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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 14 2017 03:57 Sycamore wrote: What do you guys think about "opening" up a monogamic relationship in certain ways? I'm guessing you will be having a threesome? Otherwise it seems like a recipe for disaster. What if you have a threesome with another girl and she wants to try it out with another guy. Would you be okay with that? I think this is something you have to discuss a lot. | ||
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Sycamore
204 Posts
But when she asked she was also referring to other encounters between just her and other woman, when I'm not there. So I guess the question is if I should constrain it to having threesomes. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 14 2017 04:54 Sycamore wrote: Yea she already said she is open about a threesome. And I'm open about it too, and yes we need to discuss a lot beforehand how we go about it. But when she asked she was also referring to other encounters between just her and other woman, when I'm not there. So I guess the question is if I should constrain it to having threesomes. I would personally never go there. Feels very risky. Are you against her having sex with random guys by herself? Since I don't see the difference between that and her having sex with a girl by herself. | ||
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brian
United States9641 Posts
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Sycamore
204 Posts
On August 14 2017 04:57 bloodwhore~ wrote: I would personally never go there. Feels very risky. Are you against her having sex with random guys by herself? Since I don't see the difference between that and her having sex with a girl by herself. Yes I'm against that. Its probably foolish to think that way, but somehow I feel there's a difference between that and sex with girls. Maybe because it doesn't "threaten" me as much since it is a different kind of sex and a girl can never truly "replace" me in that way. But emotionally it is the same, you are right... | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
I think it's both childish and selfish of your lady. The other side of being with someone you love is that you should also be willing to make some sacrifices. Stuff like this would be a good example. Leave that for if the relationship is broken off at some point. This doesn't mean I think fantasies are a no go, but being in a monogamous relationship and then bringing up you want to fuck other people (or in whatever fantasy wrapping you want to present it) and not necessarily include you is shitty. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On August 14 2017 13:05 B.I.G. wrote: I think it's kind of shitty of her to bring up something like that if it doesn't necessarily even include you. I always wanted to bumfuck more women but I dont go up to my girlfriend like "hey honey since you're not in to all that do you mind if I go find some random bargirl to have anal sex with? It's ok it's my fantasy and it's just physical!" I think it's both childish and selfish of your lady. The other side of being with someone you love is that you should also be willing to make some sacrifices. Stuff like this would be a good example. Leave that for if the relationship is broken off at some point. This doesn't mean I think fantasies are a no go, but being in a monogamous relationship and then bringing up you want to fuck other people (or in whatever fantasy wrapping you want to present it) and not necessarily include you is shitty. he could always say no and she could always leave | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On August 14 2017 13:05 B.I.G. wrote: I think it's kind of shitty of her to bring up something like that if it doesn't necessarily even include you. I always wanted to bumfuck more women but I dont go up to my girlfriend like "hey honey since you're not in to all that do you mind if I go find some random bargirl to have anal sex with? It's ok it's my fantasy and it's just physical!" I think it's both childish and selfish of your lady. The other side of being with someone you love is that you should also be willing to make some sacrifices. Stuff like this would be a good example. Leave that for if the relationship is broken off at some point. This doesn't mean I think fantasies are a no go, but being in a monogamous relationship and then bringing up you want to fuck other people (or in whatever fantasy wrapping you want to present it) and not necessarily include you is shitty. I don't know man, I thought a key element of relationships where that you can always talk about everything. Being able to sacrifice things is also very important of course, but you usually aim to find a middle ground. Like asking first and then seeing how it goes from there. I don't really see much harm in "Hey I would like to try out having sex with a women", if presented correctly. Even if you believe to know how your partner would answer, it is still good to ask maybe unless he is insecure about it. If it is something that is important to you go for it. I would argue exploring your own sexuality in that extent is very important, she might realize that it is very important to her. It might be much bigger for her than just "oh I want to bang chicks too". As long as it’s not phrased like "I want to sleep with women, be okay with it or bye" it seems fine. And this comes from someone who still has to learn to tone down his willingness to self-sacrifice. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 14 2017 22:11 waffelz wrote: And this comes from someone who still has to learn to tone down his willingness to self-sacrifice. I agree with you to some degree. But I feel like after just 2 years of being together, you shouldn't need to branch out and fuck other people. To me that would feel like the beginning of the end. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On August 14 2017 22:24 bloodwhore~ wrote: I agree with you to some degree. But I feel like after just 2 years of being together, you shouldn't need to branch out and fuck other people. To me that would feel like the beginning of the end. It most likely would be a no go for me, but that’s not the point. The point is she should still be able to ask, without feeling selfish, especially when it is more than simply wanting to fuck other people (which ironically to your post usually comes up only after a certain time  ). It is very important to talk about things like this, even if it ends up in a disagreement / no change it gives clarity and understanding. I only gave my opinion on B.I.G's post saying that she is selfish for asking, since I don't know any of the involved persons and the potential problems that could arise had already been mentioned. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
But I still feel like the relationship is kind of doomed after if he isn't into it. I can't imagine a girl going "I want to explore with other partners." he responds with "No." and they continue to live happily forever after. I imagine his trust for her is severely diminished, and I don't think you would ask such a thing from a partner and just give up on it. Not if you are young at least. And what do you mean with more simply than wanting to fuck other people? I think few people are capable of having open relationships. I wouldn't my relationship to be the guinea pig where she tests if she likes it putting the relationship in jeopardy. I'm just rambling at this point  | ||
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Sycamore
204 Posts
On August 14 2017 22:11 waffelz wrote: If it is something that is important to you go for it. I would argue exploring your own sexuality in that extent is very important, she might realize that it is very important to her. It might be much bigger for her than just "oh I want to bang chicks too". Thats the thing. I want her to be happy and if exploring her sexuality is important to her then I can see that. The curiousness and attraction to women has been building up for her for quite some time now. I can understand that she would like to try it. And I'm not mad at her for asking, as she phrased it well and puts no pressure one me (she said it is also ok if I say no) and its better to talk about those things instead of her having to hide those feelings from me. But on the other hand I`m also thinking that being in a monogamous relationship is perhaps not the right habitat for trying out these things, as it can lead to many problems with possibly ending the relationship as a consequence. But then the question is if I don't agree and the urge/curiousness for her still gets bigger wouldn't the relationship be in danger anyways | ||
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brian
United States9641 Posts
On August 14 2017 23:53 bloodwhore~ wrote: Yeah I agree that she should be able to ask. I don't think it is selfish. But I still feel like the relationship is kind of doomed after if he isn't into it. I can't imagine a girl going "I want to explore with other partners." he responds with "No." and they continue to live happily forever after. I imagine his trust for her is severely diminished, and I don't think you would ask such a thing from a partner and just give up on it. Not if you are young at least. And what do you mean with more simply than wanting to fuck other people? I think few people are capable of having open relationships. I wouldn't my relationship to be the guinea pig where she tests if she likes it putting the relationship in jeopardy. I'm just rambling at this point i dont think anyone's trust should be questioned when trying to have a discussion, that's a pretty bad sign on your own part if you're not okay with talking to your partner about what you're into, sexually or otherwise. and whether that's a deal breaker from the (woman?'s) point of view is certainly on the table and something to be discussed as well no doubt. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 15 2017 00:25 brian wrote: i dont think anyone's trust should be questioned when trying to have a discussion, that's a pretty bad sign on your own part if you're not okay with talking to your partner about what you're into, sexually or otherwise. and whether that's a deal breaker from the (woman?'s) point of view is certainly on the table and something to be discussed as well no doubt. Yeah you're probably right. I have never been in a relationship though, so I have no experience. I have just stated what I believe I would think in the scenario. | ||
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ragnasaur
United States804 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 15 2017 06:40 ragnasaur wrote: Im 29 right now & i get the feeling like most girls i talk with want to bang. I rarely act on it & i dont know if its cuz im afraid of rejection or cuz of poor self esteem or cuz my upbringing. This last month i got the vibe that pretty much every girl i hung out with wanted the D regardless if their having husbands or not. I feel like thats just a typical male feeling and i also think i may be getting to an age or life stage where casual sex with everyone is okay. Anyone else feel that way? Can't say I feel the same way. Don't really talk to the other gender that much on a normal day these days. Why don't you give the girls who are not in a relationship the D? You should if you want to! | ||
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Scodia
United Kingdom588 Posts
On August 15 2017 06:40 ragnasaur wrote: Im 29 right now & i get the feeling like most girls i talk with want to bang. I rarely act on it & i dont know if its cuz im afraid of rejection or cuz of poor self esteem or cuz my upbringing. This last month i got the vibe that pretty much every girl i hung out with wanted the D regardless if their having husbands or not. I feel like thats just a typical male feeling and i also think i may be getting to an age or life stage where casual sex with everyone is okay. Anyone else feel that way? Best advice I got for dating and dealing with my fear of rejection etc was to stop looking at every girl as someone I could fuck. And if u think u got a chance, don't let them see u stressing over it. Either make your move or just move on and try another day if you think they are still interested. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I told her that she could visit me if she wanted to, she was for the idea. A few days ago she mentioned that she would like to bring her best friend. I said sure, and so they are coming tomorrow. My intention was to just have tons of sex with the one I had already met, but now I'm not sure that is possible. She suggested a double date with my best friend. However, my best friend has a girlfriend, and I doubt the other girl would be even slightly attracted to my other friends. I had one who could possibly join us, I asked him but he had exams and didn't seem super interested. I suggested that we take MDMA , however I'm getting really mixed signals if they are interested. They are clearly not against drugs, they seem to have done way more than me. I guess I will have to ask them in person about it. They wanted to "party", but not go clubbing. Does anyone have any other suggestions? | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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