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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 01 2017 22:12 mahrgell wrote:
Am I the only one who feels that this thread should be limited to the problems of the TL'ers posting here?
I always feel like it is rather strange, arrogant and certainly not doing people justice by talking about them unasked on such rather personal matters.
But it is a rather common occurence here, it feels, to talk about what people should do who aren't even present in this thread or how they are doing it wrong.
And in the end people are as they are. And especially when it was already tried if they would change, and it was clear that they won't, imho this should be considered as fixed part of their personality. So asking "Is she wrong to do that" "What should she do(even though she didnt ask me this question and already made clear what she is doing)" feels useless and out of place. So this leaves "What should I do, given that she is as described." because thats what the person posting here can actually affect.
I really don't see how me taking them as an example here is hurtful to them. I mean, it seems to be a common theme among all relationships that sometimes people have a hard time letting go and I just wanted to know what other people thought. You can get some pretty controversial thoughts here.
It also kind of shows how mature someone is IF they understand the situation AND they have completely cut with their past AND aren't willing to act on it responsibly.
Sure, but I'm not really a fan of having very superficial relationships, regardless if they're fuckbuddies or my best friend. That might be my downfall I guess.
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I've never had a relationship, but I'm not really in a rush for one right now. Everyone my age always wants a boy/girlfriend, but for me, I actually don't mind being single. Or maybe I'm just too awkward...
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On September 07 2017 23:59 DeNikSSB wrote:
I've never had a relationship, but I'm not really in a rush for one right now. Everyone my age always wants a boy/girlfriend, but for me, I actually don't mind being single. Or maybe I'm just too awkward...
You will get over your awkwardness after a few dates. No need to rush into a relationship, it is kind of fun to date people though, so you might want to try it out anyways!
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Canada3819 Posts
Getting married in Scotland in 4 weeks, dating has worked out.
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Congratulations 
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On September 07 2017 23:59 DeNikSSB wrote:
I've never had a relationship, but I'm not really in a rush for one right now. Everyone my age always wants a boy/girlfriend, but for me, I actually don't mind being single. Or maybe I'm just too awkward...
mind telling us how old you are?
i felt the same way until i officially started my full time job (and my career) at 21 and realised that i could really use a partner simply for the companionship and to relieve the loneliness. the loneliness aspect is probably more specific to me and my job position but still...
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This isn't a "I need help with dating a girl" question, but hopefully it's still relevant to this thread. I'm living abroad, hence I don't have as many social contacts outside work. I've graduated from university, but most of my course mates are living in different towns/cities, so that isn't helping either. Any advice how I can make more friends? I just find it awkward to talk to random people on the street. Anything else?
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Pick up a team sport or something that entices communication.
Do voluntary work in your free time for a charity whose work you support.
Register at meetup.com, couchsurfing etc., there probably will be at least a weekly meeting via CS, of course depending on the size of the city you're staying. Facebook supposedly has groups for that as well but I don't use FB so that's basically hearsay from me.
Also language exchanges are a possibility to meet locals who want to improve their e.g. English or French as well as other expats and people who lived outside the country for a while.
When I moved to a new city for work last year I was in a similar situation and did basically all of the above. And I had some regular social interaction via the course at a community college I attended on Saturdays from 9-15h
e: to be clear, depending on which country you live in, the actual amount of time you have to spend getting to know sufficient people to have a comfortable circle of friends may vary. but for Germany I'd estimate it to at least a year when you work full time. Of course dependent on character, how outgoing you are and how you define friends.
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Yeah if you plan to stay there for long it takes time to get a social network of people who also will stay there a bit longer. Couchsurfing is obviously just temporary contact and unless you use it for hookups I don't really see the point. I think indeed like Artisreal said a teamsport is a good start to lay foundations. As soon as you know a few people you can build on their networks as well so if you make an effort you can grow your network quite fast once it catches on.
There might also be network events for people just like you in your city? That's always a good place to look as well.
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What the hell is wrong with some people reaction time? A girl I know is into me, I invited her to one of my concerts and it took her 2 days to reply. She came and we had chemistry - we made out, she sent me a photo of us that her friend took, etc... Still, having a two-sentences-conversation with her takes a week, she is basically a ghost on facebook, posting once every two months...I guess I'll ask for her whatsapp. Her brother said that she does not look at facebook often, but my nerd side has difficulties grasping the idea that a person in her twenties doesn't live on social media 
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I'm going out on a limb here: she is probably just not all that into you - if so she would probably have begun to check her social media more often if that is your primary form of communication. For references sake though: My last FB post is from march, prior to that it was august 2016.
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You are 99% right. There other parts of the story that might change your point of view but unfortunately I can't share them.
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Hehe, fair enough. You know the situation better than any of us. Just wanted to put the possibility out there.
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On September 11 2017 19:35 SoSexy wrote:What the hell is wrong with some people reaction time? A girl I know is into me, I invited her to one of my concerts and it took her 2 days to reply. She came and we had chemistry - we made out, she sent me a photo of us that her friend took, etc... Still, having a two-sentences-conversation with her takes a week, she is basically a ghost on facebook, posting once every two months...I guess I'll ask for her whatsapp. Her brother said that she does not look at facebook often, but my nerd side has difficulties grasping the idea that a person in her twenties doesn't live on social media
Some people respond with gigantic time delays for no apparent reason. I know a few people like that.
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I have plenty of friends - and have had no small number of love interests - who simply never respond with any punctuality whatsoever. We're talking like days to weeks to even months for fairly straightforward "what's up?" type communications. I never really understood why; any personal interactions with them always give every indication that they are fond enough of me. Never really got a good answer either, though I will say that they tend to be either scatterbrained or perfectionist as a personality style. I can't say that I learned not to take it personally, but it's something you eventually just get used to. That's absolutely no indication that they don't like you or don't want to talk to you, some people just have a significant response delay to communications.
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20s checking in, barely know what social media even is. granted i'm on my way into my 30s here rip. if someone told me they expected to get some response on facebook, i'd let them know they're waiting for nothing. if you have my phone number use it, or don't expect me to get back to you.
also i'm sometimes the guilty party here in LL's example. scatterbrained also checking in. hit the nail on the head for me. though most times i don't do it intentionally, and i'll always acknowledge that it feels bad on the other end and apologize. it's certainly nothing to be proud of.
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Have you tried calling her or texting her instead of messaging her on Facebook?
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That's the problem guys - I do not have her number! Saturday things went very good and I asked her her number on facebook - still waiting, one day and a half. I'd normally say she is ignoring me, but the fact that she came to the party where I was playing (which had a not so small entry fee, so it's not like she came to drink stuff for free), was near me all night, making out etc. clashes with this.
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EPT
