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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
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On July 08 2015 19:02 Milkymilky wrote:
So I have been lurking these forums for so long and never posted anything before. Recently I took an interest in this thread because of my own situation.
So my brother started seeing this girl a few months ago. Since then I also started talking with this girl a lot more often. We knew each other before but never really got to know each other. She is totally into my brother and even quit smoking because my brother hates smoking. She is ready to commit to a relationship. My brother on the other hand wants to be free and just hook up whenever he feels like. He even told me (as brothers sometimes do) that she isn’t the only girl he is seeing at the moment.
This bothers me to the point where I guess it is obvious I have feelings for her. I mean, I enjoy talking and spending time with her. I certainly disapprove of my brother his choices, but I also can’t come in between him and this girl (even when he isn’t serious). I love my brother and wouldn’t do anything to ruin our bond. So I decided for myself that I just have to move on.
The problem is that I live together with my brother... so it makes it hard to move on when I get confronted with the situation so often.
Any advice?
Move on imo - there's plenty of girls out there I see no reason why make it this complicated
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On July 08 2015 19:14 Yoz wrote:
Thanks. It seems to be going well so far. All that's left is to get married and convince her to let me raise progamer kids =D
I've no idea who you are or how old you are. And perhaps this is an overshare on the internet but a few years ago I discussed with a close female friend how interesting it is how markedly our viewpoints had changed:
~18: Cannot understand why people engage in casual sex. Gross.
~21: Can understand why people engage in casual sex. Couldn't do it myself.
~23: Can understand why people engage in casual sex. Could probably do it myself.
I've just picked arbitrary ages. You get the point though. It went from completely not understanding it to understanding and wanting it.
I am 25 now but am not sure about my thought about that given those age-stages. I guess with 18 I already was at "Can understand why people engage in casual sex. Could probably do it myself, but doesnt seem worth it" and stayed there.
About the kids: You dont have to convince her, there is no alternative. You seem to be a programmer, you will be their parent-class therefore they share methods and attribute with you. Its inevitable. Explain her that the only thing she can do is to overwrite certain attributes like "prefered_language = c++" with something along the lines of "prefered_language = python". She can also add attributes or methods, but other than that, she's screwed since programming is unisex and therefore definetly included. Just never refere to anything as "abstract", she might be upset about that. Best way to show this: "Why do you need an {abstract} partner-class?!" 
On July 08 2015 19:14 Yoz wrote:
I've no real statistical basis for saying this but I'd imagine overall you're in a much better position attempting to hug/kiss a girl within three dates than leaving intimacy out for three dates. I'd imagine around date five is the point where you are really starting to hit a wall and the girl is questioning why nothing has happened.
Of course like everything as long as you explain yourself properly you can probably avoid that requirement.
I'm curious though, based on your experience:
a) At what point would you want to kiss the girl?
b) At what point would you be comfortable kissing the girl?
a) Depends. Fastest time so far was after a couple of month. You have to take into account though that it pretty much always was a case of knowing eachother already or in that specific case, knowing each other for that amount of time and not nececarly dating but just having a good time together. All my relationships so far started with just being friends before. I propably just came to the realisation that I never "really" dated someone, or at least I wasnt aware.
b) Dificult question. If you mean at what point I could do(would dare) it, I would say pretty much immediately. Its just not my style, but if its nececary, it would be something I could change, another reason for my initial question. If the question is at what point I am comfortable in terms of thinking its the right/appropiate thing, I honestly dont know. Since I cant imagine the desire to kiss someone that soon, I cant estimate at which point someone else would want me to kiss her.
I assume my focus is to much on the endgame of finding someone that suits you which you can build a stable relationship with and therefore miss some vital steps you need to break the ice, since I never had to worry about them.
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On July 08 2015 19:48 waffelz wrote:About the kids: You dont have to convince her, there is no alternative. You seem to be a programmer, you will be their parent-class therefore they share methods and attribute with you. Its inevitable. Explain her that the only thing she can do is to overwrite certain attributes like "prefered_language = c++" with something along the lines of "prefered_language = python". She can also add attributes or methods, but other than that, she's screwed since programming is unisex and therefore definetly included. Just never refere to anything as "abstract", she might be upset about that. Best way to show this: "Why do you need an {abstract} partner-class?!"
Nuu. I want pro-gamer kids. Not programmer kids =P
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ups... rules still apply. She can only influence the choice of games then.
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On July 08 2015 19:14 Yoz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 08 2015 18:45 waffelz wrote:Congratulations, I really hope it works out for you  . Dont worry about sounding like a dick, I am used to that, especially when trying to explain myself in another language. Just think about it like this: Just like you seem to have problems to understand how I can be that way, just because I am and not because of some bullshit reasons/to sound pure and cool, I cant understand the almost immediate desire to get physical with someone. Simply two different ways to view things without any judgement but with some occacional confusement on my part Thanks. It seems to be going well so far. All that's left is to get married and convince her to let me raise progamer kids =D I've no idea who you are or how old you are. And perhaps this is an overshare on the internet but a few years ago I discussed with a close female friend how interesting it is how markedly our viewpoints had changed: ~18: Cannot understand why people engage in casual sex. Gross. ~21: Can understand why people engage in casual sex. Couldn't do it myself. ~23: Can understand why people engage in casual sex. Could probably do it myself. I've just picked arbitrary ages. You get the point though. It went from completely not understanding it to understanding and wanting it. Show nested quote +On July 08 2015 18:45 waffelz wrote:
The female friends I can seriously discuss such things with are unfortunately very far from being the usual norm since most of them come from foreign cultures and are heavily influenced by that. Also, they would be a small sample size. The ealier expectation of intimacy you talked about is exactly what making me ask that question in the first place. The number of women do matter, bekause if a very high percentage is prone to move on if nothing happens after a certain amount of time, the chance of succeding with being as slow as I am is vastly lower, especially if you arent surrounded by women. I've no real statistical basis for saying this but I'd imagine overall you're in a much better position attempting to hug/kiss a girl within three dates than leaving intimacy out for three dates. I'd imagine around date five is the point where you are really starting to hit a wall and the girl is questioning why nothing has happened. Of course like everything as long as you explain yourself properly you can probably avoid that requirement. I'm curious though, based on your experience: a) At what point would you want to kiss the girl? b) At what point would you be comfortable kissing the girl?
what point you would want to kiss a girl seems like, i dunno when things get kinda quiet and you two are just kind of looking at each other. I think it varies from girl to girl though, some i have spent almost an entire night before i attempted to kiss, and others we ended up being all over each other fairly early and ive had a couple who just went for it themselves right as soon as i got there(that is kinda weird tho, wouldnt bank on that happening very often)
my most recent ex was after a couple of hours when she was to quote her "just looking at me" i said fuck im going for it and it ended up working out, even though later she admitted she wasnt ready for it but wasnt going to say no.
i dunno though, for me i feel like i will set a goal depending on how much me and her and have talked, some its a hug others its a kiss, it just really depends, like i said no two girls are the same.
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On July 08 2015 18:26 LemOn wrote:Okay guys Birthday present ideas? I'll be dating the girl for 4.5 months at that point, she turns 21 On 3rd date she (as usual) didn't know where we're going, and then realized Ikea's close. So she stopped abruptly started bobbing her head and scrabbling with her leg wildly saying "Oh OOOh, can we go to Ikea, can we CAN WE?" I've called her horsie ever since here and there - tell her jokingly to not get startled when we are going down a hill etc,. I've never given her flowers/presents whatsoever. Plan is to do as much stuff of her perfect day she told me about some 5 weeks back (that I wrote down). And give her Either these - high quality silver earrings, bought in store so I can ask for nice packaging ![[image loading]](http://i.gyazo.com/8a0389bf6fb0363b751b6b30c91527e5.png) Or this: A bit Cheaper rhodium Swarovski Elements crystals, not sure how nice the box will be as they are from an online retailer ![[image loading]](http://i.gyazo.com/9bb4f046e5be16a22b66b8fe3a852fbd.png) And that's pretty much it - no flowers, I want to buy her flowers when I feel like it so it's spontaneous/unexpected since I told her I don't buy girls flowers. I'll just take her for steak which she loves, and pay for the activity based day. 1) Which one of the two would you go for( Or both?) 2) Can I get away with no flowers - she specifically told me she likes tulips in week4, but I'd rather prefer that to be spontaneous, "just because" gesture down the line. Edit: hahah oh my god these are awesome ![[image loading]](http://i.gyazo.com/aed44cfd430ce3449ae8faf457edae06.png)
Combining Ikea and the horse theme:
![[image loading]](http://www.ikea.com/us/en/images/products/ekorre-rocking-moose-red__21389_PE106307_S4.JPG)
In all seriousness, jewelry seems fine without flowers.
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Weeeee!
The date was today. Talked a lot, saw the movie, talked some more. Didn't ask her to go drinking since she had to go to bed early (she was babysitting someone). On the train station she asked me if I wanted to see her again, said yes and went to go to my train thought "fuck u little cunt u said u were gonna kiss her" then I turned around and kissed her before I went on it. Talked more on text later and she wants to see me on sunday !
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On July 09 2015 07:20 bloodwhore~ wrote:Weeeee! The date was today. Talked a lot, saw the movie, talked some more. Didn't ask her to go drinking since she had to go to bed early (she was babysitting someone). On the train station she asked me if I wanted to see her again, said yes and went to go to my train thought "fuck u little cunt u said u were gonna kiss her" then I turned around and kissed her before I went on it. Talked more on text later and she wants to see me on sunday !
11/10 because kiss
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There is something about kissing a girl for the first time that is amazing. It's a great feeling, isn't it? 
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On July 09 2015 07:20 bloodwhore~ wrote:Weeeee! The date was today. Talked a lot, saw the movie, talked some more. Didn't ask her to go drinking since she had to go to bed early (she was babysitting someone). On the train station she asked me if I wanted to see her again, said yes and went to go to my train thought "fuck u little cunt u said u were gonna kiss her" then I turned around and kissed her before I went on it. Talked more on text later and she wants to see me on sunday !
![[image loading]](http://static1.squarespace.com/static/514f83a6e4b0e2959600fda1/t/515efc8ee4b0875140cc44be/1365179556381/FE-Heart-Fireworks.png)
That's a really good sign that she asked herself, also that movie date worked out - what'd you do during the movie? :D
you just going for it is great too!
Now make sure you up set a specific time + place for Sunday, tell her you're looking forward to seeing her+get off the phone.
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gj mate !!
I continued talking to the girl at the receiption (who I opened up to with my toilett problem). Pretty sure we're going to have a date soon, too
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Hehe thanks guys.
On July 09 2015 13:08 WarSame wrote:It's a great feeling, isn't it?
It was, will probably be more enjoyable with a long one. Still smiled like a retard on my way home.
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What's your strategy about girls you're dating meeting your friends and family btw?
When, circumstances etc.
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On July 17 2015 04:48 LemOn wrote:
What's your strategy about girls you're dating meeting your friends and family btw?
When, circumstances etc.
I feel like it should be a natural occurrence. It shouldn't be something that is explicitly setup with the sole purpose of meeting the family. Otherwise it just becomes something that is awkward and stiff and there's lots of questions involved like you're at a job interview. If you are together long enough and you aren't hiding it, you should just naturally meet them someday and introduce yourself. Eventually you will be invited to stuff and it just becomes normal and life goes on.
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My strategy among friends would be to be really close with my SO before I introduce them, I'm a lot different when I'm with my friends. Well at least in the banter department.
Same with family I guess, be comfortable with them and act like it's nothing special. I'm not a guy who takes pretty lightly on stuff like this so I probably wouldn't be bothered. A friend of mine is meeting her gf's parents next weekend and the way he said it made me think he was going to ask them for their blessing (which he won't obv).
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Are you still a virgin? You got the kiss and haven't updated us.
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Yes. Going to her place tomorrow, so maybe not after tomorrow .
Quote from her: "if it gets too late you can always sleep over here, just so you know ".
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You know what to do yeah?
2 steps forward, 1step back. Boldly go where no man has gone before (making out, hand on shirt, hand on thigh, hand under shirt, undo bra etc...)
If she looks at you weird or show you she's not ready, pull away completely wait for her to come to you. Then resume where you left off after a while, be bold, fake confidence  . This game takes a few hours sometimes, and that's just fine - don't rush things. Because you probably will rush one thing you don't have control over, and that's just fine too
gl soldier we're waiting for the report
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On July 17 2015 05:30 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 17 2015 04:48 LemOn wrote:
What's your strategy about girls you're dating meeting your friends and family btw?
When, circumstances etc. I feel like it should be a natural occurrence. It shouldn't be something that is explicitly setup with the sole purpose of meeting the family. Otherwise it just becomes something that is awkward and stiff and there's lots of questions involved like you're at a job interview. If you are together long enough and you aren't hiding it, you should just naturally meet them someday and introduce yourself. Eventually you will be invited to stuff and it just becomes normal and life goes on.
Yeah she bumped into my mum once. When mum was visiting without me knowing, and that was okay.
But like I have 2 pals I haven't seen for 2 years visiting, they are staying for 6 days (both speak English). I will of course go with them to help them out with some pickup first 2 nights - noway I'm inviting her to that.
But How weird it would be if later the 3 of us+her hang out, e.g. for hiking one day. Not really sure about this - we've been going on 1-2 dates per week for over 4 months, strictly together and everything works so well.
So 3 options
1) I will blow off my mates for one night to go on a date with her then join them later
2) Me + my mates will try to pickup 2 chicks in town, try to get them to commit to do stuff one day, that way it's 3chicks + 3 guys, and we'll go hiking or some other stuff.
3) Failing that just ask her to go to town with us - watch them do pickup, tell them what to do/set them missions (that'd be fun actually we're both really creative when it comes to that - she's a massive troll. And I'll show them how it's done on first 2 days so they should at least have to balls to do approaches)
I guess option 3 sounds good when I think about it, we could have stories for a long time after they leave 
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On July 17 2015 06:49 LemOn wrote:
gl soldier we're waiting for the report
Hehe thanks! I have a feeling she will want to, she is the one talking about sending bikini pics and she was the one who started the make-out session when we met the last time.
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EPT
