|
On August 14 2011 04:14 Arathore wrote:
I was driving to see some relatives up in Utah (I live in SoCal). So I stop for gas at this one place and its rather cold outside. I walk inside to use the bathroom and buy a bag of sunflower seeds. So I buy the bag and have like 70 cents or so in change. I walk back out to the car and i see this older black guy standing there with a paper coffee cup like you would get at Stabucks or something stretched out. So i walk by and place my change in this cup. Then i hear *plop plop plop*. Dropped my changed right into this poor guys coffee.
Wowwww bro, I hope you apologized ROFL
|
Once, while going down on a girl, I discovered in a very unpleasant way that she wipes in a downwards direction.
|
On August 14 2011 12:27 Ixirawr wrote:
Once, while going down on a girl, I discovered in a very unpleasant way that she wipes in a downwards direction.
it happens
|
On August 14 2011 12:27 Ixirawr wrote:
Once, while going down on a girl, I discovered in a very unpleasant way that she wipes in a downwards direction.
wth dude that's jut gross
this thread is for EMBARASSING stories
|
So today I headed to Ras Al Kaihmah. I needed to go to the boarder to visit the immigration office.
After driving in the desert a couple hours I get to a tiny breeze block, worn down shanty town, with all sorts of cattle roaming the streets.
I make my way to the boarder, leave, comeback and do what I need to do in the actually fancy modern office.
I step outside, and there is rocks and sand as far as the eye can see. I truly am in the middle of no where. As I head back to the car, a bloody goat head butts me in the back of the legs!
I turn and there are 3 goats staring at me, and the first one goes for me again.
Well, I ain't taking this from a goat, so shout at it, and it begins trotting away. So I give chase to this goat that through his goaty face seemed to be smirking at me.
I quickly get the goat and try to slap it, to teach it a lesson.
As I am nearing the goat and raising my hand. I hear a lot of shouting in Arabic. I turn around again, and from the immigration office, 6 Arab men, two with batons, all in official looking uniforms step out, shouting at me, and start jogging toward me.
They continue the shouting, and grab me, and march me back to the office.
I found myself in front of the head of immigration explaining why I slapped his families goats.....
|
This just goes to show that you should be staring at goats, not slapping them.
|
On August 15 2011 03:54 zipz0p wrote:
This just goes to show that you should be staring at goats, not slapping them.
That movie is sooooo good.
(With the exception of the very last scene of course)
|
few years ago i had a STD and went to the urology clinic. there were mostly old people in the waiting room. so it was my turn, the doc's assistant was a middle-aged woman. so he was just grabbing my penis with my pants down, she was leaning close to me. the doc's office had a small anteroom with a 2nd door so noone was supposed to see inside but the door was open. then just as the assistant was grabbing on me an old man opens the door, and pretty much everyone outside stares at me.
an other one: me and a few friends were having drinks outside, at a square. we got pretty drunk and 2 of us went to some bushes to pee (it's illegal to urinate on the street of course). i was in a pretty silly mood and started to chase my friend around yelling I'M GONNA PEE ON YOU, with my pants down. then it got a bit suspicious that everyone's silent, looked at my other friends who were sitting on some benches, they were laughing their asses off. i turn around, 2 policewomen were looking at me with hands crossed, head shaking. one of them asked "you do it like this at home too?" then "wash your hands. right now." there was a fountain there. and i washed my hands for like 10 minutes until they left.
|
I have a story, that doesn't involve me banging an asian chick haha.
There is a shop near my house that delivers ANYTHING at anytime of the day or night. Seriously....
It was fairly late at night, I had no drinks in the house, and fancied a coke. So I call the shop and have them deliver one for me.
Now, you know those times when all of a sudden you just need a massive shit? Well right after the phone call, I experienced one of those times, I just had to go.
While doing my business the door bell rings. I was the only one in the house, so no one could answer.
I just decided to let it ring out, and I will call the shop back. But they guy wouldn't quit, he kept ringing and ringing...
I try to shout 'wait a moment' but I am not sure if he couldn't hear me, or didn't know what I was saying (We have a huge language problem)
Then, I hear the front door open....he just walked in.
'Hello, Mr FJ sir, where are you?'
OH SHIT!
Since no one is home, I just left the bathroom door open, and it is too far from the seat to close. I couldn't get up, I was right in the middle of a massive shit.
'Sir, where are you?'
I shouted 'Errr, I am just through here. Wait a moment'
He doesn't understand...he walks towards my voice...me...in the bathroom taking a shit...
I did the only thing the comes to mind. I quickly remove my pants, and try to throw it at the door to close it.....I miss...
'Hello sir, I have you deliverings...'
FUCK
He is coming, he is right near the door.
I remove my shirt, now leaving myself naked, and give it a hurl at the door...success, it hits, and the door swings shut....but not before he STEPS into the room!!!
So I am sat there, in the middle of a massive, everlasting shit, and I now have an Indian man, staring right at my balls.....shit
And you know what? He doesn't even act phased...He just fucking looks at me, like there is nothing out of the ordinary in this situation and says 'Hello sir, I have your delivering. 1 DHM please....'
I shout for him to get out...he just stands there looking, he barely speaks english, and he obviously sees nothing wrong about this.
He just repeats...1 DHM sir.
What else can I do?
I say 'Her...er...there is some change in my pants. On the floor, by your feet'
So he roots through my pants, digs out the money, leaves the coke of the floor and just leaves.
I wish I could say that that was the most embarrassing situation of my life....Doesn't even score my top 10....
|
Flew into Spain once for vacation. Don't know if it was the flight or the food or what, but right when we're landing I realize I am in desperate need of a poo. I know I'm not even supposed to be unbuckling, forget sprinting to the back of the plane. This is my first flight, I'm 15, I'm too embarrassed to try to explain to a flight attendant what's going on. So I sit there.
We land. We taxi to the terminal. Everyone does the awkward grab-your-bags-and-penguin-shuffle-to-the-front-of-the-plane--and I'm sitting there, my bowels screaming, begging for release. Every time I think I'm about to shit--every time I think there's no way I can hold it any longer--I find another plateau of the most primal kind of pain.
But finally FINALLY I make it into to the terminal. I'm afraid that running will only jiggle everything out into the open so I highspeed-duckwalk to the nearest bathroom. Opening the door, expecting the blessed release of a toilet, I'm met only with urinal after urinal lining the entire wall. Surely there's a stall somewhere in here, maybe around the corner? But no. Nowhere in this entire public bathroom was there a toilet to be found.
At this point there really wasn't much of a choice. I dropped through and spewed forth liquid-brown shit junks all across that fucking urinal, praying to whatever God there is in Spain that no one walked in on me.
Is this some crazy European custom? Is shitting in public bathrooms not allowed in Spain? Did I just find the single bathroom in the world only equipped for pissing? Hell if I know. But it was traumatic, humiliating, and horrifying.
|
Just read all of FJ's stories, truly amazing :D
|
On August 15 2011 20:44 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
Flew into Spain once for vacation. Don't know if it was the flight or the food or what, but right when we're landing I realize I am in desperate need of a poo. I know I'm not even supposed to be unbuckling, forget sprinting to the back of the plane. This is my first flight, I'm 15, I'm too embarrassed to try to explain to a flight attendant what's going on. So I sit there.
We land. We taxi to the terminal. Everyone does the awkward grab-your-bags-and-penguin-shuffle-to-the-front-of-the-plane--and I'm sitting there, my bowels screaming, begging for release. Every time I think I'm about to shit--every time I think there's no way I can hold it any longer--I find another plateau of the most primal kind of pain.
But finally FINALLY I make it into to the terminal. I'm afraid that running will only jiggle everything out into the open so I highspeed-duckwalk to the nearest bathroom. Opening the door, expecting the blessed release of a toilet, I'm met only with urinal after urinal lining the entire wall. Surely there's a stall somewhere in here, maybe around the corner? But no. Nowhere in this entire public bathroom was there a toilet to be found.
At this point there really wasn't much of a choice. I dropped through and spewed forth liquid-brown shit junks all across that fucking urinal, praying to whatever God there is in Spain that no one walked in on me.
Is this some crazy European custom? Is shitting in public bathrooms not allowed in Spain? Did I just find the single bathroom in the world only equipped for pissing? Hell if I know. But it was traumatic, humiliating, and horrifying.
Holy crap hahaha.
I've never known a toilet with urinals only!
Here in dubai, in some of the public toilets, they are just porcelain holes in the floor, and you squat over them....disgusting.
Because some guys are used to using them, when they come to a normal toilet, they stand on the seat, and squat over it. So sometimes, you go to a public toilet, and there is shoe marks all over the seat, sometimes, there is even worse marks around the seat....
|
Shit marks. Do you mean shit marks?
|
haha, no, I mean show marks!!!
The Indian labor guys, when they go to the toilet, stand on the seat and squat over the hole. So you get dirty shoe marks all over the seat sometimes.
Let's just say that sometimes, they are not the best of aim, so once in a while, you get some shit marks down the back of the toilet, where the mechanism is housed.
But mostly, the public toilets in the malls and things are AMAZINGLY clean!. There is always 2 guys in there at all times cleaning them. But if you happen to use a not so fancy mall, or use it right after and indian guy, you will find shoe marks and sometimes shirt marks all around the seat.
ERGH!
|
FJ you should stay away from Filipino women LOL.
Ill add my most embarrasing story when i have a 3am drunken browse after a night out, be easier to admit to then, heres a less bad one:
When i was younger, about 16, i was seeing this girl who i used to piss off by stealthily unhooking her bra strap at awkward moments.
So i was supposed to be meeting the missus in a bar (i had fake ID) but i turned up quite late. I knew i was already in trouble as i walked in and saw her talking to some people i was pretty sure she didnt know, so she must have been really bored from waiting. Already being in trouble i thought "fuck it i might as well go all out" snuck up behind her and undid her bra strap.
The girl screams and turns round. Its not my girlfriend. Its some random 20 odd year old woman. And the 3 beefy guys she was with were her boyfriend and 2 of his mates.
So i had to explain myself and buy them a round of drinks to save my ass from a proper good kicking, all with the majority of the people in the bar watching because the girl had screamed when i snuck up on her.
To top it off my GF didnt turn up for another 10 mins, so i had to sit alone in a bar with the majority of the people talking about how much of a twat i was.
|
On August 15 2011 21:58 Blacktion wrote:
FJ you should stay away from Filipino women LOL.
Ill add my most embarrasing story when i have a 3am drunken browse after a night out, be easier to admit to then, heres a less bad one:
When i was younger, about 16, i was seeing this girl who i used to piss off by stealthily unhooking her bra strap at awkward moments.
So i was supposed to be meeting the missus in a bar (i had fake ID) but i turned up quite late. I knew i was already in trouble as i walked in and saw her talking to some people i was pretty sure she didnt know, so she must have been really bored from waiting. Already being in trouble i thought "fuck it i might as well go all out" snuck up behind her and undid her bra strap.
The girl screams and turns round. Its not my girlfriend. Its some random 20 odd year old woman. And the 3 beefy guys she was with were her boyfriend and 2 of his mates.
So i had to explain myself and buy them a round of drinks to save my ass from a proper good kicking, all with the majority of the people in the bar watching because the girl had screamed when i snuck up on her.
To top it off my GF didnt turn up for another 10 mins, so i had to sit alone in a bar with the majority of the people talking about how much of a twat i was.
Did you undo her strap when she showed up?
If so, did anyone else at the bar react?
|
On August 15 2011 21:58 Blacktion wrote:
FJ you should stay away from Filipino women LOL.
Ill add my most embarrasing story when i have a 3am drunken browse after a night out, be easier to admit to then, heres a less bad one:
When i was younger, about 16, i was seeing this girl who i used to piss off by stealthily unhooking her bra strap at awkward moments.
So i was supposed to be meeting the missus in a bar (i had fake ID) but i turned up quite late. I knew i was already in trouble as i walked in and saw her talking to some people i was pretty sure she didnt know, so she must have been really bored from waiting. Already being in trouble i thought "fuck it i might as well go all out" snuck up behind her and undid her bra strap.
The girl screams and turns round. Its not my girlfriend. Its some random 20 odd year old woman. And the 3 beefy guys she was with were her boyfriend and 2 of his mates.
So i had to explain myself and buy them a round of drinks to save my ass from a proper good kicking, all with the majority of the people in the bar watching because the girl had screamed when i snuck up on her.
To top it off my GF didnt turn up for another 10 mins, so i had to sit alone in a bar with the majority of the people talking about how much of a twat i was.
Good advice, but I have yellow plague, I can't haha.
hahaha, your story is great, I can only imagine what they thought of you.
|
For those who enjoyed my exploits, I made a tumblr: found here!
There is about 15 tales on there, a couple repeats, but most original, never before told amazing stories of Dubai. 
If I get some interest in it, like some followers and some likes, then I will keep it regularly updated.
|
i expected the cute girl to be a cute boy...as is known to happen in filipines and thailand:D
|
I was 5 or 6, learning how ride a bicycle for a 2nd day, and went for my parent's walk/ my ride in the public park... Somehow I ended up going to fast behind 2 walking women, I think the fear of hitting got the best of me that I forgot what to do on the bike and I ended up just railing them... little do I need to say that I was embarrassed >..<
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
