EPTHahaha, brilliant. That's what I feel like most of the time. "Maybe she just dropped her shirt and bra because she's really warm, I can't really tell".
Guys (especially me) is super dimwitted. Make it obvious damnit
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 935
| Forum Index > General Forum |
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
|
Excludos
Norway8270 Posts
Hahaha, brilliant. That's what I feel like most of the time. "Maybe she just dropped her shirt and bra because she's really warm, I can't really tell". Guys (especially me) is super dimwitted. Make it obvious damnit | ||
|
ragnasaur
United States804 Posts
On June 06 2017 16:49 Excludos wrote: Is there some easy way to tell the difference between when a girl is flirting and when she's just being nice? People are not super good at making it obvious when they do. I've been having trouble lately where I just can not decide if I should flirt back, or not try to be a creepy idiot. I think flirting as like casual joking and chitchat, or being charming. So maybe, in your case, you may not want to think of yourself as "a creepy idiot", but rather a charming person? + Show Spoiler + definition time! Flirt: behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions. | ||
|
blackhorse
4 Posts
On June 07 2017 04:27 ragnasaur wrote: I think flirting as like casual joking and chitchat, or being charming. So maybe, in your case, you may not want to think of yourself as "a creepy idiot", but rather a charming person? + Show Spoiler + definition time! Flirt: behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions. I think the more you feel like you are a "creepy idiot", the more you actually behave like on. If you want to find out if she's interested or not, why not inviting her for something fun, like going to the movies, or whatever your common interest might be. If she says yes, I think that's a good sign. If you both enjoyed that "date", you can invite her for another one, like hitting a bar, whatever. If you don't know how to tell her that you have feelings for her and aren't a great narrator, what I did, after a couple of dates, to cross the rubicon was that I wrote her a cheesy love poem (poems like you find here, just not nsfw ones) on a funky card that I decorated with all kind of stuff like pics of cats and flowers. It was meant to be cheesy and funny, and she loved it. Anyways, I know it's much easier to say "just be yourself" than to actually just be yourself, but that's key. If you are nervous, that's OK, almost everyone is. Forget the cool guys/girls in movies. | ||
|
Excludos
Norway8270 Posts
On June 09 2017 01:39 blackhorse wrote: I think the more you feel like you are a "creepy idiot", the more you actually behave like on. If you want to find out if she's interested or not, why not inviting her for something fun, like going to the movies, or whatever your common interest might be. If she says yes, I think that's a good sign. If you both enjoyed that "date", you can invite her for another one, like hitting a bar, whatever. If you don't know how to tell her that you have feelings for her and aren't a great narrator, what I did, after a couple of dates, to cross the rubicon was that I wrote her a cheesy love poem (poems like you find here, just not nsfw ones) on a funky card that I decorated with all kind of stuff like pics of cats and flowers. It was meant to be cheesy and funny, and she loved it. Anyways, I know it's much easier to say "just be yourself" than to actually just be yourself, but that's key. If you are nervous, that's OK, almost everyone is. Forget the cool guys/girls in movies. No, absolutely not. I'm sorry, I know you're trying to help, but that is a very bad idea. Imagine you're a pretty girl, and every guy you talk to is immediately asking you out on a date. That would get old real quick. Eventually you're going to become cold just to make sure that they don't get the wrong idea. A girl (or guy, let's be fair) must be allowed to be nice to the opposite sex without him (or her) immediately pushing for dates. Now don't get me wrong, of course there are exceptions if you can clearly tell the girl is into you. But meeting a girl on the street who just happens to be nice to you should not be rewarded questions about dates. That is exactly what I mean by "creepy" (Not necessarily that you're acting like the stereotype hollywood creepy dude). I like the idea that most people came with of just flirting with everyone casually a lot more. Flirting is more innocent, and it doesn't mean you mean something with it. Edit: I should also point out that this is for random strangers. If you know the girl then go on ahead and ask for all the dates. | ||
|
bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On June 09 2017 05:49 Excludos wrote: No, absolutely not. I'm sorry, I know you're trying to help, but that is a very bad idea. Imagine you're a pretty girl, and every guy you talk to is immediately asking you out on a date. That would get old real quick. Eventually you're going to become cold just to make sure that they don't get the wrong idea. A girl (or guy, let's be fair) must be allowed to be nice to the opposite sex without him (or her) immediately pushing for dates. Now don't get me wrong, of course there are exceptions if you can clearly tell the girl is into you. But meeting a girl on the street who just happens to be nice to you should not be rewarded questions about dates. That is exactly what I mean by "creepy" (Not necessarily that you're acting like the stereotype hollywood creepy dude). I like the idea that most people came with of just flirting with everyone casually a lot more. Flirting is more innocent, and it doesn't mean you mean something with it. Edit: I should also point out that this is for random strangers. If you know the girl then go on ahead and ask for all the dates. Not sure I follow you correctly, do you think its a bad idea to ask out a stranger on a date? I don't see anything wrong with asking out a girl you see in the mall or whatever. Opening with "Want to go on a date with me?" is obviously a bad idea as that would come out of the woodwork. However, chatting for a minute or two with a girl you find attractive and if you notice there is a spark between you then asking her on a date isn't strange at all. | ||
|
B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Nothing wrong with as king someone on a date man. | ||
|
LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
| ||
dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
If I am interested then I'll continue to talk to him and probably put my book away so he knows I'm interested. Read body language before you commit yourselves to asking more personal questions. | ||
|
B.I.G.
3251 Posts
| ||
|
dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
| ||
|
aeroblaster
United States422 Posts
On June 06 2017 16:49 Excludos wrote: I guess this question is mostly relatable to guys, but girls are free to chip in as well: Is there some easy way to tell the difference between when a girl is flirting and when she's just being nice? People are not super good at making it obvious when they do. I've been having trouble lately where I just can not decide if I should flirt back, or not try to be a creepy idiot. A friend of mine told me to "Just flirt with everyone then!" which is absolutely awful advice. Must be pretty annoying for a girl if she can't be nice to people at any time without them immediately starting to flirt with her in return. Girl here. I see so many weird responses and assumptions here... First of all, not all girls flirt. Often times if I'm into a guy I will talk to him more and hang out with him if he asks. After that, 9/10 guys I dated were ones that just outright said "Hey I like you" and if I liked them back we went on dates. Most guys who are sad they can't get girlfriends are always the ones too afraid to say "Let's hang out" or "Hey I like you" and will just stare from far away forever. Basically if you're flirting you're acting out of the norm, which is what makes it obvious. Guys are pretty obvious, but for girls it's basically this: If you can't tell a girl is flirting, she is probably not flirting with you. If she is being nice and enjoying your company, you still have a chance even if there is no flirting going on. It's not annoying, we can just tell when guys are in "actor mode" being flirts and firing off lines but honestly I prefer the normal approach. Flirting just gets in the way of me finding out who you really are, what you're really like. On June 09 2017 15:10 LegalLord wrote: Treat her like a normal goddamn person. Most people are receptive to that. This guy gets it. | ||
|
Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On June 24 2017 08:58 aeroblaster wrote: Girl here. I see so many weird responses and assumptions here... First of all, not all girls flirt. Often times if I'm into a guy I will talk to him more and hang out with him if he asks. After that, 9/10 guys I dated were ones that just outright said "Hey I like you" and if I liked them back we went on dates. Most guys who are sad they can't get girlfriends are always the ones too afraid to say "Let's hang out" or "Hey I like you" and will just stare from far away forever. Basically if you're flirting you're acting out of the norm, which is what makes it obvious. Guys are pretty obvious, but for girls it's basically this: If you can't tell a girl is flirting, she is probably not flirting with you. If she is being nice and enjoying your company, you still have a chance even if there is no flirting going on. It's not annoying, we can just tell when guys are in "actor mode" being flirts and firing off lines but honestly I prefer the normal approach. Flirting just gets in the way of me finding out who you really are, what you're really like. This guy gets it. I agree with most of this, but I'm going to say this: don't think of flirting as anything. Even if you think you know someone is flirting with you, just assume they might enjoy your company for now. This isn't specific to guys or girls. But yeah, if you enjoy someone's company and they seem like they enjoy your company (whether or not you think they're flirting), asking to hang out or just flat out saying "I like you" will end all ambiguity. | ||
|
Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
Guys, if the scheduled date hinges on whether she can clear her wednesday or not, and she told me she is working on it, what's the proper etiquette from my part? Should I keep radio silence until she messages me, or should I ask her bout it tonight or sometime tomorrow? | ||
|
bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 10 2017 16:58 Volband wrote: I'm back! Guys, if the scheduled date hinges on whether she can clear her wednesday or not, and she told me she is working on it, what's the proper etiquette from my part? Should I keep radio silence until she messages me, or should I ask her bout it tonight or sometime tomorrow? I don't see any problem asking "Hey, we are still up for tomorrow right?" or something. | ||
|
B.I.G.
3251 Posts
| ||
|
bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 10 2017 17:11 B.I.G. wrote: No need to say anything. If she is truly interested she'll follow up by herself. That's fine as long as you don't expect her to follow up. Otherwise you could just be wasting your time. | ||
|
Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
Sigh, all this while I'd also like to chit-chat with her online, but I am keeping myself at bay, insted of risking being too much. | ||
|
B.I.G.
3251 Posts
As a wise man once said "don't stess over a ho you barely kno". Except she is ofcourse not a ho but a lady you should respect. | ||
|
waffelz
Germany711 Posts
I would definitely stick with a short question about it the day/evening before. Games like "if she is interested..." or shit like "you wouldn't want to date anyone who won't tell you in advance if they are not coming" should, if ever, only played after you have a reasonable understanding of the person and his/her priorities so you can actually draw such conclusions from their actions. Just like always (reasonable) communication over games/assumptions. @BIG: Their last conversation about it seems to have ended in uncertainty, there is nothing wrong with checking how is has developed. Asking the day/evening before is sensible, asking mutliple times wouldn't be, but thats not in the question. There are different people for this kind of situation where you make plans but there is uncertainty if the plan is still in place: a) they will tell you if something has changed -> if you hear nothing, you can assume that the plan is still in place. b) they will tell you if the plan is still in place -> if you hear nothing, you can assume the plan is canceld. c) The sensible kind: They tell you either way. and propably d) who wont tell you either way, but thats more rare. EDIT2: @Volband: If pplan is no longer in place, don't see it as her putting you off, just ask for an alternative date if she doesn't come up with it herself. | ||
|
bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 10 2017 18:51 B.I.G. wrote: Trust me on this guys. Make small talk with her if she initiates but don't nag her about meeting up. There is literally 0 positive effect from that. As a wise man once said "don't stess over a ho you barely kno". Except she is ofcourse not a ho but a lady you should respect. That depends in my opinion. Scenario 1. Volband doesn't ask and she does have time to do something on the date. Volband looks cool and composed for not asking.  Scenario 2. Volband doesn't ask if she has made up her mind and since she has not responded he makes other plans for the date since Volband isn't a push around who will wait for something that might not happen. Tomorrow she responds that she is free and wants to go on the date. Volband responds with that he has other plans since she responded so late. Volband is now a fucking douche? Scenario 3. Volband says "Hey, I will be making other plans for the Xth unless you know if you're available!". If she is a healthy human being she will respond with something like "Yeah go ahead, we can go on the date another day!" or "I'm free, lets go on the date!". If he was waiting on a response for anything other than if she is available on a certain date I would also not say anything, but I don't think he should be a push around and wait for her answer just in case she might be free. You honestly should know if you're available 2 days before a date. | ||
| ||
