EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 651
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
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unsaeglich
260 Posts
Also the cooking stuff was sort of a joke, since I a cooked horribly coz I was so nervous, coz i can't multitask first date talking and concentrate on cooking. also my issue isn't beeing direct. I slaped a girls ass at a mediocre party and she later jumped into my arms. The next morning she told me it was good I did that, because girls also need signs that guys are attracted to them. (hah femminists xD, stay on the internet) My issue is that I can't get a talking date outside ( park,cafe, etc--) into something more, unless I am very sure the girl wants me anyway. | ||
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On July 07 2015 18:32 unsaeglich wrote: I asked the girl if she would kiss me, said no. I told her that I made her foood, brought her wine, or so.. and she was like.. yeah,.. maybe, then I leaned and we made out.. Hopefully the phrasing was a lot better to her than above because that sounds awful. It sounds as though you expect kisses because you are nice to a girl. If a guy buys you lunch and shouts you a beer does that mean he should be able to kiss you? =\ On July 07 2015 18:53 SixStrings wrote: You ASKED her if she wanted to kiss you? I'm assuming you're not American, so you can just kiss someone on a date without it being considered rape. Just go for it, if she pulls back the date is over, if she leans into it you're golden. I've a friend who had been on a few dates with this girl who was about to go overseas for a couple of weeks. And being a nice guy he went to drop her off at the airport gave her a hug and asked if he could kiss her before she left. She declined and later mentioned (to me, not him) the fact he asked was quite unattractive and the turning point of their short dating period. Weirdly enough she actually wanted him to kiss her but according to her the fact he asked was awful. It's really dependent on the girl involved though as I do have friends that occasionally think it's sweet/cute that a guy asks. All that said in my personal experience asking is not a good thing and neither is waiting more than three dates (and that's already considered pushing it). | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
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unsaeglich
260 Posts
On July 07 2015 20:34 SixStrings wrote: Asking to kiss someone is handing her your balls in a piggy bag, at least in my experience. Of course there are exceptions to any rule, but most girls will find it weird to get asked to be kissed. ofcourses it's weird. But I made her weird compliments about her ass all day and she didn't mind. We drank some wine, and had fun, with the "guilt" about my shitty cooking I was just teasing anyway. Yesterday I started a conversation with a part time worker at the reception whoI saw for the first time because I only work here for 1 month. My Problem was sort of akward, because I shit such a nice saussage, that it got stuck in the toilett, no matter how often I tried flushing it down. I don't know, we had a lot of fun talking for the next 30 min, looking forward seeing here the next time. Some people are just sort of weird I guess. I don't care too much. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
Dating to me means, you want to get an idea what kind of a person your date is, while seducing means you want to get physical. Dating can lead to seduction, but to me it shouldnt be the focus of it. A partner to me is like a close friend with something on top of the whole friendship-thing, therefore the physical stuff comes a bit lower on my priorities. I understand that you can use it to get a hold of it first, but that isnt really an option for me. I am very carefull with stuff like kissing or sex, not because I am uptight, but because those things mean more to me than just something that feels good. It s a way to reflect intimacy and trust. If I kissed a girl or had sex with her, that means I trust her in a big way, that she means a lot to me and that she can trust me aswell. I know that not a lot of people have such a strict view on it, but I feel like I would devalue it otherwise and to me, it means a lot that I never gotten intimate with a girl without being serious about seeing potential in her. Intimacy and fondness to me is something, that I can offer to my partner, and that has a special meaning, even though she might see it differently, to me it is still important. I want her to be able to truly feel special. I value certain gestures and things like promises and being trustworthy very highly, therefore I dont usem them as carelessly as others. Another problem why getting physical first wont work for me, ist that physical atraction dont kick in until I know someone for some reason. I dont watch porn and dont masturbate furiously but still, I never felt the drive to approach a women because of her looks. Its not that I dont care about looks at all, Its just that I cant really feel attracted to someone that I dont know. When I see a pretty women, I sure recognize her, but its like seeing a beatiful pice of art. You recognize and admire its undenieable beauty, have your own opinions about certain aspects of percepted beauty and thats it. A few of my female friends often ask me about their looks because of that, If one of them asks me how her butt looks she gets an honest opinion, but it ends there. I dont know how to proerly phrase it, but I am just not the guy you can hang out with and talk about how hot part X of women Y bodie is. If she is attractive I sure can admit it, but I have come to the realization that this mostly means something else than that what the others say/that I talk about that kind of stuff on a different level than most of my friends(note that I dont nececarly mean that its on a higher/lower level). Every women can be beautiful in soemn way since beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, but I am not foolish enough to think I could find any women beautiful. However, when I get attracted towards the personality of a women, I also start to find her body attracting, while at the same time her bodie loses his attractiveness when my attraction towards her personality is gone. I can be sure of that because I have some examples of ex-girlfirends who are definetly attractive, but when our relationship ended, they where phisically just as attractive as everyone else, despite them still being as pretty as before. So in conclusion, even if I would care less about the gesture itself, for some reason I still had to force myself to kiss someone on the first date, just because I wont feel the desire to do so. The usual displayed approach of just approaching a women that seems interesting doesnt work for me, because either I wont be interested in someone that I dont know, or I would be interested in her because some of her character traits, but would still need some time to get to know her better. If stuff really works like you guys say, the only real chance I have is to try dating people that are already in my circle of friends, which limits my options even more. My way has worked out in the past, but the more I read this thread, the more I get the feel that I just got incredible lucky. Just to be sure, I am not homosexual, I am definitely attracted to women, and yeah, sex with someone you love is awesome, its just that I seem to view certain things a little bit to strict/in a different way than some of you guys in here. It also starting to make me feel weird, especially the inability to have real physical attraction from the beginning lol. | ||
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farvacola
United States18846 Posts
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unsaeglich
260 Posts
 one last thing then I ll keep out of here for a while. Waffelz, I didn't want to say that there is a right or wrong way. To me it's sometimes quickly clear who I want to be with, and it doesn't have to do with looks a lot (and it doesn't happen often). After my last and best relationship ended I tried to quickly to have same level with someone else, which couldn't work, the fault is mine. Also I gave zero advice in any of my posts  I am just clueless in regards of dating, like the titel says "how's the luck". Ever changing. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On July 07 2015 22:21 farvacola wrote: Take all of that over-essentialized bullshit advice with a grain of salt. I've talked to women months before making a physical move and it hasn't proven an issue. So don't let the relationship pursuing habits of others unduly influence what you know to be the way you like making contact with the opposite sex. Just keep at it, and above all else, keep dialogue open! +1 | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
I know that I often have contrary/outdated morals and beliefs, so I am a little bit scared that once again, I get screwed by myself Also, dont feel like you cant post because of me unsaeglich, I wasnt asking whats right or wrong, I just tried to give a reason why the whole thing alarmed me, without sounding like some way-out of touch idiot who prays about the true meaning of love ;-) | ||
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loft
United States344 Posts
On July 07 2015 17:11 iloveav wrote: Im at 7 years and counting (Very bad break up). I have no problems taking it to the bedroom, you just do (easiest for me is to put some movie or something and make sure it has one, max two sex scenes, from there, its actually downhill). My problem however is that I dont trust any of the girls that I end up in bed with so in fact, I dont want to get laid with them. And even thou there are a lot of very good looking girls, believe it or not, every single one I get to know has the same warning signs as my EX had when I met her (ofc I saw them but I ignored them since I liked her too much). Lucky for me my hormones must have gone down since I dont lose my mind anymore and am able to hit the breaks before I fall off the cliff of love again. This guy gets it. | ||
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InFluenza
Netherlands55 Posts
Almost thought that my holiday (3 months long after school) would be more than just playing games in my room, but no. I've written this post during qeue time between games  | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On July 08 2015 03:34 InFluenza wrote: So I almost had my first date. A girl asked me to go to the cinema (texted me), but after I texted back yes and asked where exactly and when, she didn't text me back and after I reminded her a week after she asked me she said it wasn't a good idea after all. Almost thought that my holiday (3 months long after school) would be more than just playing games in my room, but no. I've written this post during qeue time between games Ouch. Not your fault, probably just second thoughts on her part. Didn't even say why? Just "Nah I don't feel like it"? | ||
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InFluenza
Netherlands55 Posts
On July 08 2015 03:49 [UoN]Sentinel wrote: Ouch. Not your fault, probably just second thoughts on her part. Didn't even say why? Just "Nah I don't feel like it"? I asked her why and she said something along the lines of ''I just don't think it will work''. Also, she's someone who goes out every weekend and hooks up with guys all the time and I've never gone out and the idea of having a new girl every week kinda disgusts me. I'll be going to university in 2 months and I'm hoping that I can find a good girl there. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On July 08 2015 03:55 InFluenza wrote: I asked her why and she said something along the lines of ''I just don't think it will work''. Also, she's someone who goes out every weekend and hooks up with guys all the time and I've never gone out and the idea of having a new girl every week kinda disgusts me. I'll be going to university in 2 months and I'm hoping that I can find a good girl there. Yeah she just got bored. University is nice. Either way you'll find exactly what you're looking for, no matter what you're looking for there. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On July 08 2015 03:34 InFluenza wrote: So I almost had my first date. A girl asked me to go to the cinema (texted me), but after I texted back yes and asked where exactly and when, she didn't text me back and after I reminded her a week after she asked me she said it wasn't a good idea after all. Almost thought that my holiday (3 months long after school) would be more than just playing games in my room, but no. I've written this post during qeue time between games just take the initiative next time yourself, pick an appropriate movie and reply "ok cool meet me at X place at X time, looking forward to it!" And then just meet her P.S. Cinema dates suck FYI - invite her for a frozen yogurt instead or something, same works for college | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On July 08 2015 00:28 waffelz wrote: While I am aware that some of the stuff that gets posted here is over-essentialized, it makes sense that in a time where it is so easy to access a big supply of potential partners, one can rightfully say "Why should I invest that amount of time into one person, when I could reach multiple of potential partners with the same effort". I was just curious how common this actually is, since I already noticed this in my social circle and since it would be pretty much incompatible with my way, I am eager to know. I know that I often have contrary/outdated morals and beliefs, so I am a little bit scared that once again, I get screwed by myself Also, dont feel like you cant post because of me unsaeglich, I wasnt asking whats right or wrong, I just tried to give a reason why the whole thing alarmed me, without sounding like some way-out of touch idiot who prays about the true meaning of love ;-) I think the idea is that you invest the time into reaching multiple partners, and then as you get to eventually know a partner that's suitable for you well (and that takes time) you focus more and more on that person until you eventually just have one partner, that you chose among many, and you work on that relationship wholeheartedly Even lots of PUAs eventually got married In practice in the past I've done this: (and a lot of guys do this I'm certain) - I've just got with one girl, invested in working on the relationship right from the get go, and then it took loads of time to realize it was dumb to work on it in the first place as we were a shitty match, and you just cannot know in the first few weeks with a person. And the way to circumvent this "yay I got a girlfriend" blindness is to simply date more women at start until you meet and get to know the right one | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Going to try to go for the kiss in the end of the date at least if it doesn't happen earlier. Will probably die from anxiety the seconds before. On July 08 2015 04:48 LemOn wrote:P.S. Cinema dates suck FYI - invite her for a frozen yogurt instead or something, same works for college ;____; Don't say that ;( | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On my date a year ago (2nd one too) I got the same idea, and thought I have to make a move. I was just brushing hair off her head like 10 times like an idiot, trying awkward touching etc, what a fail. The girl like really liked me so ended up sealing the deal anyways, but it took many hours longer than if I just sat there and enjoyed the movie. And did nothing. I'd personally go for the hug before cinema or just flat out tell her she looks gorgeous etc. so your intentions are clear when you go to it just sit there, enjoy the movie, leave your hand on her handrest just in case and then make sure you go get drinks afterwards "hey let's discuss the movie" and proceed as usual. EDIT: I guess sharing popcorn might be a good idea for some opportunities ? but just forget about the pressure to make "a move" and have a good time. I don't take girls to a cinema, period tho, if a movie, then at my place | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On July 08 2015 04:58 bloodwhore~ wrote: I'm going to the cinema for our second date tomorrow. We're watching Minions (if anyone cares). I'm not really sure what to do on a cinema date, am I supposed to try to make some sort of move while we are watching or is there anything else I should keep in mind? Should I try to hold her hand or something like that? Going to try to go for the kiss in the end of the date at least if it doesn't happen earlier. Will probably die from anxiety the seconds before. ;____; Don't say that ;( For second date is ok. Definitely not for first date, it's kinda awkward when both of you are not speaking and distracted by something else (the movie). | ||
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