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Wow, you're 28? From your previous description, i'd have guessed 16-18 at tops.
Seriously though, you're living there at the grace of your mom (and her boyfriend, if they co-own the house). If you're not pulling your weight in the household in regards to work and expenses, then realise that you're incredibly fortunate that you're allowed to, basically, squat there.
Now, if you are pulling your weight in relation to work and money, realise that internal harmony is still required in a household for it to work. If your behaviour is negatively affecting shit around you, then do what you can to fix that. I'm not saying change personality, but leave your shit to yourself - we've all got our shit to deal with, and we don't need others' issues all the fucking time. Try to put on a brave face.
If you have a physical or psychological condition that is preventing you from things, then sure, more consideration is required from your family. But if you're a healthy, young person simply without any desire to do anything, then at least have the courtesy to "not do anything" by yourself, instead of at the cost of others.
Best advice I can give is find a friend or three who are looking to move. Grab a small flat together, set up some basic house rules in relation to cleaning, food and expenses, and get a job that can support your part of those expenses. Once you're no longer a liability on those around you, you're free to do what the hell you want.
Edit. Realise that all you do (or don't) will still affect everyone outside you. If you're negatively affecting your surroundings, then you need to fix that shit.
Also, I'd imagine your mother's boyfriend is being harsh on you because he finds your behaviour to be an issue, probably in agreement from your mother. Even if she doesn't dare tell you outright that she wants you to do something more than sit around all day, that frustration and dissapointment is still going to be told to her boyfriend - his behaviour is not neccessarily unjustified, even though he might be a control freak.
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You have to be a better man if you aim for anything to change. You can't change him, so try focusing on changing yourself.
In the end you need to hurry up and leave. You can't stay there for long. When you do leave you need to talk with your mother and give an honest, calm opinion of the guy.
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On August 04 2013 02:45 FFGenerations wrote:Show nested quote +On August 04 2013 02:27 Elegy wrote:
Being too miserable? You got fired for having a shitty attitude in a place where jobs are apparently very hard to come by? Time for some tough love man, but you need to man the fuck up if that is true. Get a job, get some money, go to college, and move out. Take charge. idk what you mean by shitty attitude, im not a fucking super human. i lasted 6 months there, then he asked me to voluntarily leave. i was asked to leave my job prior to that also (1 year there) for being too miserable. what am i supposed to do. i do my best, im not a fucking american disney princess ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/kimE54c.jpg) ^ not me at work
You've been fired twice from jobs from being miserable, which must mean that you did not have an attitude your boss found worthwhile keeping around. That's a problem. Doing the best you can is admirable, but it seems like you can ill afford to maintain your attitude at work, even if the jobs sucks. It's on you, man. You gotta tough it out, even if the last thing you want to do is wake up in the morning and go slave away for shitty pay. I've done it, I know.
I think you have the following options:
1. Stay at home (current situation) and try to make the best of it. Get a full time job, spend as little time as possible at home, and bank as much money as you can while attending university.
2. Leave home and live with grandmother. Seems far less stressful and will let you work a shitty full time job without as much home drama weighing down on you. Finish college, move on.
3. Get a full time job where you can still attend university and either get financial aid, roommates, and live very very frugally. Don't know if this is an option for you.
Personally, I would stay at home, find a full time job ASAP (ANY job, doesn't really matter what it is), and save every paycheck you can. You are 28 years old, living at home. Get out. Save, save, save. Take odd jobs. Work 2 jobs if you can. Get the best grades you can, save as much cash as you can, and when you are able, leave home and find your own place/move in with friends/find a roommate, etc.
Remember, from your mom's boyfriend's perspective you ARE useless. 28 years old, no job, freeloading off (presumably) his and your mother's money. Your one saving grace is that you attending college. The absolute best thing you can do is to prove him wrong!
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you are not a loser for going to college late, but you should suck it up because those people assist by letting you stay and eat and stuff.
You also seem to be insecure and a bit childish, its not only the boyfriend that has issues.
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On August 04 2013 03:48 Elegy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 04 2013 02:45 FFGenerations wrote:On August 04 2013 02:27 Elegy wrote:
Being too miserable? You got fired for having a shitty attitude in a place where jobs are apparently very hard to come by? Time for some tough love man, but you need to man the fuck up if that is true. Get a job, get some money, go to college, and move out. Take charge. idk what you mean by shitty attitude, im not a fucking super human. i lasted 6 months there, then he asked me to voluntarily leave. i was asked to leave my job prior to that also (1 year there) for being too miserable. what am i supposed to do. i do my best, im not a fucking american disney princess ^ not me at work You've been fired twice from jobs from being miserable, which must mean that you did not have an attitude your boss found worthwhile keeping around. That's a problem. Doing the best you can is admirable, but it seems like you can ill afford to maintain your attitude at work, even if the jobs sucks. It's on you, man. You gotta tough it out, even if the last thing you want to do is wake up in the morning and go slave away for shitty pay. I've done it, I know. I think you have the following options: 1. Stay at home (current situation) and try to make the best of it. Get a full time job, spend as little time as possible at home, and bank as much money as you can while attending university. 2. Leave home and live with grandmother. Seems far less stressful and will let you work a shitty full time job without as much home drama weighing down on you. Finish college, move on. 3. Get a full time job where you can still attend university and either get financial aid, roommates, and live very very frugally. Don't know if this is an option for you. Personally, I would stay at home, find a full time job ASAP (ANY job, doesn't really matter what it is), and save every paycheck you can. You are 28 years old, living at home. Get out. Save, save, save. Take odd jobs. Work 2 jobs if you can. Get the best grades you can, save as much cash as you can, and when you are able, leave home and find your own place/move in with friends/find a roommate, etc. Remember, from your mom's boyfriend's perspective you ARE useless. 28 years old, no job, freeloading off (presumably) his and your mother's money. Your one saving grace is that you attending college. The absolute best thing you can do is to prove him wrong!
Agreed with this. This guy sounds like a piece of work, but you don't exactly come across as someone who brings much value to the table
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After reading your post I thought the guy was a supreme asshole, but then I read more into the comments and realize you have trouble holding a job, your 28, have nothing going for you at all, and now are bitching because someone who wants to be with your mom is pissed that her 28 and 22yr old children are BOTH still at home, doing basically nothing.
He has a pretty good reason to be pissed off, especially if his paycheck is going towards your cost of living (mortgage etc). At 28 years old, you should be going out every single day for at least 4-5 hours, walking around or taking the bus and finding FULLTIME work. Most people are miserable at their jobs, they just dont show it. You are not the only person with disdain towards employment.
Lastly, im not attacking you, and I do agree that in general the guy sounds like some alpha male wannabe douchebag. That aside, there are some glaring holes in your own self that you most definitely should be fixing. Instead of writing this blog, and reading comments and replying, you should be outside looking for work. This sentence alone makes me cringe.
"well i will just have to try again to get a job i guess. unless my mom gives me the ok to go live with my grandmother, thats the only thing i can do to "improve relations"
That alone basically says you dont really wanna work, and if you can go live with your grandmother, you would do that instead. When you move there, are you planning on living off her expenses as well?
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What have I just read...? Oh my goodness.
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Beat him up , yes I am serious about it.
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On August 04 2013 05:05 NarutO wrote:
Beat him up , yes I am serious about it.
I'm sure that would help.
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how about just ignoring him. flat out silent treatment.
sounds like hes the kind of person that thrives on attention and you fell right into his lap.
anyways at your age you should def concentrate on employment and moving out.
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If you can go somewhere else for a few days, you should. I've had issues living with my mom too, and when you assert yourself and pack up some things and go somewhere else it's a win on all fronts. You get some peace of mind from getting out of that stressful environment, you can spend some time reconnecting with other family members, and it sends a message to the people back home that you are seriously unhappy with conditions home and you won't put up with it needlessly. I can't really relate to living with someone that gets physically aggressive, but I imagine that showing him that you have the power to leave his shit behind and shrug off his influence would be a humbling experience for him. Or not, but at least you'd get away from him for a few days.
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On August 04 2013 05:16 a176 wrote:
how about just ignoring him. flat out silent treatment.
sounds like hes the kind of person that thrives on attention and you fell right into his lap.
anyways at your age you should def concentrate on employment and moving out.
I live with somebody with a similar temperament. Silent treatment seems like what FF is currently attempting but the person just gets more and more belligerent until you crack.
FF if you truly feel that this person is a toxic cunt, then i suggest you burn this bridge as soon as you are financially capable. This might result in hurting your mother and you've got to weigh that up, but really you gotta look out for yourself.
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The whole "running to my room, calling him a psychopath" deal sounds very odd in the light of you being 28. You're not a little kid, handle your problems like an adult.
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On August 04 2013 06:23 Tobberoth wrote:
The whole "running to my room, calling him a psychopath" deal sounds very odd in the light of you being 28. You're not a little kid, handle your problems like an adult.
This would be more appropriate for the age of 16.
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On August 04 2013 04:26 eXigent. wrote:
After reading your post I thought the guy was a supreme asshole, but then I read more into the comments and realize you have trouble holding a job, your 28, have nothing going for you at all, and now are bitching because someone who wants to be with your mom is pissed that her 28 and 22yr old children are BOTH still at home, doing basically nothing.
He has a pretty good reason to be pissed off, especially if his paycheck is going towards your cost of living (mortgage etc). At 28 years old, you should be going out every single day for at least 4-5 hours, walking around or taking the bus and finding FULLTIME work. Most people are miserable at their jobs, they just dont show it. You are not the only person with disdain towards employment.
Lastly, im not attacking you, and I do agree that in general the guy sounds like some alpha male wannabe douchebag. That aside, there are some glaring holes in your own self that you most definitely should be fixing. Instead of writing this blog, and reading comments and replying, you should be outside looking for work. This sentence alone makes me cringe.
"well i will just have to try again to get a job i guess. unless my mom gives me the ok to go live with my grandmother, thats the only thing i can do to "improve relations"
That alone basically says you dont really wanna work, and if you can go live with your grandmother, you would do that instead. When you move there, are you planning on living off her expenses as well?
I was going to post something like this. OP, you have to grow the fuck up. I would think this would be immature for like a teenager, but for a young adult (28) this is seriously unacceptable.
Get a job. I don't know where you live, but I'm sure you just aren't looking for the right kind of job. You could possibly work from home if you have programming experience and have a good idea. Alternatively, you could basically work for free to build experience in an expertise so that you can get a job in a few months after learning about the industry and getting connections. For example, if you're studying engineering, ask an engineering firm if you can shadow for like 2 weeks and see where that takes you. If you're studying a science, try to work in your uni's research dept if it has one. Since you don't have a job and appear not to have meaningful employment experience, I hope for your sake that you are studying something marketable. I also hope that, after being an adult for about ten years, you have some sort of marketable skill already.
Move out. Do what the other poster said and share a flat with some friends, or just complete strangers. It's pretty economical and hopefully you would have more favorable social interaction.
how about just ignoring him. flat out silent treatment.
If you stay with your family you need to be more mature. Don't do this. Just be fucking normal in your interactions. Don't get in yelling matches, look for a job, etc.
idk what you mean by shitty attitude, im not a fucking super human. i lasted 6 months there, then he asked me to voluntarily leave. i was asked to leave my job prior to that also (1 year there) for being too miserable. what am i supposed to do. i do my best, im not a fucking american disney princess
Of course you have a shitty attitude if you've been asked to leave for being miserable. Do you think these jobs are beneath you, a 28 year old doing college part time, living with his mom and her boyfriend, without a stable job? They probably aren't. I don't know if you are depressed or something, but if you aren't you have to realize that you've got to change your attitude.
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Would go with peoples advice in here. Get a job - anything to make a little $ so you can be more financially independent.
Ask yourself what's worse? Working a shitty job for a little while before moving on to better things or hanging out with this fuckface all day?
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On August 04 2013 06:23 Tobberoth wrote:
The whole "running to my room, calling him a psychopath" deal sounds very odd in the light of you being 28. You're not a little kid, handle your problems like an adult.
Exactly my thoughts. Very strange.
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If you get a fulltime job, you won't see him for an extra 5+ hours or so a day. I'd say this would be your best bet.
I had a similar problem with my brother. He made me miserable and tormented me daily. He's made my parents cry numerous times, and has been to the hospital for alcohol poisoning a couple of times. Then my mom found vodka under his bed one day and he was so pissed that she was "snooping" in his room without his permission that he moved out. That was the happiest day of my life.
He was such a jerk and sounds like he has quite a similar personality to your mom's bf. Living with him though taught me that there's nothing you can change about their personality. They'll always be assholes their entire life.
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Serious question: how many jobs do you actually apply for on a weekly basis? I don't just mean an online app from Wendy's. How much of an actual effort are you making towards become an adult?
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I think you've single-handedly created the need for a [Coming of Age] tag for TL blogs.
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EPT
