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I think it's time for you to get a job. Not having grades enough to get into any university and making a rage blog about it instead of doing something about it is pretty indicative of a complete lack of motivation and discipline.
You should have done your military service, that would have given you discipline but at this point it's kind of too late for that so what you need instead is a job with responsibilities and a chain of command.
Doesn't have too be something boring - you could be a game tester or community manager - anything's good. Junior assistant at a company unrelated to gaming would also work or even something in public transport or a cabdriver. Ultimately - what's important is that you get the accountability and responsibility you need. Once you have it, it won't be hard completing what's left of high school while still working and eventually move on to uni or a higher position within the company.
Living amongst pizza cartons and unwashed utensils? Really? Regardless of why - you have to realize that it's something worth remedying. Just by watching movies you should have been given a basic understanding of the concept of dignity, regardless of neglect by your parents.
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On March 14 2011 20:53 ~ava wrote:
I thought I would weigh in with an unpopular opinion and just state that I think many of these comments are overly critical. Many people are judging this guy using their own life/own context, ie. "when I was your age.....". Often you can't use your own upbringing and values to judge others.
Rules regarding children leaving home, children looking after parents in later life or rules regarding discipline, employment options or castes can be totally different between countries or cultures. Unless you know the OP from other posts on TL maybe it's not a good idea to bash him so hard. Telling him to quit whining and man up is unlikely to help him improve himself anyway.
Ok, here's another post of his.
On March 14 2011 08:09 SolHeiM wrote:
If I knew for a 100% certain that the world was going to end and we would all end with it and there was no chance of preventing it, I would probably murder a certain individual I despise. Maybe rape someone because I know it won't matter shortly anyway.
I definitely wouldn't be sitting around doing nothing though, as I think most people wouldn't go numb but crazy.
Courtesy of fenix.
Anyways...you're just as much to blame as he is. You've got the ability to get a job somewhere. Yeah, maybe video games are a good time-sink, and maybe they can get you somewhere in life.
Nothing's gonna do shit for you if you don't get up and do something about it. Maybe go to school so you don't have to wave a magic wand to get a job at Blizzard, or anywhere else? Maybe stop blaming everything on your father? My household is shitty. Essentially the same deal. Anger issues with my father, split up parents causing grief, and I hate it here. I absolutely HATE IT. Like the fist of the north star.
So, do you want to know what I do and don't do?
Don't
-Sit here and go qq my father sucks.
-Say it's my parents fault that my life isn't what it could be.
-Do things that I know piss them off. I have...two glasses up here from last night. I pass right by the kitchen every day on my way out. Take shit down on way out of door, never have more than a night's worth of stuff up here. Problem solved, no more Dad going "DO YOU HAVE ANY GLASSES UPSTAIRS?!?" Trust me, I used to NEVER bring this stuff downstairs and I'd have more glasses up here than a bar.
Do
-Sit on my ass and play video games all night. When I don't have stuff I need to do, I sit here just as much as anyone else. I was even worse when I still played WoW.
-Things that need to be done to MITIGATE THE ANGER ISSUES. We had a lot of property damage from a storm a few weeks ago. The shit just sat out in the front yard for two weeks before I went out there and started cutting the trees that had fallen down, cleaning the siding off the house that was falling off...Did I do this because I wanted to? Fuck no, Dragon Age 2 came out and I wanted to sit here and play it. Was it worth being told I was a lazy fuck? No. Heck I was only halfway done when he came outside and said he'd pay someone to do the rest. Easy.
-I'm working full time. I've worked full time from the minute I got out of high school. I didn't get accepted into college because my video gaming fucked everything up my Junior / Senior year. I learned from my mistakes, I did NOT say "oh man I wish Dad had raised me to be more diligent *starts up WoW*" I went out and got a job at a Border Cafe running food for tables for basically shit pay, but it got me out of the house, for starters, and didn't make it feel (to myself and my father) that I was going to just sit on my ass here forever and not do a single damn thing. Not only that, but it got me into a full time agency job and I travel all over the States as well as places in Europe / Australia, and nowhere but expansion in my future.
At the very least you can try to make things better. My relationship with my father has improved tenfold since I actually made an effort to be anything more than a lazy slug. What are you doing now, and what was I doing in the past? We were both another "thing" in the day that father has to deal with. Put yourself in his shoes, and I know you think "oh his parenting sucks lolol" but okay, YOU fucked up your parenthood, and you have this 21 year old lazy kid that hates it here, and you know it. Would that be something you would want to deal with every day of your life? No, probably not. Cut him some slack and put some effort into your life, you can't always let shit like this fester, take some action now before it gets worse...because that's all it's going to do if you continue doing what you're doing now.
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Wow, I don't understand you at all. You say they did a fucked up job raising you and that's why you are acting up but if you know you're fucked up, change for god's sake!
I am fairly certain you deserved a smacking and while I agree it is generally not to OK to hit a child...YOU are no longer a child! Take responsibility for your actions and grow up. I can't believe your parents haven't kicked you out already. There's a saying in Sweden called "Curling parents" and you are, in some sense, a product of parental curling.
Man, you'd be so fucked if they stopped paying for your slacking and made you responsible for your own food/lodging OR it'd be the oportunity your life and maybe you'd make something of yourself. Either way, I hope, for your own sake that they kick you out ASAP. My guess you'd end up an "A-lagare" living off my tax money.
Sorry if I come off harsh, your attitude just rub me in every wrong way.
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You don't seem to be doing anything to further your situation..... Just bitching.....
In a few years, either you'll man up and realize what a piece of shit you've been and actually regret posting this, or you'll still be a piece of shit.
If living there is so miserable, either move the fuck out, or grin and bear it to get the grades needed to get into uni. Living in the basement like a fucking slob is not going to solve any of your problems. Ever.
PS - e-sports and videogaming is a hobby..... Limit yourself, and you'll find you have tons of time to do whatever.
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I'm going to assume that you're battling a case of severe depression. What you've described sounds A LOT like it, and being one that's been battling depression for years now, I've become fairly familiar with the signs. Try taking this short test (10 very easy questions) and see how you do.
http://depression.about.com/cs/diagnosis/l/bldepscreenquiz.htm
If it indicates depression, I'd recommend that you consult with a mental health specialist. It can only help. They can provide non-judgmental advice (which there's a disappointing lack of in the responses here) as well as different sorts of practices to help you battle the difficulties of depression. This sounds like a service the government would provide in Sweden, though I don't know for sure. Even if you're not depressed, speaking with a mental health specialist wouldn't be a bad idea.
For people that have never been severely depressed, it can be difficult to understand what life is like for those that are. Basically, everything about life becomes 10x more difficult. Even doing the simplest tasks becomes difficult. You feel as if you have no energy at all, and life more or less comes to a halt because you hate almost everything about your life, yet doing anything about it is extremely draining. Motivating yourself to do anything at all feels like climbing a mountain. You feel immense guilt because you know you're a burden on those around you and hate yourself for that, and you hate yourself for being so weak that you can't even motivate yourself to do something as simple as turning in a job application or doing the dishes. You're deeply ashamed of almost everything in your life, and the inability to do anything about it enhances those feelings.
Does any of that sound familiar? If not, I'm sorry for making the assumption that you're severely depressed.
Anyway, I'd like to recommend something that helped me when I was in a similar situation a couple years back.
Think of one positive thing you can do each day. It can be something simple, like cleaning up the cutlery in your room, or completing some household chore, or turning in a job application. Make a list of things you'd like to do to improve your life, and take them one by one (and yes, making the list counts for your daily accomplishment). Progress may be slow, but this way, you're never completely stagnated. You'll always be taking small steps towards improving your life. On top of that, you'll feel good afterward. Don't worry if you mess up one day, or the next day, or the next day. Just do your best to keep focusing on those things you'd like to do, and the days you do succeed, you're making progress =-).
Truthfully, there are a lot of things you need to take responsibility for in your life, especially your livelihood and such, and I think you understand that, so I won't elaborate on that any further. Do your best to shake off feelings of guilt, and keep chugging along. I'm guessing that a lot of this blog is venting, because your dad who doesn't really understand how it is and just thinks you're some incompetent, lazy idiot. You're not, and don't allow yourself to entertain those types of thoughts.
I'd also like to recommend a book that's offers a very good perspective on battling depression. Here's a link to it.
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336
Basically, it teaches you to challenge negative thoughts that arise in your head, thus helping you feel good =-). I'd recommend looking for a copy at a local library, or see if you can find it as an e-book. It's really a good read (though a little long, but even reading the first 100 pages is really useful).
I hope some of this helped =-).
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Dude I'm just 19 and I go to university, pay my bills and live with my girlfriend. And my kitchen is always nice and clean.
Looks like you have a problem like many said.
Also, unless you're studying to enter the video game industry with serious leads... yes, video games can be a waste of time.
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On March 14 2011 17:58 Sephy69 wrote:
I haven't read your blog yet, I will but I want to say this first~ then will comment after I read it.
It seems you might've wrote this blog to get some sort of comfort or maybe people who can relate to you. But from reading from the comments of the thread it seems that most disagree with what you're saying. Maybe this will finally teach and tell you that you need to grow up and get the point across that you are mostly also the one who is wrong.
Hopefully from reading these comments you can finally better yourself and maybe appreciate your father more.
Again, because some people seem to keep missing a most important point despite their criticism of SolHeiM being understandable: kids need to be taken care of. It is the parent's duty to be aware of that before having a child and to provide that care afterwards. Not only that, but in many countries this duty is a legal responsibility as well, going so far as to being legally obligated to provide for the growing adult until for example age 26 (Germany), unless your offspring is in a situation that allows them to cover those living expenses themselves. If it is their legal obligation then it cannot at the same time be an act of kindness and cannot be something to require any form of appreciation.
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You're 21 and still believe video games aren't a waste of time? Seriously? Sure they are great entertainment, I play them quite frequently, but if your life is as farked up as you say it is........then get off your lazy butt and do something with your life. At this point.....it's all your fault. Your 21, can't stay in school, don't have a job, live with your parents, and have no future. And yet you're defending sitting on your lazy butt and playing video games all day? Really?
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Of course parents need to take care of their kids and teach them their ways. But past teenage crisis, you actually need to take progressively control of your life.
Everyone should forget the idea that learning happens only as a result of being thaught.
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As someone who wasted the majority of their youth playing way too much videogames and ignoring my dad and thinking he was a dick, and as someone who is now an adult, I can tell you that you are probably going to look back and think you were the piece of shit, and realise your dad was pretty alright.
Whatever though. Stop playing videogames so much.
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Parenthood is a lot harder than you might think it is. At some point you have to stop blaming your parents for everything and do things for yourself. I think you're aware that living like a pig is a bad thing, and that being lazy and not doing anything with your life is bad. Do you think because you weren't taught this at a young age (yeah right) that you can't learn it now? Hell, you know it now. Why are you still being lazy if you know it's bad? It doesn't make sense. Your dad is doing what he can to get you off your butt and you're still saying he isn't trying to help you?
A slap in the thigh is not abuse. It's the most mushy, least damaging place I can think of to hit someone. Words aren't getting thru to you so maybe he thought physical discipline would? If he wanted to hurt you, if he wanted to take his aggression out on you, he'd have hit you in the face because you're a damn brat. Yeah, he had a part in that, but right now you are not trying at all. Please take a lesson from the reaction of people on this forum and start picking yourself up.
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You really should leave the house. Get a job and move on. If he keeps hitting you until you get a place, hit him back.
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On March 14 2011 17:15 SolHeiM wrote:
2. I'm wasting my life away.
He thinks video games are a waste of time, regardless of what you do. He has it in his eyes that all video games are one of a kind and that when a new one comes out everyone starts at square one. StarCraft1/BW -> StarCraft 2 is proof of the contrary, but he doesn't understand that. His favorite thing to say in order to mock my hobby is "Video gaming is time wasted awaiting death." Great parenting, telling me how I'm wasting my life away. Does he not realize just how much you can do in the gaming community, or in the video game industry?
This is just precious.
DADDY DADDY! This guy Day9 defied ridiculous odds because he's got charisma and work ethic I can only dream of, and I'm gonna be just like him!!! I'm not wasting my time, I'M BUILDING MY RESUME. WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND????
there's been so many spoiled little shit blogs on this site but this one is really something special!
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There's nothing wrong with being a slacker and enjoying video games. Those things are not incompatible with being an adult ('let the surfer surf'). But you have to understand that no one apart from your peers in the current state of the culture is going to understand your hobby and you need to start taking responsibility for yourself. If you're staying at home, you need to be as respectful and as clean as possible, and share the housework. You need a full-time job and pay your rent. If you would rather leave, get a small apartment with a work colleague. Not everyone wants to work or study, no one wants to have to put up with people who are ignorant. But you have to make the best of it.
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I'd hate you too if you hoarded all the cutlery in the house in your room because you couldn't bother to wash them after you used them.
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On March 14 2011 23:17 kidleader wrote:
Not everyone wants to work or study
And these people are called bums. Get a job, save up some money, move out.
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I am fighting my urgue to answer you in swedish since it just feels better raging at someone in swedish...
First of all: You should go to your father and THANK him for letting you stay in his house (not paying rent and eating for free i assume?) and generally leaching off him despite being 21 years old.
Second: The absolutely very least you should do if you are allowed to stay there is to keep your shit tidy. Seriously, stop acting like a spoiled brat blaming your parent for you being to lazy to even take out used pizza cartons (lol!).
Third: a more reasonable behaviour from you if you are living at home at the age of 21 not working and not studying is to handle cleaning for the whole house, making dinner once a day and taking care of the lawn/garden if you have any. Repaying your fathers KINDNESS by making his life as easy as possible.
When i was 23 i vent through a rough time getting fired from my job and having to leave my apartment, my parents allowed me to move back into the tiniest room you can imagine but i was never anything but grateful. To show my gratitude for their kindness i did all chores, all cooking and walked the dog 4-5 times/day while they worked. You just seem to whine.
As for gaming... unless you can make a living off it NOW it is just a hobby and should be treated as such, playing on your spare time after work is one thing. Leaching off your father and playing all day is another.
And i agree it is wrong to hit a kid, but you are a grown man. If you are so lazy you cant even throw out your pizza cartons a hit on the thigh is long overdue. I would honestly kick you out on the curb if you where my brother (cant relate to son since i have none, but brother is also close family).
Seriously: Get your shit together, move out and get a job.
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Maybe instead of criticizing your father so much you should take a look at your own situation.
You're 21 and live at home, which isn't a problem, but it's not your house anymore, he's under no obligation to let you stay there. You apparently sit at your computer long enough to accrue like 8 days worth of cutlery beside you and you are still too lazy to bring it to the goddamn dishwasher.
Do you work, go to school? You're a grown up, act like one. Don't cry because he gave you a charlie horse
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On March 14 2011 23:30 DoubleZee wrote:And these people are called bums. Get a job, save up some money, move out.
You've misunderstood. Not wanting to work doesn't mean you don't. I sure as hell wouldn't if I didn't have to.
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if ur 21 ur dad is probably at least like 45, if he hits u again fight him. choke his ass out.
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EPT
