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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18866 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-08-04 23:00:58
August 04 2017 23:00 GMT
#18801
I had a lot of luck with okcupid a few years ago, not sure if it's any good still.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 04 2017 23:57 GMT
#18802
I don't think you should discount any medium to meet new people. Sure Tinder is used a lot for hook ups, just like many people you meet while going out are more interested in something casual. Doesn't mean there aren't some gems in there. I strongly believe it's about spreading your chances and trying a lot. So try OKcupid, Tinder, nightclubs, bookclubs, whatever.
LegalLord
Profile Blog Joined April 2013
United States13779 Posts
August 05 2017 00:09 GMT
#18803
My personal experience is that people are generally quite reflective of the environment in which you meet them. It's certainly nice to have the idea of "meet anyone, anywhere, whenever you have the chance" but the reality is that we are beings of finite energy and it's best to put that to use in the most efficient way possible. A website where most folk are there for hookups and the entire atmosphere is based on making snap judgments based on superficial characteristics... not really the right environment for finding people. Sure, you may get lucky but you're not playing the odds if you pour your energy into that.
History will sooner or later sweep the European Union away without mercy.
IgnE
Profile Joined November 2010
United States7681 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-08-05 01:27:31
August 05 2017 01:26 GMT
#18804
might just be me but i dont really buy the idea that people are either "looking for a hookup" or "looking for a long term partner." if you have chemistry and it works it wont matter where you met them. the only real difference i can see is that maybe on tinder people are willing to meet and hook up w people that they wouldnt if they knew they couldnt just ghost on them afterwards. that is, if they met in an "organic" community and the chemistry/attraction was only lukewarm, they might not fuck the other person at all because they knew it wasnt going anywhere from the beginning. so tinder can be seen as a "hookup culture" only because in some sense standards are lower and so one party is going to more often be disappointed it didnt go anywhere in those circumstances. i think the better way of looking at it however is that you can meet a lot of people some who you might hook up w that would never happen in other circumstances and some who you really connect with.

LL seems pretty pessimistic about women in general which i think informs his view on this topic
The unrealistic sound of these propositions is indicative, not of their utopian character, but of the strength of the forces which prevent their realization.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 05 2017 02:19 GMT
#18805
People often don't really know what truly triggers them in a relationship. In my view you have no business being too selective if you don't have at least 20 partners under your belt.

For example, if someone says they wanna date someone who goes out a lot. Well have you tried dating someone like that? Maybe someone with different habits will make you discover yourself in entirely new ways. If you have a click with someone, go for it. Don't rationalize your way out of it.
Ghostcom
Profile Joined March 2010
Denmark4783 Posts
August 05 2017 02:48 GMT
#18806
How do you define "partner"?
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 05 2017 03:10 GMT
#18807
Anything from hook up to dating.
LegalLord
Profile Blog Joined April 2013
United States13779 Posts
August 05 2017 03:30 GMT
#18808
On August 05 2017 11:19 B.I.G. wrote:
if you don't have at least 20 partners under your belt

Every person is different of course, but at some point that almost starts to look like adverse selection. 20 is a lot.
History will sooner or later sweep the European Union away without mercy.
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
August 05 2017 03:35 GMT
#18809
I'm not saying everyone has to date at least that many, I'm just arguing that if you don't have significant dating experience you're not doing yourself any favors by excluding people based on "arbitrary" requirements.
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-08-05 08:03:25
August 05 2017 08:01 GMT
#18810
Tinder isn't only for hook ups, at least not where I live. I've met up with 25+ from there now, and I'd say roughly 50% of the girls have wanted a serious relationship. Tinder is what you make it. I hardly think OKCupid or any other app is better either, a person who has okcupid probably has tinder as well.

If you use tinder as an introduction service you will be fine. Talk until you have established that there is an interest from her then ask her out on a casual date. I don't agree with the "entire atmosphere is based on making snap judgments based on superficial characteristics" aspect either. It makes you sound like everyone on tinder is the most shallow asshole ever when in fact you're doing the same snap judgements in the real world as well. It might be more obvious since you swipe right or left though.

Morever, unless you have great pictures and you are pretty funny tinder can be rough. You will match with far fewer girls than you imagine most likely. And they will stop talking to you for no reason whatsoever. Some people do not seem to be able to handle that.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
Six.Strings
Profile Joined July 2017
48 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-08-05 13:13:19
August 05 2017 13:07 GMT
#18811
On August 05 2017 08:57 B.I.G. wrote:
I don't think you should discount any medium to meet new people. Sure Tinder is used a lot for hook ups, just like many people you meet while going out are more interested in something casual. Doesn't mean there aren't some gems in there. I strongly believe it's about spreading your chances and trying a lot. So try OKcupid, Tinder, nightclubs, bookclubs, whatever.


Yeah, Tinder is a really mixed bag.

In Ireland, it's like a meat market, and when you match with a girl they usually just ask you "how tall are you, how big is your penis, do you have a car?" and when they like your answer, you get an address.

Back home, I actually met my GF on Tinder and now she's moving in.


> Morever, unless you have great pictures and you are pretty funny tinder can be rough. You will match with far fewer girls than you imagine most likely.

Totally not true for me. I'm not great looking and I'm short, but around 40% of all swipes were matches. You just have to limit your swipes to like ten a day, then you get girls who swiped you first.

> And they will stop talking to you for no reason whatsoever.

That's absolutely true. You think a convo is going well and suddenly she's never heard from again. Just don't underestimate how much competition you have. You can be a great match, but you're likely only one match out of a hundred (or a thousand, if she shows cleavage), so the golden rule is: don't take it personal.

And don't be weak. Don't message them twice in a row, don't be mad when they reject you. Stay classy, unmatch, move on.
Ghostcom
Profile Joined March 2010
Denmark4783 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-08-05 13:53:52
August 05 2017 13:53 GMT
#18812
On August 05 2017 12:35 B.I.G. wrote:
I'm not saying everyone has to date at least that many, I'm just arguing that if you don't have significant dating experience you're not doing yourself any favors by excluding people based on "arbitrary" requirements.


According to your definitions I didn't even have one partner before I made it an arbitrary requirement that the girl shouldn't be a drug addict (that was partly a joke). I get what you are saying, but it's a very weird thing to try and make a general rule about when someone will know what they look for in a relationship depending on number of random hook-ups they've had.
evilfatsh1t
Profile Joined October 2010
Australia8912 Posts
August 05 2017 14:42 GMT
#18813
On August 05 2017 22:07 Six.Strings wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 05 2017 08:57 B.I.G. wrote:
I don't think you should discount any medium to meet new people. Sure Tinder is used a lot for hook ups, just like many people you meet while going out are more interested in something casual. Doesn't mean there aren't some gems in there. I strongly believe it's about spreading your chances and trying a lot. So try OKcupid, Tinder, nightclubs, bookclubs, whatever.


Yeah, Tinder is a really mixed bag.

In Ireland, it's like a meat market, and when you match with a girl they usually just ask you "how tall are you, how big is your penis, do you have a car?" and when they like your answer, you get an address.

Back home, I actually met my GF on Tinder and now she's moving in.


> Morever, unless you have great pictures and you are pretty funny tinder can be rough. You will match with far fewer girls than you imagine most likely.

Totally not true for me. I'm not great looking and I'm short, but around 40% of all swipes were matches. You just have to limit your swipes to like ten a day, then you get girls who swiped you first.

> And they will stop talking to you for no reason whatsoever.

That's absolutely true. You think a convo is going well and suddenly she's never heard from again. Just don't underestimate how much competition you have. You can be a great match, but you're likely only one match out of a hundred (or a thousand, if she shows cleavage), so the golden rule is: don't take it personal.

And don't be weak. Don't message them twice in a row, don't be mad when they reject you. Stay classy, unmatch, move on.

wtf?
did #freesixstrings work
Six.Strings
Profile Joined July 2017
48 Posts
August 05 2017 15:02 GMT
#18814
> #freesixstrings

Lol, that's gold. Thanks for resurrecting me. I've sworn off the roasties and I'm back stronger than ever before.
Ben...
Profile Joined January 2011
Canada3485 Posts
August 06 2017 03:27 GMT
#18815
I've decided to get back into dating after a pretty long break (Last girl I dated seemed really promising at first and then turned out to be really dull and soured me on dating for a bit). I deleted and remade my Tinder account and suddenly I feel like I never have anyone to match for some reason despite it being a new account. It's not that I don't have matches, it's that I get maybe 10-15 people to swipe a day and then it just sits on the screen with the circles if you tap your picture.

I also signed up for Bumble just out of curiosity (Bumble is that Tinder-like app that has the difference in that the girl has to message first). Most of the people on it are the same, but other than that it's a bunch of boring basic people. That app also makes the funny point that for as much as I see women complain about guys on Tinder just saying "hey", I have only had one person say something to me other than "hey" to start a conversation.
"Cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide" -Tastosis
WarSame
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Canada1950 Posts
August 06 2017 04:10 GMT
#18816
They are superficial, short profiles, with fast, throw-away conversations. Being basic is the best strategy for them, so don't be surprised that everyone is basic.
Can it be I stayed away too long? Did you miss these rhymes while I was gone?
Acrofales
Profile Joined August 2010
Spain18375 Posts
August 06 2017 07:53 GMT
#18817
On August 05 2017 23:42 evilfatsh1t wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 05 2017 22:07 Six.Strings wrote:
On August 05 2017 08:57 B.I.G. wrote:
I don't think you should discount any medium to meet new people. Sure Tinder is used a lot for hook ups, just like many people you meet while going out are more interested in something casual. Doesn't mean there aren't some gems in there. I strongly believe it's about spreading your chances and trying a lot. So try OKcupid, Tinder, nightclubs, bookclubs, whatever.


Yeah, Tinder is a really mixed bag.

In Ireland, it's like a meat market, and when you match with a girl they usually just ask you "how tall are you, how big is your penis, do you have a car?" and when they like your answer, you get an address.

Back home, I actually met my GF on Tinder and now she's moving in.


> Morever, unless you have great pictures and you are pretty funny tinder can be rough. You will match with far fewer girls than you imagine most likely.

Totally not true for me. I'm not great looking and I'm short, but around 40% of all swipes were matches. You just have to limit your swipes to like ten a day, then you get girls who swiped you first.

> And they will stop talking to you for no reason whatsoever.

That's absolutely true. You think a convo is going well and suddenly she's never heard from again. Just don't underestimate how much competition you have. You can be a great match, but you're likely only one match out of a hundred (or a thousand, if she shows cleavage), so the golden rule is: don't take it personal.

And don't be weak. Don't message them twice in a row, don't be mad when they reject you. Stay classy, unmatch, move on.

wtf?
did #freesixstrings work

He was "unofficially" here as DmcF all along. It's nice to see him reclaim his Nick, but unless the stories start flowing again, it is but a shadow of his former self.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're in a happy relationship. But it was a lot more hilarious for the rest of us when you weren't
RvB
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Netherlands6295 Posts
August 06 2017 08:04 GMT
#18818
Did he just get nuked again?
evilfatsh1t
Profile Joined October 2010
Australia8912 Posts
August 06 2017 11:21 GMT
#18819
guess #freesixstrings didnt really work after all
Volband
Profile Joined March 2011
Hungary6034 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-08-07 06:39:16
August 07 2017 06:18 GMT
#18820
I'm gonna lose my marbles. Damn! I started to type out another story, but fuck lenovo and their no good, useless, always malfunctioning keyboard. Might finish it later, once I break that piece of....

Anyway, it's not the main reason I'm getting crazy. Met this girl 4 times in 2 weeks, nice dates, you might read about it once I finish the story. Summary is that I am not looking for a relationship (she is aware), but it's still more serious than a regular hookup. We haven't been together, though the plans for it are laid out. Marvelous, right? NO.

She went to a camp/seminarium for 4 days where she couldn't use her phone, cuh its forbidden. She studies to be a nurse in a university, and she told me this camp is about alternate healing, energies and stuff. I mocked her jokingly, you know, calling it a wizard-course and whatnot. Still, yoga and meditation works, so they might teach her some fancy massage or idk. Might be legit, right? NOOOOOOO.

Since my lenovo keyboard told me to fuck off (fuck you too, lenovo keyboard), I insisted on calling for the first time ever. I got curious, and asked her what exactly is the name of this... something. I looked it up and a potentially funny and energizing (heh) conversation plummeted into disdain. This is a fucking hoax!! Levels of reincarnation, levels within this shit, and you can become a "certified" healer, but you can only possess abilities based on your rank. If you are at rank 3, then you can probably just heal cancer, but a mere rank 2 peon can't. You actually need to level up through courses. ITS A REAL LIFE MMO FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!

She told me that this one course was enough for her and she asked for this as a gift from her parents. Yeah, she says that now, but either way, she believed enough to go!!!!! And she still believes in it, but for our own sake I stopped asking questions and got off the phone asap.

Yes, Im a skeptical monkey, but aside from liking to argue stuff, I can tolerate other views. Leftist or rightist, buddhist or christian, whatever. But this... no.

I'm sure the consensus will be "if she loves it then just accept it and move on", but dont tell me you could kiss a flat-earther with good taste. Ah.

It's a scheme, and it is so obvious that it annoys me to no end. But I'd feel bad to just ignore it and pretend its fine, but I'd also feel bad if I took away someone's fake cookie.

Edit: the closest stuff i coukd find in english was some Webber dude who is a riki master or sth. Cant believe im typing this shit
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