|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 20 2015 04:57 WarSame wrote:
Maybe. But bloodwhore, even from the filtered information you presented us you seem socially unskilled, and I'm surprised you aren't driving the women you're messaging away within the first day.
So what
As long as he keeps an open mind and learns from his mistakes.
And keeps up the relentless effort.
He will get more girls than 99% of guys sooner or later.
He'll do it faster if he listens to advice tho. You can pretty much copy/paste what I wrote in terms of the meet up/closing question and he'll get a ton more dates already. But Trial and error will eventually always work out
|
On June 19 2015 23:19 lastpuritan wrote:
been so long but i'll update just in case you remember, i bought her lilies, a bouquet well shaped, not so huge, not so tiny. she cried as expected, saying this is the first time a guy brings her flowers. i was overthinking when to gift because normally i pick her up with car and it wouldnt be nice to take flowers from backseat while driving so i decided to lie and told my ride is on service, i cant pick her this time, we decided to have desserts and i went early, tried to figure out what should be my entrance words, i dont know why but when she got here i picked the wrong one and hugged her, it was something like "they are no match for your beauty, but your hands shall only carry these" :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D I THINK I AM BACK TO MY FOURTEENS.........
need to find a good diamond ring shop, any franchise?
I went to Jared.
+ Show Spoiler +For an engagement ring. + Show Spoiler +I don't think you're ready yet for that kind of commitment.
|
On June 20 2015 01:21 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2015 01:17 bloodwhore~ wrote:On June 19 2015 23:06 IgnE wrote:
Probably your other messages also. I don't think I'm that bad otherwise. I'm pretty good at talking shit over text, given that the other person is somewhat interesting. She sent a shitton of wink smilies etc. She might have been a bit off put by my level of banter. I enjoy teasing people and discussing things so when she mentioned Crossfit I just started talking about how it is literally shit  . I of course didn't just flame and I backed my shit up with proof. On the other hand if she can't handle a discussion then she is it not for me anyways. Ok, sounds fine, but this: Show nested quote +On June 19 2015 18:51 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Asked her if she was still up for saturday or if she lost her interest. No answer for 10 hours to that question or to the other one so into the trash the match went.
Might have to initiate contact with girls myself now. sends big red flags.
Yeah that's the huge signal of a lack of a confidence. Why not just say "Hey! Still up for Saturday?" Why must you add the second part.
|
On June 20 2015 08:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2015 01:21 Acrofales wrote:On June 20 2015 01:17 bloodwhore~ wrote:On June 19 2015 23:06 IgnE wrote:
Probably your other messages also. I don't think I'm that bad otherwise. I'm pretty good at talking shit over text, given that the other person is somewhat interesting. She sent a shitton of wink smilies etc. She might have been a bit off put by my level of banter. I enjoy teasing people and discussing things so when she mentioned Crossfit I just started talking about how it is literally shit . I of course didn't just flame and I backed my shit up with proof. On the other hand if she can't handle a discussion then she is it not for me anyways. Ok, sounds fine, but this: On June 19 2015 18:51 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Asked her if she was still up for saturday or if she lost her interest. No answer for 10 hours to that question or to the other one so into the trash the match went.
Might have to initiate contact with girls myself now. sends big red flags. Yeah that's the huge signal of a lack of a confidence. Why not just say "Hey! Still up for Saturday?" Why must you add the second part.
Sounds like the logical thing to say for a guy that professes his virginity and inexperience to girls. Essence is bloodwhore, don't lie but make yourself look as good as possible.
|
This will be a somewhat long one, don't think I'm hating on you guys I'm just saying what comes into my mind.
On June 20 2015 02:56 IgnE wrote:I can say that it's clear to me that the only cunt in that exchange was you.
It was playful banter, I was not insulting her, however you can't see my messages so believe what you want.
Christ you're fucking terrible at this...
I'm "fucking terrible at this"? If it is the "or if she lost her interest" part you are basing this of I can't understand why all of you are getting butthurt. She had not answered for a really long time and a day passed without any of us talking. Furthermore if she isn't interesting in having a conversation neither am I, you make it sound like its the end of the world.
It's ONE girl that has stopped talking to me, it has literally never happened before! (other than the one that sent like 3 messages then poofed) I definitely know I'm not the best at talking, which is why I am on Tinder in the first place, which is also why I went to a party where I didn't know a single soul 10 hours ago. Sure some of the things I've said to her might not have been optimal for my end goal but many of you are talking like this one message would have changed everything.
Maybe. But bloodwhore, even from the filtered information you presented us you seem socially unskilled, and I'm surprised you aren't driving the women you're messaging away within the first day.
Of course I sound socially unskilled from the things I've said, all I have ever posted in this thread are either complete failures or "success stories". Many of the things are exaggerations for your amusement, I can see 95% of the mistakes I make.
This thread is mean.
I don't mind criticism, that's why I'm here, but getting stuck on the "or if she lost her interest" is just ridiculous. She had already made up her mind and another text was not going to change that unless I perhaps offered her a billion dollars.
My intention of that message was never to have her say "yes" either, it was so she could say no I'm not interested instead of leaving me hanging, which she did anyways. If she would have said "yes" => cool, a no => thanks.
|
On June 20 2015 19:16 bloodwhore~ wrote:
My intention of that message was never to have her say "yes" either, it was so she could say no I'm not interested instead of leaving me hanging, which she did anyways.
never give them the negative option, assume you will get what you ask for after you asked specifically (why you should tell her, okay let's meet X time at X place when she said yes to Saturday) , with take it or leave it attitude.
And never demand closure, be okay with being "left hanging" - shows you're not needy and she will keep her freedom when she's with you.. And it's surreal how many times it happens that girls get in touch after even weeks after you write them totally off.
|
On June 20 2015 19:40 LemOn wrote:
never give them the negative option
be okay with being "left hanging"
Ok I'll keep that in mind.
|
On June 20 2015 19:40 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2015 19:16 bloodwhore~ wrote:
My intention of that message was never to have her say "yes" either, it was so she could say no I'm not interested instead of leaving me hanging, which she did anyways.
[....] And it's surreal how many times it happens that girls get in touch after even weeks after you write them totally off.
So true!
@Topic:
I think I should give up on dating. There are people in my social circle who constantly go from relationship to relationship. They are in a relationship for two years, break up and three months later they got another bf/gf. Repeat. The only person who did not manage to get a girlfriend in 25 years is me. It's not like I haven't been dating girls but I feel cursed. No matter what I do sooner or later the girl leaves. Has been like this since my first date at the age of 14/15.
I've had a couple of affairs - some of them lastet almost 6 months - in my life and most of the girls are stil very close friends of mine but none of them wanted to be with me. Whenever it gets serious most of them are like:
"Nah it would not work out" or "I don't want a bf right now" or like the girl 3 months ago "I met another guy and we are already a couple" (which was true btw).
I know it's my fault that the girls are leaving but I seriously do not have any idea what to do anymore. I'm neither needy nor jealous. I do not bother them with countless messages and yet let them know that I am interested. I propose date & time and I make the first move. Plus I'm really into magic and most people are pretty amazed when I show them some tricks. I thought that I might suck at making out but some of the girls told me - during/after making out - that I was pretty good.
Couple of weeks ago I was told that I should meet girls without the expectation of beeing in a relationship with them after 3/4/5/... dates but that's quite hard for me.
Dating is just too complicated for me I guess...
|
bloodwhore...
I just wanted to maybe be a bit old fashioned here. Okay sex is pretty amazing, and it's natural to want it. That said, if you are virgin, go lose your virginity to someone a little more meaningful than a fuck buddy man.
Also, it would help to take your mind off sex a little. Right now you are sounding more than a little desperate, and if I can feel that across the internet from over here, the girls you're going out with are too.
|
I don't know. I've never really been the one who cares if my first time is "meaningful". I'd definitely take it over non-meaningful but it's not really something I will strive for.
|
Well, again, you'll have to excuse me for being old fashioned, but I am telling you that you should care a little that your first time is meaningful. I remember being so bothered about sex when I was a teenager, and I figured I'd screw anything with a pulse. Looking back though I'm glad that circumstances just made me wait a little so I could do it with someone that I cared about. It's different. I can't really explain it fully to you.
I guess it's like going for really good home made ice cream, or crappy icy stuff you buy at the store. If you've never eaten ice cream before, why not wait for the really good stuff.
|
On June 21 2015 00:01 levelping wrote:
I guess it's like going for really good home made ice cream, or crappy icy stuff you buy at the store. If you've never eaten ice cream before, why not wait for the really good stuff.
You can't really appreciate the good stuff without having the shitty stuff though.
|
yeah i will say this as well. having sex with someone you like feels a lot better than having sex with some random bitch in a one night stand. unless youre some stone cold emotionless robot, or you get really unlucky and the girl you like just has a terrible vagina/lies there like a starfish, the emotional connection makes it a lot better
bloodwhore if i were you i would look for a girl you could actually develop a meaningful relationship with, rather than spending all that time looking for a hookup. tbh the amount of time youll spend on finding a successful hookup could be enough time for you to get to know a couple of decent girls
|
On June 21 2015 00:46 Impervious wrote:Show nested quote +On June 21 2015 00:01 levelping wrote:
I guess it's like going for really good home made ice cream, or crappy icy stuff you buy at the store. If you've never eaten ice cream before, why not wait for the really good stuff. You can't really appreciate the good stuff without having the shitty stuff though.
Look at your left hand (or right hand). Cold and impersonal sex is barely any better than masturbating. I'm pretty sure everyone here has shaked it off, so there you go, the shitty stuff.
|
On June 20 2015 21:02 JoeCool wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2015 19:40 LemOn wrote:On June 20 2015 19:16 bloodwhore~ wrote:
My intention of that message was never to have her say "yes" either, it was so she could say no I'm not interested instead of leaving me hanging, which she did anyways.
[....] And it's surreal how many times it happens that girls get in touch after even weeks after you write them totally off. Couple of weeks ago I was told that I should meet girls without the expectation of beeing in a relationship with them after 3/4/5/... dates but that's quite hard for me.
And therein lies the issue! Focus on having fun, setting up great dates one at a time, see more girls at the same time too in the first weeks.
And leave 100% of relationship/where's this heading/are we boyfriend girlfriend talk or mentioning the future besides cool stuff you want to do on a date to the girl - even if it takes months.
Never focus on "getting a relationship", don't see it as an end goal, you aren't really missing out if you don't get mediocre year long relationships followed by a breakup - just keep it fun, focus on one day at a time and if you meet the girl you're gonna spend your life with none of the stuff matters anyways - you won't even have to try and you'll be together for the first year just through pure attraction. By focusing on having a relationship I'm like 99% sure you were in one fast with the wrong girls in the first place.
EDIT: You are good at making out? Should happen on the 1st date, or at the very least a kiss on the lips. If it doesn't and you truly want a relationship - move on and never see the girl again.
Also, magic tricks are good at getting dates. Useless thereafter besides gaining social value with groups of women when she's there.
|
On June 21 2015 00:51 evilfatsh1t wrote:
yeah i will say this as well. having sex with someone you like feels a lot better than having sex with some random bitch in a one night stand. unless youre some stone cold emotionless robot, or you get really unlucky and the girl you like just has a terrible vagina/lies there like a starfish, the emotional connection makes it a lot better
bloodwhore if i were you i would look for a girl you could actually develop a meaningful relationship with, rather than spending all that time looking for a hookup. tbh the amount of time youll spend on finding a successful hookup could be enough time for you to get to know a couple of decent girls
It's like really REALLY hard to get a meaningful relationship with a girl when all you can think about is how to get laid for the first time when you're with her. The best dates I had with new girls I was crazy about where I was completely present with the girl and could focus on her completely as a person before we slept together were the ones after a night with another girl/fuck buddy really.
|
By the way, as I mentioned I was at a party yesterday. I didn't know anyone before I got there since the party was formed for those who were alone on midsummer over a app similar to 'Yik Yak'. Anyway, there were two girls there. The first one had a boyfriend according to her friend so I started talking to the second girl more. The second girl added me and a bunch of others on facebook so we could do it again some other time.
To get on topic, I'm considering asking her out, however I'm not really sure I should go about it or if I even should. I think the probability that she would accept is fairly low, but I don't really know what I have to lose anyway - nothing?
|
On June 21 2015 05:11 bloodwhore~ wrote:
By the way, as I mentioned I was at a party yesterday. I didn't know anyone before I got there since the party was formed for those who were alone on midsummer over a app similar to 'Yik Yak'. Anyway, there were two girls there. The first one had a boyfriend according to her friend so I started talking to the second girl more. The second girl added me and a bunch of others on facebook so we could do it again some other time.
To get on topic, I'm considering asking her out, however I'm not really sure I should go about it or if I even should. I think the probability that she would accept is fairly low, but I don't really know what I have to lose anyway - nothing?
Sounds like confidence is your biggest issue, from this post as well as others. You have absolutely nothing to lose by going for this girl, as you said yourself you didn't know anybody walking into the party. Say you ask her out, and even say she rejects you and you get embarrassed. So what? Worst case, you're exactly where you were before the party, take it as an experience.
Back to the confidence thing, one of the biggest turnoffs is appearing needy, which based on the failures you've relayed thus far seems to be a problem for you. What really works is to drop hints to the girl that you're into her, but at the same time act like you don't need her, don't give her too much attention, put yourself on equal footing to her. Would you want to date someone that seemed to be on a lower level than you? That's what you do to yourself when you start getting desperate, you put yourself out of reach by making yourself look unworthy, for lack of a better word. Just step it up and realize that you have something to offer, and your attitidue, and results, will change quite a bit.
|
On June 21 2015 05:11 bloodwhore~ wrote:
By the way, as I mentioned I was at a party yesterday. I didn't know anyone before I got there since the party was formed for those who were alone on midsummer over a app similar to 'Yik Yak'. Anyway, there were two girls there. The first one had a boyfriend according to her friend so I started talking to the second girl more. The second girl added me and a bunch of others on facebook so we could do it again some other time.
To get on topic, I'm considering asking her out, however I'm not really sure I should go about it or if I even should. I think the probability that she would accept is fairly low, but I don't really know what I have to lose anyway - nothing?
If she's one of the organizer chicks that makes events/parties happen it might be worth it to friend zone yourself to get access to other girls. Should've asked out right there if you wanted her
|
On June 21 2015 05:29 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On June 21 2015 05:11 bloodwhore~ wrote:
By the way, as I mentioned I was at a party yesterday. I didn't know anyone before I got there since the party was formed for those who were alone on midsummer over a app similar to 'Yik Yak'. Anyway, there were two girls there. The first one had a boyfriend according to her friend so I started talking to the second girl more. The second girl added me and a bunch of others on facebook so we could do it again some other time.
To get on topic, I'm considering asking her out, however I'm not really sure I should go about it or if I even should. I think the probability that she would accept is fairly low, but I don't really know what I have to lose anyway - nothing? If she's one of the organizer chicks that makes events/parties happen it might be worth it to friend zone yourself to get access to other girls.
This is what I was thinking more or less. She sounds like she would happily hook you up with a friend if she thought you were a decent guy.
Sounds like you might enjoy being her friend to so it's not a totally cynical jerk move imo.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
