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Dating: How's your luck? - Page 945

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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 21 2017 03:17 GMT
#18881
Got a question for you guys. During my dating live and from what I saw of friends and their partners it often seems that the guys girls date often get a far more central position in their lives than the other way around. For example a girl would have 3 close friends and mainly hang out with her man and his gang while the guy would have 20 friends that always remained the same over the years. It also seems that often girls tend to get more of their self identity/value from their guys. Is this just my perception or do you guys experience the same?
evilfatsh1t
Profile Joined October 2010
Australia8942 Posts
August 21 2017 03:40 GMT
#18882
i think i speak for 90% of koreans when it comes to that.
in korean culture once youre in a relationship, its very common to see 2 partners make each other "central", to the point of almost neglecting other friendships.
definitely not exclusive to girls in korea
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-08-21 08:32:00
August 21 2017 08:26 GMT
#18883
A so called "Toffel" as we say in Sweden. Most of my friends who have girlfriends haven't gone full toffel, but some do. One in particular, he studies the same major as I do and got a girlfriend like one year ago. I have barely seen him since. He almost never wants to join in on activities and mostly hangs with his gf. It is not like she isn't invited or isn't allowed to come either.

It is kinda sad though, not that he has found someone who he loves but that once his relationship falls apart, I'm not sure he will have that many close friends anymore.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
sc-darkness
Profile Joined August 2017
856 Posts
August 21 2017 17:05 GMT
#18884
What if his relationship doesn't fall apart though? I know what you mean, it's a bit stupid to be obsessed with one person only to the point of ignoring everyone else.
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
August 21 2017 17:19 GMT
#18885
On August 22 2017 02:05 sc-darkness wrote:
What if his relationship doesn't fall apart though? I know what you mean, it's a bit stupid to be obsessed with one person only to the point of ignoring everyone else.

I don't say it to be rude, I'm just not a utopian. I don't believe it is probable that the first person you have sex with and get into a relationship will be the final partner in life, given that you reach old age. I doubt my first girlfriend will be my last girlfriend.

Even if it doesn't fall apart it is still bad. He won't be in the honeymoon phase forever and he will want to have close friends, and his best friend who is one of my closest friends seem to never see him anymore.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
carlosperezesi
Profile Joined August 2017
0 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-08-21 17:46:08
August 21 2017 17:46 GMT
#18886
Bot edit.

User was banned for this post.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 22 2017 09:54 GMT
#18887
I explained wrong. Obviously there are a lot of couples who disappear off the face of the earth when they get together but what I meant was that also very commonly you will see that the guy's social circle is still very much intact while the girl's circle more and more starts to be about her boyfriend's circle.
Ghostcom
Profile Joined March 2010
Denmark4783 Posts
August 22 2017 10:17 GMT
#18888
I think your scope is too narrow to accurately answer. I think the answer has more to do with how males vs females form, nurture, and use friendships. A lot of it is generalizations with varying degrees of data to back it up, but apparently there is quite some difference between how males/females form, nurture, and keep friendships:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702304620304575166090090482912

I think it is some of this you have observed.
evilfatsh1t
Profile Joined October 2010
Australia8942 Posts
August 23 2017 07:36 GMT
#18889
On August 22 2017 18:54 B.I.G. wrote:
I explained wrong. Obviously there are a lot of couples who disappear off the face of the earth when they get together but what I meant was that also very commonly you will see that the guy's social circle is still very much intact while the girl's circle more and more starts to be about her boyfriend's circle.

for me personally, its been the other way around. my social circle mainly consists of my high school friends from australia but my girlfriends have been born and raised koreans. they dont particularly mix too well whereas i mix with koreans and australians perfectly, so it was me joining my girlfriends circle more.
for my high school friends though, i think your observation holds true for them.
zaMNal
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Mongolia385 Posts
August 26 2017 03:56 GMT
#18890
Which movie is _more_ suited for a new-ish date: The Hitman's Bodyguard or Annabelle: Creation?
PS: She can handle a horror movie
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 26 2017 04:05 GMT
#18891
Horror always better. The sensation of being scared helps to bond and has the potential "I'm scared and don't wanna sleep alone" perk.
Dark_Chill
Profile Joined May 2011
Canada3353 Posts
August 26 2017 04:42 GMT
#18892
Anabelle: Creation is way funnier than the Hitman's Bodyguard, go for that one.
CUTE MAKES RIGHT
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
August 26 2017 08:46 GMT
#18893
You're watching it at home right? Then horror is probably more fun for coziness!
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
Artisreal
Profile Joined June 2009
Germany9235 Posts
August 26 2017 21:45 GMT
#18894
To me this horror talk sounds so incredibly cliche. Like yawning to put your arm around someone.
If you choose a good movie or even just an entertaining or funny one you're good to go in my book.
Maybe even go for something you really like, in a sense that you want to share something important.
Night on Earth by Jim Jarmusch for example. Fantastic movie, but something with a little depth, that's not for everyone. I watched it with my gf early in our relationship, because I had a feeling she'd appreciate his work.

If she likes horror though and you do too. Fancy! The Babadook comes to mind as scary as hell.
passive quaranstream fan
Dark_Chill
Profile Joined May 2011
Canada3353 Posts
August 26 2017 23:41 GMT
#18895
Night of the Living Dead for cool guy points.
But yeah, just pick a good movie that you know you'll both like.
CUTE MAKES RIGHT
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
August 27 2017 09:55 GMT
#18896
On August 27 2017 06:45 Artisreal wrote:
To me this horror talk sounds so incredibly cliche. Like yawning to put your arm around someone.

Yeah a bit cliché perhaps. However, if you're not used to pulling any "moves" then it might be easier if you have some bullshit reason to do it.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 27 2017 10:48 GMT
#18897
It also facilitates the "I don't know, it just happened" rationalozation women are so fond of if they want something casual.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 31 2017 07:22 GMT
#18898
Ok everyone I need your input to confirm or debunk my theory (although it's not exactly groundbreaking).

I have observed what is in my opinion a strong correlation between sexual activity, the acceptence of it, and the population size of the place where you live/operate (so lets say the place where you rest your head and have your social life). The population of places I lived (in order) was 1.000->100.000->1.000.000->6.000.000->20.000.000+. In each the "norm" for sexual partners was very different, going from 5-10 to 50-100 being normal or at least common. The people in this group are all ones that make at least a bit of an effort. Did you guys see the same or are there more factors at play?
evilfatsh1t
Profile Joined October 2010
Australia8942 Posts
August 31 2017 09:07 GMT
#18899
50-100 is normal? wtf
mahrgell
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Germany3943 Posts
August 31 2017 09:37 GMT
#18900
Most recent survey in Germany(all ages asked):
Women asked answered an average of 5.
Men answered an average of 10.

And yes, the study also talked about the reasons of why people lie about their number of sexual partners as can be easily seen from those numbers.


And lol at 50-100 average. No, not even in the most slothful student/party city. You can now try to figure out if it is your perception or the circles you are moving in. And no, it is not the city size.
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