediately ran up to him as fast as I could and whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, yo holmes to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up to the house around 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
On August 22 2011 06:37 R3m3mb3rM3 wrote: Today I was in NYC, I take summer classes at an art school in New York, and I saw a man following an old asian woman and her little asian grand daughter I think it was. He followed them for 4 blocks before making his move, I only saw all of this because they were all infront of me walking down E22nd street at the time I was walking down it. Anyways, the man kept getting closer and closer to them until finally he hit the woman with a crowbar and grabbed the girl. I immediately ran up to him as fast as I could and whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, yo holmes to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up to the house around 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
What the fuck?.... Took me a few rereads to see if you were trolling, guess that is embarrassing enough for me to catch on so slowly...
On August 22 2011 06:37 R3m3mb3rM3 wrote: Today I was in NYC, I take summer classes at an art school in New York, and I saw a man following an old asian woman and her little asian grand daughter I think it was. He followed them for 4 blocks before making his move, I only saw all of this because they were all infront of me walking down E22nd street at the time I was walking down it. Anyways, the man kept getting closer and closer to them until finally he hit the woman with a crowbar and grabbed the girl. I immediately ran up to him as fast as I could and whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, yo holmes to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up to the house around 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
What the fuck?.... Took me a few rereads to see if you were trolling, guess that is embarrassing enough for me to catch on so slowly...
You don't know the lyrics to Fresh Prince?....get out hahaha
FJ you are my hero i just read this whole thread and i absolutely love your stories. Makes me want to move to Dubai when i am older lol. How succesful would one be their if they had a university degree and could land a good job. I heard that all foreigners get treated like shit. do you have problems with the locals fucking with you?
Well, I could write a book about living here haha. In short, Locals actually like White westerners. Do we get fucked? by them? yes. It is a bit of a mix. Foreigners are treated like absolute shit. Worse than shit....but only the labor class (Filipino and Indian) ie wallas. Whites are a good thing.
Because I am white, I am special here. I hang out with the Filipino labor class, who are extremely poor and I am soooo special for that. I have honestly had people take photos of me, like some sort of celebrity, because I am white. I actually wrote that story here
The arabs, generally like having the whites here, and thing we are a good thing. But, sadly, if you're a race of essentially camel famers living in the sand, and then suddenly find your self running a county, rules and regulations will end up being really bad.
You won't get F by arab locals maliciously, but you certainly will get F in the A, really hard by the rules, which are set in place by the locals. I am a good person, I follow rules and stay out of trouble, mostly. But I have been arrested twice, frog marched by official figures countless times, and paid close to $4000 in fines I shouldn't have to pay. The rules here are guilty until proven innocent. Sadly.
Anyone who comes here goes through stages. At first you will love it, the sun, the malls, the beaches, the awe of things. You'll be driving to work in the sun, with your shades, and having a good time. Stage 1
Stage 2: You will have you first bad experience of being F in the A by the rules. All the small regulations and illogical hoops you must jump through will take their toll on you. You will, and this is fact, be fined for something you're innocent off. You will hate it here, and a lot of people go home.
Stage 3: You get into the flow of Dubai. You learn to expect everything to fall apart. I have a rule here, nothing takes less than 3 attempts, and you will pay more than you expect. You get into the flow, enjoy the sun, and put up with the little fines and jumping through hoops. Things are good then.
I have seen so many people come here, and they always go though those stages. Some people end up as a yo-yo. They hit stage 2, can't take it, move back home. Regret it, and come back. Hit stage 2 and move home. Repeat...
Can you bee successful? Yes.
Honestly, I can't write everything in this reply, here is a short brief. You can have a good life here, but it is very different, you WILL get arrested, or in some shit at some point, and you will always have to put up with the fines, and being on the wrong side of a rule you apparently broke. But the sun always shines, the beach is nice, the malls are amazing, the culture is rich and there is always something to do. Lots of people like it here, lots move back. But without trying it, you will never know...
Thanks for that I really want to move away from Canada once i am done university and don't really know where i want to end up was thinking Australia but your stories make Dubai sound pretty awesome.
On August 22 2011 06:21 ChibiSage wrote: Looks like mines pretty tame XD
I went in for a very minor when i was in middle school and they had to put me under. They left me in the nurses station to wake up. Unfortunately parts of my anatomy woke up first XD So when I finally wake up I find myself surrounded by females with possibly the most obvious morning wood ever.
ChibiSausage?
...Couldn't resist the urge to post that; however, isn't that a really good opening for a really bad pornfilm?
A few nights ago I got high for the first time (nothing strong, some weed; wasn't completely stoned either) and thought to myself: "Well, that's one first out of the way! Time to get laid!" And so I concoct a brilliant scheme. I was at a huge block party so there were tons of girls.
I went up to the first pretty girl I saw and introduced myself like: "Hi, I'm a virgin!"
As if to say, "Just so we don't get off on the wrong foot, this is where I'm coming from. This is the problem I need to solve." lol. She was nice about it and laughed it off, but obviously took off.
Another toilet story. Not as bad as my last one though
In Spain (coincidentally the same trip I ended up shitting in a urinal at the airport), I remember this one restaurant where instead of displaying "Male" and "Female" or some variation thereof, they just have these two little pictures - a circle on top of a triangle. For the men's room the triangle points down (I guess that's kinda like shoulders) and for the women's room it points up (which would make that a dress)
Problem is, I don't know this at the time, and these two doors are the only ones under a sign that clearly says this is where the restrooms are. So I figure it's a 50-50 chance, I go in the ladies' room. No urinals ofc, but that's fine, I figure, the airport bathroom didn't have any stalls, maybe this is where they moved them.
And then I walk out and see two women at the sink, I'm ready to go back into my stall to shit brix, and subconsciously mutter something which just makes every pair of eyes in the bathroom look at me. So I just say, "I'm going to leave now" trying to play it off cool, walk with a little bit of swag to the door like I arranged that to happen. And then I shit brix.
On August 22 2011 22:01 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Another toilet story. Not as bad as my last one though
In Spain (coincidentally the same trip I ended up shitting in a urinal at the airport), I remember this one restaurant where instead of displaying "Male" and "Female" or some variation thereof, they just have these two little pictures - a circle on top of a triangle. For the men's room the triangle points down (I guess that's kinda like shoulders) and for the women's room it points up (which would make that a dress)
Problem is, I don't know this at the time, and these two doors are the only ones under a sign that clearly says this is where the restrooms are. So I figure it's a 50-50 chance, I go in the ladies' room. No urinals ofc, but that's fine, I figure, the airport bathroom didn't have any stalls, maybe this is where they moved them.
And then I walk out and see two women at the sink, I'm ready to go back into my stall to shit brix, and subconsciously mutter something which just makes every pair of eyes in the bathroom look at me. So I just say, "I'm going to leave now" trying to play it off cool, walk with a little bit of swag to the door like I arranged that to happen. And then I shit brix.
Every time you use a public bathroom, does something bad happen? haha
I once went to a new Mall in Dubai, it has just opened that day. But building work was still going on, just the finishing touches. I went the public bathroom and there was no signs on the door. I took a 50-50 with it, and walked into the bathroom....urinal...jackpot.
I was taking a piss on one of them and a woman walks in, then screams at me. 'Get out, get out!, this is the ladies'
Still having a piss I tried to explain how there are urinals here, and SHE is at fault. She had none of it, and shouted then walked out.
I went to wash my hands and a security guard walks in behind the woman and then tells me I am in the wrong bathroom and escorts me to the mall security room for a telling off and forced me into an apology for being in the wrong bathroom. WTF??
On August 22 2011 22:01 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Another toilet story. Not as bad as my last one though
In Spain (coincidentally the same trip I ended up shitting in a urinal at the airport), I remember this one restaurant where instead of displaying "Male" and "Female" or some variation thereof, they just have these two little pictures - a circle on top of a triangle. For the men's room the triangle points down (I guess that's kinda like shoulders) and for the women's room it points up (which would make that a dress)
Problem is, I don't know this at the time, and these two doors are the only ones under a sign that clearly says this is where the restrooms are. So I figure it's a 50-50 chance, I go in the ladies' room. No urinals ofc, but that's fine, I figure, the airport bathroom didn't have any stalls, maybe this is where they moved them.
And then I walk out and see two women at the sink, I'm ready to go back into my stall to shit brix, and subconsciously mutter something which just makes every pair of eyes in the bathroom look at me. So I just say, "I'm going to leave now" trying to play it off cool, walk with a little bit of swag to the door like I arranged that to happen. And then I shit brix.
Every time you use a public bathroom, does something bad happen? haha
I once went to a new Mall in Dubai, it has just opened that day. But building work was still going on, just the finishing touches. I went the public bathroom and there was no signs on the door. I took a 50-50 with it, and walked into the bathroom....urinal...jackpot.
I was taking a piss on one of them and a woman walks in, then screams at me. 'Get out, get out!, this is the ladies'
Still having a piss I tried to explain how there are urinals here, and SHE is at fault. She had none of it, and shouted then walked out.
I went to wash my hands and a security guard walks in behind the woman and then tells me I am in the wrong bathroom and escorts me to the mall security room for a telling off and forced me into an apology for being in the wrong bathroom. WTF??
How dare you use the mens restroom infront of a confused woman! Apologise immediately.
On August 22 2011 22:01 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Another toilet story. Not as bad as my last one though
In Spain (coincidentally the same trip I ended up shitting in a urinal at the airport), I remember this one restaurant where instead of displaying "Male" and "Female" or some variation thereof, they just have these two little pictures - a circle on top of a triangle. For the men's room the triangle points down (I guess that's kinda like shoulders) and for the women's room it points up (which would make that a dress)
Problem is, I don't know this at the time, and these two doors are the only ones under a sign that clearly says this is where the restrooms are. So I figure it's a 50-50 chance, I go in the ladies' room. No urinals ofc, but that's fine, I figure, the airport bathroom didn't have any stalls, maybe this is where they moved them.
And then I walk out and see two women at the sink, I'm ready to go back into my stall to shit brix, and subconsciously mutter something which just makes every pair of eyes in the bathroom look at me. So I just say, "I'm going to leave now" trying to play it off cool, walk with a little bit of swag to the door like I arranged that to happen. And then I shit brix.
Every time you use a public bathroom, does something bad happen? haha
I once went to a new Mall in Dubai, it has just opened that day. But building work was still going on, just the finishing touches. I went the public bathroom and there was no signs on the door. I took a 50-50 with it, and walked into the bathroom....urinal...jackpot.
I was taking a piss on one of them and a woman walks in, then screams at me. 'Get out, get out!, this is the ladies'
Still having a piss I tried to explain how there are urinals here, and SHE is at fault. She had none of it, and shouted then walked out.
I went to wash my hands and a security guard walks in behind the woman and then tells me I am in the wrong bathroom and escorts me to the mall security room for a telling off and forced me into an apology for being in the wrong bathroom. WTF??
People are arrested for holding hands or kissing in public. You already told a story where you might have been arrested for being in the bedroom with a woman who wasn't your wife. A British couple on holiday were arrested and jailed last year when one kissed the other on the cheek in a restaurant.
Yet somehow you had to apologize to the lady who watched you urinate? Kissing is jail time. Watching you pee is fine.
The thing about those rules are, it depends who sees you. All the times you read 'British couple arrested, kissing in public' you will read that a local took offense to it, and reported them.
Strictly speaking, you have to cover up in the malls, there are signs all over the place, but you wont get told off for not covering up, unless a local takes offense to you.
I've held hands and kissed in public, and been with girls who are not wearing a great deal. The police just give us a look, or ask the girl to dress respectively. If how ever an Arab local woman told us off and reported us, they shit would hit the fan.
So kissing isn't strictly jail time, it just depends on where you do it, and who sees you.
On this time, it was an Indian woman. The arabs don't like them too much, so they don't care all that much. It was also an Indian security guard, who doesn't take offense to such things.
Ehm. In terms of entertainment value my embarassing story is more pathetic than funny but maybe im wrong!
Backstory. So was depressed for years and didn't get out much. Found it real tough to be around people in that condition, hard to speak with them etc. Don't get me started on how it was with a girl that was halfway good looking. So didn't have mega social or sexual experience. But after coming out of depression at the age of 21 (started when I was 14 due to bullying and feeling life was pointless n shizzle) I kinda got a new lease on life and decided to get shit done. Real face-your-fears and get over them kinda attitude, get back into the social scene, get confidence, be happy. Exercised lots, dieted, got my body back by losing about 50 pounds in a couple months and looked good again.
Main story: Decided I had to lose my V card or else i'd be hopeless relationship wise when it wen't down that road (don't wanna be 21 and fumbling around in the sack). Checked up an escort service round january, phoned the chick, went to meet her in her apartment. She's good looking.
Things going fine, she goes down on me, it comes to full on sex and I lose my hard on right at penetration. Get her to go down on me, hard again, same happens again. Waste the rest of the time going down on her/her on me, leave disappointed and her with a bit of a "meh" look on her face.
Then figured hey, 100 euro wasted but what harm, did it again in june cos I figure you gotta keep trying right? Man up etc! Wrong. Good looking again, felt pretty turned on, lost it at penetration. Tried a few times with her, kept happening. Funniest thing about that was, when I left she seemed more unhappy than me.
So turns out i've still got social + "performance" anxiety, even though i've got the willpower to face my fears I still choke horribly. Don't even have the excuse of being gay, that stuff turns me off. Hetero-only works for me just.
Irony was I was worried initially I might finish too fast, rather than not at all. Hah.
On August 23 2011 08:30 Nottoo wrote: Ehm. In terms of entertainment value my embarassing story is more pathetic than funny but maybe im wrong!
Backstory. So was depressed for years and didn't get out much. Found it real tough to be around people in that condition, hard to speak with them etc. Don't get me started on how it was with a girl that was halfway good looking. So didn't have mega social or sexual experience. But after coming out of depression at the age of 21 (started when I was 14 due to bullying and feeling life was pointless n shizzle) I kinda got a new lease on life and decided to get shit done. Real face-your-fears and get over them kinda attitude, get back into the social scene, get confidence, be happy. Exercised lots, dieted, got my body back by losing about 50 pounds in a couple months and looked good again.
Main story: Decided I had to lose my V card or else i'd be hopeless relationship wise when it wen't down that road (don't wanna be 21 and fumbling around in the sack). Checked up an escort service round january, phoned the chick, went to meet her in her apartment. She's good looking.
Things going fine, she goes down on me, it comes to full on sex and I lose my hard on right at penetration. Get her to go down on me, hard again, same happens again. Waste the rest of the time going down on her/her on me, leave disappointed and her with a bit of a "meh" look on her face.
Then figured hey, 100 euro wasted but what harm, did it again in june cos I figure you gotta keep trying right? Man up etc! Wrong. Good looking again, felt pretty turned on, lost it at penetration. Tried a few times with her, kept happening. Funniest thing about that was, when I left she seemed more unhappy than me.
So turns out i've still got social + "performance" anxiety, even though i've got the willpower to face my fears I still choke horribly. Don't even have the excuse of being gay, that stuff turns me off. Hetero-only works for me just.
Irony was I was worried initially I might finish too fast, rather than not at all. Hah.
It is kinda embarassing, given that if you tried that in a relationship you would be destroyed. But hey, I got a laugh out of it, so it's all good.
This isn't my most embarassing story, but I figured I'd share it because it's extremely recent (happened two days ago) and fresh in my head.
I just got back yesterday from a 7 day cruise on the Carnival Conquest that went through Jamaica, Grand Cayman Islands, and Cozumel, Mexico. On the last day they were playing "I am Number Four" on a huge screen on the top deck at around 10:30 at night. There are two jacuzzis behind a small pool surrounded by tons of people sitting/laying in tanning chairs and rocking chairs.
Keep in mind I'm 18 years old, and I'm with my Mom, Dad, and brother who are all sitting around watching the movie with me.
Anyway, I see one of the jacuzzis is empty and I decide to go in with my 15 year old brother. When we get in, it starts making obnoxious, really loud fart noises whenever water bubbles up over the edge and into the drain. More annoying than embarassing really... On top of that my mother decides to bring the camera over and she starts taking pictures of me and my brother in the jacuzzi from every possible angle outside the glass. Then she climbs up the steps to get right next to the jacuzzi and takes a bunch more pics. After she leaves we stay in for another half hour just relaxing and watching the movie.
We get out and lay down for a while before I get the brilliant idea to go back in. It's getting fairly near 11:30 PM at this point. As I am laying there my parents walk by to tell me they're going to get a bite to eat. Now, being the only person in my jacuzzi, I look over to the other jacuzzi and spot a hot girl. Instantly I get a massive boner. Thanks to the constant stimulation of the jets I can't do anything to get rid of it. Of course a few minutes later a staff member walks up the steps and informs me he needs to close the jacuzzi.
I'm frantic on the inside and I delay as long as possible by staying in and pretending I didn't hear him. He walks over to the other jacuzzi to give the girls the same news. He walks back and again tells me he is closing the jacuzzi. I feign calmness and go "Oh, you need me to get out?" and he just blinks, turns around, and proceeds to work on closing the jacuzzi. I get out and walk down the stairs as nonchalantly as possible with my dick clearly bursting out of my bathing suit, slightly hunched over to "hide" it as well as I can. Luckily my seat was very nearby and I slowly walked over and covered up with my towel. Fortunately my parents were still out getting their food and my brother had gone off to find them... I really dodged a bullet there LOL
I imagine a lot of people noticed, and I got some looks but nobody ever said anything about it. The guy who closed the jacuzzis walked by me at one point afterwards and gave me a funny look xD
Here's a picture of the deck so you can picture the situation more clearly:
I was in the jacuzzi on the left and I was laying in the tanning chair at the top of the column of chairs just to the left of the jacuzzi. You can't see the screen in that picture because the camera is near the place the screen would be and facing the same direction as the screen.
This happened to me just before school ended. So it's the end of the school day, pretty much everyone has left with only a handful of students and teachers left. I decided to take an innocent poop before I walk home. I'm sitting in the stall waiting to drop a load, when a couple comes bursting into the bathroom, making out, taking off each others clothes, and saying things not appropriate for TL. I slam my mouth shut, pick my feet up to my chest and wait for them to do the dirty deed. I here the girl ask the guy if he has a condom, and the guy spend the next little while trying to convince her that he doesn't need one. Thank fully she wasn't backing down and she tells him to go check the condom machine, and all I can say is THANK GOD it was empty or else what happened next would be really embarrassing. The couple redresses themselves and leaves the bathroom, I wait another minute before I pull up my pants, and leave (without finishing my poop). I wash my hands, and open the door to see the couple staring wide-eyed at me, amongst a group of about 12 people, all glaring at me. I see a friend of mine in the back of the group looking at me and with the biggest grin I've ever seen, trying his absolute hardest to burst out in laughter. I pause for an endless moment with the group of eyes burning holes in me, to consider my options. In the end I just close the door, and go back to my stall to finish poop and wait for them to leave.
Last Thanksgiving, I went with my family to visit my cousin who is a marine embassy guard stationed in Zagreb, Croatia. We spent some time out on the town. His girlfriend at the time (fiance now) is from Croatia and brought along some of her friends to go out with us. So it's me, my sister (who's a little younger than I) my cousin, his girlfriend... and 3 other beautiful blonde Croatian girls. We danced all night, were drinking and having a great time. Maja and Mateja were kind of competing for my attention. I was sure this would lead to even better things, then...
I either drank too much (not common for me, I'm 6'6" about 285 and it's hard to get too drunk) or I got rufeed because I underwent total blackout. I was drinking some of the girls' drinks too so I think this was possible. Anyways, I made it home being halfway carried by my sister while my drunk cousin was laughing at us. Went inside and sat on the couch next to my mom and proceeded to vomit all over her (I remember none of this). Woke up about 4am on the bathroom floor wondering wtf happened. Worst hangover of my life the next day and got to hear the story about me puking all over my mother.
This one was more embarrassing for my sister than it was for me.
When I was real young, around 7 years old I was walking around our big back yard with a friend playing. We had 3 lots together and the house was only on 1 so we had a pretty big back yard with some play equipment like a little swing set and structure to climb around on. My sister was 5 and running around with one of her friends and climbing on the swing set.
I had just found an awesome stick, and was going around sticking it in dog crap and slinging it off (I know, awesome childhood pastime right?..). I found a huge piece of dog mess and was showing my friend that I couldn't get this piece of crap to come off my stick. So next, I lifted the stick over my head and started violently swinging it to get the crap off the end. Well it came off, and just so happened to fly through the air and smack my sister perfectly on her right eye and stick there.
At this point, I started laughing to the point of crying, and at the same time feeling pretty bad because my sister was climbing down from the jungle gym thing screaming through tears that "IT STINKS AND IT STINGS"
well i get really nervous doing presentations, and this is in college. my face was starting to have spasms, and i had to pause, close my eyes and did a face palm to recompose myself. It was pretty bad...but i finished my presentation never the less on homosexual behavior in animals..
My science teacher in 9th grade, Mr. Shaeffer, was a giant asshole. So, some friends and I would always play pranks and stuff in his class... just general horseplay really. One day we brought a remote control fart machine in and hid it under his projector where he couldn't find it and used it during his lecture, etc.
Well, the Chatos (dance team) at my high school had a booster club sale where they would give you catalogs in class to choose an item like school pride items and some food items and such. So I ended up buying the cinnamon peanuts because they like taste good and stuff.
Anyways, fast forward around a month and we're almost at the end of school in Mr Schaffer's class. We don't have anything to do, so we're gathered in the back around the lab tables just basically BSing the period away while the teacher is at the front of the class helping a group of about 5-6 people that had questions about their test scores or something. We happened to get our booster club items that day, so I'm noming away on my delicious cinnamon peanuts like a boss, when I get a great idea. I turn and look to my friends and say "watch this", then turn and lob a peanut towards my teacher. This fucking homing peanut avoids about 4 heads that were surrounding my teacher and nails him in the center of the forehead. Everyone around me simultaneously scrambles and bursts into laughter while my teacher is getting over the shock that he just got hit in the face with something thrown by a student.
So I end up alone in the back where once was a group of my friends, and he looks down and sees the peanut that hit him and then sees me with a can of them in the back laughing my ass off and basically explodes with anger, SCREAMING that I need to get my ass to the office and he's going to charge me with assault. In my infinite wisdom, and one of the greatest trollface moments of my life, I look back at him through my chuckling and respond "What, assault with a deadly peanut?"
Went on a trip for band. I proceeded to almost slice my fingertip off opening a can of soup, 5 stitches and blood everywhere. I earned the nickname chef for the remainder of the year -_-;;
First off, too much embarassing shit (no pun intended) happens to me in the men's room, so I flinch any time I'm in a public restroom and I hear someone walk in. In fairness I'm in public restrooms a lot, so it's not like every time I enter something's going to hit the fan.
Unfortunately, the others don't know that. So what happens is I'm taking a piss, and I leave my hat next to one of the sinks. Apparenty some guy decides to use that sink, and since I'm the closest person, naturally he asks "Excuse me sir, is this your hat, I need to move it so it doesn't get wet" And then I just immediately turn around, penis in hand, and make one of those sweeps like a colossus laser, except instead of the colossus it's my penis and instead of extended thermal lance it's extended urinary stream.
So I realize I just pissed in a nice semicircle, so I'm about to turn around and correct my mistake, but then I realize it's too late, so I'm just spazzing, looking like something snapped in my brain or something and just being a general idiot. So eventually I just nod, zip up, grab my hat and leave in my usual awkward shit-walk.
I used to play goalie in little league hockey and shat my pants right before a game... had no chance to clean up because of all the pads... so I played an entire game with a full load in my undies.
I believe FJ, I have Filipino friends there and they tell me...lots of things.
Anyway, I'm a shy, cautious person so I rarely embarrass myself. One of those rare times when I was about 8 and with my family at a local mall. I spot a well-known celebrity and without thinking, screamed her name.
Just about everyone within hearing distance (which is pretty far, damn acoustics and the mall not being crowded at the time) looked at me and stared, including the celebrity. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.
I remember not talking to anyone for days. Even now remembering it embarrasses me a lot, especially because I'm normally shy.
On August 23 2011 13:03 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: More toilet time.
First off, too much embarassing shit (no pun intended) happens to me in the men's room, so I flinch any time I'm in a public restroom and I hear someone walk in. In fairness I'm in public restrooms a lot, so it's not like every time I enter something's going to hit the fan.
Unfortunately, the others don't know that. So what happens is I'm taking a piss, and I leave my hat next to one of the sinks. Apparenty some guy decides to use that sink, and since I'm the closest person, naturally he asks "Excuse me sir, is this your hat, I need to move it so it doesn't get wet" And then I just immediately turn around, penis in hand, and make one of those sweeps like a colossus laser, except instead of the colossus it's my penis and instead of extended thermal lance it's extended urinary stream.
So I realize I just pissed in a nice semicircle, so I'm about to turn around and correct my mistake, but then I realize it's too late, so I'm just spazzing, looking like something snapped in my brain or something and just being a general idiot. So eventually I just nod, zip up, grab my hat and leave in my usual awkward shit-walk.
If I were you, I would buy some sort of bag you strap to you leg and piss into, just so you never have to use a bathroom again!
On August 23 2011 15:25 Mariella wrote: I believe FJ, I have Filipino friends there and they tell me...lots of things.
Anyway, I'm a shy, cautious person so I rarely embarrass myself. One of those rare times when I was about 8 and with my family at a local mall. I spot a well-known celebrity and without thinking, screamed her name.
Just about everyone within hearing distance (which is pretty far, damn acoustics and the mall not being crowded at the time) looked at me and stared, including the celebrity. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.
I remember not talking to anyone for days. Even now remembering it embarrasses me a lot, especially because I'm normally shy.
Weeh di nga??
haha. I once was in a mall here, and thought I saw Morgan Freeman. I followed him around the mall, in a bit of a stalkery way, trying to be sure it was him. I just couldn't tell. He looked like Morgan, and walked with confidence like he was famous. After a little while, I noticed people turning heads at him as well. I decided it was.
So I shouted 'Morgan Freeman' and walked over to him, I was just behind him, hands out, he turned....it wasn't him, no way.
I didn't know what to do, I just walked right past him, hand extended, and just kept going into the closest shop.
On August 13 2011 06:20 FJ wrote: So I once went to a Filipino club, which all my stories seem to come from.
The, I suppose host of the Club is a gay Filipino man. In between the bands and dancers he introduces them and he also does a bit of singing.
So I stand out like a saw thumb in this place (A good thing, I get the pick of the girls haha) I am the only white, or non-pinoy and about a foot taller than everyone, even though I am just under 6 foot.
So I am sat at the table with some friends listening to the band, having fun. Then the host comes over to my table and asks about why I'm here in a Filipino club, what I am doing. He seems friendly enough, but then he makes some passes at me haha. I explain I am not gay, but he says that wont stop him.
Then he sits with us in the night and makes friends with us.
Later that night I get a text from an unknown number while I am at home. It's him, calling me 'Big bird' and telling me how cute me, and my ass is.
He got my number from a friend.
Anyway, two or 2 weeks later I go back to the club and I am enjoying the band once again.
Then the band ends and this guy is on stage again. He says 'Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my love' Then the lights go out, and a spot light lands on me....
I cave to the peer pressure from the entire club and walk to the stage and hop on. Then he calls me big bird, and serenades me with a romance song. So I just stand there, feeling so embarrassed as this gay guy sings a love song to me in front of everyone.
I never got any girls that night, just a lot of gay guys making passes on me.
Oh man, standing on that stage was sooooo embarrassing.
Absolutely brilliant story, made me laugh nicely
Im afraid I dont have too many good ones myself, but since I'll be heading off to university in a couple of weeks Im expecting to be able to contribute soon xD
On August 23 2011 15:25 Mariella wrote: I believe FJ, I have Filipino friends there and they tell me...lots of things.
Anyway, I'm a shy, cautious person so I rarely embarrass myself. One of those rare times when I was about 8 and with my family at a local mall. I spot a well-known celebrity and without thinking, screamed her name.
Just about everyone within hearing distance (which is pretty far, damn acoustics and the mall not being crowded at the time) looked at me and stared, including the celebrity. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.
I remember not talking to anyone for days. Even now remembering it embarrasses me a lot, especially because I'm normally shy.
Weeh di nga??
haha. I once was in a mall here, and thought I saw Morgan Freeman. I followed him around the mall, in a bit of a stalkery way, trying to be sure it was him. I just couldn't tell. He looked like Morgan, and walked with confidence like he was famous. After a little while, I noticed people turning heads at him as well. I decided it was.
So I shouted 'Morgan Freeman' and walked over to him, I was just behind him, hands out, he turned....it wasn't him, no way.
I didn't know what to do, I just walked right past him, hand extended, and just kept going into the closest shop.
Di ako sinungaling haha! Personally I only know a few friends who went there and they're luckier than the others; they got good-paying jobs in magazines and actually live in apartments (or at least they have their own room, they've never made that clear, really, at least I'm sure a friend of mine is doing great since he told me he bought a TV and PS3 and has his own computer). They do tell me about the others who are worse off, who live in poverty and send everything home, and I have neighbors who are over there as well although I don't know them personally. The saddest part is sometimes the husband/wife left at home cheats on their spouse, it's always sad when I hear that, you work so hard for your family but your significant other just spends time (and money) on someone else. Happened to my aunt, although she went to the US as a nurse. Haven't seen my cousins for years because the husband ceased most contact with our side of the family.
Anyway, stories, right? When I was 13, I call out on my first crush back in high school so I could confess. So I head to the meeting place and...well, HALF the class was there. We have large class sizes. I was standing alone on one side with everyone else across from me, on an outdoor bench/table.
I swallow my embarrassment and go ahead with the confession, anyway. And, well, I get turned down. And the others start laughing. I really wanted to cry, but I tried to hold my head high. I don't remember much from that day, I vaguely remember standing there for like 15 more minutes, then everyone eventually disperses and returns to the classroom since lunch break was almost over. I slink in last.
So, yeah, confessing in front of a crowd, getting turned down, plus getting laughed at caused all my succeeding confessions to be through text messaging.
Warning: Very Long and Random Story and I'm bad at storytelling. This is the story of the most eventful day in my entire life (well one of the most eventful I think) some facts you should know : I'm fluent in Chinese, I was a complete nerd 2 yrs ago (when this story happened less of nerd now but still nerd tho )
I was 16, wandering around a part of Beijing with I believe 6-8~ buddies I had met earlier, 5 of them girls. I was pretty carefree, and I was like "alright guys I'm up for whatever you guys want to do"
I remember this day pretty well, and around 11am~ we met up to go ice skating. It was like 40 degrees Celsius outside so of course ice skating is incredibly appealing. I had played Hockey for a great deal of my younger years so I consider myself proficient at ice skating, and I was easily better at it than anyone else.
So this is when disaster struck, everyone more or less knew how to at least move on ice with skates, but this one girl didn't know how to ice skate, and so I was tasked with the job of teaching her.
I was 16, and usually didn't spend much time with girls . Also, the 5 girls I was with were probably the prettiest 16 year olds I had ever seen up until that point in time which certainly didn't help.
I can't remember all the details but I got extremely flustered after about 20?~ ish minutes of holding this girls hand and picking her up bridal style several times (Yes on ice skates I'm baller). She just laughed and smiled while completely failing to learn how to ice skate the entire time which I didn't really mind.
So then 3 of the other people who were there started teasing me and her over and over. Even though she had a boyfriend(who was not there), I figured at that time that Chinese kids are really fucking chill with everything and poke fun at each other all the time.
Finally, what ended up going down was that (out of good fun I suppose) they pushed me into her, it was a light push but I wasn't ready for it at all and I was about to fall, and out of pure fucking instinct grabbed her shirt (since it was summer we were all wearing like barely nothing) and tore it straight off.
Furthermore, she was really bad at just keeping her balance, causing her to fall down as well (Not on top of me I should clarify). At this point, everyone on the entire rink just stared at me (There were children too). She was giving me a sort of "fuck you look" which made me just want to shrink into a hole and kill myself, but then she sort of forgave all of us.The worse part was that since it was summer I was wearing a tshirt and shorts, and cut up my shins and my right arm. She got hurt as well (not serious, only a small cut I believe) but the Ice Rink guys just shouted "Stay there" and after around 2 minutes of everyone fucking staring at me and the girl, they gave her a blanket and gave me bandages. Then, we got kicked out because our time in the rink was about over. Was so embarrassing, the people who pushed me down apologized though I should add.
So thankfully, I had an extra shirt in my backpack which I let her borrow for the rest of the day.
To continue the story, it was only around 1PM at that time, and we went to place to sing Karaoke for around 5 hours, and everyone eventually got over my getting pushed down failure. This is when I demonstrated my absolutely horrid singing skills, and I can deal with people laughing at me, but once again I'm sensitive to being criticized by girls my age l0l.
After we got tired of singing, in the Karaoke room we played a game where the guys would sit in the middle of 2 girls, and then a tissue would be passed using mouth only, and everyone had to take a piece of the tissue off so it was only like a tiny bit left. And so, you had to mouth to mouth it to transfer, and if you failed you had to lick the ashtray. I will admit that it was my first kiss I had ever had, and it was also the first time I had played this game ever, and so I failed to pass the tissue every time, dropping it because I was too scared to move my tongue so it would go into the girls mouth. Thank god I didn't have to sit next to the girl I had the incident with though.
Needless to say, I licked that ashtray quite a bit, thankfully there was only a tiny bit of ash since only 1 person in the entire group smoked, and I was able to get away with mostly licking the side l0l.
So in the end, we were all cool, I was really embarrassed so many times, but these Chinese friends of mine were super care-free and pretty much forgot about each of my fails after 15 minutes.
On August 23 2011 15:25 Mariella wrote: I believe FJ, I have Filipino friends there and they tell me...lots of things.
Anyway, I'm a shy, cautious person so I rarely embarrass myself. One of those rare times when I was about 8 and with my family at a local mall. I spot a well-known celebrity and without thinking, screamed her name.
Just about everyone within hearing distance (which is pretty far, damn acoustics and the mall not being crowded at the time) looked at me and stared, including the celebrity. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.
I remember not talking to anyone for days. Even now remembering it embarrasses me a lot, especially because I'm normally shy.
Weeh di nga??
haha. I once was in a mall here, and thought I saw Morgan Freeman. I followed him around the mall, in a bit of a stalkery way, trying to be sure it was him. I just couldn't tell. He looked like Morgan, and walked with confidence like he was famous. After a little while, I noticed people turning heads at him as well. I decided it was.
So I shouted 'Morgan Freeman' and walked over to him, I was just behind him, hands out, he turned....it wasn't him, no way.
I didn't know what to do, I just walked right past him, hand extended, and just kept going into the closest shop.
Di ako sinungaling haha! Personally I only know a few friends who went there and they're luckier than the others; they got good-paying jobs in magazines and actually live in apartments (or at least they have their own room, they've never made that clear, really, at least I'm sure a friend of mine is doing great since he told me he bought a TV and PS3 and has his own computer). They do tell me about the others who are worse off, who live in poverty and send everything home, and I have neighbors who are over there as well although I don't know them personally. The saddest part is sometimes the husband/wife left at home cheats on their spouse, it's always sad when I hear that, you work so hard for your family but your significant other just spends time (and money) on someone else. Happened to my aunt, although she went to the US as a nurse. Haven't seen my cousins for years because the husband ceased most contact with our side of the family.
Anyway, stories, right? When I was 13, I call out on my first crush back in high school so I could confess. So I head to the meeting place and...well, HALF the class was there. We have large class sizes. I was standing alone on one side with everyone else across from me, on an outdoor bench/table.
I swallow my embarrassment and go ahead with the confession, anyway. And, well, I get turned down. And the others start laughing. I really wanted to cry, but I tried to hold my head high. I don't remember much from that day, I vaguely remember standing there for like 15 more minutes, then everyone eventually disperses and returns to the classroom since lunch break was almost over. I slink in last.
So, yeah, confessing in front of a crowd, getting turned down, plus getting laughed at caused all my succeeding confessions to be through text messaging.
Not all live in 70 to a house places. I do have some friends who have their own place for just their family, it is a big range. I also have lots of friends who share a bunch bed, and live in poverty. Still, they're my good friends.
A friend of mine, who is very shy, she works in Subway near to my work. I was just chatting to her and she mentioned it was her birthday, and said I am welcome to go and visit her. So I went that night to her home, which is a villa, and in her tiny room is 2 bunk beds. She was so happy to see that I came, and embarrassed at her place. She said, she has no music or anything to play, so we played cards. Then she said she would offer me birthday cake, but she couldn't afford it. So instead, we sat on the floor eating rice. I felt sooo sad for her, I could have cried. So I grabbed her hand, and marcher her out of the house and to the shop. I grabbed a basket and filled it with as much cake and sweets as I could fit in the basket. Then I bought some cheap speakers, some candles and matches, and we went back. I plugged in my ipod, and we ate the food and had a party. She was crying when I gave her the cake. She was very grateful.
Lots of cheating here. The pinoy call is a Dubai GF/BF. You ask them: So do you have a BF? and they reply: Yes, but not a Duabi BF hehe. But most are faithful or single.
i am a big guy like almost 2 meters and about 110 kg ( 230 pounds something like that). i play football ( the football that is actually played with the foot!!) and i have this "after exercice sweat" kind of thing. maybe some of you know what i mean. you finish exercicing, shower, everything is fine and then you still sweat like you just finished a marathon. usually no big deal, i chill out after the training for like half an hour and its fine.
so this was last week, i needed grocerys since i had nothing to eat left at home. rushed from work to football practice. practice was over 9:45 PM. Stores are open until 10PM here. i decided to rush into the shower and race to the grocery store to get something to eat. i made it barely in time. 9:55 i enter the store. already a bit sweaty. i literally sprinted through the store grabbing things because i personally hate it when customers are slow as fuck and the poor people working have to do some extra minutes.
got my stuff, it was 10pm exactly, i came along the last isle before the check-out and then saw a girl i knew from a party a few weeks before. she saw me and decided to have a chit chat while in queue. yeah .. perfect.. because at that moment i was sweating like a mad man. sweat pouring down my face, my shirt gets soaked ... fuck it was dripping down my nose. like a friggin waterfall.
conversation started like this: hey latty, nice to meet you. hey these are my parents and my siblings, as she pointed to a massive amount of people behind me, i turned around, they looked at me like i just killed someone. turned back to her, only said "oh hi" while sweating rivers .... then there was this awkward silence.
hell that was emberrasing....
and a second one happend to me while i was visiting a friend. we went to a fast food place, i got me some delicious food and a big coke. chilled in the restaurant and .. i dont know why .. but i had the cup with my coke placed on my leg, chillin like a boss. as we wanted to go i realized that the condensed water ( idk if its the correct term sorry) made my jeans all wet right beside my crotch. as we had planned to hopp into a bar directly after i wanted to dry that spot because it looked like i pissed myself .. so i went to the toilet looking for some paper towels to rub it dry. turns out there was only a fan to dry hands. me as the clever person i am turn on the dryer and stand under that thing to dry my crotch.. you know how that looks like. and immediately after i placed myself like a dumbass under the hand dryer the maintenance woman comes in, opens the door, locks it and starts to mop the floor. and half the restaurant looked at me through the open toilet door while i was getting a "head" from a hand dryer.....
thats what i call murphys law!
hope you guys understand what i wrote. not the ebst english right here ...
So for several months I was jobless, and without studies. I literally became bachelor frog. In my room I have thick black out, floor to ceiling curtains. It is also very very hot here in Dubai, so I like to sit around my room naked.
Anyhow. One day, I was just chilling out, playing some Xbox, naked, and got pretty thirsty.
I had to recollection of what day it was, or time, since I was being foul bachelor frog. I glanced at the analogue clock I had, and it read 3:15. I my body clock was telling me it was AM. I had the curtains drawn, so it was dark in my room.
I stepped outside into the hall way. All the bedroom doors where closed. The maids room door, the office door, the storage room door, and the laundry room door where closed. We have big heavy doors, and no windows in the hall, so it was pitch black also.
I open the door into the kitchen. I have a huge kitchen, with 2 sofas and a 42" TV in there. I open the doors at step into the room, completely naked.
Sat down, watching TV is my dad.....Shit. Then I realized it was actually 3:15pm. Embarrassing.
"once my mum walked in on me and a girl...position was reverse cowgirl going at it both completely naked....awkward as fuck the whole next week " - Zyzz
On August 23 2011 13:03 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: More toilet time.
First off, too much embarassing shit (no pun intended) happens to me in the men's room, so I flinch any time I'm in a public restroom and I hear someone walk in. In fairness I'm in public restrooms a lot, so it's not like every time I enter something's going to hit the fan.
Unfortunately, the others don't know that. So what happens is I'm taking a piss, and I leave my hat next to one of the sinks. Apparenty some guy decides to use that sink, and since I'm the closest person, naturally he asks "Excuse me sir, is this your hat, I need to move it so it doesn't get wet" And then I just immediately turn around, penis in hand, and make one of those sweeps like a colossus laser, except instead of the colossus it's my penis and instead of extended thermal lance it's extended urinary stream.
So I realize I just pissed in a nice semicircle, so I'm about to turn around and correct my mistake, but then I realize it's too late, so I'm just spazzing, looking like something snapped in my brain or something and just being a general idiot. So eventually I just nod, zip up, grab my hat and leave in my usual awkward shit-walk.
dude i couldnt stop laughing for 2 minutes i thought i was going to die, the colossus comparison got to me
A lot of toilet story here. Oh well, here's another:
Once when I was in university, I had to take a number 2 really bad. There were these two single person "man/women/handicap" washrooms, I think you know what I'm tal king about. I was really in a rush, didn't take the time to figure out how the door lock worked (I think you're getting an idea where this is going). It didn't look like there was a lock button but looked like you hit a button and a light on the outside comes on to show it's occupied.
So I did that and went on to do my much needed "business". And wouldn't you know it, the door is not locked, and not long after, a girl walked in on me as I sitting on the toilet taking a dump. It was a very brief sec, all I could utter out of my mouse was "Excuse me", and girl also snapped around very quickly and said sorry. I was like holy shit the door is not locked, but I can't exactly stand up to lock it as I was still in the middle of a very "rush business". As I desperately trying to finish as fast as humanly possible, guess what, another girl walked in on me. It was just like an instant replay. My auto pilot said "excuse me" again, and she snapped around and said sorry, too. Most likely "can not be unseen" for both of them.
At this point of course the "threat level alarm" is now much higher in my head after the first "intrusion". I was thinking like "omg some one's gonna walk in again any time now, I must leave this place". And the fact that both were girls made me extra nervous. And it was about at this point, I noticed the big tempon dispenser right in front of my face. And my confidence in "this is a unisex washroom" just went out of the window and I was like "OMG...I"m in the girls warshroom taking a dump".
A bunch of scenarios immediatly flew through my head very fast, including girls calling the campus security, and the image of me been escorted out of a girls warshroom while others point and whisper. So this was a time where it's mind over matter. Suddenly whatever was left of my number 2 didn't had to go anymore and I wiped, pulled up my my pants, and washed my hands faster than a speeding bullet but in what seemed like an eternity. The whole time I was just praying "no more girls coming in, no more girls coming in".
Then I walked out the washroom rapidly but casually like a boss pretending that I didn't know anything was wrong and didn't dare to turn around to check whether it was really only girls washroom or not (although I was pretty sure that it was a "men/women/handicap" single person washroom").
Anyways, the moral of the story is: Always try the outside handle before closing the door that it is locable before using any single-person washrooms.
Another story when I was younger, in middle school, I was 10 or 11 I think. During ressess I was teasing this girl and took her pencil case and won't give it back to her. Then the bell rang and the everyone rushed back to their seats. The the girl and I also went back to our respective seats. I still had her pencil case and she was yelling at me to give it back to her. Then I heard the teacher was near the door and I felt that there was no time for me to stand up walk back 3 rows to give the pencil case back to her. So I just threw it at her. And then I watched in slow motion as the girl missed the pencil case with her hands and the fully loaded metal pencil case smacked her flat in the face.
I felt really bad but the teacher walked in right after and I was too nervous to stand up and go see if she was alright. I felt so bad I didn't even dare to turn around to glance at her. Last thing I saw was she hold her face in pain and trying not to cry. After class I was scared like a pussy and ran home for lunch.
After lunch her mom brought her back to school to show the teacher her semi swollen face and the teacher made me tell my parents and my parents took me to her house to apologize to her. I was so embarrassed and was crying through out the whole apology.
Thankfully she wasn't seriously hurt, and we went on to be pretty good friends. But she still told a bunch of people how I cried like a baby during my apology, so that was extra embarrassing.
One more long story, when I was even younger, like I was 7 I think. It's embarrassing and funny at the same time. The background is that my dad was very strict when i was young. If I did something bad or broke some rules, he would smack my hands or spank me really hard. So I was pretty scared of pissing him off.
I was grade two at the time I think. One day after school, I was playing with some of my friends, just running around on streets play tag or some random made up games and just generally fooling around. I was having a lot of fun and forgot the time. By the time I reach my home, it was like pass 6 o'clock, like more than an hour and half pass when I normally should be home. Then I realized the terrible fact that I was gonna have to tell my dad that fooled around on the streets for that long, not coming home for homework and stuff, and he was surely gonna give me some beating for that. And I was just like totally feeling like an idiot that I didn't think about this went I was playing on the streets.
So now I was really scared of going inside, but sudden a crazy idea popt into my head, "I can walk to my grandma's place, grandma always spoiled me and if she calls my dad to go pick me up, she won't allow him to beat". Sounds like a decent plan, but here's what made it crazy: my grandma lived really really far away, not just for a 7-year-old. At the time, My dad took me to grandma's place every weekend. I would sit on his bicycle (on the bar connecting the handles to the seat, this was shanghai china, common practice, and bicycle is everyone's primary means of commute.) and it took like an good 45 min to an hour for my dad to ride bicycle to my grandma's place. And since he always took the same route, after siting on his bicycle for the trip every weekend for like a couple of years, I know the route by heart.
So that was my plan, follow my dad's bicycle route, walked all the way to my grandma's place. To say the traffic was not that safe in Shanghai at the time is a gross understatement. I had in my head that I'll always follow the traffic light, only cross on green lights. Seems basic I know, but at the time, everyone jaywalked, if you stood at the red light and not crossing, people looked at you like you were retarded or something. Anyways, I walked and walked, trying to be as safe as possible, even stopped at some arcade to look at people playing Street Fighter II (you probably guess how old I am now based on this). Don't remember much of the details, but when I finally reached my grandma's place, it was like 20:30 or almost 21:00. So at least a good 2 and half hour walk, carrying my heavy "chinese bookworm student" school bag. But these are all just setups, here comes the good part.
I shouted at the house to get my grandma to open the door for me. Out came on the balcony was my uncle (my dad's younger brother, his family lived with my grandma still at the time). When he saw me, his eyes opened wide and said in a shocking tone, "FAD??? How did you get here???" I was very tired but feeling kind of good that I made the journey, but his next words pretty much petrified me. He turned around and screamed into the house: "Brother! FAD is HERE!!!" (Brother of course = my dad...)
So, this was what went through my head in the next 0.5 seconds as I gasped for air in horror: "IT'S TUESDAY! Every Tuesday my dad gets off work late and since my grandma's place is close to work, he would come here to have dinner. EVERY TUESDAY! OMFG! HE'S HEREEEEE!!!!!" And my head was just about to explode at my stupidity that I forgot it was Tuesday and that I just walked almost 3 hours trying to avoid my dad and walked to exactly where he was.
So been unable to process another rational thought in my exploding head, I forgot about my exhaustion, spun around, and TOOK OFF as fast as I could. I ran straight to the nearest alley and hid there, trying to catch my breath, and piece together my now shattered reality. Then I saw my uncle speeding down the main street on his bicycle screaming my name, believing that I began to run back home after I found out my dad is here (my dad's strictness was common knowledge among the family). And that was honestly my body's first reaction, to run back home, but as I hid in the alley, exhausted from the long walked, starving because it was way pass my dinner time, and as the last bit of day light was fading away, I came to the sad but undeniable reality, that there's no way I was going to make it back home.
So I finally conceded, walked to my grandma's house. Everyone was super relieved that I did not try to walk back to my home, and at the same time shocked that I walked almost 3 hours by myself through the rough traffics. The rest is a bit blurry, I told everyone the reason of my journey, as I devoured down the dinner left overs. My dad took a storm of criticism from my grandparents, as you can probably imagine, things along the line of "Look what you did to this kid! He's so scared of you that he walked 3 hours to run away from you!" So it was kind of embarrassing for him as well. At the same time, they all laughed at my stupidity that I walked for 3 hours and straight to where my dad is.
In the end my dad didn't punished me for this stunt I pulled, probably because he didn't know whether to yell at me or laugh at me. I always thought of this as an embarrassing but interesting story. Here it is sharing with TL.
TLDR: When I was 7 or 8, I walked 3 hours from my home to my grandma's home to avoid punishment from my dad. Only to found out when I got there that he was there...face palm
Another short one with my strict Dad: (all dialogs are rough translation from chinese to english)
When I was very young, can't remember what age, one day I noticed a difference between my dad's watch and the clock in the house, that the watch's "second hand" moves faster than the clock's "second hand". So I asked my dad,
"Why does the watch's second hand moves faster than the clock's? Shouldn't both tell time at the same speed?"
And my dad being the troll he was (or tried created an educational moment), answered with another question: "OK, you observed that the second hands are at different speed, so how can you confirm that the watch is running at the same speed as the clock?"
And I was baffled, so I answered tentatively: "uhh....you look at whether the minute hands are moving at the same speed?"
And my dad was like "WHAT?! What kind of stupid answer is that? Can you see the minute hands moving?" I was like, "uh...no..." And my dad was like, "Come on THINK! What's the most obvious way you can tell whether the watch is really faster than the clock or not???"
Him yelling at me of course didn't help me the least bit, only made me more nervous and unable to think, so I said: "uhh...you...you look at...which hour hand is moving faster???"
To this day I still can not believe how stupid of an answer that was, lol. So naturally, that ticked my dad right off:
"WHAT THE F***??!! ARE YOU F***ING RETARDED?! If you can't see the minute hand moving, how the F*** are you going to see the hour hand moving??!! THINK before you speak Dumb Ass!!"
And as I ran out of "hands" on the clock to observe I just started crying (I was kind of a cry baby when I was young).
Anyways, the answer is of course to see if they are showing the same time or not. Or to observe the speed more accurately, just take a note of the time showing on each one now, and then wait a while and see if there is a change in the time difference. Apparently this was too much for me as young boy to recognized. Feel pretty stupid every time I think back to this incident.
Earlier this year, there was a HUGE horse racing event. Something like the grand royal horse racing thing. Either way, it was MASSIVE, full of rich people. posh and expensive. You weren't allowed in without a nice suit and shelling out for expensive tickets. The sort of place that had butlers walking around handing out champagne, and it was just all round posh. They had some fashion shows, and people were all wearing their best clothes and were all up their own arse posh snobs.
Well, I had tickets to go, and being the knob that I am, decided to rent a tux.....complete with top hat, monocle, cane, those white things over your shoes, pocket watch chain, fake mutton chops, and fancy french beard. The WHOLE works to being a dick head.
So I went to the event wearing all of that....I got there, and everyone just started at me, I expected that, but I thought a few people would find it amusing. Well I was wrong, everyone just stared at me for it....thinking 'what a little prick' I felt pretty stupid...
I felt worse when I entered the fashion show 'best dressed man' competition. I didn't even pass round one! I lost to a fat guy in a kilt! I just got laughed off the stage. I felt really stupid!
On August 27 2011 10:48 FADCoUltra wrote: One more long story, when I was even younger, like I was 7 I think. It's embarrassing and funny at the same time. The background is that my dad was very strict when i was young. If I did something bad or broke some rules, he would smack my hands or spank me really hard. So I was pretty scared of pissing him off.
I was grade two at the time I think. One day after school, I was playing with some of my friends, just running around on streets play tag or some random made up games and just generally fooling around. I was having a lot of fun and forgot the time. By the time I reach my home, it was like pass 6 o'clock, like more than an hour and half pass when I normally should be home. Then I realized the terrible fact that I was gonna have to tell my dad that fooled around on the streets for that long, not coming home for homework and stuff, and he was surely gonna give me some beating for that. And I was just like totally feeling like an idiot that I didn't think about this went I was playing on the streets.
So now I was really scared of going inside, but sudden a crazy idea popt into my head, "I can walk to my grandma's place, grandma always spoiled me and if she calls my dad to go pick me up, she won't allow him to beat". Sounds like a decent plan, but here's what made it crazy: my grandma lived really really far away, not just for a 7-year-old. At the time, My dad took me to grandma's place every weekend. I would sit on his bicycle (on the bar connecting the handles to the seat, this was shanghai china, common practice, and bicycle is everyone's primary means of commute.) and it took like an good 45 min to an hour for my dad to ride bicycle to my grandma's place. And since he always took the same route, after siting on his bicycle for the trip every weekend for like a couple of years, I know the route by heart.
So that was my plan, follow my dad's bicycle route, walked all the way to my grandma's place. To say the traffic was not that safe in Shanghai at the time is a gross understatement. I had in my head that I'll always follow the traffic light, only cross on green lights. Seems basic I know, but at the time, everyone jaywalked, if you stood at the red light and not crossing, people looked at you like you were retarded or something. Anyways, I walked and walked, trying to be as safe as possible, even stopped at some arcade to look at people playing Street Fighter II (you probably guess how old I am now based on this). Don't remember much of the details, but when I finally reached my grandma's place, it was like 20:30 or almost 21:00. So at least a good 2 and half hour walk, carrying my heavy "chinese bookworm student" school bag. But these are all just setups, here comes the good part.
I shouted at the house to get my grandma to open the door for me. Out came on the balcony was my uncle (my dad's younger brother, his family lived with my grandma still at the time). When he saw me, his eyes opened wide and said in a shocking tone, "FAD??? How did you get here???" I was very tired but feeling kind of good that I made the journey, but his next words pretty much petrified me. He turned around and screamed into the house: "Brother! FAD is HERE!!!" (Brother of course = my dad...)
So, this was what went through my head in the next 0.5 seconds as I gasped for air in horror: "IT'S TUESDAY! Every Tuesday my dad gets off work late and since my grandma's place is close to work, he would come here to have dinner. EVERY TUESDAY! OMFG! HE'S HEREEEEE!!!!!" And my head was just about to explode at my stupidity that I forgot it was Tuesday and that I just walked almost 3 hours trying to avoid my dad and walked to exactly where he was.
So been unable to process another rational thought in my exploding head, I forgot about my exhaustion, spun around, and TOOK OFF as fast as I could. I ran straight to the nearest alley and hid there, trying to catch my breath, and piece together my now shattered reality. Then I saw my uncle speeding down the main street on his bicycle screaming my name, believing that I began to run back home after I found out my dad is here (my dad's strictness was common knowledge among the family). And that was honestly my body's first reaction, to run back home, but as I hid in the alley, exhausted from the long walked, starving because it was way pass my dinner time, and as the last bit of day light was fading away, I came to the sad but undeniable reality, that there's no way I was going to make it back home.
So I finally conceded, walked to my grandma's house. Everyone was super relieved that I did not try to walk back to my home, and at the same time shocked that I walked almost 3 hours by myself through the rough traffics. The rest is a bit blurry, I told everyone the reason of my journey, as I devoured down the dinner left overs. My dad took a storm of criticism from my grandparents, as you can probably imagine, things along the line of "Look what you did to this kid! He's so scared of you that he walked 3 hours to run away from you!" So it was kind of embarrassing for him as well. At the same time, they all laughed at my stupidity that I walked for 3 hours and straight to where my dad is.
In the end my dad didn't punished me for this stunt I pulled, probably because he didn't know whether to yell at me or laugh at me. I always thought of this as an embarrassing but interesting story. Here it is sharing with TL.
TLDR: When I was 7 or 8, I walked 3 hours from my home to my grandma's home to avoid punishment from my dad. Only to found out when I got there that he was there...face palm
I read Choke a while ago (back in high school) and if anyone has read the book (it's by Chuck Palahniuk, i recommend it) it's about a sex-addict who's mother is in a hopstial and he has to bang a doctor to get a stem baby to make his mother well. Anyway, during spanish class my teacher looks over and sees what i'm reading. She's read the same thing, right? So we start talking about it, and she tells me it's all about the love a mother/son share. No way dude! it's about a sex-fiend who is self-destructive. We argue about sex in class for about 20 minutes, while all the other kids laugh. Good times.
One more long story, when I was even younger, like I was 7 I think. It's embarrassing and funny at the same time. The background is that my dad was very strict when i was young. If I did something bad or broke some rules, he would smack my hands or spank me really hard. So I was pretty scared of pissing him off.
I was grade two at the time I think. One day after school, I was playing with some of my friends, just running around on streets play tag or some random made up games and just generally fooling around. I was having a lot of fun and forgot the time. By the time I reach my home, it was like pass 6 o'clock, like more than an hour and half pass when I normally should be home. Then I realized the terrible fact that I was gonna have to tell my dad that fooled around on the streets for that long, not coming home for homework and stuff, and he was surely gonna give me some beating for that. And I was just like totally feeling like an idiot that I didn't think about this went I was playing on the streets.
So now I was really scared of going inside, but sudden a crazy idea popt into my head, "I can walk to my grandma's place, grandma always spoiled me and if she calls my dad to go pick me up, she won't allow him to beat". Sounds like a decent plan, but here's what made it crazy: my grandma lived really really far away, not just for a 7-year-old. At the time, My dad took me to grandma's place every weekend. I would sit on his bicycle (on the bar connecting the handles to the seat, this was shanghai china, common practice, and bicycle is everyone's primary means of commute.) and it took like an good 45 min to an hour for my dad to ride bicycle to my grandma's place. And since he always took the same route, after siting on his bicycle for the trip every weekend for like a couple of years, I know the route by heart.
So that was my plan, follow my dad's bicycle route, walked all the way to my grandma's place. To say the traffic was not that safe in Shanghai at the time is a gross understatement. I had in my head that I'll always follow the traffic light, only cross on green lights. Seems basic I know, but at the time, everyone jaywalked, if you stood at the red light and not crossing, people looked at you like you were retarded or something. Anyways, I walked and walked, trying to be as safe as possible, even stopped at some arcade to look at people playing Street Fighter II (you probably guess how old I am now based on this). Don't remember much of the details, but when I finally reached my grandma's place, it was like 20:30 or almost 21:00. So at least a good 2 and half hour walk, carrying my heavy "chinese bookworm student" school bag. But these are all just setups, here comes the good part.
I shouted at the house to get my grandma to open the door for me. Out came on the balcony was my uncle (my dad's younger brother, his family lived with my grandma still at the time). When he saw me, his eyes opened wide and said in a shocking tone, "FAD??? How did you get here???" I was very tired but feeling kind of good that I made the journey, but his next words pretty much petrified me. He turned around and screamed into the house: "Brother! FAD is HERE!!!" (Brother of course = my dad...)
So, this was what went through my head in the next 0.5 seconds as I gasped for air in horror: "IT'S TUESDAY! Every Tuesday my dad gets off work late and since my grandma's place is close to work, he would come here to have dinner. EVERY TUESDAY! OMFG! HE'S HEREEEEE!!!!!" And my head was just about to explode at my stupidity that I forgot it was Tuesday and that I just walked almost 3 hours trying to avoid my dad and walked to exactly where he was.
So been unable to process another rational thought in my exploding head, I forgot about my exhaustion, spun around, and TOOK OFF as fast as I could. I ran straight to the nearest alley and hid there, trying to catch my breath, and piece together my now shattered reality. Then I saw my uncle speeding down the main street on his bicycle screaming my name, believing that I began to run back home after I found out my dad is here (my dad's strictness was common knowledge among the family). And that was honestly my body's first reaction, to run back home, but as I hid in the alley, exhausted from the long walked, starving because it was way pass my dinner time, and as the last bit of day light was fading away, I came to the sad but undeniable reality, that there's no way I was going to make it back home.
So I finally conceded, walked to my grandma's house. Everyone was super relieved that I did not try to walk back to my home, and at the same time shocked that I walked almost 3 hours by myself through the rough traffics. The rest is a bit blurry, I told everyone the reason of my journey, as I devoured down the dinner left overs. My dad took a storm of criticism from my grandparents, as you can probably imagine, things along the line of "Look what you did to this kid! He's so scared of you that he walked 3 hours to run away from you!" So it was kind of embarrassing for him as well. At the same time, they all laughed at my stupidity that I walked for 3 hours and straight to where my dad is.
In the end my dad didn't punished me for this stunt I pulled, probably because he didn't know whether to yell at me or laugh at me. I always thought of this as an embarrassing but interesting story. Here it is sharing with TL.
TLDR: When I was 7 or 8, I walked 3 hours from my home to my grandma's home to avoid punishment from my dad. Only to found out when I got there that he was there...face palm
LOL thats an awesome story!
Thanks man! I was hoping some one would enjoy this story!
EPT
just kinda intersting.![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/YykMZ.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kpm2c0cPrq1qa1crjo1_500.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/993/62a/ddf/resized/socially-awkward-penguin-meme-generator-watch-movie-with-parents-sex-scene-comes-on-42349d.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.qkme.me/1s61.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://trekweb.com/images/stories/4d84b907bbeeb-1.jpg)
