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chongu
Malaysia2594 Posts
But in what universe is it acceptable to you as a parent to hit your child regardless of what they have done? It is never acceptable to hit anyone, full stop. What universe is it acceptable to say anything like that? On a lighter note, besides the domestic violence with your mum, the charade in Thailand and losing virginity - I'd say his demands and expectations are pretty reasonable and that is no way to talk to your Dad | ||
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Dhalphir
Australia1305 Posts
There are two circumstances in which it is okay to still be living at home at age 21. 1) You're at university or otherwise financially unable to move out. Perhaps you're looking for work and can't find any because of a bad economy, or something like that. This is an okay reason. 2) You're mentally or physically disabled in some way and dependent on constant care. Aside from those reasons, still living with your parents at 21 is a pretty sad thing, and your father is absolutely right to be disappointed by that. Couple that with you spending a lot of time on (what he sees as) useless videogaming and can you really condemn him for his frustration? And he is right! videogaming is useless to improving your life. It is a hobby, nothing more. A rare few people are able to turn that hobby into something productive. Just like a rare few can turn skill at chess into something productive, and a rare few can turn skill at music into something productive. you, probably not. | ||
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Carthac
United States393 Posts
Man up, take your dishes down to the sink, clean your room, find a job, and see how the relationship changes with your father. Like Manifesto said, your father does not sound like a nice guy, but he does not sound terrible either. He is, after all, letting you live at his home rent free and you do not go to school or have a job correct? | ||
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Sephy90
United States1785 Posts
It seems you might've wrote this blog to get some sort of comfort or maybe people who can relate to you. But from reading from the comments of the thread it seems that most disagree with what you're saying. Maybe this will finally teach and tell you that you need to grow up and get the point across that you are mostly also the one who is wrong. Hopefully from reading these comments you can finally better yourself and maybe appreciate your father more. | ||
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OMin
United States545 Posts
but definitely doesn't sound like the worst either. i definitely feel this was posted in the heat of the moment instead of giving yourself time to calm down enough and be a little more logical. your dad hit you in the thigh.... for a grand total of once. yeah, you're going through a lot of shit due to family problems. but your dad is dealing with a lot of shit as well. he's human and considering what hes dealing with, its not very surprising he was extra pissed off to find you dont clean your dishes up. considering how much hes dealing with, really expressing his anger by hitting you in the thigh with instigation from your part is really not a big deal. people get spanked as kids all the time to be disciplined (i was one of them) i hope this is just a troll. id rather have everyone being laughed at for taking the bait than to know that you are really presenting a complaint in this manner. i say its more than fair for you to complain about the situation you are in, but you are pretty much just trash talking your dad in this post, who I feel isn't holding up too badly considering the things going on in his life. | ||
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fenixdown
Colombia320 Posts
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JuJuZerg
United States48 Posts
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
Look, your dad doesn't sound like a great guy, but you are definitely a part of the problem and deserve some of the blame for this situation. What did I do? I was being me. It's who I am, and unfortunately it's parental fail on his part because he didn't teach me differently. It's ingrained in my personality ever since I was a little kid. If you can't accept the child that you raised then I'm sorry for existing. I'm sorry for being a burden on your life. Do you want me to die? Are you serious? Did you really just try to blame your parents for the way you are. Rofl. As you said your 21, your an adult capable of rational thought and decision making and you can change "you". You can blame your parents for how you act when you're 12 maybe, but sure as hell can't when you're 21. He thinks video games are a waste of time, regardless of what you do. He has it in his eyes that all video games are one of a kind and that when a new one comes out everyone starts at square one. StarCraft1/BW -> StarCraft 2 is proof of the contrary, but he doesn't understand that. His favorite thing to say in order to mock my hobby is "Video gaming is time wasted awaiting death." Great parenting, telling me how I'm wasting my life away. Does he not realize just how much you can do in the gaming community, or in the video game industry? All parents tell their kids they are wasting their life away when they appear to be doing worthless activities, which to your dad gaming is. Thats perfectly normal, acceptable parenting. Your father is very worried for you because to him it seems like your headed down a dark path with no future. Getting upset at your parents for caring is just silly. Is he supposed to not care? OK, your dad isn't on the same page as you about video games, but VERY few parents are. It's a deep rooted social stigma associated with games, and honestly you guys aren't at a point in your relationship where you can really show him what you believe to be true about gaming. 3. I'm lazy. I have this annoying habit of mine that my parents unfortunately never taught me when I was a child which is proven by my new younger brother, age 7, who does exactly the same thing. When I now know better and I tell my father that little age 7 should pick up after himself like everyone else should, he uses the excuse that "You did that when you were 7 as well." Like that's supposed to make it right? So because you failed once, it's OK for you to fail again? Now when it comes to my room, I have a habit of leaving glass, cutlery and plates in my room because I just forget to bring it up with me when I leave my room. I have maybe 10-15 knives and forks in pizza cartons right now as I type this, and he came storming down today screaming there were no knives and forks left, where are they? Frantically looked around my room and saw the pizza cartons and lifted a couple, heard the scrambling of metal on metal and in a rage, he pounded my thigh. Thats fucked up. And no, you don't forget; nobody forgets stacks of pizza cartons, plates, and silverware, you just don't care enough to deal with it. I am fairly confident of two things, one is that this mess annoys the hell out of your dad, and the second is that he has asked you about it before. If your parents make a reasonable request (clean[ish] room) and you can't follow it they have every right to be pissed at you. If I was your parent I would be furious if you pulled that kinda madness in my house. He's probably extremely frustrated, worried sick about you, and then on top of that you continue to be such an awful slob he doesn't even have silverware to eat with. Given that just telling, or yelling at you to clean up hasn't worked,he did something more forceful to get your attention. 4. ... Yea, your dad isn't an angel. Can't argue there. What I'm getting at here is a couple things. One is your making a huge fuss over something that isn't a huge deal, getting hit in the thigh (which doesn't even hurt as bad as a good spanking). More importantly, you don't seem to have any perspective. You just assume your dad is a scumbag and hit you because of that. You refuse to consider that you have given him TREMENDOUS reason to be worried sick about you and frustrated to no ends. The fact that he hit you in the thigh and not in the face tells me he was probably just incredibly frustrated with and at you and since nothing else is working did something a little more serious to get your attention. Your dad hitting you in the thigh is perfectly reasonable and justified. Consider engaging in some perspective taking and try to understand where your dad is coming from and how he sees you, and consider taking a look at your own life and all the ways you could ease your fathers struggles. Always try to be the better man. GL, and I hope everything turns out okay in the end. | ||
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SolHeiM
Sweden1264 Posts
There is never a reason to hit your kid, and this isn't the first time he has been violent to exude his dominance. He has threatened to hit me hundreds of times and he hit my mother several times, another thing you never have the right to do, regardless of what they are doing. | ||
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Hynda
Sweden2226 Posts
And ofcourse it's not ok to use violence, but it's also not ok to blame someone else for your own failures. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On March 14 2011 18:12 SolHeiM wrote: I think it's funny how people seem to think what my dad did was justified. Again, it doesn't matter where he hit me or what I had done prior. He hit me in the thigh three hours ago, and it still hurts when I walk. There is never a reason to hit your kid, and this isn't the first time he has been violent to exude his dominance. He has threatened to hit me hundreds of times and he hit my mother several times, another thing you never have the right to do, regardless of what they are doing. I have no problems with this. There are times when people need a stronger wake up call and things just aren't getting through. Again, your refusing to consider other people's views. | ||
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OMin
United States545 Posts
On March 14 2011 18:12 SolHeiM wrote: I think it's funny how people seem to think what my dad did was justified. Again, it doesn't matter where he hit me or what I had done prior. He hit me in the thigh three hours ago, and it still hurts when I walk. There is never a reason to hit your kid, and this isn't the first time he has been violent to exude his dominance. He has threatened to hit me hundreds of times and he hit my mother several times, another thing you never have the right to do, regardless of what they are doing. it's not a matter of whether that it's right or wrong that he hit you. yes, he should not have done that. but your attitude and immaturity is whats making nobody take your side. | ||
ArvickHero
10387 Posts
On March 14 2011 18:12 SolHeiM wrote: I think it's funny how people seem to think what my dad did was justified. Again, it doesn't matter where he hit me or what I had done prior. He hit me in the thigh three hours ago, and it still hurts when I walk. There is never a reason to hit your kid, and this isn't the first time he has been violent to exude his dominance. He has threatened to hit me hundreds of times and he hit my mother several times, another thing you never have the right to do, regardless of what they are doing. That's a matter of views. I, for one, think that parents have the right to give their kid a smack in the face when their words aren't getting through to them at all. Honestly I'm surprised he hasn't kicked you out yet. | ||
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shinwa
Sweden225 Posts
If you think it's that horrible, then just get the hell out of there instead of sitting in your dirty room complaining on a website. | ||
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fenixdown
Colombia320 Posts
On March 14 2011 08:09 SolHeiM wrote: If I knew for a 100% certain that the world was going to end and we would all end with it and there was no chance of preventing it, I would probably murder a certain individual I despise. Maybe rape someone because I know it won't matter shortly anyway. I definitely wouldn't be sitting around doing nothing though, as I think most people wouldn't go numb but crazy. Well I'm pretty damn sure your parents did a poor job if you can come up with crap like this... just fucking GROW UP and in the process get some fucking help too. | ||
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OMin
United States545 Posts
On March 14 2011 18:16 ArvickHero wrote: That's a matter of views. I, for one, think that parents have the right to give their kid a smack in the face when their words aren't getting through to them at all. Honestly I'm not surprised he hasn't kicked you out yet. we need to draw a line between spanking a 12 year old kid versus having to get physical with a 21 year old.... i dont think thats a fair connection to make - i dont think the OP is unjustified in believing he's been seriously wronged. a kid lacks the maturity to understand what's best for him/her (at least in the eyes of his/her parents), so sometimes thats just the only way to get through to them. but when you're 21 and your parent hits you out of frustration, i think that's definitely more serious and goes beyond spanking discipline, especially considering his dad has a history of domestic violence. but the OP is still being awfully immature and inconsiderate of others. i dont know man, i think you should at least have a job or something. and especially considering you got a little brother caught in the middle of this, i think you are way too focused on the wrongs that are done to you. | ||
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enzym
Germany1034 Posts
At the same time though you appear to be looking at things in a too black and white manner, making absolute statements and comparing them, which does not allow for an accurate representation of the dissent. "Video gaming is time wasted awaiting death", for example, can be true or false depending on how you establish what it means to not waste time. Disagreeing with that statement without making sure everyone is looking at it from the same perspective is pointless. It is also hard to imagine that you are unaware of the abundance of cutlery lying around in your room when there are 10-15 pieces of them so close together that their container can be shaken to make metal scramble on metal, in pizza cartons, which are hard to be oblivious of in this number unless you have spread them around a gigantic room. On the bright side, most human beings display unrefinedness and neglect, logical inconcistencies in opinions and lack of aspiration or an overarching goal in their behaviour to varying degrees. The individuals of your family are no special case, nor the worst case. edit: Skimming through some of the posts in this thread I must point out that parents are responsible for you and have to provide for you until at least age 26 unless your job situation allows you to do that yourself in many countries, that it is their responsibility to know this before they conceive you, that despite of that you are an individual with rights, which will mostly be the same rights they themselves enjoy once you are 18 and that violence of any sort is not legally acceptable in addition to being morally and intellectually reprehensible. Saying that you have to put up with them and their rules as long as you are living under their roof only goes so far (not far at all indeed). | ||
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AirbladeOrange
United States2574 Posts
And please don't take all the comments in here as negative. Read them, consider them, and make up your own mind and do what you believe is best for you. | ||
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Anuzi
192 Posts
 Hitting me may not have been the best means of punishment or correction, but my parents did their best and I don't expect them to be perfect. Being hit on the thigh, after you failed to do something as basic as bringing the cutlery/dishes down so the others in your house can use them, doesn't seem like such a big deal to me. I think you're making a mountain out of molehill here, or just looking for any excuse to foist all the blame onto your father. It's an easy trap to fall into, no one wants to believe they share blame for a bad situation. I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself, and think about where you are going wrong. Getting out of the house and getting some kind of job would probably be the best thing for you at the moment, since it would give you some perspective as well as some control over your own life | ||
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Adr4melecH
Thailand667 Posts
My father met someone from Thailand and they could not speak a single word to each other. They "fell in love" which I don't fucking understand how that happens Sadly, this happens a LOT in Thailand. I myself witnessed some shit like this too.It's not a rare sight to see,really. Women walking with foreigners and acting as if they were lovers while they know very little to no english. I know some of them really fell in love but i'm pretty sure MANY of them(women) do it solely because money....I mean cmon,how the hell can you "fell in love" with someone you cant even talk with is beyond me. This makes me wonder how foreigner views our country in general. TT Well, at least there is one good thing about my country :p + Show Spoiler + ![[image loading]](http://www.teamliquid.net/staff/Hot_Bid/TLFE/bisusleep.jpg) bisu won an MSL after a vacation in Thailand! As for your situation,I think you should sort things out with your dad and be less lazy,being more respectful towards him will help too but if you cant really do that you can try to move out and live on your own though it might be hard. | ||
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