pm to ilovekittens but i thought i might get away with posting it here
need urgent girl help
we've been "best friends" for 3-4 years, that is spending more time with each other than anyone else, a long and standard "unrequited love" relationship that has more recently been very "clean" (for 6-12 months). what i mean by this, of course, is i havent made any major fuck-ups in this time such as saying "i love you" and pissing her off.
i am staying at her apartment in another country atm for another 20 days after being here 5. we have had a good time except tonight another guy involved himself and i am/was left feeling very confused and weak.
she seems to be an extremely traditional woman in her actions and i am about to list my problems.
i have little to no idea how to "escalate" or whatever the phrase is. the closest ive come is stroking her hair, after deliberating like crazy and mustering up the courage to reach for her. this is in situations like a bus journey where i sit behind, or lying on the beach.
however situations like this are rare and i find myself wanting to sit close to her or try to hold her hand but the Fear grips me and i feel so terribly strongly that "now is not the perfect moment to do it and hence i will be rejected".
like today we were watching a movie, she lies pointedly away from me but with her head within reach. i deliberated constantly and decided it was an inappropriate time.
and later today we were walking down the street together and i had a burning desire to try to hold her hand, but again the Fear struck and i decided it was an inappropriate moment and with my presumed? knowledge/experience of her that she would reject it. instead i waited, waited, waited for a sign from her (eg she stumbles) but nothing came.
i cant fucking figure it out. one moment she is clawing my arm as she laughs (she laughs a LOT with me - but when has this ever been a sign of attraction?) , and the next moment she is shifting away from me on the chair.
so my first major question is this shitty fucking thing that probably only i can answer by pushing the boundaries in a dangerous fashion rather than waiting waiting waiting for a sign or for the "perfect moment".
this evening we went to a club and met some friends of her friend, one of which was a very ... "active" and confident guy. i asked her to dance at the start of the evening and she said no i dont feel like it. then she "reluctantly" danced with this new guy three fucking times , whilst saying stuff like "man ive had enough of this guy i want to leave soon" inbetween.
as we left the club the guy kinda used his arm to sweep her forwards, past me, and i was left standing behind them for a minute feeling like a complete tool (even tho they werent talking or touching or anything).
Note here that altho i was jealous etc i dont give a shit coz i can deal with that kinda emotional shit. but what i am feeling more than anything is how fucking weak and powerless i am compared to that guy who - because hes a "one time stranger" (and im a long term friend) - could get away with that shit with it seeming "normal" , whereas if i were to do it itd seem abnormal and potentially concerning.....
i am struggling like a motherfucking idiot trying to find a way to escalate with this girl who shows me no sexual signals except for sometimes bringing up sexual topics (like "do men turn around to stare at a womens ass when she passes by" or laughing a lot like a crazy thing or singing gayly constantly or tapping or pulling my arm quite frequently throughout a day.
i honestly feel one moment like she digs me but other times i feel like im just a dog sniffing around her toes. i just dont know what physical thing to do and when i do think of something i just feel like she will brush it aside with some respectful but firm deciciveness.
when you have someone almost falling into you with a cheeky cackle of pleasure but you are "just friends", how do you fucking take that bubbling expression of warmth and make something out of it?
i know you're going to say a few things..
try harder, try more often. dont fucking ASK her about it, just try some more shit and stop saying stupid dumb shit that she doesnt like to spoil the mood. but to this i ask "what do i DO?". do i pull her toward me? do i put an arm around her? do i wait until shes smiling then try to hold her hand?
if your judgement is correct then you have yet to reach that absolute breaking point or perfect moment. i keep saying to myself shit like "when she wants to she will make a move". i mean we get on sooo fuccking well sometimes i am sometimes shocked she hasnt made any sort of move ever. of course, the sexual tension i feel is all in MY head, but as i said she is a very "traditional" woman who seems to respond to advances but never ever makes the move herself...????
fuck idk. i just wanna say "come here" and then try to kiss her or even just do it randomly but i always feel like its the "wrong time". idk how to fucking escalate it please can you give me some sort of advice.
what i kinda figure is that escalation is gradual, but the step from "not holding hands" to "holding hands or kissing" seems like such a fucking leap up from "being tapped on the arm" or "stroking her hair"
This is a pretty classic case of friend-zoned. from my experience, the more you hesitate with a woman the less attracted she will be to you, and if you still hang around her when nothing develops you turn into a friend. Personally, every successful hookup I've had has had a very short, superficial "friends" stage (whether this be over a night or over a few days) and very quickly escalated into a more intimate relationship (ask her out on a date, or make out on the dance floor, etc etc). On the flip side, I've never been friends with a girl for an extended period of time and then gotten together with her, nor do I know of many of my friends where this happened.
It sounds like there's a long history of her rejecting you. If this is the case a simple affectionate gesture isn't going to seal it with her.
I think the best advice I can give is to seek out some other girls.
On July 29 2011 10:02 krypti_c wrote: Kiss her. Thats your only option. And if she rejects you, just remember there are lots of fish in the sea.
This is not (insert movie title here) e.g. Source Code, that's most likely to shatter her image of you and your reputation, by overstepping what she's comfortable with. I'm writing something long so wait for it m8!
On July 29 2011 10:02 krypti_c wrote: Kiss her. Thats your only option.
haha i like this
yup overstepping what shes comfortable with is the big feeling i get. but it could just as well all be in my head. and even if its not all just in my head, maybe shell like it anyway
She knows you want to fuck her. She knows you are too pussy to do anything. She will have you around as her cure-for-loneliness real life teddy bear until she gets a real boyfriend or gets tired of you.
Tell her how you feel about her straight up and don't be a pussy and start stuttering and looking to the side. Make eye contact, speak firmly and clearly.
She will probably say "I don't like you in that way" or something else along those lines.
You will leave her and break off all contact with her and find another girl much better than her. Don't make her your only option because she's already gone, you just haven't been able to confront the truth.
I know it sucks but this is from one bro to another. We've all been there and it always sucks.
Where have I seen you before? Yes FF7 is the best, forever That's right, your sig is familiar.
Anyways, if you've got the relationship issues and want some advice, the best thing that happened to me, so you too, are these threads (FANA y u be banned>!!>>!?!?!) (belive it or not ILOVEKITTENS ain't the only)
Read 'em learn 'em, but your situation may be a bit special. Fuck ok fine I'll put my effort into this at 3AM instead of revamping my MBCGame Twitter OP....
Sounds like you want her to notice you sexually, that instead of just being her emotional support and friend in a more friend-zone sense, you want her to be actively attracted to you, that she wants to please you and make you happy (whatever that would require, dunno, but I don't think it's chocolates).
If you do some sort of big committal move, regardless of what it is, she's always got to make the call: "am I OK with this move?" It doesn't really matter what you do, it's her attitude and reaction. How do I say this...
Haha I feel so blazed right now even though I'm not. I don't know what your relationship/interactions are like, but if I were you, really, be playful (:p there's no way I CAN'T recommend that if I'm listening to THISSSSS [saw 'im live]). Ugh whatever, you can take my advice or leave it, I'll just say:
She knows you want to fuck her. She knows you are too pussy to do anything. She will have you around as her cure-for-loneliness real life teddy bear until she gets a real boyfriend or gets tired of you.
Tell her how you feel about her straight up and don't be a pussy and start stuttering and looking to the side. Make eye contact, speak firmly and clearly.
She will probably say "I don't like you in that way" or something else along those lines.
You will leave her and break off all contact with her and find another girl much better than her. Don't make her your only option because she's already gone, you just haven't been able to confront the truth.
I know it sucks but this is from one bro to another. We've all been there and it always sucks.
dude this is all in the past, done that been there gotten over it now back on the road with a bulldozer trying to figure out what gear to put it in this time so i can break down the fences without tearing up the lawn!
She knows you want to fuck her. She knows you are too pussy to do anything. She will have you around as her cure-for-loneliness real life teddy bear until she gets a real boyfriend or gets tired of you.
Tell her how you feel about her straight up and don't be a pussy and start stuttering and looking to the side. Make eye contact, speak firmly and clearly.
She will probably say "I don't like you in that way" or something else along those lines.
You will leave her and break off all contact with her and find another girl much better than her. Don't make her your only option because she's already gone, you just haven't been able to confront the truth.
I know it sucks but this is from one bro to another. We've all been there and it always sucks.
That is... that is so true man, now that i think about it, i was like wow yeah.
hahah bITt.mAN , ff7 forever. i feel a lot better now, my confidence and mood was so low but writing and reading some crazy shit has got me up again. i guess i just need to step it up for real
She knows you want to fuck her. She knows you are too pussy to do anything. She will have you around as her cure-for-loneliness real life teddy bear until she gets a real boyfriend or gets tired of you.
Tell her how you feel about her straight up and don't be a pussy and start stuttering and looking to the side. Make eye contact, speak firmly and clearly.
She will probably say "I don't like you in that way" or something else along those lines.
You will leave her and break off all contact with her and find another girl much better than her. Don't make her your only option because she's already gone, you just haven't been able to confront the truth.
I know it sucks but this is from one bro to another. We've all been there and it always sucks.
dude this is all in the past, done that been there gotten over it now back on the road with a bulldozer trying to figure out what gear to put it in this time so i can break down the fences without tearing up the lawn!
Please don't tell me that was with this same girl. Please.
Just go out and have fun. Drink beer with your guy friends and have them invite some girls. Bullshit around and laugh and take photos and put them on facebook for her to see. She will see that you actually have a life other than chasing her and being her toy. She will get jealous when you start surrounding yourself with other girls. Either you find another girl or she realizes she fucked up and wants you back. Probably the former but then who knows.
Just do not give her all of your time. She wants to do something? Say you have plans. It might be sitting at home watching idiots on youtube but how the fuck would she know. She wants to meet a guy that has a fun filled life and then wedge herself into that man's life.
Be that man.
Not the dude that watches chick flicks with her and brings her tea and cookies and listens to all her problems.
She knows you want to fuck her. She knows you are too pussy to do anything. She will have you around as her cure-for-loneliness real life teddy bear until she gets a real boyfriend or gets tired of you.
Tell her how you feel about her straight up and don't be a pussy and start stuttering and looking to the side. Make eye contact, speak firmly and clearly.
She will probably say "I don't like you in that way" or something else along those lines.
You will leave her and break off all contact with her and find another girl much better than her. Don't make her your only option because she's already gone, you just haven't been able to confront the truth.
I know it sucks but this is from one bro to another. We've all been there and it always sucks.
honestly i find one of the biggest misconceptions men have about women is that they know all that stuff, i've seen female friends totally not notice how some guys fancy the hell out of them and yet it be completely obvious to other people. some girls maybe not but on average women are just as dumb about the other sex as men are about them.
as for advice for you, i dunno how good my advice is but i would say that there is nothing you have described that sounds too much like shes into you. of course i have no real experience of what you're describing but talking about guys looking at girls arses and grabbing arms when laughing seems like standard friends behavior even between men and women. in my opinion big romantic gestures like just kissing her there and then don't work outside of films. what you've really gotta decide is whether you think there is enough of a chance that she likes you that its worth taking the risk that the confrontation will ruin the friendship, which it in all honesty it more than likely will if she doesn't like you.
sorry if my advice is depressing and i have to say i don't know how right i am but good luck and hope everything goes well
I'd be playful. If you're within range some time, just poke her on the upper-arm, justify with "I just felt like it". Then with a mandatory " :p " reaction, :p
You could talk about it in a joking relaxed way (as in not directly "I WANT YOU") e.g. "do you think I'm romantic/attractive ... :p " Bring up the idea of her being attracted to you, but without doing something all-in that's a slight chance of success versus permanent damage. You can't do anything, so you guys won't "do" anything, untill she accepts the notion of being attracted to you. A kiss or ~touch~ when she's not comfortable with liking you is a great way to stop being friends. The same thing when she's more accustomed can have a different reaction.
There's no guarantee that you'll 'get anything goin' but don't 4pool and hope to get lucky. You may have to accept the notion that something ~romantic~ won't go down between you, but I'd rather have a friend than someone who I creped out and it's all awkward with later.
Ok examples examples (I just watched both of Harry Potter 7, and since I've got no current targets in my entourage I'll try to empathize by imaging that you're +- with Emma Watson [not to be creepy, that's just on my mind. I'm no 16-yo-old idolater either]).
The "in da club" thing, if it's bothering you, raise the issue. [preferably get some alcohol in her before-hand, she'll have less inhibition to stop from saying what she really thinks, instead of lying about how she feels to "protect your feelings" and "not make you feel bad". Fuck that, you'd rather be straight-up]
Oh yes, <3 Tifa, Advent Children was actually what got me into FF in the first place. Watched that at a friend's house ---> FFVII Fo-Eva!
Back to business Really, take the mindset that pervades this song, and bring that careless attitude, determination and light-hearted fun into your interactions
HA! I'm just groovin and grinnin already. Know that you're the boss, make it so that she can't take your affirmation, support and praise (please no) for granted. If she asks you to do something small (can you throw this away for me please? oh could you take out the trash?) be like "do I look like your bitch? ... q: " . The point is that she doesn't take you for granted, and that effort is required from her side to please you, if she wants stuff from you. The most important thing though is that you're not stone-faced and serious, I've repeated the q: because it's so essential, that you're having fun instead of being serious -->awkward.
On July 29 2011 10:31 FFGenerations wrote: well like i said im living with her atm in another country for 20 days haha idk i just need to pull it together
Honestly dude, living with someone in a "best friend" situation is not a preliminary step to having a relationship. Thinking that it is, well that's just a little bit creepy. You need to realize that you're in the classic friend zone, and follow the advice that others are giving you.
It's a bad position to be in because most of them think that they are in the right ladder when they are not.
As for the future, the advice that I'll give is that girls are not attracted to guys who are hesitant. Be confident, take risks - you'll make mistakes but you'll be better off.
EPT
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