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Hey TeamLiquid! Enjoy my lame title? ^_~ I thought it'd be fun to post a blog with a few of my personal opinions on a few different subjects, and see how this turns out. I've been asked for advice before, and I was told it was genuinely good advice, and they enjoyed reading what I had to say, so I thought I might just post some stuff out in public for everyone to read. Now, I message a few people on TL.net sometimes, and we talk, and I've come up(with help) with 4 main topics I want to talk about. Just know, I'm doing this all from my point of view, from knowledge I have of people, girls, and to be helpful in someway. If you don't agree, that's alright, and I'd love to hear your opinion! [: I'm no expert in any means, but I thought it might be nice to hear things from a girls point of view. I'm speaking about girls in a general sense, so if I'm wrong and another girl wants to add to it, that'd be wonderful!
The 4 topics I want to talk about are; 1. How to initiate contact with a girl and Being too shy to make a move. 2. Anxiety. Being anxious about meeting people. Performance anxiety(affection). 3. Getting out of your comfort zone. 4. Not trying too hard and Overreacting to different situations.
Depending where you're meeting a girl, and just how shy you are, there are millions of ways to start talking to one. It depends on your comfort zone, how far you're willing to get out of that comfort zone, how anxious you are, how you're going to react to the situation if it goes well, or goes poorly.
1. When you want to start talking to a girl, chances are you've seen her before either on a different day, or you saw her earlier that day. The best thing to do is take mental note of maybe something she's doing, she has with her, or something she could be wearing(Anime Convention!). The biggest obstacle you have is how shy you are. From personal experience, as an example; I met my boyfriend at a Starcraft 2 tournament. I had my friends huge DSLR camera, and he came over and said, "Nice camera. " (He smiled after, so I included a smiley face!) I giggled and we started talking from there. He noticed what I had with me, and struck up a conversation about it. I learned from him that he also did photography, and we started talking more. Basically, we hung out for the rest of the day and talked lots more.
The thing you really need to remember is an opportunity missed today is an opportunity you probably won't get again. So being shy now is going to really harm any chance you have with a girl you may like. If you can't get that initial friendship down, there's nothing for a relationship to evolve from.
So, initiate the conversation. If you're at an anime convention, ask a girl if she's enjoying herself, if she's been to any fun events, or if she's seen any really cool cosplays. If you're at the mall, restaurant, somewhere public, ask how her day is going. A girl loves to see that you're actually interested in what she has to say. So pay attention. It may be difficult, but if you're sincerely interested in a girl, there's no reason not to be interested in what she says. Maybe she's got a camera with her, ask if she does lots of photography. If you think you can be funny, then try. If you think about it, if you mess up with this one girl you haven't met yet, as pretty of a silver jewel she is, there are plenty other diamonds out there. ;D (That was my attempt at a Starcraft 2 related girl joke. Oh boy.) There are many other girls you can talk to. Consider every time you talk to a girl a learning experience, and eventually you have an arsenal of cute conversation starters.
Best thing to do about shyness? As hard as it may be, but swallow any sort of shyness you may have, and just go for it. But you need to be confident in what you're doing. If you can't be 100% confident, don't fake it. I remember reading a thread that said, "Not confident yet? Fake it until it is." That's the worst way to do it. If you're not 100% confident yet, and you're getting there, you do the best with what you have. Being honest and being who you are is what a girl will want. I don't want someone to pretend they're confident, and pretend they're awesome. I want someone to know they're pretty confident, and know they're pretty awesome. So will other girls.
sup i'm a d-bag vs hey i'm a pretty cool guy tbh
There's no one else in this world but you who will know how to get over your own shyness. So take some time on your to really think about it. When do you get nervous, why do you get nervous? Figure those things about really think about ways to conquer them. Day[9] has said, going into a match with a game plan is the best way to do it, even if you don't stick to it. So, think of things you want to do, and try. If they don't work, try again. You're not going to be able to talk to a girl right way, or know how to start conversations, or get over your shyness with a few days. You really gotta work towards the better.
If you've got a girl that you're friends with, and you're interested in her, but too shy, try talking to her, and see what happens. Try to improve your confidence, and talk to her again. She'll notice the difference.
But that's all I can really say on the subjet. Be confident, and if you can't be, always do your best and think of ways to improve your confidence. Take the risk and ask a girl a question. Once you start talking to her, tell her you're a bit shy. It might turn out that she's a bit shy and socially awkward too. When you both know that about each other, it'd ease the feelings you both have a bit, and make a bit easier to talk. If there's lots of "umms" and "so..'s", that's okay. Take things slow.
Girls(in most cases) are extremely understanding, and are usually willing to try and relate to you. So don't hesistate to say, "Hey, I'm totally interested in talking to you, but I'm a bit shy right now, haha. Wanna go hang out a bit?" There's nothing wrong with being somewhat confident and saying you're interested in her, and wanting to hang out a bit more.
2. Something that plays hand in hand with Shyness is Anxiety. You're shy, so you worry. What are you worrying about? What people will think about you. You're then fearing talking to them. You get uneasy, and you decide, "Nevermind, i'll try again tomorrow." You head home, and you feel bad because you let your anxiety really take over.
In reality, there is nothing to be anxious about when you're meeting new people. Whether they're girls or guys, there should be no real fear. In most cases, they're feeling just as anxious or nervous as you are, and probably have all the same worries. From my experience, when you get the courage to start talking to a few people, they aren't judging you as harshly as you're judging yourself. They're observant, if anything. If you become friends with these people, and later in the friendship you're more comfortable around them, they'll definitely notice. They'll remember how nervous you were, how you became friends, and how you're totally awesome now, once you got over the anxiety and the nervous feelings.
The only thing I can really saying about anxiety is you need to be confident. That's the biggest thing when you're dealing with girls, or even new people. If you're with a group, and you're 25% confident, and you talk a bit, people will notice you. The more people notice you, the bigger chance they'll be interested in why you're nervous, or interested in talking to you.
When it comes to anxiety about affection towards a girl, let her know. Like I said, girls are understanding. Tell her, and if she cares she'll do her best to acomdate you, and to help you. If she doesn't care, she's not worth your time. An ex of mine before had serious anxiety problems. I did my best to acomadate him, to make him feel comfortable, to let him calm himself down from the anxiety he was feeling. If he needed a hug, needed to take a breather, needed some alone time, that was fine. If you think you need a moment, say you need a moment. Explain to your girlfriend, to the girl your interested in, to the people you're talking to, to the new people you're becoming friends with. Step outside, take a moment to breath, calm yourself, and try again. People appreciate how hard you're trying more than you probably know. Especially girlfriends or close friends.
The biggest thing with anxiety is knowing when it starts for you. When you do, find out what calms you down the best. You need to remember to have patience with yourself, and tell the people around you to have a bit of patience with you, because something like anxiety is extremely hard to deal with at times. Be patient and know that the more you work at it, the more time you spend with people, new people, the easier it will all get.
Of course, if you have serious anxiety problems, and they don't go away, talk to your doctor. Anxiety disorder is incredibly common nowadays, and there's nothing wrong if you have it. It just means you have a bit more to work through. Be confident you can do it. Keep your friends close, and ask them to support you, cause you really need it.
3. Your comfort zone is what you feel comfortable doing, what you feel confident doing. This has a role in anxiety, your shyness, and your confidence. You've gotta really break out of the bubble in order to start a conversation with a girl, to meet new people, to try new things.
if you're comfortable peeing in public, good job. *thumbs up*
Like getting over your shyness, and dealing with your anxiety, you just need to take it slow. Find out what you're comfortable doing, what you're uncomfortable doing, and tackle it one day at a time. If you're uncomfortable talking to a girl, or talking to new people, it'll show through. You need to really be willing to break away from the comfort zone, feel at least a bit confident in what you're doing, and do it. No questions, no second thoughts, nothing.
Test your comfort zone a bit more each day. Talk to that girl, and at least establish a friendship. The next day, ask her how her day was, what music she likes, what she does for fun. The next day, ask her more about herself, what she does for work, school, what she's really interested in. The next day, ask if she wants to hang out. Each day, you're pushing that limit a bit more. Really imagine you're in a bubble, and really imagine you're stretching it out, each day. Eventually, it'll be big enough that talking to a girl will be, quite literally, right in your comfort zone. Asking a girl to go watch a movie or to take a walk with you through the park will seem perfectly normal, and something you'll be comfortable AND confident doing. This is the positive way to get out of your comfort zone. By taking it slow, looking at ways to try something new and small each day.
There are ways, of course, to get out of your comfort zone in a negative way. You could decide, "Hey, i'm gonna jump out of this bubble today, and experience all the world has to offer. Right now." If things end up not going your way, and you start to panic, get shy, and lose your confidence, you'll be flopping around outside your comfort zone bubble with no comfort at all. You'll head home, lay in bed, and the bubble will slowly come back, and you'll regret what you did completely. You'll decide you won't do it again, and trying new things will really be out of the picture. So make sure you're not getting too cocky, or over confident, and you're taking things slow.
If you're talking to a girl, and you start to feel uncomfortable, tell her you'll talk to her later, and try again later. Girls understand that you feel uncomfortable. Chances are, she's felt it too. Once you establish a friendship with a girl, and you are becoming closer, it won't hurt to say "Hey, I'm kinda shy sometimes, sorry!", "I get kinda anxious sometimes, I hope you don't mind." or "I'm starting to feel more comfortable around you, maybe we can hang out sometime. " If a girl is intereted, even just a tiny bit, she'll love to know that you're trying to get comfortable around her, and that you want to hang out.
4. Something that guys will do, that I've noticed, is try too hard. Sometimes, a girl will love to see that you're trying so hard, but othertimes, it might really bother her, or she might find it really odd. You just gotta chill and let things work out how they're going to work out.
Trying to hard would be things like asking a girl to hang out every time you talk to her, or asking what she's doing next week all the time, or asking why she doesn't ever give you a straight answer when you ask if she wants to hang out. These are also borderline creepy. Just so you know. ^_~
When you've finally established that friendship with a girl, and you're talking to her, but worried she thinks you talk to much, do not act indifferent. Just wait for her to text you first next time, or give it a few days and come back and ask what's new in her life. If she talks to you, still act interested, but listen more than talk. If you act indifferent towards her, you're going to hurt her. If she's interested in you at all, she might rethink her interest and think, "Oh no, maybe he really doesn't like me.." and she'll stop before she gets hurt. Or, she may continue on. Really depends on the friendship you 2 have.
Ask her to hang out sometimes, but if she said she's busy, just tell her if she wants to hang out, think of a time and to get back to you, then drop the subject for a bit. Just talk normally, get to know her more, and then maybe after a few days, ask if she's thought about it. If she says no, no big deal, try again in a couple weeks.
If you try too hard to get a relationship going quickly, she'll get flustered and will back away. Of course, it could work, but more times than not, she'll want to be friends first, and get to know you more before she trusts you with her feelings or her heart. If you honestly, really like a girl, she'll be a time investment. You'll get to know her over a few months, she'll get to know you, and when(if) you finally start dating, it'll be rewarding, because you'll be close already from the friendship you two created.
So, to avoid trying too hard, just stay chill. Show you're interested, but don't drown her in yourself. Let her mull things over and really think about the possibility of you two. Let her talk to you first, or let her say "Hey, teach me how to play Starcraft 2."
Let her try to explore your interests, let her try to get to know you on her own without you telling her your lifestory. Once she's trying to get to know you, and trying to partake in your interests, tell her you like her. If she returns the feelings, fuck yeah you do awesome. If not, tell her that's fine, and if you want, stay friends with her. Just keep your head up, be positive, and know that maybe in the future it could work out, or, move on.
Now, if things don't go the way you want, and you're uncertain if her feelings for you are the same, don't overreact. A common mistake everone will make is to overreact, panic, and worry. If she doesn't return your feelings, and you're starting to get disappointed, don't overreact. Don't make it seem worse than it is. Just breath, and continue on with your life. The more you dwell on it, the more difficult it will be to move on, to let go. Yeah, your heart is broken, but it'll heal. The biggest thing is, time doesn't heal wounds. You heal them. You know better than anyone else about what makes you happy, what makes the pain go away. If she doesn't return your feelings, the pain will go away. You still have yourself and your friends, so there's no need to worry.
Overreacting is one of the things that can really ruin a friendship, or ruin what a girl had previously thought of you. If you tell her you like her, and she says, "Umm, I don't know how I feel!" you just need to accept it, and tell her to tell you when she does know. If you overreact, cry, get upset, post emo facebook statuses, she'll think it's a bit weird that you're overreacting so much. If she says no to hanging out lots of times, and you confront her about it, saying she acts interested but doesn't ever seem to want to hang out, she'll be put on the spot, and most likely say things she doens't mean. Or act in a way she wouldn't normally.
So you just need to remember to take things as they are, and look at them in a positive light.
Edit A main message I REALLY wanted to point out was the fact that having confidence is honestly one of the MOST important things you can accomplish in life. It's not easy, and it's not something that'll happen just like that. It's something you really need to feel happening, and you need to let happen. It's something that once you have it, it should stick with you forever. It makes getting through life a lot easier, and a lot more enjoyable.
So TL, how does that sound? Do I sound ridiculous or does some of this sound semi-helpful? Haha. Sorry if you don't agree with it, but this is just what I think you guys should be watching out for and really taking into consideration. If you have any comments, please post them! I'm open to thoughts and opinions.
If this works out well and people enjoy reading it, I'll most likely do it again. I have a few other topics I could talk about, but if you have any ideas, I'm more than open to hearing them. If you have any questions, you can send me a message as well if you don't want other people to read!
Please don't get offended! The pictures are meant to lighten the situation and make it a bit fun. ^_^ Also, I DO know I cannot draw guys hair unless you want swoopy-bieber hair. LOL.
Thanks TL, hope you enjoyed my blog! ♥
Edit I've included a spoiler tag of other questions I've answered in the thread [: + Show Spoiler +On January 15 2011 18:56 topspinserve wrote: Great read, I love the illustrations! You do a really good job explaining how do open a conversation in a non-awkward manner, but I never really hear about anyone striking up a random conversation with someone in a public place like a mall. I personally wouldn't mind someone talking to me, but might the person you're trying to talk to feel weird? Ah, yeah, there were quite a few things I probably left out, haha. I'll touch on that now. Personally, like you said yourself, you wouldn't mind someone speaking to. I think the way the world has developed, things like talking to people randomly in public is a bit more accepted. Yeah, you might walk away and be like, "Hey, that was odd." but you're not freaking out about it(My boyfriend kinda does LOL.) It's like another thread from before, talking about just making someone's day with a simple, small conversation. You're reaching out to this person who looks like they might be having a bad day, and by having this simple convo, you're allowing them smile, and they feel better. It could be like that in a mall. Maybe you see a cute girl, and she looks a bit down. Walk over and say, "Cheer up buttercup. How's your day going?" Keep it casual, and get a little giggle out of her. Once a girl giggles, in my experience, they'll smile shortly after. ^_~ But the mall, it really, really depends on what the situation is. If she's with a few friends, and they look like they're having fun, wait till they sit down, sit by their table, turn and ask about their day, maybe some stuff they've bought. You just need to be confident that you're cool, and they should have no problems following your thought. I'm not gonna touch on the subject of "What if this girl is a complete cow and acts like a bitch" because you know, it happens. You need to just shrug it off, and know that there are a million times better acting girls around. No jokes. ^_~ On January 15 2011 20:05 Ko1tz wrote:Loved the pictures lol :D I read the whole thing and I have some questions! There's this girl (my best friend actually ouch!), I've known her for about 2 years (almost 3). We talk every day, we help eachother with out problems and all that stuff best friends do...anyway, like arounch march of 2010 I started having feelings for her, I was in a horrible situation at that moment (I was doing my best to get over a really bad relationship) and all she did was to try to cheer me up as much as possible, she even bought a chocolate cake (like...the single best cake I had...EVER!) for my birthday (nobody has ever donde this to me :/ ) and of course, before I knew it I really started to like her. Anyways, around like june I started getting all depresive, she started feeling unconfortable around me since I was all creepy and what not, posting -as you said- stupid emo facebook statuses and all that jazz. I was seriously going crazy and I thought that the best thing I could do was to tell her, so that's what I did, I told her what I was feeling (by "tuenti", that is like the spanish facebook or something...pathetic). She told me not to worry, that she will never actually "stop" being friends with me because of that. Now, here comes the "main" part of this. Right before I went to Canada (the first 3 weeks of December) she kept telling me that she wished that she had come with me...that she wanted me to take many pics...etc etc, she then told me that she wanted to go out with me when I returned to Paris, like to celebrate on our own way "new years eve". We went out, we took many pictures, she told me she didn't invite anyone else because she only wanted to be with me and at the end of the day she told me that she really appreciated me alot and that she had a great time. This means that i'm confused as hell now, is it even possible for a girl to go from not liking you to linking you in 6 months?, we talk alot (even more than before) on a regular basis and she keeps telling me that if she had some time free she would love to go out again to drink some coffe or to visit random parks to take pictures (we both enjoy photography :D). Should I keep my cool and continue like this? or should I try something before she loses interest? I'm a shy guy (what a surprise!) and whenever my friends tell me to go for it I tell them that it is impossible for me, i'm scared as hell of rejection and I don't want another year depressed or whatever. For now everything is too good to be true and I seriously don't want to screw up everything. I guess that's about it lol, if you don't understand something, just tell me and I will rephrase it. My English isn't that great Your English is fantastic. =) I think one of the things is when you're apart from someone you spend everyday with, someone you're best friends with, if there are more than just best friend feelings, they'll start to show when you're apart. I've heard before, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It could be something along these lines, right? If I were you, I'd try to hang out with her at every possible time, if she's acting the way she is. The best thing to do (Like Haemonculus said) sometimes is to just jump out of the comfort zone you have, and take the risk of trying to be with her again. If she said she'd still be friends with you even after what you said, there has to be something there that enjoyed hearing that you like her more than just a friend. If someone I'm not interested in tells me they like me, I often will stop talking to them for a while, because either it caught me by surprise, or I'm not feelin the same thing. We'll start talking again after a while, but it's often not the same. So take advantage of the fact that she said she'll still be your friend. (: If anyone else has input, I'm sure he'd love to hear it. ^_^ On January 15 2011 22:42 Severedevil wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 18:46 Raeleigh wrote:On January 15 2011 18:43 NeverGG wrote: The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues. Aw, well, I have NO advice for how to to deal with guys unfortunately. xD Maybe a normal, rounded guy needs to post something for us.. Haha. ♥ The same advice applies to guys! On January 16 2011 05:12 Haemonculus wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 02:24 Count9 wrote: how do you deal with one sentence answers? I don't have trouble talking to girls that like talking already, but what gets me is when I ask something like "so what do you do for fun after exams?" or w/e and they give me a short list and stop talking. When I ask for more detail on what they like it's one more sentence and silence. So annoying, makes me never want to speak to them again cause it's so awkward, like an interrogation or something. This is like the most obvious example that she's not interested.
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This needs to be spotlighted. 5/5 Best blog I've ever read. Cute illustrations! <3 <3 <3 <3
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Spotlight plz
Really good.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues.
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Very nice pictures! I'm sure this will definitely help many of those Girl Help blog people.
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On January 15 2011 18:41 Gummy wrote: This needs to be spotlighted. 5/5 Best blog I've ever read. Cute illustrations! <3 <3 <3 <3
On January 15 2011 18:42 TritaN wrote:Spotlight plz Really good. Thank you very much! Glad you enjoyed the illustrations ~
On January 15 2011 18:43 NeverGG wrote: The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues. Aw, well, I have NO advice for how to to deal with guys unfortunately. xD Maybe a normal, rounded guy needs to post something for us.. Haha. ♥
On January 15 2011 18:43 holy_war wrote: Very nice pictures! I'm sure this will definitely help many of those Girl Help blog people. I hope so! That's what I was aiming at. (: Thanks!
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We have soooo many girl threads lately, lol
I'll read through this one later, o.o
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TLDR; but will catch up on it later! Cute graphics! :D
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On January 15 2011 18:51 gongryong wrote: TLDR; but will catch up on it later! Cute graphics! :D Haha, if I had the ability to post a TL;DR version, I would. But once I say one thing, I need to say another, and it'll end up being just as long! xD Thank you!
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On January 15 2011 18:43 NeverGG wrote: The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues. Awww...come on Never, EVERYONE on TL loves you! ^_^
Chin up lassy! You'll find the right guy
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This is so cute (especially the pics).
I wish I could read that when I was 15. Still it is gonna help lots of shy guys out there
P.S: SUP I'M A D-BAG (sorry I just had to... )
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On January 15 2011 18:55 jlim wrote:This is so cute (especially the pics). I wish I could read that when I was 15. Still it is gonna help lots of shy guys out there P.S: SUP I'M A D-BAG (sorry I just had to... ) Hey, someone's gotta represent, you know? XD Haha.
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Great read, I love the illustrations! You do a really good job explaining how do open a conversation in a non-awkward manner, but I never really hear about anyone striking up a random conversation with someone in a public place like a mall. I personally wouldn't mind someone talking to me, but might the person you're trying to talk to feel weird?
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I think YOU might have gotten stuck in your comfort zone NeverGG. I haven't been on the forums in a while but I remember you were quite the awesome person. I'm sure it's easy to get in the mindset of "if a guy likes me he will come talk to me" and end up just waiting and waiting.
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5/5 very nice blog.
I dont think its just a girl blog, the confidence part can apply to most things in life really.
really like that!
PS: cute drawings
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United States261 Posts
These pictures are cute as hell. Needs to be stickied in here honestly....
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Mm..maybe this will help me even though ive ruined my chance with the girl i want
go me :D nice pics btw
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On January 15 2011 18:56 nayumi wrote:i'm totally in love with you.. + Show Spoiler + /highfive I'm in love with them too. ♥_♥ Haha. ^_~
On January 15 2011 18:56 topspinserve wrote: Great read, I love the illustrations! You do a really good job explaining how do open a conversation in a non-awkward manner, but I never really hear about anyone striking up a random conversation with someone in a public place like a mall. I personally wouldn't mind someone talking to me, but might the person you're trying to talk to feel weird? Ah, yeah, there were quite a few things I probably left out, haha. I'll touch on that now.
Personally, like you said yourself, you wouldn't mind someone speaking to. I think the way the world has developed, things like talking to people randomly in public is a bit more accepted. Yeah, you might walk away and be like, "Hey, that was odd." but you're not freaking out about it(My boyfriend kinda does LOL.)
It's like another thread from before, talking about just making someone's day with a simple, small conversation. You're reaching out to this person who looks like they might be having a bad day, and by having this simple convo, you're allowing them smile, and they feel better. It could be like that in a mall. Maybe you see a cute girl, and she looks a bit down. Walk over and say, "Cheer up buttercup. How's your day going?" Keep it casual, and get a little giggle out of her. Once a girl giggles, in my experience, they'll smile shortly after. ^_~
But the mall, it really, really depends on what the situation is. If she's with a few friends, and they look like they're having fun, wait till they sit down, sit by their table, turn and ask about their day, maybe some stuff they've bought. You just need to be confident that you're cool, and they should have no problems following your thought.
I'm not gonna touch on the subject of "What if this girl is a complete cow and acts like a bitch" because you know, it happens. You need to just shrug it off, and know that there are a million times better acting girls around. No jokes. ^_~
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On January 15 2011 19:00 HaFnium wrote: 5/5 very nice blog.
I dont think its just a girl blog, the confidence part can apply to most things in life really.
really like that!
PS: cute drawings That's completely true! =] Confidence is something everyone needs and should be working towards obtaining. Best part is, it isn't something like school or work that takes up your time. It's something that can happen anytime, all the time. =] Thanks!
On January 15 2011 19:00 Akasha wrote: These pictures are cute as hell. Needs to be stickied in here honestly.... Haha, maybe one day! Someone can co-write the "Blog to Girls and other life skills" or something with me. ;D Just kidding. (: Thanks!
On January 15 2011 19:01 arb wrote: Mm..maybe this will help me even though ive ruined my chance with the girl i want
go me :D nice pics btw It's never too late to try. ^___^ Come at it new again, and try a different approach. If it didn't work the first time, try being friends first, play some co-op games together(if she's into that), and see where it goes from there. If you honestly really like her, be willing to invest the time into the friendship. ^_^
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On January 15 2011 18:56 Frozun wrote: I think YOU might have gotten stuck in your comfort zone NeverGG. I haven't been on the forums in a while but I remember you were quite the awesome person. I'm sure it's easy to get in the mindset of "if a guy likes me he will come talk to me" and end up just waiting and waiting.
It's kind of hard here too since a lot of people don't speak the same language as me, and although I've been trying to study it's slow progress. Plus the ideals of beauty here are something I'm never going to fit without a lot of plastic surgery and dieting. I don't socialize at all since I retired due to feeling pressure about looking the way I do. It's why I dropped out of having the few friends I actually did here in the first place and I'm still too concerned about it to try and find some new ones.
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really like it. Pics are so great, bieber hair FTW ! :D I knew that we have on TL so many talented artists but this is so awesome !
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On January 15 2011 19:07 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 19:00 HaFnium wrote: 5/5 very nice blog.
I dont think its just a girl blog, the confidence part can apply to most things in life really.
really like that!
PS: cute drawings That's completely true! =] Confidence is something everyone needs and should be working towards obtaining. Best part is, it isn't something like school or work that takes up your time. It's something that can happen anytime, all the time. =] Thanks! Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 19:00 Akasha wrote: These pictures are cute as hell. Needs to be stickied in here honestly.... Haha, maybe one day! Someone can co-write the "Blog to Girls and other life skills" or something with me. ;D Just kidding. (: Thanks! Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 19:01 arb wrote: Mm..maybe this will help me even though ive ruined my chance with the girl i want
go me :D nice pics btw It's never too late to try. ^___^ Come at it new again, and try a different approach. If it didn't work the first time, try being friends first, play some co-op games together(if she's into that), and see where it goes from there. If you honestly really like her, be willing to invest the time into the friendship. ^_^ 5 months with no results is long enough for me, so ill move on. :'D
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On January 15 2011 19:10 arb wrote: 5 months with no results is long enough for me, so ill move on. :'D Ah, darn. That's unfortunate. D: But if you're good with moving on, that's awesome. [: Be confident. >: ]
On January 15 2011 19:10 NIIINO wrote:really like it. Pics are so great, bieber hair FTW ! :D I knew that we have on TL so many talented artists but this is so awesome ! Thank you! xD I actually have very little talent drawing males, but females I'm like FYEAH. Haha. Thanks again. ^___^
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wow, looks like a great blog with sound advice. and these pictures are oh so cuuuute. <3 <3
good job, thx!^^
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On January 15 2011 19:13 Black Gun wrote: wow, looks like a great blog with sound advice. and these pictures are oh so cuuuute. <3 <3
good job, thx!^^ You're welcome! Thank you as well. ^____^ ♥
I am honestly so happy so many people have enjoyed it. I was worried (still am a bit) that it might be a bit ridiculous and fatfetched. ^_~
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5/5 Perfect work!
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This blog was awesome, the illustrations made it even better.
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On January 15 2011 19:16 TheJoyBringer wrote:5/5 Perfect work!
On January 15 2011 19:19 moopie wrote:This blog was awesome, the illustrations made it even better. Thanks to both of you. (:
I was gonna post with just text, but it is a bit long and I thought the images would be good to break it up. ^_~ Plus, it makes the blog seem a bit more.. positive. xD!
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Zurich15239 Posts
Oh wow that awesome. I just skimmed over this. Until I saw the first cutesy picture, then I had to rewind and start reading form the top. Really well done, thank you for this Raleigh
I am afraid though this will do nothing to reduce the amount or naivety of TL's girl blogs :-)
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On January 15 2011 19:29 zatic wrote: Oh wow that awesome. I just skimmed over this. Until I saw the first cutesy picture, then I had to rewind and start reading form the top. Really well done, thank you for this Raleigh
I am afraid though this will do nothing to reduce the amount or naivety of TL's girl blogs :-) That's okay. ^_~ As long as some people read it and enjoy, and even if just one person takes something away from it, i'll be pleased. ^__^
Thank you very much!
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yea this is really a good post! i read the beginning then had to go out but definitely coming back to finish it later!
love the illustrations and advice!
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Loved the pictures lol :D
I read the whole thing and I have some questions!
There's this girl (my best friend actually ouch!), I've known her for about 2 years (almost 3). We talk every day, we help eachother with out problems and all that stuff best friends do...anyway, like arounch march of 2010 I started having feelings for her, I was in a horrible situation at that moment (I was doing my best to get over a really bad relationship) and all she did was to try to cheer me up as much as possible, she even bought a chocolate cake (like...the single best cake I had...EVER!) for my birthday (nobody has ever donde this to me :/ ) and of course, before I knew it I really started to like her.
Anyways, around like june I started getting all depresive, she started feeling unconfortable around me since I was all creepy and what not, posting -as you said- stupid emo facebook statuses and all that jazz. I was seriously going crazy and I thought that the best thing I could do was to tell her, so that's what I did, I told her what I was feeling (by "tuenti", that is like the spanish facebook or something...pathetic). She told me not to worry, that she will never actually "stop" being friends with me because of that.
Now, here comes the "main" part of this. Right before I went to Canada (the first 3 weeks of December) she kept telling me that she wished that she had come with me...that she wanted me to take many pics...etc etc, she then told me that she wanted to go out with me when I returned to Paris, like to celebrate on our own way "new years eve".
We went out, we took many pictures, she told me she didn't invite anyone else because she only wanted to be with me and at the end of the day she told me that she really appreciated me alot and that she had a great time.
This means that i'm confused as hell now, is it even possible for a girl to go from not liking you to linking you in 6 months?, we talk alot (even more than before) on a regular basis and she keeps telling me that if she had some time free she would love to go out again to drink some coffe or to visit random parks to take pictures (we both enjoy photography :D).
Should I keep my cool and continue like this? or should I try something before she loses interest? I'm a shy guy (what a surprise!) and whenever my friends tell me to go for it I tell them that it is impossible for me, i'm scared as hell of rejection and I don't want another year depressed or whatever. For now everything is too good to be true and I seriously don't want to screw up everything.
I guess that's about it lol, if you don't understand something, just tell me and I will rephrase it. My English isn't that great
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Gonna preface all of this by saying that like your blog, the following is just my personal opinion. I don't want to come off as rude or anything, but I don't agree with quite everything you wrote. You have some points that are spot on, and other bits that I dislike.
Haha, alrighty. First of all, the pictures are adorable. Absolutely adorable.
I'm torn on your advice though. Seems kind of aimed towards a particular type of guy, (somewhat nerdy, lacking confidence), seeking to attract a particular type of girl, (somewhat nerdy, lacking confidence). That being said, this may be perfect for the TL audience, and it seems everyone so far loves it!
Everything about trying is great. Don't be nervous, go for it! Solid advice.
Tell her you're shy? I'm torn on this one. Again, if you're both the sorta awkward nervous types, this may be a great icebreaker, letting her know you're honest, etc. On the other hand, be really careful how you say it... You've got half a chance of coming off as wicked insecure. Very unattractive.
Girls(in most cases) are extremely understanding, and are usually willing to try and relate to you. So don't hesistate to say, "Hey, I'm totally interested in talking to you, but I'm a bit shy right now, haha. Wanna go hang out a bit?" There's nothing wrong with being somewhat confident and saying you're interested in her, and wanting to hang out a bit more. Yes, as a general rule, girls are pretty understanding. But a guy bluntly saying "i'm really shy" is going to have crazy mixed results depending on what the girl in question already thinks of him. If she's interested so far, it could be seen as sort of cute, very honest, etc. If she's already a bit put off, it's another nail in the coffin, excuse to leave, and so on. Gauge carefully, as not all girls are the same.
2. Something that plays hand in hand with Shyness is Anxiety. You're shy, so you worry. What are you worrying about? What people will think about you. You're then fearing talking to them. You get uneasy, and you decide, "Nevermind, i'll try again tomorrow." You head home, and you feel bad because you let your anxiety really take over. Solid life advice that can be applied to more or less any situation. Asking that girl out, applying for that job, signing up for that class, etc.
When it comes to anxiety about affection towards a girl, let her know. Like I said, girls are understanding. Tell her, and if she cares she'll do her best to acomdate you, and to help you. If she doesn't care, she's not worth your time. An ex of mine before had serious anxiety problems. I did my best to acomadate him, to make him feel comfortable, to let him calm himself down from the anxiety he was feeling. If he needed a hug, needed to take a breather, needed some alone time, that was fine. Here I'm kinda lost. This is where I think such advice is only really applicable to shy/geeky guys, seeking kind of shy/geeky girls. I know girls who would find this seriously passive behavior a *major* turn off or deal breaker.
3. Your comfort zone is what you feel comfortable doing, what you feel confident doing. This has a role in anxiety, your shyness, and your confidence. You've gotta really break out of the bubble in order to start a conversation with a girl, to meet new people, to try new things. Again, solid life advice that can be applied to anything. Try things you're nervous about! You'll never get over it if you don't try.
There are ways, of course, to get out of your comfort zone in a negative way. You could decide, "Hey, i'm gonna jump out of this bubble today, and experience all the world has to offer. Right now." If things end up not going your way, and you start to panic, get shy, and lose your confidence, you'll be flopping around outside your comfort zone bubble with no comfort at all. You'll head home, lay in bed, and the bubble will slowly come back, and you'll regret what you did completely. You'll decide you won't do it again, and trying new things will really be out of the picture. So make sure you're not getting too cocky, or over confident, and you're taking things slow. Hmmm.... dunno. Sometimes it is best to just jump into the deep end, and see what happens. Again, this sort of advice can be applied to many general life situations, not strictly limited to dating.
If you're talking to a girl, and you start to feel uncomfortable, tell her you'll talk to her later, and try again later. Girls understand that you feel uncomfortable. Chances are, she's felt it too. Once you establish a friendship with a girl, and you are becoming closer, it won't hurt to say "Hey, I'm kinda shy sometimes, sorry!", "I get kinda anxious sometimes, I hope you don't mind." or "I'm starting to feel more comfortable around you, maybe we can hang out sometime. " If a girl is intereted, even just a tiny bit, she'll love to know that you're trying to get comfortable around her, and that you want to hang out. I know I'm probably repeating myself, but this sort of thing really depends on what she already thinks of you. You're going to get alllll sorts of mixed results. A girl may be interested in you, hear this and think "Wtf make a move already." She might conversely find it endearing. Everyone's different. One girl, (probably the shy type) might love the honest gesture, and another may see you as weak or whatnot.
4. Something that guys will do, that I've noticed, is try too hard. Sometimes, a girl will love to see that you're trying so hard, but othertimes, it might really bother her, or she might find it really odd. You just gotta chill and let things work out how they're going to work out. There's a very fine line between being confident, and trying too hard. Often, and yes once again, a lot of this is going to depend on what she already thinks of you, how interested she is, what her goals are, etc. Two different guys could act almost exactly the same, yet previous encounters, personality, etc, will render drastically different results.
Tall, well-dressed guy you've been eying all night and hoping he notices you approaches, starts a conversation, and starts talking about how good he is at X: "Oooo... *and* he's good at X? " ----> smile, casually flick hair, act interested, hope he continues.
Kinda ugly, unkempt guy who smells and your best friend already warned you about approaches you, starts a conversation, and starts talking about how good he is at X: "Ohhhh god and he's full of himself to boot..." -----> fake a cramp, run to bathroom, avoid said guy for rest of night.
(I use looks/cleanliness in this example because it's simple. Could easily be any personality trait that she's already picked up on from past conversations with you)
So, to avoid trying to hard, just stay chill. Show you're interested, but don't drown her in yourself. Let her mull things over and really think about the possibility of you two. Let her talk to you first, or let her say "Hey, teach me how to play Starcraft 2."] The likelihood of this particular scenario happening is pretty low, lol. Don't be put off if a girl you just started dating has absolutely zero interest in what computer games you play. Again, sort of makes me feel that this blog is aimed at a very specific demographic.
Overreacting is one of the things that can really ruin a friendship, or ruin what a girl had previously thought of you. If you tell her you like her, and she says, "Umm, I don't know how I feel!" you just need to accept it, and tell her to tell you when she does know. If you overreact, cry, get upset, post emo facebook statuses, she'll think it's a bit weird that you're overreacting so much. If she says no to hanging out lots of times, and you confront her about it, saying she acts interested but doesn't ever seem to want to hang out, she'll be put on the spot, and most likely say things she doens't mean. Or act in a way she wouldn't normally. Solid advice. Keep your cool in a situation where she's panicking, help her through it etc, and you've earned major points. Throw a pissy fit, cry, post FB messages or whatnot, and you'll come off as a loser.
Edit A main message I REALLY wanted to point out was the fact that having confidence is honestly one of the MOST important things you can accomplish in life. It's not easy, and it's not something that'll happen just like that. It's something you really need to feel happening, and you need to let happen. It's something that once you have it, it should stick with you forever. It makes getting through life a lot easier, and a lot more enjoyable. A+ advice for life in general!
Anyway, there's my quick thoughts. I'll surely be posting more randomly as the thread progresses.
edit: durrrrrrr i can quote properly, T_T
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What is it with girls always telling you these long guides how finding a girl is some sort of rocket science?
Best way to find out if a girl likes you is to grab her by the ass. If she slaps you or is in any other way uncomfortable, repeat it on another girl. Eventually someone will accept you and you will be able to pass on your genetic material, thus fulfilling your evolutionary purpose.
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Awesome topic, I'm kind of isolated in general at the moment, basically starting all over in terms of friendships and confidence and such. One of the things I've thought about recently is finding something that will give me unwavering courage to move forward and be positive, because right now I feel so negative that I have to actively monitor myself and actively think positively at all times, instead of letting it happen naturally. The thing I came up with is a tree... I'm going to find a tree and basically become friends with it (visit it a couple times a week) so I can learn things from it (how to be strong in any situation).
The biggest obstacle for me is having confidence in my mind but not being able to express it with my body (through words or actions). Then when I try, I probably seem too interested / try too hard to listen to them so it becomes awkward.
Anyway, I've heard a lot of advice about a lot of different things, but I think the most important thing I could take from this was the confidence bubble. It's easier for me to visualize a bubble than it is to just say "oh, well there's this thing called a comfort zone..." because wtf is a comfort zone? I used to think of it as something that could be there whenever you feel like it. Like, if you feel horrible, it's not there. But a bubble seems more consistent, so we'll go with that for now. Haha. Really enjoy your insight, and the characters. ^_^
Time to go work on stretching my bubble. lol
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
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good effort, I liked some of the parts, but I really disagree with how you mention friendship, to me it sounds a bit naive and, no offense, makes me wonder how old you are. Because in my experience if you're interested in someone it's almost always bad to become friends. You should decide what you want right from the start and I dont think the friendship->relationship transition happens often for adults. It's also one of the biggest mistakes young nerdlings do in their youth, become the BFF of the girl they're in love with. Do not get friendzoned. After that you have very little chance. If you like someone, show your intentions (without saying "i like you" preferably, you dont have to spell it out T_T) Of course everything depends on the girl, because women aren't all the same, maybe it's less the case for the geeky, nerdy type like haemonculus mentions, also there are of course couples who were friends first, but I am pretty sure it's the case for the majority of women.
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5/5 for an awesome job. the illustrations made it much better. the drawings were really cute.
<3
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TL; DR; BLATFP (Too long, didn't read, but looked at the funny pictures).
I have to really read that when i'm more awake and had my breakfast, though i imagine it will give a lot of hints everyone in that situation knows anyways, after all there are about a billion guides available everywhere.
In my experience the best help is a friend who is actually confident enough to initiate a conversation with a girl, since the first words are the hardest. You can then just contribute to the conversation and slowly gain the confidence to maybe start the conversation the next time.
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A couple more of these things and people can discontinue their girl-problem blogs, gg!
I wonder what a d-bag is though :o
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[EDIT]
ok shit I didn't realise I wrote that much, and I didn't even want to actually post it, Iooks more like a blog in a blog instead of a comment, if you want me to put this somewhere else let me know, I doubt that's that much on topic, but that blog really made me finally get this out and I think I really needed to
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shit I get home after being both fucking upset (because I wanted to make a move tonight and didn't) and soo happy (for Jinro's Ro8), and I see this lol.
I actually was on the verge of writing something relatively soon because I just needed to get out my frustration about something pretty similar to the issues you're adressing in this very well written blog.
For clarity, I'm the kind of guy who deeply believes paying too much attention to girls is not good for people who wants to achieve big things, especially in a competitive field, and I believe this because of my past experience on the subject. So for a long time now, I've been pretty much ignoring girls around me and not putting much thoughts about girls that I happened to find cute or whatever. And actually it seems that, for me at least, it has been a very good choice. Also for the record, I'm not particularly shy, but being around and trying to interact with a girl that I find attractive and I like is something that seems pretty difficult for me, hence my decision to just try not to get in this situation.
But the thing is since I came to Korea I met one girl in particular, who is incredibly beautiful, kind and cute. And the big problem is that I made the mistake I promised myself to never ever do again, which is to actually get interested in her and try to know more about. At first when I saw her I was just like shit, she's really beautiful, but I didn't really think much more about it for the reasons I already talked about, and just moved on. But as time passed (by the way, she's working at the GOM studio so I unfortunately get to see her quite often), and as GimbleB kept pushing me to make a move (fuck you man :D), I ended up asking for a picture with her (I know that's not a move) and asked her name, and that's what I believe put me in the horrible spot I'm in right now. Then I saw her again at the GSL 4 opening ceremony, and for some reason when GimbleB and me were talking and waiting for the raffle to get done, she came to me with a hand warmer and we started to talk and stuff until the raffle ended, we left the stadium together and we split then to go home. I was really surprised, and it got me thinking as I noticed that she was looking at me quite often when I was coming to the studio or during the GSL 3 finals, and GimbleB pointed that out to me too. She was looking at me the same way I was looking at her (I must say I have a very hard time letting my eyes go off her), that with the fact that she randomly came to me after the GSL 2011 opening ceremony, and caught me a couple times to talk in the subway on our way home, made me think that something is probably going on there. Especially when one time she asks for my age, and when I tell her (I know she has exactly my age, but she doesn't know that I know), she goes nuts and start saying things in korean all excited to her friend, I think that's what made me think something was going on. The problem is, there is no way I could be sure about that. I had to make a real move for this, but I'm just unable to do it. So since then, I've been just thinking about it, and every time i come to the studio and sees her it just burns even more inside me, because I want to know if something is going on, but I just can't. The best I could do is to ask her to teach me Korean (following a friend's advice, and i was thinking I needed to learn it anyway), which actually turned out quite good as she asked me to teach her French in exchange. BUT, she's actually ridiculously busy, working everyday, so we just couldn't find a time to do it, and even when I try to just talk to her it's always cut short cause she's either working and someones come to her about work, or it is her korean friends en masse so I just let it go and don't try to impose myself. Apparently she won't have that much freetime until mid february, as on sundays she takes some rest as she told me.
So yeah, as of why I'm pissed tonight is that as it's saturday, the games started at 2 pm, so it was going to end around 6 pm (which it did), so I had the intention to invite her for dinner or something, so I was waiting for her outside, and when she got out she was with like 3 or 4 other people from GOM. During around 10 sec I was asking myself whether I should do it or not but I chickened out, and just headed to the subway furious about myself for not asking just because she was with a couple friends in one of the rare occasions I could do this, punching a wall on my way and almost breaking my hand. For the record, it's not the first time I plan on telling her something or asking her something and end up chickening out, but usually there is no time anyway as she lives pretty far away from the studio so she needs to leave as soon as possible.
So for something like almost 2 weeks now I've been thinking about that kind of shit all the time and mostly when I try to sleep (which fails horribly obviously as I just can't stop thinking about all of that), and this is the reason I decided not to give a shit about that kind of things anymore, I'm here to start my SC2 career, a chance have been given to me recently and I'm going to fuck it up just because I was stupid enough to let myself be attached to a girl and having my mind overwhelmed by stupid useless thoughts about that instead of focusing on my practice, which I'm right now not able to do until I fix this. And I can't think of any way to fix this quickly other than tell her everything, but that's something I just can't fucking do, especially when we will probably finally have some time in one month (if she doesn't fuck with me that is). There is just no way I'm going to do such thing because I just will feel horrible about it and I can't think of any situation where it's the good move.
Fuck me.
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I really enjoyed this blog, and I would definitely read similar ones in the future! Thanks for writing this ^_^
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On January 15 2011 19:07 NeverGG wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 18:56 Frozun wrote: I think YOU might have gotten stuck in your comfort zone NeverGG. I haven't been on the forums in a while but I remember you were quite the awesome person. I'm sure it's easy to get in the mindset of "if a guy likes me he will come talk to me" and end up just waiting and waiting. It's kind of hard here too since a lot of people don't speak the same language as me, and although I've been trying to study it's slow progress. Plus the ideals of beauty here are something I'm never going to fit without a lot of plastic surgery and dieting. I don't socialize at all since I retired due to feeling pressure about looking the way I do. It's why I dropped out of having the few friends I actually did here in the first place and I'm still too concerned about it to try and find some new ones.
Some "gamers" do think if there is girl gamer that she is most likely "reserved" and wont bother talking to her. But being white girl in Korea is not that easy. But to make you happy --> I love you
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cArn I think your attitude is wrong. This whole "distracted by women" theory. There's nothing stupid about having feelings for someone. If you wanna become great at something and therefore dont actively search for a girlfriend thats fine, but if you have someone right in front of you it's just stupid and childish not to do anything about it. And no the right solution is not to "tell her everything", unless you mean something else than I am thinking with that, but just to casually ask her out. If youre gonna be like "omg I'm in love with you" she's just gonna be weirded out.
Back to the distracted by women part - Doyle Brunson, Phil Helmuth, Phil Ivey - if you know anything about poker players these are the first names you'll hear, since they are the most successful. What have they got in common? They've been in a healthy relationship (marriage) for a long long time. Being lonely isn't good for your mental health. If youre depressed youre not gonna achieve anything "great" Someone with Helmuth's temper in his profession would have probably exploded many years ago if he didnt have a wife to fall back on. Of course those are not good example for like historic greats (of course in that case there would be many examples for my case as well) but since it sounds like you wanna be an SC2 progamer or something it's a good comparison I think.
Since it seems like she likes you dont wait until its too late, it wont last forever.
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hopefully this is the girl blog to end all girl blogs!
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Great thread! Amazing read, thanks for all the time and effort put into this
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Omg those pictures are so cuuuute!
I will definitely be reading this again. I am a really shy 15 yr old but I think I could use your advice if not all. Too bad, not everyone here speak good enough english to converse properly (according to my experiences) so its going to be hella hard. Thanks for taking your time to do this.
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Pictures are so cute hahaha, well written blog as well Raeleigh. Like Haemonculus said its on and off applicable depending on the persons and situations, but I do think that what you've said targets what you meant to target on the money.
And to cArn, i mean I don't know your situation well at all, but by the looks of it you're in much better shape than you think.
She knows you, you know her, she's interested in you, you don't NEED an excuse to be around her when you have something in common and now this. You could go up to her any time she's free and ask her out to dinner, or hell, just straight up ask her out and she's bound to say yes in the situation you're in.
She is waiting for you to make a move, and as long as she's around you, she's always going to keep waiting for that move.
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On January 15 2011 18:46 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 18:43 NeverGG wrote: The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues. Aw, well, I have NO advice for how to to deal with guys unfortunately. xD Maybe a normal, rounded guy needs to post something for us.. Haha. ♥ The same advice applies to guys!
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^ very true, except shes not gonna keep waiting forever, just get your ass up and ask her out :p
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Hey you wanna take a look at my blog (newest one) and give me an input on that one? (I want a female perspective). Girl logic is not something men will ever understand
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Informative stuff from somebody in the position to know? Check. Cute pictures? Check.
It seems the two prerequisites for an awesome blog have been met. Excellent work!!
I love you, Raleigh.
+ Show Spoiler +Platonically, of course. =D
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On January 15 2011 18:56 topspinserve wrote: Great read, I love the illustrations! You do a really good job explaining how do open a conversation in a non-awkward manner, but I never really hear about anyone striking up a random conversation with someone in a public place like a mall. I personally wouldn't mind someone talking to me, but might the person you're trying to talk to feel weird?
I can tell you from first hand experience that approaching girls at the mall does not work. I've tried every approach in the book on about a hundred girls with no success there. I think you'll just come off as annoying rather than interesting in a mall setting.
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On January 15 2011 18:43 NeverGG wrote: The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues.
You sound like you need a hug, lol.
On January 15 2011 20:14 DNB wrote: What is it with girls always telling you these long guides how finding a girl is some sort of rocket science?
Best way to find out if a girl likes you is to grab her by the ass. If she slaps you or is in any other way uncomfortable, repeat it on another girl. Eventually someone will accept you and you will be able to pass on your genetic material, thus fulfilling your evolutionary purpose.
ROFL Listen to Captain Caveman here. Don't worry if you end up with 8 STDs its evolution!
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This was a great read, nice blog :D
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Girl advice-giving blog attracts girlblog-style posts... Nice little write-up; liked the characters.
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To me, this really sounds like a guide of how to make friends that happen to be girls rather than how to get a girlfriend. Several points here that will make you instant friend material... admitting that you're shy, waiting several months as friends and becoming the girls emotional tampon before you try to begin the relationship... none of these things develop attraction.
The only good advice in here is to be confident. But if you're not already confident? Great advice here, just let the girl know that you're not confident instead of practicing.
I liked the pictures, but this girl advice coming from a girl sounds like pretty much every girl advice blog. You've got a girl who knows what she likes in friends, but she doesn't fully grasp what a guy does to make her attracted. Why would she? She's not picking up girls. Would you rather learn how to pitch from the guy pitching or the catcher?
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United States4796 Posts
Great article, lots of adorable illustrations! I agree with most of it. Enough to not pick at the little things. Definite 5/5.
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how do you deal with one sentence answers? I don't have trouble talking to girls that like talking already, but what gets me is when I ask something like "so what do you do for fun after exams?" or w/e and they give me a short list and stop talking. When I ask for more detail on what they like it's one more sentence and silence. So annoying, makes me never want to speak to them again cause it's so awkward, like an interrogation or something.
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if you're comfortable peeing in public, good job. *thumbs up*
Aww, if I just knew what you looked like Raeleigh, I would definetly picture you giving me the 'thumps up' next time I took a wee in public.
A lot of hugsy love, Dieoxhide <3
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This is all good advice but I feel that lots of people with girl problems are overthinking them. Getting a girlfriend/boyfriend isn't a build order. You're not going to succeed just by memorizing the food count of when Flash put down his first factory.
My advice is to just be confident and be yourself but don't go looking for a date or else you'll be constantly upset when you don't get one. Just have fun wherever you do your social stuff (school, football games, malls, techno clubs etc.) and if you happen to get a girl out of it, consider it a bonus to the fun you were already having.
Like another poster said, it's not rocket science, it's just a matter of luck. Every cute girl you see IS NOT going to want to date you so don't force the issue. Just move on until you find one that does.
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On January 16 2011 01:59 shinosai wrote: To me, this really sounds like a guide of how to make friends that happen to be girls rather than how to get a girlfriend. Several points here that will make you instant friend material... admitting that you're shy, waiting several months as friends and becoming the girls emotional tampon before you try to begin the relationship... none of these things develop attraction.
The only good advice in here is to be confident. But if you're not already confident? Great advice here, just let the girl know that you're not confident instead of practicing.
I liked the pictures, but this girl advice coming from a girl sounds like pretty much every girl advice blog. You've got a girl who knows what she likes in friends, but she doesn't fully grasp what a guy does to make her attracted. Why would she? She's not picking up girls. Would you rather learn how to pitch from the guy pitching or the catcher?
I agree with this... but iirc "how to get a girlfriend" wasn't advertised in the thread title anyway. I think this was more for the shy guys who won't talk to any girl, not just the ones they like.
Not to give the wrong idea because I enjoyed the blog and the pictures, but if you've read this and decided to go use all these tips to build attraction it's not gonna work so well D:
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I'm replying by pages, just cause there's a lot I want to say. Page 2:
On January 15 2011 20:05 Ko1tz wrote:Loved the pictures lol :D I read the whole thing and I have some questions! There's this girl (my best friend actually ouch!), I've known her for about 2 years (almost 3). We talk every day, we help eachother with out problems and all that stuff best friends do...anyway, like arounch march of 2010 I started having feelings for her, I was in a horrible situation at that moment (I was doing my best to get over a really bad relationship) and all she did was to try to cheer me up as much as possible, she even bought a chocolate cake (like...the single best cake I had...EVER!) for my birthday (nobody has ever donde this to me :/ ) and of course, before I knew it I really started to like her. Anyways, around like june I started getting all depresive, she started feeling unconfortable around me since I was all creepy and what not, posting -as you said- stupid emo facebook statuses and all that jazz. I was seriously going crazy and I thought that the best thing I could do was to tell her, so that's what I did, I told her what I was feeling (by "tuenti", that is like the spanish facebook or something...pathetic). She told me not to worry, that she will never actually "stop" being friends with me because of that. Now, here comes the "main" part of this. Right before I went to Canada (the first 3 weeks of December) she kept telling me that she wished that she had come with me...that she wanted me to take many pics...etc etc, she then told me that she wanted to go out with me when I returned to Paris, like to celebrate on our own way "new years eve". We went out, we took many pictures, she told me she didn't invite anyone else because she only wanted to be with me and at the end of the day she told me that she really appreciated me alot and that she had a great time. This means that i'm confused as hell now, is it even possible for a girl to go from not liking you to linking you in 6 months?, we talk alot (even more than before) on a regular basis and she keeps telling me that if she had some time free she would love to go out again to drink some coffe or to visit random parks to take pictures (we both enjoy photography :D). Should I keep my cool and continue like this? or should I try something before she loses interest? I'm a shy guy (what a surprise!) and whenever my friends tell me to go for it I tell them that it is impossible for me, i'm scared as hell of rejection and I don't want another year depressed or whatever. For now everything is too good to be true and I seriously don't want to screw up everything. I guess that's about it lol, if you don't understand something, just tell me and I will rephrase it. My English isn't that great Your English is fantastic. =)
I think one of the things is when you're apart from someone you spend everyday with, someone you're best friends with, if there are more than just best friend feelings, they'll start to show when you're apart. I've heard before, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It could be something along these lines, right?
If I were you, I'd try to hang out with her at every possible time, if she's acting the way she is. The best thing to do (Like Haemonculus said) sometimes is to just jump out of the comfort zone you have, and take the risk of trying to be with her again. If she said she'd still be friends with you even after what you said, there has to be something there that enjoyed hearing that you like her more than just a friend. If someone I'm not interested in tells me they like me, I often will stop talking to them for a while, because either it caught me by surprise, or I'm not feelin the same thing. We'll start talking again after a while, but it's often not the same. So take advantage of the fact that she said she'll still be your friend. (:
If anyone else has input, I'm sure he'd love to hear it. ^_^
On January 15 2011 20:09 Haemonculus wrote: this is all your text it's superrrr longgg sorry i'm not quoting it allll ♥ Yeah, I agree with everything you said. ^___^ I think if I had really included more, it would have been even longer, and ridiculous to read. LOL. Not even pictures could have saved it! But thanks for your input ^___^ I really enjoyed reading it.
On January 15 2011 20:14 DNB wrote: What is it with girls always telling you these long guides how finding a girl is some sort of rocket science?
Best way to find out if a girl likes you is to grab her by the ass. If she slaps you or is in any other way uncomfortable, repeat it on another girl. Eventually someone will accept you and you will be able to pass on your genetic material, thus fulfilling your evolutionary purpose. Because, fortunately, some guys like to have tact and want a girl for her personality, not just her bum. :x!! Well, personality first, bum later~!!! ^_~
On January 15 2011 20:32 7mk wrote: good effort, I liked some of the parts, but I really disagree with how you mention friendship, to me it sounds a bit naive and, no offense, makes me wonder how old you are. Because in my experience if you're interested in someone it's almost always bad to become friends. You should decide what you want right from the start and I dont think the friendship->relationship transition happens often for adults. It's also one of the biggest mistakes young nerdlings do in their youth, become the BFF of the girl they're in love with. Do not get friendzoned. After that you have very little chance. If you like someone, show your intentions (without saying "i like you" preferably, you dont have to spell it out T_T) Of course everything depends on the girl, because women aren't all the same, maybe it's less the case for the geeky, nerdy type like haemonculus mentions, also there are of course couples who were friends first, but I am pretty sure it's the case for the majority of women. The thing is, once you're friends, and you're both equally interested, it's easier to transition into a relationship than it would be before becoming friends. I agree with the idea of not becoming best friends, I think that's very obvious. But, there are way you can be friends, and still show you're interested. Often times, it'll be returned, and then you know that you can go a bit beyond friends if you really wanted. Before I was dating my boyfriend, I had a guy friend who I was extremely interested in, and had been for about 6 months. We stayed as friends the whole time, but there was that feeling of being able to start dating and it wouldn't be weird. You know? Just gotta find the line and stick to it. Thanks for the input! =P I'm 20, since you're wondering.
On January 15 2011 20:19 hp.Shell wrote: Awesome topic, I'm kind of isolated in general at the moment, basically starting all over in terms of friendships and confidence and such. One of the things I've thought about recently is finding something that will give me unwavering courage to move forward and be positive, because right now I feel so negative that I have to actively monitor myself and actively think positively at all times, instead of letting it happen naturally. The thing I came up with is a tree... I'm going to find a tree and basically become friends with it (visit it a couple times a week) so I can learn things from it (how to be strong in any situation).
The biggest obstacle for me is having confidence in my mind but not being able to express it with my body (through words or actions). Then when I try, I probably seem too interested / try too hard to listen to them so it becomes awkward.
Anyway, I've heard a lot of advice about a lot of different things, but I think the most important thing I could take from this was the confidence bubble. It's easier for me to visualize a bubble than it is to just say "oh, well there's this thing called a comfort zone..." because wtf is a comfort zone? I used to think of it as something that could be there whenever you feel like it. Like, if you feel horrible, it's not there. But a bubble seems more consistent, so we'll go with that for now. Haha. Really enjoy your insight, and the characters. ^_^
Time to go work on stretching my bubble. lol I'm glad you took something away from it. ^__^ A good way to do anything in life, is to visualize. Visualize your confidence within you, and let it radiate. People around you can tell if you're confident, and it makes a difference. ^_^ Hope all works out well for you!
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On January 16 2011 02:24 Count9 wrote: how do you deal with one sentence answers? I don't have trouble talking to girls that like talking already, but what gets me is when I ask something like "so what do you do for fun after exams?" or w/e and they give me a short list and stop talking. When I ask for more detail on what they like it's one more sentence and silence. So annoying, makes me never want to speak to them again cause it's so awkward, like an interrogation or something. This is like the most obvious example that she's not interested.
On January 15 2011 23:45 Jstor wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 18:56 topspinserve wrote: Great read, I love the illustrations! You do a really good job explaining how do open a conversation in a non-awkward manner, but I never really hear about anyone striking up a random conversation with someone in a public place like a mall. I personally wouldn't mind someone talking to me, but might the person you're trying to talk to feel weird? I can tell you from first hand experience that approaching girls at the mall does not work. I've tried every approach in the book on about a hundred girls with no success there. I think you'll just come off as annoying rather than interesting in a mall setting. Chances are she didn't go to the mall with the intent of meeting people, lol.
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On January 15 2011 23:00 Elegance wrote: Hey you wanna take a look at my blog (newest one) and give me an input on that one? (I want a female perspective). Girl logic is not something men will ever understand For sure, i'll send you a message later today. (: I'm glad you're asking. ^^
On January 15 2011 23:17 Aeres wrote:Informative stuff from somebody in the position to know? Check. Cute pictures? Check. It seems the two prerequisites for an awesome blog have been met. Excellent work!! I love you, Raleigh. + Show Spoiler +Platonically, of course. =D I'm very, VERY happy you enjoyed! Thank you so much! ♥ ♥ for you too.
On January 15 2011 21:17 nepeta wrote: A couple more of these things and people can discontinue their girl-problem blogs, gg!
I wonder what a d-bag is though :o Haha, they shouldn't discontinue their girl blogs. ^_^ As much perspective as I can give into a girls mind, I don't know how guys go about what they do. I know what guys have done to me, and what I've seen in play, but I can't tell you how a guys mind works and how a guy would give advice. I can only give insight ^_~
A d-bag is a + Show Spoiler + XD♥
On January 15 2011 21:23 cArn- wrote: Your long blog like post here ~
I'll send you a message a bit later today, if you want to talk a bit more about it? Keep your head up! ♥
On January 15 2011 22:06 Roe wrote:hopefully this is the girl blog to end all girl blogs! Haha, I hope it isn't! I enjoy reading about the problems guys have with girls and helping as much as I can. (: But I do hope it gives a bit more insight compared to what's been happening before ^_~
On January 15 2011 22:20 Ayush_SCtoss wrote: Omg those pictures are so cuuuute!
I will definitely be reading this again. I am a really shy 15 yr old but I think I could use your advice if not all. Too bad, not everyone here speak good enough english to converse properly (according to my experiences) so its going to be hella hard. Thanks for taking your time to do this.
Thank you! If you need any help clarifying anything, please feel free to ask. I'll try my best. (:
On January 15 2011 22:42 Severedevil wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 18:46 Raeleigh wrote:On January 15 2011 18:43 NeverGG wrote: The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues. Aw, well, I have NO advice for how to to deal with guys unfortunately. xD Maybe a normal, rounded guy needs to post something for us.. Haha. ♥ The same advice applies to guys! This is good to know! I'm definitely putting this on the first post.
On January 16 2011 01:59 shinosai wrote: To me, this really sounds like a guide of how to make friends that happen to be girls rather than how to get a girlfriend. Several points here that will make you instant friend material... admitting that you're shy, waiting several months as friends and becoming the girls emotional tampon before you try to begin the relationship... none of these things develop attraction.
The only good advice in here is to be confident. But if you're not already confident? Great advice here, just let the girl know that you're not confident instead of practicing.
I liked the pictures, but this girl advice coming from a girl sounds like pretty much every girl advice blog. You've got a girl who knows what she likes in friends, but she doesn't fully grasp what a guy does to make her attracted. Why would she? She's not picking up girls. Would you rather learn how to pitch from the guy pitching or the catcher? You're not becoming the girls emotional tampon, though. And I find it gross to think about it that way. The idea of being friends is that you're trying to get the relationship to progress further as you're becoming friends. So no, you're not just becoming friends. You're becoming friends, getting to know her, catering to what she likes, asking if she wants to go out on a date, progressively taking it farther, but at a slower pace.
I'm not posting this blog in hope of helping people pick up girls or helping guys do things to make a girl attracted. I'm doing this to show some insight that a girl isn't as hard to get as seem people make it out to be. It's meant to be some guidelines about how being shy and lacking confidence can really harm your chances in the end. I, in no way whatsoever, know how a guys mind works. I know what I've seen and what I've experienced.
If you don't like it and it doesn't help you, sorry. But it's helped others and that's what I was going off of. -shrug- (iNcontrol if you read this, sorry. LOL)
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Bookmarked by posting here to read on a later date.
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Ugh, I don't know if i can agree with a lot of this... Obviously this is all situational but the only time I've started a good relationship was when my wife and I were just fuck-buddies. Not even friends... I just knew her for sex and because she was my Ex's bestfriend. (happened after the breakup btb) Every other girl I've ever tried to hook up with I tried the long drawn out friend thing. One bitter depressing breakup, and countless friend zones. Got tired of it, acted the douchebag since I was tired of myself got in, showed myself, and now happily married cause I actually came to find I like the chick i was banging. I agree with all the meet-ups, sound viable, it's just your drawn-out deal sealing that draws me off. I personally think this way worked cause you two were long-distance and had no other prospects vying for your hand AT THAT MOMENT. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying no one wanted you just no one was trying) My wife and I were long-distance for a long time and that's how this worked out. (Military and her college) I know if the girl I was going for showed more forwardness and like of me I would've gone with her. She's my best friend now but damn if I still want more from her :/ Basically, people close by are going to hold a lot more of your attraction then someone far away, if said person is far away it's easier to establish a ... mutual attraction based on personality. So that's how your theory on approaching the whole "together" situation would work. In conclusion, any good ideas on how to approach a best friend for romantic coupling? Doesn't need to be my situation, just in general for the other kids out here. I'm not going to go fully into my situation, that'd be a blog all on its own. Nor am I going to try because after three years of being my honest self I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen but damn I want it.
I think I covered that well, though i tend to ramble /sigh Anything you don't get I'll clear up in the effort of transparency. Edit: Just read your above post which cleared up what you were trying to get at with your blog. In which case I agree. Just take this rambling rant as a thought on longdistance coupling and my overall advice to be careful of that line b/w friend/tampon and boyfriend material. Friends get to actually know the girl, boyfriends tend to just get to fuck that girl you know. Fact of life, get used to it bros.
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On January 16 2011 02:24 Count9 wrote: how do you deal with one sentence answers? I don't have trouble talking to girls that like talking already, but what gets me is when I ask something like "so what do you do for fun after exams?" or w/e and they give me a short list and stop talking. When I ask for more detail on what they like it's one more sentence and silence. So annoying, makes me never want to speak to them again cause it's so awkward, like an interrogation or something. Like Haemonculus said, she's probably not interested. There are guys who will also do this. =P
On January 16 2011 03:05 Dieoxhide wrote:Aww, if I just knew what you looked like Raeleigh, I would definetly picture you giving me the 'thumps up' next time I took a wee in public. A lot of hugsy love, Dieoxhide <3 My profile has a picture. XD! Glad you enjoyed it!
On January 16 2011 03:18 Backpack wrote: This is all good advice but I feel that lots of people with girl problems are overthinking them. Getting a girlfriend/boyfriend isn't a build order. You're not going to succeed just by memorizing the food count of when Flash put down his first factory.
My advice is to just be confident and be yourself but don't go looking for a date or else you'll be constantly upset when you don't get one. Just have fun wherever you do your social stuff (school, football games, malls, techno clubs etc.) and if you happen to get a girl out of it, consider it a bonus to the fun you were already having.
Like another poster said, it's not rocket science, it's just a matter of luck. Every cute girl you see IS NOT going to want to date you so don't force the issue. Just move on until you find one that does. That is one of the biggest things, is that people really overthink simple situations. I 100% agree with your post. (:
On January 16 2011 04:56 Kyuukyuu wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 01:59 shinosai wrote: To me, this really sounds like a guide of how to make friends that happen to be girls rather than how to get a girlfriend. Several points here that will make you instant friend material... admitting that you're shy, waiting several months as friends and becoming the girls emotional tampon before you try to begin the relationship... none of these things develop attraction.
The only good advice in here is to be confident. But if you're not already confident? Great advice here, just let the girl know that you're not confident instead of practicing.
I liked the pictures, but this girl advice coming from a girl sounds like pretty much every girl advice blog. You've got a girl who knows what she likes in friends, but she doesn't fully grasp what a guy does to make her attracted. Why would she? She's not picking up girls. Would you rather learn how to pitch from the guy pitching or the catcher? I agree with this... but iirc "how to get a girlfriend" wasn't advertised in the thread title anyway. I think this was more for the shy guys who won't talk to any girl, not just the ones they like. Not to give the wrong idea because I enjoyed the blog and the pictures, but if you've read this and decided to go use all these tips to build attraction it's not gonna work so well D: Lol, it's not so much building attraction as it is taking that first step to talk to a girl and realize, she's not as scary as you think. It's the building blocks to getting to the point of getting that attraction going. Right?
On January 16 2011 05:55 Kakera wrote: [your long post]
I think I covered that well, though i tend to ramble /sigh Anything you don't get I'll clear up in the effort of transparency. Edit: Just read your above post which cleared up what you were trying to get at with your blog. In which case I agree. Just take this rambling rant as a thought on longdistance coupling and my overall advice to be careful of that line b/w friend/tampon and boyfriend material. Friends get to actually know the girl, boyfriends tend to just get to fuck that girl you know. Fact of life, get used to it bros. I agree it is completely situational. Obviously this isn't going to work for everyone, since I can't cater to everyone and their personalities. ^___^
If you don't have experience(like you do) then this is a good place to start. If you have more experience, I can't go much further than this. I can willingly admit that =]
AAAAND thanks tooo Ecnerwal, Roffles, BloodDrinK, suc, fabulously, xism, stafu, lunarC, and DivinO for the positive comments. I overly enjoyed reading them and i'm glad you enjoyed my cute artsss and the blog! =) xp
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I really, really hate advice that goes something like "Be confident!" or "Be yourself!"
Confidence comes from the experience of success, to where you know how to get what you want and you're absolutely sure that what you are doing will work. You can't fake experience. Everyone can see when someone's trying to be confident when they're not; body language, general uncomfortableness, etc. You gain confidence, but you can't simply "be" it.
As for "being yourself" I find that it's the most useless but nicest sounding advice out there. "Yo man, there's this girl I like but I'm too shy to talk to her." "It's alright. Just be yourself." "Okay... so you're telling me to continue to be shy and not talk to her, 'cause that's who I am. Got it."
"Be yourself" sounds great because it sounds like you don't have to change and that the answers are all there. They're not. You have to change somehow. You might have to change from being so introverted. You might have to not talk about yourself all the time. You might have to talk about yourself all the time. Whatever is, there's some change that has to happen and "being yourself" tells you nothing.
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Nevertheless the general advice given here is good, which is advice that everyone should use for everything.
1: Try 2: Whether you are successful or not, learn from it 3: Repeat 1-2
With the most common errors being 1: You aren't trying enough. 2: You aren't properly evaluating why you are / are not successful.
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On January 16 2011 06:44 kainzero wrote: I really, really hate advice that goes something like "Be confident!" or "Be yourself!"
Confidence comes from the experience of success, to where you know how to get what you want and you're absolutely sure that what you are doing will work. You can't fake experience. Everyone can see when someone's trying to be confident when they're not; body language, general uncomfortableness, etc. You gain confidence, but you can't simply "be" it.
As for "being yourself" I find that it's the most useless but nicest sounding advice out there. "Yo man, there's this girl I like but I'm too shy to talk to her." "It's alright. Just be yourself." "Okay... so you're telling me to continue to be shy and not talk to her, 'cause that's who I am. Got it."
"Be yourself" sounds great because it sounds like you don't have to change and that the answers are all there. They're not. You have to change somehow. You might have to change from being so introverted. You might have to not talk about yourself all the time. You might have to talk about yourself all the time. Whatever is, there's some change that has to happen and "being yourself" tells you nothing.
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Nevertheless the general advice given here is good, which is advice that everyone should use for everything.
1: Try 2: Whether you are successful or not, learn from it 3: Repeat 1-2
With the most common errors being 1: You aren't trying enough. 2: You aren't properly evaluating why you are / are not successful. I am unsure to why you posted this. o_O You're basically saying what I've said, except I expanded in a different way.
Yes, be yourself with a girl, even if you're shy. But you need to be willing to break out of that shyness and try speaking to her, trying something else. So, yes, in a way, that is changing who you are.
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Ohhhh I may have misinterpreted the OP. I assumed this was geared towards dating advice, or "how to approach girls in a way leading to romantic/sexual involvement."
If a sexual relationship is your goal, I can't really recommend the slow methodical "become best buddies over the course of 3-6 months and *then* ask her out" approach.
If you are mostly focused on just forming friendships, than this is all pretty spot on.
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Sorry I don't make myself clear! x_x The main idea of this blog was to really focus on the guys who have a hard time starting that first line of a communication with a girl.
I feel i'm personally well fitted to help with something like this. I was a lot more shy when I was younger, but I spent the time figuring out what made me shy, and thought of a reaction to this action. Now, I make friends easily, I get along with most people, and I absolutely love socializing.
The underlying idea was that once you have this line of communication, obviously depending on the type of girl it is and type of relationship you have, then creating the friendship, and moving onto the getting into a relationship phase.
This is all the basis for a healthy relationship in my opinion. There are so many factors that can go into a great relationship. But this, if you're shy, would be a great way to start out something that you can enjoy and really find what your limits are.
If you're looking for a fuck buddy, watch Jersey Shore. Apparently asking a girl if she's DTF and showing her your abs is an A+ Technique. ^_~
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I like to think there's a happy medium between 'let's just be friends for half a year' and one night stands.
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On January 16 2011 07:10 Haemonculus wrote: Ohhhh I may have misinterpreted the OP. I assumed this was geared towards dating advice, or "how to approach girls in a way leading to romantic/sexual involvement."
No I think that's what everybody thought this thread was about and I still think it is
On January 16 2011 05:11 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 20:32 7mk wrote: good effort, I liked some of the parts, but I really disagree with how you mention friendship, to me it sounds a bit naive and, no offense, makes me wonder how old you are. Because in my experience if you're interested in someone it's almost always bad to become friends. You should decide what you want right from the start and I dont think the friendship->relationship transition happens often for adults. It's also one of the biggest mistakes young nerdlings do in their youth, become the BFF of the girl they're in love with. Do not get friendzoned. After that you have very little chance. If you like someone, show your intentions (without saying "i like you" preferably, you dont have to spell it out T_T) Of course everything depends on the girl, because women aren't all the same, maybe it's less the case for the geeky, nerdy type like haemonculus mentions, also there are of course couples who were friends first, but I am pretty sure it's the case for the majority of women. The thing is, once you're friends, and you're both equally interested, it's easier to transition into a relationship than it would be before becoming friends. I agree with the idea of not becoming best friends, I think that's very obvious. But, there are way you can be friends, and still show you're interested. Often times, it'll be returned, and then you know that you can go a bit beyond friends if you really wanted. Before I was dating my boyfriend, I had a guy friend who I was extremely interested in, and had been for about 6 months. We stayed as friends the whole time, but there was that feeling of being able to start dating and it wouldn't be weird. You know? Just gotta find the line and stick to it. Thanks for the input! =P I'm 20, since you're wondering.
Well if you have two people and they are both interested in each other then that's a pretty damn good basis for something to happen, yes. But women dont always know if they want you or not, or they are too shy or whatever to do anything about it, if you're a bit aggressive then you can turn the whole situation into something happening. If she gets to know you as a friend first then the whole excitement if meeting this new person just fades away and it's less and less likely anything is gonna happen. Your counter example seems a bit weird - you were friends with someone for six months and you wouldnt have minded dating him, however - nothing happened. Maybe that's because the guy felt like he should become friends with you first and if he had just straight out approached you in a different way and asked you out then he might've gotten what he wanted. Instead you were just friends for several months and then you met your current boyfriend.
You say "once you're friends and you're both equally interested, it's easier to transition into a relationship" ? If you just ask someone out and start dating - then that is quite clearly a lotttt easier to transition into a relationship than being friends with someone.
wtf it seriously took me more than 25 min to write this? damn i must be too drunk
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On January 16 2011 07:25 Raeleigh wrote: Sorry I don't make myself clear! x_x The main idea of this blog was to really focus on the guys who have a hard time starting that first line of a communication with a girl.
I feel i'm personally well fitted to help with something like this. I was a lot more shy when I was younger, but I spent the time figuring out what made me shy, and thought of a reaction to this action. Now, I make friends easily, I get along with most people, and I absolutely love socializing.
The underlying idea was that once you have this line of communication, obviously depending on the type of girl it is and type of relationship you have, then creating the friendship, and moving onto the getting into a relationship phase.
This is all the basis for a healthy relationship in my opinion. There are so many factors that can go into a great relationship. But this, if you're shy, would be a great way to start out something that you can enjoy and really find what your limits are.
If you're looking for a fuck buddy, watch Jersey Shore. Apparently asking a girl if she's DTF and showing her your abs is an A+ Technique. ^_~
OK guess I was like half wrong or something. I still dont get this whole friendship first idea though. And I'm pretty sure most of the females I know wouldn't get it either. But yeah you definitely seem extroverted now.
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On January 16 2011 07:50 7mk wrote: Well if you have two people and they are both interested in each other then that's a pretty damn good basis for something to happen, yes. But women dont always know if they want you or not, or they are too shy or whatever to do anything about it, if you're a bit aggressive then you can turn the whole situation into something happening. If she gets to know you as a friend first then the whole excitement if meeting this new person just fades away and it's less and less likely anything is gonna happen. Your counter example seems a bit weird - you were friends with someone for six months and you wouldnt have minded dating him, however - nothing happened. Maybe that's because the guy felt like he should become friends with you first and if he had just straight out approached you in a different way and asked you out then he might've gotten what he wanted. Instead you were just friends for several months and then you met your current boyfriend.
You say "once you're friends and you're both equally interested, it's easier to transition into a relationship" ? If you just ask someone out and start dating - then that is quite clearly a lotttt easier to transition into a relationship than being friends with someone.
wtf it seriously took me more than 25 min to write this? damn i must be too drunk Perhaps you shouldn't be answering then.
The idea of my example was that had he said something, I would have been okay with it. Nothing happened because he's still hung up on his ex, so I said take his time, no big deal.
It is easier to just ask someone out and go from there, but you're not reading what I'm saying. This blog isn't just for people who can straight out say, "Hey, wanna date?" It's about getting to that point.
On January 16 2011 07:53 7mk wrote: OK guess I was like half wrong or something. I still dont get this whole friendship first idea though. And I'm pretty sure most of the females I know wouldn't get it either. But yeah you definitely seem extroverted now. I just LOVE how often I need to repeat myself, because reading is definitely very difficult.
This is everything from my point of view, for people who can't just jump into and say, "Hey, you're cute, wanna go out sometime?" It's the idea that you worked up to it, and if it didn't work out, then you can look back at what you did, what you learned, and maybe try a bit faster next time.
That's fine that most females won't get it. I don't expect them to. Again, I knew people would disagree, and I'm fine with that. I'm not here to argue why this will work or why not, I'm here to share a point of view that might work for someone, and if it doesn't, then try something else.
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On January 16 2011 07:53 7mk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 07:25 Raeleigh wrote: Sorry I don't make myself clear! x_x The main idea of this blog was to really focus on the guys who have a hard time starting that first line of a communication with a girl.
I feel i'm personally well fitted to help with something like this. I was a lot more shy when I was younger, but I spent the time figuring out what made me shy, and thought of a reaction to this action. Now, I make friends easily, I get along with most people, and I absolutely love socializing.
The underlying idea was that once you have this line of communication, obviously depending on the type of girl it is and type of relationship you have, then creating the friendship, and moving onto the getting into a relationship phase.
This is all the basis for a healthy relationship in my opinion. There are so many factors that can go into a great relationship. But this, if you're shy, would be a great way to start out something that you can enjoy and really find what your limits are.
If you're looking for a fuck buddy, watch Jersey Shore. Apparently asking a girl if she's DTF and showing her your abs is an A+ Technique. ^_~ OK guess I was like half wrong or something. I still dont get this whole friendship first idea though. And I'm pretty sure most of the females I know wouldn't get it either. But yeah you definitely seem extroverted now. I'd never really thought about it before, but this thread has me thinking. For what it's worth, every guy I've dated in the past has been someone I had met recently. Friend of a friend, guy at a party/club, guy from class, etc. Never someone I've known for a long period of time.
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On January 16 2011 08:19 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 07:50 7mk wrote: Well if you have two people and they are both interested in each other then that's a pretty damn good basis for something to happen, yes. But women dont always know if they want you or not, or they are too shy or whatever to do anything about it, if you're a bit aggressive then you can turn the whole situation into something happening. If she gets to know you as a friend first then the whole excitement if meeting this new person just fades away and it's less and less likely anything is gonna happen. Your counter example seems a bit weird - you were friends with someone for six months and you wouldnt have minded dating him, however - nothing happened. Maybe that's because the guy felt like he should become friends with you first and if he had just straight out approached you in a different way and asked you out then he might've gotten what he wanted. Instead you were just friends for several months and then you met your current boyfriend.
You say "once you're friends and you're both equally interested, it's easier to transition into a relationship" ? If you just ask someone out and start dating - then that is quite clearly a lotttt easier to transition into a relationship than being friends with someone.
wtf it seriously took me more than 25 min to write this? damn i must be too drunk Perhaps you shouldn't be answering then. The idea of my example was that had he said something, I would have been okay with it. Nothing happened because he's still hung up on his ex, so I said take his time, no big deal. It is easier to just ask someone out and go from there, but you're not reading what I'm saying. This blog isn't just for people who can straight out say, "Hey, wanna date?" It's about getting to that point. Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 07:53 7mk wrote: OK guess I was like half wrong or something. I still dont get this whole friendship first idea though. And I'm pretty sure most of the females I know wouldn't get it either. But yeah you definitely seem extroverted now. I just LOVE how often I need to repeat myself, because reading is definitely very difficult. This is everything from my point of view, for people who can't just jump into and say, "Hey, you're cute, wanna go out sometime?" It's the idea that you worked up to it, and if it didn't work out, then you can look back at what you did, what you learned, and maybe try a bit faster next time. That's fine that most females won't get it. I don't expect them to. Again, I knew people would disagree, and I'm fine with that. I'm not here to argue why this will work or why not, I'm here to share a point of view that might work for someone, and if it doesn't, then try something else.
Your point is a bit weird here "it's not about those people, it's about getting there" ..? Yes of course it is, all advice is for something you otherwise might not be capable of doing yourself. You didnt actually have to repeat that, despite loving doing so. The feeling I get however, is that you might be leading people to a place they dont wanna be at. You make it sound like this blog is about making guys dare to be more outgoing and making steps towards having a relationship with someone theyre interested in. You think the step towards a good relationship is friendship. I heavily disagree and think they might just end up being stuck in a friendship they dont want. No need to become so defensive. Me having had a few drinks doesnt mean my opinion has changed or become invalid, me taking so long is actually a good sign that I'm thinking before I post.
Also I thought your example was about someone who just showed the intention of being friends. Now you mention that you specifically told him to take his time. Which is not something you say to someone who is acting like he only wants to be friends. Of course this is all just my opinion /shrug
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
The whole bs of classifying such things into 'friendship' and 'relationship' is pointless. Each are so immeasurable and intertwined in so many varying degrees that talking about this subject saying such things as 'try to build a friendship first' is just blank useless jibber-jabber.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
And:
If you can't be 100% confident, don't fake it. I remember reading a thread that said, "Not confident yet? Fake it until it is." That's the worst way to do it. If you're not 100% confident yet, and you're getting there, you do the best with what you have. Being honest and being who you are is what a girl will want. I don't want someone to pretend they're confident, and pretend they're awesome. I want someone to know they're pretty confident, and know they're pretty awesome. So will other girls.
IMO this is the only part of your thread of real value. Girls want real-ness no matter what level it comes on.
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Netherlands4511 Posts
there ain't nothing to it but to do it
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On January 16 2011 09:14 7mk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 08:19 Raeleigh wrote:On January 16 2011 07:50 7mk wrote: Well if you have two people and they are both interested in each other then that's a pretty damn good basis for something to happen, yes. But women dont always know if they want you or not, or they are too shy or whatever to do anything about it, if you're a bit aggressive then you can turn the whole situation into something happening. If she gets to know you as a friend first then the whole excitement if meeting this new person just fades away and it's less and less likely anything is gonna happen. Your counter example seems a bit weird - you were friends with someone for six months and you wouldnt have minded dating him, however - nothing happened. Maybe that's because the guy felt like he should become friends with you first and if he had just straight out approached you in a different way and asked you out then he might've gotten what he wanted. Instead you were just friends for several months and then you met your current boyfriend.
You say "once you're friends and you're both equally interested, it's easier to transition into a relationship" ? If you just ask someone out and start dating - then that is quite clearly a lotttt easier to transition into a relationship than being friends with someone.
wtf it seriously took me more than 25 min to write this? damn i must be too drunk Perhaps you shouldn't be answering then. The idea of my example was that had he said something, I would have been okay with it. Nothing happened because he's still hung up on his ex, so I said take his time, no big deal. It is easier to just ask someone out and go from there, but you're not reading what I'm saying. This blog isn't just for people who can straight out say, "Hey, wanna date?" It's about getting to that point. On January 16 2011 07:53 7mk wrote: OK guess I was like half wrong or something. I still dont get this whole friendship first idea though. And I'm pretty sure most of the females I know wouldn't get it either. But yeah you definitely seem extroverted now. I just LOVE how often I need to repeat myself, because reading is definitely very difficult. This is everything from my point of view, for people who can't just jump into and say, "Hey, you're cute, wanna go out sometime?" It's the idea that you worked up to it, and if it didn't work out, then you can look back at what you did, what you learned, and maybe try a bit faster next time. That's fine that most females won't get it. I don't expect them to. Again, I knew people would disagree, and I'm fine with that. I'm not here to argue why this will work or why not, I'm here to share a point of view that might work for someone, and if it doesn't, then try something else. Your point is a bit weird here "it's not about those people, it's about getting there" ..? Yes of course it is, all advice is for something you otherwise might not be capable of doing yourself. You didnt actually have to repeat that, despite loving doing so. The feeling I get however, is that you might be leading people to a place they dont wanna be at. You make it sound like this blog is about making guys dare to be more outgoing and making steps towards having a relationship with someone theyre interested in. You think the step towards a good relationship is friendship. I heavily disagree and think they might just end up being stuck in a friendship they dont want. No need to become so defensive. Me having had a few drinks doesnt mean my opinion has changed or become invalid, me taking so long is actually a good sign that I'm thinking before I post. Also I thought your example was about someone who just showed the intention of being friends. Now you mention that you specifically told him to take his time. Which is not something you say to someone who is acting like he only wants to be friends. Of course this is all just my opinion /shrug That's fine if you disagree. For the millionth time, I expected people to disagree about the whole idea of a passive look on becoming friends, or starting a relationship. I'm not defensive at all, by the way. Sorry you read it like that.
If they don't want to be at this level of friendship, like I have said, then they don't have to be. The thing I was saying is, you establish that first level of friendship. Hey, I know you, you know me, I know you like starcraft 2, that's cool. That is that basic level of acquaintance and friendship you want to have with someone. From there, it depends how confident you feel and how you want to proceed. You could a. Right away ask her if she wants to go out, if you feel you're confident enough to do it. or b. Become better friends, and while doing so, keep hinting that you'd like to hang out more, you'd like to become more than friends.
I haven't been saying, "Become best friends and then ask her out."
On January 16 2011 09:17 Rekrul wrote: The whole bs of classifying such things into 'friendship' and 'relationship' is pointless. Each are so immeasurable and intertwined in so many varying degrees that talking about this subject saying such things as 'try to build a friendship first' is just blank useless jibber-jabber. It's unfortunate you think that, but unless you can provide me with some facts, I won't believe it. I think there is reason to classify them and really distinguish them, if you want. -shrug-
On January 16 2011 09:19 Rekrul wrote:And: Show nested quote +If you can't be 100% confident, don't fake it. I remember reading a thread that said, "Not confident yet? Fake it until it is." That's the worst way to do it. If you're not 100% confident yet, and you're getting there, you do the best with what you have. Being honest and being who you are is what a girl will want. I don't want someone to pretend they're confident, and pretend they're awesome. I want someone to know they're pretty confident, and know they're pretty awesome. So will other girls. IMO this is the only part of your thread of real value. Girls want real-ness no matter what level it comes on. I would assume things like dealing with anxiety would have real value, but I assumed wrong I guess. At least you found something to be positive about.
On January 16 2011 09:27 Liquid`Ret wrote: there ain't nothing to it but to do it Indeed.
If you're going to disagree with me, I'm perfectly fine with that. Like I've said, I understand that this is only one way of many to proceed about something like this. If you don't agree, that's fine. But please don't pick apart the blog. I'm just giving insight into something I feel I can. -shrug- If you have an honest problem with it, and don't think that being friends will get you anywhere, that's fine, ignore what i've said and move on. If it turns out this doesn't work for people, that's fine, they can tell me, and try something different.
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It's fine! *scoffs* *shrugs*
Why do people pretend not to care when they do? Actually, that seems to be a running theme here.
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On January 16 2011 09:44 Chef wrote: It's fine! *scoffs* *shrugs*
Why do people pretend not to care when they do? Actually, that seems to be a running theme here. I hope you're not making fun of my shrugs :c
But may I ask what you mean by People pretending not to care when they do? And it being a running theme? D:
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I agree with Rekrul. You don't need to define your relationship with someone to make it progress. It is also different to each individual. How in the world would anyone show facts of how friendships strengthen relationships? If you can't distinguish the difference yourself between a friendship and a relationship you are probably being delusional.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On January 16 2011 09:35 Raeleigh wrote: On January 16 2011 09:17 Rekrul wrote: The whole bs of classifying such things into 'friendship' and 'relationship' is pointless. Each are so immeasurable and intertwined in so many varying degrees that talking about this subject saying such things as 'try to build a friendship first' is just blank useless jibber-jabber.
It's unfortunate you think that, but unless you can provide me with some facts, I won't believe it. I think there is reason to classify them and really distinguish them, if you want. -shrug-
You didn't get my point.
When you've finally established that friendship with a girl, and you're talking to her, but worried she thinks you talk to much, do not act indifferent. Just wait for her to text you first next time, or give it a few days and come back and ask what's new in her life. If she talks to you, still act interested, but listen more than talk. If you act indifferent towards her, you're going to hurt her. If she's interested in you at all, she might rethink her interest and think, "Oh no, maybe he really doesn't like me.." and she'll stop before she gets hurt. Or, she may continue on. Really depends on the friendship you 2 have.
You keep talking about 'establishing a friendship' with a girl in such vague and light terms. There are so many levels of 'friendship' between a guy and a girl such as 'i know this guy by name,' 'we talk here and there but i have no real interest but i like the attention he gives me,' 'we talk sometimes and i really like this guy,' 'we've been best friends for years.' (obviously a tiny amount of examples).
In any relationship, whether it be platonic, sexual/romantic, a bit of both, or neither yet but with possibilities is extremely unique on so many levels that all your random examples of 'what to do in scenario x when u establish a *friendship*(whatever that may be in ur mind)' are not only fruitless but show a lot of ignorance from you.
It's as if your post is using your limited experiences witnessed by yourself and your friends to make blanket statements on how to 'help guys approach girls,' but while you made a good effort and ur pictures are cute...this thread isn't going to bear any results except maybe it will help some completely socially inept guys a little bit.
You basically used a lot of words to say this:
'Be confident, be yourself, make sure to try, don't try to force things but don't sit back either.'
Which is totally true if a guy could read that sentence and apply it to himself, but that's just not the way it works. Only through real interaction, real observation, and learning from these things can a guy improve.
Which is why ur blog is just a whole lotta banter with a whole lotta 0-relevance information.
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Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 09:17 Rekrul wrote: The whole bs of classifying such things into 'friendship' and 'relationship' is pointless. Each are so immeasurable and intertwined in so many varying degrees that talking about this subject saying such things as 'try to build a friendship first' is just blank useless jibber-jabber. It's unfortunate you think that, but unless you can provide me with some facts, I won't believe it. I think there is reason to classify them and really distinguish them, if you want. -shrug- Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 09:19 Rekrul wrote:And: If you can't be 100% confident, don't fake it. I remember reading a thread that said, "Not confident yet? Fake it until it is." That's the worst way to do it. If you're not 100% confident yet, and you're getting there, you do the best with what you have. Being honest and being who you are is what a girl will want. I don't want someone to pretend they're confident, and pretend they're awesome. I want someone to know they're pretty confident, and know they're pretty awesome. So will other girls. IMO this is the only part of your thread of real value. Girls want real-ness no matter what level it comes on. I would assume things like dealing with anxiety would have real value, but I assumed wrong I guess. At least you found something to be positive about.
I'd put some weight in Rekrul's opinion if I were you (not criticizing, just saying.....really~), since he does have quite a bit of personal experience.
I'm guessing he found only a small portion of your entry valuable because the rest is probably quite obvious or pointless to consider at least to him (i.e. I don't think he gets particularly anxious or is a very shy dude). I do tend to agree with rekrul's first quote, since relationships between people are generally unclassifiable--no one knows perfectly the workings of the mind--and are rather pointless to attempt to classify...though it might have been somewhat undiplomatic of him.
In the end, actually forming relationship and talking to girls is more fruitful than reading about it, because everyone's way of meeting his/her partner comes with his/her own approach to it. While this information is nice and/or enlightening, actual experience is the most important because intuition and natural experience trumps personally memorized text or premature opinions about others that may or may not apply to oneself/the people with whom one forms relationships, I think.
I loved the pictures as well, by the way! Good choice of image format
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On January 16 2011 10:04 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 09:35 Raeleigh wrote: On January 16 2011 09:17 Rekrul wrote: The whole bs of classifying such things into 'friendship' and 'relationship' is pointless. Each are so immeasurable and intertwined in so many varying degrees that talking about this subject saying such things as 'try to build a friendship first' is just blank useless jibber-jabber.
It's unfortunate you think that, but unless you can provide me with some facts, I won't believe it. I think there is reason to classify them and really distinguish them, if you want. -shrug-
You didn't get my point. Show nested quote +When you've finally established that friendship with a girl, and you're talking to her, but worried she thinks you talk to much, do not act indifferent. Just wait for her to text you first next time, or give it a few days and come back and ask what's new in her life. If she talks to you, still act interested, but listen more than talk. If you act indifferent towards her, you're going to hurt her. If she's interested in you at all, she might rethink her interest and think, "Oh no, maybe he really doesn't like me.." and she'll stop before she gets hurt. Or, she may continue on. Really depends on the friendship you 2 have. You keep talking about 'establishing a friendship' with a girl in such vague and light terms. There are so many levels of 'friendship' between a guy and a girl such as 'i know this guy by name,' 'we talk here and there but i have no real interest but i like the attention he gives me,' 'we talk sometimes and i really like this guy,' 'we've been best friends for years.' (obviously a tiny amount of examples). In any relationship, whether it be platonic, sexual/romantic, a bit of both, or neither yet but with possibilities is extremely unique on so many levels that all your random examples of 'what to do in scenario x when u establish a *friendship*(whatever that may be in ur mind)' are just fruitless and will not help any guy. It's as if your post is using your limited experiences witnessed by yourself and your friends to make blanket statements on how to 'help guys approach girls,' but while you made a good effort and ur pictures are cute...this thread isn't going to bear any results except maybe it will help some completely socially inept guys a little bit. You basically used a lot of words to say this: 'Be confident, be yourself, make sure to try, don't try to force things but don't sit back either.' Which is totally true if a guy could read that sentence and apply it to himself, but that's just not the way it works. Only through real interaction, real observation, and learning from these things can a guy improve. Which is why ur blog is just a whole lotta banter with a whole lotta 0-relevance information. Hang on Rekrul, she's a girl and therefore an expert on everything about relationships.
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On January 16 2011 10:04 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 09:35 Raeleigh wrote: On January 16 2011 09:17 Rekrul wrote: The whole bs of classifying such things into 'friendship' and 'relationship' is pointless. Each are so immeasurable and intertwined in so many varying degrees that talking about this subject saying such things as 'try to build a friendship first' is just blank useless jibber-jabber.
It's unfortunate you think that, but unless you can provide me with some facts, I won't believe it. I think there is reason to classify them and really distinguish them, if you want. -shrug-
You didn't get my point. Show nested quote +When you've finally established that friendship with a girl, and you're talking to her, but worried she thinks you talk to much, do not act indifferent. Just wait for her to text you first next time, or give it a few days and come back and ask what's new in her life. If she talks to you, still act interested, but listen more than talk. If you act indifferent towards her, you're going to hurt her. If she's interested in you at all, she might rethink her interest and think, "Oh no, maybe he really doesn't like me.." and she'll stop before she gets hurt. Or, she may continue on. Really depends on the friendship you 2 have. You keep talking about 'establishing a friendship' with a girl in such vague and light terms. There are so many levels of 'friendship' between a guy and a girl such as 'i know this guy by name,' 'we talk here and there but i have no real interest but i like the attention he gives me,' 'we talk sometimes and i really like this guy,' 'we've been best friends for years.' (obviously a tiny amount of examples). In any relationship, whether it be platonic, sexual/romantic, a bit of both, or neither yet but with possibilities is extremely unique on so many levels that all your random examples of 'what to do in scenario x when u establish a *friendship*(whatever that may be in ur mind)' are just fruitless and will not help any guy. It's as if your post is using your limited experiences witnessed by yourself and your friends to make blanket statements on how to 'help guys approach girls,' but while you made a good effort and ur pictures are cute...this thread isn't going to bear any results except maybe it will help some completely socially inept guys a little bit. You basically used a lot of words to say this: 'Be confident, be yourself, make sure to try, don't try to force things but don't sit back either.' Which is totally true if a guy could read that sentence and apply it to himself, but that's just not the way it works. Only through real interaction, real observation, and learning from these things can a guy improve. Which is why ur blog is just a whole lotta banter with a whole lotta 0-relevance information. If you think that's the case, that's fine. I know plenty of people who I've spoken to who have taken the advice/what I've said differently than you, and they're doing perfectly well.
If you disagree, that's fine. But if you're going to flat out say it's just a bunch of banter with no use, then I have no care for what you're saying or much for you. I'm not saying this to be rude, i'm just telling you how it is. If I've had people say "Hey, this sounds really good, thanks!" and similar other responses, I'm going to be inclined to think differently. Your one post unfortunately does not prove to me or really show me much more except that you disagree and wish to tell me that it has no use. -shrug-
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How old are you and how much experience do you actually have with serious relationships and or getting people together based on your dating advice/logic?
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On January 16 2011 10:08 Zim23 wrote: Hang on Rekrul, she's a girl and therefore an expert on everything about relationships. It'd be nice if I had said something similar to this, wouldn't it? Then you could have stated that with real fact.
On January 16 2011 10:08 Z3kk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 09:17 Rekrul wrote: The whole bs of classifying such things into 'friendship' and 'relationship' is pointless. Each are so immeasurable and intertwined in so many varying degrees that talking about this subject saying such things as 'try to build a friendship first' is just blank useless jibber-jabber. It's unfortunate you think that, but unless you can provide me with some facts, I won't believe it. I think there is reason to classify them and really distinguish them, if you want. -shrug- On January 16 2011 09:19 Rekrul wrote:And: If you can't be 100% confident, don't fake it. I remember reading a thread that said, "Not confident yet? Fake it until it is." That's the worst way to do it. If you're not 100% confident yet, and you're getting there, you do the best with what you have. Being honest and being who you are is what a girl will want. I don't want someone to pretend they're confident, and pretend they're awesome. I want someone to know they're pretty confident, and know they're pretty awesome. So will other girls. IMO this is the only part of your thread of real value. Girls want real-ness no matter what level it comes on. I would assume things like dealing with anxiety would have real value, but I assumed wrong I guess. At least you found something to be positive about. I'd put some weight in Rekrul's opinion if I were you (not criticizing, just saying.....really~), since he does have quite a bit of personal experience. I'm guessing he found only a small portion of your entry valuable because the rest is probably quite obvious or pointless to consider at least to him (i.e. I don't think he gets particularly anxious or is a very shy dude). I do tend to agree with rekrul's first quote, since relationships between people are generally unclassifiable--no one knows perfectly the workings of the mind--and rather pointless...though it might have been somewhat undiplomatic. I loved the pictures as well, by the way! Good choice of image format No, I understand what he's saying. But I've pointed out already a few times, this isn't for people who have experience and know what to do. This is for people who have limited knowledge. Also, like I've said, if they would like to try the advice, they can, and if they do and it doesn't work, that's fine, I was wrong. They can try something else. I've said before, this is just some insight on something I think I can be insightful on. I do not expect absolutely everyone to find this 100% useful or even intelligent. That's fine. I was just just trying to help. :c
That's partially why I included pictures. This wasn't meant to be a serious discussion of "This is bullshit, you're wrong." or "You have some good points." It was just meant to be insightful, maybe help some people, maybe not, and get a few laughs with the pictures. That was it. :/
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On January 16 2011 10:11 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 10:04 Rekrul wrote:On January 16 2011 09:35 Raeleigh wrote: On January 16 2011 09:17 Rekrul wrote: The whole bs of classifying such things into 'friendship' and 'relationship' is pointless. Each are so immeasurable and intertwined in so many varying degrees that talking about this subject saying such things as 'try to build a friendship first' is just blank useless jibber-jabber.
It's unfortunate you think that, but unless you can provide me with some facts, I won't believe it. I think there is reason to classify them and really distinguish them, if you want. -shrug-
You didn't get my point. When you've finally established that friendship with a girl, and you're talking to her, but worried she thinks you talk to much, do not act indifferent. Just wait for her to text you first next time, or give it a few days and come back and ask what's new in her life. If she talks to you, still act interested, but listen more than talk. If you act indifferent towards her, you're going to hurt her. If she's interested in you at all, she might rethink her interest and think, "Oh no, maybe he really doesn't like me.." and she'll stop before she gets hurt. Or, she may continue on. Really depends on the friendship you 2 have. You keep talking about 'establishing a friendship' with a girl in such vague and light terms. There are so many levels of 'friendship' between a guy and a girl such as 'i know this guy by name,' 'we talk here and there but i have no real interest but i like the attention he gives me,' 'we talk sometimes and i really like this guy,' 'we've been best friends for years.' (obviously a tiny amount of examples). In any relationship, whether it be platonic, sexual/romantic, a bit of both, or neither yet but with possibilities is extremely unique on so many levels that all your random examples of 'what to do in scenario x when u establish a *friendship*(whatever that may be in ur mind)' are just fruitless and will not help any guy. It's as if your post is using your limited experiences witnessed by yourself and your friends to make blanket statements on how to 'help guys approach girls,' but while you made a good effort and ur pictures are cute...this thread isn't going to bear any results except maybe it will help some completely socially inept guys a little bit. You basically used a lot of words to say this: 'Be confident, be yourself, make sure to try, don't try to force things but don't sit back either.' Which is totally true if a guy could read that sentence and apply it to himself, but that's just not the way it works. Only through real interaction, real observation, and learning from these things can a guy improve. Which is why ur blog is just a whole lotta banter with a whole lotta 0-relevance information. If you think that's the case, that's fine. I know plenty of people who I've spoken to who have taken the advice/what I've said differently than you, and they're doing perfectly well. If you disagree, that's fine. But if you're going to flat out say it's just a bunch of banter with no use, then I have no care for what you're saying or much for you. I'm not saying this to be rude, i'm just telling you how it is. If I've had people say "Hey, this sounds really good, thanks!" and similar other responses, I'm going to be inclined to think differently. Your one post unfortunately does not prove to me or really show me much more except that you disagree and wish to tell me that it has no use. -shrug-
This is why I usually don't try to explain semi-complicated concepts to girls. I just let them be and change the subject.
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On January 16 2011 10:21 Rekrul wrote: This is why I usually don't try to explain semi-complicated concepts to girls. I just let them be and change the subject. I actually find this extremely insulting to have said to me. Perhaps you shouldn't have bothered coming into the thread? I understood everything you said, and yeah, I accept it. I understand you have experience, and that's great. I have my own personal experiences that made me feel like hey, maybe I can make a post and try to help a few people. If I helped no one, I would have considered it a loss. But, with someone I've already known for sure I've helped, I don't consider what I said to be wrong or absolutely terrible
On January 16 2011 10:14 tonight wrote: How old are you and how much experience do you actually have with serious relationships and or getting people together based on your dating advice/logic? Sorry, didn't see your post. May I ask why? Does my age and experience really have everything to do with the fact that I thought I might be able to help a few people? I didn't know there was a rule against posting a blog I thought people might be semi interested in reading. My bad.
In any case, i'm 20. I've had 2 serious relationships, and I've helped a few people. I'm not going to say a number because I wouldn't know for sure. I don't keep track of everyone I've talked to over the years and have grown away from *_*
On another note: Can mods just lock this blog? It's derailed from the original purpose, and I'm a bit disappointed it's done so.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On January 15 2011 23:56 Slayer91 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 18:43 NeverGG wrote: The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues. You sound like you need a hug, lol. Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 20:14 DNB wrote: What is it with girls always telling you these long guides how finding a girl is some sort of rocket science?
Best way to find out if a girl likes you is to grab her by the ass. If she slaps you or is in any other way uncomfortable, repeat it on another girl. Eventually someone will accept you and you will be able to pass on your genetic material, thus fulfilling your evolutionary purpose. ROFL Listen to Captain Caveman here. Don't worry if you end up with 8 STDs its evolution!
I miss hugs >.< My friend just went home (she was only studying here) and now it's basically back to being alone outside of work. That's why I posted in the Korea meet up thread (not seeking hugs naturally, but chatting to people for once seems like it could be fun at least.)
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On January 16 2011 10:24 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 10:21 Rekrul wrote: This is why I usually don't try to explain semi-complicated concepts to girls. I just let them be and change the subject. I actually find this extremely insulting to have said to me. Perhaps you shouldn't have bothered coming into the thread? I understood everything you said, and yeah, I accept it. I understand you have experience, and that's great. I have my own personal experiences that made me feel like hey, maybe I can make a post and try to help a few people. If I helped no one, I would have considered it a loss. But, with someone I've already known for sure I've helped, I don't consider what I said to be wrong or absolutely terrible
You're taking this the wrong way. I'm all for your effort and trying to help motivate guys who have 0 experience with girls into doing so.
But when I read stuff like:
When it comes to anxiety about affection towards a girl, let her know. Like I said, girls are understanding. Tell her, and if she cares she'll do her best to acomdate you, and to help you. If she doesn't care, she's not worth your time.
Talk to that girl, and at least establish a friendship. The next day, ask her how her day was, what music she likes, what she does for fun. The next day, ask her more about herself, what she does for work, school, what she's really interested in. The next day, ask if she wants to hang out. Each day, you're pushing that limit a bit more. Really imagine you're in a bubble, and really imagine you're stretching it out, each day.
When you've finally established that friendship with a girl, and you're talking to her, but worried she thinks you talk to much, do not act indifferent. Just wait for her to text you first next time, or give it a few days and come back and ask what's new in her life. If she talks to you, still act interested, but listen more than talk. If you act indifferent towards her, you're going to hurt her.
Overreacting is one of the things that can really ruin a friendship, or ruin what a girl had previously thought of you. If you tell her you like her, and she says, "Umm, I don't know how I feel!" you just need to accept it, and tell her to tell you when she does know.
...I just can't help but laugh. This is horrible advice even to a guy who has never talked to a female other than his mom in his life.
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There's been mention of 'Friend Zone' and such.
I'm pretty sure the 'Friend Zone' is what happens if a male acts like a completely asexual being in the company of a female acquaintance.
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On January 16 2011 10:31 Rekrul wrote: You're taking this the wrong way. I'm all for your effort and trying to help motivate guys who have 0 experience with girls into doing so.
But when I read stuff like:
...I just can't help but laugh. This is horrible advice even to a guy who has never talked to a female other than his mom in his life.
This is why I usually don't try to explain semi-complicated concepts to girls. I just let them be and change the subject. Can you please explain to me how this isn't offensive? Because I've shown a few of my friends at work and they agree it's offensive.
I think it's wonderful that you think it's horrible advice, but I've said the same thing to other people, and I've gotten different responses. That's why I posted it.
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Love the pics in the original post, so adorable.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On January 16 2011 10:42 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 10:31 Rekrul wrote: You're taking this the wrong way. I'm all for your effort and trying to help motivate guys who have 0 experience with girls into doing so.
But when I read stuff like:
...I just can't help but laugh. This is horrible advice even to a guy who has never talked to a female other than his mom in his life.
Show nested quote +This is why I usually don't try to explain semi-complicated concepts to girls. I just let them be and change the subject. Can you please explain to me how this isn't offensive? Because I've shown a few of my friends at work and they agree it's offensive. I think it's wonderful that you think it's horrible advice, but I've said the same thing to other people, and I've gotten different responses. That's why I posted it.
I don't get how it's offensive at all? In general girls are too preoccupied with meaningless things and their emotional attachment to such things to truly grasp 'semi-complicated concepts.'
Though I suppose a 20 year old girl who has only had 2 relationships posting on the internet trying to get replies like 'Wow great blog, inspirational advice!' from guys who've had 0 relationships (besides with their hand and perhaps a world of warcraft 'girl') isn't really a complicated concept. So I take that back. Despite your replies to me I know you deep down you understand the fact that your whole blog was really just a guide for a guy on how to pick up a girl like you.
It's okay to make blog posts merely to get attention. I do it all the time!
And don't get me wrong...the smart girls with the wits to understand complicated things are the ones that tickle my fancy.
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On January 16 2011 10:41 Severedevil wrote: There's been mention of 'Friend Zone' and such.
I'm pretty sure the 'Friend Zone' is what happens if a male acts like a completely asexual being in the company of a female acquaintance. I would think so. o_O
On January 16 2011 10:42 LuckyFool wrote: Love the pics in the original post, so adorable. Thank youuuu.
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On January 16 2011 09:19 Rekrul wrote:And: Show nested quote +If you can't be 100% confident, don't fake it. I remember reading a thread that said, "Not confident yet? Fake it until it is." That's the worst way to do it. If you're not 100% confident yet, and you're getting there, you do the best with what you have. Being honest and being who you are is what a girl will want. I don't want someone to pretend they're confident, and pretend they're awesome. I want someone to know they're pretty confident, and know they're pretty awesome. So will other girls. IMO this is the only part of your thread of real value. Girls want real-ness no matter what level it comes on.
It was probably me that said fake your confidence, and I 100% stand by it. However, I worded it to go with what the OP of the other thread was saying. Basically, the world tends to pass by the people who have no confidence. And how are you supposed to improve confidence? Be more confident, but it isn't that easy. Doing confident things is going to be completely out of your comfort zone, totally unnatural, but you are gonna need to fake it (looking calm, cool, composed, as confidence goes) until your confidence becomes natural. I'd think of it more like making an active effort to make your confidence a part of you. Very important adaptation in my opinion. I think you were mistaking confidence with being conceited (unattractive trait). Anyways, confidence is difficult, but sometimes you just gotta grow some balls and go do what you gotta do.
EDIT: Confidence should emphasize/complement your base personality rather than change it.
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On January 16 2011 10:54 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 10:42 Raeleigh wrote:On January 16 2011 10:31 Rekrul wrote: You're taking this the wrong way. I'm all for your effort and trying to help motivate guys who have 0 experience with girls into doing so.
But when I read stuff like:
...I just can't help but laugh. This is horrible advice even to a guy who has never talked to a female other than his mom in his life.
This is why I usually don't try to explain semi-complicated concepts to girls. I just let them be and change the subject. Can you please explain to me how this isn't offensive? Because I've shown a few of my friends at work and they agree it's offensive. I think it's wonderful that you think it's horrible advice, but I've said the same thing to other people, and I've gotten different responses. That's why I posted it. I don't get how it's offensive at all? In general girls are too preoccupied with meaningless things and their emotional attachment to such things to truly grasp 'semi-complicated concepts.' Though I suppose a 20 year old girl who has only had 2 relationships posting on the internet trying to get replies like 'Wow great blog, inspirational advice!' from guys who've had 0 relationships (besides with their hand and perhaps a world of warcraft 'girl') isn't really a complicated concept. So I take that back. Despite your replies to me I know you deep down you understand the fact that your whole blog was really just a guide for a guy on how to pick up a girl like you. It's okay to make blog posts merely to get attention. I do it all the time! And don't get me wrong...the smart girls with the wits to understand complicated things are the ones that tickle my fancy. I'm sorry, when did I say I only had 2 serious relationships? I've had more than 2 relationships, but only 2 of them were serious. No, this is not a guide on how to pick up a girl like me. But, I used my experiences as an example. If I wanted to post a blog on how to pick up a girl like me..
How to pick up a girl like me; -Spend money on me -Tell me i'm cute -Make a move or GTFO Not exactly the same in any way, is it? Durrr. I don't make blog posts to get attention. If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't be posting here.
Just a heads up: The smart girls who tickle your fancy won't want you either. Just sayin'.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
How to pick up a girl like me; -Spend money on me -Tell me i'm cute -Make a move or GTFO
-Spend money on me
How much do u go for?
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I just wanted to know because I find it makes all the difference in terms of talking about "serious" relationships. How long were each of your serious relationships? Your definition as "serious" is probably much different from mine at the age of 26. I guess, however, that if you are directing your advice to teenage boys looking to talk to young girls then I think your advice is very misleading. You depict the girls as being mature and understanding, but in general 17-20 year olds are girls, not women.
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On January 16 2011 11:03 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +How to pick up a girl like me; -Spend money on me -Tell me i'm cute -Make a move or GTFO How much? Wouldn't you like to know~~~~
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you pick up a girl.
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On January 16 2011 11:04 tonight wrote: I just wanted to know because I find it makes all the difference in terms of talking about "serious" relationships. How long were each of your serious relationships? Your definition as "serious" is probably much different from mine at the age of 26. I guess, however, that if you are directing your advice to teenage boys looking to talk to young girls then I think your advice is very misleading. You depict the girls as being mature and understanding, but in general 17-20 year olds are girls, not women. It wasn't just pointed at teenage boys. It was pointed at anyone who might have trouble speaking with girls. Like I've said, they can try it, and if it doesn't work, that's fine. They'll know not to listen to me ever again and I'm alright with that. :U
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On January 16 2011 11:05 Rekrul wrote: And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you pick up a girl. rofl
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Your pithy comebacks don't really work well when you're talking to a person of Rekrul's notoriety. You may be thinking "Well I don't care who he is, I'm just speaking the truth!" but the fact is that you're just completely wrong. Rekrul have lived more in the last 10 years than most people will in their lifetimes. And he could buy your mother.
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loved the pictures! and they blend with TL colors!! ^_^ very cute
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On January 16 2011 11:03 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +How to pick up a girl like me; -Spend money on me -Tell me i'm cute -Make a move or GTFO How much do u go for? Now you're being offensive. ^_~ Gotcha.
On January 16 2011 11:05 Rekrul wrote: And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you pick up a girl. I don't think you'd know how to pick up a girl even if she was laying naked in front of you telling you to touch her. Honestly.
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On January 16 2011 11:07 Railxp wrote: loved the pictures! and they blend with TL colors!! ^_^ very cute Yeah, I got the same color of the background and just drew them on there. xD Thought it'd look better instead of just white squares on the blue.
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On January 16 2011 11:05 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 11:04 tonight wrote: I just wanted to know because I find it makes all the difference in terms of talking about "serious" relationships. How long were each of your serious relationships? Your definition as "serious" is probably much different from mine at the age of 26. I guess, however, that if you are directing your advice to teenage boys looking to talk to young girls then I think your advice is very misleading. You depict the girls as being mature and understanding, but in general 17-20 year olds are girls, not women. It wasn't just pointed at teenage boys. It was pointed at anyone who might have trouble speaking with girls. Like I've said, they can try it, and if it doesn't work, that's fine. They'll know not to listen to me ever again and I'm alright with that. :U Well, girls your age and younger are immature, indecisive, and petty. So, saying things like, "She'll understand" seems pretty bogus to me, but, you know it's fine and I'm sure some kids out there will take this to heart, but never manage to do anything with it.
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On January 16 2011 11:07 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 11:03 Rekrul wrote:How to pick up a girl like me; -Spend money on me -Tell me i'm cute -Make a move or GTFO -Spend money on me How much do u go for? Now you're being offensive. ^_~ Gotcha. Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 11:05 Rekrul wrote: And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you pick up a girl. I don't think you'd know how to pick up a girl even if she was laying naked in front of you telling you to touch her. Honestly.
ROFL, stop feeding the Rekrul, he can do this all day. Actually keep going, this is entertaining.
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This needs to be stickied or be an auto-first-reply to any girl blog on TL.
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TL;DR : Grow balls ( and you bank account too , maybe even more than your balls).
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On January 16 2011 11:08 tonight wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 11:05 Raeleigh wrote:On January 16 2011 11:04 tonight wrote: I just wanted to know because I find it makes all the difference in terms of talking about "serious" relationships. How long were each of your serious relationships? Your definition as "serious" is probably much different from mine at the age of 26. I guess, however, that if you are directing your advice to teenage boys looking to talk to young girls then I think your advice is very misleading. You depict the girls as being mature and understanding, but in general 17-20 year olds are girls, not women. It wasn't just pointed at teenage boys. It was pointed at anyone who might have trouble speaking with girls. Like I've said, they can try it, and if it doesn't work, that's fine. They'll know not to listen to me ever again and I'm alright with that. :U Well, girls your age and younger are immature, indecisive, and petty. So, saying things like, "She'll understand" seems pretty bogus to me, but, you know it's fine and I'm sure some kids out there will take this to heart, but never manage to do anything with it. You haven't met very nice girls, have you o_O
On January 16 2011 11:08 eLiE wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 11:07 Raeleigh wrote:On January 16 2011 11:03 Rekrul wrote:How to pick up a girl like me; -Spend money on me -Tell me i'm cute -Make a move or GTFO -Spend money on me How much do u go for? Now you're being offensive. ^_~ Gotcha. On January 16 2011 11:05 Rekrul wrote: And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you pick up a girl. I don't think you'd know how to pick up a girl even if she was laying naked in front of you telling you to touch her. Honestly. ROFL, stop feeding the Rekrul, he can do this all day. Actually keep going, this is entertaining. But the trolls are so cute, mommy :c I'll admit, i'm entertained myself.
On January 16 2011 11:09 Najda wrote: This needs to be stickied or be an auto-first-reply to any girl blog on TL. *thumbs up*
On January 16 2011 11:11 SlyinZ wrote: TL;DR : Grow balls ( and you bank account too , maybe even more than your balls). Forever.
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I don't date girls. I am a man and I date women.
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Allllright perhaps we can let this thread die now?
Just going to further trolling on both sides.
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On January 16 2011 11:17 Haemonculus wrote: Allllright perhaps we can let this thread die now?
Just going to further trolling on both sides. I already asked to have the thread locked.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
It's a shame that due to a small minority something like this has to be locked. Way to go certain members of TL.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On January 16 2011 11:17 Haemonculus wrote: Allllright perhaps we can let this thread die now?
Just going to further trolling on both sides.
Everything I said was totally true and realistic.
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I came off as a bit of offensive, but I was just trying to get a better grasp on what I was hearing. I think I'm in the minority when it comes to TL age so I really shouldn't think anything of it. This advice can work, but I think it's all up for interpretation.
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On January 16 2011 11:28 tonight wrote: I came off as a bit of offensive, but I was just trying to get a better grasp on what I was hearing. I think I'm in the minority when it comes to TL age so I really shouldn't think anything of it. This advice can work, but I think it's all up for interpretation. You're finally looking into the positive light.
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anything for ppl over 15? i'm desperate here
(read the whole first page though, waiting for my laundry)
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Ask pokebunny for 15 year old's advice on how to get girls.
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rofl McCoy
on which page did rekrul start posting?
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Um, pardon me? I don't quite understand the joke, if there is one.
But the "tedious, sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars" sounds a bit rude.
On January 16 2011 12:10 news wrote: rofl McCoy
on which page did rekrul start posting? 5. It's quite easy to look.
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How does one avoid getting friend zoned?
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On January 16 2011 12:29 Froadac wrote: How does one avoid getting friend zoned?
zone out
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The first word I said to my gf of 4 years was "oi!", as I proceeded to stalk her.
Over confidence is better than casual confidence. Just don't be arrogant.
+ Show Spoiler + Btw I started reading the first few lines, then I started skim reading it, then I gave up shortly into it...
I pretty much disagreed with everything in the first few paragraphs to a certain extent... GJ opinion is opinion right? ^^
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Adorable pictures~~ I agree with Haemonculus though, this advice is suited to a pretty specific demographic / stage of boy. In some ways, Haemonculus and Rekrul are probably saying the same thing, just one is dripping with not-so-niceness.
I think one problem with your blog is that since it's based on your experiences and perspective, and therefore your personality, it ends up being pretty limited--the reason being, you're probably too nice. I admit this right off the bat, women are (can be?) jealous, manipulative, and attention-seeking teases. I'm all three of those, sometimes. Since I'm in a pretty steady relationship, I've toned down on all three, but every woman knows what the weapons at her disposal are--it might be subconscious, but almost all girls play games. It's possible that you don't play those games, but since the majority do, this blog holds less weight than Kennigit's girl blog from a while back. For example:
Ask her to hang out sometimes, but if she said she's busy, just tell her if she wants to hang out, think of a time and to get back to you, then drop the subject for a bit. Just talk normally, get to know her more, and then maybe after a few days, ask if she's thought about it. If she says no, no big deal, try again in a couple weeks.
This isn't really going to work. From my perspective, if I'm simply not interested in a guy, I'll say I'm busy and then not think about it, and then rinse and repeat. Most girls do this. When guys ask girls out really ambiguously, we can't say "no" (it's a social faux pas to presume someone is romantically interested), we'll just pretend to be afk. Nothing will ever change that until the guy ups his game or plays harder to get. Girls simply aren't that nice.
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On January 16 2011 13:03 hazelynut wrote: This isn't really going to work. From my perspective, if I'm simply not interested in a guy, I'll say I'm busy and then not think about it, and then rinse and repeat. Most girls do this. When guys ask girls out really ambiguously, we can't say "no" (it's a social faux pas to presume someone is romantically interested), we'll just pretend to be afk. Nothing will ever change that until the guy ups his game or plays harder to get. Girls simply aren't that nice.
One thing you can learn from this thread. I vouch for this.
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Hazely speaks with much wisdom!
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Jesus, she never said it was a catch-all, she says that some people asked her for advice and she made said advice public. Quit giving her shit about it. /end whiteknight rofl
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It's sometimes good to realize how provincial all of our experiences are especially in dealing with people so that we don't over-project ourselves onto others.
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Awesome blog, and awesome illustrations. I can't believe after eight pages I was the first to rate this.
5/5
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On January 16 2011 13:19 Kakera wrote: Jesus, she never said it was a catch-all, she says that some people asked her for advice and she made said advice public. Quit giving her shit about it. /end whiteknight rofl
Pretty sure that since this is a discussion forum, we're allowed to discuss whether or not the advice was good. You can definitely end your whiteknight crusade now.
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On January 16 2011 12:10 Raeleigh wrote: Um, pardon me? I don't quite understand the joke, if there is one.
But the "tedious, sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars" sounds a bit rude.
First principles. Simplicity. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself? What is its nature? What does he do, this man you seek?
Quid pro quo. Yes or no?
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Holy crap so KAWAII pics. Made me smile. I UPBOAT. Oops, forgot this was TL. 5/5 definitely for the discussion bonuses.
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Great job on the text and pics! I need this ROFL
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Thanks to those who commented and enjoyed it. ♥ Kakera♥♥♥
On January 16 2011 13:59 shinosai wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 13:19 Kakera wrote: Jesus, she never said it was a catch-all, she says that some people asked her for advice and she made said advice public. Quit giving her shit about it. /end whiteknight rofl Pretty sure that since this is a discussion forum, we're allowed to discuss whether or not the advice was good. You can definitely end your whiteknight crusade now. Although you are allowed to voice your opinion, saying whether or not the advice is good or not.. It might be bad to you, but it could be good to someone else. -shrug-!
I'm not saying this is the best advice, it's merely one way of many to approach a girl.
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The OP was very cute and i loved the illustrations. But literally all you said in 2000 words was "be confident". And anytime someone criticized you, you merely said "well you can feel that way if you want to" and then basked in the limelight of everyone that agreed with you.
You gave decent advice for some situations where a shy "nerd" could become friends with certain girls, but that's really it. And if that's what you were going for then great. I feel like thats not what most people on this forum have in their train of thought when reading a blog about "talking to girls".
And this is quite priceless.
On January 16 2011 11:07 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 11:05 Rekrul wrote: And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you pick up a girl. I don't think you'd know how to pick up a girl even if she was laying naked in front of you telling you to touch her. Honestly.
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lol, decafchicken, the biggest thing was I did accept what people said, and thought about it. I have no reason to retaliate(there are exceptions to this) and make them see my way. They are more than welcome to do as they please and feel as they please.
I think the blog isn't just "be confident" though. -shrug-
But, yeah! ^_~
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Puppy Love: A Guide to Asking-Out Teenage Virgins for Teenage Virgins.
Sorry, but most of this applies to people with no relationship experience -- both parties. I think the problem most guys here have is getting Friend-Zoned, which this definitely does not help.
Edit: always wanted to say "Rekrollllllled," even if it doesn't apply to the situation.
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On January 16 2011 18:06 Cedstick wrote: Puppy Love: A Guide to Asking-Out Teenage Virgins for Teenage Virgins.
Sorry, but most of this applies to people with no relationship experience -- both parties. I think the problem most guys here have is getting Friend-Zoned, which this definitely does not help. Read pages before, you'll have your answer to friend-zoned.
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Bahhhh I'm bored as shit stuck in a house with horrid internet unable to play any games. I keep seeing this thread bumped and hoping that some sort of debate-sparking ideas will have been added, lol
But after my initial input, I haven't much to say. T_T
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On January 16 2011 18:00 decafchicken wrote:The OP was very cute and i loved the illustrations. But literally all you said in 2000 words was "be confident". And anytime someone criticized you, you merely said "well you can feel that way if you want to" and then basked in the limelight of everyone that agreed with you. You gave decent advice for some situations where a shy "nerd" could become friends with certain girls, but that's really it. And if that's what you were going for then great. I feel like thats not what most people on this forum have in their train of thought when reading a blog about "talking to girls". And this is quite priceless. Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 11:07 Raeleigh wrote:On January 16 2011 11:05 Rekrul wrote: And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you pick up a girl. I don't think you'd know how to pick up a girl even if she was laying naked in front of you telling you to touch her. Honestly.
If I were white knighting I'd say give her a break for not knowing Rekrul
Instead I'll just help her out by telling her, he's probably one of the only guys on TL that would turn the bitch down if she did that. Because quite frankly he'd turn that girl down because he'd rather take the challenge of getting 3 girls to do that at once instead.
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On January 16 2011 18:21 Haemonculus wrote: Bahhhh I'm bored as shit stuck in a house with horrid internet unable to play any games. You and me both. Fuck work video gamez 4 lief.
Raeleigh, didn't see any good input for the friend-zoned (those poor souls.)
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I'm sorry for my previous picture, I shouldn't reference such obscure movies. I drew you a happy picture to make up for it. Do you like music? I love talking about music.
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On January 16 2011 18:31 JackMcCoy wrote:I'm sorry for my previous picture, I shouldn't reference such obscure movies. I drew you a happy picture to make up for it. Do you like music? I love talking about music.
Edit: I'm oblivious to everything in the world right now. I went to the pub with friends. ^_^; As for music, I doubt we'll have similar interests, thus the picture above.
I enjoy conversing with you in pictures though. XD
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Here's an interesting question:
If you have a female friend who's attracted to you, but you don't like her; how do you break it to her that it won't work and she has to forget about ever being with you? I actually had a "Friendship Over" moment with a girl because she still liked me after nine months that I kept on telling her that it wouldn't work; to the point she ACTUALLY BLOODY APPLIED at the place I worked in. (yeah don't worry, they didn't like her and rejected her after the 1st interview)
Advice for those dealing with the opposite of the guy being "friend-zoned" is quite appreciated.
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On January 16 2011 18:56 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 18:31 JackMcCoy wrote:I'm sorry for my previous picture, I shouldn't reference such obscure movies. I drew you a happy picture to make up for it. Do you like music? I love talking about music. Edit: I'm oblivious to everything in the world right now. I went to the pub with friends. ^_^; As for music, I doubt we'll have similar interests, thus the picture above. I enjoy conversing with you in pictures though. XD
Its from American Psycho.
Great movie.
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You've got to be a dick to her, but try to do it inadvertently or... for lack of a better work, "ignorantly;" as if you didn't realize you were insulting her. Doesn't have to be too harsh, but make sure it's around other people so you're getting a message out that you aren't interested in her at all, and, honestly, to save face she should just drop it . Just recently had to do this with a girl, so I brought-up, for example, how I needed a girl and it was time to get on the market, with her right there, as if she wasn't even a spark in my mind when it came to candidates.
Mileage may vary, of course.
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On January 16 2011 18:56 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 18:31 JackMcCoy wrote:I'm sorry for my previous picture, I shouldn't reference such obscure movies. I drew you a happy picture to make up for it. Do you like music? I love talking about music. Edit: I'm oblivious to everything in the world right now. I went to the pub with friends. ^_^; As for music, I doubt we'll have similar interests, thus the picture above. I enjoy conversing with you in pictures though. XD
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Hey. I want to tell a very short story which has changed my point of view on this matter in a way.
I saw a girl on the bus and I thought she looked really pretty but I was very shy and didnt say anything to her. Now, two or three weeks later I saw the same girl on the same bus and this time she got off the bus at the same bus stop as did I. So I came home and told all about that to my brother. He said I was dumb for not saying anything to her and so on and so forth. Now this is what happened. Like two or three days later me and my brother were going to school. We came up to this bus stop and the girl was there! (Actually there were 2 of them, cause it turned out they were twins, not the point tho) So they got into the bus and so did we. Then I told my brother that they are in the bus and showed him what I was talking about.
Now. If I would've been alone I would've NEVER EVER EVER done this. But my brother didnt give a shit. He said to me "If u will not stand up and go there and talk to them I am gonna start screaming and I will tell them everything about you." At that point I felt horrible. I felt tremendous feeling of fear because I just didnt know what to do. But let me tell you this. I know my brother really well and I am to this day 100% sure that he would've done that. I am completely sure. He's like semi-punk and doesnt give a fuck :D
So I stood up went to them, looked at my brother and he was waving like crazy. So I took one more step forward so they could see me and started talking. And it turned out really well. We didnt hook up, but we still sometimes talk to this day. After that I was thinking a lot about what happened and how when I didnt have anywhere to run and I was forced to take the only remaining option I took it, even tho it was probably one of the most horrifying things that I had to do EVER.
I dont know if this will help anyone in any way, but all of this is true. After that my problems of talking to girls havent had gone away completely, but now I am way more confident.
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I sincerely thank Rekrul for posting in this thread - sometimes a little bit directness is very much needed =) I also enjoyed hazelynut's post for the same value.
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Hey what if I want you to pay for all the meals though? How do I go about rising about this tough obstacle?
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Awesome illustrations, thanks for this blog!
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On January 16 2011 23:53 Hypnosis wrote: Hey what if I want you to pay for all the meals though? How do I go about rising about this tough obstacle? The best you're going to get is a split of the bill unless it's the chick that is really into you. Other than that you can be that guy that's like, "Oh no! I don't have my wallet and or any money!" Yeah, chicks love those dudes.
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And once again, Rekrul wins the Thread.
I partially agree with him. Raleighs view of things is purely from a girl/women side and thus pretty useless. Most girls have no idea why they are attracted to a particular kind of guy at the age of 20. Hell, most of us guys don't know either. We just know who we want to fuck, i guess. And the things Rekrul quoted ( i'm too lazy to do it again) ....
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They probably didn't lie if her friends were trying to pick up girls like herself which seem to be a very small minority of girls.
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On January 17 2011 03:11 tonight wrote: They probably didn't lie if her friends were trying to pick up girls like herself which seem to be a very small minority of girls.
oh.. didn't think about that. That seems way more likely..
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hilarious illustrations. Hi, I'm a d-bag!
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On January 16 2011 11:07 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2011 11:05 Rekrul wrote: And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you pick up a girl. I don't think you'd know how to pick up a girl even if she was laying naked in front of you telling you to touch her. Honestly.
Oh god I long to see Rekrul's reply to this.
Rekrul should make a how to pick up women guide. Kennigit did a good one a while back if I remember correctly. Can never seem to find it though.
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I feel it would be more appropriate to title this blog "How to make friends" instead of just 'talking to girls'. I don't think much of this advice is likely to get you a serious girlfriend, though, it may get you a date or two given a large group of people. On the other hand, the general strategy of 'striking up conversations through small talk' is a great way to make a lot of acquaintances and friends.
Social anxiety is a high hurdle for anyone just entering college (about the age group this post is primarily intended), but, as I learned 8 months ago, it happens again whenever you pack up and move into the real world. I constantly thought "OMG what do I do? I only really know how to talk to people my own age!". Forget finding a girlfriend, I wanted to find a life! Fortunately, I already knew how to do it, I just didn't know it yet!
The trick is to keep doing the things you enjoy. In college, you meet people you live with, and people through school clubs, parties, and classes. This is considerably easier in college since you all share college in common as well as whatever special interest your club focuses on, the particular class, or the fact you're all drunk at a party. Almost everyone is around the same 18-22 age group. This isn't as easy in the real world, mostly because it's harder to find things like this and it's much easier to sit inside and relish the life you wish you still had. Keep following those special interests. Like gaming? Spend some time at the local game shop or tournaments in the area (start your own if there's none available, you'll probably find at least one person!). Volunteer if you enjoy helping or mentoring others. Still want to get drunk AND meet people? Why do you think the bar and club scene is so popular! The important thing is to do what you enjoy and put yourself in as many rooms as possible. There's people in every room, so building relationships becomes important and ultimately leads to a solid friend base and possibly feeling like you belong in a new place.
Notice I never mentioned meeting girls. This should come as a byproduct of doing what you enjoy. It's been my experience that the harder you look for a romantic relationship the more elusive it seems. Stop trying. The people I see do this drive themselves crazy with expectations, become very desperate, settle with second-best, and miss out on the wonderful opportunities in front of them. Learn to be yourself and learn to love yourself - only then are you truly giving that future someone the best of what you are.
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such Korean-esque drawings lol
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1. become confident 2. become best buddies with a girl and make her laugh and happy and love being your friend 3. get depressed or anxious over something 4. girl decides she doesnt want to be around you anymore because you cant provide for her emotional stimulation right now and girls only give a shit about how you make them feel, and not about you as a person 5. get even more depressed because your so-called friend has "dumped" you 6. *waves to confidence*
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how many women have you heard say something like "oh i dont like him/her, theyre so miserable all the time!" whether they actually know the person or not. i hear it all the fucking time, when i might feel sympathetic towards a sad-looking person, a girl will just feel repulsed.
its coz women only give a fuck about how you can make THEM feel. they dont actually give a fuck about YOU: only what you can DO for them. if you cant make them feel attracted or you cant smile at them and play on their primal nature then they will chuck you out the window, abandon you and want nothing to do with you.
you know what my friend of 3 years said to me when i was feeling bad recently and we met up in town? "why did you agree to meet up if you're going to be like THIS??" how do you think that made me feel?? any better??? is that really the way you should talk to a friend????
women are not supportive or kind, dont kid yourself. they react to smile with smile but will just as quickly leave you in the dirt if you dont live up to their standards one day. and believe me, they will just as quickly come running back if you turn up feeling confident again the next week. but i've had enough of being treated like an emotional pick-n-mix. my friend was dumped recently by his wife of 5 yrs just because she got some emotional stimulation from a new guy and hence stopped caring completely abt her husband.
women are unreliable and you can't trust them with your emotional well-being. they will stab you in the back as soon as you're feeling down and you cant give them what they want.
if you want to get a girl (or girls) heres the best tip: go 100,000 miles away from them and train up your personal self and skills for 10 years until you are so frickin happy with yourself that nothing can bring you down. having any sort of emotional dependance or reliance on or trust in a woman is asking for a rollercoaster hell of a life that will fuck you up and delay your personal growth time and time and time again. and they will come out of it still beautiful and desireable (unless they're fat) whereas you'll be miserable and feel like a waste that has gone 3 steps forward and 4 steps back
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9931 Posts
On January 16 2011 10:59 Raeleigh wrote: I'm sorry, when did I say I only had 2 serious relationships?
On January 16 2011 10:24 Raeleigh wrote: I've had 2 serious relationships
On January 16 2011 10:59 Raeleigh wrote (in the same post as quote 1): I've had more than 2 relationships... 2 of them were serious.
cute drawings btw
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Hm, I'm curious on the definition of "serious" for you. At 20 how serious could the relationships have been and for how long could they have been?
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also im wondering if nyone can help me decide what sort of motorcycle i should buy
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On January 17 2011 10:09 luckyseven wrote:+ Show Spoiler + how many women have you heard say something like "oh i dont like him/her, theyre so miserable all the time!" whether they actually know the person or not. i hear it all the fucking time, when i might feel sympathetic towards a sad-looking person, a girl will just feel repulsed.
its coz women only give a fuck about how you can make THEM feel. they dont actually give a fuck about YOU: only what you can DO for them. if you cant make them feel attracted or you cant smile at them and play on their primal nature then they will chuck you out the window, abandon you and want nothing to do with you.
you know what my friend of 3 years said to me when i was feeling bad recently and we met up in town? "why did you agree to meet up if you're going to be like THIS??" how do you think that made me feel?? any better??? is that really the way you should talk to a friend????
women are not supportive or kind, dont kid yourself. they react to smile with smile but will just as quickly leave you in the dirt if you dont live up to their standards one day. and believe me, they will just as quickly come running back if you turn up feeling confident again the next week. but i've had enough of being treated like an emotional pick-n-mix. my friend was dumped recently by his wife of 5 yrs just because she got some emotional stimulation from a new guy and hence stopped caring completely abt her husband.
women are unreliable and you can't trust them with your emotional well-being. they will stab you in the back as soon as you're feeling down and you cant give them what they want.
if you want to get a girl (or girls) heres the best tip: go 100,000 miles away from them and train up your personal self and skills for 10 years until you are so frickin happy with yourself that nothing can bring you down. having any sort of emotional dependance or reliance on or trust in a woman is asking for a rollercoaster hell of a life that will fuck you up and delay your personal growth time and time and time again. and they will come out of it still beautiful and desireable (unless they're fat) whereas you'll be miserable and feel like a waste that has gone 3 steps forward and 4 steps back
Sounds like you've had it with the BS too, huh? Ultimately men need women, not girls. It's hard to tell the difference.
My last girlfriend was fantastic! Then I moved to grad school. At first it was ok. Being 1000 miles away it was hard to visit, and certainly hard on us, but I felt she was worth it and she swore the same. After 4.5 months she couldn't take it anymore. Did she start telling me about it? No. She basically lied to me saying everything was alright, didn't mention any of her emotional insecurities about our relationship, and after another 90 days decides to just break up with me. Had she mentioned it sooner we probably still would have broken up, but then it would have been on OUR terms instead of HER terms. We promised to talk two months after that when I was home for winter break (three days after breaking up she called again to say it was a mistake; I told her she put me through a lot of crap I needed time), but then she got in not one but TWO relationships. Did she tell me so I wouldn't get my hopes up? No! Instead I find out through facebook she's dating someone else a whole four days before I was supposed to see her. All in all, what I thought was a woman was a girl pretending she was something more. I get the heartbreak, she gets the rebound. Really fair, huh?
The point of all that is we have nothing to go on but trust. I trusted her and got hurt, but that won't stop me from trusting again. I'm confident in myself and my awesomeness right now, so there's no need to move 100,000 miles away! I'm not going out of my way to find anyone; if it happens it happens. When it does, the best way I can think of to test a woman's integrity is through time. Anyone can be a great partner for a few months, but do they have what it takes to be a great partner for life? Only time tells!
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I think that's just called getting obsessed with a girl and not realising she isn't obsessed with you. Both of those stories. Both sexes will be empathetic/unempathetic based on how much you mean to them. Don't be so egotistical to think just because a person doesn't care that much about you, that they've never been on your side of the fence.
Sometimes people make it really difficult for a person to tell them the truth. I'm an honest guy who will tell people things whether it makes them hate me or not, but then, I'm a recluse! Most people don't want to face the wrath of a person who can't take the truth. It's the only way you can function in society, and I definitely don't function
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On January 17 2011 10:09 luckyseven wrote: how many women have you heard say something like "oh i dont like him/her, theyre so miserable all the time!" whether they actually know the person or not. i hear it all the fucking time, when i might feel sympathetic towards a sad-looking person, a girl will just feel repulsed.
its coz women only give a fuck about how you can make THEM feel. they dont actually give a fuck about YOU: only what you can DO for them. if you cant make them feel attracted or you cant smile at them and play on their primal nature then they will chuck you out the window, abandon you and want nothing to do with you.
you know what my friend of 3 years said to me when i was feeling bad recently and we met up in town? "why did you agree to meet up if you're going to be like THIS??" how do you think that made me feel?? any better??? is that really the way you should talk to a friend????
women are not supportive or kind, dont kid yourself. they react to smile with smile but will just as quickly leave you in the dirt if you dont live up to their standards one day. and believe me, they will just as quickly come running back if you turn up feeling confident again the next week. but i've had enough of being treated like an emotional pick-n-mix. my friend was dumped recently by his wife of 5 yrs just because she got some emotional stimulation from a new guy and hence stopped caring completely abt her husband.
women are unreliable and you can't trust them with your emotional well-being. they will stab you in the back as soon as you're feeling down and you cant give them what they want.
if you want to get a girl (or girls) heres the best tip: go 100,000 miles away from them and train up your personal self and skills for 10 years until you are so frickin happy with yourself that nothing can bring you down. having any sort of emotional dependance or reliance on or trust in a woman is asking for a rollercoaster hell of a life that will fuck you up and delay your personal growth time and time and time again. and they will come out of it still beautiful and desireable (unless they're fat) whereas you'll be miserable and feel like a waste that has gone 3 steps forward and 4 steps back
Or maybe you're a bitter little shit?
My first serious relationship ended when I found out my then-boyfriend-of-20-months was fucking another girl. In my bed. I could go on two mental tangents after that:
1. *all* men are selfish sex-obsessed assholes 2. This particular guy was a selfish sex-obsessed asshole.
You generalize far too much. Enjoy your hand, etc.
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I don't really feel like I learned anything new OP. Everything was rather common sensical. edit: still a nice read.
One thing I would like to mention. You say girls are a time commitment. But some girls are very busy, just like some guys are. Wouldn't it be nice if they could have a little something going? I don't like the idea of "really busy=no girlfriend until after you've graduated".
Some of us work really hard at school.. but that doesn't mean we don't want to be romantic.
erhm... oh yes confidence. I think pretty highly of myself :D.... but you say to not fake confidence and then to try to be more confident. I'm not sure how that works out. Perhaps you're saying "don't try to overcompensate and look like a d-bag" like:
"hey baby... wanna take a ride on my disco stick" (in laid back accent)
But you do want guys to not be like "oh... what do I do... what do I do... there's that cute girl again... do I aks her out... now what if I ruin my friendship with her... I have to be rational and think about the potential outcomes and consequences of my actions...". Be like Nike and just do it. You'll be happy you did.
That's my interpretation on what you were saying.
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well actually what i said is true for men also, except men base their attraction on a girl's looks rather than the way the girl acts. men also dont look DOWN on unattractive women, although they do look up to attractive women. women look down on people they arent attracted to (ie people who arent , in the moment, cool and cant make them laugh and give them a good vibe). these mean 2 things
1. man is loyal if he finds her physically attractive, she doesnt have to worry about losing her man if she gets depressed or loses confidence or has a shitty ego or whatever. she doesnt have a hard job of earning and maintaining attraction, being a manly rock, knowing that if she shows weakness then her man will lose interest and be easily taken. of course age and the dwindling nature of physical attraction may eventually have a part to play, but ive found that if a guy falls in love with a girl then he will "love her nomatter her age or looks (so long as she has a pussy and tits)". on the other hand a woman will never love a man "nomatter his confidence and coolness", the attraction just wont be there.
2. if she ISNT attractive then its not a case of a man thinking "this girls a dufus" or "this girls a chode" or "this girls repulsive coz she has no confidence" or "im gonna look down on this girl coz shes not making me laugh" or "im gonna ditch her coz shes spoiling my mood". it is just a case of the man thinking "i dont find her attractive but we can still be friends, whatever".
this 2nd point is more than obvious when you get women in a workplace together where their lack of attraction for one another just lets their basic personality and the way they view and treat other people shine thru: they fight and squabble and hate on one another. men dont do this, they will generally be affable. l
is it okay to judge someone and treat someone based on how confident and cool they come accross as today?
this is how women treat men
is it okay to judge someone and treat someone based on how they look?
this is how men treat women
is one better than the other? they both have their issues (as demonstrated) . "love" and relationships is pretty much about meeting each other part-way, in the middle of this rather nasty and unforgiving balance. when it works it can be a beautiful thing, but dont go letting the teamliquid nerds thinking they have what it takes. 100,000 miles and 10 years and maybe you'll be good enough to find true happiness in our human condition. 1 million divorces in 2008 in USA, thats a shit lot of suffering dont you think. is it worth it? are you one of the awesome lucky ones? or do you think you need to work on yourself a damn LOT before you can take care of yourself enough to take care of another person (who is actually not all that reliable on a subconscious/primal level)
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I just want to say I thought this thread was really funny.
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how the hell do you fake confidence?
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Well shit. A reasonable thorough reply to my flaming. I got made look silly.
Anyway i'm on a phone atm but i'll definitely get back to you when i can.
edit: Whooooo internet at the airport while I wait for a plane. Perfect time to respond!
On January 17 2011 13:00 luckyseven wrote: well actually what i said is true for men also, except men base their attraction on a girl's looks rather than the way the girl acts. men also dont look DOWN on unattractive women, although they do look up to attractive women. women look down on people they arent attracted to (ie people who arent , in the moment, cool and cant make them laugh and give them a good vibe). these mean 2 things
Men don't look down on unattractive women? Are you sure about that? I hear ugly girls ridiculed alll the time, by both men and women. Well let me rephrase that, ugly *people* ridiculed by both genders regularly. In the "club scene" as it were, unattractive women are indeed looked down on.
1. man is loyal if he finds her physically attractive, she doesnt have to worry about losing her man if she gets depressed or loses confidence or has a shitty ego or whatever. she doesnt have a hard job of earning and maintaining attraction, being a manly rock, knowing that if she shows weakness then her man will lose interest and be easily taken. of course age and the dwindling nature of physical attraction may eventually have a part to play, but ive found that if a guy falls in love with a girl then he will "love her nomatter her age or looks (so long as she has a pussy and tits)". on the other hand a woman will never love a man "nomatter his confidence and coolness", the attraction just wont be there.
What? I know plenty of *gorgeous* women who have been cheated on, dumped, left, etc, for plenty petty reasons. Conversely, sure there are some shallow women out there who will dumb a guy if he loses his cool, but there are plenty of couples out there who have lasted through all sorts of hardships and changes.
2. if she ISNT attractive then its not a case of a man thinking "this girls a dufus" or "this girls a chode" or "this girls repulsive coz she has no confidence" or "im gonna look down on this girl coz shes not making me laugh" or "im gonna ditch her coz shes spoiling my mood". it is just a case of the man thinking "i dont find her attractive but we can still be friends, whatever".
Have you ever been hit on by an obnoxious, ugly drunk idiot who will just NOT leave you alone? Ever had men shout cat calls at you? Animosity in these cases is hardly unfounded.
Aside from which, what is your point here? That physical attraction should somehow override personality? Do you *want* us to be shallow? Sure we'll tolerate more from a really attractive guy. But if he genuinely makes us feel bad, why on earth should we put up with it?
this 2nd point is more than obvious when you get women in a workplace together where their lack of attraction for one another just lets their basic personality and the way they view and treat other people shine thru: they fight and squabble and hate on one another. men dont do this, they will generally be affable. l
This is a majorly overblown stereotype. I've worked office jobs before and gotten along perfectly fine with other female coworkers. The nurses at my doctor's office go out together after work. Again I'm sure you can find cat-fights on occasion, but it's unfair to say that if you put a bunch of women together, they'll just naturally start fighting.
is it okay to judge someone and treat someone based on how confident and cool they come accross as today?
this is how women treat men
What else are we to judge someone on? Assessing someone on actions alone is a nice ideal, but far from practical.
is it okay to judge someone and treat someone based on how they look?
this is how men treat women
It may not be "right", but *everyone* does this on a daily basis. Our society applauds such judgment, whether we want to admit it or not.
is one better than the other? they both have their issues (as demonstrated) . "love" and relationships is pretty much about meeting each other part-way, in the middle of this rather nasty and unforgiving balance. when it works it can be a beautiful thing, but dont go letting the teamliquid nerds thinking they have what it takes. 100,000 miles and 10 years and maybe you'll be good enough to find true happiness in our human condition. 1 million divorces in 2008 in USA, thats a shit lot of suffering dont you think. is it worth it? are you one of the awesome lucky ones? or do you think you need to work on yourself a damn LOT before you can take care of yourself enough to take care of another person (who is actually not all that reliable on a subconscious/primal level)
I agree. Learn to love yourself before you can really love another.
Marriage is another topic entirely.
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lololol, I honestly can't tell if seven is being serious or not.
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I went to talk to some chick checking out some skirts in a department store today. I walked up to her and said "that would look nice on you" in mandarin. She smiled and I thought boo ya, I'm ballin', now onto stage 2.
Turns out of all the Asian women in Shanghai, this one spoke neither English or Mandarin. She was Korean...
After some failed attempts between me with some weird body language and her with her little knowledge Mandarin and English, we awkwardly said bye and went our own ways.
This blog let me down. No where did it mention anything like this and what to do. 3 out of 5. Would have given it a 1 but got me past stage 1 although I'm pretty sure she had no clue what I said.
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Tip of the day: Want more confidence? Drink a beer, or three before talking to a girl. Make sure you're not drunk though (it would be sad if you get drunk off 3 beers). Your confidence levels go way up when there's some alcohol in you. Alcohol level needed will vary.
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On January 27 2011 22:52 Joementum wrote: Tip of the day: Want more confidence? Drink a beer, or three before talking to a girl. Make sure you're not drunk though (it would be sad if you get drunk off 3 beers). Your confidence levels go way up when there's some alcohol in you. Alcohol level needed will vary.
Raj would strongly disagree, being drunk is mandatory to increase tenfold your confidence
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On January 27 2011 21:58 lone_hydra wrote: I went to talk to some chick checking out some skirts in a department store today. I walked up to her and said "that would look nice on you" in mandarin. She smiled and I thought boo ya, I'm ballin', now onto stage 2.
Turns out of all the Asian women in Shanghai, this one spoke neither English or Mandarin. She was Korean...
After some failed attempts between me with some weird body language and her with her little knowledge Mandarin and English, we awkwardly said bye and went our own ways.
This blog let me down. No where did it mention anything like this and what to do. 3 out of 5. Would have given it a 1 but got me past stage 1 although I'm pretty sure she had no clue what I said.
Or she was creeped out by the fact that a random stranger was assessing how she'd look in a skirt. But yeah, probably the language barrier ^.^
Great thread btw, next time I see a cute girl, I'll go up to her, admit I'm a bit shy and burst out in tears. I'll be crying in her lap in no time
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The pics are just so adorable! Looking forward to your future blogs with more adorable pics!
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Nice Blog, some useful information there for some people I guess =]
If you try too hard to get a relationship going quickly, she'll get flustered and will back away. Of course, it could work, but more times than not, she'll want to be friends first, and get to know you more before she trusts you with her feelings or her heart. If you honestly, really like a girl, she'll be a time investment. You'll get to know her over a few months, she'll get to know you, and when(if) you finally start dating, it'll be rewarding, because you'll be close already from the friendship you two created.
If you want to get a morethanfriend relationship though then this is not really that great of an idea. In my opinion there are really only 2 main parts you need to get handled if you want to get some success with girls, the first one being confidence, and the 2nd one being intent/being able to show intent. (Though I guess when you are confident, and you want a girl, you are more likely to not be afraid of showing intent or whatever so they do kind of go hand in hand.*)
Anyway If you meet a girl that you would like to be more than friends with you should make sure she knows what is up as soon as possible. Trying to 'sneak in under the radar' and just be friends and then suddenly being like "suprise, I have a penis and would like to insert it into you" will not work. I am sure most of y'all have heard about the friendzone, it is not a zone you want to ever enter if you want to get anywhere more than friends with a girl.
Though your wording is here is kind of relevant I guess since you are talking about relationships and opening up her heart and stuff, and obviously you dont want to be like "Hi I am so lonely will you please be my girlfriend and we can be in love and stuffs" when you first meet her, but you need to let her know that you are not just some platonic guy friend, by being flirtacious\sexual with her.
Whenever you meet up with any girl you are interested in you should try to get physical with her as fast as possible just to set that tone, if you have known a girl/met up with her several times and just been all friendlyfriendtypeguy and then suddenly try to make moves its going to be kind of creepy\akward and also it will be pretty hard to get out of the friendzone unless the girl has some sort of crush on you or whatever (Which, no matter how awesome you are , is very unlikely to happen unless you show some intent.) But if you ,for example the first time you meet her hug her, and in general you just are a physical guy around her, then taking things further will be , as day9 would say it, the most normal thing in the world.
As somewhat of a sidenote, if a girl Likes you, then you are about 10000 times more likely to not get anywhere with her because you did not show enough intent, compared to you showing too much intent.
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On January 15 2011 18:35 Raeleigh wrote: So TL, how does that sound? Do I sound ridiculous or does some of this sound semi-helpful? Haha. Sorry if you don't agree with it, but this is just what I think you guys should be watching out for and really taking into consideration.
It's semi-helpful and also semi-ridiculous. "Fake it until you make it" works. I'm a perverted, pessimistic, bitter asshole, but I dress well, hold my head high, am highly intelligent, and pretend to be positive, especially in places where there's attractive women about, such as college; I also know how to dance when the occasion calls for it. So, basically, I am as successful with women as I feel like being, within the bounds of the 10% rule (for every 10 women you talk to, you'll have success with 1). All it requires is that I put on a show, which encompasses nothing about being honest.
On January 15 2011 18:43 NeverGG wrote: The illustrations are so cute. I kind of skimmed it, but the advice seems sound and I agree about some of us girls finding the whole 'baller'/d-bag attitude a bit overpowering and kind of lame. It's not really relevant to me personally because I've found that most guys can't get past me being ugly, and having really geeky hobbies (far geekier than SC.) and most of the guys I've liked myself have already got girlfriends, or see me as friend-material only due to these issues.
As a single guy who's seen where you are on the attractiveness scale, your biggest turn off [to me] is your lack of confidence.
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Calgary25938 Posts
On January 16 2011 10:24 Raeleigh wrote: On another note: Can mods just lock this blog? It's derailed from the original purpose, and I'm a bit disappointed it's done so. Done. The way you handled criticism in this thread is appalling. If you want to open discussion on TL, you have to be able to justify yourself to people who don't buy in so quickly. I happen to agree with everything Rekrul posted (well, up until the "that's how you pick up girls").
You can't just take the praise while brushing off all criticism as offensive.
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Calgary25938 Posts
Also this made me scratch my head for a few minutes:
I'm sorry, when did I say I only had 2 serious relationships? I've had more than 2 relationships, but only 2 of them were serious. ???
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