EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 949
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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quake
United States30 Posts
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Let me say I'm not as mad about getting rejected as I am about having my time and energy wasted. Don't sit there and play all nice and friendly and just pretend. Its really immature and annoying. As a person who its very difficult for me to do these things. You could at least give me enough respect to reject me right away. This the reason why girls act nice even when they shouldn't. It's honestly quite the overreaction from your part. I understand it doesn't really makes sense logically since you say you wouldn't get mad if she turned you down gently. However, what if you got mad because she could have made it more clear that she wasn't interested during the small talk. Some women do act nice out of self preservation. Furthermore, how can you see this as a waste of time and energy? You made an attempt to ask her out. You got out of your comfortzone. What if she responds in 5 hours. Then your whole rant that she should have been more polite was all for nothing. You have quite a deafist attitute at the moment. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On September 11 2017 19:35 SoSexy wrote: What the hell is wrong with some people reaction time? A girl I know is into me, I invited her to one of my concerts and it took her 2 days to reply. She came and we had chemistry - we made out, she sent me a photo of us that her friend took, etc... Still, having a two-sentences-conversation with her takes a week, she is basically a ghost on facebook, posting once every two months...I guess I'll ask for her whatsapp. Her brother said that she does not look at facebook often, but my nerd side has difficulties grasping the idea that a person in her twenties doesn't live on social media  how about your live on social media with your buddies And focus on the only thing that matters when it comes to building attraction - face to face contact? If you do things right eventually she will be the one always initiating and trying to get more in contact with you anyways | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On September 17 2017 14:22 quake wrote: Alright, I need to vent. This is probably going to be bit of a read just fyi. So, first of all Id like to say I'm pretty introverted. So, going out and talking to be people I don't know is a pretty rare thing. Especially women I'm attracted to. Anyways, me my friend and his girl friend went to the zoo today. As we were there, I saw this fine young women. She was with two other people. She looked at me and smiled. Didn't think much of it at the time. Fast forward a bit, we exit the place were we where. I told my friend and his gf I thought that chick was into me and they said I should just grow a pair and go back and say something. For the first time in very long time I actually did it. So, I went back saw her sitting by herself, sitting on a bench. Couldn't have possibly been a better opportunity. So, I go up to her ask her if I can sit down. She says yes. So, then I start talking to her, asking her small questions, in the mean while, shes staring into my eyes and playing with her hair. So at this point I'm convinced shes digging me. So after a little while of small talk, I ask her for her number and she gives it to me. You'd think its a win right? Maybe. Maybe not. Here is the catch 22. I later texted her a few hours later to see if she was free the next day. No response. Now maybe I'm just someone reading way to deep into things way to fast. However, I asked my friends gf. I said, if you were into a guy and he texted you, wouldn't you text back asap? She said, Yeah, probably and most other girls probably would too. Let me say I'm not as mad about getting rejected as I am about having my time and energy wasted. Don't sit there and play all nice and friendly and just pretend. Its really immature and annoying. As a person who its very difficult for me to do these things. You could at least give me enough respect to reject me right away. She dodged a bullet there I'd say It's not uncommon from both men and women that men treat women like whores , and many behave that way also (and their mothers etc. reinforce that) You're not entitled to her because you talked to her at all, you shouldn't treat it like wasted time either - if you genuinely liked here you'd enjoy the time spend on that bench anyways treat is as an experience and go on with your life . If she goes out with you great, if not so what? | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Would you rather go out with a guy that drops everything for a complete stranger he just met, gets agitated when you don't constantly reply and who seems lacks patience and you know, having a life. Or a guy that shows interest, but seems to be fine with you having time, or not, who will give you more time as he gets to know you and very likely has a rich busy life that you can be part of (not even speaking about the mystery you create if you are not always available and chasing that lets her fill in the gaps about you with here fantasy) This is why it's very common for women to instinctively wait with contact in the beginning and see if you're a patient guy with a great life, or a needy boring stalker. In all honesty with so many weirdos out there and the way the dating dynamics are I'd do exactly the same if I were an attractive woman. | ||
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SoSexy
Italy3725 Posts
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VHbb
692 Posts
It does not seem detached from reality at all.. | ||
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Dreamer.T
United States3584 Posts
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
Someone once wrote back to me "you still have a lot to learn about women". And I admittedly did not get her hints of being uninterested at all  Classifying your actions as a waste of time is problematic if you consider any interaction that fails to deliver you with the desired outcome as failed and not to be repeated. But this fails to grasp the concept of (incremental) improvement as wells as trial and error. Failing is extremely important to improvement. In almost every aspect of life, be it work be it relationships. Some faults can have grave consequences (i.e. driving a red light), others less (dying in dark souls). Failure is critical to assessing (one's own) boundaries and if you do not fail you are cushioning yourself in the status quo. If you're happy with that, go for it. If not, be prepared to fail. | ||
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killa_robot
Canada1884 Posts
On September 17 2017 14:22 quake wrote: Alright, I need to vent. This is probably going to be bit of a read just fyi. So, first of all Id like to say I'm pretty introverted. So, going out and talking to be people I don't know is a pretty rare thing. Especially women I'm attracted to. Anyways, me my friend and his girl friend went to the zoo today. As we were there, I saw this fine young women. She was with two other people. She looked at me and smiled. Didn't think much of it at the time. Fast forward a bit, we exit the place were we where. I told my friend and his gf I thought that chick was into me and they said I should just grow a pair and go back and say something. For the first time in very long time I actually did it. So, I went back saw her sitting by herself, sitting on a bench. Couldn't have possibly been a better opportunity. So, I go up to her ask her if I can sit down. She says yes. So, then I start talking to her, asking her small questions, in the mean while, shes staring into my eyes and playing with her hair. So at this point I'm convinced shes digging me. So after a little while of small talk, I ask her for her number and she gives it to me. You'd think its a win right? Maybe. Maybe not. Here is the catch 22. I later texted her a few hours later to see if she was free the next day. No response. Now maybe I'm just someone reading way to deep into things way to fast. However, I asked my friends gf. I said, if you were into a guy and he texted you, wouldn't you text back asap? She said, Yeah, probably and most other girls probably would too. Let me say I'm not as mad about getting rejected as I am about having my time and energy wasted. Don't sit there and play all nice and friendly and just pretend. Its really immature and annoying. As a person who its very difficult for me to do these things. You could at least give me enough respect to reject me right away. The safest way for a girl to reject a guy is with distance. If she reacted negatively from the start, you may have been okay with it, but lots of other guys would have reacted poorly. If you want a girls "real" reaction, you should approach her while she's in her group of friends, so that way she thinks the power dynamic is in her favour, and there's a reduced chance of you freaking out. | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On September 18 2017 00:47 killa_robot wrote: If you want a girls "real" reaction, you should approach her while she's in her group of friends, so that way she thinks the power dynamic is in her favour, and there's a reduced chance of you freaking out. Not a good idea by any measure. | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
I know I do that. Maybe not the nicest thing but I find I can be really nice and friendly to someone when they're in front of me, and have absolutely no intentions, and not reply their text because I'm not interested in that way. Though playing with your hair is generally a sign of trying to attract someone. Perhaps she was just looking for attention? | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
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dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
I can't do those sort of games though. I prefer to jump right in and get to know someone. | ||
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quake
United States30 Posts
I did ask my friends gf (while we were eating dinner) if texting her a few hours later was a big deal and she said it wasn't. I digress. Perhaps it wasn't a waste of time. You learn, move on. I will admit I probably over reacted. I was highly emotional when I first wrote this. This was first time I approached someone in years. So, perhaps I'm bound to take things a bit harsher than usual. The gist seems to be, if she isn't going to respond and shes the type looking for attention she may lack some character and depth. Perhaps its a good thing I didn't get sucked in. I'll update if I decide to hit on someone else, the story was kind of fun to tell. | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On September 18 2017 01:23 dravernor wrote: My friend does the 'slow to respond' thing with guys she really likes. She feels that making herself appear less interested than she really is will make the guy try harder to get and keep her attention. I can't do those sort of games though. I prefer to jump right in and get to know someone. It also doesn't help. I dunno how it works for you but for me personally if someone got my attention doing anything like that will be more like a bothersome "trying too hard" that just annoys me. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
On September 18 2017 01:35 quake wrote: Well, you guys do bring up solid points. Sometimes, you have to take a step back and see someone else's perspective. I did ask my friends gf (while we were eating dinner) if texting her a few hours later was a big deal and she said it wasn't. I digress. Perhaps it wasn't a waste of time. You learn, move on. I will admit I probably over reacted. I was highly emotional when I first wrote this. This was first time I approached someone in years. So, perhaps I'm bound to take things a bit harsher than usual. The gist seems to be, if she isn't going to respond and shes the type looking for attention she may lack some character and depth. Perhaps its a good thing I didn't get sucked in. I'll update if I decide to hit on someone else, the story was kind of fun to tell. No, no and no. Do not be derogatory just because you feel rejected. There is absolutely zero basis for that assumption after one brief encounter. How can you tell anything about her character? You're just assuming things to feel better. Of course it helps the self confidence to say "she wasn't worth it", but that doesn't make it right in any way. | ||
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VHbb
692 Posts
On September 18 2017 02:04 Artisreal wrote: No, no and no. Do not be derogatory just because you feel rejected. There is absolutely zero basis for that assumption after one brief encounter. How can you tell anything about her character? You're just assuming things to feel better. Of course it helps the self confidence to say "she wasn't worth it", but that doesn't make it right in any way. Agreed. It's always possible that a girl (or a guy in the viceversa situation) just wants to talk to you, enjoys the conversation, without any attraction to you. Yes, she can give you her phone number, but there's no obligation to get back to you - perhaps she enjoyed the brief encounter and wanted to keep open the possibility to get a new friend in the future, think of the situation as if you had the same meeting with an other guy: would you be mad if he didn't answer you immediately? How can you conclude she's "flaky" or "looking for attention" just from this?? First of all, you went up to her - she was not "looking" for your attention. If a guy comes up to me and we talk (I'm a guy, and I'm into girl just for context) and he asks for my number to maybe meet up an other time - I'm happy to give it to him, but it's possible I won't answer immediately (or even for some days): my usual life will always come first, so there's always the possibility that I forget to answer or something.. am I "looking for attention" ? | ||
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