EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 936
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Why bloodwhore? Because in scenario 3 you're being a douche who puts pressure and she will rightly call it off and forget about you. In scenario 2 you would indeed be a douche because you are too insecure to handle rejection from a randomer. In scenario one you're not being necessarily cool you're just being an emotionally healthy human being who is fine either way. It's gonna be a tuesday ffs what are you afraid of missing out on if she cancels? | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
At the same time, I am well aware that I can not show this to her, because a huge % of my success hinges on the moment when we meet in real life. Ironic, because I was bored out of my mind, messaging three girls to pass the time, her being one of them. Two of them were prime targets for your usual cringe knight adventure (ehich im kinda tired if), but it was fun talking with this one, and halfway through our cheesy conversation I realized that she is actually interested in me, and yes, all the box were checked so far, it's not just me forcing this. I dont even know why I'm typung this, lol. Anyway, I think I will compromise in your guys' advices. I will ask her, but only tomorrow. I mean, by around 1 pm tomorrow she really frickin should tell me what is up with WEDNESDAY, right? It would be much easier if we had a conversation rolling, but she did not msg me yet, and as I said, I dont want to be overwhelmibg. To her, I mean. No way I wouldn't bire you to death with precious details like this! | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
Something I love about this thread: Poster asks about advice regarding how to read something a girl does/say -> Thread: OMG, just don't overanalyse her behaviour, relax! Poster wants to do something -> Thread then proceeds to overanalyse how the girl will perceive that. If you don't know if a date is on or not, it is reasonable to ask. Assuming there is a reason to ask, if you wouldn't plan on doing anything regardless then you don't need to know in advance if the dates is going to happen sure, but otherwise it is absolutely reasonable to ask. And even if you have nothing to do whatsoever, you are still perfectly fine to ask. At least it is entertaining. I can chime in with the over analyzation (joke, do not take seriously Volband!): Ask, otherwise she will think that you are a pathetic loser who hasn’t anything worthy to do with his time, rather than meeting her. That is probably as reasonable as her feeling pressured/nagged by getting asked the day/evening before. Unless of course you already asked each day, but then you already fucked up (a little). | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 10 2017 19:27 B.I.G. wrote: Because in scenario 3 you're being a douche who puts pressure and she will rightly call it off and forget about you. In scenario 2 you would indeed be a douche because you are too insecure to handle rejection from a randomer. In scenario one you're not being necessarily cool you're just being an emotionally healthy human being who is fine either way. It's gonna be a tuesday ffs what are you afraid of missing out on if she cancels? If you don't have any plans of course you don't need to make it sound like you do, then there is no need to tell her anything. However, a person with an active social life could definitely have other plans. You honestly think you're being insecure because you're not interested in just waiting for a date that may or may not happen? I'd argue you're being very insecure if you don't even dare to ask her. And you're definitely being a push over if you're sacking other plans just to get the chance at going on a date with her. | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
On July 10 2017 21:20 bloodwhore~ wrote: If you don't have any plans of course you don't need to make it sound like you do, then there is no need to tell her anything. However, a person with an active social life could definitely have other plans. You honestly think you're being insecure because you're not interested in just waiting for a date that may or may not happen? I'd argue you're being very insecure if you don't even dare to ask her. And you're definitely being a push over if you're sacking other plans just to get the chance at going on a date with her. I did something wrong with my gf  Do you think it is too late after all those years to ask her for forgiveness for being a pushover when we met? | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
I know that feels a bit uneasy because you're probably eager but I can tell you from my own experience that repeatedly asking will not make it any better. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8942 Posts
if you dont need to know this instant (i.e you dont have a possible clash for wednesday), just wait and see if she gets back to you. if it hits tuesday night and theres still no answer ask her if youre on for wednesday. she will answer yes or no and problem is solved. really not that difficult. how she will perceive complete silence or multiple follow ups depends completely on the nature of your relationship with her already. its impossible for anyone here to give advice tailored to your situation because no one knows what your conversations have been like (unless it was mentioned previously in this thread. i didnt read that far back). she might like that youre not so clingy/insecure by being completely silent, or she might like the fact that youre actually showing interest in her by following up on something she may have been too busy to attend to. just do what any rational emotionally healthy person would do as waffelz said. ask if you need to know now otherwise give her time to answer. if she doesnt give you a response when the time is almost up, then well, you have to ask at that point anyway. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18488 Posts
A whole page debating whether it's ok to ask a girl if your date is going to happen or not?! You know she's a regular human being right? Think to yourself: if this were a job interview, would it be ok if I asked if this is confirmed? The answer for your date is the same. I say job interview, because it's something we are expected to get invested in and nervous about without knowing much about anything yet, and thus in this sense is similar to a first date. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 10 2017 21:24 mahrgell wrote: I did something wrong with my gf Do you think it is too late after all those years to ask her for forgiveness for being a pushover when we met? What a hilarious way to take it out of context... If you don't know if things are confirmed for Wednesday then you can't make other plans for Wednesday. That's kind of annoying and is easily solvable. Which is exactly the reason why one would ask a question in order to figure out if you are still on or not. WTF just happened here, lol. A whole page debating whether it's ok to ask a girl if your date is going to happen or not?! You know she's a regular human being right? Think to yourself: if this were a job interview, would it be ok if I asked if this is confirmed? The answer for your date is the same. I say job interview, because it's something we are expected to get invested in and nervous about without knowing much about anything yet, and thus in this sense is similar to a first date. I honestly think everyone is on the same page more or less. People in this thread take everything you write way to literally. Generally people here are also under some psuedo logic that asking a question when given a really vague answer is being a alpha mysterious stud. | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
I can promise you this much though: she won't dismiss you as some sort of clingy beta for calling to confirm. You want to know, so you ask. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
This girl has the attention span of a goldfish... I was sweating bullets when she kept sending songs, while only answering half of my questions. "Oh, yeah, Wednesday!!" - bruh.... i mean, i guess it is kinda cute, but equally annoying. Anyway, she rescheduled her stuff, so I'll have 3 hours tops to give heher a lasting impression. We can do it, guys, even if we already lost LegalLord. I'll name my firstborn after hin if I succeed. Yeah, I am aware that I could be the coolest guy ever, and both of us having a good time, but that doesn't mean a damn if she is just not attracted. But I can't do much about that, so I have to focus on the things I can control. First of all, I am - as is tradition, my friends - more invested in this than her, and I fear it might hinder me, but I don't want to play any mind games. I think I'll have to wear my heart on my sleeve, otherwise I'd be just fake. Another worrying thing is the time. I don't believe I actually get 3 hours, so let's count with 2. Seems short, aye? Should I go hyper and try to make it the best 2 hours she ever had, or should I act cool? She is into poetry and stuff. Good, right? Well, she made 1 or 2 references which I am quite confident I did not get at all. What the hell am I supposed to do if it happens irl? Honestly, it makes me feel dumb. "What's that from?" and bamm, the disappointment paoined on her face. Also, how should I express if I don't find something as outstanding as she does? Like, a quote or lyrics. How do I tell her that imo it's just artsy, and not good at all, without getting murdered? | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
If you don't get something be honest. I have no idea about Harry potter, haven't read a book. Or Heinrich Heine or Hermann Hesse. I've just never been drawn to that. I personally am honest when an area doesn't strike my interest but I love when people talk about something they love, appreciate or similar. I'll go like: I have no idea what you were alluding to just now but I'd love you to tell me / I'll gladly listen to the back story. Also you should go as you.  Haha best advice ever I know.Don't set your mind on what you definitely will do (hyper or cool) but try and feel out the situation. Idk mate. If she takes your arm right away I'd suggest going to a park and relax on a bench n talk n cuddle. If not, hyper might be more appropriate (tbh I don't quite know what you mean). Kinda hard to answer. Feel it out | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
On July 11 2017 07:03 Artisreal wrote: If you don't find something outstanding, ask her why she thinks it is. This way you get to know her and continue the conversation. If you don't get something be honest. I have no idea about Harry potter, haven't read a book. Or Heinrich Heine or Hermann Hesse. I've just never been drawn to that. I personally am honest when an area doesn't strike my interest but I love when people talk about something they love, appreciate or similar. I'll go like: I have no idea what you were alluding to just now but I'd love you to tell me / I'll gladly listen to the back story. I generally agree with this post, but it should be mentioned: Only do the bolded thing, if you are of a similar type. Nothing is more offturning than someone faking interest and you notice 3 secs in, that the person actually doesn't give a damn at all about it. But yes, generally be honest and try to be yourself. Sure, this "be yourself" sounds like an overused phrase, but unless you are looking for quick short term success, always remember that your self-presentation also always basically creates an image of you, which, if you were faking it, will be difficult and annoying to keep up later. So if you are simply not the romantic type... don't try to be. If you are an introverted nerd, it might be helpful to raise your eyes from time to time and talk to her, but don't try to copy the dude you saw picking up girls in front of the gym. And if you are asked what you are doing all evening, and the truth is CS:GO training with your clan... just explain it,, I'm sure you can find a positive spin. Or you get the bad awakening later. And generally: look for everything shared. You both love hot chocolate or blueberry ice cream? Cool! Any activities either of you is talking about, and the other one likes em too or is interested? That could be done together later. As a date or just in general future. Etc. Oh, and don't forget: It is not your goal to become a couple! It is your goal to find out if you are fitting together. If you don't fit, and realize this at this date it doesn't means you have failed, but that it simply wasn't meant to be between you two. Too many guys I have talked to seem to believe, that once they arranged a date, now this has to be it and kinda try to force it. And they also forget that it is not only about "selling" yourself, but also about figuring out if they actually want something themselves of the other person. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 11 2017 06:51 Volband wrote: Guys, we are in! I repeat, we are in and onti the next stage! This girl has the attention span of a goldfish... I was sweating bullets when she kept sending songs, while only answering half of my questions. "Oh, yeah, Wednesday!!" - bruh.... i mean, i guess it is kinda cute, but equally annoying. Anyway, she rescheduled her stuff, so I'll have 3 hours tops to give heher a lasting impression. We can do it, guys, even if we already lost LegalLord. I'll name my firstborn after hin if I succeed. Yeah, I am aware that I could be the coolest guy ever, and both of us having a good time, but that doesn't mean a damn if she is just not attracted. But I can't do much about that, so I have to focus on the things I can control. First of all, I am - as is tradition, my friends - more invested in this than her, and I fear it might hinder me, but I don't want to play any mind games. I think I'll have to wear my heart on my sleeve, otherwise I'd be just fake. Another worrying thing is the time. I don't believe I actually get 3 hours, so let's count with 2. Seems short, aye? Should I go hyper and try to make it the best 2 hours she ever had, or should I act cool? She is into poetry and stuff. Good, right? Well, she made 1 or 2 references which I am quite confident I did not get at all. What the hell am I supposed to do if it happens irl? Honestly, it makes me feel dumb. "What's that from?" and bamm, the disappointment paoined on her face. Also, how should I express if I don't find something as outstanding as she does? Like, a quote or lyrics. How do I tell her that imo it's just artsy, and not good at all, without getting murdered? Hopefully she will think you are as hilarious as I think you are :D! I don't really think you should worry about poetry stuff, ask about it if it comes up. I honestly don't understand how you can even be worried about things like that after the stories you have told here  | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Especially if you're a commitment type then the girl is there on an audition for potentially getting loads of your time etc. for the next 50-70 years. This mindset will also allow you to stfu, ask her questions, find out about her personality and listen intently which will actually impress her way more than anything else you can do. . . Like trying to peacock how cool you are . . .or pretending you know stuff about shit she's into. If you're really into her and she's passionate about something it's even better you know fuckall about it actually, there's 0 people in the world that wouldn't love explaining their passion to a person they feel drawn to. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Just text her on Monday "hey (sexy gorgeous, whatever thing that's your style") I'll see you Wednesday 6pm at XYX (common meeting area). And then it's up to her to show up or tell you she can't make it. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
Treating these dates wuth such importance probably stems from the deep yearning to have somebody. I agree that you should able to be happy on your own, but deep down the need for a partner is always there. It doesn't mean you cry in your pillow every night, but it's understandable that we get excited from even such slight chances as going out with a nice girl. I'm kind of ashamed to mention that the book I'm reading right now is the first book of the Darth Bane trilogy (Star Wars). Again, I don't want to come across as some simpleton. No, no need for butthurt sw fans, you know what I meant. The thing is, she will most likely be shy. Now, wouldn't that imply thatvI should goof around until she feels comfortable to open up? And that's what I meant by going hyper. I can get invested into the tiniest things and speak about them with passion, riding from one train of thought to another. Now, it can be endearing, or it can be annoying. These are the reaction I can get. Also, I talked about this before, but I have a somewhat controversial personality. So far it went well, but I'm still afraid. The first time we started talking she nagged me with something, and my reply was a deadpan "if you want a foot in your face as soon as we meet, then sure, do that". She was a good sport, and told me she can do a menacing look, so I wouldn't hurt her, which is funny all right, but Im kinda afraid one of these remarks of mine will miss the spot. And yes, that is pretty much all my backwind here, guys. Me being hilarious + I had a doggo on my dating app profile pic, which is not even mine. I told her it was just a chick-magnet, haha. Anyway... I dunno. We sit, we talk, and if it goes well (=i can make her laugh, join me on the goof) i can start praying she is actually attracted to me as well. | ||
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