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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 04 2015 15:32 WarSame wrote:
In my opinion, yep. Love going there, seems like a great place to bring a woman. Gotta base it upon the lady.
It's kind of hard for me to get a grip on a good place because she does the thing where she acts like "tough" in a kind of conceited, distant type of way. That probably sounds a lot worse than it actually is. I'm like 95% sure it's just a facade to not seem easy or desperate.
I really want to go horse racing at night but you have to be 21+, so I'd have to sneak her in.
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Hahah I've done that before. For me it was just an idiotic shield to protect me from showing that I wasn't tough or cool. The zoo seems a good place, but it may be worth it to try to loosen her up. How well do you know her? You could try to say "eh, fuck the pretence, just relax and let's have fun" with more tact if you think you know her well enough. Alternatively, and much more safely, just bring her to the zoo without any of that.
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On July 04 2015 15:43 WarSame wrote:
Hahah I've done that before. For me it was just an idiotic shield to protect me from showing that I wasn't tough or cool. The zoo seems a good place, but it may be worth it to try to loosen her up. How well do you know her? You could try to say "eh, fuck the pretence, just relax and let's have fun" with more tact if you think you know her well enough. Alternatively, and much more safely, just bring her to the zoo without any of that.
Tinder date, going to be my first one with her. From the little I know about her she's actually pretty cool and smart though, which is why she's the first girl from Tinder that I've asked on a date. Since I don't know her very well (and she doesn't know me) I don't want to risk creeping her out by asking to just hang out
It's really a shame that she lives a moderate distance away, goes to a different university, and I met her in a not very socially acceptable context
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At this point Tinder is pretty much acceptable in our generation. Good call not asking her to just hang out. An activity and then following it up with something is a nice idea.
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As I've failed dozens of times to try to date someone, it's become apparent that there's just something wrong with me as a person. Since I don't know what that might be, I can't fix it, so I finally decided to give up on ever finding someone for me.
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On July 04 2015 15:26 Chocolate wrote:
Is a zoo a decent place to take a girl on a date?
She has a decent commute to my area so I don't want to do something short like coffee or ice cream.
1st date from tinder/drunk night out/cold approach into phone number...no.
2nd, 3rd.....Infinite date... Or taking out a girl you know already in person...hell yeah  I haven't done it but it's on the list for sure!
You just want to get laid...always a bar/cocktail/alcohol place 1st.
You want to date..Tell her to meet at X place, then walk her to a cool coffee house/lemonade place/froyo...
Easy exit strategy for both of you, shows no strings, gives you a chance to talk in quiet with eye contact, both can leave after a short time.
It doesn't mean you stay there though, nor that it'll be short as long as you hit it off...After the 1st stop make sure you have 2-3 more places lined up (horse racing one of them - just read the situation, I'd say it's a 3rd+date idea tho as it's risky) and whenever things get stale in one or you start losing momentum...just take her to another one. She's not from your area, so it'll work as you showing her around your favorite places.
The girl I'm dating is always laughing at my hand written torn out pieces of paper with numbered stops with addresses, and travel time between them - it's probably better to memorize them at first tho :D
Our dates last up to 11hours, often starting with a coffee/tea house.
On July 04 2015 15:48 Chocolate wrote:
Since I don't know her very well (and she doesn't know me) I don't want to risk creeping her out by asking to just hang out
t
On the 1st date...Go for the quick hug when you meet her.
And shoot her a sincere compliment ("Oh you are cute in person too" - or whatever you honestly like - just a casual statement works well).
I freaking love playing the game with the girl I'm dating when we're both just like "hey" "nice to meet you sir" "let's go" pretending to be indifferent strangers every time when we meet for a date, and I'd definitely recommend it once you start dating, but on the 1st date making the romantic intent very clear right from the get go just makes things WAY easier.
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On July 04 2015 15:54 plasmidghost wrote:
As I've failed dozens of times to try to date someone, it's become apparent that there's just something wrong with me as a person. Since I don't know what that might be, I can't fix it, so I finally decided to give up on ever finding someone for me.
How'd you fail? What's your history?
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On July 04 2015 15:54 plasmidghost wrote:
As I've failed dozens of times to try to date someone, it's become apparent that there's just something wrong with me as a person. Since I don't know what that might be, I can't fix it, so I finally decided to give up on ever finding someone for me.
That's sad to hear. You don't give much to work with here, but it sounds a bit like you approach with the intention to date, and based on your claim that you've failed dozens of times it almost sounds like you're trying to fill a void inside of you, and that void shouldn't be there, or at least not in a way that makes you feel really unhappy with yourself.
I would suggest that you improve yourself and make a goal to not date anyone the coming week, but rather become a better you in the upcoming 6-12 months and then have a chance for a proper relationship. Do things that YOU want to do. Get a solid group of male friends (assuming you are male) that you can easily hang out with and have a good time. People you can talk with about anything. If you can't do this, then IMHO you don't have a good foundation for a good relationship either. From here you will learn proper social interactions that are not so different from interactions with women.
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Nice thought Ahzz, I like the notion of being perfectly happy with self, and not needing women, but welcoming them in your life to make it even better - without actually Needing anything from them.
I was in a similar situation with women at the start of the year, but took away lots of the neediness and goal orientation I believe.
I actually did this by making dating itself my hobby that satisfied me at one point as I recognized it's an area that hugely influences my life - went on loads of dates with a lot of women, learned approaching, coaching, internet dating, discussed with friends, went out to town, spent a lot of time planning dates etc. It all culminated with at one point I was involved with 3 girls at the same time + still going out to practice pickup in town. And I stopped caring about getting a relationship/where is stuff going/even if I'll get laid . And it just sort of happened and without even thinking about it I just started focusing on one awesome girl and stopped wanting the others and now it's a relationship that comes not from need but that just happened naturally - we don't even say we are girlfriend/boyfriend, that we don't see other people, or that we are in a committed relationship. But we just are and we both know it.
So after a few months It came to a similar issue that I've recognized last week tho - As I lost the motivation to keep doing the dating/pickup thing I suddenly felt the need for her contact again, even when she's busy/wanted to schedule a date 3days in advance as I didn't have the hobby I was working on (and contact from multiple women really)
It actually made me realize that I've burned out with work, got out of shape, was eating badly + stopped doing cool stuff. I stopped being happy on my own.
I started working on those things, being fulfilled with myself and voila - I'm suddenly happier with her and want her not need her again
Really once you stop caring, the results come.
But if you are REALLY bad with women
Like I was some 6months ago
making it your obsession that satisfies you for a while like I did might be a good idea.
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On July 04 2015 16:59 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2015 15:26 Chocolate wrote:
Is a zoo a decent place to take a girl on a date?
She has a decent commute to my area so I don't want to do something short like coffee or ice cream. 1st date from tinder/drunk night out/cold approach into phone number...no. 2nd, 3rd.....Infinite date... Or taking out a girl you know already in person...hell yeah I haven't done it but it's on the list for sure! You just want to get laid...always a bar/cocktail/alcohol place 1st. You want to date..Tell her to meet at X place, then walk her to a cool coffee house/lemonade place/froyo... Easy exit strategy for both of you, shows no strings, gives you a chance to talk in quiet with eye contact, both can leave after a short time. It doesn't mean you stay there though, nor that it'll be short as long as you hit it off...After the 1st stop make sure you have 2-3 more places lined up (horse racing one of them - just read the situation, I'd say it's a 3rd+date idea tho as it's risky) and whenever things get stale in one or you start losing momentum...just take her to another one. She's not from your area, so it'll work as you showing her around your favorite places. The girl I'm dating is always laughing at my hand written torn out pieces of paper with numbered stops with addresses, and travel time between them - it's probably better to memorize them at first tho :D Our dates last up to 11hours, often starting with a coffee/tea house. Show nested quote +On July 04 2015 15:48 Chocolate wrote:
Since I don't know her very well (and she doesn't know me) I don't want to risk creeping her out by asking to just hang out
t On the 1st date...Go for the quick hug when you meet her. And shoot her a sincere compliment ("Oh you are cute in person too" - or whatever you honestly like - just a casual statement works well). I freaking love playing the game with the girl I'm dating when we're both just like "hey" "nice to meet you sir" "let's go" pretending to be indifferent strangers every time when we meet for a date, and I'd definitely recommend it once you start dating, but on the 1st date making the romantic intent very clear right from the get go just makes things WAY easier.
I think you missed the part where she can't go drinking. It's not at all hard to circumvent the retarded 21+ drinking age but you need to have the correct equipment and she doesn't have it. I'd love to just drink in a park or something but that's pretty tacky and I don't want an old lady to call the cops on me.
I like the idea to start at coffee and then go to zoo though
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Zoos are pretty depressing.
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Really depends on the Zoo. Some Zoos are really awesome.
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On July 05 2015 03:56 IgnE wrote:
Zoos are pretty depressing.
Depends on the 'zoo'. City zoos are generally pretty sad but wildlife parks like this aren't bad.
+ Show Spoiler +btw Washington sucks, don't come here Californians, all our water is gone too.
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On July 04 2015 20:36 LemOn wrote:
Nice thought Ahzz, I like the notion of being perfectly happy with self, and not needing women, but welcoming them in your life to make it even better - without actually Needing anything from them.
Basically how I decided to live my life after I broke up with my ex. It works wonderfully and I can honestly say I'm really fucking happy right now.
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On July 05 2015 04:02 Snotling wrote:
Really depends on the Zoo. Some Zoos are really awesome.
This. Aquariums can have similar appeal too, if there's one in your area.
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On July 04 2015 17:33 Ahzz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2015 15:54 plasmidghost wrote:
As I've failed dozens of times to try to date someone, it's become apparent that there's just something wrong with me as a person. Since I don't know what that might be, I can't fix it, so I finally decided to give up on ever finding someone for me. That's sad to hear. You don't give much to work with here, but it sounds a bit like you approach with the intention to date, and based on your claim that you've failed dozens of times it almost sounds like you're trying to fill a void inside of you, and that void shouldn't be there, or at least not in a way that makes you feel really unhappy with yourself. I would suggest that you improve yourself and make a goal to not date anyone the coming week, but rather become a better you in the upcoming 6-12 months and then have a chance for a proper relationship. Do things that YOU want to do. Get a solid group of male friends (assuming you are male) that you can easily hang out with and have a good time. People you can talk with about anything. If you can't do this, then IMHO you don't have a good foundation for a good relationship either. From here you will learn proper social interactions that are not so different from interactions with women.
I disagree with your analysis of the guy, but your advice isn't bad. It sounds like he's depressed at not being able to date anyone, and given that our society makes relationships the apex of your existence, it's not too much of a surprise he'd be upset by failing at it.
I'd be interested in what part he's actually "failing" at though. It could be anything from he can't get a date to he doesn't know how to make it a good relationship.
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Went on the date today. We met up, bought ice cream and sat near the water and talked for like 3 hours. She was way better looking in real than in her pictures which is kind of surprising! She was really good at talking as well, it's fairly hard for me to come up with good topics to talk about so if the conversation died down she always started it again. I guess she was the carry. Hopefully she will want to see me again. I find it hard to know if they are are still interested or not, even though she said she enjoyed it (badly translated) and that we'll talk later.
She suggested going to an amusement park for the first date but I explained it might not be the best idea for a first date if you don't like each other in real after an hour (said in other words). Going to ask if she wants to go there with me this week.
So far this girl feels like a keeper.
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the fact that you guys talked for 3 hours seems like a pretty clear indication of how much she enjoys your company
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I got back from Anime Expo. I met up with my ex at the DDR station who dumped me for a real girl a while back and he told me he dumped her because she was crazy and we were talking about getting back together then he did something to piss me off the next day which is leading me to believe that this is over.
When I was on the shuttle, this really cute guy invited me to hang out with him at a panel but we missed it, he then asked for my number and said he will call me later. My heart was racing and I was so excited and I got no call back from him leaving me hella sad. And when I am not being rejected, there is this guy I met there who added me on FB who will not stop messaging me with shit about hanging out, what I am doing, can we talk alone somewhere and makes me so uncomfortable I bring a friend with me if he is around. Ugh, I feel like I am doing everything wrong right now. Maybe it has something to do with finding love at an anime convention or arcade lol
I know that TL is not the best place to ask for help in my situation, but I feel so frustrated right now.
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I got back from Anime Expo. I met up with my ex at the DDR station who dumped me for a real girl
Wait what?
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EPT
