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On March 14 2011 18:12 SolHeiM wrote:
I think it's funny how people seem to think what my dad did was justified. Again, it doesn't matter where he hit me or what I had done prior. He hit me in the thigh three hours ago, and it still hurts when I walk.
There is never a reason to hit your kid, and this isn't the first time he has been violent to exude his dominance. He has threatened to hit me hundreds of times and he hit my mother several times, another thing you never have the right to do, regardless of what they are doing.
There is every reason to hit your kid when they just aren't fucking listening and doing disgusting retarded stuff like leaving pizza boxes all over your room. Don't be a fucking moron. You're a grown man. Stop coming to an internet forum and crying.
It may not have been justified in hitting you, but nobody is perfect, and you are a lot further from being perfect than he is.
Your life is pathetic because of your own decisions and you trying to blame your father for it is weak. Grow up, or shut up.
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On March 14 2011 18:12 SolHeiM wrote:
I think it's funny how people seem to think what my dad did was justified. Again, it doesn't matter where he hit me or what I had done prior. He hit me in the thigh three hours ago, and it still hurts when I walk.
There is never a reason to hit your kid, and this isn't the first time he has been violent to exude his dominance. He has threatened to hit me hundreds of times and he hit my mother several times, another thing you never have the right to do, regardless of what they are doing.
Tell you what
I'm 21, same as you. Lets compare our lives.
I, like you, chose to eschew working especially hard at school. Like you, I LOOOOVE videogaming. However, I recognise that it is just a hobby, not a serious life prospect. I've held a full time job since I was 18. I moved out shortly before my 19th birthday, buying an apartment of my own that I have lived in ever since. I am engaged to be married as of May 2010, still hold that full time job, and still manage 2-3 hours of Starcraft 2 a night (no kids yet).
My parents hit me a couple times when I was growing up. And do you know what? I fucking deserved it every single time it happened. Do you know why? Because I was being an arrogant little fuckhead who thought he knew better than his parents despite having no life experience at that point. And thats what you are. An arrogant little fuckhead who thinks he knows better despite having basically a pathetic excuse for a life due to his own laziness and idiocy.
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Dude... You're 21.
move the fuck out.
NOW.
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You're not a child anymore, theres a big difference between hitting a child and hitting an adult, if you don't like the situation your in move out instead of bitching about your father who is paying for your lifestyle which you cannot seem to appreciate. He's out there working just so you can sit around and do nothing, and in return you can't even return a semblance of respect and clean your own shit up?
Sounds like you need to grow up and act your age instead of acting like a self absorbed child who only cares about them self and acts without regard for others.
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you're both making mistakes, its stupid to put this all one him, you don't understand him, he doesn't understand you and both aren't able too. this will not be fixed as long as you be in the same house.
you're only fix will be to move out, and see later if it will go better or if it'll stay this way. im not saying you're father is right. i mean saying stuff like "almost got into" etc and still living in the past (video games suck) say alot for him. but really you won't be innocent yourself either even if you dont realize that
move out, really, ive been there
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Hrmm there's no situation when it's okay to use violence when raising your children. For me it gets weird when you are a grown man and let him do this.
Edit: I now realize it only happened once, so don't speak to him for a year or two and move out
My father was a dick to me when I was your age so I moved into my girlfriends house and a few months later we got our own apartment. Had I been single a similar story would probably have unfolded with a friend of mine.
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On March 14 2011 18:18 fenixdown wrote:What where you expecting consolation or 100% approval of your reactions/actions? Show nested quote +On March 14 2011 08:09 SolHeiM wrote:
If I knew for a 100% certain that the world was going to end and we would all end with it and there was no chance of preventing it, I would probably murder a certain individual I despise. Maybe rape someone because I know it won't matter shortly anyway.
I definitely wouldn't be sitting around doing nothing though, as I think most people wouldn't go numb but crazy. Well I'm pretty damn sure your parents did a poor job if you can come up with crap like this... just fucking GROW UP and in the process get some fucking help too.
Holy fucking shit. Thanks for posting that, fenix.
SolHeiM, you are a pathetic excuse for a human being. You claim you'd willingly torture an innocent girl in her final hours of life, then expect our goddamn sympathy because you got hit on the fucking thigh?
I agree with fenix. Get some fucking help.
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I went through similar shit, and in fact still am to some extent. My dad can be awesome. He is a hard working guy and I can respect him for that. But when it comes to things with my mother he becomes a complete shithead. My parents are still together and I live with them while going through school.
My mom is actually the problem, she is such a bitch and she is insane, it is unbearable living with her most of the time. But here is how I deal with it. Eventually I just stopped caring. For the most part I ignore her when she bitches and just leave the house if shit gets serious. I work a good amount now and go to school so I am not home a lot for her to bitch at, but when I am she usually finds a reason.
I used to get into physical fights with my dad which resulted in us going to the police station a couple of times, me being put on PINS petitions which are generally for drug addicts but I got put on it because my parents were/are dicks.
Anyway that was just to kind of get you to understand that I see where you are coming from. If you finished school or have a decent/good job I would say just leave. Get a job, get your own place, don't talk to your parents anymore. Problem solved. I plan on doing that when I finish school. Just leaving and not looking back.
The point is, make sure you think what you do through. Don't fuck up rest of your life by dropping out of school/university to go work as a waiter for the rest of your life. I chose to put up with my parents shit because its more economical for me to do that, even if I hate my life at times. Currently my parents pay for most of my food, and my school. Plus I get a place to live. Since I owe money and would like to get out of debt it makes the most sense for me to do that. However if at any time I seriously just can't take it anymore I will just join the military now, which will allow me to pursue school at a later time and further my career goals. I plan to join the military either way though. If I wait until I have a bachelors I would make more money and come in at a higher rank which is worth it to me to deal with them for another 1.5 years.
If you can support yourself, or if you seriously can't take it anymore and you have the means do do it all on your own, then go for it. But make sure to weigh the costs of leaving versus the benefits of staying, even if there are cons. Just make sure not to be rash and not to fuck up your life for this. Currently what I plan to do is finish my bachelors while getting out of debt, join the military for a bit and see the world then come back and do something in law enforcement. I can easily alter that and finish school while in the military, but I wouldn't make as much money. Roughly 10k/year less. So I can wait and deal with my parents for those benfits
Just make your decision and make sure to think it out. Good luck with everything.
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My dad's Korean, and has/had some anger management issues, mostly due to stress at work. On those days if I fucked up, I'd get fucked up. A lot of parents hit their children, and although I am against it, it's obviously the fastest method to set your child straight(at a young age anyways).
But seriously, your 21.. My parents stopped hitting me when I started high school. You have all the tools necessary to do whatever you want, so either show more respect to your father by doing what he expects or move out.
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Sounds to me like your father should have hit you a lot earlier in life, that way you might have some self-discipline.
You take the stance that your present state is the result of your upbringing, i.e. learned behaviours from your parents. If so, then surely a natural course of action is to hit him back. Perhaps that's the jolt you need to change your life (you'd certainly be moving out after that).
Unless perhaps you have some delusional belief that despite the trials of your upbringing, despite it all, you can win this battle by claiming the moral highground.
Perhaps Dhalphir was spot on with his analysis?On March 14 2011 17:56 Dhalphir wrote:
There are two circumstances in which it is okay to still be living at home at age 21.
2) You're mentally or physically disabled in some way and dependent on constant care.
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ALLEYCAT BLUES50600 Posts
leave now,and man up while your at it.
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Move out if you have the money for it.
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Guys guys! You don't get it. Nothing is his fault because his parents raised him to be the way he is. If they were better at raising him he would be a successful billionaire playboy by now, but too bad they dropped the ball.
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Honestly it sounds like your dad has it a lot rougher then you... he got a divorce, got a random girl who does not care about him pregnant, and was convicted of a crime... help him out man... it sounds like hes had it a lot rougher than you... he probably looks at you and sees a lot of potential and wants to motivate you although it might be in the wrong way by hitting you (which i honestly think its not) ... or maybe he wants you to get up off your ass and get a part time job and lift a finger around the house
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Rofl what a joke
Wahhhh, im 21 and I take no responsibility for myself, Its everyone elses fault I'm not successful and it wasn't for them, i'd probably be a progamer living in korea making a million dollars a year.
The only mistake your dad has made is not kicking you out of the house. You need to learn to take some fucking responsibility for yourself. You're an adult, and have been an adult for some time now. Start acting like one and not a fucking baby.
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I thought I would weigh in with an unpopular opinion and just state that I think many of these comments are overly critical. Many people are judging this guy using their own life/own context, ie. "when I was your age.....". Often you can't use your own upbringing and values to judge others.
Rules regarding children leaving home, children looking after parents in later life or rules regarding discipline, employment options or castes can be totally different between countries or cultures. Unless you know the OP from other posts on TL maybe it's not a good idea to bash him so hard. Telling him to quit whining and man up is unlikely to help him improve himself anyway.
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On March 14 2011 20:53 ~ava wrote:
I thought I would weigh in with an unpopular opinion and just state that I think many of these comments are overly critical. Many people are judging this guy using their own life/own context, ie. "when I was your age.....". Often you can't use your own upbringing and values to judge others.
Rules regarding children leaving home, children looking after parents in later life or rules regarding discipline, employment options or castes can be totally different between countries or cultures. Unless you know the OP from other posts on TL maybe it's not a good idea to bash him so hard. Telling him to quit whining and man up is unlikely to help him improve himself anyway.
Even though I see where you're comming from with this comment, I do disagree with you. The OP chose to post this publically and we can't really do anything but judge him by the text he have written. And from this little information, he does seem very immature and it's probably good for him to read comments like these from people with no relation to him or his family.
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You sound a bit liked a spoiled brat. Do yourself a favor and have a look at your post. It's actually just a long complaint of how cruel the world has been to you.
No one has an easy path, despite what you may think and at the end of the day, its what YOU make of it that will make the difference in your life.
Wake up, get a grip and start shaping your life. No one else is going to do it for you.
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On March 14 2011 21:00 shinwa wrote:Show nested quote +On March 14 2011 20:53 ~ava wrote:
I thought I would weigh in with an unpopular opinion and just state that I think many of these comments are overly critical. Many people are judging this guy using their own life/own context, ie. "when I was your age.....". Often you can't use your own upbringing and values to judge others.
Rules regarding children leaving home, children looking after parents in later life or rules regarding discipline, employment options or castes can be totally different between countries or cultures. Unless you know the OP from other posts on TL maybe it's not a good idea to bash him so hard. Telling him to quit whining and man up is unlikely to help him improve himself anyway. Even though I see where you're comming from with this comment, I do disagree with you. The OP chose to post this publically and we can't really do anything but judge him by the text he have written. And from this little information, he does seem very immature and it's probably good for him to read comments like these from people with no relation to him or his family.
I think you're mostly right and if I use my 'reasonable brain' to assess him based on the OP alone then that's fair enough. I guess I just wanted to temper peoples' anger. I didn't leave home until 21 because I lived with mentally ill grandparents that said they would hurt themselves if I left, all of us suffer from anxiety disorder (amongst other things) and if I'd been told to 'man the fuck up' back then I'd have fallen to pieces.
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EPT
