EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 946
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
Or maybe check what "average" means. Oh, and from my personal experience and 3 years living in Seoul while I was 21-24 I would say the median there is probably 2. Average a bit higher, due to a small group of people raising it quite a bit. Iirc from previous posting thats the big city you are talking about. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
I'd certainly say no to average but would not consider 50-100 disproportionate is that's your main goal in life in your late teens and twens. Notorious B.I.G. I guess  | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
And if there is some supposed correlation: What would make you think, that those professions would actually not end up be at the higher ends of the scale? | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8865 Posts
On August 31 2017 20:27 B.I.G. wrote: The people in my circle are mostly sales, PR, marketing, service, and recruitment. I guess they are all sluts ;p. thats the relevant part. the professions dont have anything to do with it. tbh im not even sure if calling them a slut is enough. they are a level above sluts | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
I too have a hard time thinking that the career path matters. As if "people skills" are a determinant of how many people you date over a long period of time. It's not by virtue of bad people skills that many people choose to be less promiscuous. | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
On August 31 2017 21:11 B.I.G. wrote: I guess the common denominator in my mind would be that they are all industries where people skills play an important role. Honestly I'm surprised this is so surprising to the rest of you and saying they are something beyond sluts is pretty conservative in my mind. If a person that has been dating 10 years and on average had 5 partners per year (not a shocking number to me) than thats already 50. That's not so weird is it? What skills? Like "convincing other people" or "Sell stuff above its value". And they are generally, what many call "good with people". Yeah. You are slowly trying to convince me of a correlation, and it feels like you are having some success here. And many people consider it rather weird when they are told someone was "dating" for 10 years and consistently banging away. Yes, there are people who are searching for 10 years, but most often those aren't exactly those who are ending in bed left and right. (either because they don't get to it, or because they don't want to or they are simply not that type) And those who are the quicker dating type... usually don't do that for 10 years, unless they aren't looking for "dating" but simply for "fucking". And then there might still be people who end up with 50. But what you initially suggested was an AVERAGE of 50-100. Long way to go.... | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
On August 31 2017 21:11 B.I.G. wrote: I guess the common denominator in my mind would be that they are all industries where people skills play an important role. Honestly I'm surprised this is so surprising to the rest of you and saying they are something beyond sluts is pretty conservative in my mind. If a person that has been dating 10 years and on average had 5 partners per year (not a shocking number to me) than thats already 50. That's not so weird is it? Call it conservative, but if you have been dating 50 people without having entered even a single long-term relationship in 10 years you probably got some issues to work on to be honest. If it was purely people skills that mattered you would think the same level of promiscuity was found in other industries such as healthcare. It is not though. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
2) I mentioned the industries because people linked my observation to my specific circle of people and yes I do believe industries either attract a certain kind of person or mold them into that. 3) What the factors are in those industries I don't know, but I have seen it happen often enough to start calling it a pattern. 4) Again, I know lots of people who fall into the category I described and most of them are perfectly normal people with no more or fewer issues than the rest of us. 5) When we were younger, if a friend of mine wouldn't have had sex in 2 or 3 months we would start making (good natured) fun of him for that. I guess that's not normal either? | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8865 Posts
50-100 is in no way fairly common, normal or average. it is an outlier by a mile and anyone with that kind of number should be worrying about their ability to commit to a proper relationship. even if you argue that people may sleep with a number of people during the "breaks" between serious relationships, generally people who are looking for a serious long term commitment are also the people who would steer away from having anywhere near that many partners. the only people who i could understand as hitting that figure (besides prostitutes), are guys like hugh hefner or some "playboy" wannabe who most likely doesnt want to settle down. these kinds of people are already in a category of uncommon, not average and imo 'not normal' anyway. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On August 31 2017 22:19 B.I.G. wrote: 2) I mentioned the industries because people linked my observation to my specific circle of people and yes I do believe industries either attract a certain kind of person or mold them into that. Of course certain industries attract/train certain skills, but I would rather say the motivation is the key. You can be the best flirter, if you are more interested in meaningful and long-term relationships, the number of partners you have over the years will take a hit and most likely will be beaten by a person of average / sub average flirting skills that just wants to have sex / takes relationships less seriously. To each his own. 3) What the factors are in those industries I don't know, but I have seen it happen often enough to start calling it a pattern. I would assume it is rather anecdotal bias/ coincidence, combined with a salesperson that is out for getting sex might be more successful because of his skills. Idk. I wanted to make some derogatory jokes about these parts of the industry, but I won't because I don’t want to give the impression that seeking casual sex is wrong. I would rather say your social circle is just full of 'sluts' (using your own words). Or you might be projecting, ‘notorious’ big   5) When we were younger, if a friend of mine wouldn't have had sex in 2 or 3 months we would start making (good natured) fun of him for that. I guess that's not normal either? You probably were just normal teenage dorks, seems like natural behaviour for certain groups at a certain age. Nothing unusual/harmfull here. | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
On August 31 2017 22:19 B.I.G. wrote: 1) I never intended to portray 50 - 100 as the average but more as a fairly common outlier. 2) I mentioned the industries because people linked my observation to my specific circle of people and yes I do believe industries either attract a certain kind of person or mold them into that. 3) What the factors are in those industries I don't know, but I have seen it happen often enough to start calling it a pattern. 4) Again, I know lots of people who fall into the category I described and most of them are perfectly normal people with no more or fewer issues than the rest of us. 5) When we were younger, if a friend of mine wouldn't have had sex in 2 or 3 months we would start making (good natured) fun of him for that. I guess that's not normal either? 1) you called it "the norm". - I think enough people mentioned that they absolutely don't consider it the norm. 2)+3) well, I gave you a number of traits, which might be useful in both regards (your listed professions and getting people into bed without being able to connect for longer) 4) again it was mentioned here, that it seems like several posters feel like people who are "dating" for 10 years without getting into relationships are not considered that normal in their eyes. 5) I thought the discussion was about "number of sexual partners" and not about "number of sexual intercourses". By now I have the feeling that you consider it normal, that those numbers are close to even. Not everyone may agree on that though. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
Before that I hadn't had sex for years due to relationships never lasting longer than a couple of months. So for me, personally, it would be rather unusual to get teased for 2-3 months of abstention . For my circle of friends it would've been mixed. Some more active, some less, some not openly discussing.I mean 50-100 sex partners is alright. If you're into that, go for it, I'm definitely not gonna judge someone for that. Dating the same number and not finding someone suitable I would call bad luck though (: | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On August 31 2017 22:39 Artisreal wrote: I mean 50-100 sex partners is alright. If you're into that, go for it, I'm definitely not gonna judge someone for that. Dating the same number and not finding someone suitable I would call bad luck though (: That paragraph could be turned into a philosophical quote. Words to live by. The bad luck part has something calming for all those who are unsuccesfull in finding a lasting relationship (unless you already at the 100 though...). | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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RvB
Netherlands6274 Posts
On August 31 2017 16:22 B.I.G. wrote: Ok everyone I need your input to confirm or debunk my theory (although it's not exactly groundbreaking). I have observed what is in my opinion a strong correlation between sexual activity, the acceptence of it, and the population size of the place where you live/operate (so lets say the place where you rest your head and have your social life). The population of places I lived (in order) was 1.000->100.000->1.000.000->6.000.000->20.000.000+. In each the "norm" for sexual partners was very different, going from 5-10 to 50-100 being normal or at least common. The people in this group are all ones that make at least a bit of an effort. Did you guys see the same or are there more factors at play? Yes I agree the norm differs due to population size. I live in a village of 20k. It's hard to go all pua since you get a name very fast. You'll be known as a playboy in no time. On the other hand when I go to the city next to my village (100k inhabitants) you're pretty much anonymous and it's a lot easier to pick up women. In addition villages are usually more conservative. My village is very Christian conservative for example and young people are pressured pretty hard into getting into a relationship at a young age. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On September 01 2017 00:52 B.I.G. wrote: Well consider me educated. I honestly didn't expect it to be this abnormal amongst young adults living in Western countries. Or as Waffelz said, I might be guilty of projecting too much. I would like to point out that the projecting part was more ment in jest, but if it turns out to be accurate I still take full credit. | ||
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