EPTI'm no expert in any means, but I thought it might be nice to hear things from a girls point of view. I'm speaking about girls in a general sense, so if I'm wrong and another girl wants to add to it, that'd be wonderful!
The 4 topics I want to talk about are;
1. How to initiate contact with a girl and Being too shy to make a move.
2. Anxiety. Being anxious about meeting people. Performance anxiety(affection).
3. Getting out of your comfort zone.
4. Not trying too hard and Overreacting to different situations.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/2f711ec3.png)
Depending where you're meeting a girl, and just how shy you are, there are millions of ways to start talking to one. It depends on your comfort zone, how far you're willing to get out of that comfort zone, how anxious you are, how you're going to react to the situation if it goes well, or goes poorly.
1. When you want to start talking to a girl, chances are you've seen her before either on a different day, or you saw her earlier that day. The best thing to do is take mental note of maybe something she's doing, she has with her, or something she could be wearing(Anime Convention!). The biggest obstacle you have is how shy you are.
From personal experience, as an example; I met my boyfriend at a Starcraft 2 tournament. I had my friends huge DSLR camera, and he came over and said, "Nice camera.
" (He smiled after, so I included a smiley face!) I giggled and we started talking from there. He noticed what I had with me, and struck up a conversation about it. I learned from him that he also did photography, and we started talking more. Basically, we hung out for the rest of the day and talked lots more.The thing you really need to remember is an opportunity missed today is an opportunity you probably won't get again. So being shy now is going to really harm any chance you have with a girl you may like. If you can't get that initial friendship down, there's nothing for a relationship to evolve from.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/376090dc.png)
So, initiate the conversation. If you're at an anime convention, ask a girl if she's enjoying herself, if she's been to any fun events, or if she's seen any really cool cosplays. If you're at the mall, restaurant, somewhere public, ask how her day is going. A girl loves to see that you're actually interested in what she has to say. So pay attention. It may be difficult, but if you're sincerely interested in a girl, there's no reason not to be interested in what she says. Maybe she's got a camera with her, ask if she does lots of photography. If you think you can be funny, then try. If you think about it, if you mess up with this one girl you haven't met yet, as pretty of a silver jewel she is, there are plenty other diamonds out there. ;D (That was my attempt at a Starcraft 2 related girl joke. Oh boy.) There are many other girls you can talk to. Consider every time you talk to a girl a learning experience, and eventually you have an arsenal of cute conversation starters.
Best thing to do about shyness? As hard as it may be, but swallow any sort of shyness you may have, and just go for it. But you need to be confident in what you're doing. If you can't be 100% confident, don't fake it. I remember reading a thread that said, "Not confident yet? Fake it until it is." That's the worst way to do it. If you're not 100% confident yet, and you're getting there, you do the best with what you have. Being honest and being who you are is what a girl will want. I don't want someone to pretend they're confident, and pretend they're awesome. I want someone to know they're pretty confident, and know they're pretty awesome. So will other girls.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/0b14217f.png)
sup i'm a d-bag vs hey i'm a pretty cool guy tbh
There's no one else in this world but you who will know how to get over your own shyness. So take some time on your to really think about it. When do you get nervous, why do you get nervous? Figure those things about really think about ways to conquer them. Day[9] has said, going into a match with a game plan is the best way to do it, even if you don't stick to it. So, think of things you want to do, and try. If they don't work, try again. You're not going to be able to talk to a girl right way, or know how to start conversations, or get over your shyness with a few days. You really gotta work towards the better.
If you've got a girl that you're friends with, and you're interested in her, but too shy, try talking to her, and see what happens. Try to improve your confidence, and talk to her again. She'll notice the difference.
But that's all I can really say on the subjet. Be confident, and if you can't be, always do your best and think of ways to improve your confidence. Take the risk and ask a girl a question. Once you start talking to her, tell her you're a bit shy. It might turn out that she's a bit shy and socially awkward too. When you both know that about each other, it'd ease the feelings you both have a bit, and make a bit easier to talk. If there's lots of "umms" and "so..'s", that's okay. Take things slow.
Girls(in most cases) are extremely understanding, and are usually willing to try and relate to you. So don't hesistate to say, "Hey, I'm totally interested in talking to you, but I'm a bit shy right now, haha. Wanna go hang out a bit?" There's nothing wrong with being somewhat confident and saying you're interested in her, and wanting to hang out a bit more.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/0e99e6dd.png)
2. Something that plays hand in hand with Shyness is Anxiety. You're shy, so you worry. What are you worrying about? What people will think about you. You're then fearing talking to them. You get uneasy, and you decide, "Nevermind, i'll try again tomorrow." You head home, and you feel bad because you let your anxiety really take over.
In reality, there is nothing to be anxious about when you're meeting new people. Whether they're girls or guys, there should be no real fear. In most cases, they're feeling just as anxious or nervous as you are, and probably have all the same worries. From my experience, when you get the courage to start talking to a few people, they aren't judging you as harshly as you're judging yourself. They're observant, if anything. If you become friends with these people, and later in the friendship you're more comfortable around them, they'll definitely notice. They'll remember how nervous you were, how you became friends, and how you're totally awesome now, once you got over the anxiety and the nervous feelings.
The only thing I can really saying about anxiety is you need to be confident. That's the biggest thing when you're dealing with girls, or even new people. If you're with a group, and you're 25% confident, and you talk a bit, people will notice you. The more people notice you, the bigger chance they'll be interested in why you're nervous, or interested in talking to you.
When it comes to anxiety about affection towards a girl, let her know. Like I said, girls are understanding. Tell her, and if she cares she'll do her best to acomdate you, and to help you. If she doesn't care, she's not worth your time.
An ex of mine before had serious anxiety problems. I did my best to acomadate him, to make him feel comfortable, to let him calm himself down from the anxiety he was feeling. If he needed a hug, needed to take a breather, needed some alone time, that was fine.
If you think you need a moment, say you need a moment. Explain to your girlfriend, to the girl your interested in, to the people you're talking to, to the new people you're becoming friends with. Step outside, take a moment to breath, calm yourself, and try again. People appreciate how hard you're trying more than you probably know. Especially girlfriends or close friends.
The biggest thing with anxiety is knowing when it starts for you. When you do, find out what calms you down the best. You need to remember to have patience with yourself, and tell the people around you to have a bit of patience with you, because something like anxiety is extremely hard to deal with at times. Be patient and know that the more you work at it, the more time you spend with people, new people, the easier it will all get.
Of course, if you have serious anxiety problems, and they don't go away, talk to your doctor. Anxiety disorder is incredibly common nowadays, and there's nothing wrong if you have it. It just means you have a bit more to work through. Be confident you can do it. Keep your friends close, and ask them to support you, cause you really need it.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/49a85f1f.png)
3. Your comfort zone is what you feel comfortable doing, what you feel confident doing. This has a role in anxiety, your shyness, and your confidence. You've gotta really break out of the bubble in order to start a conversation with a girl, to meet new people, to try new things.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/99c2d074.png)
if you're comfortable peeing in public, good job. *thumbs up*
Like getting over your shyness, and dealing with your anxiety, you just need to take it slow. Find out what you're comfortable doing, what you're uncomfortable doing, and tackle it one day at a time. If you're uncomfortable talking to a girl, or talking to new people, it'll show through. You need to really be willing to break away from the comfort zone, feel at least a bit confident in what you're doing, and do it. No questions, no second thoughts, nothing.
Test your comfort zone a bit more each day. Talk to that girl, and at least establish a friendship. The next day, ask her how her day was, what music she likes, what she does for fun. The next day, ask her more about herself, what she does for work, school, what she's really interested in. The next day, ask if she wants to hang out. Each day, you're pushing that limit a bit more. Really imagine you're in a bubble, and really imagine you're stretching it out, each day. Eventually, it'll be big enough that talking to a girl will be, quite literally, right in your comfort zone. Asking a girl to go watch a movie or to take a walk with you through the park will seem perfectly normal, and something you'll be comfortable AND confident doing. This is the positive way to get out of your comfort zone. By taking it slow, looking at ways to try something new and small each day.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/5174fafe.png)
There are ways, of course, to get out of your comfort zone in a negative way. You could decide, "Hey, i'm gonna jump out of this bubble today, and experience all the world has to offer. Right now." If things end up not going your way, and you start to panic, get shy, and lose your confidence, you'll be flopping around outside your comfort zone bubble with no comfort at all. You'll head home, lay in bed, and the bubble will slowly come back, and you'll regret what you did completely. You'll decide you won't do it again, and trying new things will really be out of the picture. So make sure you're not getting too cocky, or over confident, and you're taking things slow.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/10541a54.png)
If you're talking to a girl, and you start to feel uncomfortable, tell her you'll talk to her later, and try again later. Girls understand that you feel uncomfortable. Chances are, she's felt it too. Once you establish a friendship with a girl, and you are becoming closer, it won't hurt to say "Hey, I'm kinda shy sometimes, sorry!", "I get kinda anxious sometimes, I hope you don't mind." or "I'm starting to feel more comfortable around you, maybe we can hang out sometime.
"If a girl is intereted, even just a tiny bit, she'll love to know that you're trying to get comfortable around her, and that you want to hang out.
4. Something that guys will do, that I've noticed, is try too hard. Sometimes, a girl will love to see that you're trying so hard, but othertimes, it might really bother her, or she might find it really odd. You just gotta chill and let things work out how they're going to work out.
Trying to hard would be things like asking a girl to hang out every time you talk to her, or asking what she's doing next week all the time, or asking why she doesn't ever give you a straight answer when you ask if she wants to hang out. These are also borderline creepy. Just so you know. ^_~
When you've finally established that friendship with a girl, and you're talking to her, but worried she thinks you talk to much, do not act indifferent. Just wait for her to text you first next time, or give it a few days and come back and ask what's new in her life. If she talks to you, still act interested, but listen more than talk. If you act indifferent towards her, you're going to hurt her. If she's interested in you at all, she might rethink her interest and think, "Oh no, maybe he really doesn't like me.." and she'll stop before she gets hurt. Or, she may continue on. Really depends on the friendship you 2 have.
Ask her to hang out sometimes, but if she said she's busy, just tell her if she wants to hang out, think of a time and to get back to you, then drop the subject for a bit. Just talk normally, get to know her more, and then maybe after a few days, ask if she's thought about it. If she says no, no big deal, try again in a couple weeks.
If you try too hard to get a relationship going quickly, she'll get flustered and will back away. Of course, it could work, but more times than not, she'll want to be friends first, and get to know you more before she trusts you with her feelings or her heart. If you honestly, really like a girl, she'll be a time investment. You'll get to know her over a few months, she'll get to know you, and when(if) you finally start dating, it'll be rewarding, because you'll be close already from the friendship you two created.
So, to avoid trying too hard, just stay chill. Show you're interested, but don't drown her in yourself. Let her mull things over and really think about the possibility of you two. Let her talk to you first, or let her say "Hey, teach me how to play Starcraft 2."
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/a53c233c.png)
Let her try to explore your interests, let her try to get to know you on her own without you telling her your lifestory. Once she's trying to get to know you, and trying to partake in your interests, tell her you like her. If she returns the feelings, fuck yeah you do awesome. If not, tell her that's fine, and if you want, stay friends with her. Just keep your head up, be positive, and know that maybe in the future it could work out, or, move on.
Now, if things don't go the way you want, and you're uncertain if her feelings for you are the same, don't overreact. A common mistake everone will make is to overreact, panic, and worry. If she doesn't return your feelings, and you're starting to get disappointed, don't overreact. Don't make it seem worse than it is. Just breath, and continue on with your life. The more you dwell on it, the more difficult it will be to move on, to let go. Yeah, your heart is broken, but it'll heal. The biggest thing is, time doesn't heal wounds. You heal them. You know better than anyone else about what makes you happy, what makes the pain go away.
If she doesn't return your feelings, the pain will go away. You still have yourself and your friends, so there's no need to worry.
Overreacting is one of the things that can really ruin a friendship, or ruin what a girl had previously thought of you. If you tell her you like her, and she says, "Umm, I don't know how I feel!" you just need to accept it, and tell her to tell you when she does know. If you overreact, cry, get upset, post emo facebook statuses, she'll think it's a bit weird that you're overreacting so much.
If she says no to hanging out lots of times, and you confront her about it, saying she acts interested but doesn't ever seem to want to hang out, she'll be put on the spot, and most likely say things she doens't mean. Or act in a way she wouldn't normally.
So you just need to remember to take things as they are, and look at them in a positive light.
![[image loading]](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d73/Klissie/teamliquidblog/261fb1ba.png)
Edit A main message I REALLY wanted to point out was the fact that having confidence is honestly one of the MOST important things you can accomplish in life. It's not easy, and it's not something that'll happen just like that. It's something you really need to feel happening, and you need to let happen. It's something that once you have it, it should stick with you forever. It makes getting through life a lot easier, and a lot more enjoyable.
So TL, how does that sound? Do I sound ridiculous or does some of this sound semi-helpful? Haha. Sorry if you don't agree with it, but this is just what I think you guys should be watching out for and really taking into consideration.
If you have any comments, please post them! I'm open to thoughts and opinions.
If this works out well and people enjoy reading it, I'll most likely do it again. I have a few other topics I could talk about, but if you have any ideas, I'm more than open to hearing them. If you have any questions, you can send me a message as well if you don't want other people to read!
Please don't get offended! The pictures are meant to lighten the situation and make it a bit fun. ^_^ Also, I DO know I cannot draw guys hair unless you want swoopy-bieber hair. LOL.
Thanks TL, hope you enjoyed my blog! ♥
Edit I've included a spoiler tag of other questions I've answered in the thread [:
+ Show Spoiler +
On January 15 2011 18:56 topspinserve wrote:
Great read, I love the illustrations! You do a really good job explaining how do open a conversation in a non-awkward manner, but I never really hear about anyone striking up a random conversation with someone in a public place like a mall. I personally wouldn't mind someone talking to me, but might the person you're trying to talk to feel weird?
Great read, I love the illustrations! You do a really good job explaining how do open a conversation in a non-awkward manner, but I never really hear about anyone striking up a random conversation with someone in a public place like a mall. I personally wouldn't mind someone talking to me, but might the person you're trying to talk to feel weird?
Ah, yeah, there were quite a few things I probably left out, haha. I'll touch on that now.
Personally, like you said yourself, you wouldn't mind someone speaking to. I think the way the world has developed, things like talking to people randomly in public is a bit more accepted. Yeah, you might walk away and be like, "Hey, that was odd." but you're not freaking out about it(My boyfriend kinda does LOL.)
It's like another thread from before, talking about just making someone's day with a simple, small conversation. You're reaching out to this person who looks like they might be having a bad day, and by having this simple convo, you're allowing them smile, and they feel better.
It could be like that in a mall. Maybe you see a cute girl, and she looks a bit down. Walk over and say, "Cheer up buttercup. How's your day going?" Keep it casual, and get a little giggle out of her. Once a girl giggles, in my experience, they'll smile shortly after. ^_~
But the mall, it really, really depends on what the situation is. If she's with a few friends, and they look like they're having fun, wait till they sit down, sit by their table, turn and ask about their day, maybe some stuff they've bought. You just need to be confident that you're cool, and they should have no problems following your thought.
I'm not gonna touch on the subject of "What if this girl is a complete cow and acts like a bitch" because you know, it happens. You need to just shrug it off, and know that there are a million times better acting girls around. No jokes. ^_~
On January 15 2011 20:05 Ko1tz wrote:
Loved the pictures lol :D
I read the whole thing and I have some questions!
There's this girl (my best friend actually ouch!), I've known her for about 2 years (almost 3). We talk every day, we help eachother with out problems and all that stuff best friends do...anyway, like arounch march of 2010 I started having feelings for her, I was in a horrible situation at that moment (I was doing my best to get over a really bad relationship) and all she did was to try to cheer me up as much as possible, she even bought a chocolate cake (like...the single best cake I had...EVER!) for my birthday (nobody has ever donde this to me :/ ) and of course, before I knew it I really started to like her.
Anyways, around like june I started getting all depresive, she started feeling unconfortable around me since I was all creepy and what not, posting -as you said- stupid emo facebook statuses and all that jazz. I was seriously going crazy and I thought that the best thing I could do was to tell her, so that's what I did, I told her what I was feeling (by "tuenti", that is like the spanish facebook or something...pathetic). She told me not to worry, that she will never actually "stop" being friends with me because of that.
Now, here comes the "main" part of this. Right before I went to Canada (the first 3 weeks of December) she kept telling me that she wished that she had come with me...that she wanted me to take many pics...etc etc, she then told me that she wanted to go out with me when I returned to Paris, like to celebrate on our own way "new years eve".
We went out, we took many pictures, she told me she didn't invite anyone else because she only wanted to be with me and at the end of the day she told me that she really appreciated me alot and that she had a great time.
This means that i'm confused as hell now, is it even possible for a girl to go from not liking you to linking you in 6 months?, we talk alot (even more than before) on a regular basis and she keeps telling me that if she had some time free she would love to go out again to drink some coffe or to visit random parks to take pictures (we both enjoy photography :D).
Should I keep my cool and continue like this? or should I try something before she loses interest? I'm a shy guy (what a surprise!) and whenever my friends tell me to go for it I tell them that it is impossible for me, i'm scared as hell of rejection and I don't want another year depressed or whatever. For now everything is too good to be true and I seriously don't want to screw up everything.
I guess that's about it lol, if you don't understand something, just tell me and I will rephrase it. My English isn't that great
Loved the pictures lol :D
I read the whole thing and I have some questions!
There's this girl (my best friend actually ouch!), I've known her for about 2 years (almost 3). We talk every day, we help eachother with out problems and all that stuff best friends do...anyway, like arounch march of 2010 I started having feelings for her, I was in a horrible situation at that moment (I was doing my best to get over a really bad relationship) and all she did was to try to cheer me up as much as possible, she even bought a chocolate cake (like...the single best cake I had...EVER!) for my birthday (nobody has ever donde this to me :/ ) and of course, before I knew it I really started to like her.
Anyways, around like june I started getting all depresive, she started feeling unconfortable around me since I was all creepy and what not, posting -as you said- stupid emo facebook statuses and all that jazz. I was seriously going crazy and I thought that the best thing I could do was to tell her, so that's what I did, I told her what I was feeling (by "tuenti", that is like the spanish facebook or something...pathetic). She told me not to worry, that she will never actually "stop" being friends with me because of that.
Now, here comes the "main" part of this. Right before I went to Canada (the first 3 weeks of December) she kept telling me that she wished that she had come with me...that she wanted me to take many pics...etc etc, she then told me that she wanted to go out with me when I returned to Paris, like to celebrate on our own way "new years eve".
We went out, we took many pictures, she told me she didn't invite anyone else because she only wanted to be with me and at the end of the day she told me that she really appreciated me alot and that she had a great time.
This means that i'm confused as hell now, is it even possible for a girl to go from not liking you to linking you in 6 months?, we talk alot (even more than before) on a regular basis and she keeps telling me that if she had some time free she would love to go out again to drink some coffe or to visit random parks to take pictures (we both enjoy photography :D).
Should I keep my cool and continue like this? or should I try something before she loses interest? I'm a shy guy (what a surprise!) and whenever my friends tell me to go for it I tell them that it is impossible for me, i'm scared as hell of rejection and I don't want another year depressed or whatever. For now everything is too good to be true and I seriously don't want to screw up everything.
I guess that's about it lol, if you don't understand something, just tell me and I will rephrase it. My English isn't that great
Your English is fantastic. =)
I think one of the things is when you're apart from someone you spend everyday with, someone you're best friends with, if there are more than just best friend feelings, they'll start to show when you're apart. I've heard before, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It could be something along these lines, right?
If I were you, I'd try to hang out with her at every possible time, if she's acting the way she is. The best thing to do (Like Haemonculus said) sometimes is to just jump out of the comfort zone you have, and take the risk of trying to be with her again. If she said she'd still be friends with you even after what you said, there has to be something there that enjoyed hearing that you like her more than just a friend.
If someone I'm not interested in tells me they like me, I often will stop talking to them for a while, because either it caught me by surprise, or I'm not feelin the same thing. We'll start talking again after a while, but it's often not the same. So take advantage of the fact that she said she'll still be your friend. (:
If anyone else has input, I'm sure he'd love to hear it. ^_^
On January 16 2011 05:12 Haemonculus wrote:
This is like the most obvious example that she's not interested.
This is like the most obvious example that she's not interested.
