Talking to girls and being confident. [pics] - Page 4

On January 16 2011 01:59 shinosai wrote:
To me, this really sounds like a guide of how to make friends that happen to be girls rather than how to get a girlfriend. Several points here that will make you instant friend material... admitting that you're shy, waiting several months as friends and becoming the girls emotional tampon before you try to begin the relationship... none of these things develop attraction.

The only good advice in here is to be confident. But if you're not already confident? Great advice here, just let the girl know that you're not confident instead of practicing.

I liked the pictures, but this girl advice coming from a girl sounds like pretty much every girl advice blog. You've got a girl who knows what she likes in friends, but she doesn't fully grasp what a guy does to make her attracted. Why would she? She's not picking up girls. Would you rather learn how to pitch from the guy pitching or the catcher?

On January 15 2011 20:05 Ko1tz wrote:
Loved the pictures lol :D

I read the whole thing and I have some questions!

There's this girl (my best friend actually ouch!), I've known her for about 2 years (almost 3). We talk every day, we help eachother with out problems and all that stuff best friends do...anyway, like arounch march of 2010 I started having feelings for her, I was in a horrible situation at that moment (I was doing my best to get over a really bad relationship) and all she did was to try to cheer me up as much as possible, she even bought a chocolate cake (like...the single best cake I had...EVER!) for my birthday (nobody has ever donde this to me :/ ) and of course, before I knew it I really started to like her.

Anyways, around like june I started getting all depresive, she started feeling unconfortable around me since I was all creepy and what not, posting -as you said- stupid emo facebook statuses and all that jazz. I was seriously going crazy and I thought that the best thing I could do was to tell her, so that's what I did, I told her what I was feeling (by "tuenti", that is like the spanish facebook or something...pathetic). She told me not to worry, that she will never actually "stop" being friends with me because of that.

Now, here comes the "main" part of this. Right before I went to Canada (the first 3 weeks of December) she kept telling me that she wished that she had come with me...that she wanted me to take many pics...etc etc, she then told me that she wanted to go out with me when I returned to Paris, like to celebrate on our own way "new years eve".

We went out, we took many pictures, she told me she didn't invite anyone else because she only wanted to be with me and at the end of the day she told me that she really appreciated me alot and that she had a great time.

This means that i'm confused as hell now, is it even possible for a girl to go from not liking you to linking you in 6 months?, we talk alot (even more than before) on a regular basis and she keeps telling me that if she had some time free she would love to go out again to drink some coffe or to visit random parks to take pictures (we both enjoy photography :D).

Should I keep my cool and continue like this? or should I try something before she loses interest? I'm a shy guy (what a surprise!) and whenever my friends tell me to go for it I tell them that it is impossible for me, i'm scared as hell of rejection and I don't want another year depressed or whatever. For now everything is too good to be true and I seriously don't want to screw up everything.

I guess that's about it lol, if you don't understand something, just tell me and I will rephrase it. My English isn't that great

On January 15 2011 20:09 Haemonculus wrote:
this is all your text it's superrrr longgg sorry i'm not quoting it allll ♥

On January 15 2011 20:14 DNB wrote:
What is it with girls always telling you these long guides how finding a girl is some sort of rocket science?

Best way to find out if a girl likes you is to grab her by the ass. If she slaps you or is in any other way uncomfortable, repeat it on another girl. Eventually someone will accept you and you will be able to pass on your genetic material, thus fulfilling your evolutionary purpose.

On January 15 2011 20:32 7mk wrote:
good effort, I liked some of the parts, but I really disagree with how you mention friendship, to me it sounds a bit naive and, no offense, makes me wonder how old you are.
Because in my experience if you're interested in someone it's almost always bad to become friends. You should decide what you want right from the start and I dont think the friendship->relationship transition happens often for adults.
It's also one of the biggest mistakes young nerdlings do in their youth, become the BFF of the girl they're in love with. Do not get friendzoned. After that you have very little chance. If you like someone, show your intentions (without saying "i like you" preferably, you dont have to spell it out T_T)
Of course everything depends on the girl, because women aren't all the same, maybe it's less the case for the geeky, nerdy type like haemonculus mentions, also there are of course couples who were friends first, but I am pretty sure it's the case for the majority of women.

On January 15 2011 20:19 hp.Shell wrote:
Awesome topic, I'm kind of isolated in general at the moment, basically starting all over in terms of friendships and confidence and such. One of the things I've thought about recently is finding something that will give me unwavering courage to move forward and be positive, because right now I feel so negative that I have to actively monitor myself and actively think positively at all times, instead of letting it happen naturally. The thing I came up with is a tree... I'm going to find a tree and basically become friends with it (visit it a couple times a week) so I can learn things from it (how to be strong in any situation).

The biggest obstacle for me is having confidence in my mind but not being able to express it with my body (through words or actions). Then when I try, I probably seem too interested / try too hard to listen to them so it becomes awkward.

Anyway, I've heard a lot of advice about a lot of different things, but I think the most important thing I could take from this was the confidence bubble. It's easier for me to visualize a bubble than it is to just say "oh, well there's this thing called a comfort zone..." because wtf is a comfort zone? I used to think of it as something that could be there whenever you feel like it. Like, if you feel horrible, it's not there. But a bubble seems more consistent, so we'll go with that for now. Haha. Really enjoy your insight, and the characters. ^_^

Time to go work on stretching my bubble. lol

On January 16 2011 02:24 Count9 wrote:
how do you deal with one sentence answers? I don't have trouble talking to girls that like talking already, but what gets me is when I ask something like "so what do you do for fun after exams?" or w/e and they give me a short list and stop talking. When I ask for more detail on what they like it's one more sentence and silence. So annoying, makes me never want to speak to them again cause it's so awkward, like an interrogation or something.

On January 15 2011 23:45 Jstor wrote:


I can tell you from first hand experience that approaching girls at the mall does not work. I've tried every approach in the book on about a hundred girls with no success there. I think you'll just come off as annoying rather than interesting in a mall setting.

On January 15 2011 23:00 Elegance wrote:
Hey you wanna take a look at my blog (newest one) and give me an input on that one? (I want a female perspective). Girl logic is not something men will ever understand

On January 15 2011 23:17 Aeres wrote:
Informative stuff from somebody in the position to know? Check.
Cute pictures? Check.

It seems the two prerequisites for an awesome blog have been met. Excellent work!!

I love you, Raleigh.

+ Show Spoiler +

On January 15 2011 21:17 nepeta wrote:
A couple more of these things and people can discontinue their girl-problem blogs, gg!

I wonder what a d-bag is though :o

On January 15 2011 21:23 cArn- wrote:
Your long blog like post here ~

On January 15 2011 22:06 Roe wrote:
hopefully this is the girl blog to end all girl blogs!

On January 15 2011 22:20 Ayush_SCtoss wrote:
Omg those pictures are so cuuuute!

I will definitely be reading this again. I am a really shy 15 yr old but I think I could use your advice if not all. Too bad, not everyone here speak good enough english to converse properly (according to my experiences) so its going to be hella hard.
Thanks for taking your time to do this.

On January 15 2011 22:42 Severedevil wrote:

The same advice applies to guys!

On January 16 2011 01:59 shinosai wrote:
To me, this really sounds like a guide of how to make friends that happen to be girls rather than how to get a girlfriend. Several points here that will make you instant friend material... admitting that you're shy, waiting several months as friends and becoming the girls emotional tampon before you try to begin the relationship... none of these things develop attraction.

The only good advice in here is to be confident. But if you're not already confident? Great advice here, just let the girl know that you're not confident instead of practicing.

I liked the pictures, but this girl advice coming from a girl sounds like pretty much every girl advice blog. You've got a girl who knows what she likes in friends, but she doesn't fully grasp what a guy does to make her attracted. Why would she? She's not picking up girls. Would you rather learn how to pitch from the guy pitching or the catcher?

On January 16 2011 02:24 Count9 wrote:
how do you deal with one sentence answers? I don't have trouble talking to girls that like talking already, but what gets me is when I ask something like "so what do you do for fun after exams?" or w/e and they give me a short list and stop talking. When I ask for more detail on what they like it's one more sentence and silence. So annoying, makes me never want to speak to them again cause it's so awkward, like an interrogation or something.

On January 16 2011 03:05 Dieoxhide wrote:


Aww, if I just knew what you looked like Raeleigh, I would definetly picture you giving me the 'thumps up' next time I took a wee in public.

A lot of hugsy love, Dieoxhide <3

On January 16 2011 03:18 Backpack wrote:
This is all good advice but I feel that lots of people with girl problems are overthinking them. Getting a girlfriend/boyfriend isn't a build order. You're not going to succeed just by memorizing the food count of when Flash put down his first factory.

My advice is to just be confident and be yourself but don't go looking for a date or else you'll be constantly upset when you don't get one. Just have fun wherever you do your social stuff (school, football games, malls, techno clubs etc.) and if you happen to get a girl out of it, consider it a bonus to the fun you were already having.

Like another poster said, it's not rocket science, it's just a matter of luck. Every cute girl you see IS NOT going to want to date you so don't force the issue. Just move on until you find one that does.

On January 16 2011 04:56 Kyuukyuu wrote:


I agree with this... but iirc "how to get a girlfriend" wasn't advertised in the thread title anyway. I think this was more for the shy guys who won't talk to any girl, not just the ones they like.

Not to give the wrong idea because I enjoyed the blog and the pictures, but if you've read this and decided to go use all these tips to build attraction it's not gonna work so well D:

On January 16 2011 05:55 Kakera wrote:
[your long post]

I think I covered that well, though i tend to ramble /sigh Anything you don't get I'll clear up in the effort of transparency.
Edit: Just read your above post which cleared up what you were trying to get at with your blog. In which case I agree. Just take this rambling rant as a thought on longdistance coupling and my overall advice to be careful of that line b/w friend/tampon and boyfriend material. Friends get to actually know the girl, boyfriends tend to just get to fuck that girl you know. Fact of life, get used to it bros.

On January 16 2011 06:44 kainzero wrote:
I really, really hate advice that goes something like "Be confident!" or "Be yourself!"

Confidence comes from the experience of success, to where you know how to get what you want and you're absolutely sure that what you are doing will work. You can't fake experience. Everyone can see when someone's trying to be confident when they're not; body language, general uncomfortableness, etc. You gain confidence, but you can't simply "be" it.

As for "being yourself" I find that it's the most useless but nicest sounding advice out there.
"Yo man, there's this girl I like but I'm too shy to talk to her."
"It's alright. Just be yourself."
"Okay... so you're telling me to continue to be shy and not talk to her, 'cause that's who I am. Got it."

"Be yourself" sounds great because it sounds like you don't have to change and that the answers are all there. They're not. You have to change somehow. You might have to change from being so introverted. You might have to not talk about yourself all the time. You might have to talk about yourself all the time. Whatever is, there's some change that has to happen and "being yourself" tells you nothing.

------

Nevertheless the general advice given here is good, which is advice that everyone should use for everything.

1: Try
2: Whether you are successful or not, learn from it
3: Repeat 1-2

With the most common errors being
1: You aren't trying enough.
2: You aren't properly evaluating why you are / are not successful.

On January 16 2011 07:10 Haemonculus wrote:
Ohhhh I may have misinterpreted the OP. I assumed this was geared towards dating advice, or "how to approach girls in a way leading to romantic/sexual involvement."

On January 16 2011 05:11 Raeleigh wrote:

The thing is, once you're friends, and you're both equally interested, it's easier to transition into a relationship than it would be before becoming friends.
I agree with the idea of not becoming best friends, I think that's very obvious.
But, there are way you can be friends, and still show you're interested. Often times, it'll be returned, and then you know that you can go a bit beyond friends if you really wanted.
Before I was dating my boyfriend, I had a guy friend who I was extremely interested in, and had been for about 6 months. We stayed as friends the whole time, but there was that feeling of being able to start dating and it wouldn't be weird. You know?
Just gotta find the line and stick to it.
Thanks for the input! =P I'm 20, since you're wondering.

On January 16 2011 07:25 Raeleigh wrote:
Sorry I don't make myself clear! x_x
The main idea of this blog was to really focus on the guys who have a hard time starting that first line of a communication with a girl.

I feel i'm personally well fitted to help with something like this. I was a lot more shy when I was younger, but I spent the time figuring out what made me shy, and thought of a reaction to this action.
Now, I make friends easily, I get along with most people, and I absolutely love socializing.

The underlying idea was that once you have this line of communication, obviously depending on the type of girl it is and type of relationship you have, then creating the friendship, and moving onto the getting into a relationship phase.

This is all the basis for a healthy relationship in my opinion. There are so many factors that can go into a great relationship. But this, if you're shy, would be a great way to start out something that you can enjoy and really find what your limits are.

If you're looking for a fuck buddy, watch Jersey Shore. Apparently asking a girl if she's DTF and showing her your abs is an A+ Technique. ^_~

On January 16 2011 07:50 7mk wrote:
Well if you have two people and they are both interested in each other then that's a pretty damn good basis for something to happen, yes.
But women dont always know if they want you or not, or they are too shy or whatever to do anything about it, if you're a bit aggressive then you can turn the whole situation into something happening.
If she gets to know you as a friend first then the whole excitement if meeting this new person just fades away and it's less and less likely anything is gonna happen.
Your counter example seems a bit weird - you were friends with someone for six months and you wouldnt have minded dating him, however - nothing happened.
Maybe that's because the guy felt like he should become friends with you first and if he had just straight out approached you in a different way and asked you out then he might've gotten what he wanted. Instead you were just friends for several months and then you met your current boyfriend.

You say "once you're friends and you're both equally interested, it's easier to transition into a relationship"
? If you just ask someone out and start dating - then that is quite clearly a lotttt easier to transition into a relationship than being friends with someone.


wtf it seriously took me more than 25 min to write this? damn i must be too drunk

On January 16 2011 07:53 7mk wrote:
OK guess I was like half wrong or something.
I still dont get this whole friendship first idea though. And I'm pretty sure most of the females I know wouldn't get it either.
But yeah you definitely seem extroverted now.