EPTGirl Help !! - Page 5
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FFGenerations
7088 Posts
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Cr4zyH0r5e
Peru1308 Posts
Do you posess any interesting qualities or abilities? Does she know about it? What do you do if she ignores you? Do you chase her around like a dog or ignore her as punishment? Do you REALLY think she's 'different' from every other girl? First of all, it doesn't seem like you value youself enough, so why should she? How do I know? You mentioned your heart beating towards the end of your blog. That isn't because of how you say you feel about her, but because you're scared to act. At this point I wouldn't even bother man. But just for the hell of it ask her if she wants to kiss you. Just bring it up casually in conversation. If she says: maybe - then kiss her. If she says: no - say: 'I didn't say you could' BTW: Sexual tension isn't in your head. It comes from your interaction with a person of the other sex and if you're feeling it, they're most likely feeling it too. It's your hormones acting up, not your imagination. Just go meet new people and don't wait 3-4 years to do something next time. | ||
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Haemonculus
United States6980 Posts
Make a move *now* or never. Guys friend-zone themselves, it's self inflicted. Either make a move now and possibly secure a romantic involvement, or don't ever, and enjoy your friendship. Just, whatever you do don't wait another 3 months and bust out the super awkward "uhhhhh i've been attracted to you since we met" crap. | ||
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eVolvE342
157 Posts
i don't see how people can be so dismissive of the situation. yes sometimes people (maybe even a majority of the time) who are friends with a girl remain friends and never break through but that's not to say it is impossible. I don't see why you would come here to bash the guy and tell him to give up. He seems pretty committed to at least trying to make it work out and that's a great start. Yeah, it might not work out but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. ffgenerations is asking how to move physically closer to a girl in a way that doesn't come off as creepy. This seems like a reasonable request regardless of the situation. Anyone who has said they have never wondered these things to themselves and that it is "a creepy rapist mentality" is either lying or is too big of a d bag to be conscious of it. There is nothing wrong with planning ahead of time how to handle a situation you are uncomfortable with. -for me that question is kind of hard to answer, and relies a lot with the girl and the specific situation. you don't have to be standing or sitting ultra close to a girl to casually make a move. rather you shouldn't be creepily close to her if you aren't ready to make a move. its hard for me to picture a smoke session (unless its weed) turning into something more romantic, but maybe thats because i'm not a cig smoker. something about moving in close while trying to simultaneously avoid cig smoke being blown in your face seems strange  . As far as the couch situation goes, you can find ways to close the gap between you two preemptively. the obvious answer would be to sit on a smaller couch/chair. If that's not possible then try to be the first one to sit down and sit on your half of the couch, but barely on your half so your basically sitting in the middle of the couch before she sits down. there are so many cliche ways to slowly make a move closer to a girl, but unless she has been really putting off vibes that shes super interested (which doesn't seem to be the case) i would advise against them. As I was saying before girls like directed attention that pertains to only them. Try to think of a creative thing to say or do that is original and pertains to something between you two. Obviously that's not an easy thing to do but if you think about it I am sure you can come up with something. Remember to be cool and collected. I do have to say to say though that you can plan for years how to approach your girl but in the end you just have to go for it, and it will never go exactly as planned so just go with the flow and you'll be fine. You know her the best so only you can really hash out the specifics on how exactly to approach her. Despite what people may seem to think they know in this thread every girl is a bit different and if you focus on what makes her different and not generic advice your chances will greatly improve. | ||
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bonifaceviii
Canada2890 Posts
On July 30 2011 11:04 FFGenerations wrote: i dont cuddle with her, the thing i face is never seeming to have an opportunity to do anything physical (and maybe thats only because im a newb). my real question is how do you set up or do something physical? it always seems like we're positioned wrongly and if i move myself then it would be over-bearingly obvious. for example, sitting or standing very close to her feels very unnatural when you're smoking on a huuuuge balcony or sitting on a huuuuge couch where theres plenty of room for 6 people let alone being snug for 2. so im looking for ways to get our bodies closer but in a natural way. this is what i mean by "escalation". none of this generalised stuff about friend zone or bring home other women really applies to me. all i need to fuckin do is get close and sensual and itll work itself out already. idk come on someone must know what do to lets say you're smoking on a big balcony leaning over the wall with a girl, and you wanna get closer to her physically. what would you do to make a joke out of it so it doesnt seem like you're just randomly about to rape her? Bust out the REO Speedwagon. | ||
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SockMonkey
United Kingdom88 Posts
Take the plunge and only 1 of 2 things can happen: (don't kiss her just lace fingers and do it tight don't have it loosy)(loosy is for couples who are comfortable with things) A) It goes good. She holds hands with you and things stick you guys will actively work out a relationship together. (if she doesn't bring it up the hand holding/stuff eventually, you then bring it up in a very polite manner)(in a manner which she'll feel like a total bitch if she tries avoiding you) (then you can settle things)(ps when doing it this fake as much confidence as possible but don't say something obnoxious like "I know you like me" just be firm and confident in everything you do if not she'll dodge and you'll restart the whole process of shitstorms) B) It goes bad. She pulls away and she's shocked. Or she held hands and she said she just didn't want to hurt you at that time. This leads to 2 different routes: i) you can try to psycho her into thinking by her being so comfortable with you cuddling and all that you guys are right for each other and she just hasn't noticed it yet(if she's stubborn or sees through this ploy: you're fucked) (if she doesn't and you win her over: I owe you a beer for your jedi mind trick secrets) ii)if all of the above fails you explain to her that her cuddling and being so close and all is just too confusing and you need your sanity back to figure out and get over her. TELL HER where she confuses you. Don't pussy out. If you pussy out of telling her where your confusion is, YOU WILL LOSE this friendship. By the sounds of it you're pretty much nuts over her and can't bear to lose her. So remember this step man. The great thing about explaining it to her where it's all confusing....is that at least no one else will ever be screwed over by her again and you get to keep her as a friend. Less cuddly friend but hey at least you'll have your peace of mind and closure. What's the last step? Meet someone. Or meet people at least. Explore your options with other women. The analogy of many fish in the sea is true after all. Sure it's like me saying "hey man there's salmon, monkfish, bass, trout, shark, crab, lobster but at the moment you're just craving that tuna" The thing is salmon is a pretty frickin awesome fish =D and mate I know you'll still be hung up when all of this has come to an end. You'll wish that you were still cuddling with her. But 1 month down the line when you're single and meeting new people and you've just moved on....It'll feel great and you'll wonder why you stuck around for so long. I'm not saying it'll be easy to take that first step. But once you cure yourself of your addiction to her...You'll feel clean and made anew. And that's pretty dang awesome. So awesome you'll go and get yourself some salmon. Source: I was my best friend's cuddle bitch for 2 1/2 years and then I turned her world inside out when I walked away getting my closure. Felt SOOO GOOD. I got a girlfriend 2-3 months down the line then who's even more awesome than my best friend. Doesn't change the fact she's still one of my nearest and dearest because I made sure we did it right the whole way. She's actually from a whole other country that's pretty dang expensive to fly to...but because I did it right we've kept it tight so well she's flying here to visit me in about 2-3 weeks time. | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On July 30 2011 20:39 Haemonculus wrote: I'm going to give the same advice I do in almost every girl blog. Make a move *now* or never. Guys friend-zone themselves, it's self inflicted. Either make a move now and possibly secure a romantic involvement, or don't ever, and enjoy your friendship. Just, whatever you do don't wait another 3 months and bust out the super awkward "uhhhhh i've been attracted to you since we met" crap. OP say's he's been pursuing the girl for like years and he's already told her that he loves her so your advice isn't really relevant. Will keep in mind for the future. I don't think it's fair that guys can have a friendzone but girls can't though. OP your 20 days are almost over, I don't think you were considering establishing a lasting relationship on that. Did you get any advice on a suave physical approach though? | ||
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FFGenerations
7088 Posts
for instance she feels that people who dont speak their mind (even if they shout it and it causes an arguement) are weak and never solve problems. i had to explain that people that can be like this are like that because THEY think it is the better way to deal with relation problems by sucking it up and quietly compromising so as to avoid aggressive confrontational situations. so to actually be attractive i need to stop quietly (or as i see it cleverly) brooding about shit and trying to diffuse situations with silence or avoidance, and instead become more confrontational (confident and fearless) and meet any issues head on. this is something i believe in but from the way i was brought up by my family and grew up i tend to back down to conflict (or aggression as i might see it) and feel very strong negative emotions such as fear of consequences that make me avoid it. anyway i did reach for her hand at a random time just an hour ago and she let me play with it while she talked. it was about as far from romantic as you can get (as was the current topic of conversation) but it was still a barrier that ive been too afraid to go near and i dont know if i would have done it without this thread and reshuffling my thoughts (also the rare choice of seating on somewhere we've never sat before haha. damn why are seating arrangements so unromantic) 18 days left btw | ||
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FaZe
Canada472 Posts
As for physical logistics, none of that shit matters. You don't need to be suave, there's no "moves" you need to pull. The emotions and submodalities are the meat of what you're working with. If she likes you, she's going to go for it. If not, she won't. Your execution isn't going to make the difference. One time I tried to micro my arm around a girl and accidently smashed my hand into her face, she didn't give a shit. The submodality that I wanted her was infinitely more important. Just tell her, "Do you know otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't get seperated?" and grab her hand like you don't give a fuck. | ||
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SockMonkey
United Kingdom88 Posts
On July 31 2011 08:33 FFGenerations wrote: anyway i did reach for her hand at a random time just an hour ago and she let me play with it while she talked. it was about as far from romantic as you can get (as was the current topic of conversation) but it was still a barrier that ive been too afraid to go near and i dont know if i would have done it without this thread and reshuffling my thoughts (also the rare choice of seating on somewhere we've never sat before haha. damn why are seating arrangements so unromantic) 18 days left btw Then you probably have 2 more tries. If you grab her hand too often and without the barest good reason to it will come off as random. I could hold my sister's my mom's my grandma's my bajillion female friends but not the bros. anything but the bros that would go awkward. You need to grab that hand and lace fingers with it. not flipping play with it! you know what playing with a hand means? It means you're playing with it. You're not holding it. There's an electric emotional connection from the bit where your fingers are between her fingers. And if you play with it. NOTHING. So you just need to hold it. that's all lace fingers and hold. that's it. and hold it with emotion. If you're looking for a spark. Just take her somewhere you know the view will turn romantic or awesome and that's it. While staring. Grab that hand. Don't cross barriers cause they're there, cross barriers like you're trying to create hallmarks of history in your relationship. And if you do it during a unattractive or awkward moment. It'll just look like you're seeking comfort and she'll think you're only seeking comfort. | ||
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FFGenerations
7088 Posts
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
Get a girl to like you by impressing/charming her. If you are so lost that you're worrying about how to hold her hand, she's way out of your league. Move on. You act like the moment she says yes to dating or some shit it will be some type of happily ever after crap. It won't. If you're having this much trouble just getting a freaking date, the actual relationship is going to be a disaster. GL getting her to do your laundry or cook you dinner. | ||
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Archas
United States6531 Posts
On July 31 2011 23:35 StorkHwaiting wrote: I'm sorry but this thread has just become super creepy. I think I'm going to show it to some of my girlfriends just to see the expressions on their faces. Do you guys have any idea how fucking weird it is to be sitting here talking about the nuances of how to hold a girl's hand? Jesus christ. I have never in my life sat around thinking about something as inane as that. Get a girl to like you by impressing/charming her. If you are so lost that you're worrying about how to hold her hand, she's way out of your league. Move on. You act like the moment she says yes to dating or some shit it will be some type of happily ever after crap. It won't. If you're having this much trouble just getting a freaking date, the actual relationship is going to be a disaster. GL getting her to do your laundry or cook you dinner. I can't say I agree with the tone you've spoken in, but your sentiment is basically correct, especially the bolded part. This is good advice. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On July 31 2011 23:40 Aeres wrote: I can't say I agree with the tone you've spoken in, but your sentiment is basically correct, especially the bolded part. This is good advice. Sorry. I shouldn't have been so harsh. I'm just appalled. I've never encountered anything as weird as this whole electric bits between the fingers and playing with a girl's hand to try to get intimate with her. Maybe small things like footsie, but it should be an instinctual/sensorial thing not some calculated technique. | ||
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Thrill
2599 Posts
On July 31 2011 23:35 StorkHwaiting wrote: the actual relationship is going to be a disaster. GL getting her to do your laundry or cook you dinner. 'Cause any relationship where the woman doesn't do laundry and cook is a disaster eh?  Anyways, to OP - you have over two weeks to make her look at you differently. Someone said 'don't give her the "i've been attracted to you since we first met" crap' and that's very true. Your ONLY hope is to say something along the lines of 'recently i've started seeing you in a different way' and have her reply 'hey, me too - you've changed somehow'. In order to achieve this, you have to actually change in her eyes though. Do you think the guy who broods over some random dude who danced with her a couple of times at a club and ponders the impact of holding her hand is going to be this new you she sees? No. You have to change from a thinker to a doer in her eyes and you'll have ample opportunity to do so. Important - this shouldn't be stuff you do to her, it should be stuff you do with her (actually she just has to be close enough to observe). Take control. 1. Of social situations - if you're at a table with friends, you should be the focal point of attention, with interesting stories, witty replies and just a general air of confidence. If her friends think you're cool, likely she'll warm to you as well. Be careful not to come off as some attention-craving douche or drunk overpowering asshole though - "owning the table" is a must-have skill. 2. Of yourself. Whatever you do should not be an attempt to 'seem cool', it should simply be you doing what you do. Even playing starcraft is cool if you do it with confidence and passion. This is where a grand gesture usually comes in. You have to do something that shows passion. After all these years you should know what she cares about. Something simple, animals perhaps? An example of a gesture would be to steal (yes, steal - shoplift) an expensive fur coat, dig a hole for it and hold a burial, free some lobsters from a restaurant tank - something risktaking enough to impress. 3. Of your environment. What's this crap about romantic situations? Create them! Break into an abandoned old building (urban exploration) and hide a pic-nic basket with some beers somewhere. Take her there on a star-lit night and say you have something cool to show her, sit on the roof and enjoy the night (DON'T go for any romantic approach here unless it's 100% obvious she wants it, she's supposed to see that you do this stuff for your own sake, not as part of some year-old plan to 'get her'). Have a good time in this foreign country, be very extrovert and confident and worst case scenario you'll have enjoyed your stay there, best case scenario she'll be curious about this new, changed you. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On August 01 2011 02:27 Thrill wrote: 'Cause any relationship where the woman doesn't do laundry and cook is a disaster eh? Anyways, to OP - you have over two weeks to make her look at you differently. Someone said 'don't give her the "i've been attracted to you since we first met" crap' and that's very true. Your ONLY hope is to say something along the lines of 'recently i've started seeing you in a different way' and have her reply 'hey, me too - you've changed somehow'. In order to achieve this, you have to actually change in her eyes though. Do you think the guy who broods over some random dude who danced with her a couple of times at a club and ponders the impact of holding her hand is going to be this new you she sees? No. You have to change from a thinker to a doer in her eyes and you'll have ample opportunity to do so. Important - this shouldn't be stuff you do to her, it should be stuff you do with her (actually she just has to be close enough to observe). Take control. 1. Of social situations - if you're at a table with friends, you should be the focal point of attention, with interesting stories, witty replies and just a general air of confidence. If her friends think you're cool, likely she'll warm to you as well. Be careful not to come off as some attention-craving douche or drunk overpowering asshole though - "owning the table" is a must-have skill. 2. Of yourself. Whatever you do should not be an attempt to 'seem cool', it should simply be you doing what you do. Even playing starcraft is cool if you do it with confidence and passion. This is where a grand gesture usually comes in. You have to do something that shows passion. After all these years you should know what she cares about. Something simple, animals perhaps? An example of a gesture would be to steal (yes, steal - shoplift) an expensive fur coat, dig a hole for it and hold a burial, free some lobsters from a restaurant tank - something risktaking enough to impress. 3. Of your environment. What's this crap about romantic situations? Create them! Break into an abandoned old building (urban exploration) and hide a pic-nic basket with some beers somewhere. Take her there on a star-lit night and say you have something cool to show her, sit on the roof and enjoy the night (DON'T go for any romantic approach here unless it's 100% obvious she wants it, she's supposed to see that you do this stuff for your own sake, not as part of some year-old plan to 'get her'). Have a good time in this foreign country, be very extrovert and confident and worst case scenario you'll have enjoyed your stay there, best case scenario she'll be curious about this new, changed you. Any relationship in which you can't envision your gf doing things to please you for the sake of pleasing you is a disaster, yes. Then again, the fact you're giving him advice on how best to bend over backwards says a lot about your philosophy towards dating. | ||
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Thrill
2599 Posts
On August 01 2011 03:10 StorkHwaiting wrote: Any relationship in which you can't envision your gf doing things to please you for the sake of pleasing you is a disaster, yes. Then again, the fact you're giving him advice on how best to bend over backwards says a lot about your philosophy towards dating. Not an attitude towards dating, an attitude towards life. Bending over backwards is the best way to have a fun trip/weekend/whatever. If you want to live a comfortable life - that's fine, but best not start 'til we're past the age of 40, ok? ^__^ For the record i know what you meant; that she does some occasional cleaning and cooking doesn't rule out him doing it as well and the scenario you're afraid of is that he'll end up doing everything just to please her. It's just a poor choice of words though, you'll have to admit. For so long that has been considered 'a woman's job' and any man who does housework is 'whipped'. Should have went with something like 'if you want her to drive you somewhere' or something instead | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On August 01 2011 03:20 Thrill wrote: Not an attitude towards dating, an attitude towards life. Bending over backwards is the best way to have a fun trip/weekend/whatever. If you want to live a comfortable life - that's fine, but best not start 'til we're past the age of 40, ok? ^__^ For the record i know what you meant; that she does some occasional cleaning and cooking doesn't rule out him doing it as well and the scenario you're afraid of is that he'll end up doing everything just to please her. It's just a poor choice of words though, you'll have to admit. For so long that has been considered 'a woman's job' and any man who does housework is 'whipped'. Should have went with something like 'if you want her to drive you somewhere' or something instead I don't think it was a poor choice of words. My room is kind of dirty and I'm hungry so I'd rather have help with that rather than get commuted somewhere :D. I'm not going to bend over backwards and pretend I'd rather a girl chaffeur me for the sake of pleasing some retarded propagandist feminist movement that makes no sense. Especially seeing how the culinary world has long been dominated by men, the vacuum cleaner was invented by a man, and the dishwasher was invented by a man. Then again, I guess it's such a horrible thing to ever remind people that women were cooking and cleaning while men were toiling in coal mines and factories or fighting on the front lines. But let's not make this into a debate over feminism. | ||
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SockMonkey
United Kingdom88 Posts
I meant it as a wakeup call to the OP really. And I fully admit to the exaggeration to the point of having it creepy. But I hope you don't pepper spray us. I've always been a creeper but I do mean my point though. Playing with her hand will get him nowhere. I'm not saying that it'll get him intimate with her. But it sure prods the ball down the slope if he does that. Sure there are other ways but I think the OP is worried on what lines to open with and lacing fingers on it's own is a powerful opening BO because of the message it delivers. The subtle bits of body language can get a person pretty far in life imo. I won't speak for everyone but I know it helps me. But that being said if every girl could be won over with charm and impressing her we'd be living in an ideal world. And you, me and the OP don't. That's why he's been there for so long. I feel his pain of just being stuck there and I think for every guy that's been stuck there, they deserve better. Maybe not a relationship, no one is owed a relationship, they earn it and if the OP has earned it I'll pour him a beer cause it's time to celebrate. But everyone at least deserves a clear understanding of what's happening in their lives. And it sounded to some of us he needed a trigger to pull in her head to get that gun of understanding in her head to fire him the bullets. So I'm just giving him my idea on what handgrip to use to pull that trigger. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On August 01 2011 03:42 SockMonkey wrote: @StorkHwaiting: You are intense! D= don't hurt me! D= I meant it as a wakeup call to the OP really. And I fully admit to the exaggeration to the point of having it creepy. But I hope you don't pepper spray us. I've always been a creeper but I do mean my point though. Playing with her hand will get him nowhere. I'm not saying that it'll get him intimate with her. But it sure prods the ball down the slope if he does that. Sure there are other ways but I think the OP is worried on what lines to open with and lacing fingers on it's own is a powerful opening BO because of the message it delivers. The subtle bits of body language can get a person pretty far in life imo. I won't speak for everyone but I know it helps me. But that being said if every girl could be won over with charm and impressing her we'd be living in an ideal world. And you, me and the OP don't. That's why he's been there for so long. I feel his pain of just being stuck there and I think for every guy that's been stuck there, they deserve better. Maybe not a relationship, no one is owed a relationship, they earn it and if the OP has earned it I'll pour him a beer cause it's time to celebrate. But everyone at least deserves a clear understanding of what's happening in their lives. And it sounded to some of us he needed a trigger to pull in her head to get that gun of understanding in her head to fire him the bullets. So I'm just giving him my idea on what handgrip to use to pull that trigger. That makes sense and is fair to say. I guess I'm just in the opposite camp of trying to convince the OP to move on. And sorry again for being harsh. I should be more openminded. Really did just sort of astound me that people would think so analytically about something that seems instinctual. | ||
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