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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
On July 19 2015 12:00 Luoson wrote: Dam you guys are lucky. Sadly the stories here are just a dream that will die with me If you don't have luck with women, two things you should do: Put more effort into yourself. Grooming, hygiene, fitness Interact with more women, pick a better way to meet women you like (women you meet at the club =/= women you meet at church) | ||
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xxsaznpride
United States506 Posts
Gigavirgin reporting. Step 1: figure out what the fuck is wrong with yourself This one's serious and actually requires lots of introspection or points of reference (or both!), so either grab some weed or prep those girly dramas, 'cause it's gonna be a ride, man. I started high school with literally zero friends for an entire year and ended it with going to the underage-poker-player millionaire's beachside hotel party. Is it your attitude? Your humor? Your delivery therein? Grooming, hygiene, or fitness as stated by Chocolate? Realizing you have problems at all is the way to becoming a better person and a better potential romantic candidate in the eyes of your female peers. Disclaimer: There are more ways to do this than with girly shows and kush. Step 2: fix yo shit Effort is all you need to fix [grooming, hygiene, fitness], but for everything else, you'll need to just go in whatever direction sounds better to you than where you are now. I was that socially awkward mess everyone picked on in high school. Then I bought some cheap clothes at Pac Sun (this was in 2007, mind you), joined the tennis team, and started pretending I was confident - it eventually became the bubbly and enjoyable demeanor I possess today (:D!). Also, expanding your knowledge base will not only make you look intelligent (and thus more attractive), but it'll make conversation more enjoyable (if you manage to not look down on everyone because you're oh so knowledgeable). Step 3: gettin' bitches Are you the loud, confident guy who just emanates an aura of leadership? Are you the cool guy that girls fawn for in every chick flick ever? Are you the chill guy with a wicked sense of humor? The answer is: it doesn't matter 'cause you're still in your basement, aren't you? You can be the hottest dude in the galaxy, but if you're not putting yourself out there, you're never gonna be able to connect... with anyone, let alone girls. I don't know if you're college age or what, but that's where I joined a lot of clubs and TA'd a lot of classes, and I ended up meeting tons of different people. I had some girls who were into me and some girls I was into - a few of whom I got naked with, but none of whom I had sex with (because -reasons-). Join whatever club or sports team piques your interest and just let nature take its course. If you're socially awkward, this'll serve as good experience because everyone you're with will have some sort of common ground to discuss. This will open the road to you making friends (of both the male and female varieties), and potentially even springboard you toward something beyond a platonic friendship. From there? Pff, I dunno. Let the magic happen, I guess. The most important thing though is to not let "finding a girlfriend" become your sole motivation for doing things, and definitely don't ONLY talk to girls - it makes you look thirsty and therefore undesirable. That's how I see it, at least. I'm sure other people can chime in and provide better advice though. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
I would get a least 3 days for that. | ||
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johanes
Czech Republic2246 Posts
On July 19 2015 17:49 SixStrings wrote: How is it that in America's super-sensititve, thought policing society it's totally okay to call women 'bitches'? I would get a least 3 days for that. USA is historically tolerant to depicting violence and to "harsh" words. But show a nipple there and cities are burning. Just cultural difference. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
So for instance, if you say it's wrong to call woman bitches, black people might get offended, because it's part of rap culture that women are just there to be fucked. NSFW Look at this video and tell me that a white person could get away with these 'lyrics'. | ||
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pb.fcnz
Canada101 Posts
So I dated this girl for almost 5 years. I met her in our home town, through working in stores that were next to each other. She was quite a bit younger (She was 17 and I was 22 when we met) and this was originally an issue, but through getting to know her and hanging around each other, she fell for me and I kind of turned around on the age gap thing. We dated, it was intense, crazy, she was ... how to say, completely pure, not corrupted by society, a blank canvas of sorts, quick to learn but sheltered from life experiences by her family. She was about to choose what to study in college, but what she truly wanted to study wasn't offered in our home town, she didn't want to be far away from me and her family was telling her to do something else and stay in the area. I pushed her, told her to follow her dreams, even told her I'd move to support her there. So I quit my job (6 months before being promoted to management), left all my friends and family behind and moved to support her. Found a shit job in this new city, struggled for almost 3 years, depression, feeling useless because I didn't make as much money and couldnt offer her a comfortable lifestyle (new city had a cost of living of almost double of our home town, yet I took a 30% pay cut with the new job), our relationship goes sour a few times, but we make it through. I get an offer I can't refuse 6 hours away. The kind of job that pays 6 digits within 2-3 years. She has 8 months left of school. I don't want to move that far, but I want to show her I can provide for her and a family, I want to show her I can sacrifice to make sure we have the lifestyle we want to have. I want to show her I can be a father to her children. So I move again, quit my job, leave new friends I made in new city and move. First year is hell, distance sucks, I know no one here, job isn't that lucrative yet, struggling to make ends meet while affording trips down to see her... After a year, things finally boom with work, I'm making more money I've ever made... but she's getting more and more distant, the more I open up to up, the less she does. She starts treating me like a stranger, stops telling me she loves me. At one point, after begging her to open up and tell me whats going on, telling her she knows I'm here for her, no matter what, but she won't bulge. Few more weeks of this, drives me nuts and I give her an ultimatum, either tell me whats wrong, talk to me, or we're done. I'd never think she'd choose the latter. But she did. Within a month she had a new guy and she had me completely blocked out of her life. That was a year ago... She not with him now, but she has someone else .... and she's getting married to him. I don't even know what I did. To this day I don't know why. I've given up on my best years to push someone's dream, did everything I was taught a man does to earn a woman's loyalty... yet I'm sitting here staring at 30, with all these people I went to school with are getting married and having kids, even the fucking losers... and I'm wondering where I went wrong. I don't even know how to approach chicks anymore... I had made plans, a whole life... it's all gone and I can't seem to move on, a year later. I've been out of the game for so long, almost 6 years now... I don't know how it all goes anymore. All these girls I meet, they're nothing next to her. I find myself drunk texting her to this day... I live all these amazing experiences with the money I make now and all I can think of is how much better it would be if I had the other piece of me I am missing to live these moments with... I've only met one girl that I truly felt like I could fall for since this ex (and holy shit is she amazing), but she's in a relationship (of course!), feels like at my age, the good ones are all wifey'd up, now I'm left with the single moms and reformed party sluts, yay /rant | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Asked her if she wanted to see me tomorrow or Tuesday and told her I was a virgin and she responded with that she was fine with i and that that today or Wednesday would be better. I told her that Wednesday would be good and then she dropped the "just so you know I'm not interested in anything serious since I will have a lot to do next year. How do you feel?". She is going to have a lot of things to do next year. It's not that I doubt that but now I don't know if it was solely influenced by her knowing I have never been in a relationship before. She will for example be apart of the student life so she will go to a ton of parties (I'm guessing she will want to fuck other people there so in this way it's better if we are not in a relationship). And she will be away for like 6 weeks doing some intern thing as well. Doesn't really matter though as I was going into this looking for anything and I don't feel like we have clicked that well. It's not like we can't talk but it's not really something that I'm looking forward to a whole lot. I myself have had second thoughts about having her as a gf because of this. Ehh, gonna say we should meet today instead. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
What you should do now is focussing on being happy alone, as soon as you got that down, girls will be flocking you. I can only recommend moving to, or moving closer to, a city that has a big university. Not sure about Canada, but German uni cities have a considerably higher Female-to-Male quota, so that works in your favour. In my town, there's literally 70% women. Another positive effect is that students are less inclined to already have babies, because they're younger and more educated girls tend to have babies later in their life. If you have any income, girls who have a litter of brown-ish babies from a load of different fathers will be on you like ants on sugar. I'm not saying that promiscuous women are somehow bad, but if she has four babies from six different fathers, I consider that a turn-off. User was banned for this post. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46516 Posts
On July 19 2015 17:49 SixStrings wrote: How is it that in America's super-sensititve, thought policing society it's totally okay to call women 'bitches'? I would get a least 3 days for that. Because we have freedom of speech? That's obviously not the same as being respectful towards groups of people, but generally the people who call women "bitches" to their faces are either not getting any from women anyway, or are on a reality television show. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46516 Posts
On July 19 2015 18:52 SixStrings wrote: Maybe female equality isn't as important as being culturally sensitive. So for instance, if you say it's wrong to call woman bitches, black people might get offended, because it's part of rap culture that women are just there to be fucked. NSFW Look at this video and tell me that a white person could get away with these 'lyrics'. Context is everything. Context, context, context, context. Historical, social, cultural, satirical, literary, etc. etc. etc. Most people find it wisest to err on the side of caution when saying things that may possibly cause friction or discomfort to other people (especially strangers). Obviously, the vast majority of Americans don't run around calling women their "bitches". | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
On July 19 2015 18:58 pb.fcnz wrote: [...]We dated, it was intense, crazy, she was ... how to say, completely pure, not corrupted by society, a blank canvas of sorts, quick to learn but sheltered from life experiences by her family. She was about to choose what to study in college, but what she truly wanted to study wasn't offered in our home town, she didn't want to be far away from me and her family was telling her to do something else and stay in the area. I pushed her, told her to follow her dreams, even told her I'd move to support her there. From my personal experience - although things went well for you there - women have a sense for guys who put them on a pedestal. And this is never a good thing, it means that you make yourself dependent on her and lower your own value. It took me quite some time to realize that (most) women hate it. No one wants a boyfriend with a self-esteem of a fly. Be confident! Live your own life! And share your happieness with other people! On July 19 2015 18:58 pb.fcnz wrote: [...]So I quit my job (6 months before being promoted to management), left all my friends and family behind and moved to support her. Found a shit job in this new city, struggled for almost 3 years, depression, feeling useless because I didn't make as much money and couldnt offer her a comfortable lifestyle (new city had a cost of living of almost double of our home town, yet I took a 30% pay cut with the new job), our relationship goes sour a few times, but we make it through. I get an offer I can't refuse 6 hours away. The kind of job that pays 6 digits within 2-3 years. She has 8 months left of school. I don't want to move that far, but I want to show her I can provide for her and a family, I want to show her I can sacrifice to make sure we have the lifestyle we want to have. I want to show her I can be a father to her children. So I move again, quit my job, leave new friends I made in new city and move. First year is hell, distance sucks, I know no one here, job isn't that lucrative yet, struggling to make ends meet while affording trips down to see her... [...] Yeah it was to be expected that things went downhill. You should never leave everything behind for a women... Even if you had feelings for her. This part basically confirms the things I wrote above. You do not need to offer her a comfortable lifestyle, of course you can do it but you should not see it as you "duty", with doing so you automatically reduce your own value. You need to be happy & confident on your own! On July 19 2015 18:58 pb.fcnz wrote: After a year, things finally boom with work, I'm making more money I've ever made... but she's getting more and more distant, the more I open up to up, the less she does. She starts treating me like a stranger, stops telling me she loves me. At one point, after begging her to open up and tell me whats going on, telling her she knows I'm here for her, no matter what, but she won't bulge. Few more weeks of this, drives me nuts and I give her an ultimatum, either tell me whats wrong, talk to me, or we're done. I'd never think she'd choose the latter. But she did. Within a month she had a new guy and she had me completely blocked out of her life. That was a year ago... She not with him now, but she has someone else .... and she's getting married to him. Pretty much expected after the things that happened before... On July 19 2015 18:58 pb.fcnz wrote: I don't even know what I did. To this day I don't know why. I've given up on my best years to push someone's dream, did everything I was taught a man does to earn a woman's loyalty... yet I'm sitting here staring at 30, with all these people I went to school with are getting married and having kids, even the fucking losers... and I'm wondering where I went wrong. [...]t You already answered the question yourself. Never ever put someones needs above yours! Of course you can do it from time to time for a good friend or a family member or someone else you like but you should always keep yourself in the back of your head. You are #1 then the others... this sounds selfish but it's true. Tl;dr: Never put your own value below someone elses. That's the whole problem. Edit: Just to be clear, you have been in a relationship with her? Because after reading this for a second time - although you mentioned a relationship - it seems more like a pretty one-sided relationship. On July 19 2015 19:13 SixStrings wrote: If you have any income, girls who have a litter of brown-ish babies from a load of different fathers will be on you like ants on sugar. I'm not saying that promiscuous women are somehow bad, but if she has four babies from six different fathers, I consider that a turn-off. Ha! Seriously, I'm laughing my ass off right now. XD | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
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Titusmaster6
United States5937 Posts
On July 19 2015 16:20 LemOn wrote: Now when it happens I just lie there like nothing's happened, no big deal, tell her to come close to me, talk about stuff again - forget about having sex just focus on chatting while she's naked, just playing with her body and usually it comes back without warning after an hour or two- it's mostly about getting out of your head Yep, this is called sensate focus, and is one of the things a psychiatrist might recommend you do with a partner  | ||
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On July 19 2015 19:13 SixStrings wrote: If you have any income, girls who have a litter of brown-ish babies from a load of different fathers will be on you like ants on sugar. I'm not saying that promiscuous women are somehow bad, but if she has four babies from six different fathers, I consider that a turn-off. I like how casually you worked in the racism into that statement. | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States24389 Posts
On July 19 2015 21:58 Snotling wrote: I like how casually you worked in the racism into that statement. I was going to say "everyone's got to be good at something" but then I read "four babies from six fathers" lol. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46516 Posts
On July 19 2015 19:13 SixStrings wrote: If you have any income, girls who have a litter of brown-ish babies from a load of different fathers will be on you like ants on sugar. I'm not saying that promiscuous women are somehow bad, but if she has four babies from six different fathers, I consider that a turn-off. This is just remarkable. | ||
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On July 19 2015 21:58 Snotling wrote: I like how casually you worked in the racism into that statement. You made me giggle m8! | ||
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On July 19 2015 18:58 pb.fcnz wrote: I don't know if this should be considered a rant but maybe TL can give me ideas and help me figure this shit out.... Warning, this will be a considerable wall of text. I'm not entirely sure about your/her situations but I think a large portion of where this went wrong was dropping everything in your life to pursue a girl that's 17. I've nothing against younger girls (the 5 year age gap is fine) but it sounds like you dropped everything to chase a girl who had very little dating and life experience. People develop/change rapidly around that age so it's not surprising that she realised that she wants something that you weren't able to provide. Or maybe she just wanted to date other people because she had no idea how other relationships went... either way I think expecting to date a 17y/o girl through to marriage is a situation where you're statistically going to lose. If you were both thirty and you did the same thing I'd say it might end differently. On July 19 2015 18:58 pb.fcnz wrote: I give her an ultimatum, either tell me whats wrong, talk to me, or we're done. I'd never think she'd choose the latter. Sounds like she wanted to break up with you for a while but you gave her the opportunity by providing her with the ultimatum. I wouldn't be surprised if she met the guy before you two broke up. On July 19 2015 18:58 pb.fcnz wrote: I don't even know what I did. To this day I don't know why. I've given up on my best years to push someone's dream, did everything I was taught a man does to earn a woman's loyalty... yet I'm sitting here staring at 30, with all these people I went to school with are getting married and having kids, even the fucking losers... and I'm wondering where I went wrong. ... feels like at my age, the good ones are all wifey'd up, now I'm left with the single moms and reformed party sluts, Also, the last bit of your rant is judgey. You're calling people 'losers' for whatever reason but maybe they just had different priorities to you. Similarly, complaining that you're left with single moms and reformed party sluts is probably not helping your cause in meeting women for relationships? As harsh as this sounds it feels like the girls who are not 'single moms and reformed party sluts' might be better off with one of the 'losers' rather than a judgemental guy who feels entitled to a girl's love because he dropped his job and traveled for her. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On July 19 2015 21:58 Snotling wrote: I like how casually you worked in the racism into that statement. And I don't even understand how you could possibly misconstrue that as racism. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46516 Posts
On July 19 2015 23:18 SixStrings wrote: And I don't even understand how you could possibly misconstrue that as racism. Not misconstrue. It's explicitly racist lol. Emphasis on the brown babies and how minority mothers apparently sleep around and wish they could just dump their problems on a rich guy. Classy. | ||
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