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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on.
think you need to be straightforward like he said
she is giving you 100 and you are giving her like 0 and that wont work no matter how much she wants it to
maybe have a come to jesus talk about it with her(i.e sit down and talk everything out)
she is in an awful spot with the way you have told us you are acting bc she is like laying everything out for you and you are rejecting her pretty much and that is like the most awful feeling on earth to watch someone you love not love you man
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On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on.
Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you...
She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched.
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On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched.
She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat.
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On June 24 2015 05:09 arb wrote:
I feel like today i made a big step, finally decided to block my ex bc i am pretty tired of her asking for shit and seeing her post about the new guy she is with
it makes me pretty fucking sick.
i have learned finally no one is worth killing yourself over so maybe this will end my days without eating or my week long drinking binges or any of the other reckless shit i do nowadays
She breaks up
"if you want to go on a date, see what happens, give me a call, otherwise good luck in life"
remove her from all messengers/social media, keep only phone number. How I've done it, how it should be done imo.
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United States15275 Posts
She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me.
Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy.
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On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat.
Eh
looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man.
I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right?
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Btw after 3 months of dating, I think the time has come forthe next serious step with this awesome girl.
And I will see her TWICE in one week for the first time. In Consecutive days even! Crazy, I know. Too soon?
Tomorrow
Petangue=>a well known hill with a great view with a cathedral=>hipster teahouse=>art gallery=>chateau in a park=> walk to pond in the woods=>cool outdoor place with DJs and sport activities like table tennis etc=>famous water fountain=>summer outdoors cinema with some euro movie about love=>club with some cultural drum concert.
And the next day the place she wants to show me=>latino market (food music etc) =>making a bow in the woods=>my place, watching Amelie. I haven't seen that movie in like 10 years. And she loves the soundtrack but has never seen it
We'll see if we won't be sick of each other after the two days, wish me luck 
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On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy.
I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me.
On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right?
I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this.
Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you.
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On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy. I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right? I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this. Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you.
Is she unattractive?
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United States15275 Posts
On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:
I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me.
You're not obligated to return affection in equal measure, if there was such a way as knowing when you hit that point. But if you need guilt to motivate you, then this relationship is not going to work.
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On June 24 2015 05:21 Juddas wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 05:13 Epishade wrote:
Ugh. My girlfriend gave me the "we need to talk" thing last night and broke up with me today. I managed to talk her into reconsidering and taking me back but I don't know if it's going to last. She said she'll talk to me next week and that she's emotionally drained. When I asked if we were alright, she said she just needed a little bit of "me" time and said bye.
I really liked her too, but I'm not sure if things will be the same anymore. I'm not even sure she won't change her mind again and not take me back. I wish I just knew already. The uncertainty is worse than knowing for sure. I've had a lump in my throat all day and last night and have teared up a lot already. Wish things had turned out differently. Dude let me tell you you are better than that. You don't need her to take you back. Sounds like the relationship is over to me and to give her her time. I know it sucks and things like this always suck. If she had those feelings just asking her to reconsider won't change them. From one man to another, move on, things will be better before you know it 
Epi you are a good guy (from what I know from TL) and I want to see you be happy in life. So please, take the time to listen to what Juddas is saying because it is 100% spot on.
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On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy. I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right? I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this. Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you.
How old are you?
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On June 24 2015 12:49 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:
I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. You're not obligated to return affection in equal measure, if there was such a way as knowing when you hit that point. But if you need guilt to motivate you, then this relationship is not going to work.
I'll change. I don't want to be motivated by guilt in this relationship.
On June 24 2015 12:54 Titusmaster6 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 05:21 Juddas wrote:On June 24 2015 05:13 Epishade wrote:
Ugh. My girlfriend gave me the "we need to talk" thing last night and broke up with me today. I managed to talk her into reconsidering and taking me back but I don't know if it's going to last. She said she'll talk to me next week and that she's emotionally drained. When I asked if we were alright, she said she just needed a little bit of "me" time and said bye.
I really liked her too, but I'm not sure if things will be the same anymore. I'm not even sure she won't change her mind again and not take me back. I wish I just knew already. The uncertainty is worse than knowing for sure. I've had a lump in my throat all day and last night and have teared up a lot already. Wish things had turned out differently. Dude let me tell you you are better than that. You don't need her to take you back. Sounds like the relationship is over to me and to give her her time. I know it sucks and things like this always suck. If she had those feelings just asking her to reconsider won't change them. From one man to another, move on, things will be better before you know it Epi you are a good guy (from what I know from TL) and I want to see you be happy in life. So please, take the time to listen to what Juddas is saying because it is 100% spot on.
Thanks Titus, but I'm sorry. I think I'd be making a bigger mistake if I gave up just like that. I can't go back after doing that, and since I still have feelings for her and I want to make it work, I'm going to put some effort in and hopefully fix it. If I ended it, I'd always have that sinking feeling of regret wondering if I made the right choice or not.
On June 24 2015 13:26 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy. I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right? I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this. Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you. How old are you?
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On June 24 2015 11:24 biology]major wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy. I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right? I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this. Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you. Is she unattractive?
In a way. Objectively she's not the most attractive person, but I like her enough to look past that. I find her attractive in my own way.
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I met this girl online through a dating site that we matched up on. Looks wise, I thought she was kinda cute. Personality wise, I didn't think we had much in common. I was feeling pretty lonely and haven't had much luck dating-wise so I went ahead and decided to meet up.
Anyway, first date, we had drinks and we got along great. We had good conversation but again, we didn't have much in common. I'm really into sports and she wasn't into any of that and was pretty quiet most of the time. We had dinner last week and talked about work and whatnot and still had decent convo.
I ask if she wants to hang out again this week and she says sure but then she mentions that she sees me as a friend and nothing more. It's a weird feeling for me. I'm not super attracted to her but I really want a girlfriend so it's a bit of a bummer. On the other hand, it is nice conversing with someone of the opposite sex so I might still hang out with her here and there.
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On June 24 2015 14:52 Epishade wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 12:49 CosmicSpiral wrote:On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:
I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. You're not obligated to return affection in equal measure, if there was such a way as knowing when you hit that point. But if you need guilt to motivate you, then this relationship is not going to work. I'll change. I don't want to be motivated by guilt in this relationship. Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 12:54 Titusmaster6 wrote:On June 24 2015 05:21 Juddas wrote:On June 24 2015 05:13 Epishade wrote:
Ugh. My girlfriend gave me the "we need to talk" thing last night and broke up with me today. I managed to talk her into reconsidering and taking me back but I don't know if it's going to last. She said she'll talk to me next week and that she's emotionally drained. When I asked if we were alright, she said she just needed a little bit of "me" time and said bye.
I really liked her too, but I'm not sure if things will be the same anymore. I'm not even sure she won't change her mind again and not take me back. I wish I just knew already. The uncertainty is worse than knowing for sure. I've had a lump in my throat all day and last night and have teared up a lot already. Wish things had turned out differently. Dude let me tell you you are better than that. You don't need her to take you back. Sounds like the relationship is over to me and to give her her time. I know it sucks and things like this always suck. If she had those feelings just asking her to reconsider won't change them. From one man to another, move on, things will be better before you know it Epi you are a good guy (from what I know from TL) and I want to see you be happy in life. So please, take the time to listen to what Juddas is saying because it is 100% spot on. Thanks Titus, but I'm sorry. I think I'd be making a bigger mistake if I gave up just like that. I can't go back after doing that, and since I still have feelings for her and I want to make it work, I'm going to put some effort in and hopefully fix it. If I ended it, I'd always have that sinking feeling of regret wondering if I made the right choice or not. Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 13:26 IgnE wrote:On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy. I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right? I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this. Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you. How old are you? 20 Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 11:24 biology]major wrote:On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy. I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right? I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this. Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you. Is she unattractive? In a way. Objectively she's not the most attractive person, but I like her enough to look past that. I find her attractive in my own way.
You can't bring yourself to say you love her. You are 20. You aren't going to marry her. Time to move on.
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On June 24 2015 14:54 snake4545 wrote:
I met this girl online through a dating site that we matched up on. Looks wise, I thought she was kinda cute. Personality wise, I didn't think we had much in common. I was feeling pretty lonely and haven't had much luck dating-wise so I went ahead and decided to meet up.
Anyway, first date, we had drinks and we got along great. We had good conversation but again, we didn't have much in common. I'm really into sports and she wasn't into any of that and was pretty quiet most of the time. We had dinner last week and talked about work and whatnot and still had decent convo.
I ask if she wants to hang out again this week and she says sure but then she mentions that she sees me as a friend and nothing more. It's a weird feeling for me. I'm not super attracted to her but I really want a girlfriend so it's a bit of a bummer. On the other hand, it is nice conversing with someone of the opposite sex so I might still hang out with her here and there.
not worth it imho.
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On June 24 2015 16:20 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2015 14:52 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 12:49 CosmicSpiral wrote:On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:
I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. You're not obligated to return affection in equal measure, if there was such a way as knowing when you hit that point. But if you need guilt to motivate you, then this relationship is not going to work. I'll change. I don't want to be motivated by guilt in this relationship. On June 24 2015 12:54 Titusmaster6 wrote:On June 24 2015 05:21 Juddas wrote:On June 24 2015 05:13 Epishade wrote:
Ugh. My girlfriend gave me the "we need to talk" thing last night and broke up with me today. I managed to talk her into reconsidering and taking me back but I don't know if it's going to last. She said she'll talk to me next week and that she's emotionally drained. When I asked if we were alright, she said she just needed a little bit of "me" time and said bye.
I really liked her too, but I'm not sure if things will be the same anymore. I'm not even sure she won't change her mind again and not take me back. I wish I just knew already. The uncertainty is worse than knowing for sure. I've had a lump in my throat all day and last night and have teared up a lot already. Wish things had turned out differently. Dude let me tell you you are better than that. You don't need her to take you back. Sounds like the relationship is over to me and to give her her time. I know it sucks and things like this always suck. If she had those feelings just asking her to reconsider won't change them. From one man to another, move on, things will be better before you know it Epi you are a good guy (from what I know from TL) and I want to see you be happy in life. So please, take the time to listen to what Juddas is saying because it is 100% spot on. Thanks Titus, but I'm sorry. I think I'd be making a bigger mistake if I gave up just like that. I can't go back after doing that, and since I still have feelings for her and I want to make it work, I'm going to put some effort in and hopefully fix it. If I ended it, I'd always have that sinking feeling of regret wondering if I made the right choice or not. On June 24 2015 13:26 IgnE wrote:On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy. I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right? I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this. Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you. How old are you? 20 On June 24 2015 11:24 biology]major wrote:On June 24 2015 09:28 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:44 CosmicSpiral wrote:She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. Is she wrong? Everything you write about her reeks of apathy. I know. I message her everyday to talk with her, and I really do want to stay in the relationship, but I know a lot of my actions were unintentionally hurtful to her. I do like her a lot, but it may be a while for me to love her as much as she says she loves me. On June 24 2015 08:47 LemOn wrote:On June 24 2015 08:26 Epishade wrote:On June 24 2015 08:07 killa_robot wrote:On June 24 2015 06:14 Epishade wrote:
I'm positive she's not cheating on me. She likes me more than I like her though, and she felt like I didn't want to be a part of the relationship/commit to the relationship/let people know I was with her, such as by not changing my fb status to relationship with her or avoiding friends while we were together, or not liking public display of affection with her in front of people I know. I feel bad for it, but I would have done the same with any other girl because I don't really like "showing off" that I have a girlfriend to people I know, and I've told her this and that I very much wanted to be in the relationship. She also has a lot of health problems and she recently got another one that made me worry about having a future with her. I told her this and that's what started this breakup. She doesn't think I will ever be capable of liking her as much as she likes me. She told me she loved me a few days ago and I said I liked her a lot but that I just didn't feel comfortable saying that to her just yet and that I hoped she understood, which she seemed to take well enough, but now it just looks like another sign of me not wanting to commit.
I know, all of this probably makes me look like a jerk. I'm sure she feels unwanted because of my actions, even though it wasn't my intention at all.
But I like her too much not to at least give it another chance. If it still doesn't work out then, then I can move on. Her not feeling like you're into her enough then creating space between the two of you is like, the perfect set up for her to cheat on you... She's feeling unloved and rather than go to you, since you're not nearby, she'll go to someone else. Not all too far-fetched. She's not really very sociable and hasn't ever been in a relationship before she met me. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't ever consider cheating on me, not to even say that she wouldn't have anybody to cheat on me with. She's not the sorority-type girl who you'd expect might go to a lot of parties and hook-up easily with complete strangers, and with all the hours we spend talking to each other on fb every day, I'm positive that she doesn't want to break up with me as a set up so she can cheat. Eh looks like you're just not that into her in the first place man. I wouldn't pursue at all, if she contacts you and you actually feel like you want to be more active then by all means. But pretty this is one of the examples where really high mutual attraction is kind of a pre-requisite. There's a reason why you were being a jerk, I assume if you were head over heels in love with her you'd be a lot m,ore active right? I think you're right. But I really don't want to lose her, and it took her breaking up with me to realize how much I'd miss her if she wasn't in my life anymore. I hope we can sort it out next week. But I'll let her contact me when she's ready. I'll definitely try to be more commitful with her if we can work past this. Thanks everyone. You've been a real help and I'm glad I'm able to share my problems with you. Is she unattractive? In a way. Objectively she's not the most attractive person, but I like her enough to look past that. I find her attractive in my own way. You can't bring yourself to say you love her. You are 20. You aren't going to marry her. Time to move on.
x1000 you aren't doing her any favors by trying to change yourself trust me.
"I find her attractive in my own way"
-this is completely normal. Absolute magazine standard looks do not and should not matter in a partner pretty much whatsoever. It's just the attraction you FEEL towards one another - the chemical reactions she induces in you
The rest is just the pressure from society to find attractive partners as you see them in porn, magazines etc.
"I like her enough to look past that"
This, however, is not for someone you should be with. You'd defend her, tell us she's perfect for you and you don't give a fuck that she's not 90-60-90.
Do the girl a favor, tell her you think she's awesome but that you both deserve someone where you'd be both crazy about each other, and it's okay that you two don't. That you miss her is natural, you always will miss stuff that was in your life and is gone at first. Resist that urge and if you really care about her, let her go.
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On June 24 2015 14:54 snake4545 wrote:
I met this girl online through a dating site that we matched up on. Looks wise, I thought she was kinda cute. Personality wise, I didn't think we had much in common. I was feeling pretty lonely and haven't had much luck dating-wise so I went ahead and decided to meet up.
Anyway, first date, we had drinks and we got along great. We had good conversation but again, we didn't have much in common. I'm really into sports and she wasn't into any of that and was pretty quiet most of the time. We had dinner last week and talked about work and whatnot and still had decent convo.
I ask if she wants to hang out again this week and she says sure but then she mentions that she sees me as a friend and nothing more. It's a weird feeling for me. I'm not super attracted to her but I really want a girlfriend so it's a bit of a bummer. On the other hand, it is nice conversing with someone of the opposite sex so I might still hang out with her here and there.
You don't need to have that much in common with (hoby/interest wise) in a romantic partner. But you both should be curious naturally about what the other person does, what are their passions and vice versa. And be compatible in general personality traits not things you are into or specific stuff you do.
With a friend - don't know about you though but I want someone I can talk about my hobbies and have at least one strong similar interest in something with. The female friend I have we are both fascinated by relationships, social experiments (theory and we do it in practice: P )psychology, sex in general, stance on life, authenticity, pickup, TED talks etc. And have great drunken convos without sex getting in the way - that's awesome. We have matching personalities, just don't have the chemical attraction tho.
If you don't have that much in common, I see no reason why be friends with her - just delete her, move your attention to other girls, don't waste your time with this one.
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On June 24 2015 08:56 LemOn wrote:
Btw after 3 months of dating
And I will see her TWICE in one week for the first time
I'm surprised you haven't met her more, three months is a long tme. You're moving awfully slow in my opinion! Have you guys had sex yet?
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seeing someone once a week isnt that uncommon
i probably met my ex gf once a week for at least 2 months straight as well. we had one day which we were both free on and we lived like 1 hr away from each other as well.
not seeing someone much doesnt necessarily mean youre moving slow though. you could still be doing everything a couple seeing each other everyday could do, just that you pack your schedule tight and do it all in 1 day
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EPT
