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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
United States43376 Posts
On March 25 2014 18:56 Felczer wrote:
Hey guys.
The story so far: Once upon a time about three years ago when I was retarded high-schooler I tried some retarded highschool ways of dating on one girl and obviously it didn't work. I kind of forgot about her and moved on.
Now, some time ago I broke up with my girlfriend. I think I'm now more experienced (still not very experienced, but not a complete noob) and I'm not in high school anymore so I've been thinking is trying to ask the first girl out a viable idea or should I just completley forget about her and move on completley? I've chatted with her a few times over the last couple of months when I was bored, and she didn't seem very engaged in conversation, but maybe that's just me. I propably left a bad impression the first time, it was three years ago, but I still fear the first impression will be too much to overcome. The other bad news is I don't have her phone number and I can't ask her in person without some stalking so the only way is propably facebook, which as you know isn't very good way.
What do you guys think?
Keep looking forward. There's no reason to dwell on one bad impression. Write it off as a learning experience and work on making better impressions as you go along.
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And it might not be nice for her to know that the only reason you're asking her out is because you were annoyed you left a bad impression at first and you want to fix that, it's a bit narcissistic.
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On March 24 2014 19:58 Grumbels wrote:
Just because there are red flags doesn't mean that you should be abandoning ship. I think that especially when you're younger it's not inexcusable to have insecurities and odd behavior relating to inexperience with dating. Maybe if you're 25 you wouldn't want to date an insecure 18 year old, but if you're 18 yourself then you're probably not in a position to feel like you're above such behavior. There are red flags you should take very seriously, especially if they're related to abuse and consent, but some of the reasons for shooting women down in this thread are kind of ridiculous. "don't get involved with women that play games", this from people that obsess about pua "game".
life is short so time is your most valuable asset. the mentality going into any relationship should be to minimize risk of getting your heart stomped upon, because why waste valuable time getting hurt? girls playing games is a huge red flag that she doesn't care about your feelings at all. so better to end things early on instead of getting attached, only to get even more hurt further on down the line
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Out of curiousity: When do you guys introduce a girl to your friends and more importantly parents?
I have noticed some cultural variance from China (you only introduce your parents to the guy you are going to marry) to Denmark (seems most to happen in most relationships after a couple of months).
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I think the Chinese have the right idea in that regard.
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Netherlands6191 Posts
My parents meet most of the people I hang out with, whether for dating purposes or if they're just my friends. I prefer it if my mom at least knows the people i am interested in so that she isn't completely taken aback.
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On March 26 2014 04:32 TheFish7 wrote:
I think the Chinese have the right idea in that regard.
I personally see that as a bit extreme based on what I've been told by my Chinese friends. It is actually literally a problem if you then end up not marrying that person bringing shame to the family/suggest you (if female) are somewhat of a loose woman (I know there is a better expression for this, but it doesn't spring to mind).
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Norway10161 Posts
Friends I just introduce them whenever she is around and something social is happening. Pretty much the same with parents, but after the whole "So we are in a relationship?" talk.
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On March 26 2014 03:20 fishjie wrote:Show nested quote +On March 24 2014 19:58 Grumbels wrote:
Just because there are red flags doesn't mean that you should be abandoning ship. I think that especially when you're younger it's not inexcusable to have insecurities and odd behavior relating to inexperience with dating. Maybe if you're 25 you wouldn't want to date an insecure 18 year old, but if you're 18 yourself then you're probably not in a position to feel like you're above such behavior. There are red flags you should take very seriously, especially if they're related to abuse and consent, but some of the reasons for shooting women down in this thread are kind of ridiculous. "don't get involved with women that play games", this from people that obsess about pua "game". life is short so time is your most valuable asset. the mentality going into any relationship should be to minimize risk of getting your heart stomped upon, because why waste valuable time getting hurt? girls playing games is a huge red flag that she doesn't care about your feelings at all. so better to end things early on instead of getting attached, only to get even more hurt further on down the line
For me I would always pick the neurotic, insecure, "gameplaying" girl that I find very attractive over someone that seems more stable but that I feel less attraction for. (not to say I don't have red flags, but they're mostly just personality aspects that make me feel like they're not the right person for me)
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On March 26 2014 08:51 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On March 26 2014 03:20 fishjie wrote:On March 24 2014 19:58 Grumbels wrote:
Just because there are red flags doesn't mean that you should be abandoning ship. I think that especially when you're younger it's not inexcusable to have insecurities and odd behavior relating to inexperience with dating. Maybe if you're 25 you wouldn't want to date an insecure 18 year old, but if you're 18 yourself then you're probably not in a position to feel like you're above such behavior. There are red flags you should take very seriously, especially if they're related to abuse and consent, but some of the reasons for shooting women down in this thread are kind of ridiculous. "don't get involved with women that play games", this from people that obsess about pua "game". life is short so time is your most valuable asset. the mentality going into any relationship should be to minimize risk of getting your heart stomped upon, because why waste valuable time getting hurt? girls playing games is a huge red flag that she doesn't care about your feelings at all. so better to end things early on instead of getting attached, only to get even more hurt further on down the line For me I would always pick the neurotic, insecure, "gameplaying" girl that I find very attractive over someone that seems more stable but that I feel less attraction for. (not to say I don't have red flags, but they're mostly just personality aspects that make me feel like they're not the right person for me)
Well it turns out she was just busy (according to her) so I don't even know if she was playing games.
Anyway I think you are right, there really is no reason for me, especially at my age, to try to avoid game playing girls, especially when they are just trying to figure out relationships too.
And yeah, I do find her very attractive
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On March 26 2014 03:55 Ghostcom wrote:
Out of curiousity: When do you guys introduce a girl to your friends and more importantly parents?
I have noticed some cultural variance from China (you only introduce your parents to the guy you are going to marry) to Denmark (seems most to happen in most relationships after a couple of months).
If you are asking these questions, then it probably isn't the right time due to the preexisted doubt you have.
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On March 26 2014 10:01 Chocolate wrote:Show nested quote +On March 26 2014 08:51 Grumbels wrote:On March 26 2014 03:20 fishjie wrote:On March 24 2014 19:58 Grumbels wrote:
Just because there are red flags doesn't mean that you should be abandoning ship. I think that especially when you're younger it's not inexcusable to have insecurities and odd behavior relating to inexperience with dating. Maybe if you're 25 you wouldn't want to date an insecure 18 year old, but if you're 18 yourself then you're probably not in a position to feel like you're above such behavior. There are red flags you should take very seriously, especially if they're related to abuse and consent, but some of the reasons for shooting women down in this thread are kind of ridiculous. "don't get involved with women that play games", this from people that obsess about pua "game". life is short so time is your most valuable asset. the mentality going into any relationship should be to minimize risk of getting your heart stomped upon, because why waste valuable time getting hurt? girls playing games is a huge red flag that she doesn't care about your feelings at all. so better to end things early on instead of getting attached, only to get even more hurt further on down the line For me I would always pick the neurotic, insecure, "gameplaying" girl that I find very attractive over someone that seems more stable but that I feel less attraction for. (not to say I don't have red flags, but they're mostly just personality aspects that make me feel like they're not the right person for me) Well it turns out she was just busy (according to her) so I don't even know if she was playing games. Anyway I think you are right, there really is no reason for me, especially at my age, to try to avoid game playing girls, especially when they are just trying to figure out relationships too. And yeah, I do find her very attractive
There is no "too busy" for a person who is really attracted to someone else. If she doesn't make time for you then you aren't very important to her.
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On March 26 2014 15:21 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On March 26 2014 10:01 Chocolate wrote:On March 26 2014 08:51 Grumbels wrote:On March 26 2014 03:20 fishjie wrote:On March 24 2014 19:58 Grumbels wrote:
Just because there are red flags doesn't mean that you should be abandoning ship. I think that especially when you're younger it's not inexcusable to have insecurities and odd behavior relating to inexperience with dating. Maybe if you're 25 you wouldn't want to date an insecure 18 year old, but if you're 18 yourself then you're probably not in a position to feel like you're above such behavior. There are red flags you should take very seriously, especially if they're related to abuse and consent, but some of the reasons for shooting women down in this thread are kind of ridiculous. "don't get involved with women that play games", this from people that obsess about pua "game". life is short so time is your most valuable asset. the mentality going into any relationship should be to minimize risk of getting your heart stomped upon, because why waste valuable time getting hurt? girls playing games is a huge red flag that she doesn't care about your feelings at all. so better to end things early on instead of getting attached, only to get even more hurt further on down the line For me I would always pick the neurotic, insecure, "gameplaying" girl that I find very attractive over someone that seems more stable but that I feel less attraction for. (not to say I don't have red flags, but they're mostly just personality aspects that make me feel like they're not the right person for me) Well it turns out she was just busy (according to her) so I don't even know if she was playing games. Anyway I think you are right, there really is no reason for me, especially at my age, to try to avoid game playing girls, especially when they are just trying to figure out relationships too. And yeah, I do find her very attractive There is no "too busy" for a person who is really attracted to someone else. If she doesn't make time for you then you aren't very important to her.
This a hundred times over. If 2 people enjoy each others company there's never not a time they can't get together. If there's problems getting together it means one of the parties isn't interested, aside from un-common/rare occurances they might be going through etc.
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You guys sound ridiculously clingy.
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He hasn't even kissed the girl yet. There's a difference between being clingy and seeing if she's interested. If she won't even go out with him then she's not interested.
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If any of you mods would be so kind to tell me who wrote the message on top of the thread I would like to discuss with him. I believe it's sad how teamliquid fell so much into conformity and group thinking after the big influx of people SC2 brought and this thread in particular, which helped lots of people understand women and the male-female interaction, could definitely be handled better.
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Cloud for thread moderator.
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On March 26 2014 10:59 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On March 26 2014 03:55 Ghostcom wrote:
Out of curiousity: When do you guys introduce a girl to your friends and more importantly parents?
I have noticed some cultural variance from China (you only introduce your parents to the guy you are going to marry) to Denmark (seems most to happen in most relationships after a couple of months). If you are asking these questions, then it probably isn't the right time due to the preexisted doubt you have.
She has met my parents and everything went great. The question was fueled by talking to my Chinese friends. But you would have been right if it was because I was unsure.
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Lalalaland34498 Posts
On March 26 2014 17:10 aTnClouD wrote:
If any of you mods would be so kind to tell me who wrote the message on top of the thread I would like to discuss with him. I believe it's sad how teamliquid fell so much into conformity and group thinking after the big influx of people SC2 brought and this thread in particular, which helped lots of people understand women and the male-female interaction, could definitely be handled better.
I was the one who drafted the mod note, but it was backed up by the rest of the mod team. Feel free to send me a PM.
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On March 26 2014 17:10 aTnClouD wrote:
If any of you mods would be so kind to tell me who wrote the message on top of the thread I would like to discuss with him. I believe it's sad how teamliquid fell so much into conformity and group thinking after the big influx of people SC2 brought and this thread in particular, which helped lots of people understand women and the male-female interaction, could definitely be handled better.
I don't see anything in the mod note that takes away from a thread that is "supposed" to be about dating and giving advice to others. I came in the thread looking to help younger people who might be shy/afraid of women but instead I saw disturbing topics and pointless arguments over how countries handle things differently, essentially an academic competition.
That being said, if anyone has a question, please feel free to PM me and ask! I won't say I am an expert, but I have been around the block and I definitely know how to approach a woman! Confidence is soo soo key!
The world we live in today is all about taking selfies and making yourself look AMAZING online, though facebook pictures or whatever. In reality though, it's all about how you speak and handle yourself when you meet the woman in real life. It doesn't matter how good looking you are, if you can't look a woman in the eye when speaking to her or be able to speak a clear sentence without saying "uh, um, you know" every third word, you will have a hard time.
Slow it down, take a deep breath, you got this!!
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EPT
