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On January 15 2011 19:00 HaFnium wrote:
5/5 very nice blog.
I dont think its just a girl blog, the confidence part can apply to most things in life really.
really like that!
PS: cute drawings
That's completely true! =] Confidence is something everyone needs and should be working towards obtaining. Best part is, it isn't something like school or work that takes up your time. It's something that can happen anytime, all the time. =]
Thanks!
On January 15 2011 19:00 Akasha wrote:
These pictures are cute as hell. Needs to be stickied in here honestly....
Haha, maybe one day! Someone can co-write the "Blog to Girls and other life skills" or something with me. ;D Just kidding. (: Thanks!
On January 15 2011 19:01 arb wrote:
Mm..maybe this will help me even though ive ruined my chance with the girl i want
go me :D
nice pics btw
It's never too late to try. ^___^
Come at it new again, and try a different approach. If it didn't work the first time, try being friends first, play some co-op games together(if she's into that), and see where it goes from there.
If you honestly really like her, be willing to invest the time into the friendship. ^_^
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On January 15 2011 18:56 Frozun wrote:
I think YOU might have gotten stuck in your comfort zone NeverGG. I haven't been on the forums in a while but I remember you were quite the awesome person. I'm sure it's easy to get in the mindset of "if a guy likes me he will come talk to me" and end up just waiting and waiting.
It's kind of hard here too since a lot of people don't speak the same language as me, and although I've been trying to study it's slow progress. Plus the ideals of beauty here are something I'm never going to fit without a lot of plastic surgery and dieting. I don't socialize at all since I retired due to feeling pressure about looking the way I do. It's why I dropped out of having the few friends I actually did here in the first place and I'm still too concerned about it to try and find some new ones.
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really like it.
Pics are so great, bieber hair FTW ! :D I knew that we have on TL so many talented artists but this is so awesome ! 
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On January 15 2011 19:07 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 19:00 HaFnium wrote:
5/5 very nice blog.
I dont think its just a girl blog, the confidence part can apply to most things in life really.
really like that!
PS: cute drawings That's completely true! =] Confidence is something everyone needs and should be working towards obtaining. Best part is, it isn't something like school or work that takes up your time. It's something that can happen anytime, all the time. =] Thanks! Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 19:00 Akasha wrote:
These pictures are cute as hell. Needs to be stickied in here honestly.... Haha, maybe one day! Someone can co-write the "Blog to Girls and other life skills" or something with me. ;D Just kidding. (: Thanks! Show nested quote +On January 15 2011 19:01 arb wrote:
Mm..maybe this will help me even though ive ruined my chance with the girl i want
go me :D
nice pics btw It's never too late to try. ^___^ Come at it new again, and try a different approach. If it didn't work the first time, try being friends first, play some co-op games together(if she's into that), and see where it goes from there. If you honestly really like her, be willing to invest the time into the friendship. ^_^
5 months with no results is long enough for me, so ill move on.
:'D
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On January 15 2011 19:10 arb wrote:
5 months with no results is long enough for me, so ill move on.
:'D
Ah, darn. That's unfortunate. D:
But if you're good with moving on, that's awesome. [:
Be confident. >: ]
On January 15 2011 19:10 NIIINO wrote:really like it. Pics are so great, bieber hair FTW ! :D I knew that we have on TL so many talented artists but this is so awesome !
Thank you! xD I actually have very little talent drawing males, but females I'm like FYEAH. Haha.
Thanks again. ^___^
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wow, looks like a great blog with sound advice. and these pictures are oh so cuuuute. <3 <3
good job, thx!^^
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On January 15 2011 19:13 Black Gun wrote:
wow, looks like a great blog with sound advice. and these pictures are oh so cuuuute. <3 <3
good job, thx!^^
You're welcome! Thank you as well. ^____^ ♥
I am honestly so happy so many people have enjoyed it. I was worried (still am a bit) that it might be a bit ridiculous and fatfetched. ^_~
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5/5 Perfect work! 
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This blog was awesome, the illustrations made it even better.
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On January 15 2011 19:16 TheJoyBringer wrote:5/5 Perfect work!
On January 15 2011 19:19 moopie wrote:This blog was awesome, the illustrations made it even better.
Thanks to both of you. (:
I was gonna post with just text, but it is a bit long and I thought the images would be good to break it up. ^_~
Plus, it makes the blog seem a bit more.. positive. xD!
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Zurich15306 Posts
Oh wow that awesome. I just skimmed over this. Until I saw the first cutesy picture, then I had to rewind and start reading form the top. Really well done, thank you for this Raleigh
I am afraid though this will do nothing to reduce the amount or naivety of TL's girl blogs :-)
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On January 15 2011 19:29 zatic wrote:
Oh wow that awesome. I just skimmed over this. Until I saw the first cutesy picture, then I had to rewind and start reading form the top. Really well done, thank you for this Raleigh
I am afraid though this will do nothing to reduce the amount or naivety of TL's girl blogs :-)
That's okay. ^_~
As long as some people read it and enjoy, and even if just one person takes something away from it, i'll be pleased. ^__^
Thank you very much!
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yea this is really a good post! i read the beginning then had to go out but definitely coming back to finish it later!
love the illustrations and advice!
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Loved the pictures lol :D
I read the whole thing and I have some questions!
There's this girl (my best friend actually ouch!), I've known her for about 2 years (almost 3). We talk every day, we help eachother with out problems and all that stuff best friends do...anyway, like arounch march of 2010 I started having feelings for her, I was in a horrible situation at that moment (I was doing my best to get over a really bad relationship) and all she did was to try to cheer me up as much as possible, she even bought a chocolate cake (like...the single best cake I had...EVER!) for my birthday (nobody has ever donde this to me :/ ) and of course, before I knew it I really started to like her.
Anyways, around like june I started getting all depresive, she started feeling unconfortable around me since I was all creepy and what not, posting -as you said- stupid emo facebook statuses and all that jazz. I was seriously going crazy and I thought that the best thing I could do was to tell her, so that's what I did, I told her what I was feeling (by "tuenti", that is like the spanish facebook or something...pathetic). She told me not to worry, that she will never actually "stop" being friends with me because of that.
Now, here comes the "main" part of this. Right before I went to Canada (the first 3 weeks of December) she kept telling me that she wished that she had come with me...that she wanted me to take many pics...etc etc, she then told me that she wanted to go out with me when I returned to Paris, like to celebrate on our own way "new years eve".
We went out, we took many pictures, she told me she didn't invite anyone else because she only wanted to be with me and at the end of the day she told me that she really appreciated me alot and that she had a great time.
This means that i'm confused as hell now, is it even possible for a girl to go from not liking you to linking you in 6 months?, we talk alot (even more than before) on a regular basis and she keeps telling me that if she had some time free she would love to go out again to drink some coffe or to visit random parks to take pictures (we both enjoy photography :D).
Should I keep my cool and continue like this? or should I try something before she loses interest? I'm a shy guy (what a surprise!) and whenever my friends tell me to go for it I tell them that it is impossible for me, i'm scared as hell of rejection and I don't want another year depressed or whatever. For now everything is too good to be true and I seriously don't want to screw up everything.
I guess that's about it lol, if you don't understand something, just tell me and I will rephrase it. My English isn't that great
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Gonna preface all of this by saying that like your blog, the following is just my personal opinion. I don't want to come off as rude or anything, but I don't agree with quite everything you wrote. You have some points that are spot on, and other bits that I dislike.
Haha, alrighty. First of all, the pictures are adorable. Absolutely adorable.
I'm torn on your advice though. Seems kind of aimed towards a particular type of guy, (somewhat nerdy, lacking confidence), seeking to attract a particular type of girl, (somewhat nerdy, lacking confidence). That being said, this may be perfect for the TL audience, and it seems everyone so far loves it!
Everything about trying is great. Don't be nervous, go for it! Solid advice.
Tell her you're shy? I'm torn on this one. Again, if you're both the sorta awkward nervous types, this may be a great icebreaker, letting her know you're honest, etc. On the other hand, be really careful how you say it... You've got half a chance of coming off as wicked insecure. Very unattractive.
Girls(in most cases) are extremely understanding, and are usually willing to try and relate to you. So don't hesistate to say, "Hey, I'm totally interested in talking to you, but I'm a bit shy right now, haha. Wanna go hang out a bit?" There's nothing wrong with being somewhat confident and saying you're interested in her, and wanting to hang out a bit more.
Yes, as a general rule, girls are pretty understanding. But a guy bluntly saying "i'm really shy" is going to have crazy mixed results depending on what the girl in question already thinks of him. If she's interested so far, it could be seen as sort of cute, very honest, etc. If she's already a bit put off, it's another nail in the coffin, excuse to leave, and so on. Gauge carefully, as not all girls are the same.
2. Something that plays hand in hand with Shyness is Anxiety. You're shy, so you worry. What are you worrying about? What people will think about you. You're then fearing talking to them. You get uneasy, and you decide, "Nevermind, i'll try again tomorrow." You head home, and you feel bad because you let your anxiety really take over.
Solid life advice that can be applied to more or less any situation. Asking that girl out, applying for that job, signing up for that class, etc.
When it comes to anxiety about affection towards a girl, let her know. Like I said, girls are understanding. Tell her, and if she cares she'll do her best to acomdate you, and to help you. If she doesn't care, she's not worth your time.
An ex of mine before had serious anxiety problems. I did my best to acomadate him, to make him feel comfortable, to let him calm himself down from the anxiety he was feeling. If he needed a hug, needed to take a breather, needed some alone time, that was fine.
Here I'm kinda lost. This is where I think such advice is only really applicable to shy/geeky guys, seeking kind of shy/geeky girls. I know girls who would find this seriously passive behavior a *major* turn off or deal breaker.
3. Your comfort zone is what you feel comfortable doing, what you feel confident doing. This has a role in anxiety, your shyness, and your confidence. You've gotta really break out of the bubble in order to start a conversation with a girl, to meet new people, to try new things.
Again, solid life advice that can be applied to anything. Try things you're nervous about! You'll never get over it if you don't try.
There are ways, of course, to get out of your comfort zone in a negative way. You could decide, "Hey, i'm gonna jump out of this bubble today, and experience all the world has to offer. Right now." If things end up not going your way, and you start to panic, get shy, and lose your confidence, you'll be flopping around outside your comfort zone bubble with no comfort at all. You'll head home, lay in bed, and the bubble will slowly come back, and you'll regret what you did completely. You'll decide you won't do it again, and trying new things will really be out of the picture. So make sure you're not getting too cocky, or over confident, and you're taking things slow.
Hmmm.... dunno. Sometimes it is best to just jump into the deep end, and see what happens. Again, this sort of advice can be applied to many general life situations, not strictly limited to dating.
If you're talking to a girl, and you start to feel uncomfortable, tell her you'll talk to her later, and try again later. Girls understand that you feel uncomfortable. Chances are, she's felt it too. Once you establish a friendship with a girl, and you are becoming closer, it won't hurt to say "Hey, I'm kinda shy sometimes, sorry!", "I get kinda anxious sometimes, I hope you don't mind." or "I'm starting to feel more comfortable around you, maybe we can hang out sometime. "
If a girl is intereted, even just a tiny bit, she'll love to know that you're trying to get comfortable around her, and that you want to hang out.
I know I'm probably repeating myself, but this sort of thing really depends on what she already thinks of you. You're going to get alllll sorts of mixed results. A girl may be interested in you, hear this and think "Wtf make a move already." She might conversely find it endearing. Everyone's different. One girl, (probably the shy type) might love the honest gesture, and another may see you as weak or whatnot.
4. Something that guys will do, that I've noticed, is try too hard. Sometimes, a girl will love to see that you're trying so hard, but othertimes, it might really bother her, or she might find it really odd. You just gotta chill and let things work out how they're going to work out.
There's a very fine line between being confident, and trying too hard. Often, and yes once again, a lot of this is going to depend on what she already thinks of you, how interested she is, what her goals are, etc. Two different guys could act almost exactly the same, yet previous encounters, personality, etc, will render drastically different results.
Tall, well-dressed guy you've been eying all night and hoping he notices you approaches, starts a conversation, and starts talking about how good he is at X:
"Oooo... *and* he's good at X? " ----> smile, casually flick hair, act interested, hope he continues.
Kinda ugly, unkempt guy who smells and your best friend already warned you about approaches you, starts a conversation, and starts talking about how good he is at X:
"Ohhhh god and he's full of himself to boot..." -----> fake a cramp, run to bathroom, avoid said guy for rest of night.
(I use looks/cleanliness in this example because it's simple. Could easily be any personality trait that she's already picked up on from past conversations with you)
So, to avoid trying to hard, just stay chill. Show you're interested, but don't drown her in yourself. Let her mull things over and really think about the possibility of you two. Let her talk to you first, or let her say "Hey, teach me how to play Starcraft 2."]
The likelihood of this particular scenario happening is pretty low, lol. Don't be put off if a girl you just started dating has absolutely zero interest in what computer games you play. Again, sort of makes me feel that this blog is aimed at a very specific demographic.
Overreacting is one of the things that can really ruin a friendship, or ruin what a girl had previously thought of you. If you tell her you like her, and she says, "Umm, I don't know how I feel!" you just need to accept it, and tell her to tell you when she does know. If you overreact, cry, get upset, post emo facebook statuses, she'll think it's a bit weird that you're overreacting so much.
If she says no to hanging out lots of times, and you confront her about it, saying she acts interested but doesn't ever seem to want to hang out, she'll be put on the spot, and most likely say things she doens't mean. Or act in a way she wouldn't normally.
Solid advice. Keep your cool in a situation where she's panicking, help her through it etc, and you've earned major points. Throw a pissy fit, cry, post FB messages or whatnot, and you'll come off as a loser.
Edit A main message I REALLY wanted to point out was the fact that having confidence is honestly one of the MOST important things you can accomplish in life. It's not easy, and it's not something that'll happen just like that. It's something you really need to feel happening, and you need to let happen. It's something that once you have it, it should stick with you forever. It makes getting through life a lot easier, and a lot more enjoyable. A+ advice for life in general!
Anyway, there's my quick thoughts. I'll surely be posting more randomly as the thread progresses.
edit: durrrrrrr i can quote properly, T_T
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What is it with girls always telling you these long guides how finding a girl is some sort of rocket science?
Best way to find out if a girl likes you is to grab her by the ass. If she slaps you or is in any other way uncomfortable, repeat it on another girl. Eventually someone will accept you and you will be able to pass on your genetic material, thus fulfilling your evolutionary purpose.
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Awesome topic, I'm kind of isolated in general at the moment, basically starting all over in terms of friendships and confidence and such. One of the things I've thought about recently is finding something that will give me unwavering courage to move forward and be positive, because right now I feel so negative that I have to actively monitor myself and actively think positively at all times, instead of letting it happen naturally. The thing I came up with is a tree... I'm going to find a tree and basically become friends with it (visit it a couple times a week) so I can learn things from it (how to be strong in any situation).
The biggest obstacle for me is having confidence in my mind but not being able to express it with my body (through words or actions). Then when I try, I probably seem too interested / try too hard to listen to them so it becomes awkward.
Anyway, I've heard a lot of advice about a lot of different things, but I think the most important thing I could take from this was the confidence bubble. It's easier for me to visualize a bubble than it is to just say "oh, well there's this thing called a comfort zone..." because wtf is a comfort zone? I used to think of it as something that could be there whenever you feel like it. Like, if you feel horrible, it's not there. But a bubble seems more consistent, so we'll go with that for now. Haha. Really enjoy your insight, and the characters. ^_^
Time to go work on stretching my bubble. lol
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
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good effort, I liked some of the parts, but I really disagree with how you mention friendship, to me it sounds a bit naive and, no offense, makes me wonder how old you are.
Because in my experience if you're interested in someone it's almost always bad to become friends. You should decide what you want right from the start and I dont think the friendship->relationship transition happens often for adults.
It's also one of the biggest mistakes young nerdlings do in their youth, become the BFF of the girl they're in love with. Do not get friendzoned. After that you have very little chance. If you like someone, show your intentions (without saying "i like you" preferably, you dont have to spell it out T_T)
Of course everything depends on the girl, because women aren't all the same, maybe it's less the case for the geeky, nerdy type like haemonculus mentions, also there are of course couples who were friends first, but I am pretty sure it's the case for the majority of women.
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5/5 for an awesome job. the illustrations made it much better. the drawings were really cute.
<3
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EPT
