|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Do you guys have a problem with your girlfriend going out with her friends to a night club all dressed up sexy explicitly stating that it is because she wants an -as she put it- attention shower?
I myself hate being in center of attention so I don't really care for "attention whores" generally. However, there is a fine line between just wanting some extra attention and being narcissistic though. I usually dress up when I go to the grocery store just because I like looking good.
To actively dress provacative in order to get attention from other males when you're in a relationship wouldn't be fine with me. Like if we were out and I dressed up really fucking good and put a sausage in my pants to make my dick look gargantuan just to get some looks from girls (equivalent of girls using push up bra?  ). That would be kinda fucked up.
|
Putting a sausage in your pants is not the same kind of "provocation" because women aren't generally attracted to that kind of assery. And I am willing to bet that you engage in (or would engage in if you could) behaviors that make you more attractive depending on how much attention you are more, or less, consciously seeking at a particular time. But it's hard to draw comparisons because women are generally able to attract attention from men at a distance by peforming relatively simple outward gestures that don't require a whole lot of direct interaction.
In other words you already engage in short-distance attention seeking behavior in a social context necessarily. Women's ways of attracting attention in short-distance interactions generally tend to also be long-distance attractors.
|
This reminds me of a joke. A comedian talked about how his girl gets dressed up and gets super hot to go out with her friends, then she gets home and puts on sweat pants and is DTF and the comedian is like NOOOOOOOOOO why did you change first!
|
On June 05 2017 05:57 IgnE wrote:
Putting a sausage in your pants is not the same kind of "provocation" because women aren't generally attracted to that kind of assery. And I am willing to bet that you engage in (or would engage in if you could) behaviors that make you more attractive depending on how much attention you are more, or less, consciously seeking at a particular time. But it's hard to draw comparisons because women are generally able to attract attention from men at a distance by peforming relatively simple outward gestures that don't require a whole lot of direct interaction.
In other words you already engage in short-distance attention seeking behavior in a social context necessarily. Women's ways of attracting attention in short-distance interactions generally tend to also be long-distance attractors.
The sausage thing was an extreme exaggeration. Not meant to be taken that serious.
Do you see no difference between wanting to look good and actively trying to get attention from the other sex to the point where you actually mention it to your SO?
I also unsure what you mean by short-distance/long-distance attention.
|
You'll have to tease out the difference for me between "wanting to look good" and "actively trying to get attention."
|
On June 05 2017 07:08 IgnE wrote:
You'll have to tease out the difference for me between "wanting to look good" and "actively trying to get attention."
More the motives behind the person wearing what they are "I'm wearing this because I like it and the way it makes me feel" vs "I'm wearing this so that everyone in the club knows I'm here and is gonna be unable to focus on anything except me".
Yes there is some crossover between the two, and it also means two different people can wear the same thing (although usually won't), but they way the behave, speak and act will tease the two apart very quickly.
PS: love the little passive aggressive bits you add in, very cute
|
As long as she e.g. wouldn't mind you showing up at some point, offers for you to go some don't see a big deal
|
On June 05 2017 16:37 MoonfireSpam wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2017 07:08 IgnE wrote:
You'll have to tease out the difference for me between "wanting to look good" and "actively trying to get attention." More the motives behind the person wearing what they are "I'm wearing this because I like it and the way it makes me feel" vs "I'm wearing this so that everyone in the club knows I'm here and is gonna be unable to focus on anything except me". Yes there is some crossover between the two, and it also means two different people can wear the same thing (although usually won't), but they way the behave, speak and act will tease the two apart very quickly. PS: love the little passive aggressive bits you add in, very cute
why does it make "you" feel that way? when "looking good" is socially determined isn't the "feeling" or "liking" of "looking good" always a social intended act? a more or less explicit display even if only for a virtual Other (as in the case of the lonely widow who still puts on lipstick despite never leaving her house and never having visitors)?
|
On June 06 2017 06:36 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2017 16:37 MoonfireSpam wrote:On June 05 2017 07:08 IgnE wrote:
You'll have to tease out the difference for me between "wanting to look good" and "actively trying to get attention." More the motives behind the person wearing what they are "I'm wearing this because I like it and the way it makes me feel" vs "I'm wearing this so that everyone in the club knows I'm here and is gonna be unable to focus on anything except me". Yes there is some crossover between the two, and it also means two different people can wear the same thing (although usually won't), but they way the behave, speak and act will tease the two apart very quickly. PS: love the little passive aggressive bits you add in, very cute why does it make "you" feel that way? when "looking good" is socially determined isn't the "feeling" or "liking" of "looking good" always a social intended act? a more or less explicit display even if only for a virtual Other (as in the case of the lonely widow who still puts on lipstick despite never leaving her house and never having visitors)?
I suppose it's in the intent?
I want to look good vs I want people to think I look good.
|
I think a lonely widow putting on makeup is a stereotype lol.
Looking good is a part of nature though. Even ugly people look good when they groom themselves. My cat licks himself over 9000 times a day and I don't think he gives a shit about people wanting him to look good.
When people are obviously looking bad that is a sign that they might be fucked up or need help.
|
Alternatively she could "let herself go" because she's dating me but that would only enforce the idea that she only dresses up to get some dick. I honestly don't believe any woman dresses up to be ignored. At least she's honest about it.
And to answer lemon: yes she invites me as well but usually on a saturday evening for example she hangs out with her girls until some point in the night then joins up me and my mates or vice versa.
|
I guess this question is mostly relatable to guys, but girls are free to chip in as well: Is there some easy way to tell the difference between when a girl is flirting and when she's just being nice? People are not super good at making it obvious when they do.
I've been having trouble lately where I just can not decide if I should flirt back, or not try to be a creepy idiot. A friend of mine told me to "Just flirt with everyone then!" which is absolutely awful advice. Must be pretty annoying for a girl if she can't be nice to people at any time without them immediately starting to flirt with her in return.
|
There's a large range of responses between ignoring her and responding "is your dad a baker, because I sure like your buns". I suggest learning when what is appropriate...
Flirting is not an on/off switch. It is basic human conduct. And you're never going to learn it from a book or a forum.
|
From the perspective of bloke sitting with a table full of girls (girlfriend couldn't make it out and didn't feel like hanging out with lads on the pull), if you're interested in her and your impression is at least smidge of interest in you, why not just ask her out? Yeah she may say "no" but it saves lots of "mind games".
But to directly answer the question, and from my own experience, I don't think it's very obvious until you know the person pretty well, but haven't asked out everyone I've gotten on reasonably well with.
|
It can be hard to tell sometimes but usually when you're in doubt it means she is just being nice and you are thinking too much of it. I kinda go with my gut on this usually and so far I have to say that 9 times out of 10 im right in my guesses. Although easy to misinterpret there are some signs you can look for like her laughing at even your really dumb jokes, not flinching away from your touch, etc. Problem is all those things can mean something else as well so in the end its up to you to interpret her behavior.
|
Eh I flirt with 60y old shop assistants what's the big deal
|
i am baffled to these responses about women who dress nicely wanting attention
do you people not try and look put together on occasion
|
It originated in a very specific situation to be fair.
|
On June 06 2017 16:49 Excludos wrote:
I guess this question is mostly relatable to guys, but girls are free to chip in as well: Is there some easy way to tell the difference between when a girl is flirting and when she's just being nice? People are not super good at making it obvious when they do.
I've been having trouble lately where I just can not decide if I should flirt back, or not try to be a creepy idiot. A friend of mine told me to "Just flirt with everyone then!" which is absolutely awful advice. Must be pretty annoying for a girl if she can't be nice to people at any time without them immediately starting to flirt with her in return.
Here is a great video which explains it.
|
On June 07 2017 02:20 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2017 16:49 Excludos wrote:
I guess this question is mostly relatable to guys, but girls are free to chip in as well: Is there some easy way to tell the difference between when a girl is flirting and when she's just being nice? People are not super good at making it obvious when they do.
I've been having trouble lately where I just can not decide if I should flirt back, or not try to be a creepy idiot. A friend of mine told me to "Just flirt with everyone then!" which is absolutely awful advice. Must be pretty annoying for a girl if she can't be nice to people at any time without them immediately starting to flirt with her in return. Here is a great video which explains it.
Sadly that's not really far from the truth. Unless the female in question is being particularly obvious, which women never do, you can't really know for sure. Especially not in the moment when your IQ drops by 20% while being enamored with a female specimen of interest. Though in my experience women who do like you have a tendency to try to at least give you an opening to show that you're interested. The ones who aren't are generally very indifferent to your show of interest.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
