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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
decide what you want out of the relationship with her. is she worth the trouble of you having to attack her judgment?
me personally, regardless of whether or not i got to sleep with her and she was fun, if i saw something as blatantly stupid as that and she was falling victim to it i would step in. i hate ignorance above all else and i wouldnt care if she was an 11/10 for everything else, if shes dumb enough to fall for shit like that id find out whats up with her and sort this shit out. if the relationship falls through then you deal with it then, but its still better than being with someone who has empty space in their skull and tbh youre probably doing her a massive service in the long run if you can enlighten her on why shes wrong.
how id step in is a totally other topic however. you could be polite about her naivety or her innocence, or you could straight up shit talk her for being no different to a flat earther like you said, or you could do anything in between. judging the scenario and her responses is up to you.
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On August 07 2017 15:18 Volband wrote: If you are at rank 3, then you can probably just heal cancer, but a mere rank 2 peon can't.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! I would have fucking lost it if a girl I dated told me about energies and shit. Who the fuck is that brain washed. Red flag voldband. Red flag.
Honestly, you can definitely find someone better than that. To be fair, if she said "I know it's fake, I'm just doing it to hustle stupid people." That would be less of a red flag to me.
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We already have a history of me stepping in, though initially it came from a place of pure frustration. She was very defensive about certain topics and I just had enough.
The biggest one was about her ex who was 17 years older than her. I swear it was absolutely random how I found it out, but once I knew, I had a few questions. He had a son too.. so I asked "why", or how did her parents react, etc. But she tried to derail the topic. Your credit card number is none of my business, but if I am getting to know you in a somewhat romantic manner, then I sure as hell want to know what went through your mind during that period.
Anyhow, in the end I "broke her" when I quite rudely snapped and told her my opinion of what the answers might be. She told me I was right and since then she thinks im some psychology god or I don't know. It was just common sense though. My rebel nature seems to help her out a lot, because she lived in her bubble feeling miserable, and she got accustomed to people respecting their boundaries, while I happened to just walk through them.
Funny how we got from "who the fuck do you think you are, knowing what others think" to her being able to laugh at the same stuff she got worked up with.
And I don't believe Im saying this, but I wish she got hooked with motivational speakers instead. Pretty much ruined my cousin's life on the long run, but if you take those with a grain of salt it might help you, or at the very least not do anything. "Get up early and achieve your dreams" share it on fbook, be happy about it and move on. No harm done and it was free.
This, however... I am reading about it vigorously, and the more personal stories I see, the more infuriated I get. I am just afraid to shatter her. She must've really wanted this first course (which is quite mild compared to the later stages) and it was a gift from her parents, whom she doesn't have the best relationship with.
Oh well, I've already decided, but preferably let my brain cool off as long as possible.
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On August 07 2017 16:24 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On August 07 2017 15:18 Volband wrote: If you are at rank 3, then you can probably just heal cancer, but a mere rank 2 peon can't. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! I would have fucking lost it if a girl I dated told me about energies and shit. Who the fuck is that brain washed. Red flag voldband. Red flag. Honestly, you can definitely find someone better than that. To be fair, if she said "I know it's fake, I'm just doing it to hustle stupid people." That would be less of a red flag to me.
Honestly, she is not stupid. I hate to deconstruct my stellar story in the works, but before I met her, I wasn't sure if she is completely abled. But she turned out just fine when we met.
She's rather... misguided. I don't think she believes in that stuff; I think she somehow convinced herself that it's probably not true, but the early, basic levels are legit. When I tried to ask about it - before I knew what monstrosity I was dealing with - she gave me the run the mill answers of it's true, it's legit, it's proven and that it is fine if im skeptical. Once again, I thought it was like meditation. I don't "get it", but I trust in its effectiveness on others.
And don't worry, I already gave her hell for it. It's a good soil for easy jokes.
Also, she did not seem too happy about that course. No phone for days in an isolated place with 6 other people, 2 of which she admittedly hated. But I am going to get to the bottom of it.
Also, I should show her those Community episodes with that stupid cult Pierce was in.
Edit: i am however slowly descending into madness as I read debates about this stuff. ADULT PEOPLE ARE TALKING IN A CONDESCENDING WAY ABOUT HOW THEY CAN BEND BONES!!!!!! I can't take it. "If you dont believe it, then do the courses till you reach lvl 4 and you will understand." Hell, this should be my go to pick up line. If you don't believe that im good in bed, then you should have sex with me first!
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Although I applaud anyone who makes an effort to educate people I think there is also a right way and a wrong way to do it. Attacking her believes and questioning her sanity, although sometimes warranted, is only going to make a person shut down. First try to understand her thoughts without judging and then see if you can get her to see things in a different way, if you still think she's wrong.
We're not going to change the world by making people feel like idiots guys.
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I'm not saying she is so stupid she doesn't have the brain power to do things in life, just saying it is stupid to believe whatever. Most people would regard Trump as stupid, however, you do not get to his position by having an IQ of 50.
For example,I think you are pretty stupid if you believe a real life spider man exists in New York, or if you believe in god. If you believe something without evidence, that is stupid to me. And I have never seen any scientific studies about crystals aligning the chakra in your body or anything similar.
Furthermore, I would never try to change someones opinion just because they believe in fictional characters. I don't care if they believe in santa claus or god, doesn't hurt me. I just don't want to date or be around people like that.
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The other part was just me wondering how a polyamorous relationship works out for the person that isn’t polyamorous. Not that it is wrong or the person should change, just being incapable to comprehend how I would make that work out for myself.
It won't. If you want a polyamorous relationship and your partner doesn't, that's a conflict. It may even be an unresolvable conflict. Again, it's not for everyone.
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I feel you Volband. Few days ago I was on a party, spoke to a girl that seemed cool, only to find out that she was an "humanity is a virus"-edgelord +"capitalism is the reason for everything evil" as a bonus. At least this is a opinion that you can actually defend (not if you take it literally ofc), but it wasn't the opinion that sucked, it was her arguing for it. Feels amazing to get told that we are too many people, that there just isn't enough food around, only to be followed up by "Pakistan/China/India some other Asian State destroys rice reserves that would be enough to feed 80% of the people on earth". And when pointing out that she just contradicted herself, she ends up bullshitting around, with no chance of getting through her. People who hold their opinion disregarding all facts always baffle me. It’s also always really funny when you meet someone who claims to be convinced that it would be better off if humanity is dead and that they wish they could aid with it, I always through in a cheeky "Really? I mean we are really happy that you around and would like for sure if it would be stay like that, but if you really believe in this why not just jump off the bridge for the wealth of the planet/animals/whatever". They only stumble around more afterwards, only a few shut up or have a decent argument for that. That’s what you get for talking to new people.
On August 07 2017 18:19 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm not saying she is so stupid she doesn't have the brain power to do things in life, just saying it is stupid to believe whatever. Most people would regard Trump as stupid, however, you do not get to his position by having an IQ of 50.
Careful, IQ doesn't do much for opinions, if you don’t use it. Some high ups of the third reich had really high IQ. You can have stupid opinions despite having a high IQ, the environment and your upbringing is critical. If you never learned to fact check for yourself or to question your own ideas, you are very susceptible to cult stuff. Or when you are brought up in an environment that praises authority/family over everything, you won’t question stuff that is coming from a perceived superior or when dropped in a family like structure / are searching for something like a family structure (sects often take advantage of this) you can take a lot of garbage opinions for facts before your critical thinking sets in. Plus critical thinking isn’t fun for a lot of people.
EDIT: Also, TL has noticed my desperate dating situation and therefore started to advertise "Eastern Europe Dating - the ultimate dating experience" to me. Ouch. Even TL thinks mailorderbrides are my only chance.
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On August 09 2017 19:46 waffelz wrote:I feel you Volband. Few days ago I was on a party, spoke to a girl that seemed cool, only to find out that she was an "humanity is a virus"-edgelord +"capitalism is the reason for everything evil" as a bonus. At least this is a opinion that you can actually defend (not if you take it literally ofc), but it wasn't the opinion that sucked, it was her arguing for it. Feels amazing to get told that we are too many people, that there just isn't enough food around, only to be followed up by "Pakistan/China/India some other Asian State destroys rice reserves that would be enough to feed 80% of the people on earth". And when pointing out that she just contradicted herself, she ends up bullshitting around, with no chance of getting through her. People who hold their opinion disregarding all facts always baffle me. It’s also always really funny when you meet someone who claims to be convinced that it would be better off if humanity is dead and that they wish they could aid with it, I always through in a cheeky "Really? I mean we are really happy that you around and would like for sure if it would be stay like that, but if you really believe in this why not just jump off the bridge for the wealth of the planet/animals/whatever". They only stumble around more afterwards, only a few shut up or have a decent argument for that. That’s what you get for talking to new people. Show nested quote +On August 07 2017 18:19 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm not saying she is so stupid she doesn't have the brain power to do things in life, just saying it is stupid to believe whatever. Most people would regard Trump as stupid, however, you do not get to his position by having an IQ of 50. Careful, IQ doesn't do much for opinions, if you don’t use it. Some high ups of the third reich had really high IQ. You can have stupid opinions despite having a high IQ, the environment and your upbringing is critical. If you never learned to fact check for yourself or to question your own ideas, you are very susceptible to cult stuff. Or when you are brought up in an environment that praises authority/family over everything, you won’t question stuff that is coming from a perceived superior or when dropped in a family like structure / are searching for something like a family structure (sects often take advantage of this) you can take a lot of garbage opinions for facts before your critical thinking sets in. Plus critical thinking isn’t fun for a lot of people. EDIT: Also, TL has noticed my desperate dating situation and therefore started to advertise "Eastern Europe Dating - the ultimate dating experience" to me. Ouch. Even TL thinks mailorderbrides are my only chance.
TL AD's are awesome. I googled biblical quotes for athletes at some point, and wake up song for babies (to troll my gf) I got ads about cartoons"To learn the way of the lord"
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Netherlands6192 Posts
My grandfather once used my computer to look at used car imports from Japan (about 4 years ago) and I still get ads for them.
Anyway, back on topic. I met a lovely man on TL and we have been dating long distance for almost 8 months and I'm super happy.
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After a long, soul-tormenting (for her) debate, I think we finally fixed this issue. Not sure why she couldn't just begin her explanatipn from the start. I feel that she needs to be deconstructed to a certain level to finally convince her to speak reason. Anyway, she is not a cultist, nor a magician, just desperate.
Which I already knew and it is partially why I have mixed feelings. I think her looks is good, but wouldn't say sexy. I think talking with her is fun, but I don't feel that... "extra". I keep going back and forth about her. Sometimes I find her adorable, but other times I don't even want to speak with her and feel like a jerk. Yes, I established that I am not looking for a relationship (with her), but still. I've "got her" already, she is really swoon ocer me. On one hand it is a mighty feeling, but on the other hand, its utterly boring.
She is excited about the sex, she will even travel down to my place, and I am sure we will/would have a good time, but... just but.
I am not even sure how to find someone whom you would consider to be in a relationship. Truth is, if I take the bus, I see on average 2 girls I have a mini crush on. I just look at them, and they seem exciting! It can range from trashy whore lookalikes (hooker stamp, ass out, hydrogene blonde, make up everywhere), to plain, ordinary, objecticely not even sexy girls. "Want to get to know her! No, her! Wait, no, she seems like the one!". I miss this excitement about this current girl, but now Im not even sure what Im supposed to feel towards the one once I met with her a couple of times.
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So you can imagine all kind of exciting things about people you have no clue about.
But people you talked to and got to know are much less exciting than your fantasies?
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On August 09 2017 21:58 dravernor wrote:
My grandfather once used my computer to look at used car imports from Japan (about 4 years ago) and I still get ads for them.
Anyway, back on topic. I met a lovely man on TL and we have been dating long distance for almost 8 months and I'm super happy.
dafuq? is there a hidden dating thread in this site or somethinf
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Netherlands6192 Posts
On August 10 2017 13:13 evilfatsh1t wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2017 21:58 dravernor wrote:
My grandfather once used my computer to look at used car imports from Japan (about 4 years ago) and I still get ads for them.
Anyway, back on topic. I met a lovely man on TL and we have been dating long distance for almost 8 months and I'm super happy. dafuq? is there a hidden dating thread in this site or somethinf
We happened across each other on the forums and things grew steadily from there. Not sure a dating thread on TL of all places would be fruitful :thinking:
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On August 10 2017 13:13 evilfatsh1t wrote:Show nested quote +On August 09 2017 21:58 dravernor wrote:
My grandfather once used my computer to look at used car imports from Japan (about 4 years ago) and I still get ads for them.
Anyway, back on topic. I met a lovely man on TL and we have been dating long distance for almost 8 months and I'm super happy. dafuq? is there a hidden dating thread in this site or somethinf
Every thread is a dating thread if you are desperate brave enough. And if you are into men... You propably mostly need to be into men.
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On August 09 2017 22:04 Volband wrote:
After a long, soul-tormenting (for her) debate, I think we finally fixed this issue. Not sure why she couldn't just begin her explanatipn from the start. I feel that she needs to be deconstructed to a certain level to finally convince her to speak reason. Anyway, she is not a cultist, nor a magician, just desperate.
Which I already knew and it is partially why I have mixed feelings. I think her looks is good, but wouldn't say sexy. I think talking with her is fun, but I don't feel that... "extra". I keep going back and forth about her. Sometimes I find her adorable, but other times I don't even want to speak with her and feel like a jerk. Yes, I established that I am not looking for a relationship (with her), but still. I've "got her" already, she is really swoon ocer me. On one hand it is a mighty feeling, but on the other hand, its utterly boring.
She is excited about the sex, she will even travel down to my place, and I am sure we will/would have a good time, but... just but.
I am not even sure how to find someone whom you would consider to be in a relationship. Truth is, if I take the bus, I see on average 2 girls I have a mini crush on. I just look at them, and they seem exciting! It can range from trashy whore lookalikes (hooker stamp, ass out, hydrogene blonde, make up everywhere), to plain, ordinary, objecticely not even sexy girls. "Want to get to know her! No, her! Wait, no, she seems like the one!". I miss this excitement about this current girl, but now Im not even sure what Im supposed to feel towards the one once I met with her a couple of times.
Sorry, just hopped into this thread 10 minutes ago and read only the last 2 pages, but don't you think the only reason she's "seeing reason" is because you're replacing the cult authority figures you have a problem with?
You've already established she's clearly desperate, and if she knows that you don't want to be in a relationship with her but still sticks around anyway because she adores you, it implies that she would do whatever she could to try and keep you around. She's still looking for someone to tell her how to live her life, and right now you seem an awful lot like that person.
The reason you're "bored" with her is because she's not being really herself, because she's still afraid of the world and insecure and seeking answers outside of herself. If she was able to act in her best interest and she knows that you don't want a future with her, there is no way she would be talking to you or having sex with you because she would be trying to find someone else where the feeling is mutual. She's not because she's desperate, and that desperation is "boring" because you're in control of it. You don't admire her, and she doesn't inspire you.
TBH, it seems like the best thing you could do for both of you would be to "break up" with her and move on. You're enabling her dependence and she can't ever learn the lessons she needs from you because of the nature of your relationship. And you're missing out on exploring other options and other women that you could feel excited about.
And as for knowing "the one", the first step is to follow your attraction. If a girl really excites you, follow that feeling and pursue her to get to know her. However, you won't know she's "the one" until several months after being exclusive with her, because by then you'll have hopefully learned something about who she is that you admire and that inspires you. The initial attraction will fade greatly over time, but the memories of those feelings will always be there to make your heart skip a beat sometimes when you see her, and that combined with the admiration and inspiration is what makes her "the one".
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You are probably right. My main pet peeve is that whether I say goodbye or sleep with her, rhe issues will remain. I can walk away from a burning building, but it will still be burning.
So yeah, sometimes I think if we hit it off pretty good and shes up for sex, then why not? Other times the cracks in her are way too apparent, and I either can not or do not want to help her, as it would give her the false hope that I am there 24/7.
Sex or not, I am already better off by meeting her. Huge confidence boost, plus made me realize that I would most likely be the same nazi personality in a relationship as my father was in his, which is not exactly promising, but at least I got a heads up.
Also, my performance in bed improved. Finally I could experience being "the guy who finishes after two minutes" instead of being "the guy who cant finish, get frustrated, loses his boner, wants to drown himself". I knew it was in my head, but it still surprised me. If I wanted to act like a (medical) professional, I'd say being the asshole who screws around with other girls, while kinda seeing someone gave me spme selfish/evil confidence. Not that it was forbidden for any of ud to meet others, but still, dick move(s).
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Confidence is good, but just keep in mind the longer you're keeping her around, the more harm it's doing for her in the long run. She needs to learn how to be single in life first before getting in a relationship, as do we all.
Self-awareness is great too. A big chunk of managing long-term relationships is managing yourself and discovering how your opinions and behaviors are actually manifested and interpreted by your partner, and altering accordingly, while being patient with your partner doing the same. It's not easy, which is why the admiration/inspiration is so important because it serves as your motivation to keep going.
I've been in your situation in the past and one of the few regrets I have in my life is allowing it to happen to her detriment. It is what it is though.
I will tell you though that when you find a girl worth being with, she won't tolerate the whole "seeing other people while we date" thing =P TBH, if you even feel like that's something you want to do with a girl, then that girl's probably not for you.
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What do you guys think about "opening" up a monogamic relationship in certain ways? Recipe for disaster or a real option?
Im interested to hear what other people think about it because my girlfriend recently asked me about it. She is bi (I'm hetero) but never had any sexual contact with other woman, and she'd like to experience that part of her sexuality as well. She said it would just be physical and she doesn't want another "emotional" relationship besides with me, just a way for her to experience that part of her sexuality.
Currently I'm leaning towards allowing it for one time or a certain period of time like a few weeks (I think I wouldnt want her to have sexual contact with other woman possibly anytime, anywhere all the time). We are together for almost 2 years now and we have quite a "deep"/"firm" relationship, so I think/hope it would not change too much and we continue while she is happier. But then there are also some voices in my head that warn me that once she tries it she possibly likes it so much that she cannot go without it or that she'll become full-on lesbian or that she might fall in love with a woman despite it being just physical.
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