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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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On July 19 2015 19:05 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Hmm, slightly unexpected outcome but not super unexpected.
Asked her if she wanted to see me tomorrow or Tuesday and told her I was a virgin and she responded with that she was fine with i and that that today or Wednesday would be better. I told her that Wednesday would be good and then she dropped the "just so you know I'm not interested in anything serious since I will have a lot to do next year. How do you feel?".
She is going to have a lot of things to do next year. It's not that I doubt that but now I don't know if it was solely influenced by her knowing I have never been in a relationship before. She will for example be apart of the student life so she will go to a ton of parties (I'm guessing she will want to fuck other people there so in this way it's better if we are not in a relationship). And she will be away for like 6 weeks doing some intern thing as well.
Doesn't really matter though as I was going into this looking for anything and I don't feel like we have clicked that well. It's not like we can't talk but it's not really something that I'm looking forward to a whole lot. I myself have had second thoughts about having her as a gf because of this.
Ehh, gonna say we should meet today instead.
Wow dude what happened?? Did you blow a sure thing?
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On July 20 2015 05:18 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2015 19:05 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Hmm, slightly unexpected outcome but not super unexpected.
Asked her if she wanted to see me tomorrow or Tuesday and told her I was a virgin and she responded with that she was fine with i and that that today or Wednesday would be better. I told her that Wednesday would be good and then she dropped the "just so you know I'm not interested in anything serious since I will have a lot to do next year. How do you feel?".
She is going to have a lot of things to do next year. It's not that I doubt that but now I don't know if it was solely influenced by her knowing I have never been in a relationship before. She will for example be apart of the student life so she will go to a ton of parties (I'm guessing she will want to fuck other people there so in this way it's better if we are not in a relationship). And she will be away for like 6 weeks doing some intern thing as well.
Doesn't really matter though as I was going into this looking for anything and I don't feel like we have clicked that well. It's not like we can't talk but it's not really something that I'm looking forward to a whole lot. I myself have had second thoughts about having her as a gf because of this.
Ehh, gonna say we should meet today instead. Wow dude what happened?? Did you blow a sure thing?
He's was alright she was just putting it out there not to be too clingy since she was going to take his virginity.
Pushing up the next meeting probably didn't help much but sounds like he should be fine so long as he doesn't start obsessing after he has sex (though that's probably what's going to happen)
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or prep those girly dramas. There are more ways to do this than with girly shows and kush.
Just a small question. What does that mean? Girly dramas, shows and kush? What do I have to imagine to understand those words?
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Woah. Was expecting him to be temp banned for a week. Was that a permaban? o.o
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On July 19 2015 21:17 JoeCool wrote:
Edit: Just to be clear, you have been in a relationship with her? Because after reading this for a second time - although you mentioned a relationship - it seems more like a pretty one-sided relationship.
Yes of course, she's the one that pursued me initially.
Also the age thing was an issue but she convinced me otherwise over time before we started dating, also you have to factor in that this is over a span of like, 5 years! She's turning 23 in 2 months now
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There is nobody I can talk to, without having to fear that they will tell me to get over it or such so why shouldn't I share it here.
A few months ago I met a girl at the birthday party of a friend. We had a lot of fun there and all so we changed phone numbers and texted a lot. Eventually we met and had a good time (at least I had). We saw each other a lot in that time but never kissed or anything. When we were on the balcony to smoke or so, she was sitting on my lap and one night I slept at her place and made out a bit but didn't have sex. The next few days she responded less and less and eventually didn't respond at all. I asked her if there was the possibility to meet her again and talk and all because I didn't want to lose her as a friend. She didn't reply at all and never texted me or called me or anything.
I missed her a lot and wanted to know if everythings okay so I asked that friend if he knew why she didn't answer. He told me that she got back together with her ex (as far as I know he physically abused her but I don't know much about the details). At first I was like "alright, f**k that b***h then" but later I started to miss her again. And this is where the story ends.
My question is now: should I text her again and just casually ask her how she is?
You're all probably gonna tell me to get over her, so I probably just wasted 15 minutes finding the right words for this post, but whatever I guess...
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I am myself curious how will they answer you that question. But saying get over it does not help, since its really vague answer.
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On July 20 2015 07:20 phipsL wrote:
A few months ago I met a girl at the birthday party of a friend. We had a lot of fun there and all so we changed phone numbers and texted a lot. Eventually we met and had a good time (at least I had). We saw each other a lot in that time but never kissed or anything. When we were on the balcony to smoke or so, she was sitting on my lap and one night I slept at her place and made out a bit but didn't have sex.
Sounds like you missed a couple of opportunities there...
On July 20 2015 07:20 phipsL wrote:
The next few days she responded less and less and eventually didn't respond at all. I asked her if there was the possibility to meet her again and talk and all because I didn't want to lose her as a friend. She didn't reply at all and never texted me or called me or anything.
To be expected after what happened before, I guess she was just looking for a guy a to have casual sex and you were looking for a relationship.
On July 20 2015 07:20 phipsL wrote:
I missed her a lot and wanted to know if everythings okay so I asked that friend if he knew why she didn't answer. He told me that she got back together with her ex (as far as I know he physically abused her but I don't know much about the details). At first I was like "alright, f**k that b***h then" but later I started to miss her again. And this is where the story ends.
Yeah... women and their ex bfs, especially the violent ones. I'll never understand it either. But calling someone you - allegdly - care about a "bitch" just because he's/she's back together with her ex isn't exactly what I would expect from a "friend".
On July 20 2015 07:20 phipsL wrote:
My question is now: should I text her again and just casually ask her how she is?
No, you should not text her again. I mean, what do you expect from her? Like I mentioned above it looks like she was looking for some fun, maybe even distraction from her ex but never a serious friend- or relationship. She gave you a couple of opportunities, you missed them. Either on purpose or by accident. And that's about it...
So yeah... you should forget about her.
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On July 20 2015 07:20 phipsL wrote:
There is nobody I can talk to, without having to fear that they will tell me to get over it or such so why shouldn't I share it here.
A few months ago I met a girl at the birthday party of a friend. We had a lot of fun there and all so we changed phone numbers and texted a lot. Eventually we met and had a good time (at least I had). We saw each other a lot in that time but never kissed or anything. When we were on the balcony to smoke or so, she was sitting on my lap and one night I slept at her place and made out a bit but didn't have sex. The next few days she responded less and less and eventually didn't respond at all. I asked her if there was the possibility to meet her again and talk and all because I didn't want to lose her as a friend. She didn't reply at all and never texted me or called me or anything.
I missed her a lot and wanted to know if everythings okay so I asked that friend if he knew why she didn't answer. He told me that she got back together with her ex (as far as I know he physically abused her but I don't know much about the details). At first I was like "alright, f**k that b***h then" but later I started to miss her again. And this is where the story ends.
My question is now: should I text her again and just casually ask her how she is?
You're all probably gonna tell me to get over her, so I probably just wasted 15 minutes finding the right words for this post, but whatever I guess...
It sounds like you already understand that dropping it is the logical response especially because the girl is effectively ignoring you for whatever reason. So there's a good chance that whatever you do from here is fruitless.
If it helps you get closure you can go text her but I wouldn't bother myself.
It's a no-win situation in my mind. If she's shown herself to be so fickle I'm not sure I want a relationship (or friendship) with the girl. And if her decision making is bad enough that she's chosen an abusive ex-boyfriend over you (assuming you're a normal person) then I'm really not sure I want her in my life. Sounds like even if she comes back into your life she's going to come with a ton of baggage.
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I think 2 messages in a row trying to get connection is good. There is a small possibility that he/she read the first message but were busy. If you get ignored twice they are not interested.
Also she was just looking for a hookup between relationships. That free agent period people use to have some fun before they feel ready for another commitment.
So yeah like the previous posters say, get over it. There will be more chances.
p.s. Calling girls bitches after getting reacted screams "nice guy"..
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Thanks for the advices guys. That's why I posted here, because you guys explain why I shouldn't text her again and not just tell me to not text her.
And yes you're right, I shouldn't have called her a bitch (I may have exaggerated a bit on this) and this was actually what my friends told me to do. The first reaction I got from my best friend was to (of course not literally) "fuck that slut".
I also may have not seen these opportunities JoeCool and Yoz talked about. I do that a lot.
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On July 20 2015 08:04 phipsL wrote:
Thanks for the advices guys. That's why I posted here, because you guys explain why I shouldn't text her again and not just tell me to not text her.
Most people I know can't find enough time to do everything they want each day. With that in mind it makes absolutely no sense to waste time and effort trying to connect with someone willing to randomly ignore you without reason.
I think that should be enough justification as to why it's not worth messaging people (not just girls) like her =]
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A girl from OK cupid seemed very interested and I thought she had a lot of potential. I ask if she's free on Saturday/Sunday she says definitely Sunday but in the afternoon because she's having a big party on Saturday and will want to sleep in (this was Thursday). I text her around 11am to make sure we're on; she doesn't text back until 12:30; we're supposed to meet at 1. "Oh I'm so sorry I just woke up...do you mind if I reschedule." "Sure, I can do dinner or sometime this week." She never answered.
I've learned to not be disappointed by girls on dating sites but that was really weird. Like did she set up a long con from the beginning planning to no-show or is she just a flake?
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On July 20 2015 13:59 Bigtony wrote:
A girl from OK cupid seemed very interested and I thought she had a lot of potential. I ask if she's free on Saturday/Sunday she says definitely Sunday but in the afternoon because she's having a big party on Saturday and will want to sleep in (this was Thursday). I text her around 11am to make sure we're on; she doesn't text back until 12:30; we're supposed to meet at 1. "Oh I'm so sorry I just woke up...do you mind if I reschedule." "Sure, I can do dinner or sometime this week." She never answered.
I've learned to not be disappointed by girls on dating sites but that was really weird. Like did she set up a long con from the beginning planning to no-show or is she just a flake?
I can't really say what her intentions were since I don't know her or the situation that well. I would give her a day or two and text her again seeing what she's up to. For future reference, if that situation had happened to me I would have taken it a bit differently, but with the same conclusion. Instead of asking for dinner and saying you're free whenever she's available, let her know your time is just as valuable as hers. I would have replied with a simple, "When did you have in mind?" By saying this you force a reply and it also shows that you're not and won't always be available whenever she decides to see you. She should want to see you and be trying just as hard to make it work as you are. Play a little hard to get 
Like you said, dating sites are difficult. Good luck, brother! I hope that helps a bit.
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On July 20 2015 06:16 Monolith5 wrote:Show nested quote +or prep those girly dramas. There are more ways to do this than with girly shows and kush. Just a small question. What does that mean? Girly dramas, shows and kush? What do I have to imagine to understand those words?
Traditionally, any television series (referable to as "shows" [sing. "show"]) that featured overt displays of emotion is considered effeminate because men are supposed to be tough and suppress any such "weakness". It might have been my writing, but I only use that terminology because it's what everyone around here (Orange County, California) is used to hearing and saying. I actually quite disagree with that... what, stereotype?
"Kush" is a slang term for marijuana. Some people take dives in intelligence when they smoke it, while others become more capable of focus, and yet others become more emotionally aware or something along those lines.
I really couldn't tell if you were asking seriously or not, so here's a semi-serious answer.
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I've come to the conclusion that everyone on Tinder is a bot.
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In my area bots are always 23 or 25, X number of miles away, and usually out of my league
So if I match with someone like that I wait about 3 hours to see if the message me the whole "very intimate and skilled in bed" shit. If you message them before they do that they'll send "match "
Also they leave your matches within a couple hours of sending you spam
On a related note I despise Tinder's algorithm to prevent you from depleting all of the people in your area. I guess they do what they need to do to get you to come back though
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On July 19 2015 19:05 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Hmm, slightly unexpected outcome but not super unexpected.
Asked her if she wanted to see me tomorrow or Tuesday and told her I was a virgin and she responded with that she was fine with i and that that today or Wednesday would be better. I told her that Wednesday would be good and then she dropped the "just so you know I'm not interested in anything serious since I will have a lot to do next year. How do you feel?".
She is going to have a lot of things to do next year. It's not that I doubt that but now I don't know if it was solely influenced by her knowing I have never been in a relationship before. She will for example be apart of the student life so she will go to a ton of parties (I'm guessing she will want to fuck other people there so in this way it's better if we are not in a relationship). And she will be away for like 6 weeks doing some intern thing as well.
Doesn't really matter though as I was going into this looking for anything and I don't feel like we have clicked that well. It's not like we can't talk but it's not really something that I'm looking forward to a whole lot. I myself have had second thoughts about having her as a gf because of this.
Ehh, gonna say we should meet today instead.
bro it's hard.
i ve said it befor, I was in a simular situation. The girl I wanted to be with, enjoyed seeing me, but she didn't want to commit. She had sex with like 10 guys in the 2 month we were dating. Then after 2 month, we decided to try it together, and we had 1,5 years of an awesome relationship. But I also always knew that she wanted me, and when we met she always showed that she values me, that's for me the most important part.
I know most guys wouldn't do it, but for me it turned out great. She appreciated so much that I liked her how she was, so i could open and be myself too, that's rare.
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On July 20 2015 03:01 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
I hope so. We've lost Shauni, NeuroticPsychosis, and now SixStrings. Who will be our guiding light now?
You know you've been lurking TL too much if you recognize/remember all those names... damn
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Traditionally, any television series (referable to as "shows" [sing. "show"]) that featured overt displays of emotion is considered effeminate because men are supposed to be tough and suppress any such "weakness". It might have been my writing, but I only use that terminology because it's what everyone around here (Orange County, California) is used to hearing and saying. I actually quite disagree with that... what, stereotype?
"Kush" is a slang term for marijuana. Some people take dives in intelligence when they smoke it, while others become more capable of focus, and yet others become more emotionally aware or something along those lines.
I really couldn't tell if you were asking seriously or not, so here's a semi-serious answer.
I was asking serious. I just don't understand how can girly dramas help with introspection. Like I can understand the weed and how can it help with introspection but those girly dramas, not really. Thanks for the answer but I am still kinda confused.
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EPT
