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thank god I got confirmation today.
There is never a time when a parent has the right to control their child. You have an obligation as a parent to tell them what is right and wrong by our standards and to raise your child so they abide by those standards and become upstanding citizens of tomorrow. Simple rules, easy to follow. Unfortunately some parents never seem to get that concept.
They want to know what they can get out of the child, as if their children are somehow their slaves except it's legal lolz to do as they are told and never to question.
When I read blogs or stories about other people who suffer true mental and/or physical abuse by their parents I always used to think I actually had it pretty good, even though I hated my father with a passion. At least until this morning I did, and now I actually have a good reason for it.
He hit me. He also threatened to take away my computer, which is pretty funny to me. He can hit me yet not realize that mental harassment simply doesn't mean anything anymore because now it's gone over to physical which draws the line for me.
It sounds more dramatical than it is, since he hit me in the thigh and not in the face. Still hurt and it was done in a fit of rage from my father. But in what universe is it acceptable to you as a parent to hit your child regardless of what they have done? It is never acceptable to hit anyone, full stop.
What did I do? I was being me. It's who I am, and unfortunately it's parental fail on his part because he didn't teach me differently. It's ingrained in my personality ever since I was a little kid. If you can't accept the child that you raised then I'm sorry for existing. I'm sorry for being a burden on your life. Do you want me to die?
He hit me for a number of reasons I believe.
1. I'm a disappointment in his eyes.
My dad thinks of himself as a genius and according to him he lost his virginity at the age of 13, out in the forest "we didn't even know what the fuck we were doing, really", and he hasn't seen me bring a woman home ever. I'm 21. He says that if he hadn't hesitated on one question and kept the answer he had originally put down, he would've been accepted into Mensa. It baffles me how someone with an IQ high enough to get accepted into Mensa can be so fucking stupid. I tried to go back to school this term to get the grades I needed to be eligible for university and I just couldn't fucking do it. Not by lack of ability, I just can't do it when I live here. I don't want to do anything living in this house, because it's miserable.
2. I'm wasting my life away.
He thinks video games are a waste of time, regardless of what you do. He has it in his eyes that all video games are one of a kind and that when a new one comes out everyone starts at square one. StarCraft1/BW -> StarCraft 2 is proof of the contrary, but he doesn't understand that. His favorite thing to say in order to mock my hobby is "Video gaming is time wasted awaiting death." Great parenting, telling me how I'm wasting my life away. Does he not realize just how much you can do in the gaming community, or in the video game industry? He has his fixed ideas of the world and old habits die hard, or never at all. He also thinks that because I can't wave a magic wand and get a job at Blizzard, that I have no future in this industry and my time is better spent elsewhere.
3. I'm lazy.
I have this annoying habit of mine that my parents unfortunately never taught me when I was a child which is proven by my new younger brother, age 7, who does exactly the same thing. When I now know better and I tell my father that little age 7 should pick up after himself like everyone else should, he uses the excuse that "You did that when you were 7 as well." Like that's supposed to make it right? So because you failed once, it's OK for you to fail again? Now when it comes to my room, I have a habit of leaving glass, cutlery and plates in my room because I just forget to bring it up with me when I leave my room. I have maybe 10-15 knives and forks in pizza cartons right now as I type this, and he came storming down today screaming there were no knives and forks left, where are they? Frantically looked around my room and saw the pizza cartons and lifted a couple, heard the scrambling of metal on metal and in a rage, he pounded my thigh.
4. He hates his life.
Ever since my parents split up, mostly because my parents are both horrible parents and completely fucking mental, my father's life has been gradually going down the toilet. My mother is fucking insane and feeds of off drama like a junkie feeds of his drug of choice. My father met someone from Thailand and they could not speak a single word to each other. They "fell in love" which I don't fucking understand how that happens, and she moved in with him after about a month of my parents splitting up. Mrs. Cunty cunt from Thailand having a sister who had been living in Sweden obviously realized she'd hit the jackpot and so as to not get deported by immigration because her visa runs out, she decides to "forget to take the pill" and my father being the mentally handicapped child that he is neglects the use of a wonderful invention that prevents pregnancy controlled by the male! the condom. So she gets pregnant and now his balls are firmly in a vice by this bitch from Thailand who thinks she's living the good life in Sweden. He's stuck with a child he never wanted to have, a cunt who never goes away or he'll lose his kid because the courts nearly always side with the mother.
She's also pretty abusive and gets pissed off for reasons unknown to anybody. Refuses to talk for weeks and moves out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch and walks around all grumpy until she gets over it, which is when I assume my father gets down on his knees and apologizes profusely for whatever it is he may or may not have done. This is the reason my father got convicted of domestic violence a couple of years ago. She was being a bitch as usual and thought he was cheating or whatever (which he probably was anyway) and came down and threatened him with a blunt scissor. So my dad hit her in the nose, it broke, and now all of a sudden he's the bad guy. Fucking bitches. On a more serious note, they made up (HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN?) and tried to make up some bullshit story in court that we were all supposed to follow in spite of court date being almost a full two years after the event. Like the judge didn't see through that little charade like it was water. He got convicted and had to pay fines and do community service.
Eventually, same thing happens again. They fight, she bolts, takes the kid. This time though he says to me, "I don't think she'll come back this time." Meaning, if she wanted to, he'd take her back.
She's back, and life is as miserable as it's always been for him.
I probably digressed a little towards the end, and I'm pretty much done anyway. I'm sitting waiting for my dad to realize he actually hit me and come down and apologize. An apology I know will never come, because he doesn't realize what he did was wrong.
  
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It sounds like your dad has a hard life and you're using the fact that he isn't perfect as a catch-all excuse for being a shitty person. You should probably try to get a job, or at the very least take your silverware down to the sink (that shit is gross). The fact that you're lazy and don't really accomplish anything isn't his fault anymore - you're 21 and you need to start taking responsibility for your own shortcomings.
Think of it this way - if you really hate it that much in your house, getting a job will give you both an excuse to be gone and a way to be gone permanently.
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Typical situation, you are making life harder for each other.
Solution 1: Move out
Solution 2: Grow up and learn to understand him
Hitting you might or might not have been ok, depending on the force used and how you behaved before it occured (i doubt you were nice and apologized for having all the knifes in your room, promising to not let that happen again).
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If you're 21 why don't you man the fuck up already and just leave home instead of complaining about it to some random people on the Internet?
From what I'm reading, everything that your dad thinks about you is true and you are a lazy fuck who is wasting his life but still thinks he's a tough guy.
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Wow that sounds like a pretty messed up domestic situation. I'm sorry to hear that 
Well you said you're 21 right? I think its time to stop using the "you've never taught me to do better" as an excuse for things. Be your own man and do what you want to do without excuses. I'm not by any means saying that your dad is an ideal parent or that he's right in handling the situation the way he is, but its pretty obvious that some blame falls on your shoulders as well. You're not a kid anymore dude you need to get your shit together - not for the sake of pleasing your father or anyone else - but so that you can live a happy and ordinary life, and perhaps remove yourself from the unhealthy situation that is your current household dynamic.
In sum: You sound very immature for 21 and you clearly need a reality check + to grow up. Yeah your dad is probably an asshole (to an extent), and your living arrangements are less than ideal... but ffs dude get your shit together and fix your own problems instead of whining and hoping they will magically go away.
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This sounds terrible man. It seems like both of you guys need to talk about everything through. If he won't listen to you then, well try your best to be independent and leave the house :/
If it makes you feel any better my dad hits me all the time, I'm just used to it. My stress level always skyrockets when I return home from college. I just have to mentally prepare myself for what's to come. But at least I don't have to see him everyday.
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Sounds a lot like a Jerry Springer show.
Being a parent doesn't automatically make you a bright person. He probably needs therapy and you need to let him destroy his own life by himself.
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Dude, you're 21 and complaining about your parents? Just move out if it's so bad at home.
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i was spanked as a child... made me a better person. i understand the need to blow off steam sometimes, but i hope you dont lose yourself in anger. take a step back from the situation and try to see it from his perspective.
your parents dont make you lazy, you do. how hard is it to move dishes to the kitchen? 15 seconds out of your day brah.
are you living there for free? do you go to school? maybe you are a freeloader currently. i suggest getting a job and moving out so you can live your own life.
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The only solution for you is to become a man and leave the house. I guess it will be rough (according to what you wrote I don't think you have much working experience) but you have to do it anyway in future and the sooner the better. If your parents are nuts, how about your grandparents? Could they borrow you some money to get on your feets?
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You're actually blaming your father for your own failures? You're basically comparing raising a child to teaching tricks to a dog. Sure it's the dog handlers' fault if the dog plain sucks, but you're an adult who can make your own decisions, aren't you?
It's only natural in a parent's mind to make the link between computer games / any hobby you spend alot of time on and fucked up high school grades; Ever thought of the fact that computer games actually did fuck up your high school grades? Did for me, and for several of my friends aswell.
Just because Starcraft or any other game is cool doesn't mean that an addiction to them is healthy, especially for a youngster who can't properly manage his own time.
As for your father, he sounds like he has a clinical depression or something.
Grow up
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Sounds like you're not the easiest kid to live with either. If I had a kid who constantly and after repeated requests not to kept tons of the cutlery left dirty in their room all the time, I'd probably lose my shit after a certain number of times. Small things aren't small things when they happen every single day.
You need to grow up and realise that yes, while your father may not be the most perfect human being, he provides an environment in which you CAN spend a large amount of time playing videogames, he provides an environment in which you are sheltered, fed, and taken care of. So he lost his temper and hit you one time. it wasn't a seriously injuring blow, and physically disciplining children was done all the time before and the world got on just fine..
Yes he should apologise for hitting you. Yes, you should also apologise for your total obvious disrespectful attitude towards him. Keeping dirty cutlery laying around in pizza boxes in your room? Thats just fucking disgusting and you should be fucking ashamed of that. No wonder you don't have any women around you.
As for your crap about him not realising what you can do in the videogame industry..
You are the one being a fucking idiot here. Videogames, the way you're playing them, are a hobby. He doesn't realise that they're just as valid a hobby as sports, reading, chess, music, or anything else. But YOU don't realise that they are a HOBBY!
You need other things in your life. Playing videogames does not get you anywhere in the videogaming world unless you are exceptional and able to compete professionally. Videogame developers, videogame company executives, tournament organisers like the managers of the TSL, these people do not spend their work hours playing videogames. They may well enjoy their job because its still related to videogames, but their time spent playing videogames doesn't automatically help them in that field.
And on the note of your father with his girl and the pill and the condoms. Its a pretty fucking common thing in a close relationship for the couple to stop using condoms and start relying on the pill. Almost any girl who has been in a steady relationship for more than a couple of years could sneak a child out of their partner simply by not taking the pill anymore. I know if my fiancee decided to stop I certainly wouldn't notice. Sex without a condom is so much better for both partners (particularly the girl) that its not even comparable. You cannot blame him for such a lapse, particularly if he had no reason to suspect her.
In summary, your father seems like a fairly decent guy, perhaps too quick to lose his temper, perhaps not. leaving cutlery discarded around your room would get pretty fucking annoying to anyone. He doesn't quite understand that videogaming is a legitimate hobby, but that is not a failing unique to him, a lot of the older generations feel this way (not all!), and there is nothing you can really do to change his mind about that.
You, on the other hand, even from reading YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY which I'm sure downplays the nature of living with you, makes you sound like a moody young adult, still stuck at home, unable to succeed at school for whatever reason, sitting in a disgusting messy room surrounded by dirty cutlery, old pizza boxes and who knows what else, thinking he can turn playing videogames into a career with no actual talent outside the actual playing of the games.
You sound more like an angsty "fuck tha parents and fuck tha system" teenager than what you are supposed to be...an adult.
I think I sympathize a lot more with your father here. And we haven't even heard his side of the story.
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Your dad sounds pretty cool.
User was banned for this post.
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Baa?21242 Posts
You're 21, your dad hit you in the thigh, and you take it as proof that your father is the worst person alive.
Jesus christ how spoiled were you growing up?
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like some of these other people said you gotta man up jesus, I used to get beat like shit when I was a kid but I don't think my parents were necessarily bad just trying to teach me right from wrong I guess. If you are 21, you are perfectly capable of moving out so yeah you are kind of being a lazy crybaby. Sorry to break it to you but video games are a waste of time for the majority of people and you should use more of your time and effort on other things. There is nothing wrong with playing sc once in a while but grow up man
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I just wanted to echo the sentiments of other people here. Don't use bad parenting as an excuse for being a bad person. You're 21 and from what I can gather you have no job, don't go to school and play video games? Even from your perspective your life sounds like you should get your shit together and stop blaming your parents for your failures, you're 21 ffs. The fact that you don't like the situation at home should only motivate you to become independent and move out.
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Osaka27105 Posts
I have maybe 10-15 knives and forks in pizza cartons right now as I type this, and he came storming down today screaming there were no knives and forks left, where are they? Frantically looked around my room and saw the pizza cartons and lifted a couple, heard the scrambling of metal on metal and in a rage, he pounded my thigh.
How many times has he asked you to take your dishes to the sink? How many times has he done it without hitting your thigh? How many times have you failed to heed his requests?
Maybe he thought the words weren't getting through.
He doesn't sound like a great guy, but until you take responsibility and act like an equal member of the household, you are hard to take seriously.
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There is a reason why "kids leave home at a certain age" aka "I can live on my own now". Don't try to be that one in a million who will enjoy the same old faces all your life.
The trick here is to learn and snap out of it. Just do something different. Don't go crazy, but try to enjoy life and try to find your own way.
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Move out and get a job.
Once you don't have to live with your parents you'll realize you like them a lot more.
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EPT
